The Ramsey Show - App - I Can't Convince My Husband to Move Out of His Parents' House (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

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broadcasting from the Dollar Car rental studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill, and co-hosting with me on this hour is Dr. John Deloney, 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Give us a call. We'll let her have a conversation with you.

Going out to Arizona, let's have a conversation with Greg. Greg, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Thank you for taking my call. It's an honor. The wife and I have discussed we're down to just going on our house, about $38,000 on the house. You got $38,000 left, Greg? That's it, yeah.

Hey, congratulations, man. You're working hard. Thank you. And from her work, her previous employer, she was given stock in lieu of raises, and she purchased an employee stock plan. And it's about a $30,000 amount. Okay. And we debated whether to cash that and throw it at the house. All in one shot, do it in um, to spread out the capital gains.

Uh, we were just wondering what you guys had, uh, in mind. What's your household income right now, Greg? Um, the bring home is about 53 to.

Okay. So $53,000 outside of your mortgage. Do you have any other debt? Nope. Okay. All right. So, Okay, so $53,000 outside of your mortgage. Do you have any other debt? No. Okay, all right. So, and you have a fully funded emergency fund already? Well, that's what we were using the stock as, the $30,000 as being our emergency fund.

Oh, okay, interesting. So right now, outside of the stocks, you don't have three to six months in an actual savings account right now currently? No, no. There's like five grand in a savings. Okay, five grand in a savings account. And I guess right now you already are not investing 15% of your income into retirement. Oh, I am. You are? Okay. Here's the thing.

DSP at work. Okay. All right. Sounds good. About $262,000 in that one. All right. What I want you to do is we got to get the savings account up. Before we pay off

the house, I want you to get at least 3 to 6 months cash liquid inside of a savings account stocks are not for emergencies stocks is especially single stocks I'm not a fan of those I know Dave is not a fan of them

if you were to have a fully funded emergency fund and you're already investing, I would say, okay, I don't have no problem with you taking the single stocks out, paying off your house. Now you're 100% debt free. I would have no problem with that. Here's where I do have a problem. We're going to pay off the house without having a fully funded emergency fund, which means that we're going to jump over baby set number three to go to baby set number six and i cannot and will not um advise you to do that greg so what i would say is sit tight get this fully funded emergency fund up to at least three months minimum then yeah single stocks i don't have a

problem with you taking that out and paying off your house but i don't want you to pay off your house before you have a fully funded emergency fund okay all right look looking to retire in 2023 yeah how long would it take you to get three months into your savings account uh you have no other debt now i'd have to write down a good budget on that there you go there you go you said you said the key thing right there. I'm glad you said it. I need you to go ahead and download every dollar tonight. I need you and your wife to sit down and just go ahead and list all your income. You're going to list all of your expenses at the bottom of that issue.

It should equal zero. Then once you do that, Greg, what I want you to do also as well, look on there and see what can you cut? What can you all fall back on? So you can go ahead and get three months? For an example, what is your mortgage payment right now?

About $1,050. Okay, so you got $1,050. All utilities, what would you ballpark that at? How much is that? All utilities, probably summertime, about $450,000, roughly. Okay, $450,000, all right. And as far as any medical bills for you and your wife? I just paid the one off yesterday. Okay, all right. Now, as far as, what are you spending on gas and food? Gas, it's probably $90, $95

a week from a truck. Okay. And her car, it's probably $30 for two weeks. Okay, alright. So you see what I'm doing? Yeah, food is $150 a week, maybe. Ooh, that's a lot of money for just two people. $150 a week? maybe. That's a lot of money for just two people.

$150 a week? They eat well, Anthony. We got seven grandkids. Oh, so you have seven grandkids. You watch them all every week? No, but you still like to have stuff to feed them when they're here. Oh, my Lord. I mean, $150 a week, that's $600 a month.

I think that's where you can save some money right there, Greg. You got to tell your children, hey, you need to keep the kids home a few days this month. But do you see what I just did? So I just literally went down and just listed. And I'm curious, how much do you and your wife spend on your grandchildren a month? I couldn't honestly tell you. See? I wouldn't say a whole lot.

Okay. All right. Here's the thing, Greg. You and your wife need to get on the budget, and you said it. I believe with your income right now, you're spending $600 a month on groceries. And I get it. You want to have all the nice snacks, the cookies, the candy, the popsicles for, for all your kids when they come over. Um, but I mean, I think that's there for the goals that you're trying to do. So you can retire by 2023. Um, you need to get a fully funded emergency fund. And to be honest with you

at your age, I'm doing six months. I'm going to take those single stocks out. I'm going to pay off my home. And I'm just going to be focusing on that. And you need to have a conversation with your kids. Like, hey, you guys, these next six months of our lives are going to actually switch a little bit. They're going to change a little bit

because your mom and I are trying to retire. And we want to make sure we retire correctly and healthy. So way we don't put any stress onto our kids so that way you can focus on you and your family. And so that's what I would highly, highly recommend right now for you. What would you think about selling the single stocks to fully fund the emergency fund? I mean – That's six and one-half dozen other? I'm not a fan of single stocks, so I really don't care.

But I think if I was him, I would just go ahead and fund that myself and take the stocks out and just put it straight into my house. To the house. That's just me. I'm not buying any single stocks. I do growth stock mutual funds.

But right now, I just think him and his wife need to focus on doing that because he's going to pay some penalties and stuff when he cashes out the taxes. I'm not taxing the stocks. So that's what I would do. Oh, man. Great question. 888-825-5225. Give us a call.

We would love to talk with you. This is Anthony O'Neill, Dr. D, right here on the Dave Ramsey Show. I get asked all the time, when in the baby steps is the right time to buy life insurance? My answer is typically now. Life insurance is not part of the baby steps because it's needed when your family has debt and not enough savings to provide for their financial needs. That's when they're at the highest risk. And no matter where you are in your baby steps, it's a necessity, not a choice. This includes working husbands and wives, as well as stay-at-home parents.

It's pretty expensive to replace those stay-at-home parent responsibilities. I only recommend term life insurance since it's the most affordable way to get the right amount of coverage and not break your budget. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. These are the guys I personally use. Term life insurance is inexpensive and your family needs this no matter where you are in your baby steps. That's Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. Zander.com. Going out to Los Angeles, California, we're going to have a conversation there with Lucy Lucy good afternoon how can Dr. D and I help hi there gentlemen thank you so much for taking my call oh you're so welcome thank you so much for giving us a call such an honor how can we help

you um so I just have like an overwhelming amount of debt and I'm just trying to figure out what my next step is. My lease is coming up at the end of this month and I haven't found a place. And I'm kind of contemplating like, do I really need to settle for renting out a room or can I get like a one bedroom apartment? Because I feel like with all the debt that I have, I'm never going to get out of it. Okay. All right. All right. Well, I want you to slow down. You sound young. How old are you, Lucy? I am 28. All right. I knew it. Got me a nice little millennial here. Okay. And what's your gross income right now? About almost 55K. Okay. 55K. All right. How much debt are you in? I have $133,000 of school debt, and then I only have $10 left on my car payment.

How much again? Say it one more time. You went out on me. Hello, Lucy? Lucy! Did we lose you, Lucy? I'm here. Can you hear me? Yeah, yeah. There you go. There you go.

We lost you. Glad to have you back. Sorry about that. No problem at all. Now, how much do you owe in your car? $3,000. $3K. So you have no credit cards or anything like that, correct?

I have credit cards, but they're all paid off. Okay. So you have credit cards. All right. Cool. Great. So we're going to get those cut up. All right. How much are you paying for rent right now?

Uh, right now I'm renting a room with friends and I only pay seven, 10, not including utilities. Seven, 10. All right, cool. And how much can you get a one bedroom apartment for out there in California right now? Uh, where I'm at, I found one just under a thousand dollars, not including utilities, but including like hot water, of course. Okay. All right. Sounds good. Um, now what do you want to do? Let me ask you this question. Do you want to continue renting? Do you, are you, is it a problem with where you are right now, uh, with renting the room? So this specific lease is ending, so i have to find somewhere else to go um i feel like i would like to feel like a sense of independence okay which is why i really would like to have the one

bedroom apartment but at the same time like this debt does feel like it's hovering over me and it causes me like so much anxiety okay what'd you take out of $130,000 in student loans? What did you major in? I wanted a private Christian education, so I'm a marriage and family therapist. Awesome. Are you using that degree right now? Yes.

All right. That sounds good. All right. So here's the thing. If you found an apartment that's less than $1,000, you're saying right around $1,000, correct? I'm fine with that because right now you're seeing about right around $4,000, $4,500 a month. So about net, you're going to be right around $3,700. So $1,000 is going to be right there on the line of where you should be at 25% of your take-home pay.

And so I'm fine with you getting an apartment. Now, I want you to do some more research, though, Lucy, because what if you could find you another roommate that you can live with to keep your margin down on your rent at least for another two years because we've got to attack this debt and we've got to get your income down on your rent at least for another two years because we got to attack this debt and we got to get your income up to be honest uh fifty five thousand dollars in la is not a lot of money that's that's my old stomping grounds my brother lives there so i totally understand the whole california lifestyle and the cost of living out there

and so uh have you ever let me ask you this question have you ever, let me ask you this question. Have you ever considered moving away from California? Because of the licensing, I wanted to get licensed here so that I can move out afterwards. Yes. So how much? So yeah, it's my goal. That's your goal. Okay. When can you move from California?

It might take about a year or two before I get licensed. All right. Sounds good. here here's what you're going to do go ahead and move okay get the apartment get focused on getting your license all right then you're going to move and you're going to be making 75 to 80k and you need to go ahead and pay off your car all right when you move you're going to get this three thousand dollars paid off asap you're going to be this $3,000 paid off ASAP. You're going to be driving a car that's going to free up some more money.

All right. Then what you're going to do is I want you to sit tight. I am going to send you a copy of my Destroy Your Student Loan Debt quick read. Kelly's going to jump on the phone with you when we hang up. She's going to get your information. I'm going to put that in the mail. I want you to read this because this is going to walk you through on how to pay off these $133,000 of student loans that you have. Okay. Okay. But don't be stressed. All right. You're not alone in this. We're going to walk you through this process. This book is going to give you the step-by-step processes, 88 pages.

All right. There's no bluff in it. There's no no intro in it i get straight to the punch this is what you need to be doing today so you can get these student loans going but you're a bright young lady lucy and i believe john that she's going to be all right yeah and lucy i want you to hear two things from you from a fellow mental health person okay number one i want you to hear a couple things you mentioned out loud. You mentioned that you really wanted a private Christian college, and you got it, and it's real, real expensive, and you're going to continue to pay on it for a while, right? You also really want your independence. You also really want to live in California and live in a cool place. So all of these really, really wants, if you were seeing a client, you would tell them the same thing I'm about to tell you,

which is at some point you're going to have to decide what the reality is, what truth is, and how that lines up against what you quote unquote you really want. The second thing is this. I want you to get with your clinical supervisor. You're getting your hours in right so that you can get your licensure. Is that correct? So I want you to ask for ways that you can see groups on the weekends, that you can take extra shifts on Sundays when people are desperate to see clients

and many clinicians won't work on Sundays. I want you to take on as many extra shifts as you can. If he or she will sign off on you seeing private clients, whatever you've got to do to begin to attack this debt, you've got to just earn more money for the quote-unquote wants that you have. And then Anthony is right. I want you to go through that book, and paying off that debt becomes a priority. It is heavy. It is hard.

It does feel overwhelming. I don't want you to get overwhelmed. Like Anthony said, follow a plan. Attack it. And really, at the end of the day, the only two toggles she's got, Anthony, is her wants and her income. Right? Absolutely. That's the scenario she's in.

So she's got to dial back the wants, and she's got to crank up that income. She has to focus on vision. I mean, and clearly paying off her car is the first thing. That's going to be clear. That's going to be easy. $3,000. She's doing about $4,500 gross a month. so she should be able to do that without no other uh within the next two three months because she has no other debt uh lucy here's the next thing um i need you to do this today all right uh cut up your credit cards

all right i don't want you to get tempted i don't want something to come up i don't want you to get any ideas oh i could just use my credit card no no ma'am cut them up and as a matter of fact if you cut them up and when you cut them up it's not a matter if when you cut them up lucy i want you to take a picture and i want you to put it on instagram and i want you to tag me in it and say anthony o'neill told me to cut up my credit cards today because i'm taking over my future and i'm going to repost it I'm going to show America that this bright 28 year old who is about to be one of the best people best therapist best therapist doctors out there just did a huge huge huge. One of my mentors and professors, Dr. Aretha Marbley, she's just a saint and really spoke wisdom into my life for years.

She said mental health practitioners cannot effectively help people if they are worried about their bills. Well, I don't think nobody can. Right? But if you are not whole, if you're worried, they're going to turn lights out on me. Or I've got this wild, heavy debt hanging over me. You cannot effectively enter into somebody else's space and be the light to them that you need them to be. And so, yeah, attack the debt. Get this thing off.

And you will find yourself as a clinician better, as a friend and partner better, and as a better community member. Yes, absolutely. Get it, get it, get it. You got it, Lucy. I don't think no one can do that, man. Doctors can't focus. Lawyers can't focus. A lot of people just can't focus if they're in trouble and in debt and living paycheck to paycheck and stressed as well.

Life. I can't focus. I remember them days, but that's why we're here to help people focus this is dave ramsay Hey, guys. At the Dave Ramsey Show, we really value your input. It helps us to know what's important to you so we can deliver relevant content to help you crush your money goals. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. It only takes a few minutes minutes and you'll be entered

to win a 100 amazon gift card no purchase necessary take the survey at davramsey.com slash survey or text survey to 33 789 here's the truth dr d that no parent ever wants their kids to experience a panic of being unprepared for a crisis but teaching them how to be smart with money can feel like a big responsibility aka a job we've got you back though with our fully digital self-study courses you can rest assured that your team will know the right way to handle money and never make the same money mistakes millions and millions of people have made and the best part there is no instructor needed and the courses are self-paced if your teen has a tablet or computer they are are all set. Parents, I want you to go to DaveRamsey.com forward slash

self-study to learn more about all of the different courses we have available for middle school and high school students. Never worry about your kids being unprepared again because Anthony O'Neill is in the building. You know, and that's the truth. You know know i have a heart and passion for young people and i sat down with our president of the education solution side and i said hey listen how can we make something that's attractive to young people specifically middle school high school and college students to where we can teach them about money but they can laugh they can learn and they can walk away really, really saying, you know what? Okay, I feel better about going into the real world. I know the difference between a credit card, a debit card.

I know how to apply for a mortgage. I know what to expect with taxes out of my check. I know how to budget. I know the basic stuff to get me started in life. And that's exactly what this self-study is. It's just me sitting down, just telling my stories, explaining my mistakes. I mean, just really teaching from my life experience. And I'm telling you right now, parents, you want to go to DaveRamsey.com forward

slash self-study because I'm telling you, your kids will enjoy this. Your young person will enjoy this and they will thank you when they graduate high school they will thank you when they graduate college because they have the education that their peers do not have i love it man i'm glad you're telling that story oh man i had to tell the story i mean i have to and i've seen some of the videos coming out of this place and they are not your normal shot on a crummy camcorder no up on YouTube. Everything here is world class. The producers, the films, the sets, everything is extraordinary. And so that's really great.

And how many millions and millions of kids are sitting at home right now, right? Yes, a lot. Homeschooling. Yes. Doing their schoolwork on the internet. So, man, picking up a self-study is a great idea. So let's go to the blinds.com question of the day. Blinds.com, find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings.

You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you will save even more. Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. All right, Anthony, this is a question that I'm interested in how you're going to respond to this. All right? Let's go. So today's question comes from Tracy in Connecticut.

She visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, six years ago, six years ago, half a decade ago plus one, while we were going through a rough time, my husband and I moved into a property that belongs to my parents and they have never charged us rent. Over the last couple of years, I've been trying to convince my husband that we need to move out and rent somewhere since we aren't ready to buy. He doesn't want to rent and would rather stay here until we are able to buy.

I'm afraid he's become comfortable with our living arrangement you think i feel like this arrangement is hindering our ability to be mature adults and i'm losing respect for myself and my husband what should i do how do i convince my husband that we have overstayed when him and my parents think this arrangement is okay there's so much here man break it down there uh doctor so i'm gonna i'm gonna ask you i'm gonna run you through some questions like I would ask somebody if they just plop this in front of me, okay? All right. Question number one. You have lived rent-free for six years, and you are still not in a position to get your own place.

Tell me about that. Oh, man. Number two. Over the last couple of years, you've been trying to convince your husband that you need to move out. How do you convince your husband? What's going on for a couple of years that it's not sinking in, right? Yeah. That you want to move out and rent somewhere since you aren't ready to buy.

Number three, he doesn't want to rent. He'd rather stay here until we were able to buy. I understand that sentiment. If you were actually working towards getting ready to buy, right? I understand the math part of it. There you go. That leads me to number, I don't even know the number on. Number 49, right? Number four.

I'm afraid he's become comfortable with our living arrangement. Yes. Anytime you put somebody in a place where they have no rent, no bills, and they're just going to be able to coast, you are correct. That is a recipe for a comfortable living arrangement. Number five. I feel like this arrangement is hindering our ability to be mature adults, and I'm losing respect for myself and my husband.

That's where I want to park, is taking a rent-free arrangement from your in-laws, less mature, less responsible, less respectful. What do you think Anthony I wish I could ask more questions there's so much there that I really want to dive into one why did you all go there in the beginning and then I'm like you number two you've all been there six years and you're still not in a position

to do something are you not in a position to purchase a home or are you not in a position to even move out? And again, apartment. And so for here, what I would recommend to her and again, I'm not married. So I want to leave this majority on you because I want to make sure that, you know, I'm respecting my lane. That's a good pass. You know, as a single person, I want to make sure that I'm respecting my lane. That's a good pass. As a single person. I want to make sure that them two, actually all of them, all the parties, the in-laws, the husband and her need to have an honest conversation.

And we need to come to an end date to win. Okay, when will this partnership end? When are you all moving out? When are we moving out here's the date and then from here moving forward uh the wife and the husband need to have a conversation all right that's our date what are we doing to meet that date and right now they're not in a position to buy no home no home we're going to rent all right we're going to rent they should be in a position they should be debt free to be honest they should should have no major bills because they've been living rent-free for six months.

Six years. Six years, I mean. I keep saying six months. Six years. Oh, man. I wish y'all could just call into the show. I really wish they could just call into the show. If you're hearing us right now, call into the show the next time Dr. D or myself are on because I have a lot of questions.

I want to focus on mature adults and losing respect. One of the cornerstones of maturity to me is this idea of intentionality. Yeah. Do you have a plan? Yeah. I don't think it immediately suggests you aren't mature if you are able to live rent-free in an in-law's home while you get your stuff together. I think the immaturity comes, though, six years later. There's no plan.

Yes. There's no objective. There's no, hey, we're going to do this for seven years, and we're going to pay cash for our house. And let's clear this up. We're not calling them immature. What we're saying, the decision that you've made over the last six years is immature. And you're clearly not on the same page with each other.

Right. Right? One of you is losing respect for both of you. You're trying to convince one another. That's just not how relationships work. So what should I do? How do I convince my husband that we have overstayed? It's very hard to convince somebody.

It's very hard to convince a man. Let's just be real. Well, it works both ways too. Men can be especially hard-headed, but it works both ways. I think the idea is to less try to convince somebody, try to quote-unquote change their mind, and really you need to get out of this free house. Now, again, you're talking six years.

This is a whole different level of enmeshment. You need to get out of here and really let him hear, not nagging, not complaining, not I'm'm losing respect for you but here is my vision for us yeah i want us to have our own place uh i want us to be together and have shared goals that don't include my parents that include us working together and moving forward and letting somebody hear that that's different than hey hey what about this what about this what about this you disagree with me so bring it back yeah i don't know if i would say that wife should come back and say here's the vision that i have for us here's my here's my dream yeah yeah that's what i was about to say because i mean now some ladies may be like ah

anthony really but i think the vision needs to come from the both of you co-created but it starts with one it starts with one thing i want you to hear my heart yes and here's my passion here's my vision for us and here's the deal parents got tracy and her husband under their thumb yeah of course they're going to be great with that arrangement so the practical step here is first thing is pray ask god to give you the words and the wisdom to have a conversation with your husband have a conversation with your husband away from your in-laws after that conversation you and the husband come back sit down have a meeting with the in-laws and you all go from there got a dream together yes psalm chapter 23 verse 4 says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with your rod and your staff. They comfort me. Dr. Henry Link says we generate fears while we sit.

We overcome them by action. Going out to Orlando, Florida, we're going to have a conversation with Tyler. Tyler, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Florida, we're going to have a conversation with Tyler. Tyler, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hey, how y'all doing? A little bit nervous. I've never been on the show before. Hey, man. It's all good. How can we help? So basically, I got a little bit of a situation right now where I'm going through a divorce and child custody and just wanting to, I haven't started the baby steps yet just because I've been a little tight for money. Just wanting to see, you know, when I get a little bit better financially, you know, do I put this divorce in child custody lawyer before the baby steps, in baby step two? Or, you know, I was wanting to know exactly where I should really be doing with that.

Do you have a payment arrangement with them, or are you holding a bill in your hand? What's your payment arrangement? Well, I was able to, you know, I was late. I was going through a little bit of timeshare. I was able to talk him down. I paid $275 a month to him. My original bill was $2,000 because he said it was most likely going to be contested. He raised it to $5,000. Hey, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, slow down a little bit and talk directly into the phone.

Okay. I know you're a little bit nervous, but there you go. Sorry. Talk to me like I'm old. I got you. So I was going through a little bit of hard times financially and, um, he started off with the divorce and child custody being $2,000. Uh, and then he said it's most likely it was going to be contested. Uh, so he raised it to 5,000 and I'm currently

paying 275 a month. Okay. So if he, if he has worked out a plan with you to just pay the full divorce installments of $275 a month, then we're going to, Anthony, I'll defer to you, we're going to roll that in your baby steps, and it's going to be one of your normal bills. You may want to move that up as closely as possible, but it sounds like you've got other things going on in your life um i am as concerned about your heart health and making sure you've got people around you that you trust and love and that you are focusing on healing after divorce being connected as as much as possible with your kids um than i am about you obsessively trying to figure out where this goes in the baby

steps yeah yeah um how long have you as a divorce final how long have you been divorced so um it hasn't even really taken place yet okay there's some confusion about her uh she can't really stay in one place for one time very long okay um so it's hard to really just locate her uh to be able to serve papers and things like that. I kind of started this process about a month and a half ago, but we've been, you know, not together for a couple of years now. I was just not able to have the funds to be able to, because I didn't know that lawyers even took payments. So I was worried about, okay, I need to save up all this money.

Where's your kids? It took me a while. He's currently with me, thankfully. Okay. Because of that situation, like I said, with her. Sure. So thankfully he is with me. Today is actually his birthday, so that's always fun.

Where are you working, Tyler? Right now I'm an apprentice electrician. Very cool. In Orlando here. So money's not really great. I'm actually going to be trying to pursue law enforcement and trying to get a sponsorship to the academy so I don't have to worry about paying that on top of trying to get this divorce taken care of. Okay. So I want you to focus on a couple of things in the right order. Okay. First being, make sure your son is safe. Make sure that you are stable with him and make sure that you are intentionally over-connecting with him every day. And that means I want you to

spend time with him. Last night I was working on a writing project. I didn't get out until 2 a.m. The first thing I did this morning was I skipped my workout, and I went out and played catch with my son in the grass in the morning. That's over-connecting. That's me trying to lean back into a relationship that I violated last night because we had some stuff going on last night, and I ended up having to work late. That is part of life. That's part of being there, but I want you to do things like that to over-connect with your son.

Number two, continue to work directly with your lawyer. And then number three, in celebration of your son's birthday, we're going to give you Ramsey Plus. I want you to follow this. I want you to walk along and let your son hear you doing this. I want you to stay on the line. Kelly's going to connect with you. Anthony and I and Dave are going to pass along Ramsey Plus.

It's going to have Financial Peace University. I want you to walk through this. It's going to have all of the apps. It's going to have Financial Peace University. I want you to walk through this. It's going to have all the apps. It's going to have all of the material. It's going to have connections to the podcasts. It's going to have everything. And this is going to be a moment for you to begin to look at your son, look at your legacy, and begin to make some systemic long-term changes. And then work closely with that lawyer. Don't let that stuff slide. Continue to pay your bills and then move on from that lawyer. Don't let that stuff slide. Continue to pay your bills and then move on from there. Man, I love it.

You know, I really, really do love your advice there, man. And there was a question over here earlier that I wanted to ask you earlier, and I don't see it here. Hold on. I'm getting to it. Actually, I don't see it here. So I want to ask you that question. Oh, excellent.

Good, man. I saved myself. No, no, no, no. You're good. You're good. You're that question. Excellent. Good, man. I saved myself. No, no, no, no. You're good. You're good. You're good. But, you know, that was a good response. Let me ask you this question.

For those going through divorces right now, they're feeling that life is done. They're feeling depressed. They're feeling like they'll never get remarried what should they be doing right now um so man it's interesting you asked that i recorded some youtube stuff on that a few weeks ago um the the global searches our seo folks our search engine optimization folks have reported back to us that searches for divorce, how to get divorced, how do you know if you should begin to work, are up all over the world. Divorces are through the roof. And some of that is financial difficulties, some of that is relational difficulties. I've realized without all the busyness and out all of the distraction and just being crammed in a house with somebody for six months, you realize, oh, this marriage was over a while ago.

And so one of the things I always want folks to do, number one, is to recognize, again, Dave says this all the time, we don't make good decisions when we're panicked. We don't make good decisions when things are stressed. And so if you are feeling like, you know what, I'm cashing out, exhale, find a counselor, exhale, sit down and have these hard conversations with your partner. It may be time. It may be time. To answer your question directly, I think people often jump to the divorce part. They jump to the process part, and they don't properly grieve this loss. They don't sit in it and say, I'm losing a part of me.

I'm losing a dream. I'm losing a part of me. I'm losing a dream. I'm losing a 10 years down the road. I had a picture in my head of what Thanksgiving was going to look like. I'm beginning to doubt myself. I'm losing trust in myself. I trusted myself enough to say they were the one and this was it, and it didn't work out. So there's all these different moments to grieve and to mourn

and to just experience loss. And, Anthony, we cannot do that by yourself. You can't. You've got to find a group. You've got to find somebody that you can trust, be vulnerable with, be honest with, and really don't race back into the other mess. Heal, grieve, and then slowly begin to take care of your business, your current relationships that are in your sphere, and then you think about what's next. I think the key thing you said there was just to heal, to grieve,

take time to take care of yourself, to allow you to think the thoughts that you're thinking, to process the thoughts, but then after that you need to get around someone so that way you can articulate your thoughts and they can help you process the thoughts correctly right and they can call you out on your nonsense and you they can you know like tyler he he's been done for several years right and he's just now getting around the money and the challenge and so every situation is different every relationship is different um but at the end of the day you've got to grieve it you've got to

understand there are so many different layers to it and losses to it. And sometimes it just feels like, ah, once I get to this line, everything's going to be good. That's not how that works. Usually you get to that line and that's just when the real reality and the hurt starts. And so having a group of people, having a counselor or a pastor or a couple of close friends you can rely on is just cornerstone to grieving properly. I love it. I love it. And I just wanted to ask that question because I just feel as if a lot of people are going through that. Oh, man, I've got close friends. I've got distant friends.

It's all over right now. It's a real challenge. Yeah, yeah. Well, Dr. D has been fun, man. Thank you. It's always a blast rocking out with you, bro. I always grow every time I'm on the show with you. And I want to thank our producers, Zach Bennett,

Phone, and associate producer, Kelly Daniel. And I want to thank you, America, for giving us the opportunity to serve you and to help you. You guys, this has been the Dave Ramsey Show. We'll see you again soon. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. Once again, you made The Dave Ramsey Show one of the top four most popular podcasts last year. To get your daily dose of motivation and inspiration from the Ramsey Network, subscribe or follow today wherever you listen to podcasts.