The Ramsey Show - App - I Found Out My Mom Was Cheating - What Do I Do? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. My co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show, Christy Wright, Ramsey personality. We're here to talk about your life and your money. It is a free call, and some say it's worth what you pay for it. Phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Max is with us in Canada. Hi, Max. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, Lowe. Can you hear me all right? Absolutely. What's up?

Not much. Thank you so much for having me on. Just one thing I wanted to say that I've listened to your show for about a year now, and you always say when someone asks you how you are, better than you deserve. That's something I say now, and I think that's a really good message you have. So I wanted to thank you for that first off. Thank you, sir. How can we help? So I will try and keep it as short as possible, but it's a little bit of a complicated story. It's not so much about finance, but more of my relationship with my parents and some stuff that's been going on.

So at the start of 2019, my parents told me that they were getting a divorce. And over the next year or so, I guess they started seeing some other people. And then this summer, so I'm at, like, university throughout the year. So I wasn't really there, like, for, like, last year, like, during, like, the school year. So anyways, my parents are now both seeing new people. And they're both, like, moved. Well, my dad's moved in with his new, like, stepmom. And I recently found out that my mom had an affair back in 2008. And as well, she was cheating on the guy that she's currently seeing with my dad before the divorce.

And that's kind of why the divorce ended up happening. And my dad told me this, but my mom doesn't know that I know this. And throughout the summer, I'm back from school throughout the summer months. And I was planning on splitting it about 50-50 between the two houses. We're only about a few blocks away we're in the same town um but whenever she has that guy over I can't really stand to kind of see him and my mom doesn't know that I know that she cheated on him I don't really know what to do because my dad has gone through like a lot through the whole like divorce process and my mom kind of like didn't really treat him too well and I want to kind of approach

my mom to kind of mend the relationship because now whenever I see her, I'm just kind of hurting and broken. And just like whenever I see her, I just think about all that and I can't really look at her the same. And I love my mom and I want to make the relationship better and I was wondering if you had some advice about how I could do that. That's so sad. It's really hard. I'm sorry.

Yeah, thank you. Ideas? You know, it's interesting. There's a weird dynamic when, in anything, I think your parents make choices different than you. And this is obviously an extreme that's, you know, really disappointing. But I think we have this weird experience as adult children of parents making decisions you don't agree with. Because you feel almost a little bit like well you you wouldn't have done that but also you're uh you know it's a reflection on you

because it's your family it's your parents uh my mom and dad both have certainly made choices that i don't agree with um and i think the thing that has helped me and i'm not a counselor um max but i'll tell you the thing that has helped me is just separating myself from that. Just saying that doesn't reflect me. That's not what I would do. I certainly don't agree with it, but my mom is a grown woman. My dad is a grown man and they can live their life how they want to. You can talk to them. You know, I think you can definitely, there's a, there's room for open, honest conversation about your hurts or whatever you're comfortable sharing with your mom in order to mend the relationship. You definitely, I mean, that harboring that, I don't know that that's going to be healthy

for y'all to be able to move forward. But I do think there's something important about separating yourself from that and not feeling like it's a reflection on you or your identity because of their choices. I don't know, Dave. I mean, what would you say? Yeah, it's just, it's a hard time for you. I'm sorry. I would recommend you, if you're not in a good church in your area,

that you find one and you get some pastors around you, some good strong men around you that are living life correctly that can help you walk through this and just walk beside you. Because this is just a difficult thing. There's not a simple it's not a simple formula for a broken heart and in a sense this knowledge uh if it's true if your dad's telling the truth um if it's true um it breaks your heart you know it makes you it was your but you know part of truthfully part of all of us getting to be grownups is we figure out that our appearance ain't perfect.

And we move on from that. It's hard, though. I mean, that's a hard realization. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying it's easy. The other thing is, let's pretend it is true. Okay? And let's pretend that you sat down with your mom and said, hey, dad told me this, and this just gags me.

This just grosses me out. And I just got to say that out loud. I don't know that you can, you know, no matter what her response, it doesn't become less true. It did happen. Yeah. And so there's not anything that you can say or she can say that's going to make it not have happened, assuming it's true, okay?

And I don't know if it is or not i think your dad's completely out of line and malicious if he had asked me should he tell you this i would have said no it's none of his business to tell you this right it was her business to share what happened was my sister had found some information on her phone and then i'd look through it and then that kind of confirmed that and then i asked my dad about it afterwards oh okay no that's that's a little better on your dad that told me yeah well why didn't you ask your mother uh because i just didn't really want to go directly to her i wanted to go to my dad i don't know why i did that but yeah at the same time say i want to talk to her about it and i want to be you can tell her but and i think i think you probably don't

need to be staying there You need some physical distance. And then you just say, you know, there's parts of my mom that she's always going to be my mom and I love her. And there's parts of the stuff that she's done that I don't love. And I love her anyway, you know. And and, you know, because the truth is, it doesn't really affect you, except to the extent that you want it to. It hurts your feelings. It makes you mad. It disappoints you.

But in terms of does the situation actually affect you, no. You're now a grown man. You're in college, and you're out of your parents' house, and they're both running off in different directions. And so you're just going to love them where they are is what I would say. But I think you need to get a good pastor in your corner that will walk with you and guide you on this. I'm, Christy and I are neither one counselors. Dr. John Deloney is not here today, so, you know, we're filling in for him, I guess. But, you know, those are just, I guess, life things from people. We coach people on life all the time about all kinds of different things.

So that's just some ideas. But I think John would probably say the first thing you need to do is just stop and grieve the fact that your illusion, illusionary picture of the perfection of your parents is now shattered. Both of them. Neither one of them are perfect, it turns out. And, you know, what was wrong in the marriage that, you know, your dad didn't deal with that put your mom in a position she felt like she needed to do that. You know, it's not saying she's a victim, but obviously the marriage is not healthy for a lot of reasons. I think two things can be true, too. You can grieve that that happened and your parents aren't perfect,

and you can acknowledge that it doesn't affect you. I think both can be true. You know what I mean? And you can accept somebody for where they are. I filed bankruptcy when I was 28 years old. I can't undo that, no matter how much it disappoints my kid. I can't stop that from having happened. It happened. I did do that.

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It's your choice. If you want a free trial for Ramsey Plus, text the word trial to 33 789 that's trial to 33 789 rochelle is with us in montana hi rochelle how are you good how are you better than i deserve what's up um okay first of all i just love your show and um you guys have definitely gotten me through the last four months, and I just want to thank you for everything you do. Well, we're honored. How can we help today? So when this whole thing started, my business exploded, increased by 500%,

and I'm in the floral industry. And even though weddings have been affected I have a huge retail side since people aren't meeting each other my people are sending flowers and so I've just been basically drinking through a fire hose wow wow that's awesome yeah I never would have thought that that is so cool yeah so um with that I was able to pay off $6,000 in credit cards, pay cash for a new car, and set up my emergency fund. And so all I have left are my student loans, and I have $100,000 in student loans. So I'm at the point right now where I'm super busy with my business, and I can't manage it all. I can't answer all the emails and bribes that are trying to reschedule for next year and people wanting to send flowers and ordering and all that stuff.

And so I want to hire someone to help me out with that stuff. But because I have this giant student loan, I don't know where I should be putting my energy at. Should I be looking to hire someone to help me so that I could grow my business, so that I could pay off my student loans? Yes, because if you hire someone, it would not cause you to make less. It would cause you to make more. And you can pay them off faster.

Okay. You're looking at it just as an expense, Rochelle. You're saying I'm taking on an expense of a team member, but that team member should and will make you more than they cost you and allow you to expand and help more people and make more money overall so let's pretend you pay this person twenty thousand dollars a year i'll just make up a number then you should make as a result of them being there forty thousand more right and if you can't then they're an expense but most payroll items i've got almost a thousand of them here i make more on them than they cost me is why i hire them that's standard employment

procedure right and so you should this person should cause you to be able to make more than they cost more than they cut the person you're bringing in costs. And that's on you too, Rochelle. So that is before you hire them, you come up with a job description or key results area, KRA like we call it here. You know exactly what they're going to do for you and the results you hope to gain from their performance that allows you to experience the experience that business growth

and you then you measure their performance against it and it's not going to be perfect the first month but it gives you this definition of success for them and for you you have the peace of mind knowing I'm going to pay them $20,000 a year they're going to make me 40 because you see how this is going to lead to that result it also knows what they're working towards hey this is this is what's expected of me this is defining what winning looks like. When I do this, I'm winning. When I don't, I'm not. You're all on the same page in terms of what they're there to do. What a lot of small business owners make the mistake of doing is they wait till they're absolutely underwater. They don't have a plan. They're like, I just need help. Do you have a pulse? Please come in here and help me. And that person feels aimless. They

don't know what they're doing. The business owner doesn't know what they're doing. And then it does feel like an expense, even if they're helping, because there's no clear guardrails defining their lane, defining success. So I will say that before you hire them, make sure you define that. And then that will give you the peace of mind to know what they're there to do that is going to enable your growth that's going to lead to those numbers we're talking about. And using our example, there's two ways the person that you're paying $20,000 can make you $40,000. One is they actually personally increase production and sales by $40,000. In other words, it's actually $40,000 worth of flowers that they touch in a year more because they're there that you would not have been able to get to so they're producing 40 directly the other way they can make you 40 is

they do a bunch of crap you're having to do which allows you to go make an extra 40 like administrative tasks as an example the emails that stuff you were talking about the orders yeah paperwork managing the relationship with the brides or whatever all that other stuff i don't care which of these sets of tasks but that you hand to the first person you hire but you need to clearly define them like christy said and then figure out how that's going to cause you to make you make yourself more than this person costs you and then it's a no-brainer to do it. All right, up next is going to be Alex in New York. Hi, Alex.

How are you? Hi. How are you guys doing? Better than I deserve. How can we help? I have a little bit of a unique question for you. So I am 26 years old. I have about $190,000 saved up between like 401k and also cash. And this year,

I'm looking to purchase my first rental property, not within New York City, but in a town where my family lives. And it has something about like a 12 to 15% cash on cash return this year. But that would require approximately call it $45,000 put in terms of like a down payment, maintenance, et cetera, for the property. I've been dating a woman for about two years right now. And we're starting to get like incredibly serious when it comes to where we want to take our relationship. She has approximately $80,000 worth of debt and currently works as a preschool teacher making about $40,000 a year. I'm wondering, do you think it is wise for me to basically take on her debt if we decide to get married

over the next year as we're getting towards the stage where we decide to get married over the next year as we're getting towards the stage where we want to move towards engagement? And do you think that I should basically delay purchasing the property for the next two to three years in order to make sure that we, if we got married, could pay down her debt over the next two to three years? Well, it's not only wise, it's what's going to happen. If you marry her, you get all of her, dude. It's pretty simple.

I mean, even if you said, I'm not going to help you, your little preschool income is going to have to pay off all this, and you're going to spend the next 42 years of your life toiling through it while I go over here and invest in real estate, that crap ain't going to work, man. That's just not going to work. So it's not going to work relationally. It's not going't gonna work man that's just not gonna work so uh it's not gonna work relationally it's not gonna work financially it's not gonna work anything so if if if you're gonna marry this lady you better be ready to buy to check on when you come

home for the honeymoon for 80 grand and you're ready and that means you're going to lay your investment property because you fell in love good for you so this is basically shopping investment right now, holding off, just saving the cash for the next three years, putting it in something reasonably safe, knowing that the first thing I was doing to merge finances in two years is take care of the debts and then just move on with life. Yep, yep, yep, yep. You got it. You got it. You got it figured out, man.

And so now comes the question. Is she worth it? Are you worth it? Oh, I love this. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and I make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays.

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at ShadyRays.com with the promo code DAVE to get $20 off your first pair of Shady Rays. Caroline is in California. My screen says you're debt-free. Way to go, kiddo. Thank you very much. Well done. How much have you paid off Way to go, kiddo. Thank you very much. Well done. How much have you paid off?

$54,414. Good for you. Congratulations. How long did this take? It took me about two years. Good for you. And your range of income during that time? I made $100 one of the years and then $130.

Okay, cool. What do you do for a living? I am a television writer. Good for you. How old are you? I'm 28. All right. $54,000 and what kind of debt? It was $15,000 of it was a car and then the rest were student loans. Wow. So you're a 28-year-old single lady living in LA writing television scripts with $54,000 in debt hanging around your neck. Two years ago, you're 26. What woke you up? What was your wake up call? Well, I had listened to you a ton. My mom had introduced me to you and I sort of had the

mindset of like, if I just listen to you every day, it'll just go away. And I, you know, I was doing Dave-ish for a while while and then a friend of mine was going to school at vanderbilt in nashville and i told her oh this is perfect i'll come visit you and i'll plan to do my debt-free stream and she was like oh caroline it's only a two-year school and i was like uh game on time set i'm gonna pay this thing off by the time you're done with school. That's cool. You just set a goal. Way to go.

Just decided to do it. Just like that. Her graduation was like, and of course, I had a trip plan that I had to then cancel, but I'll come out another time. But I had a date in mind that I wanted to finish this. I love it. Well, come visit us when you do. I will.

We want to see you. Way to go. Well done. So you just needed something to say i got a a deadline that's right i needed a deadline i need some i needed a plane ticket booked that then i absolutely had to do it i thought that with my income because as a tv writer it's so varied and a show can get canceled at any moment so So you feel like, I never thought I could do your plan. And I actually called you about two years ago and asked you, I have this crazy job. Can I save up some money?

Can I do Baby Step 3 before 2? And you said, you know, yes. You have a cloud hanging above you at all times. Save up a bit of money and then attack the debt. And that was sort of also the push I needed to, once I had a little bit of money saved for when the show ended, I just went crazy at the debt. Wow. So did the show end? That show ended, but I'm on a new show now. Good for you. So you landed right on your feet then. Perfect. How's it feel now that you did this? It's amazing. It's truly, i went on a run right after i paid the last payment and i was like

running on it like just like wasn't even touching the ground you were flying yes i was flying that's right and then you know with this show i that i'm working on now i ended up getting another raise and i was like oh this is all my money i can keep this now that's awesome which is just an incredible feeling good for you good for you well done guy this is great i'm proud of you young lady way to go hero this is awesome very very cool what do you tell people the secret to getting out of debt is buy a plane ticket well i would also say something for me is that i am a comedy writer, so I like to keep things fun and positive. And this doesn't have to be a negative experience. I think it's really cool and admirable to take care of your money and to take control of your debt.

And, you know, they say write what you know. I was on a sitcom, and I was talking so much about paying off debt that I ended up writing a whole episode of television about a girl paying off her debt. And then I got paid for that, and that went to go pay off my debt. That's awesome. So it doesn't have to be a negative thing. You don't have to be a bummer about it. Yeah. Now I want my royalties out of that episode. You had to see that coming,

Caroline. You had to see that coming. I know, I know. It ended up getting cancelled but I was like, we have to get, you know, we have to pay to get the Dave Ramsey theme song. This girl would be listening to it every day in her car. That is so awesome. That is really cool. That's fun.

Can you tell what, are you allowed to tell what show you wrote for? I was writing on One Day at a Time, which is on Netflix. Okay. And yeah, and now I'm on a new Fox animation show, The Great North. You guys will all have to catch it in January. Okay. That's cool. We'll give it a look now because we have a personal interest.

Well done. Well done. Who were your biggest cheerleaders? My mom, absolutely, was a big cheerleader, and I have to thank my boyfriend for letting me say, well, you know what Dave says too many times for the past two years. So my mom and my boyfriend were really big cheerleaders of mine. Excellent. Excellent job.

So what's the first big thing you're going to do now that you're in control with your money? Oh, Lord. Book a plane ticket again. I'm coming out to Nashville. I've been dreaming of that trip for so long, book a plane ticket again when I can. I'm coming out to Nashville. I've been dreaming of that trip for so long, and I really can't wait to do it and to not have any debt when I do it. There you go.

I love it. That's amazing. Well done. Again, make plans to drop in out here at Franklin, just south of Nashville, where our studios and office are. We'd love to visit you, and you can come by and watch the show. We do it on the glass every day. So we'd love to meet you and you can come by watch the show we do it on the glass every day so we'd love to love to meet you congratulations well done caroline we got a copy of chris hogan's book for you everyday millionaires that is the next chapter for your story no pun intended for a writer but there you go good stuff all right caroline in California, $54,000 paid off in two years, making $100,000 to $130,000.

Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I'm debt-free! Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! That's how it's done. That's awesome.

I'll tell you what. When you are in an industry that is volatile, to say the least, I mean, you can get canceled at any time, lose your job. You're constantly looking over your shoulder. Yeah. And, you know, because the next, you don't know. And it's not in your control. Right. You could be the best writer in the world and the whole series still get canceled in this case.

But it changes the creativity, the palette for your creativity when you don't have this stuff hanging over your head. Yeah. Because there's this little tinge of desperation that's down inside of you that's gone. Yeah. It's just that peace. It really is this feeling of I'm going to be okay. If the show is canceled, I'm going to be okay. If you know this, this changes next week, next month, next year, I'm going to be okay because I've taken care of my finances. It's amazing the

difference of how you experience those life changes when your money's in order. And you don't have to stay in a toxic situation, right? You're not desperate. If you've got a situation where somebody's being a jerk, you can move on if you need to. Mike is with us in Louisiana. Hey, Mike, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. Thank you so much for all that you do. Your work's helped my family and I bring war to our self-imposed chaos. Well, thanks. How can we help? Well, we learned about financial peace through our life group a while back. And sometime around last June, we decided to get serious about pulling ourselves out of the crippling debt we had put ourselves in. Since that time, we've paid off over $40,000 in debt, $25,000 in credit cards, $7,000 in student loans, and another $7,000.

And I can't even remember what the other $7,000 was at this point. Good for you. That's awesome. Oh, that was the remainder of our car. So we own both of our cars. We own our house and we have a mortgage on a rental property as part of the question. I have a lot to get to, so I'm trying to be as fast as possible. What's your question before I run out of time?

Okay, perfect. So the question is, we are currently in a situation where we have $35,000 that we owe the IRS. We have $70,000 left in the life student loans, and we have this rental property that's not cash flowing, that we have about $9,000 left in the mortgage. It's worth about $130,000. I'm trying to figure out which of the three options should I take next. We'll have about $30,000 to put towards debt next month. Good. Pay off the IRS.

Pay off the IRS. Sell the rental property. So we should sell the rental property? Yeah, it's not cash flow. There's no fund here. Okay. Well, the other options, given their interest rates, would be to refi, but that's going to cost me probably $10,000 to do so.

You ain't got enough equity here to screw with this thing. There's no fun in this rental property. Rental property's fun when you've got big equity, therefore you make cash flow. And this isn't fun. I'd get rid of it. I would get rid of the IRS, and then you've got nothing left to do but attack your student loans and knock them out. And you're doing it, man. Congratulations. That's awesome.

Very proud of you. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. our scripture of the day ecclesiastes 9 10 if the iron is blunt and one does not sharpen the edge he must use more strength but wisdom helps one to succeed mother Mother Teresa said, be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. And Christy, Stephen Covey used to talk about, don't be a tree beater. The story of the lumberjack with the sharpened axe can cut down six trees before lunch. After lunch, he was only able to get down four trees. The next morning, he was only able to get down three trees because he never stopped and sharpened his axe. And when you do things to

get better in your life, you're sharpening your axe so that you can keep your productivity up and even increase it. Yeah, it's so hard to stop because we feel like I just need to do more. I just need to go faster. It's like just stopping, whether it's to rest, to listen to a podcast, read a book, go to a conference, to invest in yourself. It's amazing. The, the dividend, the rewards, the payoff is there. My friend, uh, Annie F Downs, she says I can do more in six days rested than seven days tired. And I've quoted that, and I cling to that of what does it look like to, whether it's to rest or invest in yourself, to be able to actually do more in the long term. It's hard.

Changes everything. Amy is with us in Minnesota. Hi, Amy. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for having me on. Sure. How can we help? So, so we are on baby sub six and we have an opportunity to purchase the business that my husband works at probably

in about two years here. Um, they are, it's a pretty expensive business. And so we, what we've been talking about doing is paying the owner his salary over eight years, and then that would pay the business off. But I'm not sure if that's something that you would advise. I'm kind of thinking not. Yeah. So what is the profit the business makes a year? It is about $1.6 million profit every year i believe so yeah okay and so

what is the owner's salary 66 000 for eight years is not 1.6 million his um his purchase price is $575,000 for the business. You can buy a business for $575,000 that has a net profit of $1.6 million. Why? How? Something's wrong. Yeah. I guess maybe I'm confused what you're asking. Yeah.

So he told us that the purchase price would be $575,000, and that's for the business with some blue sky. The business with what? I'm sorry, the business with what? With some blue sky or the additional. Okay, but the business has a gross revenue of 1.6, not a net profit. Yeah, the gross revenue yearly is about 1.6. Now, what is the net profit yeah the gross revenue yearly is about 1.6 now what is the net profit that i'm not sure we're kind of just because if you're spending 1.7 to get 1.6 this business has

a value of zero oh yeah we would spend well we would spend five no no no no no no no i'm talking about his expenses which you don't know what they are because you don't know what the net profit is. Oh, his expenses. Yeah, so his expenses are probably about $400,000. No, they're not. Okay. Which would mean he makes $800,000 profit,

and he's going to sell you the business for less than one year's profit. There's something wrong with that. Yeah, he wouldn't do it. numbers because the phrase blue sky means he's trying to get you to pay for what you might grow it to and i'm not paying him a dime for that okay his your blue sky is your blue sky you don't pay him for your blue sky that you create that you're going to want to create he's already had his storm and his blue sky, and he gets to get paid for what the net profit is. So you need to get your numbers together and figure out exactly what the business is profiting

because that's how it's valued, not what its gross revenues are. So it's something where the business is profiting and it makes sense. Yeah, I'm kind of guessing this business is making about $100 or $200 a year. Okay. That's my guess. And that would make a $575 price somewhat accurate. Okay. Okay.

And so then would paying him his salary yearly be reasonable, or is that still? No, if you're paying him $575, I want to get it out of the way. What I want to do is out of the way what i want to do is you get you and your husband your husband paid a salary him so he wanted him to pay himself a salary after the owner's gone that you guys can barely live on and i want all the rest of the profit committed to the former owner until he gets to 575 and so let000. And so let's pretend. Let's pretend the business makes $200,000. And what's your husband make now? He makes $90,000.

And the owner makes $66,000. Yes. He's commissioned. They're flat rate commissioned. So he makes, you know, as he turns more hours he makes more basically yeah you guys really need to learn about what's going on here there's so many squirrels in this cage what is the business um it's a body shop yeah there's so many squirrels in this cage i'm not sure if y'all know what's happening here i mean this is just there's so many things backwards that I can't tell you what to do.

But, okay, let's go back. Let's pretend that you get into this thing and you actually discover real numbers, not people making up crap. And this is the kind of a business that people make up crap in all the time. Okay, so real cash profit is $200,000. Your husband's currently making $90,000. Then I would cut your husband's income if I were you while you own the business down to about $60,000 or $50,000 or something like that. Y'all live on that and give this owner $150,000 or $120,000 a year until you get to $575,000, and that's going to take you about five years. I'm now not thinking this business is making that much,

and I'm now not thinking that this business is worth 575. I think you're overpaying for it possibly. So you really need to get in there and figure out what this thing is worth because I think I've got two old boys here working on cars and making sales, and I don't think anybody's doing accounting in this thing. Not anybody I've talked to anyway. So, all right. Heather is with us in Massachusetts. Hey, Heather, how are you?

Hi, Dave. Thanks so much for taking my call. I'm so excited to be talking to you guys right now. You too. How can Christina help? So, my husband and I have been following your plan i admittedly have to say we've been a little davish but we have paid off um about forty six thousand dollars and since we started and we're technically somewhere between baby step two and three we're we're trying to get out of two car leases right now. My problem is my husband, he's kind of on board. He's not

100% on board. He's not refuting your plan. He thinks he sees a success, but he just won't sit down and do an actual budget with me. And it's so frustrating because we're trying to make these upcoming decisions with getting out of our leases and talking about our financial goals. And, you know, the other day I said to him, I'm like, you know. Christy, how do you get him to sit down? Yeah, I mean, I said to him, what gave him. Christy. This is important to me.

If you look your husband in the eyes and you say hey look at me this is important to me and he still won't sit down that's you've said it before dave you don't have a finance problem you have a marriage problem if something is deeply important to you heather and your husband will not meet you there will not listen will not acknowledge will not engage but he hasn't he hasn't heard that you guys are just frenetic you're all running around in circles over chasing your tail you're doing remsey ish nobody's committed to anything and so you're just going hey we need to sit down to a budget well we are later right yeah and there's no sit down turn off the television turn off the screens put the kids in bed look deeply into his eyes and go this matters listen he hadn't heard that yet yeah and what's interesting too is sometimes i feel like

that if we can paint the picture of what we're hearing what we're seeing experiencing when they don't listen sometimes they get it more to say something like hey when you don't acknowledge this i feel like i'm not valued i feel like you don't see me yeah i feel like i'm not important to you that'll get their attention oh you are you are? Well, then sit down. Yeah, yeah. Then show it. This matters. This matters. This is a big deal to me. And you got to, but you have to turn off all the buzzing and dinging and the screaming. And then you can talk. That puts this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. Once again, you made The Dave Ramsey Show

one of the top four most popular podcasts last year. To get your daily dose of motivation and inspiration from the Ramsey Network, subscribe or follow today wherever you listen to podcasts.