The Ramsey Show - App - I Inherited $2.8 Million - What Do I Do? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thanks for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, my co-host today on the air, answering your questions about life. I'll answer your questions about money, and we might even both do that. It's been known to happen. You've lived more life than me, Dave. It's been known to happen. How are you? You than me, Dave. It's been known to happen. How are you? You doing all right?

I'm doing good. How are you? Excellent. I am better than I deserve. Yeah. I am a person that is, and I think this is something we've been talking about around our organization some, and I think that our leadership team is talking with our team about this a lot. I really think that if we're looking for it,

and this is not just Pollyanna, but if we're looking for it, a lot of people are going to be able to change their lives following this mess in good ways. Whether it's they decide to be different relationally, they decide to grow spiritually, they decide to lose their corona belly, they decide to get out of debt and have an emergency fund so the next time life comes around, they're ready.

They decide to, and I think, you know know there's a certain number of people kind of whining like well life's never gonna be the same that's good shouldn't be the same it was a mess it was it was parts of your life that you don't want to be the same parts of your life sucked why would you want it to be the same i'm getting calls from friends people i love people i don't know emails and it's things like my kids have been home for eight weeks and suddenly they're nicer to each other. And I got stuck in a house with somebody I was married to that we realized we've been roommates and we've got to figure this out. What is homeschooling going to look like? I don't want to send my kids back to that mess.

What's a marriage counselor? Because we now realize we want to love each other again and we want to figure this out. But you're're exactly right people are going to have to make plans on what tomorrow's going to look like and the beauty is we get to decide what that looks like yeah you ain't seen nothing yet it's going to be awesome it's going to be awesome i mean when you look back 10 years if you choose to take the promptings that life gave you that god gave you out of this mess, and you react and act on them, you're going to make your life better. I mean, when I was in my 20s, I went through a crisis. It wasn't a worldwide crisis. It was a day of crisis.

We lost everything we owned because I was stupid. And I thought the world came to an end at that point. And you know the old saying, people like me, right? It was the best thing ever happened to me no i'm broke i mean because it straightened me out you know well it really was it really was you know because my my life goals got so much bigger and better and brighter than they were prior to that the shallowness that defined my theology and philosophies in those days was fried out of me by a very hot fire. You know, and so life got better because of the crisis.

And so now there are parents whose identity was that their kid was a good little leaguer. I've had to figure out who they are. And there's parents who had their identities because their kid, their kid went, had the most, the most cool shirts at school. And now there's no school, right? I mean,

we're having to just figure it out and it's refining and you said it's painful fire burns, but you get to find out what you're made of. And then more importantly, you get to find out what you need to go get the tools you need to go get the resources you need to go get so that you can be where you want to be. Yeah. And I hope that starts with kindness and loving each other and compassion.

I really, really do. Some people have discovered that they need to discover that. Right. Because they're meaner than hell. And what does mean get us? Yeah. I mean, just nasty. Yeah.

Twitter. Oh, my gosh. You people. The way you treat each other. I think I hold the record for having blocked the most people. You drop the F-bomb on me, I drop the block on

you. It's a fair trade. People don't talk to me that way in person and you're not going to talk to me that way on the internet. I'm really good with boundaries. But the nasty human dadgum beings out there it's unbelievable and the other horrible way some of you have looked at each other in the grocery store because you did not approve of the other person in the grocery store one way or

another you ought to be ashamed of yourself but the other side of it is my neighbor rick my neighbor rick put flyers on everybody's car and said we are throwing a barbecue block party i'm gonna grill for the whole street i don't know any of you guys we're gonna do it we're gonna all meet each other we're gonna come say hi and it's gonna be fantastic and you can distance or not you can wear a mask you can wear gloves we're gonna have a certain way but come on down we want to see everybody look everybody in the eye and say we love you yeah we get to choose how we do that yeah free barbecue i'm coming come on man i'm in i'm in man this is my that's my kind of guy right there come on yeah i mean there's no way to say i love you quite like with food have you

found anything have you found anything about yourself that you didn't like? I have. Me? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I already knew this, though, so it's okay. I mean, these are things I already knew, but I really don't suffer fools well. Okay. And I've had to really force myself to be kind. And most of the time i've made it i haven't made it a hundred percent but um some of the asinine reactions to people with each other and towards us um you know the first thing happens is you attack me or mine i'm i'm a hillbilly we're gonna fight and so i've had to just back off of that and go now well they're just fools they're just fools. They're just fools.

And I try to have a little grace. And, man, my first reaction is not fear. My first is punch something. So that's just in my DNA. And so different people react different ways. And there's some people that are more fear-based. Some are more anger-based. What amounts to. But it's always I can grow up a little bit more.

I love it. On these subjects. And I think all of us can. Absolutely. So there's some things you can take out of this. But you ain't seen nothing yet. I mean, the stuff we've learned about products and delivering and helping people in the last 45 days, you know, utilizing stuff like the 14-day free trial at Financial Peace University. I mean, almost 100,000 people have now done that in 40 days. That's amazing. You know,

the stuff we've learned about that kind of stuff is going to help so many people. And so there's so many positive learnings from this that you do that I can say ain't seen nothing yet i mean i really think god's saying you ain't seen nothing yet i love it it's all things work together for good for those that love the lord and are called according to his purposes i've got a plan for you it's not to bring you harm but to bring you hope i love it you know there's not a you know there's not a uh an eeyore spirit animal i'm gonna allow in in this building. He can't stay in here. Oh, it's bad. It's always been bad.

It's always going to be bad. Life's bad. Tigger, we ain't going to make it. You know, and there's half of that gun people out there doing that right now. And, folks, you've got to stop it. You've got to stop it. It's not going to. Eeyore has not ever caused somebody to be, except Christopher Robin.

We're going to choose to do right. Yeah. You can choose. It's a choice. Choose. We got it. Throw a barbecue. Let's do it.

I love it. Way to go, Rick. We love you, man. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show. You know, most of us are spending a little more time at home than we used to. And with that extra time comes cleaning out closets, working in the yard, and if you're smart, protecting your family with term life insurance, especially when Zander makes it so easy. Look, Zander is open for business.

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The Ramsey Summer Cash Giveaway is here. We didn't quarantine the cash, baby. It's out. We're giving away $500 every week to three lucky winners in May and a grand prize of $3,000. In each case, it's cash. You can enter daily to increase your chances of winning. No purchase is necessary.

Go to DaveRamsey.com slash giveaway and enter right now. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why they are the number one online retailer of custom window coverings you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more always use the magic word the promo code ramsey to get the best deal andrews in michigan my wife and i have got a question what percentage of our income should go to savings for our children's education? We know you recommend 15% for retirement, but we're wondering if you have a similar rule for children's education.

I do not. And the reason is very simple. You get 15% of your income going into retirement, and whatever money is left after that, we need to address your situation with your children's education. If you have a 17-year-old, a 15-year-old, and a 14-year-old, the answer is all of it. Oh, crap. You know, if you have a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old, it's like, okay, let's get, you know, let's start a 529. Let's start an ESA. You can do this at $50 or $100 a month, and you're going to be okay.

But, I mean, if you've got a 17-year-old, it's a different situation. So, and obviously, you know, where you're thinking of them going to school, how you're going to pay for that, what scholarships they have available to them. And so there's too many variables, the main one being the age of the kids, to say a percentage, because the same percentage doesn't work for a 4-year-old that it does for a 14-year-old the same percentage of your income but you've got to just go okay at this point once i got 15 of going into my retirement account then i'm going to address college all right what are we doing well we don't have kids okay we'll skip it you know but

so there's there's it has to be open-ended and it has to be simply college funding, and you sit down and look at it. Some people choose to say, I'm going to put $50 a month, almost nothing, just to say I can check the box per kid, and then I'm going to reach over and get my house paid off, and then I'm going to plan to cash flow college because my house is paid off. Some people go that direction. Any of this is okay, but I just want you to actually do something.

Because when I started the show john um one of the statistics i saw 30 years ago at that time and it's probably similar now 96 of the people when you surveyed asked them if saving for their kids college was important said yes how many actually did it four percent%. God almighty. There was this disconnect between what they said was important and what they were doing. That's like the old statistic, the old statement. How do you lose weight? Diet and exercise. It's not hard.

No. People just don't do it. They don't do it. I can't tell you how many college families I've worked with over the years that, like you said, the kid got to the end of the second semester of their senior year of high school, and then it became an emergency. It was like Christmas. It didn't sneak up on anybody.

Yeah, it's always in December. That's exactly right. Tony is in California. Hey, Tony, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Yes, sir. It's a pleasure to talk to you, gentlemen. You too, sir. How can I help?

I have recently come into some money um my great-grandfather has uh passed away unfortunately wow and uh he left me $2.8 million and I am sort of you know just absolutely floored as to what I should do with it. Scares you a little. What direction

I should take it. You know the rest of my family is relatively wealthy. Um, so, you know, it, how old are you? I, I don't want, I don't want to, uh, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, can you hear me? Yes, sir. How old are you?

Yes, sir. How old are you? What's sir. How old are you? What's that? How old are you? I'm 32 at the end of this month. Okay. Have you got a degree and a career? What's your degree and what's your career?

Yes, sir. My degree is sort of PC upgrade and repair, and my career is in the same field. Okay. And so this is a certification, not a four-year information systems degree, right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. How long have you been doing that? About, let's see, about three years. Okay.

Good for you. Three years, I think. All right. So when you got the money, it sounds to me like you had a normal reaction, which was like $2.8 million. Woo-hoo! And about 30 seconds later he went oh crap this is really intimidating yeah exactly okay that that's what happens to most people if they're wise the unwise ones just keep saying woohoo woohoo you know but the the smart ones go

oh crap this is actually a responsibility. It's not just a blessing. No, you're exactly right. It's a complete changing amount of money. Yeah, I don't want to screw this up. What is it invested in? You know, so currently I'm waiting for the estate to close, and then it will be invested in stocks, and it will be given over to a financial advisor. Gotcha.

Okay. All right, here's what I want you to do. You were just hired. I want you to treat it like this. You were just hired as the CEO of a a company that has $2.8 million. The first thing that you would do if you were the new CEO of that company is you would begin to put experts around you, not to tell you what to do, but to teach you and guide you so that after you understood, you could make good decisions to run this company. I have a lot of people in my company that are smarter than me, but I still make the decisions after they teach me enough

to get me to do whatever it is we're trying to do around here, okay? And the Bible says it this way, in the multitude of counsel, there's safety. And so have you got a pen handy, something to write on? Yes, sir. Okay, I want you away from the people handling the estate to get a different financial advisor, number one. Number two, I want you to get an insurance broker in your area. Number three, I want you to get a CPA in your area to help with taxes. Number four, I want you to get an estate planning lawyer, an attorney that does estate planning.

And this is your board of directors. And you're going to pay them some fees for their time to teach you advise you and guide you no single one of them gets to control you this money is yours it's not theirs none of them are allowed to be anything but a teacher if you interview them and they have the heart of arrogance or the heart of a salesman not the heart of a teacher run and get a different one but if you put five men and women around you or six men and women in the different professions around you that are wise and have the heart of a teacher and are not trying to scarf your money but are trying to help you guide you as a brand new rich guy you will not screw up do not put money in things you do not understand do not let someone else manage it you learn

and you make the decisions slowly and gradually with wisdom i think you can do this, Tony. Apparently, your great-grandfather thought you could do this. What a vote of confidence, huh? That's pretty cool. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Folks, I love telling you about well-made, well-thought-out products. Today, I'm talking about Grip6 belts. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique.

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That's GRIPSIX.com. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Debt Free stage, Tony and Shereen are with us from Augusta, Georgia. Hey, guys, how are you? We're good. How are you? Welcome, welcome. And you're debt free. Yes.

Love it. How much did you pay off? $176,000. Oh, yeah. There you go. Touchdown. How long did this There you go. Touchdown. How long did this take you? 22 months.

Wow. And your range of income during this time? $170,000. My goodness. What do you guys do for a living? My skill set is a social worker. I work for the federal government. And mine is I'm in the Army National Guard, and I'm also a civilian service worker.

Oh, okay. Wow. You guys are doing something else here. This is amazing. What kind of debt was the $176,000? Our house. You paid off your house? I'm looking at weird people.

I love it. Way to go, you guys. And you did it in 22 months? Yes. Ding, ding. Okay. I mean, you just went for it, didn't you? Yes, sir.

Yes, we did. What happened 22 months ago lit you on fire? I read a book called The Total Money Makeover. Tony just rolled his eyes oh and and so tony what did she say after she read this book well she all took the class and she came on she was at the time we was uh engaged and she talked to me about it and um i said go for it i mean that's the goal that we want to be debt free so that's what we wanted to do okay so she didn't have to talk you into it. You just went for it, too.

Yes, sir. All right. So we went from the money makeover straight to – I went straight to the financial coaching class. Whoa. And I said, well, Tony, this is going to cost a little money. And he said, this is something you want to do. Go for it. Tony, he just does, man.

Tony knows what's up. He just gets her done this is awesome okay so you went straight to being a full-on coach not just not just leading financial peace or anything else have you even been through well at the time after just reading the book i didn't even know about fpu i just went straight to the financial coaching class from there. Prior to leaving Tennessee, you all had came to me and said, hey, would you like to lead a class? And I said, I've never even been to one. But Tony and I did it straight for two years. Wow. Thank you. Very cool. Well, and in the middle of that, when all those other people are in there, it keeps you fired up, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Keeps you motivated and game on.

And so what's this house worth? $245,000. Wow. Look at you. You have a paid for house. Yes, sir. What kind of pieces that brought you over the last two months, right? Oh, my God.

It'd been great. Just wanted to go out and lay out in the grass. Snow angels in the grass. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah, it's a great place to be, especially right now. Yes. So many people, when they go through this, and a young couple standing over there beside you that was did a debt-free scream in another hour we talk all the time about changing your family tree

how many people in in your old family had paid for houses i know no one sir yeah you you literally changed your family tree yes i mean mathematically you did it spiritually you did it yes it's a different place yes how old are you guys i'll be the three i'm 55 sir okay awesome awesome and you have a paid for house yes and people that i grew up with and people that you grew up with look at you and go no way right yes they can't believe it no they can't how do you what do you tell them that the key to getting out of debt and you did it in 22 months yes i would say the key is while you're going through this process don't stop paying your tithes do, because you want to be blessed in the process. And we also prayed, and we said, God, what else can we do? And we get paid opposite weeks.

We started paying our mortgage every week. Whoa. Okay, so we're just going to pay four payments a month, and that'll get us there. And also just being on one accord and, you know, getting glory to God. So all that makes a big deal. It does. Yes. Being on the same team.

Yes. And if he says you go work extra, you go work extra. Yes. And if you agree to that and you say this is what we're going to do, a three-strand cord here, man, here we go. Yes, sir. Yes. Yeah.

You guys are amazing. I'm so proud of you. Oh, man. Thank you, sir. Well done. Thank you, sir. Yes. Yeah, you guys are amazing. I'm so proud of you. Thank you, sir. Well done. Thank you, sir. You are impressive, impressive people. And you live to serve other people in your day jobs. You're a social worker, a civil servant.

Yes, yes, sir. Remember in the military? Yes, sir. Yes. You're changing everybody's lives. Yes. We're doing the best we can. Yes.

What an inspiration. That's very cool. Yeah, you did pick amazing careers, that's for sure. can. Wow. Yes. What an inspiration. That's very cool. Yeah, you did pick amazing careers, that's for sure. Yes. Wow. What was the hardest part of this for you guys? You know, I think for me, I just wanted it to hurry up and come. But it was the process that our new Macy's was the thrift store.

And we love thrift stores. When we leave here, oh, we're going to's was the thrift store. And we love thrift stores. When we leave here, we're going to go to the thrift store. So we're not going to do. We really don't have a desire to do anything different because this is how we got here. I mean, we meet multimillionaires in a thrift store. Yeah, I paid off our houses, you you know and i don't know god would just send them and they would just talk to us and i would just be so encouraged because they weren't dressed flashy or anything yes now that's pretty neat well done you guys well we got a copy of uh

chris hogan's book for you everyday millionaires because there's no doubt that's the next chapter in your story yes sir you'll be outrageously wealthy and outrageously generous. Yes, sir. And you'll be in a position to do all of that because you've learned how to handle this money. Yes. It's a big deal. Very, very, very well done. I'm trying to stop smiling and my face won't stop.

It won't quit. Can we tell you who our cheerleaders were? Absolutely, please. Okay, so our cheerleaders were our pastor. He paid for everyone's books, sir. Wow. So that was Dr. Richard B. Peoples and Dr. Janice Peoples, a faith outreach. He went in his own pocket.

This wasn't the church. It was his own personal money. So Tony and I looked at each other. And so guess what came to mind, Dave? Remember in the financial class, how we say you got to have skin in the game. So after church, he looked at me and I looked at him. He said, what do you think? And I said, I'm going to tell you right now, sir, they're going to pay $25 because Dave told us you got to have skin in the game because they can come take your book and be gone.

So I remember that. Our other cheerleaders were Bobby and Patricia Garland, our spiritual parents, TJ and Lucille Collins, our natural parents, Dr. Robert Cooper, our mentor, James and Heather Shaw. Every class we gave, they were right there with us. Our caterer, Sylvia Hodge and friend. Wow. Got them lined up.

That's good. You can't do this alone, right? No, you can't. And you know what? Something about teaching the class while you're doing it yourself just gets you fired up. Yes. It just keeps you going, pushes you right through. So, absolutely.

Very, very well done, y'all. Good job. What have I left out what you left out was it has been an honor and a privilege to serve you and to be to be trusted with your class we went to class fired up we were motivated as though we wrote the book we we we took ownership of it uh my husband supported us at the end of class whoever paid off the most debt we gave them gift cards uh if they answered the questions correctly they got gift cards and this was money that we took out of our own pocket because we wanted to make it exciting our church supported us with snacks for each class because after a couple of hours, you know, people want snacks. You know, honey, if I could just get about two like you, I'd just keep going the rest of my life.

You're incredible. Sir, I am your new billboard. I don't want you to run out of time. You've got to do this. You've got Tony and Shireen, Augusta, Georgia. Whoa! $176,000 paid off in 22 months. I'm looking at weird people.

These people have their house and everything paid off. Count months. I'm looking at weird people. These people have their house and everything paid off. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. Glory to God. We're debt-free. We're debt-free. I love it.

Yeah, you see how they did that, don't you? They're on fire. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Folks, since you're spending more time at home these days, why not make the most of it? Now, I know not everyone has the means to do a full renovation. Folks, since you're spending more time at home these days, why not make the most of it? Now, I know not everyone has the means to do a full renovation, but thanks to our friends at Blinds.com, there are some small changes you can make to help improve your home. Blinds.com makes it incredibly simple to shop top-quality blinds, shades,

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may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in heaven. William Sprague said, do not wait to strike till the iron is hot, but make it hot by striking. My co-host today on this show, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. Shannon is on the line. Shannon is in Colorado. Hi, Shannon. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you both for taking my call. You've helped my family a lot, so I appreciate it. Hi, Shannon. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you both for taking my call.

You've helped my family a lot, so I appreciate it. You're welcome. I actually have a question for both of you to weigh in on. Okay. So my mom has been widowed since I was 12, and in my adult life, and especially now that I'm married with my own kids, there's a lot of guilt placed on me with the time I spend with her, holidays split between my in-laws, and most recently she's hinted that my brother and I will need to help her financially in the future. How do I create healthy boundaries with my time and also finances? So you're saying she's placing a lot of guilt on you. She's a travel agent for guilt trips.

Definitely, yes. I've never heard that line. That's fantastic. All right. Wow. Go ahead, yes. I've never heard that line. That's fantastic. All right. Wow. Go ahead, David. No, you're up, baby. You're up. This is your own deck here.

Swing. So I'm going to give you some hard wisdom. Is that cool? How honest can I be with you, Shannon? Yes. Be as honest as you want to be. So the truth is your mom doesn't get a vote. And that's not an ugly thing or a mean thing.

That is you get to decide whether she hurts your feelings and you don't have to carry that burden that she's carried for a long time. Now, that doesn't mean that you don't love her. That doesn't mean that you don't make decisions that you're going to be supportive of her to care for her. But at the end of the day, this sounds trite and simple, right? But you get to decide whether you carry those guilt trips around or not. To use Dave's analogy, you get to decide whether you get on that guilt trip plane and go on that vacation or not.

Okay? And so what I would strongly recommend you do, do you have brothers and sisters? I have one brother who lives out of state. Okay. So at some point in the near future, you and brother sit down and have a conversation. You, you do it via zoom. You do it where you can see each other and you have a hard conversation about what the next five years, 10 years, 15 years is going to look like for mom. And that'd be a financial conversation. That might

be a, um, do you know who's the executor of the will conversation? Where's mom going to live? But you and brother get on the same page with how we're going to move forward. And then if mom has an opinion on why are you going to stay with your husbands, with your in-laws for a particular vacation or a particular holiday, then you say thank you for sharing that with me, and we look forward to seeing you at the next holiday. And then again, you get to choose whether you carry that around with or not. And my promise to you is if you get to a place spiritually and emotionally where you can

sit down that guilt trip and know that she's not trying to be ugly to you, she's speaking out of pain, she's speaking out of hurt and loneliness, your relationship with her will improve. You won't feel like guarded when you're having those conversations with her and your entire interaction with her will lighten up. That sounds good to me i want all those things so it's going to just be about setting firm boundaries being intentional and knowing that when she lays something heavy on you she's not doing it to hurt you she's doing it because she's lonely and um and she wants to be with you yeah but i think that if i'm in your shoes, the part of that that is the hardest that you have to control is when John says she doesn't get a vote.

You're going to go, because you love her and because you're a fair and kind person, you're going to spend a reasonable period of time with her and a reasonable period of time with your in-laws. And if she doesn't like that, that's her problem. Follow? Right. That's what he means when he says she doesn't have a vote. That's what he means. She thinks she's got a vote. People that don't do boundaries well think they've got a vote that they don't have

that's that's what he's saying and it's like um right you know you don't get to tell me in your mind this is what you say you would never be this mean but you don't get to decide where we're going to thanksgiving and so uh you know and in your mind that's what you're saying but all you know on the outside you're kinder and you just say uh mom we're going to do thanksgiving with you next year this year we're doing it with them and um you know and if she wants to pout or she wants to have a little fit or whatever then that's all on her and you can expect some of that by the way because people who don't do boundaries well, when you do put up a boundary,

their first reactions are not usually positive. They get mad. They get their little feelings, and they roll their eyes. They do all the little signals, right? Does any of this sound familiar? Yeah, very familiar the last 17 years of my life. Well, and then you show up to Thanksgiving with your in-laws, and you bring some of that baggage with you, so you're not fully present at that Thanksgiving,

right? So it's a little bit of a downer, because, yeah, I feel guilty. And so you're never able to be fully anywhere. And so by setting it down, by making the choice to, I'm not going to carry that with me, then you get to be fully there at Thanksgiving. Your in-laws will benefit from that, your kids and your husband. Y'all have a great time there. And then when you're there at Christmas, you're fully there

with your mom at Christmas too. And everybody wins in that situation. But Dave said, expect some resistance, but your heart will be lighter and your heart will be more full. And the more present you are when you are there. And John, is it accurate to say the more you practice it, the better you'll get at it? 000 million percent yes i mean it's like you build your boundary muscle and you go okay that doesn't get in here that stays out there that dog doesn't get in the yard he stays outside the fence and you let your husband know um i'm feeling a little bit guilty today and then give him permission to say she doesn't get a vote yeah and you say okay good you're on the same team with him too yeah yeah you kind of talk this stuff through and and set that up uh and and the other thing is this with with the situation that um

your family's been through she's been scratching and clawing and grinding and scraping to get by to hold on to raise kids as a single mom a young widow uh as you described her and so um this is not an unusual reaction she loves you she just doesn't have the words to say it yeah yeah and then and what she she well all people who violate boundaries have a sense of entitlement she feels entitled to pieces of your life that she's not right just because she had you you know um and that that's just not and so it's like an employer trying to you know be toxic over an employee uh you're not entitled to do that those people are entitled to their standalone dignity and the ones that set boundaries leave a toxic environment then they don't stay shannon one thing that we've done with success in my house is we plan that stuff early.

So my family knows way in advance, maybe by June or July, where we're going for Thanksgiving and where we're going for Christmas. So it's not a surprise. And our different sets of parents don't start imagining what Thanksgiving is going to look like or Christmas. Once that picture gets in your head, then it becomes a loss. And so the earlier you can tell them, hey, here's what we're going to do this year for the holidays the better people can start planning around their schedules around their hearts and their pictures of what the holidays

are going to look like you know that's interesting i didn't realize but that's what we've done because with our grown kids we said um and all of them married obviously uh we we just said uh we're not those parents so we get to see the babies all the time and i work with them right all the time so um you know if you're going to go to another city and see your mom and dad the other mom and dad that's cool i mean they're my co-grandparents so hey we're on the same team that's if and if you can have that same mindset that's that's remarkable and i've got because i've got the advantage i mean they're all right here. But what happens is people – If they're not at our house on Thanksgiving Day, we can cook a turkey another time. But if you or Sharon has a picture of Thanksgiving with everybody around it and it gets ripped out of there?

Sharon probably already knows right now where they're all going to be on Thanksgiving. I don't. But, I mean, she's probably got – we've talked about it a lot. I didn't even realize that we did that until you said that. That's a good plan for everybody. because even families that do it well, the further out you talk about it, it makes it easier. Because that way you're not mourning the loss of the picture too, right? And you just can say, oh, I'm sad.

They're not going to be there. But it saves a lot of grief and grieving. And by the way, that's a great question. We're getting questions all over the country. I want to remind listeners to email me at askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com. We are ramping up. I'm in radio school here. James Childs and Kelly are helping me begin to build a podcast,

build a show, what that looks like, and we're taking calls every week. So askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com. Send those questions in. They're great. Good idea. Good stuff. Thanks for hanging out today. Hey, thank you for letting me join you.

Hope you have a great weekend with the family. You too. Good job. Thanks for hanging out today. Hey, thank you for letting me join you. Hope you have a great weekend with the family. You too. Good job. James Childs and Kelly Daniel, thanks for being in the booth and taking care of business in there. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show and the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. one of the top four most popular podcasts last year. To get your daily dose of motivation and inspiration from the Ramsey Network,

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