The Ramsey Show - App - I Don’t Know Where Our Money Is Going (Hour 2)

Episode Date: December 5, 2023

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with bestselling author Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls. It's a free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. All right, up next, or up first this hour, we have Stephen in Springfield. Hey, Stephen, welcome to the show. Hey, good morning, or good afternoon, guys. How are you? We're doing great. How can we help? So, I'm kind of in a position.

So I'm really just kind of looking for some advice. So my wife was involved in a car accident about a year, year and a half ago. Oh, gosh. Is she okay? Yeah, she ended up being okay. She almost had to have some surgeries and everything, and it affected her work. She's a hairstylist, so she works for herself. She had some hand injuries and things like that.

So we incurred some medical bills and some time off work and everything else. My question is, I've got a list of our payments and what our debts are, and we're expecting to get about $22,750 back in a settlement from that accident. And I was just wondering if you guys could help point me in the right direction, what we should maybe pay off or we should put it in our savings account and just sit on it and continue to make our monthly payments like normal, just kind of what the best course of action you guys thought would be. Yeah, that's a good question. Do you guys have any money in savings right now? Very little. So we actually, we have four kids. One of our kids is disabled. So, you know, it's kind of a, it's a back and forth thing, you know. Okay. So really nothing

in savings. So how much, what's your debt like? Give me like a list of it and the amounts. Yeah. So our house, we owe about $44,600 on our house. We just incurred a new debt, which we had to buy her a vehicle after the accident. Hers was totaled. We owe $21,000 on it. We got a pickup that I drive, owe $17,000 on it. Then we got a personal loan for about $2,000, and then somewhere in the neighborhood of $500 to $5,500 in credit card debt.

Oh, Stephen, you're not going to like what we say. That's fine. No, that's what I'm looking for. How much do you guys make a year, Stephen? About $75,000. Okay. Yes, so. Okay, can I say it? Before you give it it to him rachel let me just say this steven

how'd you find us uh i was actually just scrolling through facebook and ran across some dave ramsey videos and started listening and how long ago oh not very um okay. Probably three months ago, if that. All right. So you are still in the entryway to our gang, right? Yeah. You could call it the infancy, I guess. Okay. So I'll be super gentle and kind, okay? I want you to begin to transform your language. Okay. From we had to, I had to go take a loan out and buy a $21,000 car.

I have to have a $17,000 truck to, yeah, we chose to do that. Okay. Okay. That's going to be key as Rachel walks through because the other, when you, when you approach life as reactive life did this. So I just have to do this. You will stay broke for the rest of your life. If you say come what may, I will stand firm on a principle. I don't borrow any money outside of a mortgage, period, ever,

and a mortgage only if I got to. Now you're about changing your entire family tree, okay? Okay. It's about taking ownership, okay? All right, Rachel. Steven, how much could you get for the $21,000 car? Have you Kelly Blue Booked any of these in your truck? Yeah, so my truck's actually worth about $30,000 in today's market.

I actually just looked it up the other day. I actually had the dealership call me the other day offering me $30,000 just to buy it outright from me. Wow, okay. Not interested in doing that. I mean, well, I guess I could be. You're going to. You're going to get real interested. You might be in a second. How about the $21,000? I could definitely be interested in that. I mean, well, I guess I could be. You're going to. You're going to get real interested. You might be in a second.

How about the $21,000? I could definitely be interested in that. And then I think my wife's van, it's probably worth right at what we owe on it. Okay, okay. And did you say you have $5,500 in credit card debt or $500? About $5,500.

Okay, and what is the credit card debt or $500? About $5,500. Okay. And what is the credit card debt? What does that consist of? What were you guys swiping the credit card for? You know, it really, I mean, it was kind of Christmas last year. And then, you know, and I listened to part of the show earlier when you're just talking about Christmas. You're one of the 25%, Steven. Yeah.

And I was really kind of really hit home. And then, you know, school closed and everything else. Okay, okay, so it's just life. Okay, so one bright side of this, Stephen, to make you be like, okay, you're normal. You're normal. You guys literally are the every American family. You got two car loans.

You got some credit card debt. You got a personal loan, and you're just living life. But you probably feel like, Stephen, oh my gosh, we work really hard, and I feel like we're broke. I feel like we're barely making by. How is that possible? Okay, so that feeling that you're feeling is a flag that is raised in your emotions to say like, okay, we're not doing this correctly. So the way you guys have been looking at money because you caught on this show, the way we're gonna advise you is a complete 180 of how you've been looking at money.

And here's the deal too, Steven, you have to realize, okay, I have to do a 180 because what I've been doing is getting me these results and I don't want these results, I want something different, which means my actions and my thought process have to be completely different now. Right? So, so what we're going to say is probably going to radically shake you up and you're going to be like, wait, these people are insane. Maybe a little, but we're also not broke. So let me just give you that. We do these things in our own homes. Yes. We live this stuff out, Stephen. So

if I woke up in Stephen's shoes and your wife's shoes, here's what I would do. I'd sell your truck today, get the $30,000, go get a $15,000 car. That debt's completely gone. You got a great truck or great car, whatever you have for $15,000, you're calling it a day. I would take the $22,000 that you guys have and I would knock out the personal loan. I would knock out the credit card debt. And then I would put anything else that's there. I'm trying to do this quick math. Anything else left at the car loan. So you guys will probably have about I think $15,000 left on the van. And I want you Steven for about a year to or not to be a year. Yeah, maybe a year to work extra. I want you guys to take on extra jobs, either at your primary job. I want you to drive for Uber Eats.

I want you to do the most radical stuff to earn extra money and get this van paid off because you could look up in one year, Stephen, and your whole life looks completely different. But your whole- I actually just started a new, not new job job a new side job oh good okay i'm a i'm a career firefighter that's what i do for a living okay okay just frankly there's there's no money in that um oh sorry oh shoot steven sorry i didn't mean to cut you off we're going into a

break anyways but but but all that to say this that's that's exactly what i would do what i laid out for you and it's going to feel different. It's going to feel uncomfortable It's going to be strange But i'm telling you steven this twenty two thousand dollars if you guys get this settlement and you get this cash And you don't change anything. You don't cut up credit cards. You keep living your life. It's going to be gone It's going to be gone put it to good use Put it to good use and you guys could look up again in a year and be in a completely different position financially So we're cheering you guys on. Thanks, Stephen.

Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. If you are a new listener like Stephen from the last segment or an old listener that you've been with us for decades, one of the best things that you can do to help us get the word out about this show and get people the information that they need to help take control of their life and their money is to share the episodes of this show. So whether it's on YouTube, whether it's on podcasts, it's one of the best ways to get the word out. And you guys, I mean, this is, I see this stuff all the time, even from my friends and

family, we always will text podcasts that we're loving and all of it. So add it to that group and those messages that you're sending out anyways, because again, it helps us when it comes to getting hope, hope and direction and guidance for people all over their lives or for their entire lives. So that would be a wonderful thing. So again, share the show, subscribe, leave a review, share with a friend. All right, up next, we have Michael in Dallas, Texas. Hey, Michael, welcome to the show. Hey, Rachel. Hi, John. How's it going?

Doing great. How can we help? Hey, so I have a clothing business. I sell used men's clothing on eBay, and I've been doing it for about three and a half years. And recently, my wife was able to acquire a W-2 job and join me. And we are currently in baby step six. And so I have sort of a two-part question here. So I constantly feel like I'm in this race to increase my income with this business and whatever else it is in life. And with that, my wife and I are considering pausing investing for three months and sort of cutting out some unnecessary spending to use that money to put back into the business and grow its revenue quicker and hopes that our goal being to pay

off our house within three years from now. And I was just curious if there's anything wrong with doing something like that. You know, I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. I mean, it's just, I know it's just three months on one end where you're like, we're just pausing for three months. It's not that big of a deal. And then I would look at, I'm not saying on the other end and say, well, it's just three months. It's not that big of a deal. Like either way.

Right. So meaning I wouldn't, I wouldn't pause it because I don't think three months is going to completely change, change your life and change your numbers that drastically. Well, my bigger concern is you're running your business out of your checking account. What was that, John? My bigger concern is you're running your business out of your checking account. Oh, no, sir. We have a business account. We have a personal checking account. But you're talking about investing, like retirement investing is what you're talking

about pausing for three months. Correct. Correct. Yes the personal end i think is what john's saying like that that should be money that you guys are using out of a income that you're paying yourselves that's where the retirement investing comes from so you're saying to pay yourself less yes that's what i'm saying so just basically take home less a month basically take on what we need to survive and still enjoy life a little. Yeah. And then use the extra money to increase the business. Yeah, I hear you.

And I just don't think I would, Michael. I think it sets a precedent that if we feel like we want to grow really quickly, we're going to just pause and pull back. I feel like you guys, you don't have to do any of that. You're not on fire, right? I mean, if you guys are about to lose your house or something,'re not on fire, right? Like, I mean, like if you guys are about to lose your house or something,

then I'd be like, oh yeah, I cut everything. I'll go this far. If you told me, hey, we've gotten real close. In six months, we're gonna have our house paid off if we pause investing. I would say, go knock your house out. Like, go get it, go get that thing done because you'll be able to catch back up with your,

like, you're not gonna miss that because your house payment can then go to fund your, so knock that out. This, Rachel, I like what you just said. This feels like we're always going to have this in the back of our head that we can borrow from ourselves. Now, if you wanted to pay yourself less in salary, that's a very common thing, like in your draw from your business, but I would want your giving and I want your investments

to still be rolling with you. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense. And I guess part of that question, the first part of that was like, whenever the house is paid off, and this is sort of my thought, it's like whenever the house is paid off, I'm just curious, does that feeling that I have of just feeling like you need to increase your income and need more, does that sort of go away once you have all of those expenses out of your life that are recurring,

that are dilated? Not necessarily, because i feel like that feeling michael i can speak for personal experience is more of an emotion than a fact like i think you guys are go-getters i think you've started something that's amazing i mean how much are you making a year with this clothing company uh right now 13 000 a month 150k a year, so you guys, I mean, you're doing great. I mean, you've created something out of nothing and you're doing an incredible job. And so I think that there's a natural bent possibly to you, Michael, I could just be making this up, where you kind of are hustle and I want to do the next thing kind of bigger, better. We want to pause retirement for three months because we want to throw more at the business. I mean,

you're a go-getter, right? You're very proactive. But I think with that same spirit, and again, I'm saying this to myself, it can be like, okay, well, once we get to here, everything's gonna be fine. But you're gonna get there, Michael. The house is gonna be paid off. You guys are gonna be, you could double your business and it's gonna feel amazing.

And then in about five months, you're gonna be like, okay, okay, let's go to the next goal. And you just keep pushing yourself. And not that goal setting and all of that is bad but i do think there's a contentment piece emotionally that's really important in this and i don't know if that's exactly what you're asking but yes i think the weight the weight of not yeah the weight of not owing anyone anything and this freedom is definitely there but there's still a rat race inside of all of us that think and believe if i could just make a million right if I could make 500 million or 500 million, actually, that would be fantastic.

I would take 500,000 dollars. We'd be totally fine. We'd be set. We'd be fine. And then you get there and you live in it. And then you're thinking, yeah, whatever, however much money you make, you go with you, right? Yep. Here's what I i would tell you here's how my wife and i've had to adjust our life there was a for us paying off our house was a massive exhale okay and as rachel said then the old demons about well you got to have this and you're not enough for this and so here was the important question we asked ourself that changed And I'll tell you how it changed. It didn't change my go-get attitude. I love working. I just love it.

Yes, that's always going to be there. I like to pursue. I like figuring things out. I really like solving problems for people. You probably like making money, but you also probably like helping people get nice clothes at a good deal, right? And you like finding deals. So after we stopped running for our lives, meaning we didn't owe anybody anything,

my wife and I asked a question, what kind of life do we want to have? And what do we want that life to feel like? Not like, what do we want? Well, we want another house and more cars. That's not what we asked. When you walk in the door, John, what do you want this house to feel like?

Hey, my wife, when you walk in the door, what do you want the house to feel like? And what must be true for that to happen? And what that did is I'm still as ambitious and busy as ever, but I'm ambitious and busy about different things. And in a weird way that I wish I had learned 20 years ago, financially we're doing better going after things that make our lives more whole than I did just running around like a maniac trying to not be on fire anymore. Right. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah. That's sort of where this question arose from. We had a talk a couple of days ago, and I was sort of like, where do we want to be in three to five years from now? Mind you, we're 25 and 24, so we're just trying to get ready for our whole lives. And so we're like, well, we want kids in a few years and whatever. So we sort of wanted to just have this goal of paying off the house early before we had kids and get that out of the way so we sort of have this freedom to do things

that we wouldn't necessarily have. And I think that's sort of what you're saying. But listen, I want you to ask a different question because everybody asks the question, where do you want to be in three to five years? You know, five years ago ago how different the world was three years ago how different the world was right so we can't control what happens in the world one iota zero but i can control what i want my house to feel like when i walk in the door and when i walk in and it's covid when i walk in

and i'm a professor when i walk in i'm it's COVID when I walk in and I'm a professor when I walk in I'm a dean of students I walk in and I'm a YouTuber I can decide through the world we've created what that's going to feel like you see what I'm saying so you go out five years what do you want this house to feel like I want there to be a kid and I'm pregnant with kid number two and you're laughing and X and Y and Z. All right, what has to be true? Well, for me to walk home laughing, I can't owe anybody any money. For me to walk home laughing, we have to have somebody else cutting the grass for once. You see what I'm saying?

We're going to reverse engineer how we want this thing to feel who we want to be right not like how much money we're going to have what kind of car because you'll start cutting corners to get that money you'll start cutting corners to get that new car and all of a sudden you're going to end up with a hectic chaotic life in a bunch of toys or you've gone on a nice vacation you have a pool and y'all are still the same hustling exhausted people yeah and I think you guys are experiencing some wins really early in life, which is amazing. And I think what can happen is that feeling can be so addictive where you're like, oh my gosh, we got to get the next and the next and the next and the next.

And what John's saying too is there's depth in all of that. And you can do the same action, but your motivation is different. So check that motivation and you and your wife sit down and have that conversation because it's a good one to have. Thanks, Michael, for the call. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney.

And our Ramsey Show question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Neighborly is one place that brings together a nationwide family of locally operated providers to help you take care of repairs, routine maintenance, and home improvements. Go to neighborly.com slash Ramsey today to get started on your search. All right. Today's question comes from Adrienne in Georgia. Adrienne writes, my fiance and I are in our seventies. Ah, the girl Adrienne. I love it. And planning on marrying in the next six months. Dude. Yes. We're going to, we're going to end up at the end

with no tread left on the tires. Good for you. I've heard your advice on always combining finances as a married couple. However, I'm not sure if that's a reasonable path when both parties have children from previous marriages. What's the best approach here? That's a great question. That is a great question. Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, they're, yes, you guys as an entity, as a married couple, you're going to be dealing with finances together. You're going to be doing, paying household bills, like working as a team on all of that going to be dealing with finances together. You're going to be doing, paying household bills,

like working as a team on all of that. But it always raises an interesting point when there are grown children involved from previous families. And, you know, do you suddenly combine the family just because you got married in your seventies and everyone's equal, you know what I mean?

Like all of that. And yeah. And I lean towards keeping it separate still at this, at this stage life I mean in my head I'm like like your your your immediate family before this marriage was pretty much done I mean like you've grown kids you've done your job your life this is something different that's right exactly this is somebody like let's just are we gonna let's just party until the wheels fall off like let's do this together right right right so I'm all about combining your incomes at this point, seeing yourselves as one,

because you guys could still have 20 great years, right? 20 more years, that's right. So as much as a team aspect that you can do, I mean, all my advice would be the same, but I would say things like estate planning, wills, stuff with grown kids. If you want to keep all of that more separate and his money that he brought

into the marriage maybe is is divvied up among his kids i don't know like well this is one of the very few times and again this this matters a lot if they neither of them have anything it doesn't matter right right um but if either of you or both of you have any sort of um wealth or an estate this is one of the rare times when I would be okay, not only okay, but I would recommend a prenup. And here's why. You're not protecting each other. You're protecting your husband or wife if one of you passes away from cousins and kids coming out of the woods that is going to take stuff from you. So it might be that I don't want, if Rachel, if you and I were married and I died,

I don't want my kids suing you. Like, I don't want that mess. So I want both sides to be protected here. But I do think for the sake of your marriage, whatever money, Social Security coming here, dividends coming here, I think they should go in the same pot. And we're going to make married decisions about bills.

We're not just going to be roommates for the next 20 years. We're going to be married. So let's do it. Let's do it right. Absolutely. Yeah. And that's not just from the technical aspect and the logistics side of it, but there's also an emotional part of this. I mean, Andrea, when you really do see yourself as one, and this is if you're 70 and getting married or 27 and getting married, there's an emotional connection there that's really beautiful. And I don't want you guys missing out on that. Even for the 20 years, maybe you guys have together

in the vein of like, well, we're just adults now and we've done this all ourselves. So we're gonna just keep it separate. I think you guys miss a level of intimacy and connection if you don't combine what, yes, the income that's coming in now or social security all of that like your your life livelihood and your um day-to-day life combine all of that

financially and work as a team and just for just just for like a different picture of this um my wife and i've been married for 21 years it feels like a thousand years we've been married both good and bad there's a chance they are married that long or or maybe a little bit long right that's a long time yes so let's do this let's do it let's we're married we're gonna be married we're gonna be all in both feet in the boat we're not just gonna have one foot on land and one foot in the water it's good all right let's go to the phones we got lynn in minneapolis hi Lynn. Welcome to the show. Oh, thank you, Rachel and John. I'm so grateful for your wisdom and can surely use some direction in our dilemma here.

Oh, well, thank you, Lynn. How can we help? Well, we need to know how to leave a cabin in our will to our kids without causing resentment and issues. Okay. Tell me about the resentment that you think will emerge if you give them a cool gift like a cabin. Well, they would be getting our house as well. We own our house. We own our two cars, and we own our cabin, and we are currently retired.

And one of our children, they're both in their 30s. They're adult kids. One has a family and has a really, really good job. And the other one is coming out of prodigal stage and is on really good track and is at the university getting a degree, finishing a degree in cybersecurity. So, and he's really good at computers and tech stuff.

So we're hoping the best for him at this point. But traditionally, he doesn't have money. And the cabin costs about 25 to 30 grand a year just to sit there. And it's not a fancy cabin. It was built in 58. But between property taxes and utilities, it costs about 25 to 30 grand a year. So if this is given to them, and now all of a sudden you know generally costs would be split and they would probably split a calendar on it as far as when they would use it and stuff like that um you know the one without the money is is uh i don't know maybe the one with the money is going to be left holding the bag to pay for things right without the money right i mean i can just see this whole thing yeah no absolutely lynn do they both want the cabin

oh yes they do okay so it is like a family it's the family jewel yes okay okay now the one that now the one that doesn't have the money he's not going to not have money forever correct right but but that's been his life so far yeah yeah well yeah at that point this doesn't become a gift it becomes a burden um to the point that you just like he can't afford to be able to participate in something because you guys aren't leaving a million dollar fund to be able to pull from to keep up the cabin, right? They're gonna be expected to pay this $30,000 a year to maintain the cabin. And so it'd be like any other asset,

I think as an adult that if I can't pay for this out of my own pocket and help keep this afloat I can't afford it and so I know that's really harsh I know it's really harsh because of the situation and and it's a family you know part but what ends up probably going to have to happen is I would I would still keep it 50 50 and then I would communicate all of this but the older son there's probably a reality that he's gonna have to buy out the other half of the brother right because the other brother can't maintain that now if he now in in five years Lynn he could right be able to help pay 10-15,000 a year at this point our estate is probably worth around $5 million.

So at this point, he would be getting half of that. So he could... He would have some money to be able to operate it. Right. What about the possibility of putting it into a trust and then putting some sort of... creating a fund that would pay for this thing for a decade? Oh, I love that.

The language I would use would be an endowment. It wouldn't really be like that, but it would be an investment fund that was designed to pay for this thing for X number of years. The other thing would be this. What if you left it to your oldest son and said, in the will, it is our expectation that you share this with your brother? Yeah. And he'll pay for the upkeep. He'll pay for the stuff.

And the asset stays in his family, of course. And so that becomes like, well, I want to split it whenever we sell it. And I don't want uncle, sue, and nephew kind of thing. But I'm like you. I don like you. I, I don't know. I just hate to put somebody in a position where the whole, I've got to put fight.

A brother's got to fight a brother because of a gift. Right. I'd rather an uncomfortable conversation up front. Hey, we're going to give us to your brother. The expectation is you'll be able to use it whenever y'all will navigate that. Yes. But if he gets that full assets, then he is still technically owed part that money, right?

The brother will have to buy him out. We have a break. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls and your questions about your life and your money. With the giving season upon us, we do a giving show every single year, and it's coming up here in a few weeks. And so we want to hear stories from you and how you have given generously this season. So maybe you tipped a waiter or waitress, you know,

a hundred bucks, or maybe you bought a Thanksgiving dinner for a family that couldn't afford it. Whatever the creative ways that you have been giving this season, we would love to hear about that and that story of how it's changed you, how it changed the lives of the people that you are giving to. So if you go to ramsaysolutions.com slash ask

and put giving in the subject line, we want to hear your story. We do this every year around this time. And this show is going to be on December 18th. So start sending in your stories today because we are all about living like no one else. So later you can live and give like no one else. Giving and generosity is a huge part of our message and we love to celebrate that. So again, December 18th is our giving show. We want to hear from you. RamseySolutions.com slash ask and put giving in the subject line. Can I say something real quick about that? That we do not tell giving stories so that we pat you on the back for giving.

I think the giving stories are super impactful and I've learned from them. It gives me a picture of what giving looks like in the wild and it gives me ideas because I don't, it, it might never have occurred to you to tip tip. You tip somebody $500 and they started to weep, like never even occurred to me. I'm going to try that. Right. You just walked into a Walmart and saw, um, a mom with a thing full of groceries and you just stuck your ATM card in her thing and paid for it. It never occurred. So this is putting off like 20 different pictures of what generosity looks like in the minds of millions of people.

So this thing spreads all over the place. This is not about patting each other on the back. Be like, oh, way to go, dude. No, no. It's not that at all. But it also is like good for the soul. It's so good for the soul. There is good people out there.

Yes, when you just watch the news all day and you start to get in this belief system that everyone's crazy and we're all, you know. And that is the funny thing. I'm like, we travel around to events and we meet people here in the lobby all the time. And I'm like, there's just great people out in the world, you guys, and doing amazing things.

And when we can highlight that and encourage you, that's what we want to do. So it's a great point, John. All right. Up next, we have Chrissy in Cincinnati. Hey, Chrissy. Welcome to the show. Is this real life? No.

It's real. You're dreaming, Chrissy. This is not real. I feel like I am dreaming. my gosh oh we're glad you called hi guys hello I cannot thank you both enough for everything that you guys do um and um Dr. John Deloney oh my gosh like my my go-to for how to make it through the day, I've listened to every one of your podcasts probably 75,000 different times. I haven't even listened to them at all.

That's awesome. Thank you so much. Me, your mom, and the other original 17. Yeah, dude. Awesome. So what's up? So my question today is I'm looking for, excuse me. Take a big, hey, do me a favor. Take a big, big, deep breath, Chrissy. And hold it for a count of three. One, two, and then let it out.

Okay, that's better. Neither me and Rachel can drive very well, but you're safe. You're safe with us. What's up? Awesome. Okay. So, um, my husband and I were trying to get pregnant for quite a while and, um, we couldn't afford the IBS stuff that we just kept trying. And I had a plethora of different procedures over the last couple of years, um, including have a couple, having a couple of surgeries to have tumors removed. And then in April of this year, I was scheduled for one last surgery to have what we thought was going to be

the last of these tumors removed. And that surgery ended up being a complete hysterectomy. Oh, I see. I'm so sorry. Cleveland Clinic, as well as several of the local renowned hospitals here in Cincinnati have given me a diagnosis of primary peritoneal serous tumors. And basically all the organs they took out were riddled with cancer and it has invaded my peritoneum. And there's things they can do to help, but nothing they can do to really make it go away. And so I am really just trying to figure out a way to deal with this while still being a parent to an 18-year-old and being a wife and while still trying to manage our family's finances because treatment is very much not something that is in our budget right now. And it's a kind of scary thing to know that I can't afford the treatments to be better.

And I just kind of don't know what to do. And I feel like I am at my wit's end day in and day out. And I feel like it is affecting my ability to be a good mom to my 18 year old and to be a good wife to my husband and grieving the fact that we're not going to, my husband and I are not going to have a child together. And, and also just kind of, you know, I'm only 37, and I am very much not ready to die. But this feels like I've been given a, like, life sentence, and I just, I don't know where to go. Yeah. Will you do me a huge favor?

Number one, well, number one, thanks for being brave and laying it all out there. I want you to take both of your hands. I want you to squeeze them as tight as you can for a count of three, okay, where it all out there. I want you to take both of your hands. I want you to squeeze them as tight as you can for a count of three. Okay. Where it's almost uncomfortable. Squeeze them as tight as you can. One, two, three, open them up and open them wide. Okay. Usually when people do that, their shoulders drop too. Yeah, they do. Okay. This is a posture.

This is the posture you're entering into the next phase of your life. Through your attempts to get pregnant, through your attempts to wrangle an 18-year-old, is this a relatively new marriage for both of you? We've been together six years, but we've been married for just over two. Okay. You have a picture of what a quote-unquote perfect wife is. Your grip on your life has gotten tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter. And what you found out in a gnarly, ugly, scary,

I wish you were here so Rachel and I could hug you and let you see that we love you and care about you, that we really don't control much anything. Okay? Right. All of those questions you rattled off, I don't know about the money,

I don't know about being a mom, I'm being a terrible this, I'm not good enough for that, let that go. Okay? Yeah. Does your husband love you? Very much so.

Would he go to hell and back for you? He has a couple of times. I know. He'll continue to. Does that 18-year-old love you? She does. I know 18-year-olds sometimes don't know how to say it just right, but does she? She does.

She's pretty good at it. So what you have is two people plus you holding hands, looking at this life that we wanted so bad that doesn't exist anymore. It's ash. And the path before us is A, above all other things, we're going to fight and we're going to do what we can to stay healthy. Okay? Yeah. The second thing is we're going to be really clear with each other, how we feel, how we're doing, how are you? How can I love you today? How can you love me today?

We're going to practice that new way of doing life together because we're not guaranteed anything other than right this. Yeah. Hey, Chrissy, did they give you, I'm not familiar with that type of, that type of cancer. Did they give you a timeframe at all? No, no, they haven't. They, you know, they wanted to do more you know they wanted to do more scans they wanted to do um some different kinds of treatment but um so i do not have health insurance and the scan was like i mean it was like a fifteen thousand dollar scan so that was just happened a couple of months ago and just hasn't yet okay okay i want you to sit down with a hospital social worker and i want you to ask

for is there any sort of inigent care or support care for people who don't have insurance? They'll point you in direction. Because on life and death, stuff like this, Chrissy, do what you have to do, right? You can worry about the money later. I know it's stressful, but I want you to do what you can to fight for your life. So hear us say that. I'm so sorry. You and your husband spend some time creating. What's this week going to look like? We're going to take this week by week for the next year. Okay. Thanks for the call, Chrissy. We're so proud of you. Thanks to everyone in the booth, John, for a great hour. Thank you, America, for listening. And remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.