The Ramsey Show - App - Is It Okay To Spend $25,000 on a Vehicle? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host here on the air today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. As we talk about your life, because Dr. John's here, we talk about your money, because I'm here, and I'll interrupt him anyway. Because I own the show.

That's how it works. That's how our little interaction works. That's how most of my life works. At home, my wife owns that. I was going to say, I'm always interrupting you. What is that? You own this part, so it's good. Okay, well, everybody's got to have a gift.

That's right. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Let's start with Cameron in Los Angeles. Hi, Cameron. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thanks for having me on. I really appreciate it.

You too. How can we help? Well, I'm new to your plan. I just found it maybe a month ago. And, you know, I'm in a serious amount of debt right now. I have a total of $745,000 worth of debt. And, you know, I'm really, really anxious to get out of it, you know, make some mistakes. And I didn't even realize, you know, I was making them. But after hearing your show, you know, I really think that, you know, I want to get my life, you know, straightened out.

And, you know, I want to aim for financial freedom. Okay. What kind of debt do you have? So I have it all broken down. Well, I have a home, and it's $525,000. I feel better already. Yeah, for real. I just exhaled. I was afraid you had $745,000 of student loan debt or something.

I didn't know what to tell you. Okay. But yeah, $525,000 on the home. What's that home worth by the way? So right now it's about seven. It works about 700. Okay, cool. All right. And what's the other 220,000? I have a one 15 student loan. I have, uh, you're going to get upset, but I have 20 in timeshare and 30 personal loan, 10 in car, and 10 in credit card. Okay. All right. And who's the personal loan to, a bank? Yeah.

Okay. All right. And are you a doctor or a lawyer? Neither, a nurse practitioner. Oh, no, that's good. Okay, all right. I thought with that student loan bill, there may be something involved here. So what are you making?

So right now, I make $135,000. Good news. And you're what, 28? And I expect $30,000. $30,000. Okay, close enough. And I expect my time is going to go up to about 150 to 180 in the next year. Excellent. Excellent.

Okay, good. Well, you're not afraid of work. That's good news. Are you married? No. Okay. Cool. So, what is it you want to accomplish here?

I just, you know, I made a lot, I made a lot of mistakes, and I kind of just want, you know, the best way to get on track, you know. I'm the first in my family to, you know, to ever graduate college and even have, you know, some level of success with money. And, you know, I want to make sure I change, you know, my family's tree. Well, congratulations. I already started on a bad note, and I want to just fix it. That's a wonderful start. Good for you. It's awesome, man.

Well, the bad news is there's a mess. The good news is that the hole that you're in compared to the shovel that you have, 130 to 180 income, this is very doable. Okay? So it just depends on how quickly you want to do this and how deeply you want to sacrifice. Obviously, the more deeply

you sacrifice, the quicker you'll get out. Does that make sense? Yes. Because we'll use more of your income to clean up the mess the more deeply you sacrifice and or you sell that house and you've gotten rid of most of it. So not suggesting you do that but I'm just saying those are sacrifices. No life, no house, but the debt's all gone and you start fresh and you could do that pretty quick. I don't think I would in your case. I think I would if I were in your shoes.

I'd hold on to the house, and let's plow through $220,000 worth of debt, making $150,000 to $200,000. Let's just play with some numbers. If you put $50,000 on it or $75,000 on it, it takes you three years, which is $2,000 a month. No, it's not. I wish it was $2,000 a month. No, it's not. I wish it was $2,000 a month. It's not even close.

Yeah, it's way more than that. It's $6,000 a month. Thank you. But anyway, yeah, if you do that, that's $75,000 a year, you'll be debt-free in three years. Translation, you have absolutely no life. You're working so many overtime shifts, your eyes are crossing. You are living on beans and rice, rice and beans. You are not going on vacation,

and you're not going to see the inside of a restaurant unless you're working there as your extra job, which you shouldn't do as a nurse practitioner. You ought to be nursing as your second job. Okay. I can do that. I can do that. I kind of think you can. I know you can. i think you're the guy because did you follow the math with me 75 times three is two and a quarter

yeah but 75 000 bucks 6 000 bucks a month out of your income means you're working extra and you are living on nothing and you're going to list these debts smallest to largest and you're working extra and you are living on nothing. And you're going to list these debts smallest to largest, and you're going to attack them with a vengeance. And your community, who has seen you as the guy that got out, the first guy to go to college, the first guy to get the big fancy job, the guy that works in the hospital, is not going to understand why you're driving a crummy car and working on the weekends they're not going to understand why you're not picking up the tab and that's why they're broke and this is the this is the gut-wrenching moment when you change the

family tree with the hard hard stuff now honestly cameron the the people that have done this stuff that we've worked with over 30 years the ones ones that are the most successful, care the least about what other people think. Caring what other people think will kill you on this. So if broke people are making fun of your financial plan, you're always on track. Okay, I really appreciate it. Really quick, you don't think I should get rid of the house? Not unless you have to.

If you can lean into it for three years. If you want to move anyway, okay, that's fine. But if you want to hold on to a piece of California real estate, which is not a bad idea, and you want to lean into this and bust it, then I think you can keep the house and still be done in three years or sooner. If I thought it was going to take you 10 years, I'd sell the house. Okay. But the math says it's not if Cameron says he can do it, and it's all up to Cameron now.

But we'll help you. We have a thing called Ramsey Plus, and we're going to give you a one-year subscription to that, and that puts you into the Financial Peace University class. It puts you into the every dollar premium version of the budgeting app. It puts you into the Baby Steps tracker. It connects you up with all the tools like the Death Snowball tool. It connects you with everything you need to be able to move to the next level and to cause all this to happen, including community and coaches and everything else.

I'm going to give it to you because I just want to start this hour that way. And you are on. I think he's going. He's going, man. He's going to do it. I know he is, man. Call me back. Do that free scream, man.

I'm smiling, brother. I love it. Three years from now, I'll be sitting here waiting on you. Hold on. Kelly will pick up. We'll get you signed up. Over the years, I've heard countless horror stories from listeners about being harassed by debt collectors, receiving calls at work on their cell phones, and some even getting yelled at and threatened. That is not okay.

There are laws against this. And there are people, attorneys, that can help make this stop if they are in fact breaking the law. Go to CollectionBully.com to learn more. Fill out a quick questionnaire that will identify if you are a victim of this type of illegal harassment. That's CollectionBully.com. So have you ever seen the movie Trapped in New York? It's not a real movie, but it's really happening, and we should be filming it right now. Anthony O'Neill's been up there six days in quarantine in order to get to do the Ryan and Kelly show.

I've been hassling him every day, man. And he is stuck in a hotel room, so we wanted to call and harass him a little bit, because he's got to be going stir-crazy. Anthony, how are you? Are you making it? Dave, John, man, I'm barely making it. I'm not going to lie. I'm ready to get home. Are you ordering room services to see people? I really am. And I'm looking out the window, looking at cars driving by, and I'm waving up a cop.

But it's good. And this is New York City. They don't wave back. Yeah, exactly. They really don't. They really don't. They're looking up and laughing at me, to be honest. They just sent out a bulletin saying, strange person waving to others up there. This is so on New York.

Man. Oh, man. So, seriously, Dr. Johns here, is your mental health okay, having been trapped in a room by yourself for six days? Anthony, I'll go ahead and tell him. So, he's been texting me while he's gone, Dave. He's not doing good. He is unraveling right in front of us. No, man. I'm

alright. I'm making it. I'm making it. But it is boring, and I miss the family, though. But hey, we're here to help people, so I'm good. I'll sacrifice for the people. If it wasn't for our people days, I would not have done it. I told my wife that my friend Anthony was going to have to spend six days by himself in a

hotel, and she just paused and said, I can think of no greater heaven than six days without me and the kids in a hotel in New York. But thanks for taking one for the team, Anthony. Yeah, you did something none of the rest of us were willing to do. So Alex gave a great introduction during staff meeting this morning on the new podcast coming out. And we need to let everybody know that Anthony O'Neill has a brand new podcast as of today, right? Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

It drops on Apple, Spotify, Pandora, and it's still on YouTube as well. But it's the new podcast right here on the Ramsey Network, The Table with Anthony O'Neill. It feels so weird to say Anthony O'Neill when I'm Anthony O'Neill. But, yeah, it the table with anthony o'neill feels so weird to say anthony o'neill and i'm anthony o'neill but yeah it's the table with anthony o'neill it's going to be a great great podcast day so what is the i know but i'll give you the underhand pitch why is it named the table well it's named the table because actually you know our tribe called it the table but i really wanted to make a place and a space where people can feel comfortable to come and have a real relevant and relatable conversation. And when it comes to dealing with our finances, when it comes to building healthy

relationships, when it just comes to life in general, you know, when you think of the table, or you think about coming somewhere and you're having something to eat and you're just having a good time and you just get comfortable at the table and you just talk and you listen and you're having something to eat and you're just having a good time and you just get comfortable at the table and you just talk and you listen and you laugh and sometimes you may cry and sometimes you may argue. And so I wanted people to know like, hey, here at the table, we're going to have some rough conversations, but we're going to also have some life transformation conversations, especially around finances, relationships, and just building true success. Yeah. How to to become how to have a quality well-rounded successful life and really i think this kind of was i guess it was expanded uh

maybe it was born a little bit all on the subject of racism and uh i mean we you use that platform to have some uh difficult conversations during a time that everybody need a place to talk right yeah we did we did we did um it was last february um when we launched the black history panel and it was just so great because it it pretty much birthed out of that and so we just kept the table uh going from there and dave you know we're bringing that actually back uh next week uh the uh black history panel Panel is a special edition of The Table. And I'm really excited about that. That will be on the podcast shopping Monday through Friday next week on podcast and on my YouTube channel.

So we're going back to where it birthed, where it started. But, man, the conversation from there, though, is just so much more than just racism. It's really just about how do we build a true successful life? But here's what I learned, Dave. A lot of young people want to be successful, but they don't know where to start and how to make their dreams become a reality. So I literally created a space to where I can walk them through that entire process. John's been on the show. Dave hasn't been on the show yet, but he'll be on next month. So I'm, well, not next month. He hasn't been on the show yet uh but he'll be on next month so i'm well not next month he hasn't been on my show either anthony don't take it personally you know well it's you know there there is this thing you have to be invited oh here we go so here we go you two you two stop

your bonding i'm just saying listen man this ceo of ramsay network says he has to be invited he can just i don't i don't barge into your space man i don't i don't walk into your room with my buddy boots on besides that i mean what are you gonna call it the boomer edition i mean come on i love it remember no dave you're on i've already gone with uh your assistant and you're already scheduled for a day so i'm looking forward to it because i want to introduce uh you know our tribe over here in the ao circle, just the cool, honest, transparent, fun, cool, relatable Dave. So I'm looking forward to that. Hey, I'd like to meet that guy, too. So I'll be listening to that episode, Anthony.

That'll be good. If we run into him, we'll send him right over. I will send him over. That's right. Yeah, this is going to be great. It's going to be great because the types of people you've had on the YouTube version of this, you know, Ian Cron talking about the Enneagram. The Annie F. Downs has been on. Matthew McConaughey has been on.

I mean, lots of quality folks have been on just to lead anyone that's willing to watch or listen to the table on podcast or YouTube to give them a better roadmap for their life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Dave. And it's so funny, today when we launched the podcast, Matthew McConaughey is on there, and he's talking about three key things that has helped him build his wealth and has helped him build his success in the acting career. And the man is, he's just getting straight down and being very real. So I want to encourage everyone to get the podcast and listen to the podcast.

And I got to say this, when you come to the AO, the table with Anthony O'Neill, you're going to learn how to build wealth and develop strong relationships and find out how to have the hard conversations and get advice you need to be successful around your finances and mental health.

So I want to encourage you. It's going to be a fun conversation, but I promise you, you will walk away with something that you can apply today that will change your future. You all know me. The caliber of our future is determined by the choices you make today. And you're going to make the right choice by subscribing to the podcast because together we're going to grow and go further along in our journey. Anthony O'Neill, it's called The Table.

Check it out on all podcast locations as well as YouTube. And, John, anthony comes back you've got to debrief him and make sure he's okay he's a mental health standpoint after having been trapped in a room by himself for six days listen there is a limit to what i'm able to do there are practicing professionals that he's gonna have to to sit with. It's going to be a minute. Hey, Anthony, I subscribed this morning. Personally, obviously, you're one of my close friends here, but I can't wait to

dig in and to listen to this myself. I'm grateful for you, man. It's going to be super successful. You're going to help a lot of people. Yeah, you will. I'm so proud of you, sir. Very well done. Looking forward to big things. Yes, sir. I appreciate you and John. All right. Anthony O'Neill, ladies and gentlemen. You can check him out at anthonyone things. Yes, sir. I appreciate you and John. All right. Anthony O'Neill, ladies and gentlemen.

You can check him out at anthonyoneill.com, of course. One of our Ramsey personalities has had multiple bestsellers, had a number one with a debt-free degree, and, of course, Destroy Your Student Loan Debt is a follow-up that we did from that. He's done all of that stuff. He's been preaching about student loans for years and years, helping people with that. And so this is going to be amazing. This guy has really caught his stride.

He's in his own. You know, in this world, we get to meet a lot of, quote, unquote, influencers and people who are so excited to see their name in shiny lights. And that drives me bananas, to be honest with you and it makes your heart swell when you meet somebody like anthony that behind closed doors is so passionate not about having his name look shiny but about helping young people helping new adults helping folks who are making that transition from 20 to 30 30 to 40 not have to walk in that walk that he did. If you cannot sleep in your car, man, if you cannot have train wreck relationships,

he's so passionate about it. And so the influencer part is just simply a vehicle for him to help other people, and he loves it, man. And that's just me talking about my friend. And so I love how this thing has taken off, and I love how successful he's being, how authentic he's being. It's awesome just to get to sit by it and watch him. Yep, absolutely. I love how this thing has taken off, and I love how successful he's been, how authentic he's been.

It's awesome just to get to sit by it and watch him. Yep, absolutely. He's doing really, really good work. I agree. Anthony O'Neill, be sure and check out The Table. Spotify, iTunes, Google, anywhere where you're picking up podcasts, you can get them there. And, of course, the YouTube version has been there for a while and will continue to add, and it will be the same exact content only you can watch it for those of you that are youtubers and um he's

quite a following there oh man and vastly massive vastly popular so this is the dave ramsey show do you feel like you'll never save enough money or pay off all your debt after a year like 2020? Most of America feels that way. But money shouldn't be one more thing that you have to worry about. That's why in 2021, we're hitting reset. Because no matter what's happening in the world, you can take control of your money. You just need the right plan. Ramsey Plus is our step-by-step plan that gets you quick wins so you can make faster progress on your debt. And once that debt is gone for good, you get more money back in your bank account. So you can spend and you can save how you want and

worry less about the future. So here's our challenge to you. First, decide on a total money reset this year, then start Ramsey Plus. Commit to working hard for 90 days and watch as your daily wins turn into lifelong habits. Make today day one. Try Ramsey Plus for free. Go to DaveRamsey.com slash reset. Reset. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Adrian is with us in Long Beach. Hi, Adrian. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show.

Hey, Dave. How are you doing? Thanks for taking my call. Better than I deserve. How can we help? So my wife and I started the financial piece this month. Yay! We're currently on baby step one, which we have about $500. Atta boy. But we want some advice on what we should do with our vehicles. Currently, I make around $35,000 a year. My wife makes $52,000.

We have $110,000 a year. My wife makes $52,000. We have $110,000 in debt. And the vehicles we currently own, my wife's vehicle, is $24,000. My vehicle is a lease, which has $22,000 left, and I'm already over mileage. And I just don't know what to do here. I kind of want to get rid of them. I just don't know what to do here. I kind of want to get rid of them. I just don't know what to do. Okay. All right.

Well, the rule of thumb that we use on cars is two things. If you like them and want to keep them, the only way you would want to keep them mathematically is if they total up to less than half your annual income, which these two barely do, but they're right around it. And you can be debt-free, not counting your house, without selling them in two years or less. And that's questionable here.

So both of those things point to selling one or both of these cars. And it sounds like the one you're fleecing is the biggest mess of the two. So if we're going to start, we'd start with that one probably. Right. Yeah. That kind of sounds like a conclusion you'd already come to. Yeah, and I was thinking about it. It's just I don't know. I'm just a little confused because I don't know how to sell it.

If I wanted to sell it, should I just buy it outright? No. Well, you have to buy it outright and sell it simultaneously. Here's how you do it, okay? There's a couple of numbers you've got to gather up to figure out what to do number one who who's the car fleeced from who's the fleece with uh toyota who toyota toyota toyota i'm sorry i'm deaf as opposed okay toyota all right and so you're going to call toyota motor credit and say uh here's my account number what is the early buyout on the fleece if i want to pay it off today and you send me the title okay so on that's like having the payoff on your loan if you had a loan

but that's not what it's called on a fleece okay now it should be at the end of your lease there is a figure that you can buy the car for after the lease is over and you have your remaining payments if you add your remaining payments to that figure at the end of the lease that's your total exposure on this car and the early buyout should be less than that by a look by a couple thousand bucks anyway a few thousand dollars so how much is left on the fleece how much before it's over uh it's 22 000 no how many months uh i have one more year left february of next year okay so you have so 22 000 includes the that you've gotten the early buyout it sounds like

well i looked up on my you know on my account it says 22 000 left on the loan okay no that's not the number i'm looking for all right you got to call them and you got to get the early buyout okay because that number that number is the number I'm looking for. You've got to call them, and you've got to get the early buyout, okay? Because that number is the number I'm talking about. It's the total of all your payments remaining plus your buyout at the end. How much is your payment? Okay. It's about $400.

Yeah, okay. And so you've got like $5,000 of those, plus you've got a $17,000 buyout at the end, it sounds like. Mm-hmm. Does that sound about right okay right okay and so anyway let's pretend that when you call them it's 20 000 for the early buyout that's probably not going to be that far off somewhere in that range okay uh then you look up on kelly blue book and find out what the car is worth private sale have you done that yet yes and it's about 21 000 good okay so you can sell it and pay them off and get out basically about even right right that's awesome

and then we've just got to get you a thousand or a fifteen hundred dollar car that you pay cash for and we're going to drive that hoopty for a little while while you get yourself out of debt. Now, we're going to do the same thing with her car if we can't get you moving and get you out of debt. Okay. Either one of you got overtime available? Yes. What do you do to make $35,000?

I'm an estimator at a construction company. Okay, so what are you going to do for extra income? I was thinking of starting maybe a side business doing some power washing. Love it. You know, I have all the equipment here at the office, and they tell me I can use it freely. That's what I'm talking about. There you go. You're the man right there, man.

You can double your dadgum income. That's right. Yeah, and you're going to, yeah, that's a ton. That's awesome. Yeah. There you go. You're the man right there, man. You can double your dadgum income. That's right. Yeah, and you're going to, yeah, that's a ton. That's awesome. Yeah. There you go. And now we're going to put you on a budget, and you guys aren't going out to eat, and you're not going on vacation. We're going to list these debts smallest to largest.

We're going to attack these debts like a vengeance. And so now we've got like $80,000, I'm sorry, $90,000 of debt left after we get rid of your car. And if we do 45 a year for two years out of 87, you're debt-free in two years. Right. Awesome. And I think that's doable, but it's going to require extreme focus and concentration, and no one takes your eye off the ball. I can do that.

Lots of Saturdays and Sundays starting early, power washing, power washing until a good start, getting up and doing it again, right? Sounds good. The next two years are power washing, and then after that you're going to hate power washing for the rest of your life. You will be part of the California water crisis, my friend. Single-handedly cause the crisis. Single-handedly.

That's right, but they will be shiny and clean, right? Everybody's going to be clean. There's not going to be any mold or mildew. Nope. I love it. Well done. Yeah, hang on, man. I'm going to also put you into Ramsey Plus because you need to be in there going through Financial Peace University.

He said he was already in it. No. He just started the – I think got word of it. Okay. If he's not already in it, put him in it as my guest. We're going to take care of him. Eric is with us in Cincinnati just giving everybody stuff. Hey, Eric, what's up, man?

Hey, thanks for taking my call today. Sure. How can we help? Well, I need your permission on buying a vehicle. No, you don't. I want to buy my Dave car. No, you don't. I'll give you an opinion, but you don't need my permission.

You're a grown person. Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, so I'll give need my permission. You're a grown person. Yeah, I hear you. So I'll give you my stats. I'm on four, five, and six, and I think I'm in the right place to purchase this vehicle. I don't want to buy a new one. I want to buy a Toyota Tacoma, and I don't want to buy a new, but I want to buy it like two or three years old. And so that's what I'm thinking about doing. I've got the cash to do it um what's it

cost my i'm looking to spend about 25 to are you married a little over yes what's her car cost um well she is a business car through her work so she doesn't have a car in her name. The business gives her a car. Correct. Okay. Yes. All right. And what's your household income? About $115,000.

Okay. And you have your emergency fund in place and you're out of debt, except your house. Correct. Yes. I'd buy it. Okay. It's a good truck.

All right. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't, like, overstepping. Do you know how I did that? I think how you did it was that I have less than half my household income in things that depreciate value. There you go. Right? Yep.

You're paying cash. Okay. Yeah. And you have your emergency fund in place, so it's not an emergency to buy a taco, but tacos are great trucks. My wife, she likes to have an emergency to the emergency fund. I like her. Yeah, and so she's very much like yours, and so I'm just trying to figure out, we would be dipping into the emergency of the emergency fund. Hey, Eric, you're a smart guy, and you clearly have worked together with your wife to get an emergency fund, get out of debt, do all this stuff the right way.

Trust your instincts and trust the math, man. You guys are doing good stuff. Very well done. Very well done. Tacos are good trucks. We've got a couple of them in the Ramsey family. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.

Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best possible deal. All right, today's question comes from Joshua in Indiana. Joshua asks, how can I start to rebuild my relationship with my son after being absent for a long time? After years of fighting with his mom, she got custody and was able to move 16 hours away. I'm trying to learn to slowly rebuild the trust with him and start moving forward. What is the best way to start? Man, there's a lot here. I'd want to know how old this kid is. And for some reason, she was allowed to move 16 hours away. So I want to know what trust you're rebuilding from. But at the end of the day, Dave, I think it starts with contact and intentionality and being accountable to yourself. What does that mean?

That means I'm going to call at the same time every week. That means I'm going to FaceTime at the same time every week. And no matter what, I'm not going to miss that. I'm going to save my money and come to a basketball game if I can. I'm going to write handwritten letters so he's got a legacy of me reaching out. And when I say I'm going to do something i'm going to do it and i'm going to be real intentional about being in that young boy's life but this is the key here man is you're playing a long game now joshua um you're not going to fix this in six months i can fix this in two

years this is one of those things that you want your son to know that you were relentless in pursuing him when he turned 25 and when he turns 27 and um that's hard and we don't know what all happened here obviously um my tendency and i think i'm gonna guess and call it a human tendency would be to want to tell my part of the story, and that's probably not useful. It's almost never, ever useful. Because most of us want... I want to defend myself. There you go.

And I want him to take my side, kind of. I think that's kind of a human thing, and most of the time in these situations, that's counterproductive, isn't it? Right. Unless one day Joshua is old enough to process it, and that's not 21 or 25. And that's not him asking in the first conversation, what happened? And you go, well, you just don't know about your mother. Absolutely not.

And you do whatever you can to stay neutral or be positive about mom. But when parents start running each other down to try to look better in the eyes of their children, they're seeking approval from children, right? And a child can't carry that weight. They can't carry the complexity of my dad's a good guy and does things I don't approve of or I don't like at the same time. It takes most of us until we're adults, until we're parents, before we realize just how hard it is to be a grown-up, to be an adult, right? And there's things I love, love, love, love about my old man, and there's things I'm doing differently with my kid.

And that all is in the same package, all the same guy, and I love it all. That's also part of the human condition. I didn't understand that at 22. I don't think there's ever been a human that goes, I want to do it exactly like they do. If you do, whoa. That's strange. You should see somebody too, right? Exactly.

But yeah, Dave, telling your side of the story doesn't help. Almost never, unless there's just some abuse. Mom is very sick. And in these situations, it's rare that someone is sick or abusive and gets to move 16 hours away yeah right yeah that would be unusual and joshua if it's appropriate here start the conversation with i'm sorry or your daddy messed up and um he's working as hard as he can to show you that he loves you and teaching humility teaching vulnerability is a big thing for dads. Yeah. The, yeah, there's, how do you rebuild trust in any situation where your spouse doesn't trust you with money? I get that one a lot.

Yep. Because I messed up, I overspent, and I had credit cards, and now 10 years later I'm still not allowed to touch the money because she won't trust me or he won't trust me. Well, how do you rebuild trust? You first have to be worthy of trust. That's called trustworthy. And that's what you were talking about early in this discussion here, which is the steadiness, the consistency, the predictability. If you want to step out on the ice, do you trust the ice? What you're asking is, is it predictable? Right.

Can I count on it? Right. Is it going to crack and I'm going to fall through? Or is it solid enough ice that I can step out on it and not end up in the river? And so, you know, trust is about predictability, consistency. It's a type of integrity the word integrity is where we get our word integer or it comes from the same word we get the word integer from which is any whole number no fractions i like that and so for you for your math nerds but yeah integrity is wholeness and it's like so you can't be uh one person on sunday and two people on

uh i mean another person on monday another person on friday night there you go uh that's that's fractured it's not worthy of trust that whole there's no hope but the challenge here is you can't hold the outcome i he could theoretically show up and be a great father from here to kingdom come and this young child may never come around he can't hold that there's a point when somebody commits um financial infidelity and 10 years later it's not their problem anymore their partner needs a heart change their wife needs to grow up their husband needs to put that nonsense down right and um you can't hold that outcome you've got to continue to be a person of integrity for you. You've got to keep leaning in and leaning in and doing it and doing it and doing it.

I can't control what they can do. All I can control is what I do. That's right. And once you start chasing their approval, that's when you get yourself in trouble. You overspend. You do these weird big presents and weird big trips trying to win approval from a child. Can't do it, man. You know, a friend of mine recommended a movie that apparently everybody's seen but me what's that warrior oh it's yeah it's good right on right on this subject

that's my mma world man it's good mma stuff and uh i watched it the other night it's it's very much this subject yeah very much this subject well acted well written too and it's a beautiful story of brotherhood and redemption. Sort of. A wept wept. Sort of. That's right. Sort of. It's kind of a modern-day Rocky, but except better. Yeah, it was really good. But I thought that Nick Nolte probably did need an Oscar or something out of that.

That was pretty freaking incredible. It's an old movie, though, was it? Like 2011 or something? Yeah, it's been out for a minute. I guess I'm just the last of the party, but I got there. So, yeah, but it's the same thing, this idea that you can't just show back up and it's all okay like nothing happened it's all good that's right but that doesn't mean you don't show up right because the showing up heals you from the inside out right and you keep showing up and you

keep showing up and there's that beautiful moment when he falls off the wagon and his son's there his son knows right you keep showing up man. And redemption may not look like the fantasy picture you have. It won't. And there's no soundtrack that swells, and there's no people cheering for you, but redemption almost always comes. It just looks different than we think it's going to. And it's like a lot of things, like a lot of healing.

It's messy. Yeah. Oh, it's a mess, messy. It's because there's wounds. Yeah, there's just trash cans full of gauze over there in the corner. It's a mess. It's gross. But it doesn't mean it's not the right thing yeah yeah healing hurts everybody but so hey nothing else joshua there's just we know the data there's millions of dads who don't even

ask this question mom moves 16 hours away and they give up they cash in and they sit there and lick their wounds and they chase whatever addiction's gonna numb that hurt that son's gone and wife's gone. And kudos to you for saying, I don't want to be that guy. I want to rebuild. And what can I own here, man? I'll tell you, you can own almost all of it and just get to work. Being a dad's hard, Dave. Yeah, it is.

And Meg Meeker does a lot of really good writing on this, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, and Hero Dads, and her books and materials on the power of Father, even being absent, I'm reading his line here, for a long time, still showing up. Well, Christy Wright's story. Christy's got a great redemption story on this on this process and it's just it's a powerful uh thing and uh it needs to happen so yeah i commend you i'm with john on this joshua i commend you on doing that but i think it's good to remember whether it's

in business or working with an audience um you guys relationship with us that are out there are we worthy of trust are we consistent you know i get one of my biggest criticisms is you know dave you're one trick pony you know you one trick pony you don't have but one thing to say over and over and over and i go yeah yep but i always say the same thing that's right you can count on it yeah i never violate never violate it because just one time it'll make the front page of the paper. Just one time you're inconsistent in someone's mind, they're begging for

a reason to carve you out. To cancel you. To cancel culture. Just begging for a reason. This is the Dave Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.