The Ramsey Show - App - I Think My Friend Is Taking Advantage of Me (Hour 3)

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. My co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show, Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney. We are here answering your questions about your life and your money. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Kayla is in Ohio. Hi, Kayla. How are you? Good. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Calling about my mom, so kind of a combo question for you and Dr. D.

But how and if I should be helping her? She's currently laid off. She actually got laid off right before COVID happened. And I'm looking forward to July 15th when the extra $600 goes away. And I'm not quite sure how she's going to make it. My mom suffers from a lot of depression, which is probably part of the reason she lost her job in the first place. And when I talk to her right now, she doesn't really have any desire to be looking for work. I think she's trying to find an out and I don't know what to tell her or how I can help her. How old is she?

58. What kind of job did she lose? Administrative assistant. Usually administrative assistants are pretty tied into the heartbeat of their organization. Did you have some folks tell her that they just didn't value her didn't want her around um i think the official reason was a cut in the budget but i think when you're low-hanging fruit you know that's what happens she was there 15 years but um she would tell me in the months leading up to this that she would sit in her office and just stare at the wall because she couldn't focus.

And stemming from a lot of the mental health issues, it doesn't surprise me. Has she been getting any treatment? Yes, she's been getting treatment throughout this whole thing. She sees a psychiatrist, seeing a psychologist. That doesn't seem to be helping. They're helping her too, but it doesn't alleviate the fact that she's only leaning on me aside from them when it comes to what else she can do. I mean, she's been seeing this group for how long?

A long time. I mean, she's been with this group probably a couple of years now that's so frustrating to me but no progress uh well when you lose your job it's probably a couple steps back before it's a couple steps forward no she lost her job because there was no progress yeah and two years later the the reason you you you you get into these therapeutic relationships is not so that something bad never happens because that's irrational and dumb it's so that when things do then i call it the emergency fund for life these relationships right and so um this should she should be after two years with a psychologist and a psychiatrist working together for her care,

she should be at a place where she feels more resilient and ready to rock and roll. Not staring at the wall. Right. Oh, I wish that was the case. Yeah. So do you all live in the same town? We do. Okay.

So I can answer the mom and daughter question. And there's a couple of different ways to go forward. But the reality is you're going to have to sit down with your mom and talk to her in a way that is going to maybe feel uncomfortable for you, maybe not. If you've been dealing with somebody with depression for a long time, maybe you've had these kind of conversations. Often people haven't. But I would sit down and say, here's the math problem that we were facing moving forward. And this is the amount I'll be able to help you if any, and this is it. And there will be some significant pushback to you putting up a boundary of any, any sort. And then you will put her in a position where she's going to have to go

do. And then you will can love her and you can say, I'll support a position where she's going to have to go do. And then you can love her and you can say, I'll support you and we're going to have Sunday lunch and all those things. Be your cheerleader. Right. I will be your biggest fan. We're going to find a new counselor because this setup, counseling is not designed to be 100 years. It's not designed to be every week for year on year on year end.

That therapeutic relationship. It is not an annuity for her psychiatrist yeah and and again and that's one of the things where i really get frustrated with the diagnostic community because people live into this diagnosis they become it right and i just have to do this it self-perpetuates itself right and i'm preaching to the choir you you're the daughter you've been living with this and i know that's frustrating for you um but I would sit down and say, here's where we're at. Because you've got a math problem you've got to deal with, right? So let me translate a little bit. Not that that wasn't clear, but from a lay person's perspective,

because I don't have the degrees that Dr. John has. But one of the things I've, in 30 years of doing financial coaching, we've worked with a lot of people struggling with depression because, as you might imagine, when people are depressed, they generally are struggling in their money. No kidding. There's a high correlation. Agreed?

So I get to, I've had the opportunity to have this discussion a bazillion times to the point that I ended up having to learn something about it to be able to inject some hope into the situation. So what John is saying is, is that depression is not a death sentence. It is not forever. It shouldn't be. There are processes you can walk through, and in some cases, pharmacology that you can get involved where appropriate to work and make progress and have depression more in the rearview mirror than it be your definition of your life. And what he and I are frustrated with in this story is the lack of progress that your mom has made with these two guys who have been taking her money.

Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. I've been through transitions with therapy for her before, so that may be the time to do that again. But the point is there needs to be some progress, and so the process needs to change so that there's progress. Because if you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting. And while she's seeing these two guys for multiple numbers of years, she ends up losing her job because she's sitting in the office staring at the wall.

Yep. Okay, so how can you help her? Money is not going to help her. Unless she becomes a financial invalid and you care for her every need for the rest of her life because she becomes the diagnosis. Right. And that's not helping. That's enabling. You force her lovingly, kindly, firmly into a process where she begins to make progress on this so that she can build a sustainable life and have the dignity of doing that on her own. Am I missing something?

No, that's the great gift. And you go to a psychologist not because you're depressed. And so now I've got this destiny of always having to have professional help and care. And I'm useless. And I will never be anything because I've got this thing. You go get care and support from professionals. You rally a group of people in your life that are going to be there so you can be vulnerable and connected. So that you work towards a light. Depression is not the end of your story.

You are not your diagnosis. It drives me crazy that we give these people these tattoos that you are this forever and you are not. You are not. You are better than staring at a wall in an office. Yeah. Nothing is a snapshot. It's a film strip.

It's ever-changing and it's either improving or it's deteriorating. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new baby boy. Shortly after, they had another expensive medical issue come up. They could have faced a huge financial setback, but thanks to Christian Health Care Ministries,

the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills. As members of CHM, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the longest serving health cost sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau accredited charity. It's Christians helping other Christians, and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is. John Deloney, Ramsey personality. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Steve is with us in Colorado.

Hi, Steve. How are you? Hey, good to hey good to get through thanks gentlemen for taking my call our pleasure how can we help so i have a bit of a two-part question um a little background on me first though so i found you guys after i got debt free um i was a needy guy so i skipped the college debt and the only good thing about credit cards is they have a credit limit. But years and years later, here's my question. I've been with the same company for about 20 years. They have just now offered a new 401K plan that's a raw 401K. So the question is, should I switch to that? I have a feeling that income yes um for new

contributions yes uh for the old balance i would not switch it that'll create taxes unless you are debt-free house and everything and have some extra money and that's how i would do it then but uh if you get if you're debt-free and you got some extra money to pay the taxes you can roll the whole thing into a roth but your old balance, your current balance, you can leave it traditional, and your new contributions can be Roth, and I would do that. Hey, thanks for your service, man. We appreciate you calling, too. Chris is with us in Missouri.

Hey, Chris, welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, thanks for having me today. Sure, what's up? So I've recently started watching you on YouTube and on your app and following along with a lot of what you've been saying. My problem is trying to talk to my wife about getting a budget and doing uh i would like to do the seven baby steps but when we tried to talk to her what did it sound like when we've talked about budgeting in the past um how long ago anywhere from when we first started okay so, so, I mean, you just started watching our stuff.

Have you talked to her since then? No. Okay. Because it started, as I say, every time we've done it, it's done nothing but start a fight. Where does the fight come from? I think part of it's insecurity because she, neither one of us had been great with money prior to this. Um, we've, we're three years into a chapter 13 bankruptcy and

we just recently where we thought we were about done with it, just realized we've got about a year left because we were behind on it and it almost got canceled on us. And that just added more stress on the whole ordeal. Yeah, so Chris, listen. You guys have, the nerd word is trauma. You all have trauma around money. And some people try to solve trauma by getting a plan and getting a why, a strong why. This will never happen again. I'm going to go follow a plan that millions of people

have followed before. And that's great, man. And that's where you happen to be. You stumble onto something that's a gift. And, um, it sounds like you are, are want to make some changes in your life. That's going to affect your family tree. And that's awesome. You going home to your wife and saying, Hey, you know what we should probably be doing now is going to set off every alarm she's got in her head because everything is going to be chapter 13 chapter 13 and i thought we were doing this and my husband told me we had a plan and then i but you know what i mean um and so you're gonna have to circle back around. Dave, you've been down this road before. Yep. And Chris, I can tell you in your voice, I'm not hearing a why.

I'm hearing another plan, another thing. Okay. And I may be wrong there. So in my house, the way it sounded was this. Sharon said, I don't want to hear another scheme. I don't want to hear another scam. Right. Because everything I'd tried up to that point felt like a scheme or a scam to her,

and we're broke. Here we sit bankrupt with a brand-new baby, a toddler, and they're cutting the lights off. And it terrified her. It damaged me. it made me ashamed it made me feel guilty it made me feel inept but it terrified her and so how do you how do you get past that fear well what what it amounted to was is that any ideas that i had were not trustworthy because i had not been trustworthy worthy of trust because my actions had brought nothing but crap and so uh and here i come with another truck you know as far as she's concerned that's what she was hearing and so it was by degrees

and it was holding hands and saying i'm not coming to you with all the answers i'm coming to you and saying this house doesn't run well when it comes to money and so this house you and me baby we got to make some changes i found this thing would you walk into it with me investigate it with me and see if we can work this together and then she's not counting on you to have provided the answer because truthfully up to now your provision the answers you provided have not been trustworthy that was true of me and that's not because you're a bad guy it's because you didn't know and you made mistakes well that makes you humans all okay bad guy. It's because you didn't know and you made mistakes. Well, that makes you humans, okay?

So I'm not picking on you. Don't misunderstand. I'm trying to give you her perspective. And so what Sharon and I did was I said, okay, in our case, we're faith people. We're Christians. And I said, okay, what I found is this guy is teaching what God says about money, what the Bible says about money, because what Dave says about money sucks, and I'm awful at it. And so we are going to learn this together,

and we are going to walk out of this mess together, and we are never going back in. And then she walked into that, and as she learned it, as I learned it together, then she wasn't looking at the plan through the lens of Dave. She was looking at it through her own lens because she was beside me walking into this. That's different than I've got a plan for us again. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah, I think it does. And, Chris, I hear in your voice this, can we just get over it? Can we just get on with it and dave i don't want to speak into into you and sharon's life but my guess is if there's a couple of weeks of not talking about something or maybe a couple of months at this point or if you mention a couple of things or if she if sharon happens to see a real estate magazine open at a hotel, y'all that those alarms are going to go off no matter how far away, how many zeros are in your checking account.

So Chris, when is she just going to get over it? Probably never. It will be small and it will, it will, it will turn into a trickle and y'all will, your trust will grow. But man,

people don't grieve at the same pace. And the more you say, why don't you just, why don't you just, man, that just builds a deeper and deeper wedge in your relationship. You're in this together, man. You're in it together. So once Humpty Dumpty is busted, once trust is busted, it's hard to rebuild it. It takes time. And, uh, I mean, you think about if, uh, if I've got a team member here and they, they, uh, misbehave in a certain area and I go, well, okay, I can't trust them at the same level.

And I don't hold that against them for five years, but I am going to be watching them for that behavior until they prove that that behavior is not a pattern in their life and so it takes time of the two of you working together and the more distance you put between yourself and the past stupidity the more the trust is being rebuilt and so my my stoop my super stupid my phd in dumb that i got was, you know, 30 years ago. And so it's in the distant rearview mirror. There's still tender spots, still scars in our relationship from it. But I'm much more worthy of trust now and have proven it 30 years worth versus the seven prior to that.

Celebrating 38 years this week, as a matter of fact. Congratulations, man. And she tells us that, you know, we've had 30 good years of marriage. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays. When you're looking for sunglasses, it feels like your options are limited. Name brand sunglasses cost too much and the cheap

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will be doing a free live stream event from our Ramsey Solutions headquarters atrium. There will be 400 or 500 of us here, 400 or 500 folks visiting with us here on free tickets. And we'll be live streaming this over the whole nation to hundreds of thousands of you. The event is called What Now? COVID-19 and Your Money. It's completely free. We're going to show you how to never be in this position again. And some of you are in a position you never want to be in again. And we will show you how. It's in this position again and uh some of you are in a position you never

want to be in again and we will show you how it's not about shaming you this is about saying from today forward never again so text the word control if you want to watch this free it's free it's what now thursday night tomorrow night for most of you 7 p p.m. Central, June the 25th. Text the word CONTROL to 33789. CONTROL to 33789. So be sure you're checking all of that out. Also be sure to look out at Dr. John Deloney's latest article that he has posted, Dealing with the Disappointment of Cancelled Plans.

That job that you had that got canceled those trips that you had that got canceled i have a bunch of those oh man yeah work trips and fun trips both my whole spring got blown up so did yours we all did and and it really is a disappointment and i mean it's been a struggle to just find something that you can do that you want to do. We've got some new shows up on the YouTube channel, too, about everything we know about anxiety is wrong. I'm going to walk people through what anxiety actually is, and then we're going to talk about what you can actually do about it. Everybody's anxious. Everybody's running around feeling like life is spinning out of control on them.

Check out YouTube slash John Deloney and walk with me on that be be fun one of them that's a really good conversation painful and hopeful conversations about racism man i met with anthony's pastor dr john facin he is a stud god almighty that guy that guy is amazing but what's cool is I rent a house in the neighborhood where he pastors, and I learned some stuff about my neighborhood that I didn't know. And it's one of those neat moments where I've got a lot of information in my head. I've sat in a lot of college classes, but I got to learn from somebody with different experiences than me, and it was a humbling, hopeful, hard set of conversations that was just beautiful. The man's brilliant and and very very giving um it's a neat conversation so it's good stuff very cool our question of the day

comes from blinds.com they have a 100 satisfaction guarantee even if you mismeasure you pick the wrong color they'll remake your blinds for free you You get free samples, free shipping, and with new promos every month, you save even more. Use the magic word, the promo code Ramsey. John, you got a question. Today's question comes from Ryan in Ottawa. He visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, Hi Dave. Currently, I am on baby step number seven and truly enjoy blessing people in need. I was recently asked by a friend to reimburse his daughter who paid his medical bill for his recent stay in a hospital in canada normally i would say no problem but honus honestly i'm a little put off that he is asking me to pay back his daughter also he confided in me about two

years ago that he had about a hundred thousand dollars in the bank but that was for his kids inheritance i do want to help here but something feels off about it. Because something's off about it. Something is super off about it. That's the reason it feels that way. Yeah. You know, Dave, this brings me to a broader question about giving. Because when I hear this question, my first thought is, my first thing I want to say to Ryan is,

who cares what the guy's got in the bank? If you want to give and help this person out, then give and help him out. The other side of that is, what responsibility does a giver have to chasing down all the little avenues of how you're going to use the money and what's going to be for? Do you actually need it? That just seems like an extra burden that a giver is going to carry. But I also know there's a responsibility with where your money goes, right? To be a person of good stewardship means to keep the end in mind too yeah you got to be helpful right and um sometimes you're not being helpful okay what's described there in my mind is

dysfunction yeah why does a guy with a hundred thousand dollars in the bank allow his daughter his own child to pay his medical bill. Yeah, something's not right here. That's just, that's off. That's weird. Or is Ryan a guy that walks around and says, I love blessing people. And then someone says, well, cool, you want to pay back my daughter? Right? Yeah.

Well, I do love blessing people, but that's not a blessing. Because what you're doing there, you're not blessing someone. You're participating in their dysfunction. That's like giving a drunk a drink. Okay. You know, you're not going to do that. So, you know, I used to, at the end of the year, I love blessing people too. Most spenders, and I'm a natural spender, it's easy for us to be generous.

Most savers work at the generous muscle most of the time. It's not always true, but as a generality. And so I've really always, it's easy for me to tip or over tip or give or just random acts of money kind of thing. I enjoy that. And what happened was I allocated a percentage of my income in addition to my tithe. I tithed to my local church. But in addition to that, Sharon and I allocated a percentage of our income to give additionally and to various things.

Whatever we wanted to give to, whatever God led us to give to as Christians. We felt like we were called to be outrageously generous, and it's good for our soul. It's good for our health. It's good for everything. And so we would just pile up the money in this percentage. I just put it over a little account. That percentage, every time I got money, that percentage went over in that account.

We had this giving account, and there's a pile of money over there. You get to the end of the year, and you've got to get rid of it because if you don't dump it into a charity, you're going to pay taxes on it. Gotcha. And in my mind, that money's already gone even though it's sitting in this separate account. And so then I would just like get in a hurry and find stuff to give it to at the end of the year. And I'd say, okay, that ministry, I'm going to send them some money. That thing, I'm going to send that person some money. I'm going to do that.

And I was with a bunch of wealthy guys that were believers, and one of the guys said, you're very diligent with your investing, and you are really sloppy with your giving. Ooh. He goes, both of them are God's money that you're managing, so why don't you invest God's money into things that you're going to give lift to god wants to see a return on his investment too and generosity is a god thing right so the generosity ought to cause lift and if somebody's mismanaging their life or they're mismanaging

their ministry and you pour into it all you've done is participate in their mismanaging their life or they're mismanaging their ministry and you pour into it all you've done is participate in their mismanagement and uh it really convicted me and so we got very we we allocate a percentage for just random and we don't tie strings to it but we don't give substantial sums to something that we haven't checked out because we feel like it's investing on a kingdom level. That comes further down the funnel there to this idea of intentionality. Yeah. And for a spender, I'm the same way. I like writing big tips.

It makes me feel good and helping people. I like that. Especially right now. The servers haven't been working. They're trying to get back on their feet. Just watching somebody light up like a light bulb makes me light up. Right, that's good. But I do it unintentionally.

And I just indiscriminately. That's a couple hundred bucks. But you start talking about several thousand dollars or $10,000 or $100,000 or something. You know, you need to be wise with that. Right. Because you are making an investment in kingdom stuff. I love it. And, you know, God's spirit needs to lead you in that.

You need to be compassionate and kind. But, you know, you can do damage to an organization that has substantial weaknesses when you dump a substantial amount of money on them. Do you not give to an organization because you think they're already doing well enough? No. No. Okay. Don't do that. We won't give to an organization, in the case of the Ramsey Family Foundation, if they're in debt.

Okay. Or they're going to continue to stay in debt, or they're going to continue to use debt as part of their operation. Because we don't do that personally, and so it's inconsistent to our value system. You bet. As an example. And we look for competence in the leadership team. As you should, yeah. So to come back to Ryan here, you know.

This is an incompetent toxic situation i wouldn't fund it that's right but just because someone has done well and in other parts of their life that doesn't necessarily disqualify them from ever receiving support from me no i won't help them yeah uh but it's like i don't understand why they need help why there you go that's what's that's what's throwing me off here. It gives you a head tilt. And he even says it. He says it feels weird. The reason it feels weird is because it's weird. Walk away.

That's right. Yeah. And it's not an indication that you're greedy or you're not generous. It's you don't want to support misbehavior and cause more of it. Love it. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. hey folks there's literally never been a better time to try online grocery. My friends at eMeals make it incredibly easy for you. eMeals creates a shopping list based on the meals you want for the week

and then directly sends it to Walmart, Kroger, Instacart, Shipt, or Amazon Fresh. Your choice. Head to eMeals.com slash grocery. Find what delivery and pickup providers are available in your area. Try eMeals free for two full weeks. Find what delivery and pickup providers are available in your area. Try eMeals free for two full weeks. That's eMeals.com slash grocery. Our scripture of the day, Proverbs 10, 9, Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,

but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out. Robin Sharma says, Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It's about impact, influence, and inspiration. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host today here on the Dave Ramsey Show, Ramsey Personality. Daniel is with us in Virginia. Hi, Daniel. How are you? Pretty good, sir. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So here's my situation. We've been following your – we took financial peace, and we've been trying to follow all your steps and all your rules.

We broke one of them, but – There's a lot of them. All my steps and all my rules. We're sorry. I just hear like a sledgehammer clanking on concrete in the background yeah so we have $61,000 in school debt originally it was $91,000 so we're down to $61,000

good we started approximately two years ago however we got married and then my wife got pregnant so we paused it and uh now we're trying to start back up on it good for you and so how much debt have you paid off total since you started 30 000 good for you good job okay so that one student loan from 91 down to 61 and what's your household income sir uh approximately 145ately $145 to $150.

Good. I get overtime, so it kind of varies. Wonderful. So you have that student loan debt left. What other debt other than the 61 do you have left? So the rule that we broke was we bought a house in the middle of this. Oh. So we didn't pay off the debt like you're supposed to.

Basically, our rent at the place we were staying at yeah so you did this okay i don't want you're not gonna tell me it's okay but go ahead what what is your question all right well the question is we have uh two house mortgages because in order to buy the house, you've got to put 3% down. We didn't have that. So what they did was they, first-time homebuyers, we got a mortgage for the down payment. Well, they didn't roll it, but it's two mortgages. One is the $7,000, or approximately $7,600, and the other mortgage is $247. They're both at 4% interest. So my question is... I'm sorry, the second mortgage is how much?

$7,600. That's the 3% of 247. Okay. So they're both at 4% interest. Should we pay that $7,600 off first and then continue working on the school debt or just continue chipping away the school debt and then continue working on the school debt or just continue working chipping away to school debt and then work on our house mortgage well the if you came to me brand new into all of this and you said i'm going to have a debt snowball and i have a second mortgage

the 7600 and i have a 61 000 student, I would pay the second mortgage off first. The bigger question in the discussion is not for me to beat up on you about my rules or something. It's that those principles are there for you. They don't affect me. My life has not been destroyed by you doing this. I'm okay. I'm still Dave Ramsey. Everything's okay

so i'm you know you you do whatever you want to do it's your life the the thing you want to do the thing i can't tell you to do is um if i hire a personal trainer and i have a six-pack i mean i have a keg and he has a six-pack and i'm asking him okay what do i do and he says okay no more big macs and we're going to do this workout regime and i said well okay yeah except i'm going to keep eating the big macs but i'll do the workout part well it's not going to work and i've wasted my time and i've wasted my money because i'm doing ish with him And I didn't follow the program that he tells me, and he's the guy that tells me how to have a six-pack while I got a keg. I know, but you don't understand, Dave.

I need a Big Mac. I need a Big Mac, and I'm going to run extra. With special sauce. Yeah. And so that's, you know, and Big Macs, by the way, they're cheaper than if you make your own burger at home, right? Absolutely. And I could have rented one, but I didn't, and instead I bought a Big Mac.

That's right. The point I'm making, dude, is I am going to pick on you and say, it doesn't matter which one you pay off. If you're making up your own system, make up your own system. And that's not because my feelings are hurt. My feelings aren't hurt. You do whatever you want to do. But if you want to follow our system and you just occasionally do

you're not going to get the results that you hear people on here doing their debt-free screams you're not going to get the results of people that call in here and go you know i've been following your stuff for seven years i'm an everyday millionaire you're not going to get those results i'm gonna not going to get rid of my keg as my pot belly my corona belly as long as i'm pounding big macs you know and so you got to decide that part that's a bigger part of the question than this yeah i would if you're going to work the system this time submit and actually do the stuff we teach then yes my answer matters but my answer to that technical answer to which debt to pay off really doesn't matter if you're going to go making up your own crap every time you want to do something. So you've got to decide that part of it.

And I don't care. I'll still be your friend either way. I've got friends that don't follow my stuff. I've got family members that don't follow my stuff. And I didn't throw them out of the family. I mean, it's okay. Everybody gets to do their thing, right? But so, yes, if you're going to follow Dave, if you're going to follow the ramsey guidelines you would pay off the 7600 before the 61 000 dave this whole thing's i i still sit here with my mouth

open here you live in the finance world way more than i have how in the world can you walk into a bank and they have a rule that says you got to put three percent down which isn't enough and then i say well i don't have that and they say we'll let you borrow that too because you're a first-time homebuyer and we have a program anytime they have to work around a workaround which is already a bad deal to begin not a not a bad deal a not smart deal to begin with yeah that tells you what's going on and so god oh my let me tell you when you say first time home buyer program you usually say people that are broke huh and

when broke people buy houses they get broker and broker that's why they call them brokers it's just you know so you guys do what you want to do out there it's whatever you want to do but the stuff we teach in the way we teach it it's not just a list of rules where you get punished by me if you don't follow the rules or I yell at you or something like that. That's not the point. The point is this is how the law of gravity works. And if you want to challenge it, you can challenge it. It's going to hurt when you bounce off the pavement, though.

Yeah, good luck, man. I mean, that's the thing is there's a prince there was these are principles and they're there for a reason because it's the shortest distance between two points even though it doesn't feel like it at the time and um so that's what you guys get to do so yeah that that's how it works daniel and um but and yeah there's there's there's always some stupid bank willing to loan you money on easy payments. Easy payments are, you know, they've been around since the 50s. Three easy payments. Now there's a new thing, you know, on the Internet when you buy a dadgum shirt, you can just line up and make four $12 payments or something.

It's just nuts. And no one looks at what the interest rate is no one looks at the pattern in my life my behavior patterns my discipline or lack thereof no one looks at how my my mental health is playing into this no one looks at my spiritual walk and how i'm doing this it's just consumption i have to have it not to have it right now it's just childish consumption and i can imagine working towards baby steps i've paid off thirty thousand dollars we find out we're pregnant we're excited we gotta have a house and then i go to this picture and it's a four bed you know i'm just making it up the house and mom and

dad are going you gotta buy a house you gotta buy a house and your friends are going you gotta buy a house your kid can't be in an apartment your friend your friend's going you know i leased my car and i got a bass boat in the driveway and you guys are driving a beater man y'all are lame y'all must not be having any fun what kind of job are you you make 140 000 what in the world are you doing what's wrong with your kid can't grow up in a in an apartment what is wrong with what kind of a dad are you're a lump of a human that has no no anything this is what the culture says to you it's crazy but the culture is broke and broke people give you all your financial advice you're going to be one of them. And so this is what you have to do.

You have to decide I'm going to be different if you're going to be different. You know, if you want to have a different result, you're going to have to have different inputs. So this is for all of you. This is not for Daniel. This is for all of you. That's right. Good for you, Daniel, for saying, all right, we're back on. Yeah, hope you're back on. Hope that's the thing. John, thanks for hanging out. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, hope you're back on. Hope that's the thing.

John, thanks for hanging out. Thanks for having me on. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show and the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruz, Chris Hogan, or the rest of the Ramsey Network anywhere with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone.

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