The Ramsey Show - App - I Feel Guilty Because My Family Members Are Homeless (Hour 3)

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your work, your money, and your purpose. I am John Deloney, joined here with best-selling author Ken Coleman, and we are taking your calls on pretty much anything, 888-825-5225. Ken, how are things going on in your world? Well, I've got to tell you, John, we are having a blast getting ready for what I think is going to be a massive job boom. I am very, very expectant. Yes. And that is because we see unemployment numbers getting a little bit better,

but more importantly, we see as more and more states begin to open up, states that have been under a pretty strict lockdown, we're going to see the industry that was really the hardest hit because of COVID and that was really what I would call the hospitality industry. So that's hotels, bars, restaurants,

amusement parks, any kind of touristy type thing. And as we see those sites and types of businesses come back on board, I think you're going to see a lot of spike in employment. I also think because a lot of people are sitting and kind of hunkering down. I shared this last week on the Ken Coleman Show. A lot of people hunkering down, kind of going, wait a second. Maybe a lot of people that are working on their baby steps, John.

They're going, hey, I want to make a move. I feel like now is the right time to make a move. But I'm not ready yet. I want to see how this economy kind of shakes out. So all that said, John, we're super excited with what we're doing here at Ramsey Solutions to help people get hired. And I know that you're excited because you came out with a book that I think, we call it a Ramsey Quick Read. The bottom line is it's a small book, kind of a book that I like. It's a pamphlet, right?

Get it to me, baby. It's for my buddies that I grew up with. Where's the Beef, one of my favorite old Wendy's commercials, right? Oh, where's the beef, yes. Yeah, the little lady rolls up, where's that beef? And you did this, Redefining Anxiety. I mean, that's a pretty bold title. Yeah, man, it actually was a throwaway line here.

We kept getting calls on the show about how do I deal with this? How do I deal with this? How do I stop this? And it was just a throwaway line. Man, anxiety is not the problem. Our lives are, right? These lives that we've been told are. Well, the book has hit a nerve.

It has, man. I think we projected to sell about 72 copies, and we have sold tens and tens and tens of thousands. So it's been a fun trajectory, man. JohnDeloney.com, D-E-L-O-N-Y. I want to make sure you folks know about this resource because it is an 80-page read. And it's going to give you a tremendous amount of practical wisdom, but it's really going to give you hope. And you can read it and immediately begin to apply. That's the big thing, man, is, man, you do not have to be crippled and burdened by this.

So we're taking calls. Hey, are you dealing with some anxiety at work? John and I will tag team that one right there together. We'll take on what's going on in the work situation, what your options are. John will talk to you about how to really deal with that. Difficult relationships. Toxic workplace. Huge reason for a lot of unhappiness. Some of you struggling financially.

Going, hey, I've heard about the show. I've just been listening. I don't know where to start. I'm on board. My spouse is on board. Uh-oh. That's a John Deloney special. We've got a money issue, but it's really a relationship issue.

So here's the point. We're here. We're a toll-free number away from clarity and confidence to move forward. That's right. 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Garrett in Amarillo, Texas. Amarillo by afternoon, Garrett. How are we doing? Doing well. How are you? Good, good, good. What's up, brother? How can we help? Okay, so for context, my wife and I are on baby step two. We started in the start of 2020, and we have paid off up until this point $50,000. Way to go.

In student loans and a car. Way to go, brother. What we have left is right around $21,000, and in savings at this moment, we have just under $20,000 because we're in stork mode with a baby coming next month. Okay. Is this your first baby? It is, yeah. Okay.

So my question is, by the time we get there, with what is going on in Congress, which I don't expect them to do anything good, but if there's a chance of... What? Wait, what, Garrett? What? Why so cynical? I don't expect them to do anything good, but if there's a chance of... Wait, wait, what, Garrett? What? Why so cynical? I don't understand. If there's a chance of it being forgiven, should we let them have the chance of paying it off

and pay for these medical bills that will be coming from the baby instead of paying it off up front? Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. So when's your baby due, Garrett? April 25th. Girl or boy? Girl. Uh-oh. First one? Yeah. First one, yeah. Girl or boy? Girl. Uh-oh.

First one? Yeah. First one, yeah. Brother, congratulations, man. Yeah, it's awesome. And John and I are both girl dads, and I've got to tell you, it's pretty awesome. You think you understand what's in your heart, Garrett? No.

You have no idea. You are going to have a capacity for love that you did not know was available. Your West Texas buddies are going to be laughing at you because you're going to want to sit at home and hug a tiny little daughter instead of hanging out like you used to. Here's the thing, man. It's into April when your baby's due. I would hang on to that money.

It's not going anywhere. This has nothing to do with Congress, man. I don't trust that situation as far as I can throw it or see it. Every click is going to tell you something different. So I would move that off to the side. I wouldn't even think about that. You've got way more important things to think about, which is the arrival of your baby girl.

You guys are basically sitting on being debt-free, but I want you to pile up that cash for another couple of months. Get through this season. It's going to be, but make sure everything's smooth, you guys. And don't spend this on a new bassinet. Don't get anything fancy. Keep living the way you're living, but hang on to that cash. And then, man, you get into May, get into June, and everything's good.

Go ahead and be debt-free so your little baby girl has no idea what that type of stress looks like. Hey, Garrett, I understand why you called and why you asked this question. It's your first baby, and you guys don't even know what you don't know. Welcome to parenthood, by the way. That never changes. I've got three teenagers right now, and I'm reminded every second of every day that I don't know what I don't know. But one exercise that I would like you to at least play out on paper is, are you guys, do you have health care?

So the baby, most of the expenses are through health care or no? We do. Our max out-of-pocket is $4,000. And so I was wondering if we need to just pay that $4,000 out instead of putting on student loans instead of paying the hospital bills and adding that to the debt snowball. So we're getting rid of student loans completely instead of hospital bills. Does that make sense? Yeah, no.

Pay your bills as they come. Pay the bills. So this is the exercise right here. So we know you're going to have max out-of-pocket $4,000 just for the delivery in the hospital, right, assuming everything goes smoothly. So there's $4,000, okay? And you said you have 21 set aside. Is that right?

Just under 20 set aside and 21 remain i'm sorry got it so so let's just call it 19 and change so almost 20 so you got the four out of pocket then i want you to to talk to some young couples in the area you guys know some young couples they got babies we do yes yeah get an idea from them what they spent on diapers over the last two, three months. They'll tell you. A million dollars. Yeah. Well, it's really not that much.

And then baby food and whatever else. I want you guys to really play this out because you've been walking the baby steps, so you're used to writing stuff down. I just want you to be aware right now what the increase in cost is going to be ballpark. The impact budget. The budget. Because I think you'd be surprised. But we are okay, and we tell folks this, pause the baby steps as you get into baby. But once you get that budget reset, you pay cash for that out-of-pocket expense

at the hospital and baby's beautiful and she's at home, then I would really aggressively return and pay off a big chunk of those remaining loans. You guys are almost there. So do your homework first. You're not going to need all that money just because baby's coming, I promise. And Garrett, stop by the flower shop on the way and make sure you're the first man to buy that little girl flowers. Great advice. John making everybody cry right now.

Nope. Just making sure that girl knows who loves her. I agree, man. I agree. Awesome time for you guys this is the ramsey show hey guys rachel cruz here ever feel like you'll never save money or pay off all your debt we know 2020 didn't help but it's a new year and you can hit reset with your money. It's time to focus and get debt out of your life so you can have more money to save and spend worry-free.

We're here to help. Ramsey Plus is our step-by-step plan that gets you quick wins so you can make faster progress on your debts. And that debt is gone for good, you get more money back in your pockets. The best part is you can try Ramsey Plus for free. And once you become a member, you'll get a free federal e-file with Ramsey Smart Tax and the audio book of my brand new bestseller, Know Yourself, Know Your Money. You'll have everything you need

to finally get your money under control. To become a member of Ramsey Plus, go to daveramsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. go to DaveRamsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. That's DaveRamsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. Or call our Ramsey concierge team at 888-22-PEACE. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go on out to Medford, Oregon and talk to Travis.

Travis, what's going on? Hey, how you doing? Thanks for taking my call. You bet. Thanks for calling. How can we help? Well, I'm recently engaged to my fiancee, Chelsea. Congratulations.

Thank you, guys. And she's actually hopefully going to get on this call here. But anyway, we had a question trying to navigate how to combine finances. We're both on the same page as far as combining our money together. Okay. I'm self-employed and the business requires a substantial amount of money that kind of stays within the business. And I've been paying myself out of that previously. And we're just trying to figure out how the best way to decide how much.

I mean, do we pay ourselves on the personal side? Just trying to figure out how to combine finances, but keeping the business what it needs, if that makes sense. Kind of. It's kind of a confusing way to ask it. Do you both work for the business or just you? Just me. She has a job. Okay. And so what do you pay yourself or how do you pay yourself from your business? Basically, what I've been doing up until now is I pay myself $2,400 a month out of the business to take care of a home mortgage, you know, just the personal finances. So is there any reason why you would change that number that you've been paying yourself? The small amount of discussion that we've had is we'd like to basically figure out what we need together for budget wise. And then if that number needs to change, it can. We just, we don't have a number in mind, but is that a good way to even look at it? Yeah, sure. I think

you're just overthinking it unless I'm missing something. I mean, here's the deal. She's going to have a job. yes or no? Yes. And you have a job. And so you pay yourself in your job. So you guys just sit down and do your budget. What do we think? I mean, are you going to be moving into your house? Is she going to be moving into your house?

I mean, what are we doing there? Do we know? We actually live together now. So we're living in a house that I bought years ago. Okay, so just do the numbers. Just do the numbers. What is your budget? And now you've gone from one income to two incomes.

She's got some bills maybe, but you guys combine everything. Yes, you should combine finances. And so you just do a budget and our combined finances. And if all of a sudden, let's say, for whatever reason, I'm just doing this for example purposes, let's say that she makes enough money to where you only have to pay yourself $2,000 a month. Well, that's $400 a month. That's savings for your company. Don't overthink it.

And then, for the first, if the company needs to shed down some more money to make things happen for each other, then it goes the other way, too. Sure, you're in charge. It sounds like, yeah, you're giving yourself a raise, right? But are you, let me say it this way. You all need to have a combined personal income, but you need to have your business expenses separate from your personal income. Yes.

Does that make sense? And so can your business afford your 24 000 your salary um it can and it probably could afford some more but the more i take out of the business side the because it's we've only been in business for like four years so we're in growth mode yeah great so only pay yourself what you need yeah again uh i love the question but this is pretty simple stuff. Put your budget together. And again, if you could pay yourself less, pay yourself less.

If you need to pay yourself more, pay yourself more. But get on the same page. You said at the start of the phone call that they're on the same page. He said they're on the same page. So walk the baby steps out together. Right. And don't live out of your – it sounds like you may be using your business account as almost like a flex spending account for your personal life. You pay your bills, but if you need something, you'll just go grab it out of there.

Man, you need to get on a budget on your business, paying you your salary, and then you need to learn to live off that salary. You need to ask yourself for a raise if you need more money, but don't be dipping into your business just for when personal things show up that way. That's a good way to get yourself into some trouble there. All right, let's go to Edwin in Greensboro. Edwin, what's going on? Hi, can you hear me? Yes, we can. How are you?

Good. How are you? So my name is Edwin. I live in North Carolina. I work as an equipment engineer. I'm 22, and I just graduated last May. Thank you. My question is, what are the next steps? Should I get a house? Should I continue renting? I don't like just money going to waste. My lease ends in September, but the housework is pretty high right now.

I save about $2,000 each month for a house or I don't know what yet. And that's when you can help me out, see if I should look into getting a house now or not. I have about $5,000 in savings. Do you have any debt? Yes, $20,000 for student loans. Yeah, so what you want to do here is you don't have any business buying a house until you are ready to buy a house. And if you are $20,000 plus in student loan debt, you need to get that paid off first.

So what you need to do is you need to take $1,000 and put it, this is a last ditch emergency fund. This is because the moment you get on this track, brother, you're going to need to replace a tire or something like that. You want $1,000. All the rest of your money is going to go to pay off those student loans. And you're going to keep renting. And you're

not going to see the inside of a restaurant. And you're going to rice and beans. And you're going to deliver Uber on the weekends. And you are going to knock out that student loan, the rest of that $20,000 worth of debt. You're not going to buy a new car. You're not going to go party. You're just going to do whatever you got to do to get out of debt. And then you're going to save up three months, maybe four or five months worth of emergency expenses. You're going to become your own bank. You're not trying to invest this money. You're not trying to get rich off this money. This is just money that's going to protect you from whatever's coming your way. And one thing you can count on now that you've graduated college,

life is going to be about things coming your way. Then you can get on track to start saving for a house. So you're a couple years away. It's no rush. I know it feels like the end of, like, I've got to get this done. I've got to get this done. Here's the thing, man. I just bought a house.

I've been renting. We got it inspected. It was great. and within the first four months i've had to replace the driveway a new roof and that stuff's expensive and thank goodness we had a an emergency fund to pay for those things out of that fund we want your home to be a blessing to you want your home to be something that makes you go not something that you are stressing about every single week to try to pay off. You got this, young man.

Slow down. You're good. You're not wasting by renting. You're not wasting by renting. That's keeping you free. That's right. Man, did you feel that burn to buy a house? I didn't have that when I graduated college.

No, as a matter of fact. Well, when I got out, was working so i was i was in politics i was working all over the place so i was in these i would call mid to crappy level hotels and i was just working working working and saving money and then i met stacy and we got married and um we rented an apartment and i gotta tell, we thought this apartment was the Taj Mahal. It was a two-bedroom apartment in Richmond, Virginia. Yeah. Brand new.

No one had even lived in it. Wow. That is the Taj Mahal. Oh, and listen, I had been literally all around the Commonwealth of Virginia and really, you know, I'm not kidding when I say mid to crappy level. Like a mid-level would have been, you know, it would have been a shock. They left the light on for you? Essentially. Yeah.

And so for me at that stage of my life, being 23, this was like, this is a brand new apartment. It was like a giant hotel suite. And for my wife, Stacey, again, she'd been in college and grad school, so it always shared a room with two or three other gals, you know, in older. And she had her own room on this one. Yeah. We had like a master bedroom with a bathroom and again a nice size apartment yeah so for us we were so in love with this living arrangement

that the housing thing for us was two or three years later we rented for about two three years because we were scared we didn't want to take on too much debt and i think these young people got to realize listen um you what you think is throwing away your money is keeping you free. Because once you get locked into debt that you can't afford, let me tell you something. That's a different ballgame. Renting is not a sin. We say that a lot. We need to remind you.

If you're not ready to purchase a house with a minimum of 20% down, just keep renting. You're not throwing money away. No, you're protecting yourself in the short term and the long term. I know it feels so good. Interest rates are low. It feels like this. Just slow down. Ed, when you are so far ahead of the game for even thinking this way,

let's get your debt paid off. Let's get some cash in your bank. You're going to walk taller. You're going to sleep deeper. And then you can start worrying about investing, buying a house, and start worrying about what comes next. Love your heart, brother. Hang in there. This is The Ramsey Show. Blinds.com.

Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Jason in Bentonville. Jason asks, how do I get a handle on what my career sweet spot should be? I have a lot of interest my career sweet spot should be? I have a lot of interest, and I'm not sure which one to pursue.

Well, Jason, just so happens Ken Coleman is sitting next to me, and he is the master at talking about sweet spots and interest. What do you say, Ken? So what we call the sweet spot is really your contribution zone, and there's multiple jobs, career paths, even multiple dream jobs in that contribution zone, or otherwise known as the sweet spot. So here's how we figured out. You've got a lot of interest. So we want to have a grid by which we can plug these interests into.

And so there's a three-part process, or three parts of the grid, if you will. Number one is talent. So get down on a piece of paper, three columns. Far left, write the word talent, big bold letters under that. I want you to write down the hard skills and soft skills, your top five, six, or seven. If it's 10, that's fine. But we want to know the things that you're really, really good at, things that you've always been able to do very easily, things that people compliment you on. We're just looking for sheer talent, proficiency here. Second column,

write passion above that line. And this is work that you love. So I define this as high emotion, high devotion. High emotion means when I think about this work, I get really excited. When I'm engaging in this work, I feel the juice. And then I don't want to stop this work. I enjoy doing this work. I would do this work potentially for free. That's high emotion, high devotion. Final column on the far right is mission. And this means results that matter deeply to you, results you want to contribute to the world, results you want to accomplish.

So all work creates results, John. And so that's why we look at it this way. And so now we write down the very specific type of work under passion, and then under mission, the type of results. Who are the people you want to help? Problem you want to solve. Solutions you want to provide. That's what you're looking for under mission. Okay? And so once you have those details, you go, oh, I see some real clear clues. And so we now go back to, I have a lot of interests. What are those interests? Do they line up? Do you have the talent to do this interest? Do you have the passion to do this interest? Does this interest allow you to align with the results

that you want to put in this world? And so what happens is, this is really stage one of my seven stages to meaningful work, and let's get clear. That's the process. So once we know, oh, this interest lies within this sweet spot, if you will, these two don't, great. Because here's what we don't want to do. We don't want to be high on passion, low on talent. That's going to make for some big time frustration. Awkward. That's your Simon Cowell moments, right? There you go. But with the reverses, we don't want to be high on talent, low on passion. That's going to make for some desperation, right? I'm doing this. I'm

pretty good at it, but I don't have any juice. So that's why we put it that way. And here's what those answers plug into, really a purpose sentence. And we're talking about purpose in your work here. You use what you do best to do work you love to accomplish results that matter deeply to you. And you will find that that will open up a whole lot of work to you. It's not just one silver bullet dream job. There's so much out there. So don't get all hung up in that anxiety of, which path do I choose? Here's the reality.

You could choose any path as long as it aligns and it's within your sweet spot. Tell me if you've heard this, because this has been true in my life. And now that I'm thinking about it out loud here it matches with some of the psychology research we are often terrible at working through our own thoughts at some of these things it was a few years ago i heard an author i think here in nashville named andrew peterson said your community often does a great job of defining your calling. I've often said, you know, be talking to my wife and, you know, my mission is this and she'll laugh and go, no, it's not.

This is what I always see you doing. This is when I see you walk taller. This is what brings you joy. I'm really good at this. And she'll say, no, you're not. You're really good at this. And she'll say, no, you're not. You're really good at this. Is it, I guess in my life, I often will have these conversations with other people. Like when I got offered this job, I called some buddies back in Texas.

I actually went and visited with them. And they listened to how preposterous it sounded that I was going to quit my other career to come do this maybe thing on the radio. And they all listened and said, yeah, that sounds crazy. And that sounds right. You know what I mean? Sure. Because you're good at this. Sure.

There's something about, for me, having other people reflect this to me. The reason is because self-awareness, as you know, being a psychologist, self-awareness is not easy. No. There's so many things. We either over-inflate or under-inflate ourselves, right? Yeah. And so when I look in the mirror and see me, I see imperfections. I see stories from my past.

I see failures. I see fears. I see doubts. And it's literally like trying to drive in a super foggy night. And I can only see literally to the windshield, maybe to the hood of the car. When we look in the mirror and we're dealing with all those other things, sometimes it's very hard to see ourselves clearly. So having people who are very honest with us,

who know us well, Right. and love us enough to be honest, And that we can hear. Right. That we can hear, that is a game changer

because, again, it's like them showing us a very clear mirror and they're going, you think, like you just said, that you're not good at this, but the fact of the matter is

you are good at it. Well, I'm not a really great speaker said, that you're not good at this, but the fact of the matter is you are good at it. Well, I'm not a really great speaker. Well, you're actually really good at communicating whether you think you're a great speaker. And I see you in front of people. When you do, people light up. You know, whatever that is. Right. So, yes, this process is good that I lay out is good, but I always teach, go get feedback.

I love it. Because you want somebody to tell you whether or not you're delusional. We make fun of these poor kids on American Idol or other talent shows that go out there and proceed to just look like idiots and morons and just doofuses on stage because we laugh at them because we're like, oh my gosh, they're passionately, awfully performing and we laugh. And because of the line of work I'm in, it's never funny to me. I'm dying when I see that person do that because I want to rush up there

and grab them before they start and go, hey, you're passionate about this, but you don't have the talent to do it. And in the first four or five seasons, I'll never forget the most common refrain in my head

and with my buddies was, what kind of friends? Yeah, or parents. What kind of family? Oh. Somebody's got to sit you down and say, hey. Yeah, well, here's my favorite. I mean, I got to tell you, you want to talk about revealing.

Any of you who've watched American Idol before, you've seen the kid who gets told that they're not good, and they get mad at the world-class judges and producers who've sold millions and millions of records. Right. And they're like, I'll show you. You don't get it. American Idol's missing out on me. And they're like, I'll show you. You don't get it. American Idol's missing out on me.

And they're the ones that are delusional. And as they're storming off in anger, you almost always see the parent in the background of the camera shot. And the parent is either doing one of two things. They're getting along with it, and they're just like, these people are idiots. My son's talented, or my daughter, whatever. But the ones that I see most is the parent who's ashamed.

And in this moment, the parent's realizing I should have told them. Yep. But they asked me and I fell prey to the parenting style of we want Johnny and Susie to feel good. Right. Instead of teaching them how to be good, do good. And this is the parenting mistake we make. We get so worried about our kids feeling good.

We want our kids to like us. Instead of teaching them how to be good and do good. And by the way, being good and doing good comes with a massive, massive, massive dose of self-awareness. And boundaries. And here's the magic word. You can't have boundaries if you're not aware. Yeah.

It comes from parents have to model it, right? Yeah. Because you can talk all day to your kids, but you've got to show them. That's exactly what it is. They lie to their kids. You sing so good, Johnny. Incredible. Johnny goes out there and humiliates himself.

And the reason he's mad is because Johnny can't process his feelings because he's been told he's great this whole time. And then these three people just told him he's awful. How are you supposed to process that, John? Or when somebody calls you at work, let's bring this a little bit closer to home. Hey, man, I got passed over again. Yeah. I think they don't like me.

Right. You can do one of two things. You can say, hey, let's go get coffee. Yeah. And tell them the truth. Hey, man, you're always late. Yeah. Or the work you do, you're better than this.

Yeah. You're unlikable. You're not going to like this job. Right. Right. This is a budget job. Or you're kind of a jerk, man. Yeah, you act like a bull in a china shop. Or the other response is, yeah, man, they're just hosing you.

It's probably because of fill in the blank. It's all them. And that doesn't help anybody. It hurts. Because then they take that attitude and then they take that toxicity with them to the next stop. And they just, honestly, they just dump it on everybody else, everywhere they go. Because they never get any truth, which leads to that enlightening opportunity to go, Oh, this is where I can succeed.

This is where I can have success. This is where I sense significance. I can look back on my life, whether it's Kevin Roberts or John Earl Thompson or Phil Schubert. I could rattle names off all day of folks, Mike Gibson, who have stopped me, pulled me in a room and said, this isn't the right path. You can do better work here. Today's scripture is Ephesians 2, 10. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Walt Disney says,

The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. We got to do that one again. I love me some Walt. Walt Disney says, the way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. Ken, why is it so hard to stop planning and thinking and researching and asking and going to coffee? Because? And just go hit the dude in the mouth and see what happens.

Because we've got fear on one shoulder and doubt on the other. And fear is going, this is going to happen if you step out. This is going to happen. This could happen. And then you've got doubt going, it's too late. You don't have what it takes. You're too old. You should have got a different degree.

You should have fill in the blank. Yeah, fear and doubt, man, it just turns that amygdala on in our brain, dude, that fight or flight, and we're like, ah! And it's just, you've got to get out of your head and follow your heart. I'm always telling people that. There's a wrestling match between your head and your heart, and you've got to follow your heart.

You've got to follow your heart, because if your heart's going, I know this is right, we know we need to do it, we've used our head enough, we've logicked this thing to death, and we know we have what it takes, talent. We know we're passionate about the work. And we know we want to create these results. Then go. At some point,

just go. The fighting, the fighter's training camp is over. I mean, Walt Disney's story, just go. See, I think sometimes we make guys like Walt Disney this, these magical, mythical business heroes until you actually learn their story and you read his story.

He's only that because the dude straight up went after it, man, all in, all in, multiple times. Burned the boats, right? Yeah. So, you know, grab the story there and you realize that's what made him.

He actually believed. Nobody else believed him except his brother, Roy. He just kept swinging? Yeah. He got it right. The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. I love it, man. All right, let's go to Hope in Roanoke, Virginia.

What's up, Hope? How are we doing? I'm doing great. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for your call. How can we help? All right. So literally as soon as my husband and I really sat down

and committed to the Dave Ramsey method, our household income doubled the following week. Whoa! You can't just dangle that, Hope. How did that happen? Give us the details. Well, my husband and I both had changes within our jobs. We got a substantial raise, and I was finally taken off furlough status, made full-time, and given a substantial raise.

Wow. That is so awesome. When you say double, give me a ballpark. What's the number? Well, for the past, the first three years of our marriage, the most we brought in was $45,000 a year. This year, we're estimated to bring in was $45,000 a year. This year, we're estimated to bring in about $95,000.

Good for you. Very cool. All right, keep going. That was fun. So what's your question? Yeah. I grew up in severe poverty, actually. In fact, my family is homeless right now after their second foreclosure. So my question is, how do I go about managing my money without feeling overwhelming guilt over my household income and still managing

the massive amount of debt that we do have? How much debt do you have? Let's get that out of the way first, and John will talk you through that guilt stuff so 65 000 that's it just just 65 that's it 10 in a car 25 in cars and 30 in students okay whoa slow down give that to me again what give me the breakdown 10 000 in cars okay 25 000 in cars, like credit cars. Oh, got it. Okay. And then $30,000 in student loans. Okay. All right. How much is that car worth?

My car, I paid $17,000 for it. We have about $10,000 plus, and we're sharing a car. Okay. So y'all are after it. So are y'all just running and gunning here? You essentially had money fall from the sky, right? Y'all have been working hard. Your income has doubled. And when you went all in, you had a plan.

Are y'all throwing every extra penny towards this debt? Literally, the moment we decided, we've already switched to the past envelope system. We have a set amount of money every paycheck that strictly goes to bills. We have a massive amount going towards debt. I did some math. We're estimated to pay everything off in about two to two and a half years. Okay, that's amazing. So you just answered one half of your question.

Yes. And the good news is you answered the half that I may have weighed in on. So this is all on Dr. Deloney now. But that second half of the question was, you said, how do I manage my money and take good care of it and not feel guilty? Well, look, you're walking out the baby steps. You guys have tremendous momentum. Just follow the plan.

And you guys are doing it. And I sense that joy in you. And you can feel it. And you see that future. I love that you got that two, two and a half year mark. So here's the deal. Keep walking it out. Don't stop the baby steps for nothing. Don't stop. Now, that's the answer to that future. I love that you got that two, two and a half year mark. So here's the deal. Keep walking it out. Don't stop the baby steps for nothing.

Don't stop. Now that's the answer to that question. John, that guilt thing though. Yeah, that guilt thing will wear you out. So tell me about growing up. What was it like? So when my family bought their first house, it was worth $190,000. When they got foreclosed on, they had $290,000 in

equity and it's only worth about $240,000. So there's a huge history of racking up credit card and racking up all this debt. And in fact, there was a mindset in my household that debt was more godly, and it was really horrible to witness growing up. And so whenever anyone in my family had more money, the rest of the family would almost attack them. And that is what I grew up in. And so now that I have the ability to build wealth, it's scary. So money is going to set off. Money was weaponized, right?

And it was a scarcity, right? So you got to see, you had a first row seat to pain and hurt and people beating each other up emotionally, psychologically, possibly even physically over this thing called money, this thing called debt. Are you getting calls now, or is this something that you see and that you feel this nudge to go respond to or to go help out at the same time you know we're not even in a place to do that? I've already had pressure put on me to take in my siblings. I have an 18-year-old autistic brother and a 13 year old sister. And, um, it, I've had pressure put on me for helping them find a home and getting out of their situation. And my husband very kindly has been trying to help me to put

boundaries between that. Um, but it doesn't, you know, the guilt runs deep, you know? And learning when to say no is extremely difficult when you're dealing with these kinds of circumstances. No doubt about it. So your husband's on to something. What does a boundary look like for you? Here's what I'm not going to do, Hope. I'm not going to tell you here's what you should do

with your siblings the children I'm not going to tell you you should not do this or that or that or this what I am going to tell you is you've got to put your oxygen mask on first you've got to make sure you are financially okay

or you're going to just swamp the whole boat, right? You're going to end up in the exact same situation because you're trying to save somebody, but you're not anchored in, right? Hope, let me ask you a question really quick. As it sits right this moment, as you're talking to John and I, are you worried about financial ruin or relationship ruin? Neither.

Good. I, neither. Good, Because here's the deal. If you allow the threat of your family being mad at you, you will end up resenting them and you go help them and you sink the financial ship like John's talking about, you're going to cause tension with your husband. You're going to cause tension with the very people that you're trying to help because you'll resent them. So I'm so glad you answered it that way, which tells me, is this really a guilt thing, or do you just feel badly that you feel like you're free from this,

almost like free from this mental lock on the family, and you're free of it? I will tell you, I made a personal decision the moment my husband and I married that the poverty and the drug abuse and all these cycles that have gone on for generations were going to end with me. Good for you. Good for you. And I literally took our income doubling in a week. Yeah. That's a sign, Hope. It in a week. Yeah.

That's a sign, Hope. It's a sign. Hope, don't look back. Hold on to your boundaries. Hold on to your space. And then when you're okay, you can revisit the support, right? And if there is abuse, make sure you're calling the right people to get the proper authorities involved. I want to say thanks to James and Zach Bennett.

Thanks to my good friend Ken Coleman. And thanks to you, America. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer for The Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes section or head over to DaveRamsey.com and click Dave recommends. Thanks for listening.