The Ramsey Show - App - I Lied to My Wife About Money… (Hour 3)

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

What up, what up? This is John, joined by my good friend George Camel, and this is the Ramsey Show, talking to you about your money, and your life, and and your relationships and whatever you got going on. And this show is for you, and it's about you. If you want to be on, give us a buzz, 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. We are taking your calls right now, and we're going to, I don't know, tell you what we think, George.

That's about all we can do at the end of the day. It doesn't cost you anything. What else are you doing? Let's go out to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and talk to the great and wonderful Julie. Hey, Julie, what's up? Hey, there's a couple of things that are up in the air. We got you.

A little background. I'm a widow, and I have three young daughters, and I have been blessed to find an amazing man that is getting ready to be added into our family as my husband and also an amazing father figure to my girls. The thing that is, yes, so there's been many blessings that come out of it. However, the homes that we have, his home and my home, they're in different states, very close to each other, but they just do not suit our family's needs. I have been debt-free since 2015. I own rental properties. They're all cash flowing debt-free, and so is my home. He still has a mortgage, and his home is valued at $375,000, and he currently owes $123,000 on it. Um, because neither of the homes work for our new family situation, he would like to, because,

um, we're getting to that age where we definitely know how to do everything from the roof to the foundation and everything in between, but we're getting tired. And he says, we don't want something that we have to fix on all the time because we do have the rental properties. So he had started listening to some Dave Ramsey things because I'm trying to foster that into our marriage so that we can be financially successful together. But he said, well, Dave doesn't say that it's a bad thing to have a mortgage. And I said, it's not a bad thing to have a mortgage, but if we did some remodeling to this house here that is debt-free, which would cost about $80,000, we would be debt-free. And with the income that we have coming in annually, we're making on average, he's commission-based. And obviously I have tenants that come and go for whatever reason. So we're pulling about $216,000 a year.

So, Julie, this conversation is not about a mortgage at all. Okay. You know that, right? Here's the conversation. I won't be silly and coy. We don't have five hours to unpack it. This isn't about Dave Ramsey and this isn't about a partridge in a pear tree. This is about you sitting down and saying, we're about to be married and we need to be on the same page about this. I can't breathe if I owe somebody money

and life happens because it happened to me yes i don't want to bring any debt into this marriage yeah and that's the conversation you got to have okay and then everything next solves to create a life of debt freedom every decision and that might mean well he's going to sell his place i'm going to sell rental property so that we can buy this new place in cash. There's going to be hard decisions on every side, but you guys have to be aligned on that. How old are your daughters? Yes. So they are 11, 9, and 8, and all about to age up in a month or two.

Okay. So I was going to say, if they were 18, 15, and 17, you can get through a couple of years, but you've still got another 10 years of... I've still got a lot of raising to do, yes. Yeah, you've get through a couple of years, but you still got another 10 years of... I still got a lot of raising to do, yeah. Yeah, you got a decade left. So yeah, you only get a place that works for your family. Julie, A, y'all are super blessed financially. You have been very wise and stewarded your money well. He's not, I mean, he's got 250 grand in equity in his place, so nobody's starving here, right? We're not, and would it be wise to sell my home and sell his home and find something in that budget range?

But when I look at that, most of the homes that are within that range, just because we are right now in the real estate world, are still things that need fixing, whether it be windows or an HVAC system or, you know what I mean? They're light repairs. So let's play it out where you don't keep, you know, you're not playing Monopoly. We don't need to keep 17 properties to win the game. So let's say he sold his place. He has 250 in equity. You sold your place. What is it worth? 318. Okay. So let's call it 300. That's 550. Do you have any money saved outside of the emergency fund? Either of you? We do. Those have drastically went down because he's been out of work since November, and I recently had a family member that passed from cancer. So our emergency

fund currently right now is collectively $13,000. Why has he not worked since November? He had an amputation. Okay. But thank God he does have insurance that's carrying him through that. So that was. But he's dwindling down his emergency fund. Yes. You just said y'all make 216 together.

Yes. He's been off since November. He's still hired through that company. It's just he's been off since November. He's still hired through that company. It's just he's been off with that injury. But they're still paying him? Yes. Full salary or what? No, it's through his, he has a policy.

A disability. A policy that has kicked in. Okay. Yeah. And so he's not able to work like DoorDash or any of that stuff because then those benefits would go away. When will he go back to work full-time? We are hoping he has to have a revisit of the surgery.

So what the doctors are telling us is it could be eight to ten weeks. So is the remodel making the house ADA accessible? Mine is. This is not in his high steps, and that was another reason, but I just didn't feel that it was suitable for us because, God forbid, if something happened again due to diabetes, because it could. Could you sell your least favorite rental property on top of selling these two and then pay cash for the next one?

I could, and that's what I wanted to see. Is that a smart thing to do to give up those assets that are completely debt-free and cash-full? It's smarter than borrowing money. Which is going to add anxiety to your life. And it's one less thing to fool with and hassle with.

And if you want more real estate later, save up and pay cash. You got no mortgage payment. Yeah, that's what I did before. You make over $200,000. I'm not scared about that scenario. Yeah, here's what I do know. How long ago did your first husband pass away? He passed away, it's been five years now.

Five years, okay. How long have you been together with this guy? We're coming up on two. Two years, okay. However you think you've got it drawn up, you have some, when they pronounce you Mr. and Mrs., you're going to enter into an angsty season. Yes, and that's why I don't want him to make any money moves until it's official. Because at the end of the day, my children above all, that's why I don't want them to make any money moves until it's official. Because at the end of the day, my children, above all, that's my main scope.

Well, but listen, I don't want you to make any right after either. Okay. Okay? I want you to slow down, get married, figure it out for six months or a year. Then you'll really know what you can and can't live with. But I want y'all to have as much peace as possible with the knowns before you start buying a house and trying to move into that and be married and blend a family and all of that stuff. It's just going to be messy. Go one step at a time. And if y'all don't have term life in place, get it today. That's going to give you so much peace of mind.

This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by George Camel. All right, today's question of the day comes from Will in Nashville. He says, I love smashing pumpkins and Paul Reed Smith guitars. Is there something wrong with me? I think there's only one answer to that, John. Absolutely, yeah. Yes, yes.

No, as Will, he's the best guitarist I know, and I look up to him John absolutely yeah yes yes no I as Will he's the best guitarist I know and I look up to him and he's out there running the board it's good to see you William that's John trolling the actual question comes from Adam in Manitoba

he said my wife and I moved to Canada a year ago we didn't pay rent for the first six months and bring home uh seven grand a month we made an agreement

to separate our finances and my responsibility was to save money for a new car. I didn't pay attention to my expenses and saved nothing. I lied to my wife about the amount I had saved and pretended everything was okay. After I started listening to your show, I've decided to tell her the truth. I feel like I've totally destroyed her trust in me and our future. How can I save my marriage and get trust back? I usually tell people that your feelings don't tell you the truth. But in this case, Adam, your feelings are telling you the truth.

You did destroy her trust in you and her trust in your future. 100% you did. George, this whole situation is a mess. Well, it started with we made an agreement to separate our finances. No, it started with we moved to Canada. That's true. I wasn't going to go there. I love my friends in Canada.

I know. I do, too. Sweet people. All right. So we moved to Canada, and we didn't pay rent for the first six months. And they make seven grand a month, and they said, all right, you do you. I do me. Here's my job.

I'm going to save up for the new car. You go do this. And then he didn't do any of it, Which is one reason we tell people to combine finances, because it creates trust and accountability and transparency and unity. You know, all the things that make a marriage great. But instead, he went, you know, I got it, I got it, I got it, and then didn't, and then had a shame spiral, and then could not tell her the truth that he had zero dollars saved, which also begs the question, where the crap did that money go adam what did you spend it on yeah because you're gonna also have to tell her that part yes and that might be the hardest part

of all it's when you realize you've painted a wall with a lie and you start wallpapering over that lie with other lies and all of a sudden you are in a pretty thick padded room here with nowhere to go. Here's your path forward, Adam. You tell her we have to have a hard conversation and I made some huge mistakes and I need to be honest with you. And then you take a pause and she's going to want to say, tell me right now what happened? Say, this is not the time for that. We're going to go, we're going to meet in 30 minutes at a restaurant we're going to meet in 30 minutes in a park in a neutral location um or somewhere in the living room where you have where you don't normally have hard conversations we need to change the environment for this one because this is a before and after conversation your marriage if it survives this will be different. And George's question that he raised is key.

If this happens to me, after I get over the initial shock, I'm going to ask what happened to, what is it? $3,500 times six months. Where is that money? And is it in food? Is it in gambling? Is it in guitars? What is that money? Where is it in food? Is it in gambling? Is it in guitars? Like what is that money? Where is it? Can you get any of it back? Is it gone? All those questions. You better have answers for those as you sit there. And here's another key, George. Adam is never going to use the word you. Every

word, every sentence is going to start with, I did this. Here's what I did. And if you had, we're not going to do any of that. I lied to you. I've been deceiving you for months and I'm coming clean because you deserve better. Here's what I have done. And I'm going to lay it out. And there is no path forward other than the path of honesty, or it's going to make this thing bigger and bigger and bigger. And how do you rebuild that trust? Well, it's going to take time. It takes a moment to destroy it, but then it takes this pattern of being trustworthy where you've proven, hey, you know what? I put a thousand bucks away. We've combined the bank accounts. You have full transparency. You have a vote. I have a vote. That's what's going to create that over time. But she has to

see that you're actually never going to do this again. So I often tell couples, George, when this situation happens, any sort of trust violation, the other person who you're asking, hey, I've hurt you and I've lied to you and I violated your trust. I need you to trust me again. They get to dictate for a season the parameters for what trust rebuilding is going to look like. If X, Y, Z happens, then on the other side of this will be more trust. I get to see your phone every day.

Here it is. I want to track your phone. Here it is. We're going to do an every dollar budget every day. Every day. Here you go. Right? You will not carry a debit card for 60 days, like whatever.

We're going to take the internet out of the house. If you're struggling with pornography, I don't care what it is. The other person gets to set what's going to take the internet out of the house. If you're struggling pornography, I don't care what it is. The other person gets to set the, what's going to make them feel safe. And then we're going to slowly work, work that thing back. And that's going to be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. Well, you and Rachel have been diving into this issue of money and marriage that are inextricably tied. And we've got another event coming up this fall that while there may be some heavy things that come out of that, it's a really, really fun weekend. It's the funnest weekend of the year.

And here's the bad news is the fall money marriage is sold out. In October here in Nashville, it is sold out. The rad news is we added another money marriage retreat weekend. And this time we decided to hit it on the nose and it's going to be Valentine's Day 2025. Perfect. We have rescued you, America, from having to think about what to get going to be Valentine's Day 2025. Perfect. We have rescued you, America, from having to think about what to get your spouse for Valentine's Day. Guys, this is your ticket to freedom. Come to Nashville. Money Marriage is one of our most popular events. It's a weekend in

Nashville. You and your spouse get away from life's madness and you can focus on your marriage. Two and a half days, me and rachel we have expert teachings about communication sex strengthening your emotional connection get on the same page with money all the stuff that we don't talk about anymore in our culture we just get in a giant room and have fun and talk about it and to say we go there it goes it goes there's stuff at this event that i'm like i'm not sure i should be in the room this is pg-13 yeah george actually had to walk out he felt uncomfortable you get to ask me and Rachel real questions if you come to Nashville and don't get your question answer it's going to be because you didn't ask it um lots of time for you to connect with me and Rachel and George I think you'll be

there um there's something like we've got all kind of people there and it's Nashville so you never know who's going to show up in some of the sessions. And we throw a pretty wild, wild date night. Our live events team puts on experiences that are way beyond the stage content. That's kind of the part you really remember. Yeah. Remember we did that dance?

They threw a prom last year. We're not as awkward as we used to be. But it was a super it was one of the most amazing under the sea proms in every cringe way possible, which made it so amazing. Tickets start at 699 bucks. Get yours while early bird pricing

is still happening. It's insane. That's per couple. Yeah. So not per ticket, per couple. Per couple. That's right.

That's great. And it's half the price of other marriage retreats. So it's a good deal. And you can save up to 350 bucks right now. If you want a VIP level ticket, they may be already sold out. If they haven't out get them go right now man because they go so fast

february 13th through 15th 2025 go to ramsay solutions.com slash events now george um i have to ask you this question oh i saw you and I saw you and Whitney snuck in last year at the back of the Money in Marriage and y'all were taking feverish notes. That is so true, John. I can't believe you saw us from all the way from the stage. All the way from the stage. I was like, is that George and Whitney?

No, I did make the mistake of having my wife walk out with our baby because I thought this would be a great ending to my budgeting talk. And I forgot that babies can't hold up their heads. And so I tried to do the Lion King thing. So I took the baby from Whitney. I held the baby up and her head just went straight back.

And it was a collective gas. Yes. We're still recovering from that at the Campbell household. I like how you gave a universal we there when it's your daughter that had the whiplash. It's Whitney. No, Whitney had nothing to do with this, but it really was a great time. I told Whitney, I was like, we just need to attend next year like I'll probably be there speaking about something but I want you to be there the whole time with me because the content is that rich and you really can't find it anywhere else I'll also

say this um last year there was a surprise where my wife and Rachel Cruz's husband joined us on stage incredible and it got off the rails uh my wife was disclosing some things that i was not prepared for her to say publicly and same with winston and i think they're scheduled to be back and then some so it's gonna be a fun i feel like this is just gonna be a tell-all on rachel and john well the thing is is that rachel and i are pretty open about what's going on anyway but then your spouses tell the truth. My wife was like, yeah, hold my beer. I'll tell you she doesn't even drink. And she was like, yeah. Sheila's entire existence is, actually,

here's what actually happened. Here's the other side of the story, John. I remember talking about, yeah, that one time we had to decide, are we still going to stay married? And she was like, we've had that conversation like five times. And I was like, oh, okay, we're going to tell all of it now. That sounds cool february

13th through 15th 2025 budget for it make plans mark it on the calendar and buy your tickets dudes she's gonna love it this is the ramsey show welcome back this is the ramsey show i'm john deloney joined by george campbell hey guys selling the house the Ramsey way makes home ownership a blessing instead of a burden. We get a lot of calls about home ownership on the show. It can be stressful. And if you're not working with a pro, there's a good chance you're going to make a mistake. And that's why we have the Ramsey Trusted Program. It's the only way to find an agent you can trust who can keep you on track with what we teach here at Ramsey and get

the best offer on your house or find the right house for you, whether you're on the buying side or the selling side. So we'll send you some of the top agents in your area that we trust. Our team vets them. You can review their stats, interview them, and you decide which one you want to work with. These Ramsey trusted agents have years of experience. They're pros.

They don't do this part time on the weekends. They didn't just get their license. They are go-getters. They're going to help you make wise decisions when it comes to pricing and marketing and making or choosing the right offer. So head to ramseysolutions.com slash agent, and you can find a Ramsey Trusted Real Estate agent for free. That's ramseysolutions.com slash agent.

All right, let's go out to a Harvard bar in Boston, Massachusetts and talk to Kat. Hey, Kat, what's up? Hey, how are you guys doing? You're doing Boston, Massachusetts and talk to Kat. Hey Kat, what's up? Hey, how are you guys doing? I'm sorry, Kat. You deserve better than that accent. I have a question and a suggestion. Which would you like first? Ooh, I think suggestion is just more intriguing. I need to know the suggestion. What is it? Okay. I keep hearing you advertise the marriage and money event you know I really think you should host a single and mingling event maybe like an online hey we've 100% already the the ball's all already rolling on that one Kat oh really do you want an invite listen I give the I do I and I give the producers permission to give my phone number out to anyone in my age range.

I'm going to 100% assure you, Kat, you do not want that. But how about this, Kat? There's a lot of meth and banjos out there, hon. Reach out to me. I'll give you a free ticket to that event when and if we launch it. How's that? Awesome. Thank you.

It's on us. It's going to end with an actual wedding. I will officiate your wedding at the end. And so if you find love over that 72 hours, you're going to leave with a connected budget. And John said I can be the ring bearer and flower girl. Correct. That's kind of part of it.

It's going to be awesome. All right. Awesome. All right, Kat. Okay. Very nitty-gritty logistical question. I get paid every other week, 26 paychecks a year. What do you advise for budgeting purposes?

I keep starting and kind of getting stuck. Do I just figure 24 paychecks and have the extra two as flush? Do I do 26 divided by 12? And then my second question is for yearly things. Like once a year, I want to spend $1,000 on, you know, family photo. Do I just put money, you know, every month towards that? For a family photo? Yeah.

Is this like 300 bucks? What are we talking? My family's not that good looking. Oh, no, no, no. Pick anything. I don't know. $1,000 every two years for tech upgrades. For a guitar. Gotcha. Gotcha. I heard guitar. That's what I heard. Now we're in John's world. Perfect. not that good looking oh no no no pick anything i don't know a thousand a thousand dollars every two years for tech upgrades for a guitar gotcha gotcha i heard guitar now we're in john's world

perfect i i approve that expenditure john has never gotten his family together all at once smiling it's a very difficult thing to do with shoes on my wife is stunning and my kids are beautiful i i tend to ruin photos so that's good well every year we get a photo taken in the in the photographer's like you know, I'm not even going to charge you for this one because your face, right? All right, so here we go, George. Let's start with the irregular 26 paychecks versus 24 because this is a common conundrum people face that get paid biweekly, meaning if you get one every two weeks is different

than if you get paid twice a month, as you know. So here's what you need to focus on. You're going to get at least two paychecks a month, right? Right. So focus on the upcoming two-week period. So let's say you get paid on the 10th and the 24th. Well, that 24th check has to float you until the next check that comes in on the 6th. And so what you need to do in your budget is look at all of your expenses and when they're going to actually debit from your account and make sure that you have enough money now every dollar makes this easy with their paycheck planning tool so i'm going to gift you the premium version that has that feature that's going to really help with that but all you need to do is focus on upcoming two-week period to make sure that you can cover the remaining expenses until the next check

and like you mentioned if you have three payche, look at the upcoming month's expenses and whatever's left after covering those expenses, anything extra can go toward your next baby step goal. Okay. Now, if you can learn to just live off of the two checks a month, then the third one becomes, it feels like a bonus emotionally. And so learn to live on less than you make and throw that as a quote bonus toward your financial goal. Sounds good. And as far as the sinking funds you mentioned, hey, I got a $300 family photo thing coming up this fall. You can set up a sinking fund and move, you know, we're going to move $30 a month for 10 months to pay for the $300 expense. Some people like to do it that way. Some people just know what's coming up

and they adjust other expenses so they know, hey, I got to put away $300. If it's more than you can stomach out of a single paycheck, I would set up a sinking fund. That's going to make it easier for you and less stressful and it's not going to throw you off when that expense comes. All right, Kat.

That was Nerdville. I heard you go, okay, and you lost him. It was not satisfactory to Kat. No, it was great. Where did you lose him? No, I'm on board. I just keep starting. I've tried not the premium version of the app, but I've tried different apps.

You haven't tried every dollar? I have, not the premium version. So thank you for that subscription. Yes, your bank transactions will come in, so you can just drag, not the premium version. Okay. So thank you for that subscription. Yes, your bank transactions will come in, so you can just drag them to the right category. The paycheck planning tool is going to really help you figure out, do you have a risk of overspending because you have too many bills that are hitting before the next paycheck? So hang on the line, and Kelly's going to pick up. We're going to gift you a year of every dollar premium to help with that, and you call us

back if we have any questions. And best of luck on your journey to finding a mate. Man, you took that sideways, George. And Kat, one more thing. I think you know as well as we do, this is less about which category the money goes in and that extra check. And it's more, you just have to bite the bullet and do this for 90 days, for three months. Just grit your teeth and budget for 90 days. And you're going to find it gets easier and easier as you walk that path. But if you keep getting on and then quitting and then, oh, a thing came and I just quit,

it's always going to feel like you're just getting jerked around. That's true. All right, let's roll out to Buffalo, New York. As a Houston Oilers fan, the Buffalo Bills ruined my childhood, but I'm glad to talk to Ryan. What's up, Ryan? Hey, Dr. John. How you doing?

Good, man. What's up? Well, I got a question. I'm 35. I just started the Baby Steps back in December. I've had the book for a long time. They told them when to make over and found it. So I'm doing the book for a long time. They told him when he make over and found it. So I'm you know, doing the baby steps and everything. And you know,

so I'm going gazelle intense already paid off three deaths. I already had, and I'm on my last one, my car. And so I'm legally separated. I got legally separated last year from my wife and I got a three-year-old daughter. And I was just wondering i'm i'm you know i'm now i'm a christian and i'm trying to you know do the right thing and i have a girlfriend who is also a christian we go to church together and everything i'm trying to figure out you know i'm it's going to cost me another two thousand dollars to get the divorce done you know i kind of feel like I'm living in sin

a little bit. So trying to see if it's, you know, I don't want to lose the gazelle intensity, you know, by paying for this divorce. So I'm trying to see. Bro, you're living in a fantasy world, dude. I'm a Christian too. Let's set that aside for a second. You're not dealing with reality. Your marriage is over. And did you pull the trigger or did she? She did, but it was mutual. It was, you know, it had mutual aspects to it. It's not, I'm not holding on to anything. Do you know what I mean?

You are because you haven't spent the $2,000 to end this marriage. And you've already started dating somebody else. Right. So it's not a matter of like, I don't want to lose my gazelle intensity. Bro, you are in the jaws of the lion right now. Right. Okay. And you knew that.

Yeah. Whether it's two grand or 200 bucks, I think there's a lot of emotions and pain underneath this. Yeah. What's the situation with your daughter? I have custody half and half with her. How much money do you have in the bank? Altogether liquid probably well, I got $1,500 in my emergency fund.

I got $1,400 set aside for actual, for doing the divorce. So I have money set aside for actual, for doing the divorce. So I have money set aside for it. It's just... Do it on Monday. Pay the $2,000 and be done. And then move on with your last debt.

Be done. And then be done. And by the way, since this was mutual, no complaining, no whining, this is what you signed up for. For whatever reason, this is what you signed up for. See it all the way through, do it the right way, get the right paperwork, and then move on with your life. This is The Ramsey Show. Today's scripture of the day is Romans 12 9. Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil and hold fast to what is good.

The great Bob Marley says, Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress. That's why I spend time with you, George. You make me happy. Three hours a day keeps the doctor away. I don't feel like I have to impress you because I can't. Too bad because I'm impressed. Oh, I like that.

That was a good one. All right, let's go out to the 512 Austin, Texas and talk to Jennifer. Hey, Jennifer, what's up? Hi, thank you so much for taking my call. I really appreciate it. You got it. Thanks for calling. What's going on?

Okay, so I have a question that is a moral and a financial dilemma. All right, bring it on. Sorry, I'm already getting emotional. Do me a huge favor. Take a humongous deep breath and hold it for a count of three, okay? Okay. One, two, all right, let it out. Drop your shoulders all the way down. Thank you.

Okay, thank you. All right, same team. I just found all of you guys about three weeks ago, so I'm so, so, so very grateful. Yes, we're glad you're with us. We'll send you the Kool-Aid in the mail, and you can drink it later on. I'm drinking all the Kool-Aid already. Perfect, perfect. Okay, so my question is regarding what my responsibility is to my mother.

I'm 60. I used to have a lot of success in my life. I was debt free for like 20 years. And then a lot of things happened and my financial and health situation went downhill. So I'm just finished baby step one. So I'm just finished babysitting. So I don't have the funds to help my mom out right now. And it's killing me. My parents never made any financial plans whatsoever. They spent every penny and more than they ever had. My dad died in 2020. My mom had a little bit of life insurance, but that's gone. She has $2,400 in social security every month, but she won't live in a, I'm going to change her words,

but I'm going to say a dumpy apartment. So they have nothing. There's no home. There's nothing. She just signed or re-signed a lease on her apartment that went up to $2,000 a month. And she doesn't really seem to be too concerned about her financial situation. And I'm spending all day, every day, so anxious. And to the point where I think I'm going to have a heart attack. Hey, Jennifer. Jennifer. Yes. You are.

Stop. Do me a favor. Take both of your hands. And I want you to clench them as tight as you can. Squeeze them real, real tight. Okay? Are you still squeezing them? Yes.

Keep squeezing them? Now open them up. Listen to me carefully. Okay. I'm not going to hear any language about how you're not successful right now. Okay. Because you did pretty good financially, but success is way bigger than a stupid number.

And when you grow up in a house of chaos, often we look for a number to validate that we have some value because we should have got that from our mom and our dad and we didn't. And then whatever happened, you've been to hell and back, but whatever happened took that number away that you had outsourced your value to. And what I'm hearing on the phone right now is an absolute gangster of a 60-year-old who has scratched and clawed her way back. Right? Right?

Yeah, so we're not hearing any more of this talk about i used to be successful nonsense i know a lot of rich people that i wouldn't trade places with for anything and nobody talks to our friend jennifer that way yeah by the way especially jennifer especially jennifer all right here is the fortunate and unfortunate predicament you find yourself in okay okay and i'm going to say this in a really stark way because I don't have a ton of time, but my goal here is not to poke my finger

in your wound. My goal here is to set you free, okay? Please. You don't have any money. Right. Ta-da! Ta-da! Any wish, any desire to help is a fantasy.

Because you've been on your own since you were nine, right? Seven. Seven. Emotionally, yeah. That's right. And so you have no margin. You've got no room to move around. You're 60 years old scratching a claw on your way back.

Yes. I think what you feel, that sense of guilt, you've been carrying your mom's emotional regulation for her entire life and your entire life. And my dad's. And your dad's. And you see the train wreck financially, the math problem that's coming at your mom 100 miles an hour,

and you're trying to solve this one too, and you can't. You've been doing it for 53 years. Can't solve this one. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what my biblical obligation is. What can you do? She's choosing to reject reality. She's rejecting you, yes. And she doesn't care nearly as much as you do.

And you know that. If someone else cares more than you do, you can't help them. Like, if John's morbidly obese and he wants to shove his face with pizzas, and I really want John to be healthy, I can't do anything to fix John. He has to want to fix John. Right, right. I can give him all the supplements in the world and all the workout programs, but if

you did that for your mom, it wouldn't change a thing. And it wouldn't, George would not have a faith-based moral obligation to hit me in the face every time I was going to, you know what I'm saying? Like, we can just keep going down the road with this metaphor, but your mom

has looked at you. Listen, behavior is a language. Your mom has told you, I do not want your financial help. I don't need your financial help. I'm just fine. You do you. Boo. I added that part.

Right? It might get to the point where she goes i can't pay my bills and where she gets stressed out enough to where she decides to move out and find a cheaper apartment or they kick her out or she gets evicted because she stops paying rent because her rent is two grand a month and she makes 2400 a month and so jennifer here's where you can spend your energy wisely okay okay worrying solves nothing i know so listen every time you worry hold on i know it's easy to say i've been there too i'm a chief ruminator i'm pretty good at it i carry something in my bag it's right here under the desk and i carry it with me 24 7 365 and i do this for a living okay when i start spinning out i quickly write down what I'm worried about, and then I make a quick list of what I can control and what I can't.

And often the things I can't control, they break my heart, and I spend time being sad for a minute. And then I get after the things I can't control. Here's what you can control. You know there will come a day when your mom has to move in with you. You know that's coming. Uh-uh. No. Okay.

Or, hold on. Or you know right now, my mom's never moving in with me. Way worse off than I am right now. Okay. She has no boundaries. There you go. Hold on. There you go.

It will kill me. You're free. You're free. Okay? I'm sorry. Don't be. I have a lot of guilt about it. I know you got guilt.

Here's what grief is. Grief is the gap between what I really wanted to happen and what actually has happened. Okay. I'm just sad. You're sad. It's okay. You should be. You shouldn't be this way.

And here we are. So I want you to make that list of the things you can control in this situation. You can be kind to your mom. When she starts talking about money, you can say, hey, mom, I don't want to talk about money. You've made it really clear. You don't want to have this conversation with me. That's fine. You can go through Financial Peace University because George and I are going to send it to you

as our gift. You can get your budget in order and George and I are going to send you a year of the premium version of every dollar. You can read my book, Building a Non-Anxious Life that I'm going to send you for free to give you a roadmap to peace. And you can read George's book, Breaking Free from Broke. So at 60, this never happens again, okay? We're going to give you some resources, and we're going to take care of you. And you call us any time. But by all accounts, faith-based, morally, psychologically, emotionally, you're a great daughter, and you are free.

Take care of you. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you.