The Ramsey Show - App - I’m Being Sued (Hour 2)

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Rachel Cruze & Dr. John Delony discuss: Being sued by a credit card company, The best way to buy new phones, Moving for a better job and cheaper housing. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good friend Rachel Cruz. And we are taking your calls on life and money and relationships, whatever's going on in your world. Give us a shout, 888-825-5225.

Toll-free, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Randall in St. Louis, Missouri. What's up, Randall? In 2019, I went into credit card debt and 2020 hit. Went out of work for a while, let all my credit cards lapse on me. Now I'm being sued by my credit card company and I need your guys' wisdom on what to do. How much do you owe, man? Altogether, about $17,000. For this particular credit card, $6,000. Are the other ones going to be suing you in short order,

or are you current with them? The other two are in collections. This one is the actual credit card company decided to sue me. Okay. How much money do you have? Yeah. I can get a hold of about $2,000. That's the max I have right now. Okay.

Dude, the way you said, are you going to murder somebody? How are you going to get $2,000? The way you just said that, I can get a hold of it. My family understands that i just started the baby steps and they're willing to help me cover this if i can get them to settle it's the most that they'll be able to help me with though because my sister just had a big financial issue herself so okay my mother wanted to help us both out of it okay Okay. Randall, how much money do you make a year? I make a little over $13 an hour.

What do you do? But I work full time. I'm a gas station attendant. I'm also going to college. Okay. What are you studying? Accounting, ironically enough. Accounting, huh? All right. How are you paying for school,

Randall? I took out student loans at the start, but when I first found out about Dave Ramsey, I stopped taking out student loans and I've been barely scraping together enough each semester to be able to cover up a pocket. Okay. Okay. Have you paid, where are you at for this semester? Have you already paid for the full total or are you paying in increments for this semester? I have three payments total. I've paid two of them for the semester. I have one in November. One in November. Okay. Um, okay. I don't, I, here's my, here's my knee jerk reaction. Randall. Um, the money from your mom, is this just a gift that she has surplus and she just says, I want to be able to help you or are you expected to pay this thousand dollars back to her? I would have to pay it back. i know it'd be a family loan yeah

she needs help out at property so she wants me to work it off instead of actually paying her sure sure okay here's the deal randall it's six thousand dollars which i know is a lot okay that's a lot but it's not sixty thousand dollars so you have a thousand dollars to your name you could get another thousand from your mom as a loan uh you're going to school you have there's a lot of stuff happening here and you get paid thirteen dollars an hour where you're at which is drastically under what you could there's a lot of places that are 20 25 an hour So here's what I would do if I were you, Randall, because how old are you? I am 26. I ran into near homelessness right

after high school. Yeah. So it took me a long time to get back on track to where most people start at right out of high school sure absolutely yeah you've had a hard road this is a lot but i i have confidence in you randall and i have confidence in the numbers that i'm seeing so i would keep your thousand dollars as an emergency fund and then i would go and i would uber drive for uber I would work night shifts somewhere. I mean, I would go crazy, work like you've never worked before with a minimum of saying 20 an hour or whatever it is. Because there's a lot of places that are hiring for much higher than what you're doing. And I just think if you get your income up over a period of time, you're going to be able to pay this off. And I would call the credit card company and say, hey, I got, you know, I got 500 bucks to my name and you're not going to get

anything. So either we settle this and we get on a payment plan and you get that in writing to be able to knock out a bunch of this really quickly with a lot of work. And that's the road I want to take because I think, Randall, for you, there's going to be something in this process for you that's going to give a sense of dignity. And I think that going into debt with your mom, all of these things, they sound good in the short term, but I think you have the ability to fix this, Randall. I really do. Randall, here's a question I want to ask you, brother. Are you tired? No, very much.

Like, this has to be old. Like, your sister's gone through this. You've gone through this. You're almost homeless. You and I could probably talk for a couple hours over some nachos. You had a rough go of it as a middle school, high schooler. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah. You're 26. You had a rough go of it as a middle school high schooler. Is that fair? Yeah.

Yeah. You're 26, you're 27. Are you just tired? Yes, very tired. Okay. Here's the thing. Rachel just laid it out beautifully for you. This isn't the moment to go cut corners and to put your mother and your relationship at risk by making it a financial transaction. Now don't do that. Stand up tall, call that number back that where they're suing you. And you can say, I'm coming back from homelessness. I'm working at a gas station. I'm in school. Like Rachel said, you can sue me. I got nothing for you.

You can put me on a payment plan at this percentage rate and send me a thing in writing and I'll settle for $1,000 or $2,000. That's what I can do. And no, the other ones are coming too. Right? And then for the next 24 months,

man, I want you to work like you've never worked before. Can you do that? Yeah. Let me say this. I know you can. Will you? Yes. I plan on getting out of all these debts. This is something that has weighed very heavily up in the last few years. Excellent. There's nobody in your corner more than Rachel and I. And Randall, we see so often,

I can't tell you how many stories of this moment in people's lives, and we kind of call it the sick and tired moment. And this is yours, where you're like, I'm getting sued by this credit card company. I have these lingering things. I feel like I just can't get ahead. It's just this, it's one after the next of not feeling like, what am I doing? I've had it. What I've been, what I have done up until this point is not working. I have to change. And this is your moment, Randall. This is it. So hold on the line.

Austin's going to pick up. We're going to send you both a copy of Total Money Makeover, Dave's book, Starts the Baby Steps, and a year subscription to Financial Peace University. And I want you to have every dollar of the budgeting app. So those three things together, I'm going to send them on your past, change your future. We're giving you a ton of stuff, Randall, because we believe in you.

You can do this. This is your moment, Randall. This is your moment to say no more, no more. You've got this. The This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Caleb in Los Angeles, California. What is up, Caleb?

Hey, guys. How you doing? Good, my brother. What's up? So I'll get right to it. The question is, do I just need to somehow make a copious amount of money to stay living here, or do I need to take my wife and five kids and move away? That was an excellent use of the word copious amount of money to stay living here or do i need to take my wife and five kids and move away that was an excellent use of the word copious just to start the call uh give us some more context man sure yeah yeah so um you know nose to the grindstone through baby step two like i'm sure most of your listeners and we look up one day we're debt free then we get pregnant with twins which is still

exciting um and then so now we have five small children under six and i can finally move on to baby step 3b and that's when i you know can really look around i'm like oh my gosh these starter homes are eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars and you've got five kids you got a house full of you got seven people yes yes there's seven um yeah so there's seven of us and we homeschool um i'm in the i'm in the film industry but i don't have to be here i'm a producer director so i can travel around and i own a podcast uh business but um my income is probably like this year i'll probably close out right around $140,000 before taxes. But it's not always like that. You know, it's up and down entrepreneur.

So, yeah, guys, I mean, I don't know what to do. Like, do I just hightail it out of here? Or, you know, I don't I have no idea what to do. I just I've literally never been in this just no clue what to do. And the main the main motivation to move is just is financial would that be number one for sure really the only big reason or is there any other motivating factors that you're like man we kind of do what we're we're kind of feeling like we want we want to change yeah so like when i left when i left texas money was definitely a factor right can i can i get get

a promotion can i get a different job? Can I make more money? But the broader conversation with me and my wife and ultimately for our kids was, we want a different life. I want my kids to run around in the creeks and in the trees. And we want to have a different life than was available to us where we were. And that was the ultimate, are we going to leave here? The money definitely played into that, but it was a life question. So yeah, I would ask you, do you love your life there in California? And do you love the life of Los Angeles?

And you got 15 kids that you're raising down there. Do you like that? Or are y'all looking for, because this sounds like it's an existential question, right? This is a different, you've reached the question that so many filmmaker buddies of mine reach, or artists of mine say, like, all right, am I going to go all in on this? I got five kids.

Can I earn a living? All those questions, right? So what's the main motivation behind this question? Yeah, I think it's that. I mean, you guys have had hundreds of callers complaining about California, so I'll spare you the political rant, but just insert that right here. And then in addition, um, we actually live about an hour North in Ventura. It's like a beach town, 70 degrees every single day. So, I mean, yeah, it's paradise, but all of our friends are dual income, you know, working constantly, you know? Yeah. So I'm looking at my kids and their kids. I'm looking at what's the legacy, like, are they going to be able to afford

a home? Um, I definitely can. I mean, look, I can do anything, right? So of course I could make more money and I could make, you know, I could do the plan, but on the forecast right now, it's just not there. But to answer your question, Dr. John question dr john um yeah i would love to like we could do that legacy elsewhere seems easier and i just cannot get a home with the with the current plan now so yeah we're up to moving um so we'd have to say goodbye to the perfect weather but yeah and hey make no mistake i was in um doing some media in hollywood a few months ago and i just well i i just started laughing i walked out of my hotel that morning and i was like oh this is why everybody moves here it was magic right the weather was perfect people were so

kind like i get that and that was a snapshot that was a two those were two days i was there i didn't have to deal with the traffic or the politics or the drama a cool thing about living in texas or tennessee and other a couple other states is there's no such thing as state income tax right so there's a whole bunch of other factors there um but yeah there's a reason why Rachel and I are have a bunch of new neighbors from Los Angeles and New York yeah come move in my neighborhood Caleb and I live in the woods and my neighbors are from California. So yeah, it's happening. There's a, and there's a math, not that math has to be the, the, the director of your life, right? It's not the number one factor of your life,

but looking at the math, it's like, you, you know, the cost of living where things are higher and it's going to be higher where you are. And so there's a point where it's like, okay, I'm looking at my income. I'm looking at our expenses, and I'm looking at what we want or what we actually will fit all of our 18 kids and our family and enjoy. I actually can make decent money still. And I'm going to have more that we're going to have as a family to use, whether that's for investing or saving or giving or spending. So, yeah, I mean, there's a true math equation there that you just end up better when you're not living in these high cost of living areas it just is what it is and so for you guys if you just got to a point where you're just sick of it and you're like it's just we're

done um here's how we did this psychologically in my house caleb yeah because my wife and i had lived in texas every day of our life And so leaving this was a cultural move for us. It was an environmental move for us. It had a bunch of different factors. We sat down and said, let's make a three-year commitment. And we know that the first six months we're going to be lonely and it's going to be wild and I got a new job. And I don't even know how the DMV works here.

And there's different laws, different rules. Everything's different. And so we're going to commit through that. This idea that if we leave, we can never go back to California. It's not true. You can, you can move everybody back and y'all have a, y'all figure it out because you're smart and scrappy and good and you know what you're doing. And so I would say, Hey, let's make a 36 month commitment. Let's pick a place, whether it's North Carolina or Texas or any, you anywhere Kansas go to Kansas man Kansas beautiful go somewhere where you're gonna have the life that you want and it's gonna allow you so much more financial flexibility than what you're dealing with right now and still continue

to be able to create and do film and produce and direct and do all those things that you love to do yeah it sounds like in your heart you're gone now you're just dealing with the angst of i made a hard decision and now what do we do now yeah absolutely all right it's tough good oh you better say something i was just like it's i mean it's tough caleb because it's like you know especially after you're a parent you're like okay i'm making decisions not just for me and after you're married it's your spouse and then once you have little ones that you're responsible for it's like all right i'm making it's a big deal. There's a weight to it. So I so appreciate his like hesitation and really thinking through it.

But I also think there's a reality to the math and the value of living that you want with your family. And this always brings to mind an important, I heard this from a counselor friend of mine in relation to breakups. But I think it applies all across the board. This idea that just because it hurts, just because it's uncomfortable,

just because you get sad, just because you're grieving doesn't mean it's not the right decision. Right. And people would break up and think I'm hurting so bad. Two days after we've been married or not married, we've been dating for two years or we've been married for a long time and we divorced and it hurts so bad. I must've made a mistake. And it's like, no, no no you made the right call hurting is part of this process yeah so

leaving the city where all five of your kids were born leaving the adventure and all the excitement that is la um that's gonna be a bummer right believing that weather that incredible weather um there's a cool thing that happens in tennessee that doesn't happen in Los Angeles. And it's waterfalls from the sky several times a week. It's so crazy. They call it rain. And it's amazing. And it fills up in these basins called lakes. It's crazy.

And you get four seasons. Yeah, you get all four. You get all four. You get all four. It's great. Caleb, give it a shot, man. Give it a shot. And, okay, sorry.

I know we're continuing on this, but also, on the total flip side of how we've answered this, we had a debt-free scream last week with a family from California, and they paid off their mortgage. Yeah, they figured it out. And they were like, you know, math does apply in California, because that's always our joke here, that everyone's like, well, I can't do that because I'm from California. And they did it, and they paid off their house and all of it. So, will it take a longer time? You get less house for more? I mean, all of that, yes. But you still can own a home in California.

Absolutely. Or, Caleb, maybe you quit doing indie stuff, and you start shooting features, and you get into that world, and you get to make more money and say, this is just the life we're going to live. If you made more money, Caleb, would that change the conversation? Ooh, yeah. So if somebody just dropped $300,000 on you,

Would you move? Would you you, would you move? Would you move or would you stay? Is that a fair question? I don't know. We'll be right back. welcome back to the ramsey Show. Taking your call. Calls anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225. It's a free call. Talk about your life, your money, your career, your relationships, anything and everything.

I'm Rachel Cruz with Dr. John Deloney. And going to the phones to Will in Salt Lake City. Hey, Will. Welcome to the show. Hey, thanks for having me and taking my call, guys. I appreciate it. Absolutely. How can we help? So currently in my situation, I'm a school teacher currently, and the finances in our area, just because our rent is going up higher and higher every month, I'll be. From what I've been told, I'll start paying around $1,800 a month by February.

Yeah, it's a killer, especially for our pay in this area. And so I'm looking to move outside of the area and look at other opportunities. I've already reached out to some people in other districts that I know in other areas, and the pay is higher and the rent is about $1,000 cheaper. Sounds like a good win, man.

Yeah. Especially for where it is. Um, right now the, uh, the tentative offer will be in Salda in Alaska. You said other districts. I thought you meant in your neighborhood. No, no, absolutely not. Are you teaching at Oates Military Academy? What are you doing there in Alaska? Same thing. I'd be teaching still. I'm also familiar with this area because I go up there almost every year for fishing every summer. You have a family, Will? No, I do not.

I'm single. I just have a dog. Dude, get it, man. That's fine. I'm actually jealous. What can we help you with? No, I do not. I'm single. I just have a dog. Dude, get it, man. Well, that's fine. I'm actually jealous. What can we help you with? I'm just trying to get an idea of financially what you guys think would be realistic in terms of going from here to moving up there.

A million dollars. I am going to... I'm just kidding. I am looking at finishing up... Yeah, it's all good now. I'm looking at finishing up the school year here because I just don't think it's the right thing to leave at the middle of the semester. Good for you. With the students I have.

So I want to finish up the school year and then leave probably near mid-June. The only things I'm looking at taking is what I can fit in the back of a pickup pretty much. Well, there you go. I mean, it sounds like all you need is gas money, huh? And deposit money on a new place? Yeah, it's, I mean, realistically, the nice part too is I'll be paid over the summer still for my previous job because my contract will end in August. Excellent.

But the only other part is that the weirdest part, I guess, is I am switching out vehicles because in that area, I am likely going to need a truck more or less in that area. And I currently have a Camry. I am making payments on it monthly because I'm on a loan plan. I'm paying about $520 a month. I've already talked to lenders. It's going to be way less than that. It's going to be closer to $290 once I switch to the other vehicle and get up there.

Why would you postpone switching vehicles? Right now, the gas mileage for the vehicle is great. Yeah, but is it worth $250 a month in payment? You can't be saving that much money on gas. Yeah, I mean, I make an extra thousand with a side job that I use my vehicle for currently. Okay. And a truck for my side job. Well, what other debt? Okay, so how much do you have left on the car? There's about 20 on it.

Okay. What other debt do you have? Once I get it, that's it. Just the car? Yeah, just my parents and I were fortunate enough to, I worked 80 hours a week in college. So I picked off everything. Awesome.

Good for you. And how much, how much do you make a year teaching? Like how much will you have for the rest of the year? Currently 56. Uh, once I move up there, it will be 62, 63. Okay. How much cash do you have in the bank right now? Um, just very minimum.

I think it's about a thousand. I've just been trying to attack that car. And so that's why I'm kind of holding off on that to try to get enough money to move up. Okay. Yeah. If I'm you, Will, I mean, I would even, I wonder if you just Kelly Blue booked it. I'm just curious of what you could get, because my goal for you when you move to Alaska is that you have no payments and you have a good emergency funds, you know know of maybe two months worth of expenses just because of the catch-all of moving I mean when you enter into any new season whether you're leaving college and starting a job weddings kids moving I mean all of these they just bring more expenses than usually

we expect so to have any level of buffer is going to be really, really important. So I would be curious, you know, what's an, if you, what you could get for it, if you Kelly blue booked this, uh, got, got a cheap car, basically had no payments and just saved everything like crazy between now and Alaska. Once you get to Alaska, you have some money saved and maybe even using some of that money to buy a car and to buy your truck and cash after you sell the junkie car that you may get here in the next few months putting some money together and get maybe a crappy truck in Alaska if you need to and then you can move up from there but cash flowing all of this as soon as possible would be my goal just because of this big transition coming up I mean I would I would, I would really, really focus on that. So that would be, that's what I would do. Well, if I woke up in your shoes.

Okay. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's worth about 26, 27,000 currently. Oh, wow. Okay. You know what? I mean, I would, well, and what do you, what do you own it? 20, 20, bro. I would sell that. Yeah. get a $7,000, $8,000 car, and then just start saving some cash to use for your truck when you get to Alaska and an emergency fund. Absolutely, man. For both of it. So thanks for the call, Will,

and excited for you on this journey because it sounds like you got Baby Step 1 covered, that $1,000, like you said, and you're starting to pay off the debt. If you sell this thing, buy a $5,000 car. And you save the car payment of 520 a month every month you're you've launched through baby step two and you're well into baby step three yeah i mean you could really catapult that's what's so fascinating john about this stuff is like it's these moves

slingshot yeah it's these little moves right that can just get you there and there's a lot of people this is not to like shame you Will, but just as an example, that are driving, you know, a family and they got two crappy cars. They're not worth anything to sell. They're paid off, but they're working through their credit card debt and their student loans.

And they just wish they could have this like kind of magic pool of like, oh my gosh, I could like make this one move and then it's all gone. That's right. And it's all gone. That would be amazing. So I think you're just an incredible position to really catapult you forward in the baby step. So thanks so much for the call. All right. Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of

custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promo codes they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Ryan in North Carolina. Ryan writes, I have a 14 year old daughter who has a large sum of money from a settlement because of a school bus accident that occurred when she was 10. This money is currently held in an accident in an account in her name that will all be given to her when she turns 18. And my wife and I cannot do anything out of without a judge's order until she turns 18. My question is how can we best help her to prepare to invest it when that time comes?

She has more than enough to pay for college and we want to make sure she uses it responsibly. That's a great question. Sorry for the accident though. So this is, I love this question and here's why. As a parent, it's so easy for me to parent by i have something you don't have i've got food you have to do what i say or i've got bigger muscles than you you have to do what i say and all the literature tells me that's a terrible way to enter into a lifelong relationship with your kid and most importantly teach them to become good adults.

And there's moments when you have to step in that gap. But this parent is facing the other side of it, which is my daughter's about to have a whole bunch of money. Right. And so my influence over her is four years and counting. And what I would tell you, Ryan, is you double you double triple quadruple down on a couple of things one relationship you can't lead this this young woman by um I've got something you can't lead like that it's got to be hey let's sit and talk about this or let's have a regular scheduled time together so we can develop relationships so that four years from now when she asks you a hard question you've built a well of trust that she

trusts you the second thing is she's watching every move you make with your money and so the better you are with your money the more likely she is to follow into that same yep and talk about it i would make it as normal as possible so it's not like when she's 18 it's like here's $30,000 and it's like what? That it's so normal that it's like oh yeah that's been there. That's the money coming. There's no shock factor. And there's already a plan for it. Yes. You talk about it, talk about it, talk about it and the more normal it is

the more she understands why behind it there's a level of maturity there that she hopefully will make the right decisions. But ultimately too when she turns 18 she's 18. She's off to see the wizard. Yeah. And my hope is you've got a relationship that she hopefully will make the right decisions. But ultimately, too, when she turns 18, she's 18. She's off to see the wizard, yeah. And my hope is you've got a relationship that she will ask you to come along. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Tim in Oklahoma City.

Hey, Tim, what's up, man? Hello. What's up? I am 53 years old. I'm going through a divorce. And I spent the last couple years as a stay-at-home dad homeschooling my son. And I really, I don't have anything. I mean, the baby steps is definitely where I'm at. I wish I'd have known about

all this sooner in life, but I didn't have parents. My mom taught us to cocaine and lose, and my dad taught us to fight and booze and now I'm going to a divorce my wife's trajectory is going out of the roof she gets a lot of Facebook attention and Instagram attention and that is a contributing factor but I don't I'm I'm. I'm 53 years old and I'm scared. Yeah. But I don't, I have zero. I'm sorry, man. It's not your fault. No, I know, but you're my brother and... You know, I mean, my parents have some blame,

but they don't, they've never been parents, you know? That's right. They did the best they could do, and it was really terrible. You know, my dad tried to throw me through a plate glass window when I was three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know. I know.

Hold on, hold on. Hold on. The moment it hurts, you start deflecting and wanting to go backwards, you want to go forwards, you want to talk about them, you want to talk about someone else. You got to just sit in it for a second, okay? It hurts. Because out of this hurt right here, we call it grief, out of this comes that scary, terrifying question,

what are you going to do next? Exactly. Okay. And I think with all my heart, you've got childhood traumas that are killing you from the inside out. I have no doubt about that. Really? I bet you've got regrets with your kids.

You have kids? I do. I have a 36-year-old daughter, a 24-year-old daughter, and a 7-year-old son. Different parents, different mothers. Okay. You've had a long road, right? Yeah, I'm tired. There you go.

Tired. I can hear it in you, man. I'm so tired. I can hear it in you. I don't know what to do. I mean, like I said, I'm 53. It's literally starting over. I'm frozen out of the bank account.

I live day to day on just trying to get by, actually. My body's broken. I can't do construction like I did. I live in a rural community. The largest metropolitan city. I don't live in Oklahoma City per se. I live outside of Oklahoma City. It's an hour and a half away. Are you ready for everything to be different? Yeah, I've been chasing different my whole life and every time I do it all. Okay.

Who's somebody you can call right now that's a friend, an old friend, somebody you trust? I mean, I do, but I don't. No, no, no. You do. You don't want to. I don't want anyone to know how bad it is. You know what that is? That's shame, my brother.

And that will kill you. I'm going to say I have a lifetime of it I know secrets will kill you if you look at Facebook I could care less about Facebook I could care less about Facebook it's a fantasy could care less about Facebook

Instagram all that crap you need a real friend in your life that you can look at and say, I don't know what to do next. And the moment you say that in the presence of somebody else that you love and trust, you will feel lighter than you have felt in 30 years.

I have. I've reached out and I get the... I mean, people love me, but they don't know how to help me. Okay. It's got to be a both and. Okay. You need to sit down with someone and say, I need help making a plan,

whether that's a pastor, whether that's a local counselor at a community counseling center that's not going to charge you anything, whether that's a friend that you trust that owns a business that you have a sketchy past with because you've messed them over a few times. I've not ever done that. I know. Hey, I'm just putting it out there, brother. I'm on your team.

I'm just saying the time for ego and the time for pride. I've helped people when I couldn't even help myself. It's left the building. And you happen to have hit the bottom in the single greatest job economy in the history of this country. And now's the time to go to Taco Bell. Now's the time to go work at Arby's. Now's the time to go do...

No, I agree. I agree. I'm just so far away. And then, like... Then it's... I have Joy Cassidy and my son, so every other day, you know, and I don't have a support group like she does. She has her parents.

Tim. Tim. Tim, Tim. You're going to have to make some short-term sacrifices to turn your thing around. I don't want to abandon my son. I know. But in an effort to not, quote-unquote, abandon him, you're going to drown yourself. In six months of going to get yourself

financially stable, getting a place to live, getting a job or two jobs or three jobs, getting some not respect from your community, but respect from that guy you see in the mirror because you don't like that guy. Getting some respect back from that guy

is going to come back and you're going to be six inches taller with that little boy. Mentally, I need my son, though, because I don't have anybody else. And I already feel like he aligns with his mom, and he pulls away. And when the days he pulls away, I almost can't deal with it. Because, like, I can't go into how bad it was for me. I tried my whole life to get my love from my mother and she's been nothing but cruel. I was suicidal at one time and you know, she didn't care.

And then, you know, sometimes you just want that parent to say, Hey, and I'm never, I'm never going to get that. Okay. I don't want to do that to my son. Tim, where are you living right now? Right now in the marital house until she's at her parents'. Is that a month from now? How far away until you don't have a place to live anymore? Probably about a week.

Okay. So that is our A1. We've got to have somewhere to live. You're not going to be homeless. You've got to take is our A1. We've got to have somewhere to live. You're not going to be homeless. You've got to take care of your son. We've got to put food on the table. Do you have any bills that you have to pay? Any debt?

I let my truck go back. I have no debt. I have no debt. How much money do you have in the bank? Nothing. Zero dollars? Zero dollars. Okay, then we've got to go to work today,

and we've got to find a local community, a local church, and we've got to let them know that you are not doing well and that you need some help right now and see what they can do for you. That might be a roof over your head. That might be a meal. But you've got to stop living alone, and you can't put this on your son. No, I agree. Hey, Tim, listen to me.

In a group of 100 people, I'm alone. Tim, do you abuse your son? No, I agree. It doesn't matter. In a group of 100 people, I'm alone. Tim, do you abuse your son? No, hell no. Okay, listen, listen, listen. Do you abandon your son? I feel like I'm going to have to in order to get on my feet. There is nothing similar about you and your mom. There is nothing. No, she did things on purpose. Hold on, hold on. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. You are not your mom. You are not your mom. There is nothing. She did things on purpose. Hold on. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. You are not your mom. You are not your dad. Your separation from your son for six months to go somewhere where you can actually get work and get yourself straightened out, get yourself some counseling that you need is not abandonment. That's called love. Don't tell me that people who go on deployment are abandoning their kids or people who go to rehab for 30 days or 60 days or 90 days or six months are abandoning their kids. They're not.

Because getting yourself, Tim, in the most stable, healthiest position, emotionally, financially, all all of this that is the biggest gift you can give to your son because when you are you know even the conversation we're having right now uh the the kind of the back and forth I mean I hear the pain I hear the pain in your voice and the story that you've been through I can't even. And the best thing you can do, Tim, for your son, the biggest gift you can give him is a healthy dad, a dad that is supporting himself. It's not going to be the luxury life on Facebook like you're comparing it to. None of that. Cut all that out. But to have a dad who is stable and can love him well with a full, healthy heart, that is the biggest gift

you can give him, Tim. So you're not abandoning him. You're doing something. You're giving him a gift by doing this. You can do it. Make the call today and let some people know I'm not okay and I'm ready to go to work. We'll be right back. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.