The Ramsey Show - App - Ignoring Your Money Problems Won’t Make Them Go Away (Hour 3)

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

Dave Ramsey & John Delony discuss: What happens when you ignore medical debt, The aftermath of identity theft, Family that keeps asking for money Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. We help people build wealth, do work that they really love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, mental health expert, is my co-host today as we answer your questions about your life and your money and your life. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. Lynn is with us in Rochester, New York. Hi, Lynn. How are you?

I'm great, Dave. How are you guys? Better than we deserve. What's up? Okay. Well, when I said I was great, honestly, we have a crisis and we need your help solving. My husband was offered a job in North Carolina and granted it's only 15 percent or excuse me 15 cents more an hour but what we would save in taxes and everything else

would be astronomical. We put our home on the market. The real estate agent said that we should get $169,900 for it. Hopefully, there would be a bidding warrant, but he said the market's kind of soft, so it might not happen. We found out that we have a mean on the home from past medical debt of $21,000, and we owe $120,000 on the home. So if our home goes for $169,900 after we pay the lien and pay the home off, we're like, we're going to net $7,000 to $10,000. And my question to you is, should we take it off the market and just hammer out the debt and then go forth with North Carolina? What is the history on this $21,000 medical debt? I was in a car accident 10 years ago, and we fought and forth with the insurance um to take care of it they never did and then my husband i got ill with lupus and wasn't able to work and my husband's

sole provider so things got pushed off to the side and that was one of them so the moral of the story is uh that um ignoring things doesn't make them go away exactly yeah so you have a twenty one thousand dollar medical debt that they finally sued you on and took a lien against your house on but have never garnished your wages and that that lawsuit was how long ago yeah how long ago um how long ago? Yeah. How long ago? How long ago was the lawsuit? Oh, goodness. Probably five years ago. They are garnishing his wages now.

I bet they are. Okay. When were you all planning on dealing with this? Well, to be honest, because they were taking his wages, we're like, okay, because we're paying it, we just assumed that naively, I guess that's even a word. What is your household income? My husband makes about $70,000 with overtime overtime and the move to north carolina was prompted by what what makes you want to go down there just we felt years ago god's calling us to north carolina and just we love the area we love the area. We love the people. And just life in general, we feel, would be better there.

Because here in New York, the taxes are astronomical. I mean, we're paying. Okay, here's the thing. If you sell your house, you get a fresh start, and you get rid of this mess that you haven't dealt with, and you get to move on with your life. That's a beautiful thing, okay? The only downside of that process is you probably could negotiate this $21,000 debt.

You know, you probably offer them $5,000 or $10,000. They probably take it as settlement in full. Do you have the ability to borrow any money? No, we don't. Could you go to your credit union and get five or ten thousand dollars we might be able to uh my husband's credit isn't the greatest right now no kidding because of the the debt right i know big surprise okay so i i would ask your credit union if there's any chance that they would loan you five or,000 or $10,000.

Don't take the money. If they approve the loan, though, get that in writing and then go to the lawyers that have done the lawsuit on the medical debt and see if you can settle this for a quarter or 50 cents on the dollar. If you can do that, that'll get the lien removed for less than $21,000. And then that would put a little more money in your pocket as you sell the house. If you want to go that route, you can. If you don't want to go that route, just sell your house. At least you'll be rid of the garnishment, and you will have gotten this from over the top of your head.

But please, for God's sakes, learn the lesson from it. The lesson is this stuff doesn't go away unless you make it go away. It just gets worse. It's like a splinter under the skin. That's very true. Yeah, ignoring it. These things have a high rate of resurrection. They come back over and over and over and over again.

And so you have to push that stuff through. And I'm fussing at both you and your husband for your own good because I want you to prosper, and you're not going to prosper with that habit in place so yes i'm selling your house uh yes i'm going to try to settle that debt for less than the face of it is because it is a 10 year old medical debt and they probably will take less on it um but maybe they won't now that they got a garnishment and also but when you get to north carolina it may mean you have to rent for a year or two. Yeah, you don't have any money. Yeah, you can't come in here and just buy your dream house in North Carolina.

Yeah. But $0.15 an hour raise with no income tax and no garnishment, that's bigger than $0.15 an hour raise. I don't feel like you've won. So, yeah, you're going to come out ahead that way. And, you know, you get a fresh start, and you kind of get a different setting and everything. So I'm with you on the move overall, and that's what I would try to do.

Megan is with us in Atlanta. Hi, Megan. How are you? Hi, guys. Thank you so much for taking my call. How are you? Better than we deserve. What's up?

Great. Well, I am just looking for some advice. So last October, I got a bill in the mail that I owed Verizon Wireless $4,000, and it ended up being a fraudulent bill. I had an account many, many, many years ago with them. I worked with, I have in place identity fraud protection. I worked with my team there and getting that all resolved. I thought we were all good with everything. I ended up buying a condo not too long ago and um so have been paying pretty close attention to my credit report and i just got a message last week that i owed um forty six hundred dollars to a collections agency yeah and it's yeah you're going to go back to your identity theft protection again that's

what it's for and they will have to work it through. That's the only way you can do it. There's not any way around it. That's the downside of this. The good news is if you have good identity theft protection like Xander Insurance, then they will do the work for you and fight these things off and push them aside. If bad, they make you do half the work. I just saw a study that really made me sad. It showed that families owning life insurance in the U.S. was at its lowest point since the 1970s. After what we've been through the past few years, I'm just lost on how people don't make this more of a priority. How are you going to make sure your family needs are

met if something happens to you? This is why getting term life is an absolute necessity. Rates have never been cheaper, and the whole process to apply is pretty simple, with many companies not even requiring an exam anymore. This is why I send you to Zander Insurance, and I have for almost 25 years. They'll make sure you get the right protection at the lowest cost possible, and they're there for you and your family every day. I challenge all of you to make sure your families are protected. It needs to be a top priority.

Call Zander at 800-356-4282 or visit zander.com. That's 800-356-4282 or zander.com. We'll be right back. Well, we've spent a couple of call segments talking about insurance today, and we've got Amir on the line in Denver. Hey, Amir, tell me how things are going with you, brother. I am, first of all, I'm doing better than I deserve, sir. I love it. Very good. I'm doing better than I deserve, sir. Love it. Very good. I'm very, very excited to talk to you. Well, thanks for calling in to talk about this insurance stuff.

Talk about insurance and how it impacted your life. Absolutely. So I want to start by saying that you literally saved my life, and that's regarding the insurance, and we're going into it now. Our story goes back to 2016 when I started listening to your show. My wife and I never really had any debt except for a mortgage. But since we left Israel and immigrated to the States after the age of 30, we knew that we were way behind in our retirement savings.

So I was searching online for all kinds of advice when I stumbled upon your plan. At that point, I learned that I am underinsured for my life insurance, according to what they teach. And my wife had no life insurance at the time, since at that point she wasn't working. So of course, I reached out to Zander, got a quote for new life insurance for both me and my wife. And while my wife was approved within a couple of weeks, my application was denied because of irregular activity of my heart that was seen on the EKG test. At that point, I'm reaching out to my physician with a decline letter. We're starting doing investigation, and we found that I have a

genetic heart disease that put me at the risk of a cardiac arrest. And while the disease is not curable, I do have an implantable defibrillator today that will kick in and save my life if something would happen. Since I am not insurable anymore because of this issue, we decided to go gazelle intense in paying off our mortgage, which we did in less than four years. And I do know today that if something would happen to me, at least my wife and daughters will have a roof over their heads and a hefty savings. So at the end, it was a blessing in disguise since we may not have learned about it until it would have been too late. You discovered the health problem because of the insurance application.

That's amazing. Wow. What a story, man. You've been through so much. That's amazing. Wow. What a story, man. You've been through so much. That's crazy. So you went through this confidence in your coverage series, the five video series with George Camel. What did you get out of that? Well, it gave me the assurance to know that I am well covered, at least where I can be covered.

And we did not really miss anything. And I'm very happy happy i do have a financial piece by by doing that yeah well you got a little peace of mind now that you've yeah because this whole subject's uh kind of been had like a highlighter over the top of it for you man that's pretty crazy wow well congratulations man and uh thank you for calling in i'm glad your health was discovered and and got that underway and it also helped you adjust your overall financial plan that's crazy dave i i just had to catch i almost got choked up there the difference between somebody who gets life

deals them a raw deal just hands them a bad set of cards. And you either full up and quit playing, or you say, thank God, I'm all right. Now we've got to do something different. I don't know, if I could bottle that up and write that book, man, my grandkids would never have to work.

But he got, they looked him in the eye and said, you might die, so we're going to have to put a machine in you. And you can't get insurance. And instead of going home and saying, well, crap, that's it for me. He said, we're going to do something really different. We're going to have to pay this thing off.

At least my wife will be okay here. That's courage and bravery that is missing from society en masse. To say, here's what life dealt you, man. And it's not good. It's not right. It's not fair. And so what are you going to do? And that dude said, I'm going to do something different yeah it's very cool that's incredible

man you know there we see that a lot that common thread among people who are able to win with money they they manifest something like that uh the old book seven habits of highly effective people by dr stephen covey the number one habit is that people are proactive. They happen to things. Things don't happen to them. Yeah. They're victors, not victims. Yeah.

And all of us have crap coming at us. I mean, everybody does. And the question is, are you going to stand on it or lay under it? Yeah. And, man, that guy, he's a stud. That's incredible, man. Pretty cool. So good. Hey, guys, a lot of you are concerned all the way to panicking about the real estate world out there. On July 14th, we're hosting a free live stream called Real Estate Reality Check.

George Campbell, Rachel Cruz, and I are going to walk you through what's going on with the housing market today and how it all works so you know how to navigate it. Spoiler alert, the housing market's not going to crash. It's not. And we're going to show you with data, not emotions, not politics. Why? We're going to teach you where real estate prices come from and we're going to walk you through the facts, the data, the charts, the graphs, the economics, completely free. July 14th, a free live stream. Real estate, reality check. And so far, tens of thousands of you have already signed up to watch this. It's at 7 p.m. Central Time, July 14th, about two weeks from now. RamseySolutions.com slash reality check will get you signed up.

Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. That means even if you mismeasure, you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your window blinds for free. Free samples, free shipping, and new promos they run every month. You'll save even more. Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Ashley in Ohio.

Ashley writes, My husband and I fight all the time and need counseling in our finances. We're pretty equal with spending, but I get blamed for being a spender. He makes $200K a year, and we are out of debt except for our house. We have about nine years left on our mortgage, and I'm sick of pinching pennies. I compared myself with our friends all the time. We make more money than so many people and yet we have old cars. I'm over it and I'm to the point where I could go back in debt to live and say yes to the kids more. How can I get out of this mindset? I need some more information here for this one, Dave,

but you've dealt with this a long time. I have a hard time with the limited data set I have here. I have a hard time with the attitude, I guess. I struggle with that. Hers? Yes. And it may be, and again, some more data would let me know if a husband is

super controlling and won't let anybody spend anything or he only gets to spend things um but when it comes to i compare myself with my friends i'm ready to get back into debt so we can go have some fun um i have a hard time with that one i also have a hard time with making two hundred thousand dollars and y'all haven't created space for y'all to enjoy your life. Right? Yeah. I may be reading too much into this, but I just see two selfish, immature people. Yeah.

Both of you want your little thing and neither one of you are willing to put the other one first, number one. And worse than that, neither one of you are willing to put the good of the overall household ahead of your own little crap. You're acting, actually, you sound like a spoiled princess. It's just like a child. Or you are a wife who has absolutely no vote because your husband's an overbearing ogre nerd with his spreadsheet, but he gets to do whatever he wants right both of these are selfish immature reactions what both of you should do is look to say okay what is the best

plan for the good of our overall household and what is that you know what is the best plan we have taught that the best plan to do is called the baby steps, and depending on where you are in the baby steps, it sounds like you're in four, five, and six, then you don't have to pinch pennies if you're out of debt, everything but the house, and you have an emergency fund in place. But you two have not done a budget that you both agreed to that was aimed at a bigger goal than either one of you.

The only thing you do, the reason you have fights is when you sit down, you want to get what you want. He wants to get what he wants instead of going, okay, what's the big goal? You're not dreaming bigger than either one of you. Your dream is, I want something. I want equal. Or I want more than you. My vote is to get.

We need a big goal that's bigger than either one of you, a bigger vision, a better, clearer vision that you both can buy into and you're both willing to sacrifice equally to hit that goal and consistently to hit that goal. But this sounds like two kids fighting over who... He's got my toy. He's got my toy. I want my toy.

Like my grandkids when I'm keeping them. This is The Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. On July 14th, we're hosting a free live stream event called Real Estate Reality Check. If you're wondering about real estate and what it's going to do we're going to give you data not feelings we're going to give you facts and historical perspective on the best way to look at this situation and what are you really facing out there should you be scared is the market going to crash spoiler spoiler alert no it's not. Go to ramseysolutions.com slash reality check and get your tickets for free.

Oh, calling from Tacoma, Washington. Camera and Esprit are with us. It says on my screen you guys are debt free. Congratulations. How much have you paid off? Hi, Dave. We paid off $150,507.86. Love it. How long did this take?

43 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time? We started off as a two-income household, making about $80,000. And by the end, we were down to a one-income household, making about $85,000. Ha! I like it it that's a great increase what do you do for a living? I'm in commercial tire sales. Very good and she's not now right? That's correct not anymore. I love it what did you do before a spree um i was a social worker very good in foster care good oh that's a good calling fun okay and what was the 151 000 in debt

uh well it was a little well not a little it was a lot of everything um we had credit cards student loans car loans loans, you name it, we had it. Y'all were like normal. Yeah. Just regular old walking around Americans. And you woke up one day and said, this sucks. We need to change. How did you find out?

What did you decide to do this Ramsey stuff? So for us, we, I mean, we have like this rotating cycle of money fights, right? And one day I just happened to see one of our friends celebrating completing baby step number two on their Facebook, asked them about it. And, um, we went to go enroll and we actually couldn't afford it because you guys don't accept credit cards. And we like oh this this is a really big issue um and so we saved up and enrolled in fpu and it's you know history ever since yeah very cool because it's 99 whole dollars and uh yeah and if we took credit cards that would be pretty hypocritical don don't you think? Yes. Yes, exactly. Oh, man, I'm so proud of y'all. So you signed up for FPU, and that starts the whole thing four years ago, huh?

Mm-hmm. Wow. So tell me what happened after that. You went to class, and were you both ready? I mean, are one of you kicking and screaming against it, or what? I was definitely the last to come on board. You know, after the first meeting and, you know, we were talking about on the car ride home,

we actually got into a little argument because I didn't want to sacrifice. You know, I didn't want to give up my stuff. I just saw a picture of you with that nice F-150. You wanted to hang on to that truck, huh? That was actually a Dave car. So we had probably about three or four months before we started FPU, we had both purchased two brand- new cars that ended up going away. Oh, and the truck was a downgrade. That's a downgrade?

Yeah. Sweet. I got a good deal on it. Yeah. Good for you, man. Okay. I'm going with that. Good.

I'll go with that. Yeah, yeah. It's a 20-year-old truck. Oh, it doesn't. It looks, the picture makes it look good. Okay. Good. All right.

So you got rid of, what did you sell off? I had a Ford Focus ST, a little sports car, and she had a regular Ford Focus. Okay. Wow. Good. I can say something smart. I look like you went up. But anyway. I was going you went up. But anyway.

I was going to say that. But anyway. Well, congratulations. That's a big deal, man. When you go through that internal battle with yourself to say, okay, I don't really want to live like no one else so that later I can live like no one else. But maybe I should. Maybe I need to. Maybe I've got to grow up and you you wrestle that guy to the ground and to say i've got a

sacrifice to win and i don't like it that is a real adult manly thing to do dude thank you it's hard it wasn't easy it's an existential struggle yeah i i really liked that car yeah yeah even though i made fun of it yeah yeah i'm with you i mean i get it that's you know when i i distinctly remember when i was coming out of the whole process of going broke and i had to look in the mirror and not in a shaming way but just in a truthful way and say you're the problem and you by god are going to be the solution you know i mean i had this conversation with myself looking in the mirror in the bathroom and it's just like ah ah you're killing me right you know and it's just this this wrestling this internal wrestling and you guys decide to go uh and change your whole lives i'm so proud of you

thank you what Thank you. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I would say don't be afraid to get back on track when you slip up, because we definitely did over the course of, you know, almost four years. You know, be be intense be intentional um and don't carry shame because that causes you to isolate and then you uh don't give yourself room for support sounds like a man who's gone to counseling huh or a wife who was a social worker oh there you go even better no wife who was a social worker. Oh, there you go. Even better. No, a wife who teaches counseling. There we go. Yeah, that's good.

Well, that is true. That is true. The only difference in shame and guilt is one of them defines who you are, and the other one just is an admission of stupidity, and you move on, right? And so it's not who I am. It's just something I did. Something I did, that's right. And I'm not going to be shamed by my past.

That's why I can say, you know, I lost everything. I got a Ph.D. in DUMB, and I can do it with great freedom because that's not who I am. It's something I did 30 years ago. And it set me up to win like never before and also to help other people win like never before. So proud of you guys. You're heroes. Well done. Well done, well done. Who were your biggest cheerleaders?

Definitely each other, right? We depended on each other. But I actually have two really good friends that have also went through FPU, Phyllis and Taylor, and they really cheered us through. Our money eaters were food, right, groceries and eating out, and we all kept each other accountable. So definitely them. Like-minded people help you along the way big time.

Good phrase, good phrase. Yeah, you need community for accountability and for encouragement. To bust you and also to hold your hand when you're just weak. We all need that. Good stuff, you guys. Well done, well done. We've got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That's the next chapter in your story for sure.

We've also got a fresh one-year subscription to Financial Peace University. You can give that to someone. It is all the brand-new videos, the best FPU we've ever done. And also a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away and get someone started. Way to go, you guys. Very well done. Cameron Ann Esprit in Tacoma, Washington, 151,043 months, making 80 to 85. And she was able to quit work and stay home with a baby and still got an increase in income for him over the whole net of the thing well done you guys count

it down let's hear a debt-free scream three three two one we're debt-free yeah Set free. Yeah. I love it. So great, man. Don't be normal. Be weird. So great. Don't be conformed to this world. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind well done you two this is the ramsey show Thank you. Our scripture today, Psalm 9012, teach us to number our days,

that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Thomas Sowell says, life does not ask what we want, it presents us with options. That's the truth. And those debt-free screams, we're always giving away a one-year membership to Financial Peace University, which includes the premium version of every dollar. It automatically connects to your bank with all your different debit card usage, pops right into your budget. You're going to love all that.

If you want to do all of that, just get you a Financial Peace University membership gift card. Very easy to do. Just check it out at ramseysolutions.com slash gift, and you can sign up for that and give it to someone. And if you wanted to give Financial Peace University away, that's how you do it these days. And that way they've got access online to watch the videos, and they can go to a local class if they want as well. It's all available, all for one price.

Ah, you've got to love it. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Hunter is with us in Greenville, South Carolina. Hi, Hunter. How are you? Right now I'm nervous because I don't think I would actually get through today. How are you guys? Well, we're honored to speak with you.

How can we help? Yeah. So I come from a family where financial literacy wasn't really taught. We didn't talk about money. We saw parents put everything on credit cards, live on debt, paycheck to paycheck. That changed when my husband and I got married. We went through the baby steps. We paid off all of our debt two years ago,

and we're currently saving for a house down payment right now. Good for you. You broke the change. Yeah, way to go. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, my sisters are all still kind of stuck in that living paycheck to paycheck living in debt and we find ourselves constantly bailing them out and even today one of my sisters called me in tears asking for money and they're in a really deep hole. And so, of course, this is the third time we've bailed her out

and given $1,500 over the last three months to some of my sisters to bail them out. And so I'm just trying to find a balance of, like, when's enough enough? Is it okay to put stipulations when you're giving money to family? Like, hey, I'm going to give you this, but, like, I want to sit down and do a budget with you. Or is, like, that overstepping? I don don't know it's kind of my question i'm looking for advice and guidance how old are you um i'm 26 how many sisters three i have three sisters two older sisters and one younger sister okay um hunter i'll let dave answer the the back end of this but it sounds like you're giving money less because they need it and more you feel like you have to.

Whether that's from a place of guilt, you quote unquote got out, or you just feel like it's your job. Am I right? I would say that's true. I definitely come from an emotionally manipulative family. I don't really have too much to do with my parents and things like that too much anymore. I don't really have too much to do with like my parents and things like that too much anymore. Um, and I, I don't know, I guess I feel a sense of responsibility for them because like, I see where we were kind of let down and I found a way out, I guess maybe. Um, I don't know. I just, I don't want to see them struggle and yeah. Nobody wants to see somebody they love struggle. And at the same time, um, you can't help her be in better shape by running her miles for her.

Yeah. You can help with a workout plan. You can call and check up on her and see how her workouts are going. Y'all can run together. She won't lose weight when you don't eat. That's right. You can't run her miles for her. My recommendation, listening just – and this is not for everybody.

This is just listening to you, is that you and your husband stop cut it off and that may be an email that says we're no longer going to support in this way but right now you need to get okay with you and you're not there yet and giving letting that money leave to try to help you is different than i see a need i'm going to go meet that need right now. You're trying to meet your own needs, right? And then, Dave, you've taught me a lot about stipulation. It's your money to give, right? You can put whatever stipulation on it you want to because it's your money.

You have absolutely zero moral or spiritual obligation for a sibling who is misbehaving. Yeah. None. I set you free right now. It's not your job. Yeah. It's not your job. Yeah.

It's hard to watch. It's very hard to watch people you love be stupid. Yeah. And hurt themselves. They, like, just bought a house. They just bought a house. And, like, I invite, like, they came to me for advice on making their budget to buy the house. And I was like, look, I really don't think this is in y'all's budget.

Because before when we bailed them out, we did, you know, I sat down with her. They went against your advice and bought something they couldn't afford. And then last week they came to you for money. Yeah. Well, today they came to me for money. But, yeah. Did you give it to them today? I did send her money today.

And I told them, I was like, oh, I want to sit down with both of you guys this time because you can't do it on your own. You and your husband have to be in on this. And she doesn't even need to sit down. He doesn't have one because you keep giving money. She doesn't have any to sit down. Yeah, that's true. So not because it's the right thing to do morally because you are a

classic enabler yeah you enablers don't put stipulations on giving a drunk a drink okay now there's nothing morally wrong with giving the guy who says we'll work for food money at the corner because he's in a hard time that's fine but if we wanted to love him better we would stop take the time which takes more time to love someone well it's more inconvenient and we would walk him over to mcdonald's and buy him a meal if he would go if he really will work for tell us what's going on he may just flip you off and tell you to get off his corner but um in which case you know i think we found out the real deal right which is some of both when the guy's standing

out there with a sign and so you want to love people that are hurting well uh but loving them well it does require stipulations it does require not for you, and not because it's the law, but because what is good for her. What you've been doing has not been good for her. You've been financing her crazy butt life. It's not been good for her. You've been giving a drunk a drink. You've been harming your sister

that makes sense yeah yeah oh no definitely makes sense your your lack of courage to say no or not put stipulations on this because you felt somehow you felt better if you just gave her money she would go away without any kind of a conflict or without any kind of her mother's manipulation come your mother's manipulation coming out of your sister's mouth directed at your forehead uh you didn't want to deal with all that and so you cheaped out and gave her money and so make no mistake when you draw this boundary she's gonna be pissed she's gonna come run and bang up against that boundary and see if it holds yep and you are gonna i can't believe you're doing this to us we hate you oh you're miss goody two-shoe oh you're rich you've got it all figured out yeah you forgot you're raising expect all of that and the pain and that hurts first what's wrong with

you i can tell now that you married him right you're gonna hear all this bull crap redneck bull crap i can hear it right now doesn't mean it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong okay yeah and i can say that because i know it well personally okay so uh not not not as a not putting somebody down not you anyway so anyway this is what's going to happen the same stuff that you distance yourself from your parents is what's going to happen when you draw this boundary now what you can do though is just be loving and kind and gentle and say i would love to help you when you complete financial peace university and i get to see the budget that you two are doing together if i can participate in some of your getting out of debt process and you're getting in control we'll try to do that i am no longer going to give you money without you having done that though

or what john said is okay, too. Just to make sure you first get whole and you're doing this from strength, just say, you know what? I would if I could, but I can't right now. I don't feel good about the way this is going. I feel bad. I feel like I'm bringing you harm,

and I just can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry. I love you, but I just can't give you money. Yeah. And if she says, well, if you but I just can't give you money. Yeah. And if she says, well, you know, if you really love me, you give me money. Well, listen, if you have to buy your relationship, that's called prostitution. It's not a real relationship. Yeah.

And so, you know, that's the deal. So if she puts a boundary on you that says the only way we have a relationship is money, then we know how things do it. And after you get your house, you save up for your house, you get it paid off, I mean, you get your down payment, ready to rock and roll, then you might be in a place to say, okay, let's sit down and have this conversation. But you need to heal from the inside out, too. It's okay to say no, and you really, really need to. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial

peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.