The Ramsey Show - App - I'm Jealous and Resentful of Friends That Are Receiving Stimulus Money (Hour 3)

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me is fellow Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney. And I have to tell you, we are excited. Excited to talk with you, to take your calls, and to find out what's on your mind. So don't hesitate any longer. Pick up the phone.

Give us a call at 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225, or hunt us down on social media. I'm at ChrisHogan360. John is at John Deloney. And you can find us. Both of us, we have shows that you can go to YouTube and subscribe to. John's talking about relationships, emotions, anxiety, and feelings. I'm talking about money, building wealth, retirement, and high-definition dreams.

So both of us are here to help you, and we'd love to connect with you today to talk about what's on your mind. So, John, are you ready? Let's do it. All right. You're taking notes over there. You must have had some thoughts. What is that?

I have two or three. You've had a couple. Okay. Very good. Very good. I'm just checking. I didn't know. Tell me this.

Best call you've had on your show recently. Oh, man. The Best call you've had on your show recently. Oh, man. Best call I've had. They vacillate between folks who are calling in to celebrate something good in their life. Right. The most difficult call I've had recently, we took one yesterday, they'll come out in a few weeks, was a young mom of a four-year-old who's heading in for a surgery that just has some bad news written all over it.

Goodness gracious. And how do you tell the four-year-old? How do you prep yourself? How do you prep your marriage? Yes. Just it's as real as real can be. That's exactly right. What do we do next?

Yeah. Wow. Listen, tune into the show. Any place that you can find podcasts, you can find the Dr. John Deloney Show. Dr. John Deloney, D-E-L-O-N-Y. Get over to YouTube. I have had an opportunity to listen to several of the episodes and the callers, the hearts behind it, the emotions that are there. It's real.

And at the same time, you have an opportunity to hear people get real hope and an opportunity to get off the call and begin to understand. You can almost hear where they're stuck, hear where they're hurt, and hear where they're alone. That's right. And this alone stuff is no joke. I tell you what, I was joking with Dave the other day. I asked a few folks when the show first kicked off, they would ask such hard, intimate, deep questions.

My first response is, why in the world are you calling me? I'm just some dude on the radio. And one, we trust you. And two, I got nobody else. that that was a hole in my heart right so i thought i was in this gig you know like because people want to my wisdom and what man there's a lot of smart people it's about i got nobody else i trust you being available i'm gonna call you this you're a safe person that's not gonna holler at me and scream at me that's right and beat me up and we're gonna get through this together yeah You're a safe person that's not going to holler at me and scream at me and beat me up, and we're going to get through this together.

That's the same with the retirement questions. I know, but you've walked through some stuff, and you've seen some stuff. The main thing I know you do is you are considering the individual. You're being real with them, being upfront and honest, but it's still a person. You're not looking just to do Hollywood and to do something outlandish and crazy. You actually hear the heart behind the person,

which I think is phenomenal, and I think it's admirable, brother. So keep up the good work. Keep guiding people. And again, check out his show. You can get on there on YouTube, have a chance to take a look. The show is doing fantastic. He's yet You can get on there on YouTube, have a chance to take a look. The show is doing fantastic. He's yet to have me on there, so I take it as a personal affront. But it's fine.

It's not a problem. It's fine. We're going to do a bald-only episode coming up. It's coming. You've got to do some kind of ism. It's coming. And that's fine. That's fine.

It's not a problem. All right, listen to me. I've had enough of John already. But I want to talk to you. John does, too. 888-825-5225. Seriously, people, we are here for you. Let's get on the call.

And we've got Robert on the line. Robert, how are you? Doing all right. How are you doing there, Chris? Oh, I'm trying. Hey, we are doing fantastic, my friend. How can we help you today? Well, I got an opportunity coming up um i'm gonna be uh

doing an interview tomorrow with a new company i'm a truck driver by trade okay um and the the uh the main question i have is if i do get offered the job tomorrow should i pause maybe step two at least for a couple of weeks so i can have a little bit of a buffer? Because I won't be getting paid for two weeks once I get entrenched in the job. Okay. So you're in Baby Step 2. You think it'll take a couple of weeks for you to get your income ramped up. Wouldn't you be due some back pay from the other job?

I'll be due one week's pay. So that'll cover, you know, part of my bills. But it'll be right at the beginning of the month. I got you. So once all my money comes out, because I save up during the month and pay off everything at the first of the month. So once that money is gone, it's gone. And I'll have maybe, with my income, I'll have about $500. Okay. Tell me this.

What kind of debts do you have, Robert? I have a student loan of $25. I have five on one vehicle and nine on another vehicle. Oh, you got debt. Five on one vehicle and nine on another vehicle. The $5,000 vehicle was repossessed about a year ago, and I'm working with them to try to pay it off, but it's been a little harder than I would expect. Yeah, and so how confident are you in this job, this new one? I'm pretty confident.

I got a friend who actually works there. Okay. So I already have an in, like with Ken Coleman. It's like, get an in. So I got that part. Good. That's good. I'm just trying to, you know, if I do get offered the job position,

it'll be a substantial pay increase. It'll help us a lot better to get out of debt. Well, that was my next question. So realistically, what you have is obviously your fixed expenses, you know, your rent and things of that nature, the student loan, and then the $9,000 car. You're not even doing anything on the $5,000 repoed car yet, right? No, sir. Yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, I don't think, I mean, do you really have to pause anything? But if you did, yeah, there's nothing wrong with that while you're adjusting and getting into your next job. I mean, that's just normal in that phase of life. Now, what you want to do is to make sure you're keeping everything tight and clear, right, and taking care of the things that are absolutely necessary. But, no, I love the fact you're going to be making more money. That's a good thing. Yeah, and just keep yourself on track, man. It's easy when you pause it to go ahead and, I've got to have a couch.

Well, you know what I was sitting here thinking. I've got to get a new TV. You know what I know about me? I am a celebratory spender. I will celebrate. Listen to me. I talk about this on the show. You need to know.

Be thinking about what kind of spender you are. But I wanted people to know, what kind of spender are you? Are you a bored spender? Are you a lonely spender? Are you a celebratory spender? You know what I mean? Are you a sad spender? You got to, okay, you have just yeped.

You have yeped to all of them. What are you? Do you really? I like spending. All right, listen. But I'm always down for a celebration, especially when I'm celebrating me. Yes, and you know what I realized? It's not how much I spend.

It's just that I spend. So I control it in the budget. Gotcha. Instead of $200, maybe I celebrate with $20. See? But you need to know what kind of spender you are. So you can check out that episode of The Chris Hogan Show. It was hilarious, and it was eye-opening.

For you board spenders, you stay off that Amazon. Don't you even go over there and look. Find something else to browse, like the John Deloney Show or the Chris Hogan Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. Rachel Cruz here. Ever feel like you'll never save money or pay off all your debt?

We know 2020 didn't help. But it's a new year, and you can hit reset with your money. It's time to focus and get debt out of your life so you can have more money to save and spend worry-free. We're here to help. Ramsey Plus is our step-by-step plan that gets you quick wins so you can make faster progress on your debts. And that debt is gone for good, you get more money back in your pockets. The best part is you can try Ramsey Plus for free. And once you become a member, you'll get a free federal e-file with Ramsey Smart Tax

and the audio book of my brand new bestseller, Know Yourself, Know Your Money. You'll have everything you need to finally get your money under control. To become a member of Ramsey Plus, go to daveramsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. go to DaveRamsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. That's DaveRamsey.com slash Ramsey Plus. Or call our Ramsey concierge team at 888-22-PEACE.

Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. We are excited to be with you. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me is Dr. John Jeloney. We are excited to take your call, but I want to tell you this, because here at Ramsey Solutions, we're focused on transforming lives. And we know that we can help bring hope like wildfire across the country. And so imagine a world where it's weird to have a student loan instead of everyone assuming that that's the only way to get an education. Or imagine a world where the majority of people pay cash for their cars or credit cards are like the cigarette of the financial industry. Imagine being a part of

causing that level of disruption with the work that you do every day. Here at Ramsey Solutions, we have about 1,000 people at our company that are working together to create digital products and services to help people transform their lives with the goal of disrupting the toxic money culture that exists in America today. So if you want to join us on that crusade, we're currently on the hunt for many software engineers with expertise in Ruby on Rails, Java, C Sharp, and other front-end technologies. Or if you're a UX designer, SEO, or content marketing specialist, we'd love to be able

to talk to you. So you can find out about all the available jobs by texting WORKTHATMATTERS, altogether WORKTHATMATTERS, to 33789. Again, text the words WORKTHATMATTERS to 33789, and you can find out about all of our existing openings. It's got a great opportunity. You can get plugged in and know exactly what it is you're dealing with and the type of people you're dealing with because this place is unique. That's the understatement of the century.

It really is. So we'd love to have you join the team and help us grow. All right, we're getting back to the phones because that's what we do here. The number to call if you've got a question, I want you to pick it up. Kelly is awake and standing by at 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We'd love to be able to hear from you. I don't know why I said awake.

Of course, she's awake. I'm going to have to deal with that as a break. But anyway, let's get on the call. I've got Rachel on the phone. Rachel, how are you? I'm good. How are you, Chris? I'm focused to have to deal with that as a break. But anyway, let's get on the call. I got Rachel on the phone. Rachel, how are you? I'm good. How are you, Chris? I'm focused and not finished.

What kind of question do you have for Dr. John and I? So I recently started the Baby Steps about a month ago. I'm on Baby Steps 2. Good. I actually am brand newly engaged as of this weekend. Congratulations. Thank you so much. So I, of course, I'm trying to plan ahead now,

and I'm just wondering if you guys have any advice or tips on what the best way to, you know, plan for a wedding or whatever, you know, I can do to contribute towards that while also doing the baby steps. Okay. I thought you were going to call in and ask us if you should sell the ring and apply that to your debt. And the answer is yes. Sell it.

Sell that ring, girl. Pay your student loans off. Just kidding. Don't do that. All right, Rachel. Don't do that. Seriously, though. Tell us, what kind of debt do you have right now?

So it's a little bit of everything. So I have a car payment that's $7,700. I have student loans that are about $21,000. And I have a combination of credit cards and personal loans that are $38,000. How much of that is credit card? Let me see here. Just ballpark. It is like $20,000. 20 okay and what was the personal loan for

um it one is from my parents and one was a debt consolidation personal loan okay so you kind of got the you kind of got the buffet of debt you were normal yeah what do you marry what kind of debt are you marrying into i'm sorry what kind of debt are you marrying into good question um just student loans he has student loans but nothing else how much um about a hundred thousand you just glossed over that one no just student loans it's cool it's it's a lot 7.9 million in texas okay so all right how do you pay for a wedding while you're in Baby Step 2? It is going to be absolutely crucial that you guys get on the same page to this and gain agreement. Rachel, I want to tell you something.

I have seen people spend $20,000, $30,000, and $40,000 on weddings. And it's absurd. It really is. And I think when you try to end up doing the party of the century for the family, instead of it being about you and your fiance beginning your life together, that's where it can begin to take on a life of its own. And so I think, you know, like in your head, can I tell you something to tip your fiance needs to know? Like, does he have any idea how long you plan to be engaged before you want to get married?

We were I think we were kind of talking about it just ballpark. OK, maybe two years. OK, because dudes don't know this. We have no we don't know. There's not a guidebook out there. So tell him and talk with him about that. But I'm serious. I think it's really important for you guys to do this as cheaply as possible, being very intelligent.

And here's the other one, having boundaries and guardrails for family members. What I mean by that is you need to find out, are your parents planning to contribute? Did they have a wedding fund? Those kinds of things are important to know so you can know how to begin to navigate this because it can get really sticky two two year engagement tell me about that um well we've been together for six years already um we live together um we've lived together for a year um so really though like our our marriage is just kind of like a solidification of what we already are doing, kind of. So it's a way bigger deal than that. And if you look at the data, folks who get married afterwards, after they live together, just because they're cementing things,

man, there's not a great, this is just the data, right? And I haven't looked at it in a few years. I need to circle back to it. But the stats would tell me, I want you to take the idea of getting married. It feels like we're just, hey, man, we're just going to go through the motions and do a thing that we're already doing.

It's a bigger deal than that, okay? It changes everybody from the inside out. And it's a big deal. That said, why wait two years? You're already living together. You're already right there. Why don't you go down to the JP this weekend and get married for $78 there in New Jersey? Yeah.

I mean, I would like to. It's more of our families that are the boundary in that. I've suggested several times, even before we got engaged, that we just go solidify it at the courthouse or whatever. Is he home? Is your fiance there right now? No. I was going to tell them both to raise your right

hands. I was going to do it right here. Listen here. Your parents, your family has nothing to do with this. This is your life. What do you mean? Are they the issue? Is it your parents or his?

It's mainly his parents. My parents want a destination wedding. Listen, here. Here's the deal. All right. Now I got riled up. The one here on my head is wiggling, Rachel. Listen, your parents want a destination wedding.

Ask them what's their budget and when do y'all need to show up. That's right. Okay? That's exactly right. Yeah. Tell them feel free to plan it and you'll be there. Just let y'all know the date and you'll gladly go do your revows again. But no, I'm serious. I agree with John.

Let's go on and get this thing rolling. Listen, get down there. Do the justice of the peace. Then you guys can say, you know what, fam? It has been a tough year. 2020 has been crazy. This is how much we're planning to contribute. Mom and dad, you guys have talked about a destination.

Do you have a wedding fund or were you just talking? And it's a nice way to do it. But okay, how old are you, Rachel? I'm 24. You're full grown. You are full grown. No, 24. You're full grown. You are full grown. No, seriously. You are full grown.

And I want you and your fiance seriously to sit down and be real with each other and say, hey, what do we want to do? Now, I know you're trying to be considerate. And trust me, for your parents, your wedding day is a big day. But this is a day of, you know know you can call it a confirmation day or wedding day you can call it whatever you want that's semantics i like the idea of you guys going on and getting it done and working together that's right so i want to encourage you three things number one to go back to your original question make a pact with your fiance you will not borrow money for this event yes period number two it is okay to pause baby step two and pile up cash to make sure you

pay for this wedding but do it responsibly not to save up money to get a 40 or 50 000 you guys owe a couple hundred thousand dollars okay and then the third thing is get with a premarital counselor get some skills you think this is just going to be in a just a a further extension of what it's been it's gonna be different honor it that way go into it while eyes wide open learn some new skills you're gonna have a great uh marriage ahead of you guys do it the right way do it quick this is the ramsey show Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. But listen, I'm going to tell you straight up.

2020 was a crazy year. People dealt with a lot of changes, a lot of issues. But here's the deal. If you're tired of feeling stuck with your money, if you don't feel like you can ever get out of debt or feel like you can ever save enough for the future, now's the time. This is the time. You have an opportunity to make a change in your future right now. You can make progress with money, and you can do it faster than you think, but it only happens one way, and that's with a plan.

And so Ramsey Plus is the plan. It's going to give you access to the premium version of our EveryDollar budgeting app. You're going to be able to plan every dollar you spend before the month begins. You're going to be able to connect your budget to your bank account so you're on every transaction and know what's going on. And you have the ability to get custom budget reports so you can figure out where your money is going and target your money towards your goal. So when you budget and you get intentional with your money, you will make progress and you can do it fast. All you have to do to get started today, to start your free trial of Ramsey Plus, is go to DaveRamsey.com. Again, that's DaveRamsey.com, and you can start with Ramsey Plus today.

It's a great opportunity to get serious about a plan, and I'm telling you, once you do it, you're going to be able to run down the road of progress and really see, hey, I'm living differently and I feel differently, and that can be a game changer. All right, we're getting back to the phone. We've got John on the line. John, what's your question for Dr. John Deloney? Hi. I'm in a pretty difficult, difficult marriage.

It's always been a really, really difficult marriage. And at this point, we're living separately. And, you know, divorce has been sort of discussed plenty. She's trying desperately to avoid it. I'm trying desperately to avoid it. I'm trying desperately to avoid it. And, um, you know, it's, it's one of the aspects of, you know, the many, many complicated things that we're in the middle of is finances where, you know, there's a significant amount of, of, you know, of just not being honest about finances, um, happening finances happening on her side.

And I sort of, you know, patiently kind of walk through these steps and try to, you know, figure out what to do to move forward. And I guess my question is ultimately, you know, to what extent and, you know, how much of the decision process that, you know, I'm facing is appropriate to be focused on, on finances. I really, really don't feel comfortable, um, divorcing my wife because of finances when we can certainly make it. Um, but then there's a bunch of other problems that, that are, are even bigger.

I don't know if that makes sense of the question. Yeah, so I guess first of all, I wanted to tell you, man, I hear you're hurting, and I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for your wife, too. If you're both, to use your words, desperately trying to stay connected, and you feel that thing just pulling apart further and further, and you're trying to hang on, trying to hang on. It feels powerless and it feels scary. Man, I hate that for you. So I don't think I've ever experienced an interaction with a couple that was having,

here we call it financial infidelity, right? Where somebody's lying about money. They're being deceitful around money. I've never experienced that with a couple, that it didn't have ripple effects into other things, as you mentioned. So tell me, there's something bigger going on here. What's the bigger thing in the water here? Let me ask it this way. You wouldn't be divorcing your wife because of the money thing there's something else there's other things here going on i i agree i agree it's you know and i think that you know truthfully there's been a lot of um a lot

of our experience in early years of marriage where we were, you know, we were swinging in the same direction and really working hard. We both have, you know, some healthy habits with finances. But it is a situation where the more finances, you know, the better our finances became, the more disunified we were. But yeah, your bigger question, I don't know how to answer that without jumping into a complaining session about my wife on the radio, which I don't want to do. But it's been, you know, it's, you know, there's times when the marriage just feels wonderful and it's everything that it should be. And then on a dime, it flips upside down and there's just, it is just crazy, high, high conflict. But you're talking about

your she doesn't see it but you're talking about your marriage in a very you have distanced yourself from it just in your language you're talking very evasively about your language about your marriage you're talking very evasively about one another and so cut right to the middle of it is, are y'all two lying to each other? Are y'all seeing other people? Are you spoiled? There's no sexual infidelity, but there's some serious emotional problems. Okay. And, you know, and, and I, we're 16 years into marriage and, you know, 10, 11 years ago, I started going to counseling and, you know, I've, I've had my own, I've had my own problems and it's been, it's been a journey there. Um, you know, but there's the other side of it and it's, and it's almost like the healthier I get

in some really definitive, clear, clinically measurable ways, the more, um, the kind of crazier and just, just the more just dysfunctional and messed up the marriage becomes and at this point it's just unhinged to the point where it's just not safe to live together so how long have you been separated

you know I moved out about a year ago but even that was super super gradual where I'd still come home to the main house and then just go sleep at the other house. So how long have you been separated though? Uh, you know, and, and so since last summer, I've been, you know, more at the other house completely, but we're still sitting here wrestling with kids and trying to work that out. And to tell you the truth, even before a year ago, we were sleeping in different rooms for a lot of years. How old are your kids, John?

My oldest is 15. My youngest is four. Okay. How many in between? There's four total. Yeah. John, is your marriage over? I hope not.

I'm swinging for a miracle. Okay. Is your wife swinging for a miracle? I think she is. I think she is from where she's standing, yeah. Okay. But I don't know for sure. When's the last time you two went to see somebody for an intensive?

And so for those of you who don't know, an intensive is when you go sit with somebody, a marriage counselor, sometimes you'll go see a marriage group for four hours at a time, sometimes back-to-back, and say, we are going all in. And there's even specialized therapists that will tell you at the end of a four-hour session or an eight-hour session or end of a weekend, this doesn't have the legs to it. Y'all need to begin to solidify the separation. Or they'll say yeah this we we moved some of the wood some of the ashes out man there are some still some embers burning in here have you all done that you know we we did she's always refused counseling and then with divorce on the

table last fall we started going to see a therapist and uh you know i'll you, that did not go well. That was, you know, make your head spin, you know, where at the end of the first, you know, several sessions with the first therapist, you know, my wife and her are yelling at each other. So let's start seeing another therapist, and then we spend the rest of the time complaining about me. Right. Or I sit there trying to swallow, and I can't do that either. So here's the thing, John, you can't, I'm using your words back to you. You can't tell me that both of you desperately want to do this, but one of you won't go. You can't tell me that both of you desperately want to do this, but one person keeps being dishonest about our joint checking accounts or joint money, right? This, I don't want to be the guy that tells you, I think this thing's run its course.

I think this thing is over and y'all need to be serious about where you're moving forward. I would give it one more shot and I would go to an intensive and it's going to be tough and it's going to be hard. And you're going to have to be honest with one another. You're going to be honest with a therapist and then if it is over for the sake of you two and for these children, you've got to act like adults and separate like adults. Give it one more shot, brother. This is The Ramsey Show. Today's scripture, Hebrews 4.12. For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow,

and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Today's quote, a ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. John Augusta Shed. Pretty cool. All right, listen, we are excited to take your calls here. Dr. Deloney and I. If you're out there and you want to talk about something, I want you to give us a call. That phone number is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225.

We'd love to be able to hear from you. All right, next up, we've got David on the line. David, what's your question for John and I? Hey, guys, how you doing? Doing all right, my friend. How are you today? Good, good. My question is something I've been struggling with lately.

I didn't think I would be. I've been feeling kind of jealous and almost resentful seeing some of my friends get some of these big stimulus packages. You know, they're going out, they're buying cars. Some of them are working the system, still getting all this money. And they're my friends, but I don't know why I'm feeling like this. And it's really bothering me. Hmm. I mean.

Go ahead. Is this normal, or do you think there's more than just me? There's a bunch of other people thinking this, or am I just a crazy one? No, I had a conversation this past weekend. I had never heard this term before, Hogan, is a group of young folks, 25, 26, couldn't wait to get their STEMIs. Their second or third STEMI. Oh, is that what they call them? That's what they're calling them now. Right?

It's like a life bonus coming from the clouds. Yeah. Hey, so here's the thing, David. I mean, no, you're not crazy. Right? You're not. Your brain's working just fine. What I'll tell you is jealousy just poisons you.

Right? It ruins your day makes you sick makes you not well it doesn't affect any of the car your buddies are purchasing right i know it does solidify your values you may be feeling a little bit like whoa i thought i knew you guys and i don't think i do does this mean i'm gonna have to start thinking about new friend groups new community groups? So when you see friends or people that you've been ride or die with for a while, man, not that they have different beliefs. We all got different beliefs, but you start to see their values are different than yours.

Man, that's hard. You mourn that because you know you're going to have to make some friend transitions over time, right? But it's not abnormal to feel jealous. I tell you, it's a complete and utter waste of your time, your energy, and your soul. It destroys you from inside. And I get that, and I don't know why. It just bothers me why I'm feeling like that.

Well, I think it's good that you've been able to put your finger on what you're feeling. Yeah. Right? That's fantastic, brother. Now it's a matter of what do you do next. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, David, but what do you mean they're buying a car with the stimulus check? Like, are they getting a different level of check than I'm hearing about in the news? Well, I guess, see, they all have kids.

Me and my wife don't. We weren't able to for certain reasons. That's a whole other show with Dr. David anyway. That's, you know, I feel in my mind, I'm like, shouldn't you all be saving some of this money for your kids or your future? I got you. So, brother, it is a separate show. Listen, it is a separate show, but it's not.

It's all wound up there together. Yep. And it's just one more ding, one more, come on, man, right? And it hurts. And it's just a reminder, right? And the first time all your buddies start posting their first day of kindergarten pictures, that's going to come back, and they start posting their high school graduation. All that's going to be there. And so everything about your life, your marriage, your work, your friends, your church group, anybody you're connected with,

the faster you can resolve in your heart to put that stuff down, the better and lighter you're going to walk through life. So instead of it hurting and going, what are you guys doing? Man, your friends are your friends. Either disconnect from them or go over there and say, you bought a car. You're an idiot. Let's go for a ride, man. Right? And maybe it's because me and my wife are working the baby steps and they're not.

It's all wrapped up together. All of that, man. Yeah. And I would say, you know, it comes back to, I like that you're aware of this and I like that you're able to name it. Beautiful. And the fact that you would just free flow and talk about the kid thing, that's a big chunk of this, you know, but you guys coming back and being in, in, in focus on what it is you're

doing. You and I know people love to live fake rich. Okay. People love to play like everything's okay. But the reality is, is what's happening inside their house. You really don't know. And it's really none of your business. You want to work your plan and your steps to get to where it is you want to go.

So I just would redirect that energy and let it fuel you toward what it is you can control, you and your wife together. Here's a quick tip. Whenever you feel your buddy calls and says, hey, come check out this car. I just got a $7,000 STEMI, and I'm going to go buy a car with it. And you get that initial pissed off, you know that feeling? Say, hey, I'll be over tonight. You can give me a test drive.

I want you to lean into it, and I want you to celebrate it with them, even if it's hard, even if it's hard. When they post something about their kid's Halloween costume, and your first thought is, come on, why not us? I want you to make sure you got candy for that little kid, right? I want you to lean into that stuff, and over time, that spirit of frustration that spirit of jealousy that spirit of why them and not me you you begin to celebrate life with them

not against them and here's the thing you and your wife opted in on this baby step deal don't go around hating on other people who aren't as enlightened and as wise as you are choosing to be okay part of this journey is like you know we about, you don't get to go out to eat and you miss out on those things. We probably could do a better job talking about your friends will not want to be friends with you or you will resent other people

because you're living a life that you wish you were living, but you're making the hard decisions now so that down the road you've got more gas in the tank. And the reality is you're going to put yourself in a position to be able to do more.

You're living the example right now. As I call it, you're going to put yourself in a position to be able to do more. You're living the example right now. As I call it, you're going through the tough, right? You're going through the tough part right now. And on the other side, brother, it's better. It really is. But it is a matter of kind of withstanding that. And I want to encourage you to do this. What you're feeling and what you talked about with John and I here, I want you to get with your wife.

And I want you guys to sit down and I want you to ask each other, hey, how do you feel? Or what do you wish you could tell them? And I wish I could tell. And I want you guys, once you get kind of that out of your system, now go back to, hey, what can we control? Why are we doing what we're doing? What's the stuff we're motivated to do?

And dream out loud and kind of work together. But it's important to stay aligned yeah just i is as hard as it is to do do the hard work of putting down those heavy ugly mean emotions man especially don't go to the internets and leave comments solves nothing yeah oh people get digital muscles all the time. Oh, man. It's ridiculous. You know, I read something. It said hate is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. That's right. And that's what jealousy is too. Jealousy is the same way.

Jealousy is too. So, you know, in that, you got to find a way to channel it. And again, I appreciate you calling in, David, being able to let that out. Oh, you're a brave dude, man. But you are brave. He really is. And he's aware. But it's really important to not only let that out, but then come up with what he really is and he's aware but it's really important

to not only let that out but then come up with what's the system that i'm going to do what's my decision tree and handling this because it's going to pop back up that's right and i can't let it get to level 10 so i can address it at level two that's exactly right so in the nerd world we call this the fundamental attribution error and an easy way to think of it is i'm going to get inside your head and i know why you did what you just did yeah right i'm making a decision as to ah he cut me off in traffic because he is the worst not hey he cut me off in traffic he's probably hauling over to to the er to see somebody that he loves we get to choose while i'm driving my little car which one of those scenarios I put that driver into

one of them is going to make me wreck my car give me high blood pressure like make my liver fail the other one is going to give me peace it's going to help me honor my fellow man my fellow woman and allow you to extend some grace and I'm going to live longer too

that's really cool but listen I want to thank all you callers for taking the time to call in I want to thank producer James Child and associate producer Kelly Daniel. Thank you, John. We had a lot of fun. Good show here today. This is The Ramsey Show.

If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit DaveRamsey.com slash show and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell your story.