The Ramsey Show - App - I Haven’t Been Open With My Wife About Our Finances (Hour 1)

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony discuss: What to do with a work bonus, Working together with your spouse on finances, Pausing investing to pay off debt. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, and host of the ever-popular Dr. John Deloney Show on Ramsey Networks, is my co-host today as we talk about your relationships, your boundaries, your mental health, your career, your job, and even your money. We talk about you right in front of you, right here on the Ramsey Show. The phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. We're going to start off this hour with New York City calling.

Wait a minute. I want to get this right. There it is. Kadidra is with us. Hey, Kadidra, how are you? Hi, I'm well. Thank you for having me. Sure.

What's up in your world? So I have a significant amount of student loan debt. It's around $67,000. I also have around $19,000, $20,000 in a personal loan repayment, as well as about $5,000 in credit card debt. I just received a $20,000 bonus from my job, and I want to know what makes the most sense. Do I apply it to the student loan or do I pay off the personal loan? What makes the most sense for me? That's a good question. Thank you for being a listener. We appreciate it. And a new listener

at that. So here's what we teach. And then the more important thing is why we teach it. All right. We want you to get out of debt as fast as you possibly can. And apparently you're moving that direction since you gave me all your debts and then said I've got some money. And the reason we want you to get out of debt as fast as you possibly can is that frees up your most powerful wealth building tool, which is your income. Okay. So we're in agreement. We want to get out of debt the fastest possible way. We also want to get out of debt in a way that causes us to actually finish the plan so this only works this suggestion of mine the

answer to your question only works if it's if it's not the only thing you do but it's part of the whole thing that you do as you plug into this whole ramsey ecosystem on money okay so within that ecosystem you're going to live like no one else so that later you can live and give like no one else. You're going to sell so much stuff the kids think they're next. You're going to live on nothing. You're not going out to eat. You're not going on a vacation.

You're going to pour every dollar at this debt with great intensity. Ah! And then you're going to get out of debt, okay? If you're going to do all of that, then this works. If you're going to screw around with it and ish it, it's not going to work. So I've got to give you that caveat to the advice. Now, in that context, what we teach people to do is list your debts, smallest to largest, pay minimum payments on everything with the smallest debt,

and attack the smallest debt, and then the next, and then the smallest debt and then the next and then the next and then the next that gives you a sense of traction a sense of power a sense of destiny that this is going to work it gives you hope and so i'm going to list your five thousand dollars worth of credit cards and i'm going to pay them off and then i'm going to pay the rest of it on the personal loan and as soon as i get that personal loan gone i don't have any credit card payments i don't have any personal loans then i'm going to attack the student loans with a vengeance because you're going to pay off all but 5 000 of the personal loans and you're going to cut up your stupid credit card so they don't grow back okay just making sense yes it's. Okay. There's a lot of recurring payments that I need to get rid of on my credit card so that I can do that.

Yeah, well, just move them over your debit card. Yeah. Or, you know, that's what I use. I use a debit card, and you've got to move them over. But chomp them up, get rid of them, and if you take $20,000 and apply it to $20,000 and $5,000, then that leaves only $5,000 on the personal loan. Did I do that math right? Yes. Okay. And you make how much?

$90? No, I make $160. Oh, great. Okay, so you're going to knock out that other $5,000 in like 20 minutes, right? Yes. Yeah, and then we're going to knock out the student loans in less than one year. And you're going to be free. How long have you had these student loans? Since 2015. and you're going to be free how long have you had these student loans since 2015 okay it's time for sally may to leave your life seven years is too long for her to be invading your space yes so john the power of paying off the smallest to largest that incremental progress that's actually psychology about that john has a phd psychology, so I can ask him about these things. Yeah. So do you, you're either overwhelmed or the joy is welling up inside you and you can't speak. Which one is it? I'm a little overwhelmed.

Okay. I'm a little nervous. So just to reiterate what Dave just said, by the end of today, you're going to have no credit card debt card debt you're gonna have five grand left on a family loan that with your income hopefully you can go to the bank and get that five grand and you're out of that one too and then after today because of one free phone call and because you're ready to knock this thing out then you just got to tackle the last big ugly hairy dog there and move your credit cut your credit cards up and get a debit card, right? And then you're ready to rock and roll. There's an intensity to this, though, and you feel that.

Is that what's a little overwhelming? Yes. I absolutely need to be rid of all that. Yeah. So here's what we have discovered, and this is for the benefit of all our listeners, but also for you. What we've discovered is personal finance is 80 behavior it's only 20 head knowledge you've been you're a smart lady i can tell by talking to you just how articulate you are you've been trying to fix this with your intellect and

it's not an intellectual problem it's a i get pissed off at sally may and i'm kicking the old woman out of my freaking house problem there's an emotion of visceral move to this and that is tied to the success of people who get out of debt you cannot fix a problem that you made emotionally with an intellectual fix you have to fix it with an emotional change and that applies to marital issues that applies to most mental health issues you can't think your way out of most of these problems you can get a plan cognitively but then you got to go do you got to go be different you got to act different right little by little by little yeah good that's a great call and that's for you know her call is for all of you out there. So here's the deal. They actually did a study at Northwestern University that studied the idea of paying off your was, Dave Ramsey's right.

And we're like, well, we kind of already knew that because we already taught 10 million people how to do this while you guys were doing that study up there in a vacuum. Dave, I've been at those tables where we're discussing data and everyone kind of hangs their head like, oh, man, we didn't expect these findings. I just imagined that table. They were going to show you. No, well, I don't know. I don't know whether they did. So great. If they did at least come out and publicly, they put it out.

Okay. And they literally did say, all this time, Ramsey's been right. Yeah. So I don't know whether they were trying to prove me right or prove me wrong, but it doesn't matter. We already knew we were right because we had more proof, social text than proof text than they had. So we already knew that we had more data than they would have ever seen with the number of people that have actually done this but that's the thing guys you've got to have a level of hope and you know your behaviors your impulse your lack of control your disorganization your immaturity your inability to delay pleasure these are all things that you got to fix it's

called growing up and when you do and you apply a that a behavior fix to getting out of debt you'll get out of debt but when you try to intellect your way out of a behavior problem you can't do it this is the ramsey show No matter what time of year it is, focusing on your family's financial plan is always a smart move. I get questions all the time about where to start and what to do first. One of the most crucial and affordable first steps to take is to protect your family and get term life insurance. I know it's not glamorous, but all the other steps mean a lot less if something happens to you and your family has no financial protection. Getting term life insurance needs to be a top priority. I recommend 10 to 12 times your income and lock in rates for 15 to 20 years.

This gives you plenty of time to get out of debt and build wealth. I've been recommending Zander Insurance for over 20 years, and they understand and live this strategy and will take the time to help you find the most affordable term life rates go to zander.com or call 800-356-4282 it's not that expensive it's not complicated and you need to do it now Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. John's brand new book is called Own Your Past, Change Your Future.

It is on presale right now for only $20. And John's got two PhDs, 20 years of counseling experience, packed it into an easy-to-understand book. This book's going to have a positive impact on everyone. Everyone should read this book. I've got to tell you, I personally um it's changed some of the language i'm using not only with you guys but inside my own head as well and that's just for me reading through the manuscript because it's got my name on the publishing and so i want to

know what the flip we were saying before we put it out there and it turns out you know it'll help like a 30 year old that's looking to sharpen their mind. This is not a thing you have to, like, this is a book for crazy people. It's not. It's a book for all of us have a little crazy, and we all could adjust it a little bit. That's right. All of us have some things we could polish up and just, you know, a little more peace, a little less anxiety. All of us could adjust the way we're looking at certain things. And you give a framework for doing that, and that's why I think this book's going to blow up.

Yeah, there's a lot of books out there that are scholars talking to scholars, and they're fine, and they're good, and they're important. And there's a lot of books out there on what I call way outside the bell curve for some significant mental illness for folks who are practitioners. There's almost nothing for folks who are just trying to live life better. Have a better conversation. That's right. With yourself. That's right. Have a better conversation with That's right. With yourself. That's right. Have a better conversation with your friends.

I mean. The people you love, right? And, you know, in our world today, we were talking about this before we went on the air. You know, the number of times that two people can just sit down and almost enjoy a good argument, just because we can have a good discussion, because we still love each other. We did before we started. Yes. And after we finish the argument, we still think you're wrong, but I still love you.

Of course. But everybody, you have to hate everybody and you have to chop off everything in our divisive world out there. It's like, well, you have a mask or you don't have a mask. And so I'm pissed at you for the rest of your life. You know, I mean, it's like people are losing their dadgum minds out there. Oh, they're gone, man. And so, you know, we need some new tools to control ourselves and also to interface with other people.

And just to walk it back, you know what I mean? We've laughed internally. Not laughed, but we've thought, really? We look at the number of conversation cards we've sold. Like, is that where we are? And the reality is, yep, that's where we are. We're starting over kind of like old school. You got to get a thousand bucks and let's just start there, right?

That's where we are when it comes to relationships and our mental health right now. And let's do it. And let's just stop pretending. Let's stop walking around the problem. Let's go right through the middle of it. Well, and to my knowledge, none of our leadership team or publishing team has significant mental health problems, to my knowledge, and every one of them were touched, including me, and informed and given new tools by reading this book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future. You know, we've taught God's and Grandma's ways of handling money for 30 years here at Ramsey,

and John's doing the same thing now, God's and Grandma's ways of doing relationships, doing mental health. It is a complex topic, but people that are smart can take a complex topic and make it simple. Around here we call it putting the cookies on a shelf where everyone can reach them. So preorder your copy today at RamseySolutions.com. It's $20. You're going to get the audio version of the book, the e-book version of the book,

and you're going to get one month of free weekly therapy sessions from the fine folks at better help who have come alongside that makes this $20 purchase an unbelievable deal so ramseysolutions.com and check it out the new book coming out in april get it pre-ordered now to get all the goodies own your past change your future our question of the goodies. Own your past. Change your future. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. Free samples. Free shipping.

With the two new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSY to get the best possible deal. Today's question comes from David in Oregon. David writes, I've been paying the bills but not doing a proper budget since my wife and I got married. I thought I could do it and we coasted up by for about 10 years. Then kids came, time flew by and we accumulated $30,000 in debt. I never made my spouse part of the process and held her off so she didn't have to feel the financial burden. She has a quote-unquote feeling that something isn't right when I won't let her see our finances, and she's right.

I recently read one of Dave's tweets. Look at you using Twitter to help people. I didn't know that was possible. It said, if you're in a committed relationship, you've got to play with all of your cards face up. How do we start over and do it right this time? This is a moment. This is one of those cool marriage moments. This is a really great question.

I love this question. So, Dave, in my life, and I've had several of these in my marriage over 20 years, it always starts with me saying, we need to have a discussion, and I need to invite you into some hard stuff that's going on in my heart and mind, my actions, whatever. And I start with, I'm sorry. I've been living this way and I haven't brought you along.

I've left you out. I've excluded you, whatever the thing is. And I want to invite you in to help make this right. And she's very right to feel betrayed she's very right her feelings are going to be her feelings but it starts with somebody turning the lights on turn the music off and saying I was wrong and I'm sorry let's start here you know and I gotta tell you though I mean I've walked couples through this and sometimes I played marriage counselor for five minutes in the middle of a coaching session on money in this and if he will just I got 99 percent of the time if if dude you got the perfect heart she's got the right heart actually both of you do for this to for this to be successful and so

I would just say look I have screwed this up I'm sorry the reason I screwed it up was it started off with I was just going to take care of it. I was going to man up so you didn't have to worry about it. And then it got out of control, and I was ashamed that I didn't do it right. And that caused me to even become more guarded of it. And I should have just brought the whole thing to you, and we should have worked on it together. And I really screwed up. But I screwed up because I was trying to be the man and carry this for you and that's

not the right way to be a man by the way and i was trying and then when it fell apart and i couldn't do it then i was ashamed of myself and i didn't want to didn't want to reveal to you that i had screwed up because i felt i felt stupid and so if he just says that which is what he said right but if he just says that to her she's said right but if he just says that to her she's going to be really forgiving oh man and this usually when i see a couple like this there's something underneath it which there's something about the way they communicate in this home that she doesn't like so if this is my wife she will not say hey i've got a feeling she will insert herself into this process, right?

So there's something about – Well, it could be that they've been married five years and you've been married 20. Well, they've been married 10 years. In the first five years, Sharon would have been this. Now Sharon would be like, what? It's going on. Very similar here. It's different now, yeah. After 40 years, we kind of cut through the bull.

Those one-hour conversations are six minutes. Six seconds, yeah. Not I have a feeling. It's like, ah, you're scheming and scamming. What the crap's going on? That's right. But something here is going to have to change in how they do, because this isn't just going to show up with money.

It's going to show up with kids. It's going to show up with everything. Let's come up with a new way of doing business, of loving each other. And here's the lesson that you get out of this, and you learn it through the money lens, and it will affect your whole marriage, to your point. And the lesson that you get out of it that's so beautiful is this, that everything you do is going to be better when you do it together.

Right. Instead of you trying to give her the gift of her not having to worry. Right. That is not a real gift. And every time you have a feeling, hey, something's not right, develop a language that y'all can ask each other that question it just does away with it right right away just goes away it's poof you deal with it and you move on oh and by the way this also tells us that your wife has really

really good intuition and so the next time she has a feeling about the car salesman but you think you want to buy the truck anyway you need to get off the lot because her feelings are probably pretty intuitive probably pretty accurate man it might be god speaking through her i've learned that the hard way yeah if sharon says sharon's southern so she says she it's a seven syllable word i got a bad feeling and if she gets a bad feeling and i go against it cost me 10 grand at least i just quit doing it i just don't go against those feelings they're expensive i've been wrong almost every single time i just i mean we have to get on the same page and i don't violate that i mean i'll question her i'm like was it last night's pizza i mean why are you having a feeling but

but she's like no no this guy i just think he's a bad guy i don't know what it is but i can't put my finger on it but i got a bad feeling oh geez we're getting away from that just think he's a bad guy. I don't know what it is, but I can't put my finger on it, but I got a bad feeling. Oh, geez. We're getting away from that guy. Oh, he's pink. ASAP. Going to find out later what happened with him. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions

on the debt-free stage. Stephen and Melissa are with us. Hey, guys. How are you? Doing well. Pretty good, Dave. How are you? Good to have you guys.

Where do you all live? Eaton, Ohio. Eaton, Ohio. Where is Eaton? Just outside Dayton. Oh, okay. I can do that. I know where Dayton is.

All right. Good. Good to have you guys. Welcome to Nashville. How much debt have you paid off? $55,000. All right. Way to go. How long did this you paid off? $55,000. All right. Way to go.

How long did this take? Seven months. That's quick. Y'all got after it. And your range of income during that time? $140,000. Cool. What do y'all do for a living?

I'm a CNC machinist. And I'm a financial analyst. Cool. What's a CNC machine? I know CNC Music Factory. I don't know CNC machinist. What's that? It's basically instead of a manual

machining uh basically computer programs and we're cutting parts company i work for actually cuts uh silicon parts that go in the process of making computer chips oh wow good make more make more we're trying very busy year okay so yeah really catch up catch up all right cool man very cool what kind of debt was the 55,000 it was our mortgage oh you had a tiny little mortgage yeah yeah we had a large down payment a large down payment and what's this house worth uh about 175 yeah how old are you two i'm 31 and i'm 29 and you have a paid for house y'all are so weird! Wow. Weird people! It's the least weirdest thing about us. I like it.

Way to go, you guys. How fun. So what in the world? Who sets up themselves to put that kind of down payment and be 100% debt-free house and everything by the time you're freaking 30 years old? Where does all of this come from? How do you learn this? Where's your story of ramsey what in the world uh well i've listened to you for about 10 years now and i never had any consumer debt um i'd gone to a couple of your

live events and when me and steven started dating a few years ago i was trying to get him to come aboard which he did he paid off his car and agreed we would never get another car loan and all kinds of things like that. So we were pretty much wanting to pay cash for a house. And I'll let you finish. Well, she was working multiple jobs. I was working my job. Plus, we both were doing Instacart and pretty much all our free time that we were allowed to. And we were going to cash flow it and we were surprised a little early about our daughter arriving you know sooner than expected so we decided we found a house beforehand that we you know fell in love with we'd go ahead and

get a small mortgage with the gold painted off within a year which you know seven months later ding ding ding yeah so how old is your little baby 10 months oh so you move in three months before yeah you bought the house three months before the baby came yeah whoa you're brave and you're brave moving a pregnant woman into a new house dude that's my show i would have said hold off man well done wow and we found a house that we love so it worked out perfectly yeah and you had a plan to go ahead and knock it out yeah that's pretty cool yep so i mean so you say you grew up listening and then you converted him when y'all got married yeah so uh who were your biggest cheerleaders people outside of y'all looking at like you like you've lost your minds uh we're pretty private people so not too many people

know about it honestly um but we definitely try to like preach debt-free living to anybody who will listen. And our families, I'm sure, are proud of us. We think they are. We think so. So I'm just imagining at the machine shop, you make a good living, you work hard. There's some dudes with some big trucks and some jacked-up Jeeps. And every parking lot's got the guy with a Tesla now. And then you're rolling in and you're just dumping all your money into the house yeah how do you know people

has uh for tourists yeah see you're the guy with the tourists right I used to have with the paid for house right yeah so how do you deal with the guys just giving it to you all the time I just stay focused I mean we're on our own little journey you know it's not about what they have or what we can have you know with debts what we can afford what we can live with so i know you make silicone chips if you can bottle what you just said and sell it you will be a trillionaire okay good for you man man yeah this idea that it's like none of their business i don't care it's just me and her i'm just i'm getting out of debt and whatever they want to do is okay it's just dude i'm telling you man one of the they want to do is okay. I'm telling you, man.

One of the keys to becoming wealthy is you quit caring what other people think. I'm just saying. One of the keys to winning earth is what you just said. So good for you, man. Wow. Way to go, you guys. Absolutely incredible. So what is the key to staying?

You guys are like preventative medicine, mainly. You almost are completely stayed out of debt and getting out of debt. What's the big key? Definitely staying focused on your, you know, your joint goal. I wouldn't, we wouldn't have been able to do it if the other person wasn't on board. Definitely making sure that you're in alignment with each other and you have the same goals and the same passion to live you know your life later on um you know without debt and again like he said with contentment with what we have so you

had rent before yeah and now you have no payments in the world exactly have you got that one check yet when you don't owe anybody anything and you just stare at your own money yeah we paid it off in september so we've been living that way a little while how does that feel yeah it feels great it's nice yeah it's been great to go on vacation and not really worry you know we have a budget of course but um not really being concerned you can kind of do anything you want to do yeah i mean life is pretty good how did y'all grow up with money i was terrible with money you know, I've worked this job for over 12 years, but it was just paycheck to paycheck, spend all I can, take a lot of vacations or, you know, go to a casino, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up with, I forget the way Rachel phrases it, but money was not a

hot topic. It wasn't a good, a good thing to really bring up so uh that's probably why i'm so um you know i want to make sure that we're secure and our future children and our our daughter is so it was not it was if it was brought up it was explosive exactly yeah so when you when you think about your childhood and then you look at that beautiful little girl what's it feel like to know we have just done a 180 on her on her trajectory it feels great i keep trying to tell him like we could pay for her first house you know when she gets married or at least help out a lot with it so that maybe they don't ever have a mortgage and our grandchildren may not have a mortgage i had a friend of mine did that he made the kids

sign a letter promising they would never borrow a dime and he'd give them a house yeah and he said they're millionaires by the time they were 20 right i mean 25 right not 20 but 25 and it's just pretty incredible yeah wow you guys are cool i love it we got a copy of baby steps millionaires for you number one bestseller that is the next chapter in your story for sure if you're not there yet you'll'll be there soon. And, of course, a copy of the Total Money Makeover for you to give away and disrupt someone, cause a holy ruckus with that. You've probably got somebody in mind that needs to read that, that ought to go do what you guys have done. All right, well, let's get the young lady into the picture.

What's her name and how old is she? Raelynn, and she is 10 months. 10 months old, look. Oh, and Janelle didn't want to hand her over. Janelle wanted to keep hold of her. Look at that. That was bouncing her on her knee. That was so cute.

So cute. Well done, Stephen and Melissa and Ray Lynn. Dayton, Ohio, $55,000 paid off in seven months. Oh, by the way, that was their house. They're 100% debt-free at 29 and 31 years old, making $140 a year. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! Yeah! I love it! Oh, baby, that is awesome. Man, their future is bright i remember i mean i just remember when josephine was that little oh my goodness watching them hold their baby yeah it goes so fast and you guys have just changed her existence and she doesn't even know the level of stress that's not in their house and will never be in their house because the number one thing people fight about, the number one stress point in marriage, the number one cause of divorce, money fights, money problems, money stresses.

And that daughter is going to – Never feel it. That daughter, when she goes to elementary school and middle school and high school, she's got two parents who are like, we don't care what people think. This is who we are. And she's going to be firmly rooted in all aspects of her identity man that's unbelievable you're setting up you're setting up a whole winning thing here that is way beyond just paying off the house well done well done well done wow they're heroes man rock stars i'm so proud of them this is the ramsey show Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. Alexander is in Charleston, South Carolina.

Hi, Alexander. How are you? I'm doing well, Dave. I've got to say it's an honor to speak to the both of you. You too, sir. how can we help uh i just had a quick question because uh my wife and i started doing the baby steps over again i got out of debt before we got married i paid for her ring and cash and then we got married and brought her student loan debt in so we're starting from square one and you say at the with the baby step two you should stop all investments does that mean i should turn my turn my employee savings account that they use for my 401K, should I just turn that off for now until I'm done?

Yes, sir. Okay. Now, here's why, okay? It's not really that much difference in the math, but there's something that happens in your brain when you go whole hog when you completely focus on a single goal to the detriment of all other goals when you completely sell out for getting out of debt it increases not only the probability that you're going to get out of debt but the speed at which you do it and it does free up a little bit of money the money that was going

into the 401k temporarily is not going there. Temporarily it is going to your debts. But more than anything, it's you going, I'm in. I'm doing this. And there's something about that level of focus, that level of commitment that breaks things loose in your life. Because you start, you look over there and you go, well, we can't really buy that thing because that's going to mean one more month that i'm in debt and one more month

i'm not in the 401k and that pissing me off because i want to be in my 401k so it just keeps dialing it back down and focusing it back down to where you're putting blinders on your financial life and on your the psychology of the situation to be able to focus exclusively on one thing. John, what is the power that comes from that that I'm describing? I'm just listening. I'm thinking of this is just pure unadulterated rage, right? So, Alexander, just thinking about pausing, does that make your heart rate go up? It does, and it doesn't because, like said i've been you know gazelle the day before

and i got the wife to join the cause but you know it's it's different now for me because you know i'm married now i got a family that i'm going to take care of we're thinking about expanding our family in a couple years and you know so we want to be free right and so let this like it does and it doesn't it does right and you're a cool cucumber like no it's cool it does and it should right it's a good kind of anger that's right it's a it's a drives action yeah it's a righteous rage man like i'm not gonna ever find myself in this situation ever again we're not going to i love how you're changing your pronouns we're not going to right we're going to keep going and going and going mary's in louisville kentucky hi mary welcome to the ramsey show hi dave thank you

so much for taking my call sure um my question is um in 2014 i went through a nasty divorce and uh 2015 i rented for a year and then i bought a condo uh in a couple weeks, I'm getting ready to sell my condo. And last year, I remarried. So the house that my husband is living in together, we moved in, obviously. We got married in 2021. He owes, we owe like $68,000 on the house. And when I sell this condo, I'm going to going to get about 90 000 from the sale of the condo so i don't know whether to just go ahead and say let's pay off the house or should i invest it in our retirement

well with the exception of the fact that you've been through a lot of pain and um so you're probably a little gun shy uh if if you if let's just say let's dial this back and say okay you call me up you're 25 years old and you're brand new married and you've never been married before and never had the scars of of the hurt and the pain and the broken heart of a divorce and uh all of that and you call me up the question's a no-brainer. We pay down the house. Right. Okay, so that's the answer of the right way to do this financially.

But if I'm in your shoes, that might be hard for me to do, and I might want some checks and balances in place because, you know, I've just got these scars. And so the checks and balances would be that your name is on the deed on the new house and that there's a will that both of you signed that in the event of his death, the house is yours. In the event of your death, the house is his. And we're not, you know, former kids from former marriages or whatever

are not getting, his kids aren't getting at your 90 grand that you paid down on his house. And, you know, we've got to have a lot of clarity and legal documents on all of that. And if he's unwilling to do that, then that's going to spook me. Yeah, and something else. I've got 403B and I've got an IRA, and I have one son. He has three kids. And before we got married, he brought up, he said, before we get married, I just want you to know that if something happens to you,

your money is going to go to your son. He doesn't have to even think about splitting it with my three. That's just a given. Well, then you need to change the beneficiary on your 401K or your 403B to name your son. Yes, I did. Okay. I i did all right then that's already taken care of then that's fine so hey so your your husband your new husband gets it yes we need to discuss then what what's going to happen with the house we've already discussed what's going to

happen the retirement it's going to the kids right okay but what's going to happen with the house that we own together and it was yours before but now i'm putting 90 grand into it have y'all had that conversation already uh we've kind of jumped around it haven't really come right out and said okay we're going to do this yeah you need you need to you need to know that your 90 grand is protected and that you own the house when he dies or you don't put the money in the house and And I care less about the dollar amount and I care more about that you're not homeless if he passes away, right? Or that his kids don't come out and say, hey, that house is ours, we're going to sell it and we'll give you your 60 grand back, but you're homeless now. Yeah, it's just good clarity. And, you know, it could be the one thing that you guys decide, okay, this is something we are doing together to the exclusion of our children.

His retirement goes to his kids. Your retirement goes to your kids. But this piece of the wealth is our new life, and we're going to do this house together. I love that. And basically, you're buying into this house, and this gives you a vision for the future. It's something you can share on that. If you don't do that, I kind of think you've got a problem. You might want to sell that house and the two of you go buy a house that you can own

together and go into the future. If he's stuck on his house kind of thing. I don't think he is, though. This guy sounds like he's pretty open-handed. I like him already. It's good stuff. Bill is in Mobile. Hi, Bill.

Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. How can I help? I have a question, a tax question, relating to a car that I sold last summer. I bought it three years ago, pre-owned, and I think it's a limited edition sports car. I think it's considered a collectible.

I paid about $40,000 above MSRP when I bought it and then I ended up selling it for about $18,000 less than I bought it for. So I'm wondering, can I write that $18,000 off against other capital gains of the loss of that? No. Because you drove the car. It's not a collectible. You drove the car. It's your daily driver, right? Yes, sir.

Yeah, you just bought a car and lost money on cars. That's all you did. What kind of car was it? If it's a business, you could do that. If you're in the business of collecting cars, and that would mean the car was like sitting in the garage, it wasn't a daily driver, and it's an investment, and you're buying the car as an investment, and you regularly trade cars as a part of your ongoing car collectible business, yeah, you could write off a loss then.

But I don't think you can. You could double-check with a tax advisor to be sure. I'm not very good at taxes, so I could be wrong. But I don't think you can. So I'm with John. What kind of car is this? It was a Porsche 911 GT3 RS. Oh, my God.

So what have we learned here? Wait a minute. What color was it? It was black with green accents. That is a beast of an automobile. Dude, the studio is getting warm for those of you listening. I can't believe that that thing didn't bring more than that in this weird market. It's currently bringing about $250.

Yeah. So you just got burned on the up sale. Yes, sir. If I would have sold it private sale, I think I could have sold it probably for more than I bought it for. Oh, there it is. Okay, so you could have got out of it, but you flipped it into the next deal. Wow.

Well, I don't think you can. Double check your tax code to be sure, but I'm pretty sure that I'm right. I've been wrong before, though. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.