The Ramsey Show - App - I “Need” To Buy a New Car (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

Dr. John Delony & Rachel Cruze discuss: What to do when you lose passion for your career, Why you shouldn't finance or lease a car, The bigger marriage issues that often underly money problems, Tiffany Haddish's decision to pay off her house, Setting boundaries without feeling guilty. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

МУЗЫКАЛЬНАЯ ЗАСТАВКА Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money, your life, your relationships, your job, pretty much anything. Here on The Ramsey Show, I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend, best, your job, pretty much anything here on the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend, bestselling author, Rachel Cruz. And we are taking your calls at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Let's go out to Nicole in New Haven, Connecticut. What's up, Nicole? Hi. Can you hear me okay? Absolutely. Can you hear us? Awesome. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Connecticut. What's up, Nicole? Hi, can you hear me okay? Absolutely. Can you hear us? Yeah. Oh yeah, definitely. Oh my God. It's such an honor to talk to you guys. The honor is all ours. What's up? Yes. Um, so, um, I'm having a little bit of analysis paralysis when it comes to my side hustle. I currently do massage therapy as a full-time career. And, um, that usually is about 35 hours of massage. So, um, the thing with that is that I make about 50 to $75 an hour doing that, but I really do need another side gig. And anything else, I start to feel like, oh, my gosh, if I do that job, it takes me six or seven hours to make what I would make in one massage.

But I'm getting incredibly burnt out with my career that I decided was like a passion. And now it's become almost like a burden. And I'm not really sure how to go about a side hustle. Does that make sense? I don't know. Yes. No, it totally does because you want to be able to enjoy what you're doing and still make great money. Because I'm like, you're like, I don't want to sacrifice the financial side.

But you also want to enjoy what you're doing as well. So is there anything else on the horizon that you're thinking of job wise? They're like, man, I would love to do this or that. Is there anything specific career wise that you're passionate about? I mean, down the line, yeah, eventually, I would like to get into more of a counseling, including massage type of like my own business, but I need to get myself a more of a counseling, including massage type of, um, like my own business, but I need to, uh, get myself out of debt before I do that. So, um, but like, I've been looking at other side hustles, like, um, I mean, silly, but like pet washing, you know, you can do that. Um, but those things, you know, they don't make a lot of money. It's like 10, $13 an hour. And

it's, uh, It's like a love. I would love to do that as a side gig, but at the same time, it's like, oh. How much of your salary did you report last year, Nicole? I grossed $60,000. Okay. How much debt do you have? I have about $65,000. Okay.

What was your net take home? So I pretty much take home about $19.50 every two weeks. So almost $4,000 a month. Okay. And I also do massage on the side for my other job. So that's my full-time job. So I have another massage gig, which I thought was going to be my side hustle, but they're not consistent enough. So I know I need to get

something that I have to actually go to and kind of clock in and do so that I know that I'm definitely going to be making a set amount, like whether it's $300 extra week or whatever. So let me pose it to you this way. And then I know Rachel's, she's demonstrated an earlier hour. She's infinitely smarter than me coming up with a path here. So you've, you've been around our gang a little bit.

So you've, you've heard about gazelle intensity, right? Yeah. And the idea being that gazelle is running to not die right that gazelle is running from a lion that's trying to kill it and eat it and the gazelle is going to run maniacally away from this thing what that gazelle is not going to do is go oh my gosh there's a lion a cheetah or a cheetah this path is um let's let's look for a smoother path.

Hang on, cheetah. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Let's look for, okay, this path was fast for a minute, but then I got to go over there and the grass is tall. That gazelle is just going to run. Right.

That gazelle is going to run towards a goal and the goal is not dying, right? Your goal is going to be to get out of debt so that you can actually get on with your life doing what you really want to run. Gazelle's going to run towards a goal and the goal is not dying, right? Your goal is going to be to get out of debt so that you can actually get on with your life doing what you really want to do and you can make real good money doing it. Is that fair? That's completely fair. In fact, I feel like I'm in quicksand. Yes. So what if you put a star on the calendar 24 months from now and said, I will have paid off all of my debt by 24 months. What do I have to either A, earn collectively, and you can do death by BB gun, right? 300 bucks here and 25 bucks here and 75 bucks here feels insulting until you look up in a month and you've knocked out 500 extra dollars. And then you've looked at, right? So it starts to snowball in itself. Or what can I cut

out of my life? That's really the only two things you can do, right? But the goal here is I'm going to be away from this cheetah. I'm going to be safe in 24 months, whatever it takes. Big jobs, little jobs, small jobs, not shopping, not eating at restaurants, selling the car, like whatever I've got to do, right? It's a much different way of looking at it than, well, I make this much here, and also I make this much here. I'm tired. All that makes sense, and I do the same thing.

We do it with speaking gigs, right? We do some gigs here, and they offer X, and some offer Y. If they just offered Y, that's fantastic, but if I compare it to X, it feels like, man, I'm getting ripped off. I'm not getting ripped off at all. It's all a blessing, right? It just depends on what my goal is at the end of the day. Does that make sense? Completely.

I think, yeah, thank you very much. I knew that sort of reiteration because that's what I've been thinking. And unfortunately, I share things with people. And like all of my friends and family, they're all incredibly normal. And so they come at me and they're like, oh, no, you know, just do more massage. Or, you know, they don't, they're not actually helping because they're just like, oh, we'll just get another credit card. It's fine. You'll be fine. Yeah. And they're incredibly broke and they're incredibly exhausted and their marriages are incredibly on thin ice and all that stuff, right? Yeah,

yeah. So I would just plan out and if I'm a unicorn, I'm like, okay, I have two years, two years. And if that means I'm going to get more per hour on, you know, doing the massage versus the dog washing, I'm going to pick the massage. Even if I feel like I'm getting burned out, like I'm going to do what I can to get the most money as possible as quickly as possible. Because we're running for our life.

Because we're running. And if there's a day that's down and I can get on an app and walk a dog on Rover, I'm going to sign myself up. I'm going to do it, right? Like it's, you're kind of plugging in where you can, just like John was saying, to get as much as possible. And it's going to be exhausting and it's going to be tiring and you're going to do things.

You're like, I hate this. But it's also going to motivate you to be like, I'm going to do more of this because I hate it because I hate this debt so much and I'm so pissed at it and I want it out. I want it done. So let that be the motivator too. And it's not forever.

It's not forever. That's the other thing is you can go back and enjoy life again in two years. Remember this, Nicole. I've got a lot of friends who I love. Like I love it. I just love being around strange people and fun people and bonkers. Like I've got some of the greatest friends on planet earth. They would do whatever.

I mean, they would be here in a heartbeat to help me. But they don't get a vote on how I spend my money. They don't get a vote on how I live my life or what I think peace looks like. There's a few people in my life that I've given that vote to. And so you've got a group of people in your life that you love, that you care about, but they don't give good money advice and they don't give good life advice and they don't give good peace advice. So love them, hang out with them, share a drink with them, have some nachos, but they don't get to speak in your life about money because you have hit the road. You are running as fast as you can. And in 18, 24 months, we're going to be completely done with this nonsense, whatever it takes. And then you are going to be free. And then you're going to be explaining to them what

financial peace actually feels like. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Eric in Philadelphia. What's up, Eric? Hi, how are you? Outstanding, brother. How are you? John and Rachel.

Great. Good deal. My question is, I have a car that broke down recently, and I don't have cash. I'm really like on baby step one, and I don't have cash. I'm really like on baby step one. I don't have the cash to fix it. And they said the transmission and the engine both need to be replaced. And it would be like $9,000.

Whoa, that sounds like a dead car, my brother. Yes. So I have two options. One would be to lease something because my credit is pretty good. I've been putting things, trying to put money aside, but I've been paying down my debt all along, keeping the car going. But now it's like it might be too expensive. So should I finance something or should I lease something for like under 100 bucks a month or or option three finance something uh oh there's an option three there could be an option three

okay there's a bunch of other options lots of options here okay so remind me you what do you have saved in the bank right now? Zero. I'm like on baby step one trying to get to the $1,000 point. You're trying to get to the $1,000 point, okay. But you're saying you're paying down debt, or do you mean you are just paying minimal payments and staying current? Yes, that's correct. Okay, so you're staying current on everything.

And when you do your budget, at the end of the month, you have nothing. Is that what you're saying? Basically, like every dollar is being... And I'm working. I make about $75,000 a year, and I work a lot of overtime. What's happening then? Because there's a gap between what you're making and what you have every month. Where's it going? Well, I'm about $102,000 in debt.

What kind of debt? Credit cards, student loans, personal loans, those sorts of things. Okay. And that's what they told her. And I'm on a budget, and so I've been trying to figure out. Unfortunately, my wife isn't on board with me, but I've been doing this for a little over a year now and trying to get ahead, stay afloat.

But unfortunately, and I've also put a little bit of money into the car along the way. Well, well you had, you had to do that. Hold on, Eric. Hold on. You were trying to, you're trying to drive a race car with the parking brake on. Okay. Okay.

You're trying hard. I could hear it, man. You don't, you sound, you sound tired. Are you tired? Yes, I am. You sound like not even tired you sound exhausted exhausted because your wife won't get on board with you exhausted because you got all this debt and you can't breathe exhausted that you are working way too hard to be this broke and there's that embarrassment moment how old are you oh I'm 54. Yeah, there's that moment when you think like, dude, I make $75,000 plus overtime

and I literally can't go get a car. Is that where this is? You feel that shame that's just piling up around? You know what I mean? Yes. Rachel's going to walk you through this, but you've got to say, dude, I'm ready just to do it

completely different. Are you there yet? Because if not, man, you're just going to walk you through this, but you've got to say, I'm ready just to do it completely different. Mm-hmm. Are you there yet? Because if not, man, you're just going to tread water, and you're just going to keep treading water, and you're going to look up, and you're going to owe $130,000. You're going to owe $150,000. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm pushing forward trying not to do that, but I'm doing a lot of it on my own because my wife's not on board. Why won't she be on board with you um she thinks that I should uh just make more money and that's okay so and I've been

pressing along to uh uh try to to win her over try to get her to understand but she just won't. Does she work? I work a lot of overtime. Yes, she does. We make roughly about the same amount. So you have a total household income of gosh, $150,000, $175,000? Yes.

More like $200,000. Man, you realize you could be debt-free in 18 months? Yes. If I could get her on board, yes, I do. Okay, have you gone to her? Here's what we hear a lot, and you can tell me if I'm wrong. We hear people say, hey, honey, I've got this plan that we can get out of debt.

And then they call and wonder why that didn't work. Have you sat down with your wife and taken her out to dinner or I love going to breakfast because the sun is shining. It's in the morning. Have you sat down and said, honey, I'm scared to death and I can't do this anymore. I'm scared that we are one heart attack,

one twisted ankle, one knee injury, one, one thing, car issue, one car issue. And if we will just change our life for 18 months, we're talking about the back half of our lives being a totally different experience.

Have you sat down with her that way? No, I have not. I'd get her to go out with me, but I have not. But if I could get her to go out with me and do this, it would probably, she may consider it, but I think she believes that you shouldn't have to sacrifice. You should, you know. She's sacrificing her husband. You can't keep doing this, my brother. You're about to die. You're one of the guys that their wife calls in because their husband just dropped dead from a heart attack because he couldn't, he had an elephant on his chest for 15, 20, 30, 40 years. Right?

Right. You are swimming as hard as Michael Phelps, man, and you're going nowhere because you're attached to the buoy in the middle of the lake, man. So you said you think you can get your wife to go out with you? I think I can try. You don't think she'll just go to dinner with you?

If she won't go to dinner with you, you've got bigger marriage issues, my man. Yeah, that might be the case. Yeah, and that's, Eric, I mean, that's what we find so much is that when you get down to it and realizing, okay, so why is this not working? It's like, oh, okay, well, that's what we find so much is that when you get down to it and realizing, okay, so why is this not working?

And it's like, oh, okay, well, there's another person, part of the equation that's not working the plan. So you're digging out a hole and the bottom keeps sinking in lower and lower and lower. And so it's just like, it's not, it really, I mean, I don't want to sound hopeless for you, Eric, but it really, really is hard for this plan to work. It's impossible. Both people are on board and you're experiencing it like you're telling us that and we're we're hearing it and so

um and so out of that even listening to you talk about your wife and stuff i'm like that money is just a tool right the end game of life is not just to go and just pile up a bunch of money that's not the that's something but what money does in our life affects everything. When it's not handled properly, it affects us emotionally. It affects us relationally. It affects our mental health. It affects our sleep at night. It affects so much. like amplify our lives we can actually give to other people that need it we can save it for our future we can do all of these things and we're going to use it as a tool to create a life that that we want like that that's what it's there for and so that's what i would say is now starting to expose even you and your wife because you guys aren't even y'all aren't dreaming together you're not looking at the future together you're not even even eating together, my man. Yeah, so that, so I, Eric, before the money stuff

is solved, the marriage stuff needs to be talked about too. So I think... Yeah, this one's hard moments. Do you want to stay married? Y'all are there. If you're wondering if you can talk her into going to dinner with you or going to breakfast with you, there are

way bigger issues than your money right now. How long have y'all been married? I should put that on hold. 27-odd years. No, you shouldn't put it on hold. No, it's all together. Because we actually find, too, that when you start working together financially, it actually helps your marriage.

That's right, because you're working on a common mission together. You actually start to say, oh, wow, we're communicating for the first time in two decades about my fears and about my dreams and what I want to do and and what where i want to go on vacation like it starts opening up these conversations so you can actually use money as a pathway to start communicating in your marriage again so that's where i would start eric but to answer your original question of why you called in because you don't have a car no we would not lease a car i would not go go into more debts. No, no, no. And if that means you guys having one car for three months until you put some cash away and sell stuff, work extra, just Uber wherever you got to go the next month. I

don't care. Save up two grand and go buy a beater if you have to like that. That's what it is. Do not go into more debt, Eric. This has to stop at some point. This has to stop at some point. It needs to be now. And you and your wife get together. I mean, God, man, go to therapy. Yeah. Today. with the rising cost of everything these days a lot of people are worried if they're going to just have enough money in their bank accounts to get through the month. But the good news is no matter where you are with money today and no matter the state of the economy, you can get on a path to build wealth. And at our Building Wealth live events,

you're going to learn simple common sense principles around building real lasting wealth. So our Building Wealth tour, it's been blowing up, guys i mean it's amazing there's two nights that already completely san antonio's gone out they were like down to six tickets yesterday oh really so they may be sold out okay so don't wait get your tickets now so we have um so phoenix september 13th is sold out so we added an additional night so phoenix september 12th the night before we'll be there uh and it was like, it was over, half sold,

I think close to three, four sold. So make sure, Phoenix, that if you want tickets to that, it's coming up actually. This event will be here in a few weeks. So get tickets there. Sacramento, November 1st. It's sold out. Minneapolis, November 10th. There's some tickets left. San Antonio, November 15th.

There might be, might be tickets left right now. I'm not sure. So make sure to check that out if you're in that area. Tickets start at $25. You can also get a four pack at $60. So go to ramseysolutions.com slash events to reserve your seat today. These are fun events. We did a few last spring, the first one.

So yeah, we're ready to get back on the road you guys hang out with y'all all over and what's fun too is these events even if you're not in the city people travel to these cities and make like a weekend trip

and you know they go to the events and hang out I was stunned at how many people drove for three, four hours just to come spend the night and it was awesome

it was a blast so come check us out again rimsysolutions.com slash events alright hey check this out before we rimsysolutions.com slash events. All right, hey, check this out. Before we take the next call, this was enough of a,

that it made the news. Okay, this article here from this extraordinary actress, Tiffany Haddish. From today.com, drum roll please, Tiffany Haddish revealed in a recent interview that she used the entirety of her girls' trip check, which is the name of a movie,

to finish paying off her house, noting that she still suffers from broke PTSD. And Rachel, you and I talk all the time about your body pays the price for debt. And we don't think about that, but your brain knows if you don't get to decide what you do tomorrow, but Toyota Motor Company does,

or Bank of America does, or Citibank does, your body knows we're not safe. We're not safe, we're not safe, we're not safe. And so much so that when she grew up, she has some really strong imprints of, I will never be broke again. And so people give her a lot of hassle for, you paid your house off. It's so dumb. You could have invested. You could have... No, now I have a surplus of money, she writes, but I'm still afraid of being poor again. And so she used a final check to fully pay off her home from the

money she earned. And I love this. She knows now that no matter what happens in the acting world, if there's another shutdown for a few years, there's another this, she never gets cast in the role. I've got a place to live. I'm safe. And her shoulders are going to drop. She's going to breathe differently. She's going to treat people differently. And here's what's cool. She's going to negotiate differently too. When they come and say, hey, we'd like you to take this job for a million bucks. She's not going to take it because she's desperate.

She's going to say, I'll do it for two. And because I don't need your money. Yes. I have a home that's paid off, right? I'm so excited. I'm proud of Tiffany. Congratulations. And I love this message making out in the popular culture.

Hey, a whale whale a way to participate in being mentally well is don't owe anybody anything yep live a life a life where you are chained to as few things as possible and that's allowing your body to feel freedom i love it it's amazing and it's so fascinating too when you talk to people that came i'm not sure her specific story but if you came from extreme poverty, there is this thing of like, okay, I'm going to cushion myself more than the average person because I am never going to go back there. You and I both grew up like that, and both of us have emergency funds for our emergency fund. That's right. It's wired in there.

There's something about it. It's just like, I don't want that. I don't want to repeat that. So I will do what I have to do. And even if people think I'm crazy, but pay off my house. Great. So I have nothing, but I love it. But you know what acting job she's going to take next? Whichever one she wants. Yeah. She doesn't need anything. She's good. Yeah. I got to pay for her house. I love it. Way to go, Tiffany. That's incredible. All right. Let's go to Heidi in Columbus. Hey, Heidi, what's up? Hi, Dr. John and Rachel. Thanks for taking my call.

You got it. What's up? So I have a question. The show that you did, Dr. John, about the gas lighting, I literally listened to it and then I ran it down to my husband and I said, you have to listen to this because honestly, it helped me finally figure out the relationship problems I have with my family. I came from a family that, honestly, they gaslighted me. Like, everything I wanted to do, they'd always put me down. And now that I'm a mom of three, they're still doing it. And it's to the point where I don't know, as a mom, I feel like I have to defend my kids. And it's putting a whole strain on the relationship.

Now, my husband and I are great. He's my biggest supporter helping me through it. We live a couple hours away. They came down to visit last week and my kids were so afraid. My older two are six and four and they're like, we can't have our hair not look good

because they'll tell us it doesn't look good. If I don't have my shirt not wrinkled, they're going to pick on me. And they see all these comments, and I'm just sort of at the point of I'm trying to set boundaries, but every time I do, they just start screaming at us or yelling at us. So I just don't know how do I undo the past and then not have it affect my kids. A, you can't undo the past.

The past has happened. There's a period at the end of that sentence. And many people in your situation, you are a professional peacekeeper and you probably have been since you were a little girl. Your job was to make sure everybody else didn't set off. And so you developed a superpower of taking your feelings and shoving them as far down as possible. And when you do that, you internalize their feelings and you become the regulator for their feelings and any negative feelings they have, they blame it on you. Am I right? Oh yeah. Okay. So there is no unwinding that that happened. There's a period at the end of that sentence and

any amount of energy you spend trying to go edit that sentence that's already been written is, is energy you're taking away from your husband, energy you're taking away from your kids, and energy you're taking away from yourself. It's a waste of time. Don't do it. What I want you to do is to take the word family off for a second. And I want you to think of a neighbor who just walked by your house every morning and then came into your home to inspect the clothing and haircuts of you and your kids. How long would you put up with that? One time. Yeah, exactly. One time and you'd call the police, your husband probably go to jail, right? And you'd have to figure it out. Your family is hurting your children. Your family's hurting you. Your family's hurting your marriage.

There's no negotiating with this. It ends today. And when you put a boundary, you haven't been putting up boundaries. You've been putting up like mean thoughts because you've just been thinking mean things. You have imaginary conversations with them in the shower right where i'm going to tell them and you never actually do right or you hint around it am i right oh yeah yes it stops today and here's what a boundary is you're not welcome in my home anymore or hey we're all coming down this weekend no thank you We already have family plans. We'll holler back at you.

I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you a why. And when they start yelling at you, here's the coolest thing. It's not on every phone, but my phone has this feature called off. I just hang it up. Can I ask a question? You can.

Okay, if she's never communicated, and I'm assuming that, Heidi, so correct me if I'm wrong, but if she's never communicated, and I'm assuming that, Heidi, so correct me if I'm wrong, but if she's never communicated, you can't talk to us that way, would you have a conversation and say, here's the boundary, here are the comments,

and be very specific, these types of comments and more, anything along these lines, and if you cross that boundary and you say that, you are never welcome. For my dad and your dad? My mom and you say that you are never welcome like for my dad and your dad my mom and your mom yes because i believe that my mom and my dad and your mom and your dad truly love us and they often give us advice that's their way of telling us they love us

tell me if i'm wrong here heidi but this sounds like your family's predatory. Yeah. Okay. Sadly, they don't want to hear if there's anything wrong. It's always like, well, that's your fault. Okay. Exactly. My in-laws are a total different story. You could sit them down, and they would want to make that change. Okay.

There you go. I'm so sorry, Heidi. It's hard. You're going to have to grieve it because this isn't what you wanted. You wanted grandkids and grandparents and Christmases, and it's not going to happen. So be sad, be real sad, grieve the heck out of it, and protect your heart and your kids and your marriage. Today's scripture of the day is second corinthians 5 17 therefore if anyone is in christ he's a new creation the old has passed away behold the new has come stephen covey says be patient with yourself self growth is tender it's holy ground and there's no greater investment.

Rachel, I love that. Something I've started, it hit me six or seven months ago. I often make life change into moral and character issues. Like you better do this or you're the worst or you suck at this. And I started realizing it. You know what? Most people don't have a set of tools in their toolkit. Like it's a set of skills. And so I'm going to practice. No, I don't know how to talk to my wife after we have two kids

because I've never done this before. So I'm going to practice and I'm going to ask for your forgiveness and I'm going to say, I didn't say that one right. The same way as if I'm trying to learn how to do drywall and it hangs sideways a little bit, right? I'm going to practice it. Next time I i know i'm gonna adjust a little bit better but i think that if we stop talking to ourselves in ways that we would never let somebody else talk to one of our friends and we started giving ourselves some grace saying i'm gonna practice this i'm gonna actually show up and keep trying to keep trying to keep trying um i think there'd

be a lot more peace in our homes and in our hearts and in our neighborhoods and in our country i really believe that yeah it's just the and i love that idea of just practice it's like i'm trying this out i'm not good at it i'm gonna stumble my way through it so give me grace in it and when the other person extends that oh man it's everything so it's on both ends right extending grace to people yeah when necessary. And then I just imagine you can tell me like, imagine being a wife and like,

we'll just use Winston for an example. Cause let's be honest. He's like one of the worst guys. Anybody's mad, right? But if Winston was the guy who came home and just had three or four beers and watched Netflix and played the occasional video game and told the kids to keep it down, whatever. And then one day he came in and said, I don't, I'm choosing to be miserable

and I'm choosing for us to not have our best marriage. I want to try something different and I'm going to have to practice coming home and I'm not going to say it right. Would you do this with me? I mean, I got to imagine that would just be. A wife would, yes. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I think that'd be amazing. But it takes humility to do that, me? I mean, I got to imagine that would just be. A wife would, yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that'd be amazing. But it takes humility to do that, right? It does. It does. Or it does take humility, but also takes looking in the mirror and saying, okay, I'm trying to hang this drywall. This way doesn't work.

And the walls keep falling down. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't I just try something else? Right? Why don't I try something different? Yeah. I remember Dave and i talked about when he

you know he's three or four years out of bankruptcy and um that's when you know you pay the piper on your marriage and he talked about him sharing saying we're getting real close and they wouldn't got a marriage counselor and i said that's that was rare in the 80s for some for a guy to have the courage to go to marriage counselor and he said there's a set of skills i didn't have i needed to learn something new and that's the person who knows how to teach me those skills. And I thought, man, if everybody had that attitude, it'd be a different world. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's go to Carol in Wisconsin. What's up, Carol? Hi, it's a pleasure to talk to you guys. It's a pleasure to talk to you. What's up?

I had mentioned to my 16 year old niece, if she'd ever thought about opening an IRA for herself. My sister told me that I can mind my own business and I crossed the line. I agree, Carol. What in the world are you trying to do? Corrupting your niece with those IRAs. Trying to give her wise financial advice. How dare you, Aunt Carol?

Right. Why did she say you crossed the line? Why did she get mad? She thought it was her and her husband's business to take care of her financial business. What's y'all's relationship in general? What's your relationship to your sister and to your niece or your brother,

whichever one? Are y'all close? Are y'all like all that? I thought we were. I'm trying to think of my sister. If my sister... It's not like you had to have a sex talk with a kid or something, right? If my sister was like, all right,

to my 12 year old, listen, you don't want to, you want to go liquor than beer, not beer than liquor. Right. So we're going to take some shots and we're going to, yes,

I would say you overstepped your bounds. But if my sister was like, Hey, here's how I do money. Here's a 401k. And it disagrees with how I do it. I would say, Hey,

thank you for loving my son. And B, Hey, Hank, this is how we do it in our house, right? Yeah. I don't know, Carol. I'm sorry, Carol. It's probably more of her stuff than that. Yes. It's more her issues.

I don't know what she's feeling. John, tell Carol what her sister's feeling. Hey, Carol, the only thing I can think of is if you know that your sister and her husband are in debt to their eyeballs and are stressed all the time and you went behind their back and knowingly said hey hey i got a better way of doing it then that's overstepping your balance because you're it wasn't about a money thing it was about you kind of flexing as a sub parent and that's that's that's never cool if that's what you did then yeah

your sister's right but if you just were trying to be loving and thought hey have you ever thought about putting money in the ira i don't know i would call my sister and i would take her to lunch and just say hey we got we got bigger fish to fry what's what's going on which one wasn't sure um i'm not really sure like i don't know where she's coming from or what she is feeling. Yeah, I think the best path forward is to call your sister and say, hey, sis, what's going on? And just, Rachel, just so you know, just as my friend, if you ever see one of my kids, Hank and Josephine, you can be like, pull them aside and be like, hey, you should put your money in an IRA one day. Feel free to do so. I'm sorry, Carol. Carol, I'm sorry. I don't, yeah, it should put your money in an IRA one day. Feel free to do so.

I'm sorry, Carol. Carol, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's a little bizarre to me. Do they struggle financially, the parents? They're really quiet about their financial matters, so I'm not really 100% sure. So you may have hit a hot button with her. Yeah, a shame button.

There may have been something that maybe they struggle, whatever it is, or they thought they'd be further ahead financially and they're not and she's questioning are we doing this right? Are we okay? And by you suggesting something

to the niece could make them feel like, well, gosh, I'm not getting it right and I'm going to screw up my daughter and here's the, and they're grasping for control or whatever it may be.

How dare you talk to her. There's more issues, I'd say, more of her issues than what you did i got what you did was not wrong unless it was option one like john here's how to approach it sneaky and like hey here's how to approach it hey you don't seem like you're doing okay are you okay because i love you you're my sister and i clearly made you upset and i'm so sorry for for for making you sad um what's going on and i'd start there yeah all right let's go to uh

oh go ahead making you sad I thought you're not I thought your whole thing is like you don't make people with your kids I'm sorry I made you sad but you can't make someone sad they choose to be sad right I agree with that yes is that true yes but

yes you're correct but if I sat down with you and said I'm sorry that I did a thing and you chose to get mad about it that's not gonna go well so yes it is semantics you're right but it is semantics okay yes yes you're right um nobody has the power to make you sad we accept that right we we choose to be sad but in everyday conversation you don't have to use that i wouldn't i wouldn't there wouldn't be a way i would start an apology it's scary when people take your advice isn't it John yeah it's really great

Rachel the literalist that's the one piece you picked up on it is I was like I can't believe he's telling her something that's not true

there you go America sorry I'm making this up as I go way to go way to go Rachel alright well now we're gonna

yeah we got time let's go JD we'll go quick in Cincinnati we right. Well, now we're going to – yeah, we got time. Let's go. J.D. in Cincinnati. We're right up against the clock. Get straight to your question. What's up? Hey, guys. So I'm saving up about $1,000 a month right now, and come June next year,

I should have enough money for a 30% to 40% down payment on my house. Excellent. Now, the smart thing to do would be to take $1,000 and throw it all at my mortgage. But would it be okay or wise to take a part of that $1,000 and save it aside for a really big toy, namely a convertible Ford Mustang? Do you have another car? I do. I'm not selling that one. Okay.

So you're going to be on baby steps four, five, and six selling that one. Okay. So you'll be on, I mean, yeah, you're going to be on baby steps four, five, and six at that point. So we always say you can kind of let the foot off the gas, go on a good vacation. You could upgrade your car.

I mean, having an extra car around, you could, I would not, I wouldn't spend a ton of money on it. How much, how much would it be? No more than $18,000.

I'm buying you, of course. Than 18. How much, yeah. Here's what I would of course. The $18,000. How much? Here's what I would tell you. I wouldn't, but I think we don't have a problem with it. It's not a huge deal. You're fine.

I wouldn't, but knock your lights out. Just make sure you put 20% down on your home. Yeah, he said 30%, which is great. You should be good. You're doing great, JD. Hey, thank you, America, for being with us today. We will see you soon right here on The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show.

Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to ramseysolutions.com slash show.