The Ramsey Show - App - I’m Scared To Pause Investing While Paying Off Debt

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Dave Ramsey & George Kamel discuss: Buying a family farmhouse, Why you should pause investing to get out of debt, What to do when you have a company car, When spouses disagree on how to care for aging family. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. You jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. George Camel, Ramsey personality, host of the Entree Leadership Podcast, the Fine Print Podcast, and many other things around Ramsey, is my co-host as we answer your questions. We help people build wealth, do work that they love and create real high quality relationships it's your life and it's right here on the radio ray is with us ray is in cincinnati hi ray welcome to the show

thanks uh thanks for taking my call guys sure what's my question is i'm looking for the best way to purchase a family farm from a trust uh my in-law offered to sell us the farm at about half its value because he just no longer can really maintain it. He wants to make sure he can. He'd like to see something done with it while he has the ability to make the decisions while he's got his health. Like I said, it's already in a family trust where my wife and four kids make up half the trustees. And it's like a dream opportunity, but we have about 90,000 left on our current mortgage. And we're hoping that in

about two and a half years, we were going to be completely debt free, but it's a dream for us to have the farm. So we didn't know if any ideas how to make this happen any special transfers or anything we can do just trying to come up with a way to make this happen okay who owns who has the beneficial interest in the trust who's the owner of the farm today not your wife just this one in-law yes okay so this one person is going to be the only benefit correct okay and what are they selling it to you for what is the dollar amount uh three hundred thousand it will be about half the actual value and what is your i heard that part earlier what is your house worth uh i would say probably four hundred thousand and you know 90 you can can you not live on the farm

uh well uh sorry i left that part out they would love to stay they want to stay on the farm until they pass so and no the farmhouse is not big enough to hold our family they live in the farmhouse now correct how many acres is the farm uh roughly 90 acres would you farm it well it's cash lease right now and that farm income covers a tax as an insurance and i would continue to do that and then have some recreational property there also. So when the person passes, what will happen to the farmhouse?

Will you live in it? At that point, we don't know if it would be a home park. Would you build on another portion of the farm? I don't believe so. I'm confused, Ray. this doesn't even make sense you're saying this is your dream but it also has no feasibility for your family to live there well is uh just the location the recreation the uh owning owning the dirt is the dream not living on correct okay all right um well here's what i think about doing all right i think about carving out one acre around the house that the person who wants to live in give them a life estate to that house and one acre not to the entire property okay i would sell your house and move into a rental and buy this property now you own it okay then you've got two options one is start saving like

crazy for a good strong down payment on a house or uh start talking about building on this property and getting a construction loan to do that. How far is it from your work? 30 miles. How far are you from your work now? 25. No, okay, that's a break-even. So I'm going to challenge you to find a corner of the property, not right square in the

middle of the stinking thing and look for a building site all right okay so really then you're you're gonna you're you're only going to be in debt what it takes to build a house because you're gonna pay cash for the property when you sell your property yes okay how old is the people living in the farmhouse uh late 70s do you want to rent until they leave no okay probably not okay so what i'm what i'm saying is okay how big here's your trade-off okay always look at things that are trade-off and like one hand two hands right the the old tipping of the scales kind of a thing if you visualize the scales of justice a little bit okay you want to own this how bad do you want to

own it how much inconvenience are you willing to go to to get to own it and do it in a wise way paying cash for it from the sale of your property sounds okay. That leaves you homeless, however, and we've got to figure out a place for you to park, right? Yes. And so the tradeoff is do you go into debt to build you a house and put it on a 15-year fixed or less and build you a pretty nice property equal to the one you've got now in the corner of the farm somewhere, leaving the rest of it open for farming and recreation? You've maybe turned the little farmhouse into a rental when the people pass, the uncle

passes or whatever, or you just go rent and start piling up some cash and reassess your options, but now your dream is. So are you willing on the negative side to rent or be inconvenienced in order to live this dream, or you want your cake and eat it this dream or you want your cake and eat it too if you want your cake and eat it too you're going to break yourself you don't have enough money yeah the thing is that when they pass my wife and the kids become 50 owners in it at that point anyway but then i think things get messy and that's what i kind of worry about i agree go ahead and close on it i'd sell the one you live in i'd do the deal okay you can buy a

six hundred thousand dollar property for three hundred thousand and basically they're advancing you her half is what they're doing they're not really discounting it they're just advancing you her half right and then and but you own the dirt and then i'm gonna figure out some way to live on that dirt if i'm you and how desperate do you want to be on that i mean people have done some crazy things that i wouldn't do that have called this show like roll a roll a uh a trailer you know a five thousand dollar trailer up on there and park it or something i'm not living in that but because i'm a snob but um but you know you you figure out what you're coming out of four hundred thousand dollar house so I'm not making that as a viable suggestion. Okay. But what would Ramsey's do?

I like dirt. You know, I got a 250 acre farm just over the hill over is one of my favorite places on the planet. And so I believe in owning some dirt to keep the planet held together. We don't want it to come apart or anything. So and I like this. It's in the family. You got you got you you like it it's in your wife's family it's pretty cool i think it's got a cool vibe on the thing but don't go over

there and go three hundred thousand dollars in debt keep your four hundred thousand dollar house and try to figure out why you're broke because we will all know multiple mortgages because you had this dream yeah we will all know why you're broke because you did stupid butt stuff because you got all caught up in the dream of this thing and thought it was all just going to work out. It ain't going to work out. You got to make it work out, dude. You got to force it through the mold. And that means you put stuff on the other side of the scales, the inconvenient, bad stuff, living in a rental building, waiting, something uncomfortable in order to make this happen today and keep the messiness of family out of it later. This is The Ramsey Show.

I just saw a study that really made me sad. It showed that families owning life insurance in the U.S. was at its lowest point since the 1970s. After what we've been through the past few years, I'm just lost on how people don't make this more of a priority. How are you going to make sure your family needs are met if something happens to you? This is why getting term life is an absolute necessity. Rates have never been cheaper and the whole process to apply is pretty simple, with many companies not even requiring an exam anymore. This is why I send you to Zander Insurance, and I have for almost 25 years.

They'll make sure you get the right protection at the lowest cost possible, and they're there for you and your family every day. I challenge all of you to make sure your families are protected. It needs to be a top priority. Call Zander at 800-356-4282 or visit zander.com. That's 800-356-4282 or zander.com. George, do you realize we're going to get to do a live event in about a week? Not virtual? Not virtual.

Real people. It's like humans. Virtual means sort of, kind of. Yeah. We're not sort of, kind of doing it. This is real. We're really freaking doing it. Game on. It's human beings, and it's going to be about 2,000 of, kind of. Yeah. We're not sort of, kind of doing it. We're really freaking doing it. Game on.

It's human beings, and it's going to be about 2,000 of us there in Las Vegas. We'll be there May the 5th. That is next Thursday for most of you. And we are looking forward to being there. We're going to be doing one of our Building Wealth live events. We're doing them all over the nation this spring and fall. Rachel Cruz, George Camel, and I, and we're adding Dr. John Deloney and King Coleman into the mix, and I'll be discussing

things that are going on in America right now, things that people are talking about, and how do you really build wealth in this current environment, in this current situation. Las Vegas is next week, May 5th. Two weeks later, Orlando on May the 19th. And that's followed by the Entree Leadership Summit the following week there in Orlando. We'll be down there for four days doing that. That's going to be about 3,000 folks, small business leaders from all over America. A lot of fun and then in the fall we will be doing sacramento november the 1st minneapolis november the 10th san antonio november the 15th and we'll be adding one more city very soon the mystery will be unveiled i heard today the contract is coming in

i didn't even know so this is news to me i have to get the venues under contract these days before we can actually start talking about them because well people are just weird plans change so there you go yeah on top of that smart conference october 22nd in dallas that's right so we've got a whole bunch of events over the place george we're gonna get some work out of you that's what i'm getting some miles too that's what i'm saying crack the whip tickets are 25 each for these building wealth live events a four pack however you can get bring a you know one of you couples. Bring another couple with you that are friends. Y'all will make a great night of it.

You're going to be entertained. You're going to leave inspired. You're going to know what to do to build wealth. You're not going to be under any illusions of any get-rich-quick stuff or anything like that. $60 for a four-pack. That's only $15 a piece. You can't buy a pizza for that. So come out.

We would love to have you. Again, Vegas, there's a few tickets left for next week. If you want to come. Orlando, just a couple. You better get them quick. They're just about sold out for here in May. May 5th, May 19th, and the ones for next fall are already over half

sold out. Wow. And so don't wait around. People are itching to get out. I wish I'd gotten my ticket they're not that expensive go get them my goodness gracious ramsey solutions.com slash events is the place to go that's exactly right thanks for that reminder blinds.com is our question of the day find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings free samples free shipping new promos all the time you save money use the promo code ramsey to get the best deal it's magic today's question comes from davin in florida i'm a 45 year

old single dad who has been financially irresponsible for most of my life two years ago i became a full time firefighter with great benefits now i have a deferred compensation plan saved religiously towards my son's prepaid college expenses, and I'm putting $120 a month into an index fund. My monthly expenses are my mortgage, living expenses, $600 child support, and a $200 Chapter 13 bankruptcy payment. I'm hesitant about stopping my current investments and my son's prepaid college to pay off the $10,000 of Chapter 13 debt only because I've started so late in the game. What an interesting predicament he's found himself in. Well, I don't see this any different than a different type of debt. I'm putting this in the debt snowball.

I'm pausing all investments, and I'm going gangbusters to get rid of this debt really fast. Yeah. Yeah. Davin or Davin, however you pronounce it, the truth is when you get the debts paid off and you're out from under the Chapter 13 bankruptcy, that's going to put your financial irresponsibility and the shame associated with it in the rearview mirror today you get a monthly reminder it's like i have to write i was i used to be stupid check every month you don't want to keep doing that you want that in your rearview mirror where grace belongs and look out the windshield towards a beautiful bright future what little ground you lose by

stopping temporarily you're investing while you clear up the debt you will be able to make up very quickly um and i will tell you that some of the most successful people following our plans are first responders uh firemen in most areas the way their schedules are put together have a an unbelievably fabulous opportunity for a side hustle and a lot of them make more on their side hustles than they do or as much as they do being a firefighter. And so I know a bunch of them that build decks and paint houses and do all kinds of stuff, got great side businesses in their off days because you're off half the time. And then when you're on, you're on completely. So you did say you're a single dad, so I don't know what that entails here in terms of being able to do the side hustle. But all of that to say there's something spiritually, emotionally, psychologically significant about putting that bankruptcy in your rearview mirror, plus you're getting out of debt.

So let's – yeah, George is exactly right. And that will increase your cash flow on top of that, on top of the spirit part. Mathematically, you'll be able to do all your stuff better. You'll triple the money to invest instead of $100. And by the way, I wouldn't do prepaid college ever. I would do a 529 in good mutual funds. You don't want to prepay a college because you might not go there, and you might not go in that state, and I don't know how they've got it set up.

And when you prepay something, your rate of return on what you prepaid is the inflation rate of the item. College has traditionally been a 7.2% over the last 50 years is the inflation rate on tuition. And so you're making 7% on your money instead of 10% or 12% in a good mutual fund. And so you should be in a 529 in good mutual funds, not in a prepaid college anyway and on top of that some of the states that you people are paying into your prepaid on

they are awful with money like illinois uh did you cough or maybe states sound like that illinois yeah but um yeah horrible horrible financial condition and i don't really want to park my money with this institution that is completely out of control. So, no, don't do that. Good question. Shelby's in Fort Worth, Texas. Hi, Shelby. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Hi, Dave and George. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Hey, so I just got an opportunity to have a company car. And so now I'm wondering what to do with my personal car. I've got about $34,000 left in student loans, and some kind of claim to sell, but...

Can you drive the company car for personal use? Yes, I can. Why would you keep the other car then, sell it? My concern is if the company car has to go in for any type of longer maintenance, I drive the car throughout the city to different jobs and homes, and so if I don't have a car to drive personally, then it can't work. If the company tells you to put their car in for maintenance, they don't give you a replacement?

That is a good question. I don't know. I just got it. That would be normal, by the way. And how often is this going in for maintenance? Well, I mean, I just got it. So it's a little older with over 100,000 miles, so it may be a little more frequent. But the company gave you a company car with a hundred thousand miles on it.

I'm in home health. So it rocks up easily. Wow. So you're putting a lot of miles on a car. Yes. Okay. And my commute in right now is really long. Um, it's about an hour commute, but that'll be decreasing in the summer.

Okay. I'd sell it for top dollar, your current car, and use that thing. Okay. How big is your company? We're pretty big over the state. I'm sorry? We're pretty big all over the state, yeah. Okay.

Because they just, they cheaped out on the car, and I was just curious why. Oh, I mean, I don't know. It was not supposed to be a permanent thing. I was just supposed to have it for a couple months, and then it kind of turned into a long-term thing. So, I mean, I don't know how long they typically keep their cars. It could be at the end of its cycle. Okay.

All right. Yeah, I would get rid of it. You don't have any reason to pay bills on a car sitting in your driveway. If the whole deal falls apart for whatever reason, they'll get you another car. If the car goes in for extended maintenance, rent a car for a short period of time. All of that will be cheaper than owning a car that's sitting in your driveway, paying tags and insurance. And in general, the thing's going down in value. It hasn't lately, but in general it is.

So, yeah, I'm getting rid of it. Thanks for the call. George Campbell Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America, in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage. DRC and Alan are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hi, Dave. Hi, so excited to meet you both. You too.

Where do you guys live? We're in St. Augustine, Florida. Oh, beautiful area. Very cool. Welcome to Nashville and all the way here to do a debt. You too. Where do you guys live? We're in St. Augustine, Florida. Oh, beautiful area. Very cool. Welcome to Nashville and all the way here to do a debt-free scream. How much did you pay off? $306,586.66. Love it. Might be the nerd. Love it. Might be. Might be. Yeah. And how long did this take? This took 42 months. Okay, and your range of income during that time? We started at $194,000 and went up to $247,000. Wow.

Very cool. What do you all do for a living? I'm a pharmacist. And I'm a painting contractor. Very good. Good. Okay, what kind of debt was this? Was this the house?

No. No. No, it was from a failed business from a failed business yes okay tell us the story what happened yes so actually this is the second time we've gone through um your baby steps so we had completely paid off everything including the house in 2017 and we apparently did not learn our lesson hard enough. No. We thought a business was different, so we ended up getting some business loans and doing a business that ended up failing in about a year and a half.

Which is when you find out that business is not different. Yes, business is not different, and you need to listen to your Uncle Dave. Debt is debt is debt is debt is debt. Yes. So what kind of business was it? Yes it was a hormone weight loss business. Okay and what happened what caused it to fail? Well we had it was a brick and mortar so I would first advise nobody to do brick and mortar if you can at all help it and to like we really had a marketing issue so lots of expense and then it was hard

getting people in the door. Okay not enough customers. Not enough customers yes. So lots of expense, and then it was hard getting people in the door. Okay. Not enough customers. Not enough customers, yes. So do you still have a paid-for house? No. So this is all the business debt that we paid off, so we still have the house left. But we are keeping our expenses very, very low.

So it's very, very manageable. We should be able to have that paid off in about... Right now, the house is the only debt that we have. Right. Okay. And so what was this like sba loans or um no we had taken like the equity from a house that we had paid off and used a lot of that and then on top of that we were we were trying to support the marketing so we were getting a bunch of different um loans and credit cards for that okay all right cool so the thing crashes you close it up and then you go okay now i gotta clean this up yes yes and that was 42 months ago yes yes wow so we were that's a hard debt to pay off emotionally yeah i mean it's one thing to go

buy something stupid at the store and then have that on a credit card but the the the failed business breaks your heart yes and you know it just makes you beat yourself up. And now I've got to pay payments on it. Oh, my gosh. It's like paying alimony. It's awful. It's on the old marriage, you know. It's like, ugh.

Absolutely. It was like one of the darkest times of life that I've ever been through. And, you know, I just. It's hard. I'm so grateful that, you know know we were able to do it together and walk through it together and and kind of make progress forward and and um just just grateful to be out of that dark place yeah well you guys you guys did a lot of hustling and grinding okay and so the business closed um were one of you already were you you're already a pharmacist i'm sure

okay and were you already doing painting yes pharmacist i'm sure okay and were you already doing painting yes okay so you just took those and made them the full-time gig and beefed it up and went on yes okay all right and then just roll up your sleeves and get after it yes yes just we had a huge excel sheet of all the little things and just took them one by one through the snowball i i gave your debt snowball app a workout. Throwing snowballs. That's what it's there for. That's awesome. Yes.

So what was the hardest part for you guys? I mean, 42 months is a long time, and that's a whole big pile of debt. What was the hardest part? I think just the emotional part of it. You know, a lot of self-doubt and, you know, pain. Yeah, sleepless nights and just wondering if you know can we can we really do this like can we get through it and um yeah i mean god god willing

we we were and we had we had a lot of support yeah well it as dark as it is too as you start approaching the light at the end of it, it gets really, really super exciting. It's just like, I'm just about done with this crap. Right? I mean, I remember this. I remember this exact set of emotions. Yeah. Every two weeks, our daughter would help us with the little chart that we had going.

So she'd take out her little pink highlighter and help us along. So it was so satisfying as you see the debt snowball grow and you see you're making these huge chunks on your debt, which you never thought were possible. And so now we're seeing the glimmer on the horizon and we see how we can flip it. And then that's going to start to be our savings and really make some major progress here in the next couple of years.

Most of us that have closed a small business they've experienced a certain amount if not a lot of shame for the goof up that is associated with it and the further you got down the debt snowball the more that was in your rearview mirror the thing i experienced was i was more and more and more free of not just the debt and the the arithmetic but that shame was further back there it's like oh that's back there that's back there i'm not that guy anymore i learned it i got it it's back there. It's like, oh, that's back there. That's back there. I'm not that guy anymore. I learned it. I got it.

It's back there. Last little bit. I got to sweep up this one more corner and we're done. Yes. But what was hard was even preparing for today. We were putting together our little like placard of saying how much we paid off and just looking at the number. I mean, I know, you know, I know the number because I'm the nerd, but just looking at the number on the placard of

how much we paid off is like oh it's just you know hits you in the gut and it's done but it's done it's done it's done it's finished we're here this is our celebration never again never again again never again for anything for anything yeah you you never again yeah it's this lesson is now seared that was a hot stove with a lot of zeros at the end of it. Yes, yes, yes. Wow, well, you guys are inspiring. And you said you had a lot of support. Who were your biggest cheerleaders? Oh, so many people really, really helped us.

We did go through Financial Peace University a couple different times and are so glad for all of the sets of families that went through that with us. They actually co-led it, and we co-led it at Pneuma Life Church, so I just want to give a shout out to our church, and also to our Ramsey Preferred coach, Heather Seymour, who has been along for the ride with us. She really helped us, especially with the business finances and getting that dialed in and the debt there. So we can't.

To the point she actually comes up here and does the debt-free screen with you. Yes. That's ultimate support right there. That's awesome. Yes. Absolutely. And I also want to thank a close friend of mine, Chris Larson, for all the support he gave me. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to have friends in your corner when you're going through this. It's a big deal. I mean, it's a big deal. What y'all have been through is incredible. I'm of you for work walking through it because it's a tough tough slog uh getting out that's one thing getting out of this kind of debt in this situation with all the emotions and things around it it's um it's a big deal very well done very very very well done what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is now you've been through

an fpu a couple times and now you did the hard stuff what do you tell them the key to getting out of debt is? Now you've been through an FPU a couple times, and now you did the hard stuff. What do you tell them? Well, I was going to say the biggest thing that I learned from going through this is from my wife and I getting on the same page and just coming to an agreement with every decision that we made. And we haven't had a – even going through all of this, we haven't had a fight over finances since 2009. Right. That's a big deal. Yeah.

Because all along together, we made the financial decisions. It had to be like two thumbs up or we weren't doing it. So we were in it together and we fought through it together. And, you know, having your steps to really have a framework of like, okay, this is how we're going to do it. We're going to agree on this framework and we're going to solution and move forward. Love it. Love it. Well done.

We got a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That's the next chapter. You're on your way. Thank you. I love it. And a copy of Total Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody in your FPU group or somebody you want to stir up a ruckus with. I love it.

And have to say hello to Genevieve and Campbell, our kids that are at home. You got it. Very cool. Hi, guys. All right, DRC and Allen, St. Augustine, Florida, $307,000 paid off in 42 months, making $199,000 to $247,000. Count it down.

Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! We're debt-free! I felt that one deep down. I'm free! Yeah! Woo! Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! I felt that one deep down. Yeah. Wow.

Real stuff going on there. Never gets old. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. George Campbell Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jeanette is in Savannah, Georgia. Hi, Jeanette. How are you? Hi, I'm good.

Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. What's up? So my husband and I, I'm kind of caught between my husband and my grandmother, and I love them both so much, and I want to love them well. And I'm hoping you can give me some advice. We've been married for about a year. We're debt-free except for our mortgage.

Our household income is about $90,000 a year. We both work a billion hours of overtime. And I've been financially supporting my grandparents since before we got married. And we agreed that I'd continue to do that for them because they're on a very fixed income. And that comes out to about $700 a month that I help to pay their rent. When my grandfather passed away very suddenly in June of last year, her income, of course, took a big hit because now there's just her Social security. The plan was that when the lease is up in July, that she would move in with us to save money,

and she's in the process of selling a piece of commercial property that's her only asset, and we were going to use that money to buy her a permanent house that she can live in with no payment. Well, she told me yesterday that she's just not emotionally ready to move. It hurts too much even for her to look at my grandfather's things, Well, she told me yesterday that she's just not emotionally ready to move. It hurts too much even for her to look at my grandfather's things, much less pack them up and come stay with us with nothing in her hand but a suitcase. And she wants me to extend the lease for her.

My husband wants what's best for all of us financially, especially because we're expecting our first baby in July as well. And he's pretty adamant that giving money to a rental company is a waste when she can live with us or, you know, just temporarily. And I'm kind of, he's correct 100% mathematically. But then I've also got the emotional side of the equation from her and I'm desperately looking for a third option. Do you think that I should extend the lease for her or try to convince her to stay with us or maybe just extend the lease for a few months to give the property time to sell? I just don't know what would be the wise decision here. I'm sorry.

That's a hard place to be. It sure is. How old is she? She's in her mid-70s. How long has she lived in this rental? About two years. She still lived there with me before i got married and moved out and they continued to live there after i got married does she attend a local church

she does she is very active in her in her local church and she has friends to support her and everything but it's you know they they were married for over 30 years. I can't imagine what she's going through, and my heart's broken for her, but at the same time, I want all of us to be okay. Well, it's just sad. The thing is this. Her staying in this house for a few more months is not going to mean her heart is not broken. Right. Her 30-year best friend is gone.

Her heart's just broken. And she's confusing that, that this house location, which isn't a human thing, by the way. There's nothing wrong. She's not doing wrong but um yeah the truth is is that um she's gonna have she's going to deal with the grief of this situation in a location and in a rental house she's been in for two years doesn't enter into the emotional part of it it's just she's she just wishing that this wasn't the story and i can i can pretend i can put my hands over my ears and go la la la la this story is not happening if i can just stay in this house and so it's it's kind of a form of denial if you will i think do you think

i'm wrong no i i think you're right i think she's having a really hard time i would have a little more i would i would i would agree with her a little bit more if she'd lived in this house for 30 years you know but it's been there two years and so to associate that with him being gone is not as logical does that is that a lot do you see what i'm saying yeah and i i get that she's hurting i i'm not i don't want to diminish that and i don't think the way you've presented this that your husband is diminishing that i think he's just going look we've all got to deal with this and it's just there's no good ending to this story because pop you know grandpa's just gone i mean and he's just gone to heaven and so it you know it's just gonna hurt whatever we do is gonna hurt and so um

and how long ago did he pass again um almost a year in june last year it feels like on top of the you know on top of the emotions he's looking at the facts going well this is she's broke and so without you she doesn't have any options and so at that point i go okay she lives with us for a little bit and then we you sell this commercial property she processes through the grief as much as she can and maybe you can give her some tools to do that but either way she's going to have to get out of this thing because you can't fund her life forever. I think that you've got a good plan overall. And while my heart breaks for your grandma, I think your husband's probably right, not from a math standpoint, but even from just loving your grandmother well standpoint,

because she just needs some people to grieve with, and you being there for her and a new baby in the house and all that kind of stuff, that's a good place for her to kind of heal and spend time with, you know? And living in this rental house with the past all around her. Just isolated. That doesn't facilitate her going through the hurt and the pain of this. It doesn't facilitate her going through the hurt and the pain of this it doesn't facilitate her going through the grieving process so i'm probably the reason i ask about the church is if she respects her pastor i'd probably you know the two of you

sit are the you and your husband and grandma sit down with pastor and let pastor you know kind of be the spiritual guide and maybe he even takes some of the lumps instead of your husband taking them because maybe he suggests that she go ahead and get out of there and get moved because i think that's what's best for her not you know it also happens to be what's best for y'all but i think it's what's best for her because her reasoning for staying there is to say i'm going to pretend like this didn't happen i want to live in the past a little while longer that's going to make me not hurt and not walk through the process of the grief here and i want her to to uh dr deloney always says grief demands a witness and so when he's got

she's got you and your husband and the new baby and she's right there and and um you know she's not lonely she's not sitting there in that rental house by herself watching some stupid television thing you know you know what i'm saying i think it's just best for her okay and i i knew that i know that you're right i know that he's right it's just it's so hard for me to watch her cry, you know. Well, my point is she's really not crying about a rental house. Yeah. She's really crying because Grandpa's gone. Yeah.

And that's okay. She's supposed to cry. I mean, I've been married 40 years. We plan on me dying before Sharon because i won't do well without her it's a it's part of the estate plan i pre-decease her i mean it's just it's the way we've arranged it as long as there's no more details about how that's going to go then it gets scary what's sharon planning over there don't ask about sharon's plans okay but yeah well jeanette i'd love to send you a copy of John Deloney's new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future.

I'm hoping it gives you some tools, maybe some tools for Grandma. Maybe you guys can go through it together. I don't know what that looks like for you, but we'll have Kelly pick up and send you guys a copy because I think that can give her some tools, some resources to process through this very, very difficult thing. I do think the pastor with his arm around her and you and your husband sitting there and y'all praying and her crying through this decision is probably going to help her and i don't want the end of this story to be your husband ends up being the bad guy to grandma or to you either one because he's not and uh he you did not describe him as belligerent or greedy or this is not about money.

And in just thinking it through with you here on the air, it really does appear to us that it's really what's best for her emotionally, psychologically. Oh, and the finances also happen to line up. This is the Ramsey Show. Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. It's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes. Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.