The Ramsey Show - App - I’m Buried in Debt, My Wife Is Sick, and I Don’t Know What To Do (Hour 2)

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

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Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money, your life, your relationships, your mental health, your small business, anything and everything. I'm John Deloney, joined here by Christy Wright, and we are talking to you, good folks, about whatever's on your mind. Give us a shout, 888-825-5225.

It's 888-825-5225. Let's go to John out in Flint, Michigan. What's up, brother John? Hey, thank you for taking my call. So I'm actually kind of in a bad mental state and kind of got thrown into a situation where

it kind of put my family behind. So I kind of dug myself more in debt. What's going on? About two months ago, I got laid off from my job because they weren't really willing to work with my scheduled meeting to take care of my wife and my kids due to my wife having a neurological disorder. So they laid me off. I was able to pick up a job really quickly, but I had to wait a month to pick back up. Now with the new job, I'm making a little bit more hourly, but

I'm also losing out on a bonus. So I'm kind of losing money. So I'm just kind of in a rough spot trying to get myself back on my feet and my family back on their feet. And not really sure where to go because my schedule with work now kind of puts me in a situation where I can't pick up a second job. Sure. Um, so let's back up a little bit. Is your number one,

you got a lot going on. Just want to honor you for a second and just say, Ooh, it's a lot. Man, your wife's struggling and she's hurting. Your kids are just kids. How old are they?

Seven and three. Yeah, you're in it, man. You are all in it. Everything from, is God real, to changing diapers still. You're in it, right? I guess you're not changing diapers at three anymore, but who knows. When you say your family's behind or you're losing money, I want you to expand on that a little bit. Do you have enough money to pay your bills

or have y'all just got behind for a month and it's just going to take some time to catch up? Is this an existential behind or is this a we don't have enough money for food behind? It was. We don't have enough money for food behind, but my mother-in-law did step in to help me with a couple grand. Not a couple grand, but a couple hundred dollars to help us buy some food. But a lot of what ended up being was put onto a credit card, which threw us about three grand deeper into debt. Okay.

You, you, you, you had a hurricane hit you and you survived. And so what's done is done. And there's a period at the end of that sentence. What does today look like? Do you have,

do you make enough money to pay your bills? Yeah. Um, I'll be making, I think 95 or between 75 and 95 a year now with a new job. So, I mean, I'll be able to float. But I'm also, I mean, just in student loans alone, I'm almost $350,000 in debt. What did you take out $315,000 in student loans for?

So, I was a, I got my law degree. Okay. I have not passed my state bar. This was a couple years ago that I graduated. But with life and everything, I haven't been able to study and take the bar again. Okay. But I'm a mortgage underwriter, and I am doing well with that. Yeah.

There's a lot, a lot of lawyers not making that kind of money. Yeah. And your wife can't work, right? She's got neurological challenges. Yes. With neurological disorder. I mean, she has her own business. She does do cosmetic stuff with her own, with her own business.

But it's only been open for a couple of years. So it's been a negative for the most part. But, I mean, she is trying to do more with that now. Okay. The reality is, yeah, you're in a hard, hard situation, and at some point you're going to have to make the shovel bigger. It sounds like right now y'all are going to have to survive for a season. Do y'all have family nearby at all?

We have family by, but they're not really able to help any. Okay. The thing that's jumping out to me, John, as you're asking all the details about this, is you need some support, John. Yeah, you need a break. And I don't know where that comes in. I don't know if it's help with the kids, help with your wife,

help with both. Someone to help your wife, help her business become profitable. She doesn't have a business. She has a hobby right now. It's losing money. Yeah. I think it could become profitable right now. It's actually draining your bank account instead of enhancing it. And I don't know what her capacity is, but if she had help, she may be able to actually contribute to the income, especially if she enjoys doing it. But I just, I think you need help. Like you cannot do this by yourself. You're making a good income. And yes, you can tackle this debt, but the shortest route between you and being debt-free

with everything you've got going on is going to be to get some help in your corner. And I don't know what that looks like. That's where I just don't have it. There's really no one to kind of help or support or anything like that. Are there any resources for like the medical community in your area or church community? I mean, let's think outside the box here because I do believe there's some help.

Maybe we just haven't explored a creative outlet for that. John, what I hear. We've reached out. Yes. I mean, we've reached out to my daughter's school. They go to a Lutheran school. They said that they were looking to help us get, like, kind of sponsored there. Haven't heard anything back on that.

Reached out to our church. They really weren't in a situation to really help us really at all either. John, here's what I mean. It's just one of those things. But listen, listen, uh, John, here's, I mean, it's, it's just when I say, I mean, but listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. I really haven't looked into was my VA kind of help. Are you, you're a veteran as well? Yes. Yes. So here's what, it sounds like a guy who is exhausted and overwhelmed. Am I fair? Is that fair? Very much so. Okay. Even saying I owe $300,000 in student loans, I make upwards of $95,000 a year.

I'm smart enough to get through law school. I've struggled with the bar. That's fine. Lots of brilliant people do. And I don't know how we're going to make ends meet, but I've got to keep my kids in private school. There's just some hard conversations, some hard realities you'll have to face. We're still running a makeup cosmetic business, but it's failing.

You all have to have some hard, hard conversations in your home. You, my brother, need to. And you've reached a point where those conversations are all taking place at the exact same time in your head, and it's overwhelming. You're starting to feel like you're drowning. Am I right? Yep. Yes.

So here's the bravest, strongest thing you can do in this season of your life is go find somebody to talk to. Whether that's a mentor, whether that's a friend that you trust, whether that's a counselor, you could say, I don't have enough money. I'm telling you right now, you don't have enough money not to. Go sit down with somebody and what they're going to walk you, you just need somebody to sit with for a second and begin to pull all these thoughts that are looping and

looping and looping and spinning, spinning, begin to pull them apart and say, is this true or is this not? Is this your reality forever? Is this your reality for right now? Yes, 1000%. I know you want to stay away from the VA. They've got resources for you. Give them a call. If you don't call them, that's your pride talking.

And we need to put that aside and start dealing with some of these emergencies here. And like Christy said, people may not be able to help you with cash, but they might be able to help you with your time. They may be able to just let you and your wife go on a walk. Write a list of what you need. What specific tactical help do you need? And then start looking for people to fill those gaps. I think sometimes when you're overwhelmed, you don't know what you need. Our famous $10 sale is here for Christmas.

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I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend and bestselling author, Christy Wright. We're taking your calls on life and money, relationships, small businesses, everything, 888-825-5225. Christy, we talked about another hour. The questions for humans is here. I'm so excited about this because I love fun conversations. And this is literally – another subtitle could be fun conversation starters because you just ask such interesting questions that bring fun conversations to life. I love it. Thank you.

So we talked about this previously. This comes from a – so many folks have written into my show saying, all right, so we're doing all the stuff you say. We are all getting together and having connection time. No screens. We have no screens, and now we're just staring at each other. We don't know what to do next. Or we just keep talking, and all it ends up talking about is politics and drama and crap.

And so we created three decks of cards. They're called Questions for Humans. There's one for friends. You and your buddies are just going out to have a drink, chips and salsa. You're grabbing a cigar, and you're just going to talk, and you're going to pull these things out. This is a good way for people who don't know how to be vulnerable with each other.

It can be like, oh, I just got to answer the question, bro. And it's helpful. Or just couples are going out with other couples. And there's one for people who are romantic with one another. And they have had the last 24 months, and they're not so romantic anymore romantic anymore and we are staring at each other and we're tired of talking about our kids and mask policies and your opinions on the vaccine but there is no covid no politics just had to reconnect and then we got another deck of cards that i envision for moms and dads and pickup lines at schools just trying to engage in conversation with their kids. It's multi-generational, so grandparents can talk to their grandkids around a Thanksgiving table, stocking stuffers, whatever.

So a lot of fun. Pull one out there and ask one. All right. I love this one. What does it mean to be cool? This one's for kids, but I want you to answer it. What does it mean to be cool? You're like a grown-up kid sometimes, Delonious.

Strongly disagree. What does it mean to be cool? Yeah. It a grown up kid sometimes Deloney. Strongly disagree. What does it mean to be cool? Yeah. It means I know I'm really ready for you. If I being cool means I am secure in myself

and I don't I don't care what other people think about the things that I'm currently doing. I could not agree more. Is that fair? Confidence. Just being you and being okay that's a better word yeah yeah confident to me that is the coolest absolutely yeah and so people think oh i want to it's the leather jacket or it's the shoes it's not it's how that person's walking through a room yeah yeah i love it that's cool my son carter one of his best friends i mean these are seven year olds yeah but i've spent a lot of time with him and he is so he's not the coolest kid in the class i'm doing air quotes here of like i don't think he's like the you know the most popular he is so confident though and to

me he is absolutely the coolest when you're around he's just like yeah i'm just me like he's just he's not trying to impress anybody he's just good with whatever that My son rolls like that. Yes. I'll say, how do you leave the house looking like that? His shirt's inside out, hair's all, and he's like, that's cool, man. Yeah, I feel like I'm good with it. I would love to be as cool as my kid. It's so cool. All right, let's go to Louis in San Jose, California. What's up, Louis?

Hi, John. Hi, Christy. Thank you for taking my call. Oh, it's Lois. Lois. Yep, yep's Lois. Lois. Lois. The reading. All right, so what's up?

That's okay. Thank you so much, both of you. I love all your shows and the Vegan Currency show. So I'm in baby step two and just about to complete the last student loans that I have, $20,000. All right. Thank you. about to complete the last student loans that I have, $20,000. All right. By the way, I hope my accent doesn't get in the way. No, we got you.

You're good. Right up here. So, okay, I wanted to ask, we just found out about Dave Ramsey two years ago, and we were beginning to build our own house, And I was $90,000 in debt. And you know, he just messed me up. So I've been paying off the debt and I completed building our house this last August. We dedicated the whole, what, $150,000. It's not in this country, so that's what more.

But we want to start a small business. And I'm hoping to complete the debt payment in December, end of December. So I was wondering, should I invest in retirement, put more money in retirement, or invest in a small business that my husband and I want to invest in? And, yeah, that's my question. And the next question I had was, how do I take investments for a Roth account? Because I just recently opened one and I am just in a blackout. Okay. I have some follow-up questions, Lois. So I just want to make sure I'm tracking with you here.

When you say you have $20,000 left in debt, that has nothing to do with the house, right? That's just consumer debt. So, yeah, the $20,000 I'm going to pay is student loans, about $16,000, and the last credit card that I have, about $4,000. Okay, and did you say that you paid $150,000 to build a house not in this country yes I we built our house in cash we were born raised in Kenya so we built a nice house in Kenya we just wanted to go back and build something nice back home previously I had built a house for my mother also in cash. So I was not following the beauty steps.

I was just focused on giving my family something better than what I had when I grew up, yeah. No, that's great. So where do you live here? So I live in Sunnyvale. I work for Stanford Healthcare. Do you own a home here? Do you rent? No, so I moved from a house that was costing us about $5,000 a month to an apartment that cost me about $2,000 a month.

Yes, when I found out about the rent, so that has allowed me to save quite a bit to pay off a lot of debts. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I just want to make sure I've got all the details here because there's a lot going on here. Are you familiar with our baby steps? I know you said you're familiar with Dave Ramsey. Are you familiar with our baby steps and the order that they go in?

Yes. I attended FBU two years ago. Oh, awesome. And I began to budget, but I was building. I just started to build, so I'm budgeting for the building. I need $1,000 in emergency fund. I think I had emergencies every month. Sure.

I could see that. I could see that. Well, you've got a couple, kind of not complicated, but a couple different situations here because of the house you're talking about and so on. But let's just talk about today here in the United States, you in California, you're really still in baby step number two. And so do you have $1,000 like somewhere set aside for some type of emergency? Yeah.

Okay. So we've got that. Yeah, that I have religiously. Okay, great. So you're going to pay off that some type of emergency. Okay. So we've got that. Yeah. I have the agency. Yeah. Okay, great. So you're going to pay off that last bit of debt. You said you're very close about $20,000 left and then you're going to be

debt free, but there's still some things that you want to do before you save up to buy a house here potentially, um, or before you start investing in baby step four and that's, you're going to be in baby step three, where you save three to six months of expenses in a savings account above and beyond. This is after your debt. So you're going to build up that $1,000 to three to six months of expenses.

And then you really just need to make a decision at that point. Do you want to save up for a down payment on a house? Or do you want to invest in a business? What kind of business are you thinking about starting? So we want to start a hardware business, a hardware store. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Well, that's the type of thing where that's going to take some startup costs. I would still encourage you to think of your kind of 1.0 version of your idea. But let's get out of debt, get three to six months of expenses saved up. And then you sit down with your spouse and you have a conversation about what the next goal is. If you guys are wanting to buy a house, you might want to go ahead and start saving for that and figure out how you could start this business.

The smallest viable option to prove your idea, prove your concept, begin to serve the marketplace. Maybe you sublease a corner of an existing retail storefront and you're not taking on the overhead of a full lease and that type of thing. Prove your concept and start to build that business on a small, small scale. And then you're just not having all that cost up front while you get some cash in the door, prove the concept and then, and then you can gradually build it up, but you're doing great. We just need to get that emergency fund main thing right now.

Yeah, and it sounds like you're scattered. Yeah. Whenever you start feeling scattered, whenever I start feeling scattered, I've been doing this for years, and even I start feeling scattered, I always just got to go back to those seven little simple steps. Yeah, in order. I overcomplicate it.

I'm just going to get right back in order. Not over-dramatize it. Over-complicate it. And don't take out money to start this hardware business, Lois. No. You've worked too hard to be debt-free. Congratulations on your success. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show, and we have a beautiful person on the debt-free stage. Pamela, how are you doing? I'm doing all right. How about yourself?

Good. Are you nervous? A little bit. You're going to do great. You're doing great already. Deloney's more nervous than you. Don't even worry. Really? I assure you, I am more nervous than you. Yes. Okay, so Pamela, where are you from?

I'm originally from Puerto Rico. Excellent. Yes, I've been in Tennessee now six years. We're so glad that you're here. Thank you. Awesome. And then what brought you to Tennessee? Oh, man.

Back home life is really hard. Good. So I needed to be able to pursue my career. So I moved here just for opportunities, literally with a suitcase and $500 in my bank account. Wow. Yeah. What a story. All right, so how much have you paid off?

$28,803. And how long did that take you? 18 months. Whoa. How much were you making? At the beginning, I was making about $31,500. Ended up with $45,000 at the end of this. Awesome. So make it $45,000? Mm-hmm. So, you paid off almost $30,000 in 18 months. That means you got after it. Oh, yes. Wow. Okay, so what in the world happened 18 months ago that you said, enough is enough? Oh, gosh.

I'm freaking Pamela. It's time. March 2020. Okay. Yes. It was maybe two weeks before the big shutdown here in Tennessee. Tell me what happened in March of 2020. I don't remember.

Is there anything? Wow. Okay, so they shut down everything. Yes. It was maybe two weeks before the big shutdown here in Tennessee. Tell me what happened in March of 2020. I don't remember. Wow. Okay, so they shut down everything. Yes. I work in mental health, so we're always open. And two days before payday, my car broke down, and they asked for $975 to pay it off to fix it. And I looked at my bank account, and I'm like,

my credit cards are completely maxed. I don't have any money. I have to wait until payday. So I had to call out of work because I didn't have a car to get to work, and I didn't have the money to fix it, so I had to ask my mom for money at 33. That's terrible, embarrassing. And that kind of was just the stop. I was too afraid. I was very afraid of what was going on in the world, and then this was happening, too, and was just the stop. I was too afraid. I was very afraid of what was going on in the world. And then this was happening too, and I just had it. So how did you get connected with us?

How did you get connected with Ramsey and the plan and all that? Yeah, I've always been very frugal, but I've always tried to figure out better ways to do it. I was just kind of ish before I even knew I was ish. Okay. And I had listened to one of his YouTube videos in the past about a year and a half ago, a year before I started this whole thing

and I heard him talk, calling people stupid and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's not me. I'm not going to listen to this guy and then come, you know, fast forward, I had to sit down with myself and say, I don't care if he's calling people stupid. I didn't feel that I was being stupid. I was just trying to survive here.

But the reality is that it was still the same effect. I might not be stupid, but I'm still in debt and I need to fix this. You may not be stupid, but your choices aren't the best. Right. There you go. Right. And so March of 2020 comes, your snow globe just gets shaken six ways to Sunday, and you said no more.

What was your next step? Well, I needed to fix my car. That was the first thing. And I knew that I needed to get a job. Even though everything was shutting down, I needed to find that money. I looked around my house. I don't have a lot to sell just because everything was like secondhand, and I'm like, nobody's going to buy this.

So I knew that that meant for me that I had to sweat. This was going to be sweat equity. So I started working with a cleaning company and a couple months later I decided to open up my own business. Wow. Awesome. And is it a cleaning business or something else? Awesome.

And so do you not work in mental health anymore? I do. I do both. You do both. Well, and I guess cleaning business is the else. Awesome. And so do you not work in mental health anymore? I do. I do both. You do both. Well, and I guess cleaning business is the mental health business too. Kind of, yeah. Yes. You get to see some things doing that work.

Oh, you have no idea. Yes. Wow. So if you were to back out and be talking to, I don't know, a couple of million people like you are right now, what would you tell them the key to getting out of debt is? I think the first thing you have to be real about yourself, just look yourself in the mirror and really say, we need to fix this. This is not the way that we were intended to live.

We were not put in this earth to struggle the way that we are right now. So we need to fix it. How did you bridge that gap? Because I know a lot of mental health professionals, a lot of them, I've got a lot of close friends who are really good at walking alongside other people with their challenges, but it's really hard to look in the mirror. How did you make that turn? Because that's especially hard for a mental health professional.

Honestly, you're going to think this is really silly, but I teach groups in the hospital that I work at and I teach goal setting groups and I'm like, I'm looking at all my stuff, preparing for my classes. And I said, I have all the information that I need to do this. So why am I not doing it? I don't, why? So that day I was just, I just had enough. Wow. So do people around you think you were nuts? A little. Tell me who you thought was crazy. Who thought you were crazy?

My family, for sure. They were very skeptical of me doing both jobs. My coworker, Libby, she's here with me today. She was actually the first person I told about my whole journey, day one, because I had to call her and let her know, hey, I can't come to work. Can you cover for me um yeah who are your biggest cheerleaders Libby of course yes um my co-workers I have a little squad my supervisor Kayla um I have a lot of people that came up along the way

um that God put in my place there was no reason for them to bet on me, but they did. So I'm forever grateful for my Dixons, my Greens, my Nobles, and my Morrisons. That's amazing. How does it feel? I mean, you've got all the debt gone now and you've worked so hard.

How does it feel? Amazing. I, for the longest time, you know where I'm from, the man is the head of the household. So you don't have to worry about finances. But I'm here, I'm 30 and I'm single where I'm from, the man is the head of the household. So you don't have to worry about finances. But I'm here, I'm 30 and I'm single and I'm going, uh-oh, I need to fix this. Yeah.

And now I feel empowered. Yeah. I can do it. I can do anything. I love that. I love that confidence. And it started with ownership and looking at the person in the mirror. I just love your attitude of like, I'm the problem.

I'm the solution. I'm going to fix this. And that attitude has carried you all the way through this. That's right. And then you got some people that walked alongside you, held you accountable.

Yes. And you can call on the hard days. So one of the most common things we get is excuse after excuse after excuse. And I'm looking at a woman who came to the United States six years ago with a backpack and dug yourself a hole

and then you dug yourself out of it. What do you tell that person right now who is afraid to look in the mirror, who doubts themselves? I can't do this. I can't figure this out. You know what? Pray.

Pray. I was a lost sheep when I got here, and this whole process has just led me to believe you need to look at God. You need to walk closer to God. Very cool. All right, Pamela. Amazing.

Pamela from Puerto Rico, FIA, Nashville, Tennessee. That's right. Paid off $28,800 in 18 months, making a little less than $45,000. Are you ready? Yes. All right, count it down. Three, two, one. I'm debt free!

Yeah! Woo! I'm dead free yeah that's awesome I love her she's so sweet she's so sweet but I wouldn't I wouldn't fight her no I hope not

no I mean for so many reasons for the main reason is I wouldn't fight her but great great start that's a human being

with determination and grit and strength yes but i love the attitude i love the personal responsibility and you know it's so interesting people may not realize this but when we answer calls all day when we host the show we can often tell if someone's actually going to do it or not almost we give them the same answer every time we're like not gonna do it not gonna do it yeah or they're gonna rock it everything's different now and you can tell in her voice had we talked to her 18 months ago when We give them the same answer every time. We get off the air and be like, not going to do it. Not going to do it. Yeah. Or they're going to rock it. Everything's different now.

And you can tell in her voice. Had we talked to her 18 months ago when she started, we would have said, oh, yeah, she's really going to do it. Because you can tell the attitude of ownership. That's not the only variable, but that's a big one. On whether or not you feel in control of your destiny, your outcome, controlling what you can control, and making it happen. And the people that believe they have some level of control and they're going to take take the bull by the horns they go do it they go move things they go make things happen and i just gosh i love seeing that example and

i'm a guy that makes excuses and we're a culture of people who make excuses yeah and it's when i come to work and somebody like pamela just shows up and just takes them all the way. Like I showed up on your doorstep six months ago, six years ago with a backpack. What do you got to say for yourself, Johnny? And I'm like, well, you know. I had a hard morning. I didn't have enough coffee. That's right.

I was feeling bad about myself. It's like, oh, cool. I did this all by myself and i crushed everything incredible and to those of you who are walking alongside people on their journey thank you too yeah thank you to the friends and the family and the community that is cheering people on even if you think they're nuts and if somebody's in your life and they're telling you oh man i'm gonna get debt free and you're like what just watch them just watch them change everything because you can change too this is the Ramsey Show 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show.

And blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Grace in Utah.

Here's what Grace writes. My husband has worked as an independent insurance contractor for four years. I joined the business three years ago, which is how I met him. I've been the sole income earner for the past few years, but recently became a stay-at-home mom. My husband has been using my credit card for basic necessities like gas, food, etc. He's made no income and has depleted our emergency funds and Roth IRA just to pay for our rent and basic living necessities. I love my husband very much, but he is not taking necessary

steps to take care of his family. How do I help him realize it's okay to look for other sources of income or to step it up in his business? Whoa. Okay. Okay. Not taking steps to take care of his family is understatement of

the century. He is burning your family to the ground. He's destroying you. To the ground. He's not just not taking care of his family is understatement of the century. He is burning your family to the ground. He's destroying you. To the ground. He's not just not taking care of you. He's destroying you. From the inside out. He's destroying your trust, your self-confidence, your financial future, your current future.

He is burning your family to the ground. How do I help him realize it's okay to look for other sources of income it's not okay he has to today if your house was on fire you wouldn't say i need to i'll use your words how do i help my husband realize it's that we probably should head out into the front yard because the house is on fire. You would start screaming, hit every alarm, knock over furniture on the way to get to your kids and get your husband and get out in the yard. That's where we're at right now.

There are so many, there are so many problems with this. One of the things that jumped out to me to the very beginning of the question. So he's been an independent insurance contractor for four years. She joined the business three years ago, which is how she met him. And she's been the sole income earner for the past few years if three is few he met her and hasn't been making any money since or somewhere around that time he's never made a penny and so then then grace you became a stay-at-home mom you can't become a stay-at-home

mom you don't have any money to become a stay-at-home mom you have no emergency and you're not making any money yeah and your your your money's not combined either by the way it has not stopped him from draining it but when you say he he used your credit card well there are so many problems i feel like we need to start at the beginning so grace here i say this is a level one emergency this is defcon one you're on life support now you have no money you're broke your husband has set your house on fire and you are not recognizing the severity of where you are and i i actually think you do um i think you're brilliant otherwise you wouldn't have been the soul i, you wouldn't have been successful here. I think you're smart.

I think you're strong. I think this has become so real. It's become so acute that it's almost become a cartoon. What Christiane is telling you is this is a huge deal. You've got to turn all the lights on. Turn the music off. This dance is over. Y'all have to get very serious.

He needs to go start working three jobs this weekend and he needs to close this nonsense business and y'all got to start earning some money. And the days of you being a stay-at-home mom are probably over too. And what if he doesn't? Like he's never made money in their marriage. Right. So he's never proven that he's capable of it or interested in it. Right. So for that, and I'm genuinely asking you, John, because these are those hard situations.

I tell everybody in this type of situation, you have to have an or what moment. You have to have in your head, you've looked, put both hands on your counter and looked yourself in the mirror and say, or what? And that is, I'm going to tell my husband, you will never hit me again today. Or what? I'm going to tell my son, you will not bring drugs into my house again. Or what? You've got to have that moment.

And this is financial abuse. This is wrong on every level. And so at this point, I've got children. This is a scary situation. She's got to have her or what moment. And I want you to speak into this too where one of the, close to the last line says,

I love my husband very much, but he's not taking the necessary steps to take care of his family. Talk about how love plays into this. Like I love this person, so I mean, no, you know, surely he doesn't mean to. he just hasn't been able to

find work well he just you know and because we love them we make excuses for them that's right so how do you help someone that's not love that's not love that's codependency okay yeah that is i am my value in my world is through my attachment to you and i'm willing to just chain myself to your leg as we drown. Yeah. And what I want Grace to know is that you have more value than this.

Your kids need you. And by the way, you knew this when you married him. You saw how he ran his business. You knew they weren't making any money. That's why you're making money. You knew this. And here it is.

You got to pay the piper. And he does too. My hope is that you flipping the lights on and saying enough's enough's enough's enough, that he will go, oh, thank God. He'll step it up. I didn't know how to get out of this either. I was in quicksand and grace saved me, literally. But it's time.

It's time. It's time. It's time. And to answer your question, if you were in a relationship right now and your question is, but I mean, your statement to yourself is but i love him or but i love her she cheats on me he hits me he yells me but i love her i don't that's not an excuse anymore i don't care yeah you're worth more than that yeah it's good i just wanted you to say it out loud grace grace grace grace grace man okay let's go to darcy out in Toronto. Hey, Darcy, what's going on?

Everything is with an accent today. Good. How are you? I'm doing great. Excellent. What's up? Yeah, I have a question about how to ensure that I can set my business up for success in the long term. Excellent. Bring it on. Yeah. So I own a small business. My wife and I own a business, a digital marketing agency. We run it out of our home. And we've been doing it for two years.

But, I mean, I've been doing this kind of work for my whole life, probably the last 10 to 15 years. And, you know, I hear a lot of people talk. Everyone always says that you want to own a business and not own a job. And I'm pretty sure right now you would classify us as owning a job. I mean, essentially, if I died tomorrow, the business would collapse. So that aside, what's so wrong about owning a job. If we don't have goals for long-term growth, massive growth and hiring a bunch of employees and really building this thing to something huge, if we're comfortable with the income that we make now, the hours we work and sustaining that, maybe growing it a little bit,

is there anything really wrong with that? I just want to make sure that we're on the right track. Yeah, I love this question, Darcy, because people define success in certain metrics as if that's the only version of success. Like your version of success is your top line revenue, your number of retail locations, your number of team members. And that's not the only way to define success. I work with business owners at all different stages. And what I try to encourage them is, I want to help you define your version of success so you can achieve it. And if that's $10,000 a year in a side gig to pay for Disney, or if it's a million dollars a year because you

want to grow this thing, that's cool. Here's what I would encourage you that is a benefit to growing enough or scaling enough your business model so that you don't just own your job. It's so that you can take some time off and still get paid. So whether you scale your business model so that you don't just own your job. It's so that you can take some time off and still get paid. So whether you scale your business in hiring team members, that's not the only way to scale it. You could scale your business and say, I'm going to have courses, I'm going to have multiple streams of income, residual income, a subscription-based model, where Darcy, you could take a vacation, you could take Fridays off, and then you've got mailbox money. Money's still coming in. The business just is not as dependent on you.

And so I would encourage people to diversify their income sources for that reason, just so you've got more flexibility for your life. If you want to travel, take a vacation, or if you get sick. Because when you own your job, if you're not working, you're not getting paid. So that's the benefit to that. But yeah, if you are happy with your income and happy with the business, the only version of success that matters is your version of success. And so if this is success to you, then I think that you should do exactly what you want to do. If it's serving your life in the way that you want it to, that's why we go into business anyway. Serve the marketplace and for you to have the life that you want.

It sounds like you're doing it. That's what I'm talking about. Your success is your success, right? Yeah. You get to decide what that looks like, and if you're doing it, and somebody else doesn't like it, well, they got their own life, their own business. They can do what they want.

I do like Dave's picture, which is, he just takes Fridays off now. Yeah. Which is kind of cool, too. That'd be kind of awesome. Yeah. All right. That's another hour in the books. Thanks, Christy.

Thank you, James Childs. Thank you, Kelly Daniels. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Ramsey Show. You can listen to all our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. Browse by topic or even send clips to your friends. Download the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. Browse by topic or even send clips to your friends. Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.