The Ramsey Show - App - I'm Having Second Thoughts About Buying a Home (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Dr. John Deloney, Ramseysey Personality is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you are here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Rosa is with us in London, England to start this hour off. Hi, Rosa. How are you? Hi, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Thanks for taking my call. I'm such a big fan. So I'll ask my question and then give you context. I'm in the middle of buying a house in London, and I'm having second thoughts and

thinking of pulling out because of my lifestyle, and I'm newly engaged, and I'd love to know what you would do in my situation. So I'm an actress my life is very nomadic which means I spent like I spend several months per year abroad for work but all of my family and friends are in London and I've always wanted a base here and I like to have a place to call home when I've been away for so many months but now I've just got engaged. My fiance is based in Canada, so our aim is to move to LA. So would you still purchase a small property in London in my situation? And also, even if I am based in LA, I'll probably end up working in London a lot anyway. I'd love your opinion. Thank you. Wow. This sounds so sophisticated with your accent. I feel unqualified to answer your call

based on everything you just said. Just because you sound more smart and more lovely and just more, just a better person. I don't know.

She's a better person than you are, John. I can feel it through the telephone line. Oh, that's hilarious. Okay, so what will your household income be in a given year on average? The last two years, it's ranged from $500,000 to $50,000.

So let's say an average. Let's be conservative, an average of like $150,000. Okay. So that'd be like a bad year. Yeah. And that's just you or your fiancé? That's just me. What does he make?

On average, I'd say $100,000. Okay. So a bad year is a quarter of a million, and you're going to buy a home to live in in L.A., and what would the – I assume, right? L.A. is our – well, eventually, once we get to L.A., we would love to buy a home together, combining finance and L.A. But right now, London is where I'm from, so I'd always wanted like a small apartment in London. Oh, I got that part, but I'm saying your marriage home base will be L.A., because this is where you're going to combine your lives. And then London is like where you are from, obviously, and you spend a lot of time there. So that's like your second home.

Yes. Okay. And what would you spend on the second home? The place I put in an offer for, but I can still back out of it, obviously, is 375 pounds. Have you got the cash? Yes. Okay. And I've been debt debt free all my life i think i've

kind of been following your plan without knowing it and now i found you i'm so excited okay well here's the way i would look at it i'm going to kind of reverse engineer this a little bit let's pretend i'm talking to a couple that's making a quarter of a million to a half a million and they live in la and they want to buy a second home for $375,000 cash in London because they spend a lot of time there because of her family. Can I phrase it that way? It's still the same thing, isn't it? Yes.

So this is like someone in the States calling me and saying, I want to buy a beach house. It's a second home. In a sense, it's a toy. My kids were in college in a town, in a city several hundred miles from here, and I bought a condominium there because we were going to spend a lot of time there going to football games and seeing our kids there. So it's that kind of a thing, right?

Yeah. So this falls under the heading of it's a toy, it's a second home. Yes, you can buy it if you can afford it based on your income and if you can pay cash for it. So you happen to be doing it backwards because right now it's home, but it's not always going to be home much longer. Yeah. And so would you say. Yes, I would buy it. To only, but if I don't buy it cash, like say I chose to save some of my money.

I would not buy it unless you're going to pay cash for it. Okay. If you called me and you lived in L.A. and said, I want to buy a house in Cancun or in Martinique as a beach house, but I want to go into debt to do it, I would tell you don't do that. I would say pay cash for it or don't buy a toy because a second home is a toy. And even though this doesn't feel emotionally like a second home because you're leaving there and it has been your home, it's going to function in your new life as a second home. And so I'm going to treat it like it's a beach house, a vacation house, a lake house, a mountain house or whatever. In this case, it just happens to be in London.

And so I've got friends that live in L.A. and they've got apartments that they own in New York City because they're back and forth. They're bicoastal. They're back and forth all the time, and they buy it just so they can not have to screw with hotels and stuff, and they've got the money. But it's a second home. It is not a necessity of life. You could go back, and the times you're back there, you could just rent an apartment. It wouldn't kill you. And, Rosa, if you and I had an hour to sit down and talk through this a little bit deeper, the next question I would ask, and this isn't for this show,

is something I see, Dave, often when people are about to get married, is they want to go stake a flag in the ground back where home was. It's a trap door. Just in case. Just in case. It's a trap door. Just in case. Just in case. It's the escape hatch. I need to make sure that I don't lose my roots

because I'm about to go tether to somebody else and I need to hang in there. With that in mind, it might be okay not to buy it. And that's, it almost got the sense

that Rose was asking for permission to not buy it. Okay. And do I not need it? But either way, know that going into marriage, It's a safety vow.

You are joining forces with somebody. Okay. All right. And not having this little. The purpose of this is just to come back and visit. I'm going to take my money and put it back over here to buy a house. That happens a lot, right? I'm going to invest in this small little business back in my hometown with my old high school buddy.

Or whatever the thing happens to be when people are about to get married. It just feels to go all in. That's what marriage is is you're pushing your chips across the table i'm all in that is really insightful i have not thought of that that's very very interesting did not hear that in her voice at all uh but that's a possibility because the way she did offer up three or four times not to do it and and i don't want to pay cash. And it's going to be my money for my little thing because then we're going to get married and move to LA. And I get that. I get it. I get it. I get it. It's so hard.

It's like keeping the old bachelor pad. I'm just going to keep paying rent on this old place. Wow. Very cool. Man, there's so many tethers when you're about to get married, Dave, right? There's so many. Well, and there's so much going on i mean you got canada uk and la all mixed together and a transient job right where

you're moving everywhere you're already gypsyfied inhabiting other people for a living right what a fun life as an actress yeah just an incredible life inviting other people into your body that's what it is man you have to become somebody zombie body snatcher so great That's what it is, man. You have to become somebody else. It's the zombie body snatcher. So great, man. That's interesting. That's interesting. Not a call we get on the show very often. But you know what?

I'm not going to lie. That touch of sophistication I think helped the show a little bit today, dude. I'm saying we just need a good English accent, a good Australian accent at least once a week. Kelly, can you arrange that for us? Just make sure you get a collar on that sounds smarter than we are fairly often oh wait a minute that's no comments no comments from the booth we've had 10 of those already no comments from the booth this is the ramsey show Our famous $10 sale is back. This time last year, a lot of folks got behind with their money.

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To get started today with a free trial, text TRIAL to 33789. That's TRIAL to 33789. Dr.89 dr john deloney ramsey personality is our co-host today our question of the day comes from blinds.com the number one online retailer of custom window coverings you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use the promo code ramsey to get the best possible deal. All right, today's question comes from Jennifer in Alabama. Jennifer writes, our daughter has been struggling with college for a couple of years. She's seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression. She recently decided to drop out of school and work full time.

She refuses to move back home and wants to keep the car we provided her for school. We told her to come home, figure out her next steps, and give the car back, or she can finish school and keep the car. She sees this as a punishment and thinks we are unsupportive villains. Any advice on how to keep a 21-year-old who seems to have already made up their mind? Dave, you're a dad who's had a couple of three or four 21-year-olds. I've got some... Man. This one gets under my skin a little bit, so you go first.

Hmm. I don't think, Jennifer, that you're involved enough in her situation emotionally to meet out this boundary. It sounds like you don't believe that she has anxiety and depression and she's just screwing around. And so you're going to punish her for screwing around. That's the way this sounds to me. So if you're acting on that then that's okay if she really has anxiety and depression and you really believe she does then you're completely out of line give her the car help her she's trying to find her way through a

real tough mental situation and you know but i i think you guys are pretty detached from her emotionally is what it feels like yeah the note I wrote is this is a relationship issue right now. And you're trying to flex on a 21-year-old who's struggling. And sometimes for a college student, obviously with high expectations and high family support, to say, I'm going to take a break, that's a hard, brave move. It's not always the best. And sometimes people are into drugs and crazy. But sometimes it's a hard, brave move. It's not always the best. Sometimes people are into drugs and crazy. But sometimes it's a hard, brave move.

And this looks like, oh, well, then you can just fill in the blank. And you know what? As a parent, you can do that. That's your car. You can do that. But your question was how to help her. That's right. The question was not, well, should I take her car away?

The question was how do I help her? That's right. And if this is my kid, I'm going to get on the next bus or get in my car, and we're going to go have a meal together. And something here tells me this is a long time coming. And there's a deeply fractured relationship. It's just hard to hit somebody in the back of the head unless you've got your arm around their shoulder. You know? And it feels like that you're trying to punch from over here not from

your not from your arm around the shoulder yeah um and when somebody's struggling and they say hey i need to take a step back and your first thought your first response is then you need to do what i say that's hard yeah that's hard and at the same time i want to be clear this is your car come get it but it may cost you your Yeah, your question was not what your rights are. Your question was how can I help guide a 21-year-old who's already made up their mind. I think I'm going to do a – I'm reading a lot between the lines. It's hard to know in this situation, but I'm reading a lot between the lines. It's hard to know in this situation. But I'm reading a lot between the lines that your emotional connectivity and relationship with her is not deep enough to make – she's not listening to you. And that tells me you don't have enough connectivity for her.

You're not persuading anymore. You're just hitting with a bat. You're not even a safe enough place to come home when she's falling apart. Right. She's got to go find somewhere else. not even a safe place enough safe enough place to come home when she's falling apart right she's got to go find somewhere else we we talk a lot about boomerang kids who can't wait to run back to mom and dad and you know there's a whole industry about teaching mom and dad how to draw boundaries but kids think that mom and dad are safe in that situation your kid's struggling and she doesn't you are not a place that she can even be around now she wants to keep your car fair

enough you're not a place that she can go and that's where the car the car doesn't matter no that's what i think um the advice on how to help guide her is spend more time with her right and this looks like help guide and listen more and talk less how do i flex more yeah how do i listen more and talk less and um gain the emotional proximity, earn the right to persuade and guide. And that's creating a safe place. And you've lost this right. That's what we're both saying. She's lost the right to persuade.

Yeah. That's what amounts to. For some thing. We don't know what. And my guess is this is a long time coming. It could be the kid. Yeah, it could be. It could be the kid.

But somehow you lost the right to persuade. So keep the car. Don't keep the car. I don't give a rip about the car. But get your car and go sit down and meet your daughter. If it's not an expensive car, just give it to her. I wouldn't give her any more money until we've got these things repaired. She's a 21-year-old making a 21-year-old grown-up decision.

So she can go make her 21-year-old life. I'll go along with that. And I'm not going to support things that I can't speak into. So if you're going to wall me out for whatever reason my fault or your fault then I'm not going to throw money in over the wall that's not uh that that's just uh that's enabling on us steroids but but if you throw the car into the mix and then use that as a leverage to just start to rebuild a higher quality relationship to persuade that's your only help I think as a dad of kids grown

having grown kids is the most difficult version of kid raising kids i mean because you no longer get to tell them what to do no you have to persuade them and so i have to sit with my son who's getting ready to turn 30 and talk him into stuff like i have to talk you into stuff you know i can't just make you do well i can't as your boss but then it's the same thing it's a temporary thing. So I have to persuade adults in my life to do things that are even for their own good, whether they're my kids as adults or other people's kids as adults. And so you just cannot – and it was just easier when I said you have to do that because I said so. I read a line the other day, Dave, that I'm still processing.

And when I hear a line like this, I'll sit on it for a while. But here was the line. I want to be the kind of father that when something happens to my child, he doesn't think, oh, crap, we can't tell dad. We can't let dad find out. I want to be the kind of dad that when something happens to my kid, he says, oh, crap, we better find dad. We better call dad and not that that means that we're not going to hold people accountable but i want to be that the sentiment behind this is i want to be a safe enough place that my kid trusts me that when things get sideways i'm going to walk

alongside him and i haven't wrapped my head around that yet dad may kill me but he'll help me first that's right that's right that's right that's the dad i want to be i do want the threat of death over them he'll do it quick and painless right this one's going to be slow and miserable right yeah yeah but there's something about building that safety as a parent that i'm going to hold you accountable but you're never ever going to doubt that i love you yeah and that's a hard balance right yeah that's exactly right it's a and i think it's even harder the older they get yeah when they're three you know you just make them do stuff. Okay, so let me ask you this, Dave.

Is it hard because you have a desired future for them, or is it hard because... Because I like people doing what I tell them to do. Yeah, you're letting the control go, right? That seems to be the hard part. Yeah, I mean, we all do. We all do. It's like, I told you, you know, listen, if you turn left there, you're not going to get where you're going. You need to turn right.

And then when they go around the block six times, I told you. You know, it's like, you keep driving a car like that, you're going to wreck it. You know, you keep driving your life like that, you're going to wreck it. And sure enough, they do, you know. But you can't. And the only way we learn stuff is by wrecking the car. Yeah, no, it's not the only way. You stuff is by wrecking the car. It's so frustrating. Yeah, no, it's not the only way. You can watch other people wreck the car.

I know. You can listen to your old man who wrecked a bunch of cars and knows better. You don't have to go broke to learn to not do what I did to go broke. You can do better. And thank goodness. Oh, my goodness. Parenting. A little too much authenticity here on this segment of the show.

This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Dead Free Stage, Daniel and Sarah are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hi, we're good. How are you? Wonderful. Welcome, welcome. Good to have you. So where do you guys live? Bowling Green, Kentucky. Oh, an hour and a quarter away.

That's right. Just up the road. Yes, sir. That's right. So I took delivery on a new Corvette at the museum and did the tour of the plant. And a week later, the museum caved in. So did you get to come back and see our sinkholes? I saw the sinkhole right before it happened.

I was standing over the top of it. And a week later, I was like, I could have been in that hole. Yeah, they put it all back. It's supposed to be beautiful. I haven't been back up since they did it. It is. It's gorgeous. For those of you that don't know, the Corvette plant is in Bowling Green, Kentucky, and the

Corvette Museum is in Bowling Green, Kentucky. And I don't know, what was that, five, six years ago, I guess? I think so. The sinkhole swallowed up half of the museum. All these vintage vets are in this hole. For those of you not watching on YouTube, Dave has a tear in his eye just talking about it. Yes, oh, definitely. I'm completely sidetracked here. These poor people came to do a debt-free screening. I'm talking about it. Yes, oh, definitely. I'm completely sidetracked here.

These poor people came to do a debt-free screening. I'm talking about it. So how much debt have you guys paid off? We paid off $101,240. I like it. And how long did this take? 12 months. Wow.

And your range of income during that time? About $144 to about $180. That's a nice jump in 12 months. And what kind of debt was the 101? We had some cell phones, HVAC unit, student loans, a Jeep lease, which I didn't know it was leased at first. And then I had bought a small house the day after our first date. And we had a foundation repair. Okay.

So what was the big one? The small house after our first date yeah the biggest was um that's such a great line bought a small house right after our first again for those of you aren't watching there's a story here i'm just saying he said jeep lease you looked at him as though i still might kill him and then you mentioned the small house you bought well you know i really didn't know that we were going to get married and so i was looking for a place for myself to live so i purchased a real like a really small house i was going to be able to walk to work i was going to get a small dog i was going to eat thai food every day i just had this whole plan you know i have a corolla i'm happy with it you know guy he carries the Corolla.

So fun, y'all. Okay, so what was the big number out of the 101? The small house was about $48,000. Okay. And you paid it off or did you sell it? We sold it. Okay. All right, good.

That helped you move it that much in a year. Well, yeah, that $48,000 came off, of course, immediately. But the money that we got from the sale of the house was basically my down payment back. And during the middle of our debt snowball, we learned that we had a foundation repair, and so that was about $30,000 extra. Oh! So we, you know, selling the house. Is that in the 101 or in addition? No, that was in addition, because that wasn't a debt.

We just cash flowed that. Okay. Wow. Yeah. It was a... Yeah, this is a test. Yes. Right in the middle of it. Right in the middle. You have to not lose your mind. Yes. Yeah. Way to go, guys. Yeah. It was a... Yeah, this is a test. Yes. Right in the middle of it.

Right in the middle. You have to not lose your mind. Yes. Yeah. Way to go, guys. Okay, so how long have you been married? About a year and a half. Okay, so not long into the marriage, you said, we're going to clean this all up.

Yes. You put it all in a pile. Both of you brought your stuff in, put it in the middle of the kitchen table and said, oh, crap. And tell me the story. What happened? Well, actually, I lost my first wife in 2019, and she did not have any life insurance or anything. So I had tons of debt to take care of at that point. Sure.

And there was a lot of times where I didn't know if I was going to be able to buy groceries. It was a lot of times where I didn't know if I was going to be able to buy groceries. You know, it was a tough time. And then not long after that, her aunt, who I used to work with, called me up and was like, hey, you know, would you, my niece Sarah, I just want to know if you want to go out with her. And I said, heck yeah. I remember her from high school. I had a crush on her in high school. So, you know, we went on our-

She wants to go out with me? Yeah, exactly. That was exactly my first thought. So we went out, we hit it off great, and then after my second or third date, I had a huge interview with her. She was asking me everything. He calls our dates job interviews. Yeah, because I mean, how much debt do you have? What's your plans?

I was running down numbers. I'm a nerd, believe it or not. What kind of plans are you doing? Once we got married, she's a big Dave Ramsey fan. She's been listening to you for years and years. She kind of got me on board

with wanting to do this. She was debt free before I came in the picture. I just just screwed it all up okay no no she brought half of this in there 48 of the 101 was her so it's you split it down the middle you just it just came about it differently you might call one a little smarter than the other but you had a tragedy too yeah so yeah that makes it the whole process so the good news is in 12 months you did it. So how does your income go up $40,000 in one year? You know, I had a child when I was 20, and so being a young mom, work is not anything I'm scared of.

So I picked up a second job, and the company that I worked for was offering some bonus money and some incentives to go help at a hospital in Pennsylvania. So I took as many of those assignments as I could get, even spent the entire Christmas holiday working in Pennsylvania in a hospital. And that really put us over the finish line. Wow. Also, he sold everything, even stuff that was nailed down. I got home from work one day and he said, did you notice that everything's off the walls i was like because i just don't care about things like that and so he had taken everything off the walls and it was sold whoa and when we were

combining households we just sold everything we took a bunch of stuff to goodwill um he was a little nervous about cutting cable but we cut cable we cut satellite radio yes oh my goodness we cut the gym membership which was interesting because he had me work like use me as a piece of workout equipment one day and i was like what is this about um what else did we do um we shopped all of our insurance to make sure we were getting the best rates on everything um gosh we wow you know just literally everything you teach we just walk it down every little every little corner to make it work yeah for me um so when you look back on it the two of you and someone comes up to you and they say how do you get out of debt in 12 months what do you

tell them the main thing they have to do is to me you both have to be on the same page amen you have to work together if you've got one person that's 100% in and the other one's not, it's not going to work out very well. And we were both there. We both wanted it bad, you know, and especially me. And I felt so bad that, you know, I know we both brought debt in there, but I just felt so bad that she had to be part of my debt. But we're married. You know, we put our accounts together, which we've never done in our previous relationships. So it worked out God-centered to me at the right time, and it was perfection.

Wow. Hey, you know what? He sent her to you too, man. Oh, yes, he did. Right? Yes. He was the answer to so many prayers. Yeah.

And here's what's cool. One of the biggest challenges when folks get married and they've had previous relationships, one of the hardest parts is how do we get on this? How do we find a new path? Right. I've got this path experience. And man, y'all launched out of the gate on a $100,000 gazelle intense mission. Yes.

And now you guys forged a path you're just looking back locked man you just blazed a trail through the forest with you just started to put your head down and he's a good guy to get behind right because he knocked the trees over that head y'all cleared a path and now you're off to the races right and you know a funny story you know i have a 20 year old daughter and he has a 14-year-old daughter. And it was December of 2019. The youngest daughter wanted to get her ears pierced, and she had plenty of money to do it. So we took her to the mall. And when we get to the mall, she starts crying.

She wants Daddy to pay for it. And she's got her own money. So I said, no, you know, you've got your own money. You can pay for this. Then she tries to negotiate. Well, I'll pay you back later. Or can you pay half of it, and I'll pay half it and so the crying went on and on and on and finally he leans over and he whispers you know should i just pay for it so i you know took this big hand and i was like no we're gonna

get through this like this is a this is a teachable moment if she ain't crying about this this is a teachable moment but since that time we've uh put her through the homeschool curriculum and so she's got her own she's got her got her emergency fund, she's working for commission to do chores. It's, you know, we've just, we're changing everything. Absolutely. I'm so proud of y'all. We got a copy of Legacy Journey and Total Money Makeover for you. $101,000 paid off.

Daniel and Sarah, Bowling Green, Kentucky. They did it in 12 months, making $144,000 to $180,000. What a great story. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! This is how you do it, baby.

Touchdown. How fun. How fun. What a great love story. This is The Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Jessica is in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Hi, Jessica. How are you? I'm doing great, Dave. Thank you for taking my call. It's an honor to speak to you. You too. What's up?

So I have a question about some inheritance that I received when my dad passed away. My sister was purposefully written out of the will. And I have always wanted to, I think it's the right thing to share something with her, but I don't agree with the way she's financially lived her life and the decisions she's made. So I do not want to give her cash. The decision I made was to have some money set aside for wedding whenever she gets married and to make a one-time principal payment on her student loan that she's been carrying. And she now thinks it's a waste for me to make that payment.

And she thinks you'll agree with her, which I know you won't. Why was she cut out of the will? The relationship between her and my dad fell apart years ago, and I believe my dad's stubbornness led it to not getting repaired. That's so sad. Yes, I know it is. How long has he been gone? Five years. How old are you and how old is she?

I'm 46 and she's 43. And obviously you guys have a pretty good relationship. Yes, we do. Okay. And how much money are you talking about? I want to make a $20,000 payment towards her student loan. And out of how much money did you receive? I think about $150,000 total. Okay. All right. And out of how much money did you receive? Let me see.

I think about $150 total. Okay. All right. There's a part of you that feels somewhat maternal towards her, that you don't trust her to make good decisions. Maybe a little bit in some ways. And so you're going to give her a gift because it's the right thing to do, but you're going to direct how it feels like a weird relational dynamic between sisters.

Well, she's irresponsible with money. Right. Is there discomfort there between the two of you? You said she was going to say that was a waste of a gift. Well, yes, because the direction she's going is she's not doing anything to pay it off with any urgency. She's just riding it out until it gets to 25 years, thinking the balance will be forgiven because of an income-based repayment plan. And what I'm offering to give her and what she would pay over the next 13 years until that happens would not total the total balance of the loan. Okay.

Well, there's a lot of things going on here. First, let's just talk about the Public Service Student Loan Forgiveness Program. As of today, the last... I'm sorry? She's not even public service loan forgiveness. Why does she feel... Oh, she just feels like in general it's going to be forgiven. Yes, she found something online that says the income-based repayment plan,

when the loan is at 25 years, the balance will be forgiven. It hasn't been so far. 227,000 people have applied for student loan forgiveness under these programs. 3,700 out of 200,000 have gotten it. That's less than 1%. And so she believes a lie about getting out of the student loan debt. So that's one piece of information. So in that sense, you know, we've got other problems with her student loan other than whether you give her money or whether she pays it off.

Because that student loan is not going away unless the Biden administration and the Democratic Congress decides to forgive student loan debt, which is possible for the first time in our history. And, you know, there's obviously a lot of rhetoric in the last four or five months since the inauguration about that. And there's no way to predict what they will actually do or if they will do anything other than just talk about it, you know, their Congress. So normally. So normally in a situation like this, I want to give because it's something that I think is the right thing to do. And it always is hard when you come up against this moment when you think,

by giving the right thing to do, I'm going to enable somebody to hurt themselves further. Is that where you're at, Jessica? Or you just don't like how she's spinning it? Yes, I don't want to enable her bad behavior because she's obviously

not going to put it towards the loan. It will most likely get at least somewhat wasted and spent and i really want to really want to help her yeah if um yeah is there if we could take the student loan out of the thing it would change the equation for me i mean does she have a car loan or something you can just pay off no she doesn't this is her only day about our house doesn't. This is her only debt. This is her only debt.

Is this her only debt? As far as I know, yes. Okay. And the interesting thing is, is you all have talked about it to where the language has changed to where now she feels entitled to it. Like entitled to tell you what to do with the money you're giving her. That was an interesting part of the thing, too.

Yeah. So, wow, I don't know what to tell you. I think I, you know, here's an idea. When in doubt, don't. And just say, you know what? I want to do something to honor you out of this inheritance because I think you got a raw deal. But I also don't want to participate in a delusional situation. And your student loan is not – I don't think your student loan is going away.

And so how much does she owe? I think $92,000. And what does she make? She makes now about $60,000. Okay. You know, I might offer to match her for every $5,000 she puts on it. You'll put $5,000 on it. Oh, I like that idea.

But, you know, and it's just you and her talking, and you're just saying, you know, you're an adult. You have the right to do what you want to do, sister. But I also have that, and I cannot give you money for – I agree with you that giving you money for this is going to end up being wasted because you're not going to get it paid off, and then it's going to be a bigger problem, because you think it's going to go away. I don't think it's going to go away, so I really don't want to put the 20 on that, and so I don't know how to give you money, because I think what you're doing with this is irresponsible. And so I love you, and I want you to win, and so what we're going to do right now is nothing. I'm just going to sit back and watch a little bit,

and if you decide you want to get after the student loan, and I'll put some money towards it with you, and I'll help you. But until you do, right now I'm just going to watch, because I want to do something, but I don't know how to do it right now, and so what I'm going to do is wait. Okay. And in the meantime, should I do something different with it other than it just sitting in my savings account at the bank?

Yeah. Well, you can do whatever you want. I mean, you can put it in a mutual fund if you want, and then you can pull it out and give it to her later on. But it's just the biggest thing here is it's just all tied back to this heartbreaking relationship between her and your dad. Yeah, that's the part I don't like about it, Dave, is because dad did what he did, now she's holding this, and she's got to make one of two choices.

Either I'm going to become dad, and I'm going to use my relational position and my money to keep you, and not share it with you because of your decisions, your choices. So I'm replaying what just happened. Oh, that's true. Or I'm going to give you money knowing that I'm just throwing it in the wind. This is a no-win. I'm throwing it in the wind. That's right. And so my impulse, there's always wisdom in just do nothing.

That's all I said, yeah. And then my thought is, you know what, I'm going to free myself from this. And so it's the same impulse, just the other side, which if you feel in your heart it's the right thing, dad did a raw deal, and the right thing to do is to give money, the right thing to do is to give money. And forget it. Don't worry about it. Yeah.

And that's where I want to- That's not on you. Well, it drills down to, if someone's doing drugs, someone's hurting themselves versus they're going to go buy a dumb car, right? Mm-hmm. But man, especially when you're holding that money, and you could really help them with their student loan, It's hard. It's just a messy situation.

This is a 41-year-old. Yeah. So it might be down to what you're saying. I don't disagree with your change in direction on that. I'd just give them the money or I wouldn't. Yeah. And I'd just call it. Call it.

Yeah. I like your advice better than mine. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free screen live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.