The Ramsey Show - App - I Feel Trapped When Discussing Finances in My Marriage (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Dr. John Delony & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss:   Renting a car without a credit card, "I feel trapped discussing finances in my marriage", "Should I sell my house to start a business?" Top 10 Ramsey Pickup Lines. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods moving and storage studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm John Deloney, joined here my good friend, Jade Warshaw, and we are taking your calls on money, life, your marriage, what's going on in your workplace, whatever you got going on in your life, we got you. 888-825-5225.

It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Eric in Philadelphia where he was born and raised in the playgrounds where he spent most of his days. Let's see here. What's up, Eric? How we doing? Hi there, David. How are you? I'm John. I'm sitting in for Dave today, but I'm doing great. How are you?

Good to hear, John. I want to let you know I'm a big fan of your show. I like your show, and I've been following your advice. Long story short, I don't want to let you know I'm a big fan of your show. I like your show, and I've been following your advice. Long story short, I don't want to get into the full scenario. If we need to do that, then I'll need to sit with an advisor. But I'm low-income, and I filed for bankruptcy about three years ago, which I know you're against that, but it was the best thing that could happen to me

because I learned a financial lesson. I, as a result of being low income, do not want to own a car. I do not want to lease a car. That is completely off the table. And I received professional advice against doing that. And I'm fully agreeing with that. I also agree with Dave's advice about not bothering with credit cards because that's off the table. What I was advised to do was to rent a car from Enterprise when you need it because my insurer and my other advisors told me, you want to be the type of person that you want to use the car,

but when the car is done, you hand it over and say it's your problem now. You want to take the damage waiver out and everything. I normally advise against that, but in your case, I'm for it. However, as you know, for those car rental places, it contradicts Dave's advice, and you need a credit card to rent from them, and I don't want a credit card. Is there any tactic or way of advisement to get around it? Because I'm bankrupt, and it would cost me more for a credit card, obviously, to get the bankrupt card that I don't want to begin with, then it would be worth,

but it's more feasible to rent the car. What do I do? Because it contradicts what Dave tells me. Let me tell you this first. You've been through hell and back, haven't you? Yes, long story short. So what I want to tell you is just guy to guy, friend to friend now.

I'm glad you're back and you've been through it. And you've got more advice and people jawing at you and people coming after you. It's been a rough season. And I want you to know I'm grateful for your call. And I'm grateful for these boundaries you're putting in place in your life um there's gonna come I'm grateful that you've been able to take my call because I haven't been able to get through to the show and today I just decided randomly I'll try it luckily I got through I'm more grateful that you took the call well that's

that's awesome um so there's there's there's story short, I travel all over the country. I'm gone probably a week and a half, sometimes two weeks a month. I rent cars all over the nation, and I don't have a credit card. I use my debit card. I have a comment about that, but I'll let you continue. Okay. I do have on the debit card that I travel with, I do have space. And so I am fortunate that if they put a $300 hold or whatever, I'm okay with that.

I know not everybody's in that situation, okay? I want to go back before, and by the way, and I've also run into trouble. I was just telling Jade off air, we were talking about this, and I said, I one time was sitting at a car rental counter in Dallas, Texas, and I looked at the person working, and I said, can you please figure out a way that I can give you my money? I'm trying to pay you. And it was such a mess.

I ended up having to leave, and I had to go to another counter. They took my money right away and had me in a car within two minutes, and we were out the door. That said, I really want to challenge the wisdom. And again, you've got people working with you, and you and I have known each other for 90 seconds now. Right. with you and you you and i have known each other for 90 seconds now right i want to challenge the wisdom that you are taking a very expensive way to get yourself around yes and i'd only do it

occasionally that's the thing and when i want to go expensive i like to go luxury because it's only occasional eric are you still walking through the bankruptcy or is it complete? Like was it chapter seven? It's finalized. Chapter seven, it's finalized. Good. Done. It's gone.

And I'm proud of it. I wouldn't want to do it any other way. Okay. Basically, and I'm cash only. And so where are you at now with your income? I'm just low income. I'm in housing type situation. Okay. How much? Or if, you know, if you don't feel comfortable saying it, that's fine, but I'd like to be able to help

you as accurately as possible. How much, um, what do you need to know? I wanted to know what you're earning a month because I want to find out your debt is gone. You know, everything's been liquidated. I want to know what you're left with and kind of what your plan going forward is. Cause I agree with John renting cars is not sustainable. You're going to spend more on the long haul. You can get a cash car at some point, not today, but we want to get you on a plan that's going to be sustainable. And you keep referring to yourself as low income, as though it's an identity. It's not who you are. I want to disagree with that's not who you are, brother. That's where

you find yourself right now. That's not who you are. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Basically, I get 800 a month and my portion of rent is 300 and then housing's portion. And basically, the rest of the money goes on whatever else necessary, food, groceries, my transit card, things like that. It's basically gone by the time it makes there after the bills. Are you on disability? Are you unable to work? It's a long story, but yes, I don't want to get into that situation on the air. If you want to speak with me about it on a more or connect me with an advisor, I can get into that portion, but yes. We definitely want to do that. We definitely want to get you connected with somebody that can help you financially, and I'm going to have Austin pick up afterwards because there's a lot more to this.

And I agree, but it's time-constraining for the show. I'm trying to get right to the point without going on, on, on, on, on, on, on. I mean, this is the fact. What John said, you're going to run into an issue with that because when you do use a debit card, they're saying, hey, yeah, we'll do this, but you're a liability to us. So they're going to charge a lot more on your card. They're going to put those holds on there. If you're going from place to place, sometimes they'll even say like, you've got to show us your ticket. If you're flying somewhere, your ticket here and your ticket

returning, like they do put, they make it hard for people who honestly just want to pay cash for things. They do. And so in your situation where your income is so limited, I don't believe that this is the best possible thing for you long term. But in the short term, do know that you are going to run into those problems. And I know you mentioned you do like to do luxury when you do do it. It's not a season for luxury right now. I totally get that sentiment and that feeling.

That's just not the season you're in right now. And here's the thing, Jay. This is a choice I made. Kind of like if I've got a diet restriction, I'm always doing these weird diets. And I go to you and Sam's house for dinner. I'm not going to impose that on you guys. I get to make choices about what I mean because that's on me. Yeah.

So when I go to a rental car counter, I'm not mad at them. They're making my life hard, but I chose this no credit life. That's right, John. And so be it, man. I'm not going to lose sleep because y'all don't want my business, right?

I know that's right. Good point. All right. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. 888-825-5225. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer,

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All right, we got question of the day. Today's question comes from Rachel in Utah. Cool. My question is, how can I combine finances as a newly married couple? It's his second marriage. When your spouse has no budgeting discipline and has no limits to giving his children money frivolously. I have good credit and we discussed these things before marriage. I feel trapped. Ooh, John, I feel like there's some stuff beneath the surface here. I'll say it like this is a question you should have.

Not a question. Y'all discussed these things before marriage. My guy flipped the script. You never made any decisions before marriage and y'all didn't come up with any plans before marriage and you didn't have any ideas. You probably had a conversation over lunch like, hey, budgeting is a big deal. And yeah, sure. That's cool. And y'all never made one. Y'all never sat down and said, hey, well, what do we want our marriage to look like in 10 years? And what do we start to do? What do we have to start doing right now so that we can be there in 10 years? Yeah. Well, there's also this side to it where he's giving his children money frivolously.

And I want to know more about that because that's from his previous marriage. Maybe there's something there where he's like, this is all I can do to like. And maybe, maybe this is somebody that's never had kids and this money isn't frivolous at all. This is what it costs to raise kids. So who knows? Rachel, these are all questions you should have asked before you got married and you should have been super clear.

And here's the deal. You have married somebody with kids. Great. That's awesome. That means you have made a choice. You chose to be in some sort of relationship with his ex-wife forever. Forever. You have chosen to participate in the raising of two kids that are not biologically yours.

Forever. Those are just choices you made. And so don't go to war with those. You also chose to marry somebody who's super immature with money. You knew this before you said I do. You did. And so what you can do moving forward is one of two things. I would start with number one, which is to sit down and say, we are a few months in, we're a year into this

new marriage and I'm scared to death and I can't breathe. I can't breathe because I don't know how much money we have. I don't know where it's going. I want to own a home someday with you. I want to build a life. I want to be able to share in this adventure that we both signed up for. And the way money is leaking out our back door, it scares me to death and I can't move. Can you help me please? I don't feel safe. That's number one. By the way, that's making the entire issue not his fault, not he's got no discipline and he's just, that's about you and what you're feeling and what your body is trying to get your attention for. That's number one.

Number two, if he looks at you and says, listen, honey, I'm never going to not give my kids money ever, ever, ever. I'm not budgeting. Budgeting is stupid. Then I classify that. I think we often, when it comes to marital fidelity, we often get laser focused in on sex. And I think fidelity is a much bigger picture about how you treat the person you're married to. And so this is somebody who is choosing to not be in relationship with you.

And at some point you become unsafe and you're going to have to either create an account that is yours that you can begin to plan a budget for, you take yourself to counseling, or you're gonna have to either create an account that is yours that you can begin to plan a budget for you take yourself to counseling or you're gonna start deciding is this marriage safe overall because usually jade in situations like this there's something else going on it sounds like there is i honestly when i look at it my you know i try to see the the best in things john i always go to the dark you went to the dark side quick but i i'll i'll pull it back for us who were kind of like maybe it's not that bad i kind of feel like there might have just been a difference in vocabulary like the pictures and words yeah like what words mean what does frivolous mean what does budgeting mean you know what i mean and i think that sometimes

you have those conversations early on and you kind of just don't know what you don't know it's like oh yeah budgeting I grew up with that yeah yeah I budget and then it's like but like Dave Ramsey budgeting is different from you know what I mean the budgeting some of us grew up with so I think there could be just the lines are crossed um only she knows really what's going on but I think when you have those conversations and you approach it from instead of approaching it from i'm mad at you i'm angry with you but kind of from like i'm scared yeah i think that if you're a good guy and your woman is telling you she's scared if it doesn't disarm you like she should go right i'm not saying go to counseling there we go there we go okay john you're throwing bombs, bro.

You've got a great perspective. There's this, it's an old counseling adage that we speak in pictures, but we think in words and how often my wife and I like, hey, I'm going to be home late for dinner tonight. Great. Late for me. I know my calendar. I know that my last meeting and media hit is eight o'clock tonight exactly late for her is 5 15 yeah right yep and so she

had a picture of what late was i had a picture of what it was and we both used the word late but we missed each other and so maybe it maybe because you're a better person than me it is a matter of hey when we said you were going to give money your kids i didn't realize it was a thousand dollars i thought it was 50. And I think that, who knows? I'm looking at the words newly married. And that's kind of where my ring, ring, ring is going off. Because that first year, you don't know what you're doing.

Dude, I'm 20 years. I'm still what I'm doing. Okay. I had this thought the other day. Do we have time for this? I had this thought the other day. I was like, okay, a kid, when we raise our kids, they're in our home until they're 18 years old. And we're just teaching them

how to just be in the world, right? They don't know anything. And then after that, then you get married and you think that somehow in one year, in a couple months, you're gonna be good to go. And it's like, it took you 18 years to just learn how to exist in society without being a total jerk and now we have to be married combined with a whole other person and we think we're just gonna

just skate through it in like one two years and then like be pros at it well especially when if if our kids got married that your kids would have grown up in in the warshall house two wonderful parents my kids would have grown up in in the warshall house two wonderful parents my kids would have grown up in the deloney house one wonderful parent and me parents and they would have had very different understandings of how the world works and what relationships look like yes and so they've got to figure out how not to recreate what they saw mom and dad do yes good or bad but to create something new and magical for them yes right and that just takes time it takes time so i'm looking at this from rachel and i'm thinking okay you're newly married and there's there's more dynamics to this than it i don't want to say typical there's more dynamics

to this some people get married and it's just you and me for the first time ever never lived together and then some people get married it's like oh i'm bringing three kids into this is his second dance right so he's been there that's right so uh this is this is this is a lot here hopefully rachel out of all of the hundreds of millions of things that we just said you'll pull something out that is helpful to you but give yourself a little bit of grace counseling john i love me some counseling christian counseling any couples counseling put me on yeah that's that's i wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't i just earlier today after talking with my wife i said i'll call my counselor and she goes that's a good idea so yeah that was that was today i love it i love it that's so so good um what is

so let's say right let's say rachel's husband sits down and says all right i'm in let's do this budget thing okay where do they start you know here's, I'm in. Let's do this budget thing. Where do they start? You know, here's the thing. Once he says, let's do this budgeting thing, I think that's a great place to start. You find your budget, find something that's good. You know, here we kind of like to identify the personality types, like, is she a spender? Is he a saver? Because if you can kind of identify that early on, you're kind of going to know those points of contention ahead of time. And so them working that budget together is going to tell each other a lot about each other so it's like if they sit down maybe he says all right let's do this budget and they sit down and she immediately sees that he's like his eyes are like glazed over tuning out she can probably assume

okay he's not a nerd he's not he's he's, he's a free spirit. He might be more of a spending type. And if she's like, oh my gosh, I love these numbers. I just love filling in the line items. Then she's probably more of a nerd. She could be a saver or a spender, but doing the budget together tells you so much about each other and you both need each other. The spender needs somebody who's going to balance them. Who's a saver. You know, the free spirit needs somebody who's going to balance them who's a saver. You know, the free spirit needs somebody who's more of a nerd to keep them balanced. So it's a balancing act. It's a dance. But getting that budget together.

And of course, you know, John, I'm talking about the baby steps all day. Work those baby steps. There you go. All right. We'll be right back. 888-825-5225 on The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw, and we are taking your calls on your mental health,

your marriage, your relationships, your money, whatever's going on. 888-825-5225. And for real, taxes are the worst. They're so confusing. And if you buy what some tax services out there say, you might think you'll never get a grasp on taxes and you shouldn't even try. Everyone's telling you you're stupid. We think you're smarter than that here at Ramsey Solutions and you deserve the truth. So here's today's tax tip. Are you ready? Don't let fear of owing the IRS stop you from filing your taxes early. Tax bills aren't due until April 18th, even if you

file now. So filing early gives you time to make a plan and pulled money together. Now, if you can't pay it all by the deadline, send what you can, then set up a payment plan with the IRS online. They can charge interest and penalties, though, so pay it off as quickly as possible. And to avoid this situation again, take a fresh look at what you're paying the IRS during the year. You may need to have more money withheld from your paycheck or make quarterly payments if you have a small business. You have questions? Talk with a Ramsey-trusted pro, like one of our endorsed local providers or national partners. This is what I do because I don't know what I'm doing. They can walk you through your tax return and do the filing.

Or if you're comfortable filing online, check out Ramsey Smart Tax. Federal filing is just $19.95 right now, so there's no hidden fees. And, Jade, I'll tell you this. The last few years, I've done Ramsey Smart Tax. Federal filing is just $19.95 right now, so there's no hidden fees. And Jade, I'll tell you this. The last few years, I've done Ramsey Smart Tax. This year got more complicated, messy, so I called the Ramsey Trusted Pro. Yeah. All along the way, dude, they've made it so easy for me. Yeah. And it takes all the drama out of it, right? So go to ramseSolutions.com slash tax to learn more and file with confidence. That's RamseySolutions.com slash tax. Let's go to JT in the 505 out in Albuquerque. What's up, JT?

This is John and Jade. That's it. What's up, man? Thank you guys for taking my call. I appreciate it. Absolutely, my brother. What's up? So I'm in a situation which I'm very fortunate to be in, but I bought a foreclosure about five, six years ago, and I've redone everything from

the floors to the ceilings, put in running water and heat. It's security for my son and my wife and I. And there's a part of me that's wondering if I should sell it and kind of use the money to do other things like maybe start a business or go into something else besides property. Which I know is very secure, but at the same time, I don't feel like the opportunity that I want or she wants is here in New Mexico. And we're just kind of trying to figure out if we should sell this place or not. When you say security, are you saying secure like you've got your own home? Or do you have another house somewhere and this is just a project? No, this is my primary residence. Is it paid for? It is. Okay. and is it paid for? It is.

Okay. What's it worth? You know, I got it for 30 and I can probably sell for about one 50. And do you want to leave New Mexico? I think so. Between water security over the next 50 years and, you know,

trying to find opportunity. I just, I think it's time i'm sure my parents and her parents don't feel the same way but um because you guys have kids or one kid okay how old are you man i'm 28 28 so jt um there's a jade will walk you through the math part of this but let me man in a lot of ways I feel like I'm talking to myself

10 or 15 years ago I had created quite an anxious life for myself and for my family financially I was working way too much I owed too much I wanted a life that looked like x and y and z and every time i got close to it then i moved the finish line moved on me

right and then i started looking at i was in west texas so i was right down the road from you and i was looking at well what about this and this happens, and then in 25 years, this might happen, and the Ogallala is going to go dry. I started creating these catastrophes. And what happened in short order is my body started reacting to those catastrophes as though they were happening right now, even though they were all could-bes, might-bes, may-bes, even probably of the next 50 or 100 years. And what happened in my home at least,

and I'll just say this, in the home of thousands of other people I've worked with over the last decade, is people around me started feeling electric because I was hard to be around because I was always predicting the next bad thing and the next thing, what about this? What about this?

And then I'm working and then I'm trying to earn my worth and it just created a mess. I was very hard to be married to, not because I was a bad guy, but because I could never see the sun come up. And so here's what I want to tell you. I think you can sell this house and y'all can move to another place, but you're going to move to another place and you're going to have gone with you. And that same anxiety and that same stress and that same, I got to work, work, work. Cause it's all coming down. That guy's going with you, man. And it wasn't until I completely unhooked from all the nonsense and went and got myself some help and went and got myself around some people that I knew loved me. Some other men in my life that were my friends that I could just go spend.

Like it took me years to heal. And now I really believe with all my heart I could pretty much move wherever because I've got to build a non-anxious life for me and my family. Is that ringing a bell? Tell me I'm crazy. No, that's hitting home pretty hard. Okay. All right.

All right. So, dude, I i mean i would not you are one of the few people in the history of the world to have a paid for home i don't think that i jay tell me if i'm crazy i would not risk my my family's primary home on something that might happen in 50 years and i'm going to start a business that's going to be my exit strategy. It just sounded like you were not clear on what the path forward was. And so I don't want to run from something. If I'm running, I want to know exactly what I'm running to. And I want to have a very clear plan that's thought out, that is not based on fear, that's not based on a series of what what ifs do you know what i'm saying

i want to make sure that it's something that is worthwhile yeah and that's just i know john is hitting the mental health side of it that i mean that's a financial side of it is what's the plan we're not going to just go oh let's our house. It would be cool if we could start some kind of a business. Does that make sense? And maybe there's more legs to it that you didn't explain here on the air,

but it kind of felt haphazard. Am I wrong? You know, it is. I mean, I don't have like a specific plan yet, but I got things I'm trying to weigh out. So.

Yeah. So let's wait. Yeah. You've got a body that's electric my brother this sense that i've got to keep moving if i stop moving it's going to catch me whatever it is and hey one of my best friends in the world is a water law professor i know how bad it is it's it doesn't look good like i'll be honest like i'm with you and is selling my family's primary home

right now with a young kid. Is this the path out? Or it sounds like a desperate, scary, I'm just going to start sprinting and hopefully I get to somewhere wherever I'm going. Yeah, I'd say that sounds pretty accurate. It does sound kind of foolish when you put it that way. What's your wife saying? I'm just curious. What's your wife saying about this, JT?

You know, she's kind of down for whatever. She's ready to leave, but, you know, again, it's paid off, so we have the security, but there's lack of opportunity. So, you know, we just kind of keep ping-ponging back and forth and really kind of getting nowhere, it feels like. JT, you just said it man when somebody tells me that their wife is quote unquote down for whatever you know what that means she's tired of fighting you she's hanging on damn that hit home too okay come on john so listen listen listen hey i i want you to hang on the line i'm going to send you a copy of Own Your Past, Change Your Future.

It's my book. I want you to read it. I'm going to send you Redefining Anxiety, too. I'm going to send you both those books. And tonight, I want you to take your wife out for Valentine's dinner and say, Honey, for the first time, before we make any plans, we start running things and selling things, I'm going to go talk to a counselor for the first time. And I'm going to commit to get myself well and stable. And then we're going to start making some long-term plans together, but I'm in this for the long haul with you and I love you.

And I'm going to get myself well. Start there, my brother. I'm proud of you. Thank you for the call. We'll be right back on the Ramsey show. It's Valentine's Day. it's valentine's day cue the sappy love song no dude cue the big bags of gummy candy man gummy candy not chocolate come on john i have eaten my body weight in gummy candies today somebody brought in some gummy heart things and i'm not gonna go to the bathroom for like three weeks. I've got a lot of gummy candy in my body. Okay, listen. We've got Valentine's Day pickup lines,

and hey, I didn't know we have all these Ramsey dating groups, so we'll tell you all about them. Our very own Chris Russell and Will Smith came up with the top 10 Ramsey pickup lines. Not the Will Smith. Not the Will Smith. We have the top 10 Ramsey pickup lines not the Will Smith not the Will Smith we have our own we have our own we have Will Smith 3.0 he's awesome dude's awesome all right uh you go first all right why are you gonna make me say this one first the first pickup line is this you're finer than the print on George Campbell's podcast. Oh, gross. That's insider.

It is insider. All right. You're so hot, my debt snowball is melting. Ooh, love it. Love that one. If that... If Sam Warshaw said that to me, I'm closing the door. And he's going to be on the other side of it.

That's all I'm saying. I'm slamming the door in his face oh man all right if i had a dollar for every time i thought of you i'd be a baby steps millionaire girl gross gross come through good thing i just got term life insurance because when i saw you my heart stopped who Oh, Lord. These two guys work at our. Oh, my gosh. All right. Oh, okay.

When I saw you. Stop. When I saw you, my jaw dropped like the value of a new car. We know that 60%. All right. I'm in on that one. I like that one. I like that one. Okay.

I'm making my will and I want, I'm making my will and I want to list you as a beneficiary. I need your phone number. Dude, that's just creepy. That is kind of gross. That's just weird. All right.

Oh gosh. The good news. I'm debt free. The better news. I'm also date free. I don't know. I don't know about that. That's a head scratcher. No, I'm in for that. I'm in free. The better news. I'm also date free. I don't know. I don't know about that. That's a head scratcher.

No, I'm in for that. I'm in for that. I'm date free. What does that mean? You don't, what is it? I don't know.

I don't know. Okay. Sorry guys. Yeah. It's more something you would tell your buddy. I don't have a date. I don't have a date. I've got money,

but I ain't got a girl. Okay. Okay. Is, is, what's up ladies? Is your name, uh, Fannie Mae? I've got money, but I ain't got a girl. Okay. What's up, ladies? Is your name Fannie Mae?

Because you've got my interest. Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay. Wow. Okay. I'm falling for you faster than the price of Bitcoin. I like that one.

Oh yeah. That's salty though. I'm into that. That's a little salty as well. And now I think officially across the country, we only have seven people still listening to this show. They've moved on to other programming. For you seven who are left, I got you.

The final Ramsey pickup line. It's tax season. Want to file jointly? We could save hundreds. We could save dozens of dollars together. All right, hey, so there's a Ramsey dating groups. Singles, divorcees struggling to find people to date who are like-minded when it comes to money and finances. People are posting to Ramsey Baby Steps Millionaire's

Facebook group for advice. Group members pointed people to different Dave Ramsey online dating groups. People looking for connection on their financial and love journey. I'm not mad at that. No, dude, I'm all in. I'm all in. Yeah, I think if you're dating, look, when I was dating, I didn't know about money the way I know about now.

But yeah, you want to marry somebody. I mean, we talk about it all the time who's on the same page as you or that you're going in the same direction and you have the same values surrounding money and how you spend it. So that's good. I can't think of something that was further from my mind when I was dating. So I wish I had that much foresight. Look, I can't say that I like one at life with this because you know y'all know how

much debt we came in with and let me just tell you can I just say this real quick when Sam and I were dating not like engaged we didn't talk about money at all I just I didn't think I did notice a couple of things like I noticed like he put gas on a credit card once and I was like oh that's interesting not that I was smart with money I just noticed that then when we got married was the first time we really talked about it and when he told me how much student loan debt he had oh lord y'all thank god Sam Warshaw is good looking this man is a snack but his debt when it came in I was like okay okay and then we paid it off but do talk about these things the number of times my wife said god help you i'm so glad you're good looking that's exactly right there okay look it does help

you can't be out here uh looking like a catcher's mitt you know coming through coming through with three hundred thousand dollars of debt too you gotta have one or the other all right so dave ramsay online dating a couple thousand members. Dave Ramsey Dating Group. And by the way, this isn't for dating Dave. He is spoken for. This is people who are like-minded who are following Baby Steps. Oh, yeah, because y'all don't want to fight with Sharon Ramsey. Dave, I wouldn't.

Dave Ramsey Christian Dating. Bless this hot mess. With several hundred members. Dave Ramsey's Baby Steppers Dating Page. Okay. And here are some questions to ponder. Jade, let's rapid fire these. What do you think?

When should you start talking about money with someone you're dating? If you think you might get engaged soon. You don't think before that? Okay. Now you're making me... I thought this was rapid fire okay i will change like matrix rapid fire it's coming up i will now stop and think and not be rapid i i think that when you start seeing

okay there's like the basic things that i like about this person let's take it the next layer deep because at first it's like all right they're kind they've got and they're integral like it's those base level stuff they've got to character now let's take it a step deeper and i'm observing now you're just commenting on actions behaviors you're seeing yeah i'm observing oh they paid gas for they pay for their gas with a credit card interesting or like you keep um uh you didn't tip well yeah that's a big one. You're stingy? Or you keep not taking me to a restaurant. You keep getting macaroni and cheese at home. No, we would have been finished.

We would have been done. The first offense. No three strikes on that one. When do you share your debt? When you're married. Okay. But you talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beforehand. But not, so when you're just dating or you get engaged or we're gonna start sharing our debt no when you're engaged i think if you both have debt start paying on it separately or if one side of it has debt i think it shows really good faith for them to be like hey i know i'm bringing this into the marriage especially if you've spoken about it i'm gonna start paying start paying it off now. Awesome. And then when you get together, you combine forces and you can't be stopped. Right.

When do you talk about what are your money goals? Are they aligned? I like this. Yes, I like this one less about... My wife and I have had this conversation recently and our SmartVestor pros

reached out to say, hey, we didn't have a, just a, just a catch up conversation. The market was bananas last year. And I don't think my wife and I have ever sat down and said, what are our money goals? I think we've sat down and said, what do we want our life to look like? What does security look like for us? What is, where do we want to live? What kind of home do we want to have for our kids to come home to? And it's been, so that particular phrase is not something that's spoken to us, but the idea that we're going to talk about where we want to go and how we're going to get there. I love that.

Is how we, so it's, I think the idea of what does life look like for you? What do you want this thing to look like when it's all said and done for you? Knowing that when you're 19, it's going to look different or you're 25, it this thing to look like when you're when it's all said and done for you knowing that when you're 19 yeah it's gonna look different or you're 25 it's gonna look different all right you're you're reading my mail on that because i i rarely just set goals yeah i'm a strictly based on values i'm like what do we value in our life and when it comes to money i think that's a phenomenal way to approach it do we value uh who maybe the wife values being able to stay home with the kids maybe and i think that when you do have those conversations approaching it from that there's so much more tied to it it's not just like

oh i want to have thirty thousand dollars like that's great like that's a a goal to check off on that list on that path toward that those values that you that you cherish but yeah i love that john that's if your money goal is not tied to values or not tied to a picture of how you want your life to be, I cannot emphasize this enough. You will have a million dollars net worth and you will be as hollow as an old rotted log. Absolutely. Or you can have half a million dollars.

You can have $100,000 and you're leaning into your values and goals and your life will be incredible. It'll be extraordinary, right? So tie those things to your goals. and you're leaning into your values and goals, and your life will be incredible. Absolutely. So tie those things to your goals. Valentine's Day, good folks, this is your last warning. Make sure you don't forget if you have forgotten. Take care of your loved ones.

This is the Ramsey Show, another hour in the books. We'll see you soon. hey what's up guys it's jade if you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the ramsey way just go to ramseysolutions.com today to sign up for our newsletter. Again, that's ramseysolutions.com to sign up for our weekly newsletter.