The Ramsey Show - App - I'm Worried About Money Issues in My Relationship (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality is my co-host today here on the air. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Starting this hour off is going to be Lance in Amarillo.

Hi, Lance. How are you? I'm doing well, Dave. How are you guys? Better than I deserve. How can I help? Very good. Hey, I'm really calling you guys for, I guess, a dose of wisdom here. I'm pretty sure I'm in a position that I could retire, but I don't know if it's wise for me to. Okay. In what way is it unwise? You don't have enough money or what? Well, I mean, I've got a net worth of about 3.2.

Okay. So I think we're okay. Well done. Thank you. Did you inherit that or what? A little bit, a little bit of farmland. I did. About 400 probably of that.

But the rest of it is just paying attention. Yeah, well done, man. You paid a lot of attention. Good job. So, Lance, I know some young guys with that kind of money who've semi-retired. What's the hesitancy in your heart here? Well, my wife's health is marginal. She has some gastrointestinal-type issues,

and so I'm needing to have very good insurance while I'm employed, and I just am hesitant to leave that behind. I'm 60. She's 62. So, you know, we're a little way from Medicare and those kinds of things. Have you investigated just buying something like a Blue Cross Blue Shield policy through one of our ELPs? I have, and it's clearly – I don't know much about the coverage that it supplies, I guess.

You don't know much about what? The coverage. Oh, yeah, you would want to know that. So I guess I would sit down with an endorsed local provider on health insurance and learn the coverages. But if you can buy health insurance that will cover her issues, then why would you not retire? You know, I don't know. I probably would.

I probably would. Lance, what's your trade? What do you do out there in Amarillo? I'm an IT director. Where at? Insurance company. Okay. Okay.

So you probably could do a lot of side gigs at your schedule, however you wanted to, and work halftime. In a lot of IT things, you probably have the skills to do that. And, you know, a little bit of contract work here or there. If you just want to stay busy, keep your skills sharp, that kind of thing for the fun of it, and buy some insurance, but regain a lot of freedom, a lot of independence by going ahead and retiring if you want to do that.

You've got the money, and if you've got the health insurance, if you want to work, work. I don't care. You don't have to retire, but you don't have to work either right well it you know it's uh the work the job is getting you know i've been doing it for nearly 40 years and it's you know i'm getting it's getting old yeah yeah and i suspect you could probably do a lot of the same kinds of things on your schedule and less hours make pretty good money and it wouldn't be as burnout for you

but the whole situation is what grates on you am i wrong no that's that's exactly right it's it's the you know it's the eight to five and you know all the all the stuff that goes with the corporate life yeah well i don't ever recommend i don't say say ever, but I do not plan to quit working completely. Because your brain and body will quit on you if you do that, right? I just do not. I want to be doing something. I will be wandering around this building spreading hate and dissension in one way or another, right? But I do need to downsize and offload some of the things that I'm doing over the next 10 years.

I'm 60, and it'll be good for the company, but I'll be here on the air. But some of the internal stuff I do, I don't need to have my hands in everything ongoing, and you don't either, by the way. So you could do a similar thing, like a graduated thing rather than a truncated thing, meaning you gradually, by leaving there and picking up 25 hours of contract work that you do at your leisure you don't need the freaking money you just need to keep your brain busy yeah and Lance this is I'm gonna make this geographic but it's not because this is happening to people all over the country but there is a west texas ethos that a man is his job and if you

quit working you kind of quit ceasing to exist and it's just the way you've got farmland you've got your hands in that you're an it guy which means you've probably been on call for the last 40 years there's just this sense of this is who you are and now you're faced with the woman you love more than anything else in the world's got health issues and you want to spend time with her and you're worried about this. Put that at bed, man. You're a good man. You're a good husband. You put in 40 years, you've worked hard. You've clearly, like Dave said, have the money, sit down and get with somebody who knows that market out there in Amarillo and reimagine some things and get some peace in your heart,

spend some time with your wife, like Dave said, 25, 40 hours a week doing work that you want to do that's exciting. When you want to do it. When you want to do it, yeah. Or don't, right? Choices, yeah, or don't. The choices are there.

But so, and that's not, I agree with everything you said except that that's a West Texas thing. No, I was going to say, it's everywhere, yeah. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. And it's, you know, it might's a West Texas thing. No, I was going to say, it's everywhere, yeah. It's an everywhere thing. It's everywhere. And it's, you know, it might be a boomer thing more than a millennial thing.

But this idea that because our generation accurately recognized there's dignity in work. I was going to say, I think the millennials have flipped it where relationships are everything and work's just not a thing. And it's not something you need to do. There's dignity in work. We are made to work. That's right. There's extraordinary dignity there. So there's something that does for your psyche, for who you are.

It gives you a sense of meaning, a sense of purpose, assuming you're doing something that's not immoral or wrong or whatever. And it can be literally working on the farm. Absolutely. If you've got your big West Texas ranchas ranch there you know that's right so um but but you've got the money get the health insurance in place imagine some part-time contractual things do that over the next 90 days and retire that's what i would do if i were in your shoes because i think you're done with that place you work with emotionally i can hear that for sure yep you're you shoes. Absolutely, 100%. Because I think you're done with that place you work with emotionally. I can hear that for sure.

You've stuck it out. They're not mean, but you're done with them. There's almost this request for, like, is it a character issue? No, it's not. It's not a character issue. It's not at all. It's not at all. Good for you, Lance, for setting yourself up like this.

Yeah. Good for you. Absolutely. You may have enough land. He runs a big cattle operation or something. I was with a guy the other day on 8,000 acres. That just blows my mind. You know, you can raise some cattle. You can put a couple of cows on 8,000 acres. You can work it out. And then you got to go find them. That's me. It's like, you just got to dig that bell out

front. They'll come running. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's a lot. It's a lot of square miles, but you know, it's, um, you know, it's a different mindset. And so, you know, just find something that you put your hand to. Make sure your health insurance issues are cared for. Your money, you've done it. You did it. Touchdown. You're an everyday millionaire.

Proud of you. Well done. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about you but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique. Owner BJ designed a truly modern minimalist belt made of high quality materials with no holes, no flap, and no bulk. And the buckles come in really cool designs and are interchangeable. I personally own these belts in different styles, and talk about affordability, Grip6 belts come with a lifetime guarantee. And that means if you no longer like or fit the style of your belt,

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Casey is with us, and Casey's in Texas. Hi, Casey. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hi Dave, hi Dr. Deloney, thanks so much for having me. Sure, what's up? So I recently got engaged and my fiance and I are looking at buying or building a house in an up-and-coming area here in Austin. But throughout this process there have been some red flags that have been raised and now I'm just kind of trying to figure out what to do and what I should do from a relationship standpoint and a financial standpoint. Okay. What kind of red flags?

So we had had some discussions while we were dating about finances, and it seems that they were sugarcoated a bit. And so basically when we started having financial conversations, I had some concerns and I talked to my parents. My parents are awesome. And for my birthday, got me Financial Peace University. So I got on the debt snowball bandwagon. And within the next six weeks, I'll have paid off all of my debt and be completely debt-free. But he didn't really get on that bandwagon with me. And it turns out after we got engaged, his debt is about double what I thought it was. So he has about $100,000 in debt. And I think just our views of finances, our views of debt are very different. And so that's my primary red flag. Is it different because you thought it or is it different because he lied to you?

I think a little bit of both. So I think getting out of debt is a huge deal for me. I'm so excited. I have a PhD. I had a lot of debt getting out of my doctoral program. And so now I'm finally there. I taste it. I taste the freedom. And I think the way he accrued his debt was in his 20s. We're both older now. We're both 36. And he accrued it through traveling and backpacking and playing. And so I think, and he has about 44,000 student loans as well. So it wasn't all fun and games. But, you know, I think there's just a fundamental difference in the way we think about finances. And, yes, just the fact that he wasn't transparent is an absolute issue as well.

Okay. So it may be because he maybe, I'll cut him a little slack it's possible with a guy like this he wasn't transparent because it just doesn't matter to him i think that's a lot of the case i don't think he overtly lied um and he did say he had malice or something here so uh have you guys set a date for your marriage we had set a date for February and now, um, you know, we've been going through the picking out options for the building, the house and stuff. And it's been very obvious that he wants very high end materials. I mean, there's an expectation that I'll put down 20% of the down payment out of my money. So for me, I'm just, I put it on hold. So we're put the house

on hold and the marriage on hold. Um, we put the house on hold and the marriage on hold? We put the marriage on hold, and I'm not sure what I want to do about the house right now. Okay. Well, I mean, the house would be easier and more important to put on hold. Not more important, but I mean, that should have been on hold before the marriage was put on hold. Because it's revealing the other stuff, in my opinion. So, yeah. Okay.

So, John, jump in here. Yeah, I want to start there with the house. Don't continue buying a house with somebody that now you're wondering if you're going to spend time with them for the rest of your life. Because going into a joint home purchase is going to complicate that separation down the road significantly. The second thing is, going back to what Dave said, I think you need to sit down and be direct with him about what your values are and about your confusion or frustration with him having about twice the debt that he had and your expectations moving forward as a couple. It doesn't sound like y'all have dreamed about what something's going to look like

because you're building a house and you still aren't fully formed there. So you're kind of trying to play house a little bit, play dating a little bit, think about marriage a little bit, and you've got to get these priorities in order. The thing is this. When I first started teaching this stuff, Casey, and you can share this with him as well, I thought I was just teaching people to get on a budget. And I was forcing couples that were married, from a practical standpoint, it's just much easier tactically to handle money when you have one account

and you have one budget and you're both working together. It's just easier. And what I didn't realize was I was forcing them to dream together. I was forcing them to face their fears together. I was forcing them to do life together. I was forcing them to face their fears together. I was forcing them to do life together. And when you've got different views of handling money, it's not the money that matters. The money doesn't matter. But what it's exposing is, is that you value different things. You know, you have a different dream, a different way of looking at the future, or you look at the future, he doesn't, or vice versa.

And so what's revealing here is that your values are substantially different, and that's reflected in the money. And so you get comfort from, you know, being out of debt and saving money. He doesn't even address the issue. He's the ultimate free spirit, backpacking through Europe and running up debt, you know, being out of debt and saving money. He doesn't even address the issue. He's the ultimate free spirit, backpacking through Europe and running up debt, you know. And there's nothing evil about that.

That's just one story of people's journey, how they get there. But then the point is, if you're going to be married to someone, you've got to be able to give and take between the two of you and say, okay, we as a couple are going to develop a money philosophy, and we're going to develop a philosophy on how we deal with parents, and we're going to develop a philosophy on how we deal with kids, and we're going to develop a philosophy on how we deal with religion. And if you don't do that, you're not going to succeed in your marriage. All the data points in marriage statistics and divorce statistics tell us this. And so in 30 years of sitting at this desk, I've observed it time and time again. So I think this is salvageable.

Absolutely, I do. But I think it's going to require some strong-handed pre-marriage counseling that forces both of you him to get a little bit more responsible and you to lighten up a little bit and it forces both of you to the table and go this is what i value and if you are going to completely poop on it we're not supposed to be together and okay can i tell you somewhere where I heard you speak where I think you could start with your own heart? Is it sounds like a part of you thinks that the debt you accrued was good debt because it was going towards school. Mm-hmm. You're fancy now. You're a doctor. You're rocking the world. And his debt was not good debt. So there's this—

He was the irresponsible backpack that we were up to. So when you're judging him, when you're already coming to the table as though, hey, I've made better choices than you. You've made. I want you to approach him on equal measure. You're both going to the same relationship. You got stuff you're going to bring into it in your backpack. He's going to bring stuff in his. And you've got to start an equal footing and decide where you want to go.

And don't build a house or buy a house until you've been married at least a year. Absolutely. At least a year. Just pause that whole thing. Dump the house deal completely. I can do that. Yeah. And, you know, take the time and do pre-marriage counseling.

By the way, again, there's all kinds of data that says if you do in-depth pre-marriage counseling, you have an 80% more likely chance of having a successful marriage that doesn't end in divorce. Because what happens is a good in-depth coach like that, a counselor, will end your relationship before a marriage. Or they'll bring you together, and your marriage is going to be healthy, and you'll learn communication tools and give and take, and you lighten up and he series us up or whatever the right phrase is he gets you know he gets the more responsible grows up and you come together and that's what can happen it can be a really useful process Thank you. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, somebody's with us.

Tom's with us. Hey, Tom, how are you? Better than I deserve, sir. How are you? Welcome. Where do you live, sir? Streeter cool welcome to nashville and all the way here to do a debt-free screen yes sir how much have you paid off tom uh forty eight thousand five hundred dollars forty twenty three months forty eight five in twenty three months making what

kind of revenue income roughly um range started that time range? Started at $50,000 and currently up to $67,000. Cool. What do you do for a living? I work for a trucking company as a manager of operations. Cool. Okay. So in two years, basically, you paid off $25,000 a year, roughly. Man, you've been on beans and rice.

You've been getting after it. Yes, sir. Well done. Very well done. What kind of debt was the 48-5? The vast majority of it was student loan debt. Okay. Student loan debt, a little bit of credit card debt, and the remainder of a car loan that I had.

Yeah. So how long ago were you in school? I graduated in May of 2012. Okay. So Sally Mae had her own spare bedroom at your place. She just been hanging out for almost a freaking decade. Just about.

Yeah. Just about. What was the wake-up call? What happened 23 months ago? Well, it actually, like anything, kind of starts before then.

I originally graduated college with about $75,000 of student loan debt. And I didn't quite get a degree in left-handed puppetry, but it really pretty much wasn't much better than that. You want to share?

Music merchandising. Music? A minor in music technology and a minor in marketing. Okay. Wow. Okay. So, and I immediately got out of school selling cars. Okay.

So, it wasn't quite what I wanted to do. Well, they had music in them. They were radio. Something like that. Right. But just automatically as I was graduating, I knew that this debt that I had for my student loan debt just was not – I just was never comfortable with it. As I'm even signing the paperwork, I'm like, there's something in my gut that's telling me I shouldn't be doing this. So when I finally graduated college, I saw this massive $75,000 and said, nope, this is getting out of my life.

I don't want this anymore. This is going to ruin it. I need it to stop. So I got to work, got to work and started, you know, paying things off, paying things off. And I was about as sharp as a sword starting to go through it. And I became about as dull as a butter knife by the end. I had gotten to about, about the 48 five mark and just quit. Just about, I was, I was pretty close to it. Gotten to about the 48.5 mark and just about.

I was pretty close to it. And, yeah, then here I am. Got Gazelle and Tenson. Here I am. How did you decide to do this? I mean, 23 months ago, something clicked. It did. And changed.

What happened? I actually discovered you. Oh, okay. So I was on my way home from Duluth, Minnesota, and stopped at a gas station. And as I'm walking to the bathroom, I see this face on my left, and I turned, kind of jumped a little bit, and it was a picture of you, actually. It was the audio book of the Dave Ramsey show, of the Total Money Makeover. Excuse me.

What am I doing in a gas station? I thought you were going to say gas station bathroom. Oh! No, not quite. Okay, all right. So I looked at the price. It wasn't that expensive. I was like, oh, you know what?

I've been feeling this down. You know, why not? Let me give it a shot. The rest of the six-hour drive home, listened to the Tone of Money makeover audio book, and it was amazing because everything you were talking about was stuff I had already believed in. I just didn't really know how to vocalize.

And the other part I related to it was so well, I was like, wow, this guy sounds exactly like my dad, but with a southern accent. All right, I guess I can work with this. So I listened to it, prayed about it, went down the YouTube rabbit hole of death-free screams and prayed about it and decided to go for it. That was May of 2018. Use the book and the YouTube stuff to get you going. Yes, sir.

Very cool. Very cool. Wow. Proud of you, man. Yes, sir. And obviously your dad and mom are proud of you. They came down to cheer you on to do, sir. Very cool. Very cool. Wow. Proud of you, man. Yes, sir. And obviously your dad and mom are proud of you. They came down to cheer you on to do your dad preach cream. They did.

Very nice. They were my biggest critics turned into my biggest supporters. Because I actually got the Dave Ramsey Show podcast put on my dad's smartphone. And he actually enjoyed it. And my mom and dad enjoyed it so much that they were actually here for their entree leadership uh events back in november yeah yeah i met your dad at the time yeah wow very cool very cool so they were critical of you starting this process originally um and you converted them sort of yeah all right except i thought you said i sounded like your dad but with a southern accent you sounded like, but just did wrong order is how he had changed me.

Oh, he didn't like my order. Okay. I had to straighten him out on that. Okay. All right. Good. So it was pretty much hammering me about investing for retirement, but I'm just like, no, I need to pay off this debt.

Okay. All right. Very cool. Well done. Thank you. And now they're cheering you on and here to cheer on your debt-free scream. Yes, sir. How does it feel now that you did this?

I can't even believe it. I mean, I can, but it's, it honestly feels like the weight of the world's been taken off my shoulders. I mean, I just remember just being, just, just being down at work and just feeling like I've got a ball and chain right around my neck. Just, it's, it's dragging me through and just wearing me down. And I almost feel as light of a feather. I mean, it's, it literally is an emotional pick-me-up. I love it. Changes everything. Changes everything. So with Dr. John sitting here with a Ph.D. in higher education, I'm curious,

how did you select and what advice would you have for someone looking at a nuanced degree? Because that's a very, very specific, nuanced degree, music merchandising, which 12 years ago included CDs. Correct. And they actually sold CDs in stores at that time. And so merchandising music today would be all digital, obviously, or virtually. I mean, almost all digital. And virtually is not a good word to use now. But anyway, how did you select that degree?

What was going on in your head? And what advice would you have for someone that had an interest in something like that? Because you obviously, if you had it to do over, wouldn't do it. Yeah, exactly that way. Number one is slow down. Slow down. I was a hothead when I was younger, admittedly um and i just kind of rushed into things not really thinking of all of the consequences i did i did what my heart told me to do and not what my brain told me i probably should be doing

um and really what you need to do is kind of do a common kind of a combination of both there has to be some common sense along with, um, along with doing what your heart tells you. Um, so number one is slow down. Number two is surround yourself with people who have, have gone through it on who be can give you advice to do it debt free. Yeah. Cause I mean,

I was brought up in the generation of, uh, this is just what you do. You take out student loans and here you go. Um, but just, yeah. And don't go to a private school.

Don't go to a private school. Okay. All right. Cool. Well, that's good information then. So well done. Thank you, sir. Well done.

Now, you've been through Total Money Makeover. You've been down the YouTube wormhole. What advice do you have for someone who's listening? This is their first time to see a debt-free scream or to hear a story like this. What should they do if they want to get out of debt? You can do it. I am bright, but I will, admittedly, I am not the smartest person in the world. You can do this.

What turned me on was when Dave had his moment where he turned the camera and he said, you, you in the audience, yes, you, you can do audience. Yes, you. You can do this. Believe in yourself. You can do this. It's going to take work. It's going to be hard. At the end of the day, it is so, so worth it. Yeah.

I mean, you did. You were on beans and rice for 23 months. I mean, you didn't have a life for 23 months. And but you're free now. I am free now. You do anything you want to do. That's the idea. Congratulations. Very, very well done. All right, now. I am free now. You can do anything you want to do. That's the idea. Congratulations.

Very, very well done. All right, Tom. Well done, sir. $48,500 paid off in 23 months, making $50,000 to $67,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I am debt-free! Yeah!

Woo-hoo! Well done, sir. Well done. Wow. So I never thought, I mean, we've talked so much about student loan crisis. We've talked so much about higher ed stuff over the years. But I never thought about the – we make fun of left-handed puppetry or, you know, BB stacking underwater or whatever. All these things you come up with, right? These crazy degrees that nobody has a use for.

But I never really thought about the idea that a general degree, like just a marketing degree versus a marketing degree for a certain thing had so much more application. It's just a broader brush, right? And if most colleges, you can take a couple of cognate courses, they call them, but you get those specifics that you love, and you can still go out and do a wide range of whatever that is in the field, right? Without the degree being so nuanced itself. Right. Yeah. Very interesting. This is the Dave Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today here on the air.

We have launched his podcast, which is a call-in format like this show is, so you can call and talk to him. It was number one as we launched it came out number one in the health and fitness or section is that what it's called yeah it did very very well you can email john and be a part of that podcast at ask john at ramsey solutions.com or you can call and leave a voicemail they'll make you a part of the show meaning they'll call you back and set you up as a caller like you'd be a caller on this show is how it would work. And here's the number to do that, 844-693-3291.

844-693-3291. Or email askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com. Ray is in Miami. Hi, Ray. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, what's going on, Dave? Nice to meet you, brother. You too, man.

How can we help? I'm in dire straits. I'm a registered nurse. My wife and I just recently had a set of five-month-old twins. I have a five-year-old. And she just recently lost her job because of obviously this COVID situation. And the only thing she's ever asked me in her life is to have a house. We are highly in debt and I'm never going to be able to give that to her the way things are going. But I have about $8,000 right now in credit card debt and interest rates are all above, you know, 20%. Why? Because I did bankruptcy about 10 years ago.

And I'm trying to get back on track. And somehow I'm getting back into this debt because of, you know, COVID and the twins and all that. So my question to you is, with these credit card debt that I do have accumulated, should you think that I just close out these credit cards, don't even think about them, pretend that they're not there, meaning I don't use them, but I still pay them back. Because I feel like as these accounts are open, I'm scared I'm going to keep using them, because we are headed down a really vicious path right now with this. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 37, sir. How old are the twins?

They're five months. 2020 has been a big year. 2020 has been a very, very big year. My five-year-old that just started school, he has developmentally delayed problems also. So he has to be home with all three of these kids. We were living on two incomes, but now it's just me. And as a registered nurse, I don't know if you know the salary, but it's not great. Not enough.

Okay. Well, I can hear the fear in your voice. And all that means is that you're a good dad, and you want to do the right thing for your family, and you don't know exactly how to do it, and it scares you, and that means you're a good man. Thank you, sir. We're going to help you. I want you to go through you and your wife.

I want you to go through our class. I'm going to give you a one-year membership to Ramsey Plus, which gives you access to everything, Financial Peace University. It puts you into the every dollar budget, and you and your wife, both of you, are to go through this. If I give it to you free, you both have to do it, okay? No, absolutely. We're both on board with this.

We're both. Okay. Now, then the second thing is, one of the things you're going to get out of that is that we quit using credit cards completely. And you cannot close an account technically while you still have debt on it. They're not going to close it out until you pay it off. But you can definitely get out the credit cards and have a symbolic closure tonight with your wife after the kids go to bed, get the scissors out, light a candle, and have plastic surgery. A nurse knows how to do that right at the table, right?

Yeah. Shop those puppies up. And, yeah, you quit using them. You never use them. They cannot be a crutch. And here's the good news. You are the answer to your problem. The bad news is you are the problem.

Yes, sir. That's true at my house, and that's true at John's house. So COVID didn't cause it. The twins didn't cause it. You guys were irresponsible, disorganized, out-of-control freaks before both of those things happened, right? Yes, sir. 100% agree. All right. So we get the mirror out, go okay you are the solution and you were the problem that's what i did at my house when i went broke dude and i was 28

and i had a brand new baby named rachel and i was scared like i hear in your voice so i'm not picking on you i'm just loving you all right no no i i need a wake-up call man so you know you already had the wake-up call for you call me i'm just confirming but the deal is i don't want you i don't want to use language where you blame covet or you blame the the coming of the twins or something you guys were a mess before this just exposed it and warren buffett says you can tell who's skinny dipping when the tide goes out. And so that's what happened here, okay? You just exposed the, you know, when you stress test stupid, it comes up stupid. And that's what's happened.

Your stupid that you were doing got stress tested. That's what happened to me too, dude. That's exactly what happened to me. Only I was dumber than you. I did it with a lot of zeros on the end. I went completely belly up. You're going to make it. Oh, no.

I have a lot of zeros. Well, I'm talking like seven figures of them. But anyway, so you're going to do great, and you're going to be able to turn this completely around, and there's something that happens when someone reaches that point that they're ready, isn't it? I've been there, too. I've been there, too.

My little boy, your daughter was Rachel, my little boy was Hankank and i remember that frozen moment thinking what have i done i i only had six zeros but it was a lot and it felt like the whole house was sitting on my back yeah and i've got one job on planet earth which is to love my wife and one job on planet which is to love that kid and i had shackled us to so many different concrete blocks and thrown them into the lake man was just struggling to tread water right yeah and the other good news ray is is that uh your registered nurse that's not a curse that's a blessing you will always have work and if you want extra work you can always find extra work um and if you're not being paid well you need to probably look for a new employer

because you can get paid well as a registered nurse. You can make some money. And you can work more than you're working and beat your way through this since you're down to one income. And so you're going to make it. You're going to turn this around. You're going to be doing a debt-free scream someday here on this show. You're going to turn the whole process upside down. I'm proud of you. You're going to make it. Hold on. Kelly's going to pick up and get you all signed up for this whole thing. Larry is on the line. Larry is in Omaha. Hi, Larry.

Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm a little short on time. Go straight to your question. Sure, Dave. Thank you and John for taking my call. We personally are set. I'm 73. My wife is 70. I've been following your principles before I even knew you. So we are financially set. My question is about my son. He is going to lose his house. He is totally financially incompetent. We have tried to talk to him by example, by words.

He and his wife are of this set that we have to have separate finances. She will not get on board with him refinancing the house. She doesn't want her name on anything he does. So they're going to foreclose the house. My question is, I can buy the house outright. They've only got $55,000 left on the house. I can buy it, or I can get a loan and take over the loan that way. But they just don't, and they rent from me.

He doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to rent. I'm saying, well, you can live under the bridge then, if that's the case. What is your suggestion here? Should I just let them live under the bridge, or should I? And right now, as an added, they have got a mortgage specialist paying $100 a month for his stupid advice that I've already given them and that they could do by themselves.

So what is your suggestion? If his wife is unwilling to join in finances and sign to keep her own home under her, then she is losing the house, not you. Yes. He is unwilling to rent the house back. He is losing the house, not you. Mm-hmm. You didn't do anything.

That's what I said. I said, I'll buy the house, but she does not live here. She is out, is what I said. She does not rent from me. She is out. If she's not willing to put her name on your loan, she is out of the house, is what I said. And they're close to that anyway, so it's no big loss. Well, Larry, I'd be careful about getting in between your

son and his wife. Well, true. I agree. And that may cost you down the road if they end up reconciling and you've put a thorn in something and sometimes you say some things relationally that you can't ever get back. Yeah, I agree with that. I just would wash my hands of it

and just stand back and say, I love you guys. If you need some help with food or something, I'll help you later. But I can't help you with the house because all the stuff you're doing is not anything that I can do. And I'm sorry. Yeah. I would let natural consequences take. There's too much going on here that you can't fix. And they're unwilling to address.

And so those are two reasons you've got to let this go. It's very painful to watch people you love be stupid, though. Happens to all of us. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Dave here. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. You'll be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card. No purchase necessary. Take the survey at DaveRamsey.com slash survey or text survey to 33789.