The Ramsey Show - App - I Haven't Combined Finances With My Husband (Hour 3)

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

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Hey guys, this is James Childs, producer of the Dave Ramsey Show. Dave and the team are out spending time with their families for Christmas, but we'll be live again soon. In the meantime, we've put together some of the best clips from the show for you to enjoy. You are listening to the best of the Dave Ramsey Show. Merry Christmas. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king,

and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host, Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, best-selling author. My daughter is my co-host this hour here on the air. We're answering your questions about your life and your money. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. Samantha is in Houston, Texas to kick this hour off. Hi, Samantha.

How are you? Hi. I, Samantha. How are you? Hi. I'm fine. How are you guys? Great. How can we help? So, quick question. I've been listening to you since January, and I've been serious since February, but

I've been serious by myself. My husband, I've been trying to get him on board, and he's just not having it. He's not wanting to? He's not wanting to budget like the gazelle intensity like me. He just wants to kind of budget, and I want to 100% budget and be really strict. I don't want to make him feel like I don't honor him as my husband, and I don't want to make him feel like I don't honor him as my husband, and I don't want to make him feel like I don't want to work as a team. So did you sit down and do a budget together, and you ran him off by being strict?

I think that may have been what happened. Okay, give me an example of a category he thought you were cray-cray on. Eating out, for example. How much did you have for eating out i had maybe 50 bucks because i know he likes to eat out for lunch he doesn't like to take lunch with him what's your household income um about 6,500 monthly and how much debt do you guys have? Oh, $182,000. On what? Most of it is his student loans.

That's around $133,000. My car, around $5,500 on his car. Both of our credit cards. That's pretty much what all of our debt is outside of the house. You've got a lot of debt, but you have a pretty good income. Rachel, what would you do? Well, I'm curious. What does he do? What did he do with that degree? Pardon? What did he do? What's he do for a living? Oh, he works for the city. He manages a health clinic for the city of Houston.

Okay, cool. Yeah, but this is always tough. Getting another spouse on board is a question I feel like we get all the time. And I kind of have like a three-prong approach that I do. So like number one is your why. So sitting down and not, you know, not barking at them about the budget. No, you're not doing this. I want you to do this, all this.

Explaining your why. Like what is your why, Samantha? Is it because you're stressed out? Is it because you're fearful something happens? You don't know how you guys are going to be financially? Is it because you're stressed out? Is it because you're fearful something happens? You don't know how you guys are going to be financially. Is it because you want to be able to live with the thought of like no payments and the freedom that comes with that? Are you doing it for your kids?

Like, like figure out your why and his, and sit down and have that conversation though and explain it to him. Like, this is what's going on in me. This is why I want to do it. It's more than just $50 of going out to eat a month. Like, you know, you probably don't even want that either.

Like, but I want to do these sacrifices in order to get out of debt so that X. And fill in that blank and have that conversation and get his take as well. So start with like the bigger picture, kind of the more emotional side. And then get tactical. So especially for men, I find that if you can do progress show visual progress they're more up to do the plan so you just saying hey we're gonna do 50 for going out to eat sorry like that's how it's gonna be he's probably oh no i don't want to do that i don't want to do that but if you say hey you only have we if we choose to do this it's only going to be x amount of months that that this

is how our life is going to be it's not forever We're not going to do this for 15 years. Maybe it's 15 months or like you do the math and figure out this is how long it will take to get out of debt if we budget like this. And sometimes I'm just seeing that progress. They're like, okay, because there's hope on the other end because he's probably feeling like you just took all the fun money and now I can't do anything. I can't have fun because you just want to get out of debt and it just sounds miserable. But showing the progress, I think, is huge. And then lastly, Samantha, I would say, if those don't work, bring in a third party. So whether that's one of our books, maybe that's the podcast, maybe it's a marriage counselor. Like, I don't know what it is.

But bringing in that third party for you guys, I think, can be extremely, extremely helpful. Yeah. So, Samantha, do you all have children? Yes, we have two children 16 and 10 okay let me give you an illustration that's not going to happen but it but it gets your attention emotionally okay um right now it's like his mommy is saying he can't have money to go out to eat you're not being being his wife. You're being his mommy. That's how this conversation feels. He doesn't want that, and you don't want to be that. Okay?

Yeah. If instead you did what Rachel's talking about, and you both had a really big reason, then he would be on board to make the decision with you. And, you know, the example I'm going to use is not going to happen, but if one of your children were ill and you had to save $20,000 really, really fast to save their life, he wouldn't be bitching about going out to eat. Yeah.

Because you'd have a big enough why. He doesn't have a big enough why, and so he's not willing to sacrifice the now for the later because he doesn't believe the later. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. And so that turns you into the nagging wife or the mommy and turns him into the little boy or the husband whose wife is listening to some crazy butt guy on the radio and messed her up. Right. And I turned me into a cuss word.

Right. And so, yeah. So I think you guys back up and if you get it if you go if you start talking about what hogan says to dream in high definition dream in hd and quit talking about fifty dollars going out to dinner the fifty dollars going out to dinner will solve itself when you both have a big enough reason to do this and by the way you do if you're looking at this and you have 182 000 worth of debt and it doesn't scare the crap out of you you're not really dialed in which translation he ain't dialed in this should scare him enough to go as a man as a husband as a person

i don't want this thing hanging over my head. And it's like, he should have an oh, crap moment, you know? But he hasn't yet. He hasn't yet. And when he does, it'll change everything. So I think you back up and quit using me as a stick to beat him. Quit using the budget to try to control him. He'll do all this stuff faster than you'll do it once he has a reason. As if your child were ill and you had to come up with $20,000.

If you can get that in his head and go, if we do this for a short period of time, we can save this family's life. We can get out of $182,000 worth of debt because you make $100,000 a year. You make more than that. You're coming home with $6,500, you said, right? So, yeah, you're probably making $120 a year. And so, you know, you can say, we make too much money to be this broke. We're not ever going to be anywhere. We're stuck.

We've got to get out of this. The house is on fire. Run for the door. And you don't have to ask somebody to run for the door when the house is on fire. They run. And so you don't have to ask somebody to save money out of their lunch money to save their child's life if their child needs saving you know they do it there's not a human on the planet wouldn't give up their lunch money to save their child of course they would so all that illustrates is not that your child's ill or something like that but all that

illustrates is that if you have a big enough why everyone is willing to sacrifice to get to it good good question. You're going to do fine. Hold on. I'm going to put you guys through Ramsey Plus for a one-year subscription. Put the whole family in Financial Peace University. Get him going through the class with you. It's going to change everything.

This is the Dave Ramsey Show. you've worked hard to make your business successful. Blood, sweat, tears, and prayers. Because as a business owner, you are the secret sauce. And your company is only as strong as you are. So what happens if a key ingredient is missing? And what if that ingredient is your health, resulting in expensive medical bills? Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, presents health cost sharing. It's different from insurance in that Christians help other Christians to meet their medical expenses. Various programs are available depending on your needs and budget.

As a Better Business Bureau accredited charity, CHM has helped its members successfully share over $5 billion in each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years. Various programs are available depending on your needs and budget. Learn how CHM has served small business owners just like you by visiting chministries.org slash budget. chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. you're listening to the best of the dave ramsey show we'll be back soon with more live content chris hogan ramsey personality my co-host today here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Well, there's been some tough times, obviously. The number 2020 is going to come to mean sucks simultaneously. It's just, man, it's amazing out there. A lot of people hurting. You could be hurting. You could be jobless right now you could be broke you may be struggling to put food on the table um you may be having the best year of your life i've talked to a few people in business that are booming in the middle of all this mess john maxwell says change is inevitable growth is optional and if you've said to yourself i am here but I will never be in this mess again.

Next time something comes at me, I'm going to be ready. I'm going to have my emergency fund. I'm going to be out of debt. Never again. If you've had that moment and you want to take the next step to get to where you can sleep easy and join the portion of America that's not freaking out right now, and there is a bunch of us, oddly enough, we can show you how. We've launched something new, and it's huge, something that will change the trajectory

of your life. It's called Ramsey Plus. This is the all-access membership that gives you our best money products. You learn with all nine lessons of Financial Peace University and several other curriculum that are in there. You budget with the world's best budgeting app, the premium features of every dollar. It syncs up with everything. It syncs with your your spouse with your bank everything and then you track your progress with the new baby steps app you can do a free trial

on ramsey plus and get all of that in the free trial the budgeting the learning and the tracking set yourself up so you never again have to face something like this without confidence. So how do you do it? Text, if you want the free trial to Ramsey Plus, text TRIAL to 33789. Text TRIAL to 33789. Kenny is in Odessa, Texas. Hi, Kenny. How are you?

Good. Thanks for taking my call today, Dave and Chris. My question for you today, my girlfriend and I bought a house two years ago. We paid cash for it. She paid three-quarters of it. I paid one-quarter of it. And we've drawn up paperwork. If we die, if we split up, you know, how the money is to be to our grown children.

And she's recommended that she buy me out my part of it that way i can put in an investment account get it growing on top of my other 401k and investments but i'm worried you know because then my name wouldn't be on the house i wouldn't be an owner i would be a tenant so i was wanting to get your input on that The data that we have from people who build wealth, don't do it the way you're doing it. Okay. And so the data that we have from millionaires is they have, you know, north of 80% of them, we studied 10,000 millionaires in Chris's book, Everyday Millionaires. North of 80% of them were in lockstep, complete shared goals with their spouse.

We found almost none of them being people living with someone they weren't married to. That's the actual data points. And so I'm kind of a practical guy in that respect. And so you may want to reconsider your whole model is my point. Because if you were married and you had a big pile of investments and you had a paid-for house, you wouldn't be dealing with all this crap. You're spending a lot of your energy running sideways kenny i'm curious go ahead kenny uh she's she's wealthy i mean she's she's got plenty of money for retirement she gets alimony every month i have a great career i make six figures uh i've

got plenty of my 401k, plenty there. Like I said, we've just bought this house together. This is the only thing we have together. All of our debts are paid off and everything, and that's all we have together. But like I said, she was just wanting to buy me out. That way there's no hassle in the end if something happens to one of us or both of us. We travel a lot and stuff, and it's just easier. It's in her will that her child gets it.

Yeah, it's no hassle at the end of the relationship either. You're just gone. Right. Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Well, and it sounds like to me she's not wanting to get married because of the alimony set up. True. We neither one want to get married. We've both been married before and we like our relationship the way it is.

We've been together almost five years. And like I said, we just moved in two years ago. And so she brought to you the idea of buying you out of this house i would they were just talking about investments and everything and yeah she just brought it up she goes hey would it be easier because we're doing our wheels again and stuff like that it would it would be cleaner easier it would be much cleaner okay yeah but you don't think there's a problem with my name not being on the house you know and it's the problem is you don't live there if she don't want you to. Right, and she don't see that as a real problem, though.

That's a relationship issue. That's not a financial issue. Right. If you want to own some real estate, you can go buy some real estate elsewhere as rental property, right? But when you don't own the home, when you don't have any ownership rights at all to the home you live in, when the owner says leave, you get to leave. Good point's your tenant that's a but that's a relationship issue you know you but you just outlined what your all's model was and how you're approaching this um i'm telling you there's very few data points that lead that say that leads to prosperity um it usually doesn't

as a matter of fact so um uh i'd be a little bit worried she wants to buy you out. Just out of the blue. Could be a telltale sign. Don't spend that money. I want to buy you out. Hashtag get out. We're just teasing you. We're just teasing you, Kenny, sort of.

Hang on to the money, Kenny. No, I would do it because it would clean up everything. It would. It would clean up everything. You're just mean, Hogan. I'm telling you, you're mean. Hit the button. You're a big, mean man.

Kanan is with us in Burlington, North Carolina. Hi, Kanan. How are you? Good. How are you, Dave? How are you, Dave? How are you, Chris? Better than we deserve, for sure. What's up?

Yeah, just got a quick question for you guys. So last year, my wife worked at a credit union for about 10 months while she was finishing up nursing school. And they started taking some of her income and putting it into their 401K. Well, about the time that they left, there was only about $450 in her 401K, and they said that they wouldn't allow that to stay in their 401K, so they rolled it over to just one of the bank's investments and then charged $50 for the direct rollover fee. So there's $400 in there. Grief.

These people are sharks. Yes. I'm going to help you roll over your $56 account and charge you $50 to do it. I know, exactly. So my question is, I know with the bills that Congress passed, would it be better for me to just withdraw them in a 12% tax bracket? Would it be better for me to withdraw $400 and pay $48 in taxes or pay another $50 rollover fee to get it in something that's actually going to make a little bit of money?

It doesn't matter. If you just set fire to it, it won't change your life. That's what I was thinking. I'm certainly not leaving it with those characters. So either move it, and I don't know that unless they charge you another rollover fee to get it out of there. But, you know, it's $450, man. It doesn't matter. It's not going to make or break your life.

Either way. So stay away from these people moving forward. Yeah. So what do you learn from this? Banks charge fees. Be watching for them. Yep. Be watching for them.

Aaron is with us. Aaron is in. Whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come on. Get the right button here, Dave. There we go. Aaron's in Nashville.

Hi, Aaron. How are you? Wait a minute. No, you're not even there. Oh, God. I screwed it up completely. I think I hung up on him then. He's gone. Yeah. Well, he screwed it up completely. I think I hung up on him then. He's gone.

Yeah, well, he'll call back maybe. Call back, Aaron. Sorry, Aaron. Tell me I'm the mean one. What? No, you're the mean one. I'm the klutz. Hit the wrong button.

I hit the hang up button. You'd think I'd know how to work this crap by now after 30 years, but I don't. All right. Anyway, Chris Hogan is here to help me get through this other half hour on the dave ramsey show We'll be back soon with more live content ramsey personality ken coleman is my co-host today here on the dave ramsey show in springfield missouri justin and alice alicia are calling in to do their debt-free scream. Hey, guys, how are you?

Hey, Dave. We're good. Welcome. How much have you paid off? We paid off $51,950.80. And how long did this take? It took us two years and seven months. All right.

And your range of income during that two years and seven months? Well, we started with $56,000 and we ended with $46,000. Okay, cool. So what kind of debt was the $52,000? Pretty much a little bit of everything. We had two auto loans, I had an FSA youth loan, and then we had six credit cards. Wow, okay. So you were kind of normal. Yep, just a little bit. How old are you two? I'm 26 credit cards. Wow. Okay. So you were kind of normal. Yep, just a little bit. How old are you two? I'm 26.

24. Awesome. Very cool. So what happened two years and seven months ago that put you on this journey? Oh, great story. We were actually in Okinawa, because that's where I was stationed in 2016, and I had started a men's Bible study at our church, or joined it, and it was the 33 series. And it talked about the man being the financial provider in the marriage. And it talked about

being able to give your wife the option not to work outside of the house. And it mentioned you. And at that point in time, I had never even heard of you, and I felt like God was really just speaking to us about something we talked about. So I read your book, The Total Money Makeover. Actually, I listened to it about 30 times on my way. You there? I'm here. Can you hear me? Yeah, you're cutting in and out. Okay. So you listened to the book 30-something times, and then what? Yep, and then it just really got me on track to want to provide a better way for my family and change that tree. Cool. So, Alicia, he comes home, and he's kind of gone crazy.

What did you say? Oh, gosh, Dave. I wanted to be normal. I was not the person on board. He jokes with me, and we listened to your show several times about your name being a cuss word in our home. And that was it. He was just hounding me all the time. And at the time, you know, I've done some self-growth there. I was being selfish.

You know, I wanted to continue doing things. We hadn't had any kiddos yet. And I was going selfish. You know, I wanted to continue doing things. We hadn't had any kiddos yet. And I was going to school, never had student loans, though. And so he talked me out of doing that, which I'm very grateful. And so I continued to work, and we paid off a bunch. We were actually stationed overseas. And then we just got back to the States a little over a year ago. And when we got back to the States a year over a year ago. And when we got back to

the States a year ago, we found out we were pregnant. So it was perfect timing. Yeah. Yes. And now our little one is 10 months and we were debt free when she, when, as soon as she was three months old. So it's just been a crazy journey. Yes. Very cool. Very cool. Fun! Well, what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is, guys? You did it. Staying current and having the discipline. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but later on, it yields a harvest of righteousness. That and I listen to your radio show just about every day. So just hearing everyone else doing the debt-free scream, it really kept me motivated to get to that point.

What was the hardest part of this for y'all? Changing our lifestyle. Stopped going out to eat with my friends at work. Brown bagging our lunch, and saying no to people when it meant to go and spend stuff. Which is funny, is actually my coworkers at my last station, they put on my going away plaque a quote that said, that's not Dave Ramsey approved. Not Dave Ramsey approved. Well, very cool, you guys. Very cool. Well, we've got a copy of Chris Hogan very cool, you guys. Very cool.

Well, we've got a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you, Everyday Millionaires. We're very proud of you heroes. Well done. Thank you for your service. We appreciate that. And Justin and Alicia, 52,000 paid off in two years and seven months, making 56 to 46. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.

Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Well done, you guys. Very, very well done. All right, Theodore is with us in Topeka, Kansas. Hi, Theodore.

How are you? I'm good, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can Ken and I help? So this is going to be more of a Ken's coffee on the back porch type of question. So I'm a banker, and I'm trying to figure out what kind of, you know, what can I do in my career that's less contradicting?

You know, I do loans, home equities, things like that. And every time I get someone in to sign a loan, I just want to reach across the table and smack them because I'm just like, what are you doing? You know? Like, and I just, I feel so unfulfilled. And, you know, I just, just going to work every day feeling contradicted.

Yeah, well, so you've been thinking about this just going to work every day feeling contradicted. Yeah. Well, so you've been thinking about this long enough to make this phone call. The question is, have you put any thought into what you would really love to do? Whether or not you think you're qualified for it or not, I just want to know what would you love to do if we could just transition you out of this and you start Monday morning. Guaranteed success. What would you do? I'd love to financially Monday morning, guaranteed success, what would you do? I'd love to financially coach people, to be quite honest with you. Not necessarily as an investment advisor, but just walk people through their finances.

Yeah, why is that? Give me the why. I love people. I love helping them. You know, I think that finances is a big struggle for lots of people. And if I can help them overcome that one little thing, I mean, what you guys and your company have done for me is fantastic. And it's not only just changed my financial life, but all aspects of my life. And if I can do that for someone else, you know, that fulfills me. And do you love the idea of working for yourself? I do. Absolutely. Very entrepreneurial.

Well, that's what that destination involves. And so, you know, we talk to so many people, Dave, on his show, me on my show, that want to be financial coaches. And, you know, this is all about getting to a place where you can actually coach people. Our financial coach master training program, that's where I think you ought to start because, again, you get the double benefit of learning the coaching process. They know how to do it well. It can make you a better coach. And then they're also going to walk with you and help you grow your business. But you need to understand that this isn't a, I walk out of banking and I hang a shingle and I'm immediately making enough money to sustain myself. How much money do you make right now? I make $45,000 a year.

All right, so we've got to come up with a plan that involves either you replacing that $45,000 a year in a job that you can do, you have the talent to do it. It may not be the dream job. In fact, it won't be. But it's a day job where there's not this wrestling match with your values every day or, and I'm okay with this one, if you can get there, I know Dave's going to speak to this, but can you get to a point in the banking job where you realize I'm not doing anything legal and I'm not being unethical. I am pitching a product and providing a product that I personally,

I don't like it. I think it's bad. I'm a cash guy. I'm a no-debt guy. But you can stay there long enough to get to the point where you build that financial coaching business and you step into it eventually. Because you're going to have to build up that financial coaching business, just like an entrepreneur, one client at a time, to where you're making close to 45. Or if you can get six months of your living expenses in the bank and you believe in yourself then that's an approach but that's what's facing uh you right now and you've got to decide which is the best way to get there yeah all of that makes sense every bit of that i mean it's just hard to you know be a health nut and do marketing for mcdonald's it's very difficult, I get that. It's just, it's hard.

And because it wasn't incongruent, it didn't feel hypocritical for you when you started. But now you're feeling that way. And we didn't tell you to feel that way. You called and said you felt that way. So, I mean, I don't shame people for being in that industry. There are, in quotes, good bankers. I sometimes meet people in a social situation and go, well, you won't like me. I'm a banker.

I'm like, I don't hate all bankers at all, not even close. But, you know, some are more scummy than others, like every other industry. But obviously, you know, there are people that do a good job and, you know, keep people's best interest in mind. Tell someone not to borrow money sometimes. It's just irresponsible. They won't make a loan that they could make. And you could start doing some of that as long as your firm allows you to exercise judgment in that way.

But, yeah, I think you're going to make a move to something. And Ken gave you a good man. you're listening to the best of the dave ramsey show we'll be back soon with more live content our scripture of the day james 1 5 if any of you lacks wisdom you should ask god who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to you. Benjamin Franklin said, tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. Oh, that's the problem with the education system.

There it is right there. Love it. All summed up. Darcy's in Richland, Washington. Hi, Darcy. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. What a pleasure to talk to you guys.

You too. What's up? So I just want to start by saying thank you for taking my call. And I love your show. I listen to it almost every day when I go running in the mornings. And I really like the addition of Dr. Deloney to the show. Thank you. It's been great to hear his relationship insight and all those good things. So my question is about paying for school. So within the last year, my husband and I have gotten to baby steps four, five, and six, which has been amazing since, you know, this whole COVID thing. I just can't even express how much peace that's given us to only have,

you know, our house payment. And it's just been amazing. So we decided after years of being at home and being an at-home mom and working from home as a piano teacher, that it was time for me to go back to school. So I have enrolled and I'm taking some summer classes and I've already paid for the summer and the fall semester here coming up. And it should just take me until December of next year. So I already cash flowed those semesters and I'm pretty sure with like the bonuses and money that we don't depend on, we'll be able to pay for most of next year.

But when it comes to that last semester, I was not sure. And then, um, at that time, is it okay to dip into like our, um, emergency fund, um, if it's just for a short time and then you know we'll be able to put that money back in once i'm finished or are there other options we should consider to pay for that last semester like um pausing retirement i might pause my 529 i might pause retirement i don't touch the emergency fund for something that's not an emergency. Okay. This is a planned event.

It's a purchase. Yeah. And so it's not an emergency by definition. So if you have to pause retirement and you can't cash flow it, I think, though, based on what you're telling me, you're going to cash flow it and not have to do either. Okay. Because I think you're looking at the target.

You're looking at the target. You're looking at the target, and you're making adjustments in lifestyle and other things to free up cash between now and that last semester. Way out there. You're going to get there. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, Darcy, how old are you? I just turned 40.

Just turned 40. And I am, like, super excited. So can I tell you, Darcy, listen. And I'm like super excited. So can I tell you, Darcy, listen, I want to tell you this, because you're going to have a lot of obstacles, and like Dave said, you've got your eye on the target, eye on the target. My mom took her first community college class at 42. She took a second one the next year, a second one the following semester, and kept slowly going and slowly going.

She got her bachelor's degree. Had a professor say, hey, you know what? Keep going. Keep going. And at 57, she graduated with her PhD. And now almost knocking on the door of 70, she's a department chair of some university in a different city and with a whole other second half of her life because she took the step and she started one class at a time so i want to encourage you you've got this darcy you're going to be able to cash flow it like dave said believe in yourself and go get them way to go great story tiffany's

in dallas hi tiffany welcome to the dave ramsey show hi how are you great how can we help um so i was calling because i um i recently got married well not recently it'll be a year in november and um my husband and i we were um well i thought we were on board to um follow the the plan i actually went through your class um a couple years ago and so I was telling my husband about it and he seemed excited initially but I guess maybe after a few months of being married we had joint bank accounts and then he decided he wanted to have separate bank accounts and in that time when we had the joint bank accounts we did pay off a few of our credit cards that we had separately and student loans. And so now we haven't had that conversation anymore.

It was just kind of like, I'm not sure. It was kind of like an abrupt decision. No, he had the conversation. He just went and did it. Why haven't you said that's not okay? Well, I did, and he just kind of implied that he he didn't want to have separate or he just said he didn't want to have separate account he wanted to have separate account why um well he said he didn't like the way i was spending money and when i brought to

his attention that you know we paid off student loans, we've paid off credit cards. Wait a minute, weren't the two of you working together on a budget? No, you weren't. We did a couple times. No, you weren't because you were spending money and he didn't like how you were spending money because you guys didn't have a plan where you were working together. Yeah.

Hey, Tiffany, this doesn't feel like a big deal, but I want you to sound every alarm you have. This is a big deal. The number one cause of divorce in North America today is money fights and money problems. Jesus said your treasure is where your heart is. He just took his treasure and took it away from you and set it over to the side and cut you out.

This is dangerous relationship ground. This is stop the presses, get somebody that you trust in your life that can sit down with the both of you, and you'd have this conversation like today or tomorrow. Good pastor, good marriage counselor, somebody to walk you guys through this, and you combine your lives for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Unto thee all my worldly goods I pledge. That's the old-fashioned marriage vows that no one says anymore.

Because the combining of your lives and the combining of your assets and the combining of your spending decisions causes the combining of your values and forces detailed in-depth communication and there's a lot of thrashing around going on at your house where he just jerks stuff away and then you stand there looking like a deer in the headlights going what happened because you were over here overspending or you were spending money and he couldn't control you or some kind of crap is going on here i don't know what it is but i smell stink something's not right somebody's heart's not settled a year in whether it's yours or his

or both but this is a giant red neon flashing light saying danger danger and you got to address it soon and dress it with a good heart if you come in and say hey these two knuckleheads on the radio said that you screwed up a divorce yeah about to get a divorce. Yeah, don't do that. That's not what we're saying. But we are saying, if you don't fix this when you're 30, 10 years from now, this will have gotten much worse. It's not going to naturally get better. Systems left to themselves deteriorate unless you put pressure on them to polish and to become.

And marriage is a system in that regard so um we've i've seen this for 30 years coaching couples it's a very very dangerous sign so yeah you guys need to get on the same page he is uh either controlling or he's ultimately disgusted with you or both over the handling of money and you guys need to get on the same page so we'll help you guys sit down with a good marriage counselor get some coaching before this gets worse. It's not a lightweight thing. And then I'll give you Ramsey Plus, and you guys get in there and go through Financial Peace University, get on the Every Dollar Budget together, and combine your finances,

and come into agreement every month before the month begins as to where our spending is going to occur and you both have a vote he doesn't have the only vote and neither do you and neither do you this is called marriage we're going to work together we're going to compromise for the good of the couple. And you surrender yourself. He surrenders himself for the good of the pair. And so what I do when Sharon and I are looking at this, okay, what's good for the two of us? Not what do I want. And I don't double up my fists and have a fit like a four-year-old kid on the cereal aisle.

It happened yesterday in my house. I said, hey, let's start putting some money in savings here instead of just putting money over here. My wife said, I don't feel comfortable with that. What if we split the difference? And I trust her. She trusts me. And she was wise.

And I wasn't being unwise. I just had an idea in my head. Together, we made a good decision. And now we're on the same page moving forward. That's it. This is how it works. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember

there's ultimately only one way to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.