The Ramsey Show - App - I Feel Like I’m Worth More Than I’m Being Paid (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where we help you win in your life with your money, in your relationships, and in your work. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. That's the number to jump in on the conversation. Dr. John Deloney joins me. I'm Ken Coleman. We are with you, taking you along on the ride the next hour.

So how can we help? Jump in. I promise you there is hope, and we're going to help you see it. Let's get to Lexington, South Carolina. Ken is there. Well, now, this is Kentastic. We have a Ken on the line talking to a Ken, John. It's the year of Ken.

Wow, there's no way you went Kentastic on us. Well, James taught me that one. Ken, how are you? I'm doing good. How about yourselves? A pleasure to be here. Well, it's our pleasure to talk to you. How can we help today? Well, you guys, my heart's pounding. I'm a huge fan of you guys, so I'm going to get right to it. I am in a relationship with a beautiful young woman. She is, you know, just absolutely amazing. Both of us, ever since she's been in my life, has been going to church with me.

But I struggle a little bit with my own self-worth. I feel like if I'm not able to do certain things for her, be able to buy her the nice things and all that stuff, I feel like I'm failing as her significant other. This is a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I plan on making that happen at some point in time in our life. But I struggle a lot with not feeling like I'm enough as far as my income and stuff like that.

What do you do, Ken, and what do you make? I'm a truck driver, and I'm local to my area, and I make roughly, I'm hourly now, so I make roughly about gross probably about $75,000 a year. Okay. Well, let's start with this. Okay. $75,000 is a very good income. And if you look at, well, let me put it this way. I can hear the TikTokers now. It's not a great income. I understand inflation where it is, but $75,000 has been a threshold for many, many decades in research where people say they achieve a certain level of happiness. So you're dud that's all i want to get to i know

john's going to dig in as to why you've got this worth issue but let's just say that financially you're no dud 75 000 driving a truck locally and i would also say that you are nowhere near uh have if you know we're near reaching your potential as it relates to what you can make. You have more financial growth. So you're not a dud, and you have more potential. And I want you to hear that, and that's the truth. That's not a rah-rah speech. This is based on the numbers and what you've done to this point and what that experience could allow you to do in the future. Do you understand what I'm saying? Absolutely. I appreciate that. But do you believe that?

Because it's not a rah-rah speech. Do you believe that you can make more than $75 in the future? I do believe that. I just think that with some things that happened in my past, I struggled because I did have a digital marketing business that I tried to start, and then right after I got my LLC back, COVID hit, and then it just completely tanked.

So I pretty much just gave up on that, which I probably shouldn't have. Maybe you should have. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Brother, who told you when you were real little that you always did it wrong? All right, so it was not my family um my family has always been very supportive as a matter of fact whenever i went through my extreme dark valley that i got that i got into in 2022 um they were there to support me it was actually my previous marriage okay that made me feel like I was not. There we go.

There we go. So here's what I want you to do. And what I'm going to say is going to sound cheesy, and you're going to roll your eyes, and I want you to actually go do it. Do I have your word you'll do it? Absolutely. Absolutely.

That's a lot of trust, Ken. I got to tell you. I don't know what he's going to say. I want you to swing by Home Depot or Lowe's. Oh, I like where this is going. I want you to buy two brand new um cinder blocks okay okay i want you to take them home and i want you to put some duct tape on them and get a magic marker like a black sharpie and i want you to write on that duct tape a few of the sentences that your ex-wife used to stab you with. You're too fat.

You're lazy. Are you seriously? This is what you think is dinner? I want you to write that stuff down on there. And then I want you to write down on the other one some of the things you said to you as your digital marketing business was falling apart and failing. I knew we couldn't do this this sucks this man she was right i want you to write that stuff down okay and then here's

the exercise i want you to set a stopwatch for about 20 minutes or 30 minutes or you don't even have to set a watch i want you to pick up those bricks and I want you just to start making laps around your backyard like a crazy person. Until your forearms burn, until you can't physically hold them anymore, until your hands start to ache. And I want you to go in the back far corner of your backyard and throw them on the ground and literally say, I'm never carrying this again.

Okay. Because what you're doing is you're allowing your ex-wife to have access to your new relationship. You're allowing the fact that you got in the ring like all great boxers and got knocked down like all boxers do. You're allowing that knockdown to define your next fight. And you're just carrying these cinder blocks around with you 24-7, 365. And you're not solving the past. The past happened. What you're doing is making sure you can't be successful moving forward.

Enough is enough is enough. You're worth more than that, dude. Absolutely. I appreciate that. Is that fair? That is fair. Now, Ken, let me ask you this really quick. What do you want to do? What do you think about?

Well, it's funny that you ask that because I kind of anticipated this question being asked, being that I've watched almost or listened to every episode almost on Apple Podcasts, and that's just genuinely direction that you go. But I want to help men who went through stuff like what I went through. I used to be a social media influencer. I actually had a half a million followers at one point in time. And when I separated, I got rid of it all. I didn't want to be a part of it no more. I felt like it was just another burden.

My biggest platform was TikTok, so I know how the TikTok algorithm goes. I now have a program that I actually started, and I want men to be able to get the help that they need and have that accountability

that they're seeking so that they can be bigger and better for their family. Hey, Ken, before you pop in. Real quick, though. I've got to get something out. Okay, get it. Go ahead. Well, Ken, I'm talking to you, Ken, in Lexington.

You have no business teaching men yet until you can walk the walk. Fair? Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Yes and no. Here's what i think uh wounded people help other wounded people in the battlefield it's fair if you can drag somebody off that's fair and here's where i'm going with this i'm not going to try to turn this into a business yet i'm not putting that

on you ken i don't want you to feel it but here's what i do want you to feel if it's getting back on tiktok and just being transparent and bleeding and let people know what you've learned about yourself and what you have walked through and how you're getting on the other side, if that helps one man do that, and here's why I'm telling you that, John. I'm telling him that, John. I want Ken to get some victories.

I want him to see that no matter how bad he's been hurt, damaged, whatever, you're useful. I think being useful is what he needs to do right now. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney joins me.

I'm Ken Coleman. We're Ramsey Personalities, and we are your co-hosts today on The Ramsey Show. 888-825-5225 is the number. It's time for our question of the day. The Ramsey show question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. In case you're a new listener, what does that mean exactly? By the way, John, if I was a new listener and I had my lack of home handyman talent, I wouldn't know what home services. What is that? I have no idea. Thank God for neighborly.

They're a family of locally operated home services providers who are dedicated to helping the Stacy Coleman's of the world survive. Do you know what I mean? Survive their marriages to the Ken Coleman. Because I mean, I can't fix anything. Thankfully I can call and go check out Neighborly. You can start your search today at neighborly.com slash Ramsey.

All right, I got to say, I read through this question early. Oh, you did? I'm real excited about this question. Okay. I haven't read it. This is exciting. I think it can, we might even disagree on it, but I think. Oh, that's fun.

That's a bird in my saddle. All right. Today's question comes from Alexa in Iowa. My husband and I are on baby step two and bring home around $120,000 a year. We have $230,000 in consumer student loan and solar panel debt. Yes, a whole lot of stupid. My husband is a mechanic and has taken on side jobs in his home shop, which provides extra income. I am a CPA and would love to take on side bookkeeping

and payroll work. However, my office has the policy that we can't do that kind of work outside the office for ourselves because they say that would take away from the other employees. I'm struggling to find something that I can do remotely in the financial space that wouldn't conflict with my office policy. Should I talk to my boss or HR department to see what options are available? Or, ooh, this is the magic question, is it none of their business what I do outside of my business hours? Okay. I would talk to the boss or HR department to ask for more clarity on said policy and gently and respectfully keep asking questions

as to why we have the policy and how the policy affects her situation and the reality of that. Because policies to me should always be guidelines and allow the leader flexibility or else we get stupid crazy ideas like you have to wear your mask until you sit at the table and so my point is like meaning meaning that no matter where you fall on that policy you kind of have to go that doesn't make sense and i'm not taking a position on that and i know it's like what so i that irritates me yes and i i don't know what you think about this what i'm going to say maybe you're surprised with this but uh i would say it is a case-by-case basis okay on what a business can dictate to me outside of this place i'm going to say case by case. That's probably fair.

Because my knee-jerk reaction is, you hired me to do a job. I agreed to do that job. When I go home, that's my home. I agree with that part. I think she should be able to do this. And whatever I need to do

to help out my family per our situation right as long as you're not competing or you're in any way uh i'm not using resources company right yeah and i think like so if i have if i'm a mechanic and i take your tools to my house to do work you can't do that not good right i agree um but if you say hey if you come work here and fix cars here you're not allowed to fix any other car anywhere right that feels like an overreach it is you and i agree on that one so when i said case by case but you and i we can't go like i couldn't go take a gig i can't go publish a book with another publisher because i signed a contract that's right that's right i think common sense has to rule the day and i don't believe that companies own people. Yes.

And that irritates me. So let me be clear on this. Yeah. This pisses me off. It makes me mad. Okay, I'm with you. Okay, same team. The way she worded it, if she worded it properly, it doesn't even make sense.

We can't do that kind of work, bookkeeping and payroll work, outside the office for ourselves because they say it would take away from other employees. What are you talking about? Here's what that means. That makes no sense. She is capped on how many clients she can get during the workday. So she goes and gets her other clients.

And what the business is saying is, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you can go get other clients, you need to send them to us so we can give them to these other people. Oh, yeah. No. All clients are our clients.

Yeah. You know what that's called? Monopoly thinking. Do you know what the federal government thinks about monopolies? break them up that's right and by the way i agree yeah so this is nonsensical yeah this is again i don't want to go on a rant it's just bad leadership policies shouldn't be laws yes so let me give you a good example um i was having something delivered irritates me and to my house and i live out in the country on a long gravel driveway and they said hey we can't deliver to your house and i said okay great um can you bring to the office and they said well

the policy is we're not allowed to deviate from the delivery the final destination we wrote it in a contract i said what's the option then it's like well you wait at the bottom and it's about a quarter mile driveway you wait at the bottom between the hours of one and five and we'll drop it off i said so i have to sit out there in my truck for five hours and like um yeah they don't think through that i said can you just drop it off it's the policy i said can you just drop it at my house well we can't because that's the policy and I said so you've created a world where you can't deliver the thing that you told the yeah the the person and it got real quiet they said we'll call you back right right because there wasn't able we weren't able

to think outside the policy towards what makes sense to get this guy the thing he ordered right but let's keep going. Beautiful example. But not only is the policy nonsensical, it keeps common sense from happening to where the person on the phone should have went, all right, here's the deal. I'll just call Herb. When he comes back tomorrow, he'll drive up there. He's going to drop it in your truck at your office?

She or he, whoever's on the phone with you, doesn't even have the ability to solve the problem because of the policy. And that's up, Jocko talks about that. That's decentralized leadership, right? doesn't even have the ability to solve the problem because of the policy. And that's up, Jocko talks about that. That's decentralized leadership, right? That's only this person up here can make the decision and all of y'all run out and make my decision for me, which turns your entire organization into a bunch of admins

instead of a bunch of thinkers and leaders. This is how common sense becomes uncommon. And that's where we are in today's world because we are operating off of policies, not principles. Let me attack something you don't think I'm going to attack. This is going to be fun. You ready? Read an article today, James. I should have sent it to you, but here we go. The federal government, the amount of debt that each, the last two or three years, the Congressional Budget Office, the amount of debt that we are accumulating as a country is an absolute runaway freight train that is on fire. And that is policy thinking, not principle thinking. So I'm attacking everybody in D.C.

Sure. So that way everyone's offended and I don't get. But it's true. When policy is, well, we've got to do this piece of legislation here. We've got to put this pork barrel. We've got to give this money here, this money. And it's like, the House is on fire. Yeah.

We don't balance our budget. Can we all get out of the house? Well, we have to follow the exit plan. We've got to have a policy for this. Our policy says we've got to do this. And both parties, both parties, and this is fiscal here. I'm talking about our nation is so crazy in debt. It is, the dollar is in danger.

You're talking about, this is how nations crumble and i'm not trying to freak people out john i'm just saying it's wild we we got a fiscal problem yes this is a money show yes and all we talk about is well hold on we got to do it the right way we get to the policy yeah and so anyway i'm making a greater point to say oh shove the policy this lady needs to actually i'm gonna go back to the last part of it john here. This lady needs to actually, I'm going to go back to the last part of it. John, here's what I think. Tell me if I'm wrong. And I mean this. I don't think she talks to HR. I think she just goes and starts doing it. I think she just starts offering the services. If it gets back to him, she goes, your policy was restricting my ability to go earn money.

That's about as anti-American and anti-common sense as anything I've ever heard. Am I over the line? If there is a clear, what I don't want to do is cash in her integrity, right? I don't think that's an integrity issue. Civil disobedience is what I'm crying. Am I wrong? I feel like I'm making you a little uncomfortable. No, I like it. I'm thinking through Am I wrong? I don't think. I feel like I'm making you a little uncomfortable. No, I like it.

I'm thinking through it real fast because the music is coming up. I like the idea in principle. I think they would have a right to fire her if she violates the policy. That's fair. Fair. I won't fight that. Yeah. But I do think there has to be a group of people who say, hey, can we do the right thing

by people outside of the policy, please? I say go make the money. And if they give you a hard time, I think it was a Johnny Paycheck song. Take this job and shove it. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Kid Coleman.

Dr. John Deloney joins me. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225. the phone number. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Charlotte in Cleveland, Ohio. Charlotte, how can we help? Hi. It's an honor to talk to you guys. Oh, thank you. Well, it's our honor.

What's going on? So I'm having a good problem. So my husband just found out that he's going to be getting two substantial bonuses from his work. And I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with what to do. We don't currently have a financial advisor, but I just am terrified to make a mistake, but I also feel uncomfortable in that realm. It just seems like sometimes it feels kind of like the car salesman attitude. Yeah, you've seen too many movies, too many TV shows, and my guess is you haven't sat down with a real financial advisor and had a conversation with them where everything they said made sense and you felt like, oh, I can make a decision. Is that fair? Yeah, I go every two weeks to my local Charles Schwab to do my self 401k.

That's not what we're talking about. That's not what we're talking about. I'm talking about a real advisor, you know. Okay, so answer John's question. How much money is this yeah um so this year it's like 150 000 and next year it's gonna be like half a million dollars okay did you grow up with much no okay so in your mind and really will go all the way to your nervous system in your body other people it really will go all the way to your nervous system and your body, other people make that kind of money, not us.

Yeah, we've always, we've done the Dave thing. We've been grinders is what we call it. And we're not bad now. Like we're worth like probably like half a million now, but we've, we've really like worked and all of a sudden it it's just plopping our laps. It's awesome. And I don't know. It's amazing. Do you have any debt?

No, it's weird. No, we're five and six. Okay, so how much do you have left on the house? Probably about $250. Okay. So you've been listening to Dave for a long time, yes? Yeah, we got married at 22, and I am 29 now. So you tell me what you think Dave would say to you if he knew you were going to come into $650,000 over the next two years,

above and beyond your normal income, if I understood you correctly. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay, what would he say to do with that money? Pay the house off. All right. So there's one thing, right? So we knock the house out with this bonus money.

And who's doing Baby Step 4? Who's guiding you through Baby Step 4, 15% of your income to retirement? Who's doing that? You at Schwab on your own? Yeah, we've just been kind of doing it ourselves just because we can't. Okay. I can't figure out the whole fee thing. Well, see, that's the problem.

That's the problem. You shouldn't be figuring out how to do that. I don't want to figure out how to build a house. I want to hire a great contractor who's built lots of houses and has a great track record. So Charlotte, you've been around us enough to know what a smart investor pro is. These are men and women that have been vetted by our team. And in Cleveland, Ohio, there's probably more than a handful, a lot of them. And you can get to ramseysolutions.com and let's just pick five, okay, or three, and set up appointments with them. Have a meeting with them.

Look them in the eye. Do you like them? Was one a little bit weird? Was one a little aggressive? Was one really super amazing? Whatever. The idea is, and Dave has told people this for decades, you need to get someone that you feel like you've got a good connection with.

That's A. B, does a really good job of explaining all this stuff that you feel like you got a good connection with. That's A. B, does a really good job of explaining all this stuff that you're scratching your head on in the Schwab office. And you get to the point where you understand, okay, this is the difference between a Roth. This is the backdoor Roth. This is an IRA. This is what I'm gonna do with my 401k. And you get to understand all of it. And they explain it to you until you get to the point where you go, okay, I want to do that and I want to do that. And you know why. And you have the common sense. You've got a lot of discipline. You guys can figure this out, but that's what you need to do so that you have a plan beyond paying off the house. What are we going to do with this windfall

of income? When we look at baby step five, how much more will we need to put in there to the kids? We think that the nest egg is where it needs to be over the next X amount of years. The Smart Investor Pro is going to walk through that with you. And all of a sudden, you realize you're completely in control. And I think that's what you're scared of. Yeah, that makes sense. John? So you didn't like that answer.

Why didn't you like that answer? I just, I don't you like that answer i just i don't know i just i i'm like a pretty like plan like follow the plan kind of person and it just i don't know what to do like baby step seven is just so like wide open and it almost felt like something was taken away from me like the place i think you're a control freak i i well i think you've had to have control in your life to survive fair that's fair and so that same that same action that kept you alive all those years is going to choke the joy in life out of this amazing work you and your husband have put in to change your family tree. Yeah. And so there comes a

moment when you stop being gazelle intense, when you stop running for your life and then you start building something amazing. And listen, you're going to have to practice that because you've never done it before. What does that mean? You have to look in the mirror and go, we're going to have a paid off house and both of our kids' college funded fully. And we're going to have a couple hundred thousand dollars left over. And let's go to a really nice dinner, right? You're going to be able to do some things. And you're going to realize it didn't just solve your marriage.

It didn't just fix everything. This is going to be a slow walk into a new kind of life. I'll tell you the things that have transformed my life. And these are conversations offline with Dave, just private. He's a buddy of mine. And talking about coming from a East Tennessee kid without a lot. And he said, dude, I still to this day have to look at the ratios because the numbers are crazy. So I have to look at the ratios. Yes, this car that I can now afford with cash a thousand times over costs this much. What is it in relationship to how much I gave?

What is it relationship to my salary? So somebody old you may have said $50,000 for a car. Are you crazy? New you might say $50,000 is like me buying a $10,000 car five years ago. We're good. And we also increased our giving that much too. See what I'm saying?

You're going to have to practice this new identity. And it's okay. Yeah, we definitely want to give. And I think it is like the whole lifestyle piece. We live very frugally. Keep living frugally, but do something do something fun yeah go on a trip with someone man right you have to get out of your head that only they are successful because now they is you yeah you're successful too and you used to have some judgments about they and now you're

gonna have to let some of that go because you know that y'all are a pretty good couple, pretty amazing people. Yeah, grinders. You know those little buckets that we had at Ramsey for a while for the kids? I don't know what the latest product is, but it's a give, like a little container. Give, save, spend. So what you do with this money is very simple.

Give some, save a bunch, spend some. Ta-da! Okay. You get that. Okay, yeah. You get to decide because you're debt-free. Give, save, spend. And yes, you've been holding onto the rope for your whole life.

You're 29. You're about to be 30, and you're about to be a millionaire. And then you realize the rope runs out. Right? So you're going to have to practice that unsteady feeling for a while. It should feel weird for a while. That's all right. You're a millionaire.

You know what may be fun, John? And I don't know if this, tell me if this makes sense psychologically. It's almost like she should pick something to give to first. Yep. Get her out of the, before she even thinks about her and her husband and saving and spending, just go bless somebody. Blow their mind with some of this. Go take care of somebody that you don't know that well or somebody that's kind of on the

periphery. Ask your pastor if they know of a family. Go give. And also, put one nice thing out there that you're going to go get. Oh, yeah. It's time for my husband to get a car that actually works. Yeah. Right?

It's time for me to get a new washing machine that doesn't leak all over, like whatever the thing is. Put those things on paper and then call yourself a SmartVestor Pro. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash SmartVestor and they'll get you hooked up, they'll teach you, and they'll get you squared away. Charlotte, congratulations. You guys have lived like no one else and now you're about ready to live and give like no one else. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman.

Dr. John Deloney joins me. The phone number is 888-825-5225, and we're going to take your calls. But we're going to do something a little bit different. This is fun. I want you to talk about it, John. I don't know how long ago it was now because time is like the older I get. I don't know if it was yesterday or three years ago, but you came up with a great idea to take on this loneliness

and disconnected society that we have, and you came up with a great idea that became a runaway hit, and now it's got 73 editions. It's got 195 editions. Oh, see, it keeps going. And this is really cool. And so we're going to play off of this. But I want you to just give us 30 seconds on what it is.

And then we're going to do something we've never done on the show before. The short of it is, I was talking to a buddy of mine, asking him what people were struggling with out in the real world, because I was working in education. And he said, I've been listening to you for of mine, asking him what people were struggling with out in the real world, because I was working in education. And he said, I've been listening to you for a while, Deloney, me and my wife. We put all our screens away, all our phones and iPads. And now me and my daughters are just sitting in the living room staring at each other. And I was like, well, we'll talk to them.

And he goes, okay, I'll just talk to them. And then the light bulb went off. And I said, oh, you don't know how. Yeah. I need some prompts. It's a skill set, right? And so it, you don't know how. Yeah, you need some prompts. It's a skill set, right? And so it was as simple as, I'm going to give you some prompts, and the results, I'm getting credit, the halo credit,

of people actually talking again without phones, communicating with one another, having fun, laughing, crying, whatever. And it's the questions for humans, man. Questions for humans. So we're going to do a questions for humans segment here, andames is gonna surprise us yeah so james you're gonna i guess you take over we're just now you're hosting yeah so i picked a few that are kind of fun and light-hearted and then some that are a little more serious so oh boy we'll start with am i gonna cry i don't know all right the first decks that you did were like real you know like what's your

favorite poop joke and now they've gotten real real heartfelt and serious right i've had to grow up in this he's involved in this radio job so first question is for john uh yeah maybe john and then you can answer too so what is hands down the best book movie or show of last year oh of last year or this year like just the past year oh my goodness the um i don't know man what's the best book of last year i'm trying to think i'm trying to think i'm going through all three categories for what like what am i passionate about say it says book album and what book movie or show movie or show of the last year for you or it could be one that you you consumed last year it didn't have to come out last year yeah this is some great radio we're putting okay i'll jump in okay go for it for me it's the uh

yellowstone spinoff series 1883 and 1923 i i can't remember the last time well i can't last time i enjoyed a television show that much uh was friday night lights uh i thought those two shows fantastic loved them absolutely loved only murders in the building my wife and i got hooked on there it is one two three and we that show is a masterpiece there we go we unlocked him there there you go all right i like all those those are great all right this one is for you guys if you two had to to buy a plane ticket right now for a guy's trip together, where would you go? There's no way we'll ever come to consensus

because I think we're wildly different in our like – That's what makes it so fun. You got to pick. To me, okay, I'll say it's a tropical situation where there is pickleball, golf, spa, ocean, sand. That's me. Can I tell you where my heart went ken where i want to go to normandy i want you to walk me through it like if i could have ken walk me through like the history of these places i think every american should visit wow and i don't know anything about it

james has been with me in dc i got I got to experience Ken in D.C. and I got to tell you, Dormandy, that would be epic. That's really impressive. Boy, I feel really shallow after that exchange. That's cool. I'd get a tropical massage with you too. Caribbean pickleball versus D-Day. That's it. Well, two very different trips, but both

rewarding. There you go. Alright, what did you spend way too much money on in the last year oh oh easy pickleball paddle i went to a local lodge before a hunting trip and i said i need you to make sure i'm not uh cold and i said i'm giving you a blank check, dude. And he came back and we went to the register easily. The most expensive clothing purchase I've ever made in my life by a hundred mile. Suits, dress boots, everything. I'm picturing Jim Carrey's character in Dumb and Dumber when they finally make it to Colorado.

That's exactly right. I mean, dude, I've got hunting gear that I hope my son gets married in it because it's going to be way more expensive than any tux, but I overspent on that by a lot now see i spent more than just that i want to clarify my answer but you said overspent it's like there's a reasonable number for said item but there's some things i spent way more money on but i went i didn't overpay that was worth it oh i'm way overpaid inquiring minds want to know what kind of pickleball paddle uh julep yeah it was i don't know but zach over here wanted to know. And I bought Sitka, the greatest hunting gear on planet Earth.

I love it. All right. What are one or two of your New Year's resolutions this year? I don't do resolutions. I have a fundamental stance against them. I kid you not. Because all the data behind it, John probably knows even more about this than I do from the psychology side of things, but they just miserably fail. And so I read that about five or six years ago.

And so I have a plan. I have a year plan for myself and then my wife and I. And so it's not resolutions. They're just like, this is where we're trying to get to. We got some destinations. Are there any highlights of stuff that you want to share? I know that's personal. Highlights. Yeah, we want to do something really cool. I don't want to share it over the air, but there's a trip that we really, really want to do. And I know Stacy would not be comfortable with me describing that, but yeah.

Is it a pickleball trip? Yes. It's tropical massages. I will tell you that I will look for a pickleball court at said trip but yeah stuff like that financial goals so we said how much do we want to invest this year

what are we giving where that kind of stuff I don't get into the whole I'm going to do dry January and I'm the opposite I've got give us one the two big ones are number one and this is going to sound cheesy, James, and you're going to roll your eyes.

I'm being dead serious. Because you'll know, because you and I have worked together a lot. Very nervous. I want to be, come, more likable. And I would say delightful. I want people, when I walk into the room, people don't go, oh God. I want them to go hey I want everyone's disposition and I know that I come around with a heavy energy I'm always having

heavy conversations did you read this you know about dopamine and it wears people out and so this year I want to be a more joyful presence when I walk in a room that's number one I want to be delightful and number two I want to be on time it's been a tough January which goes toward the number one it helps with number one people aren't instantly mad when i walk in nine minutes late right it's good um there's an incredible woman out in the audience that we had a meeting with earlier and i was late to that meeting so there we go that's how good we're doing that's probably a good resolution i could add but you get my point i want bigger goals so that it requires a lot of inertia. Well, and so for me, to be more joyful, that means I got to pay attention to going to bed.

Those are good. I got to eat right. I got to quit eating so much junk food. I would say yours are legit. Yeah. To the point that I don't even, that's way heavier and bigger than a resolution. And that's what I like about it. Gosh, I want to binge press 200.

Yeah, I see what you're saying. Oh, resolutions to me, I hear it's always, I want to stop doing this. I like that yours was, I want to grow. I want to become. Yeah. The research says if you want to stop a thing, that's pretty limited. Because usually you want to stop a thing because you don't like you. And so you're stopping a thing out of dislike for yourself. It never works. If you want to become something new, now you're onto something. Yeah. You got time for more? Yeah. This one's maybe related, maybe not. So in what area of life do you think you'll need the most help

over the next 12 months? Ken could use some hygiene help. I'm just kidding. I'm going to need help on being on time. I'm going to need help on being a joyful presence. I'm going to have to practice this because it's not my natural disposition. I'm just kind of a – Yeah, do you have like a

like like some like principles or like help with that or you just like do you have something that's helping you become more likable or you're just kind of taking a stab at it uh yeah i've got a couple things it's it's a little too personal for the air but um but i do have asked a few people to just point it out just point it out when you're when i have heavy energy in a room yeah are you open to the youtube commenters helping you out nope yeah yeah youtubers all come on help out that'd be great um i i'll tell you i need help navigating this next season in the next year when my my oldest son goes away i'm not trying to bring us down i'm just saying that's new territory for me. And I know my heart's going to hurt really, really bad.

But it's natural and healthy, and it needs to happen. So anyway, I think I need to talk to some dudes who have been through that, and it'll be good. But I think that's going to be weird. That's going to be tough. Way to bring down a room, James. Thanks. That was my fault.

No, that was good, guys. That was excellent. This was great stuff. Thank you, Dr. John Deloney for that fabulous series you can get it at ramsaysclusions.com all 397 editions

of Conversations with Humans I'll see you next time.