The Ramsey Show - App - Is It Time for Me To Sell My Business? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

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Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Christy Wright. I'm a business coach, author, and speaker, and I'm joined today by Dr. John Deloney, who is also the host of the Dr. John Deloney Show and author of Redefining Anxiety. It's my name.

Dr. John. Lots of Ds. I don't know. It's Friday at 3 o'clock. That's what's going on. We are taking your calls about your life, your money, your anxiety, your time management, whatever you want to talk about. We are here for you. Your ability to pronounce names. I'm going to practice after this. Are you? No.

AAA. Listen to this, America. Christy Wright. I learned that in grad school. 888-825-5225. Call with anything. With your questions. We are here for you.

John Deloney, nailed it, has an event tonight called Money and Marriage where he and Rachel Cruz are going to be helping you in your money and in your marriage. It's a live stream, a digital date night tonight at 730 Central Time. You can go to RamseySolutions.com to get your ticket, which brings me to a question I have

for you, Dr. John Deloney. I got a call. I got a question on social media from Kathy, and Kathy Brooks asked me this. She said, how do I get my spouse on board? Now we get this question about business. I get this question a lot through business boutique, women that are starting side businesses, home-based businesses, small businesses. How do I get my spouse on board with my dream? We get this call all the time on the Ramsey show. How do I get my spouse on board with the plan? How do I get my spouse on board with the plan? How do I get my spouse on board with the baby steps?

Whatever. We just had a call in the last hour. How do I get my spouse on board with my career? They're not supportive of my career in that example. I want to hear from you. I know it's a super general question, but do you have certain either questions or conversation starters or like, here's where to start from. Here's how to start and not make a man out of the gate.

Here's how to start on like a really good footing for a hard conversation when you want something and they don't want that thing. I know it's a big question, but help us out. In my head, in counseling, we talk about the presenting issue. Somebody comes to therapy somebody comes to see a counselor in some sort of crisis and says I've got anxiety

I can't get my heart rate under control I can't get myself out of bed I want to fix that and normally you back up or you begin to unravel I'd pull those threads and you realize oh you talked to yourself in a certain way and who told you that this was your value right so there's bigger things here well what i often see in this

situation is somebody looks at a thing my husband won't get on board with my what i want to do with my job or my on this show especially i want to be debt free and my husband says that's stupid. I'm not doing that. And they want to solve that issue, and that's not the issue, right? So anytime I've got a quote-unquote issue in my house, I always want to go to what's the layer beneath the layer. The issue below the issue. So for instance, in my house, my wife is clearly, if you listen to me for eight seconds, clearly she's the one who is smarter and organized and on time. I'm a little bit of a human hurricane, but let's pretend that she's the one.

So instead of coming and saying, hey, why won't you be on the Dave Ramsey plane? It's ridiculous. I want to get out of debt. I would sit down in a, not on the back end of a fight, right, where everybody's am's amped up nobody's listening now we're just trying to run or try to fight and I would say I'm terrified that we are one flat tire away from not being able to feed our kid I'm one fight away at work from getting laid off and we got nothing and I don't know how to say these words, but I'm scared. And this feels like a way that we could provide some margin in our life that I could breathe, that I want to show up here and be present. And I haven't figured out what to be present yet,

because I can't breathe because we owe $75,000 in student loans and we just keep buying and buying and buying. And when I come to the table with vulnerability first and you got to remember that that word literally means for an animal like a think of a porcupine to roll over and expose its you can be hurt and i've heard husbands get the courage to say the words i'm scared and their wives are like are you some kind of wimp right so it happens and vice versa but that is the way it's that is the issue the issue is the issue. The issue is I'm terrified. The issue is I don't want my kid to grow up in the situation I grew up in. Whatever, that becomes the thing. And then we can talk about the vehicle

by which we get out of this thing. Which, for instance, the Dave Ramsey, it works every time. So that becomes, I can imagine in your world, and I've never talked about this, but if somebody just, if my wife came to me and said, I'm doing this side business and I've never talked about this but if somebody just if my wife came to me and said I'm doing this side

business and I want to do this and you're going to have to figure out it's almost an attack versus I've got this passion, I want to explore this value there's a part of me that has never been explored professionally and creatively how could we make this work together

oh my gosh I want to be all in on that. Right, right. And I think that's probably what happens in the relationships, in the conversations more often than not, where one person is scared to approach it. Maybe you have a more dominant personality or whatever. And so they actually, they don't come in with guns blazing of, I want to start this side business. Usually it's like scared to bring it up at all.

And I think that, you know, putting some language to that, I love how you talked about fears. Because if I can look back on any of Matt and I's discussions about things that we didn't agree on initially, or we had to work through it and it was not an easy decision, or whatever the thing was where I thought it should be this and he thought it should be this. And we've had plenty of those, like every marriage does. When we start to say, what are you afraid of? What does this represent to you? Then it's actually not about the decision at all. Whether we do this or that, spend this money or that, whatever it is, it's like, this represents this to me. This makes me scared that this is going to happen. And if you can begin

to address, well, here's how we could do this and that wouldn't happen, or here's how we could do this and this is not what that is, then it solves it, like you said, at the deeper issue. And it's amazing how many of our conflicts have been resolved by asking those questions around this was what this represents to me, or this is what my fears are around this. Another thing I would say, just to give some language to the people listening right now that may feel like they don't have as much of a voice in the marriage, or they're the ones that they feel like, I'm scared to bring this up. Sometimes your spouse isn't supportive, not because they don't want to be, but because

you have not made it clear that this is important to you. And so just those words, this is important to me, whether it's this business, this money plan, whatever. It's not to say that that's going to be all of a sudden that's just an ace. You know, that's just the trump card that all of a sudden they're going to be on board. But it should, if they are a good spouse, if they love you and value you, they should lean in. If Matt comes to me and says, this is important to me, I am all ears. I'm a different level of engaged and paying attention and trying to find how we can solution this thing that is important to the person I love most.

In that line, at the end of an hour and a half discussion, an hour after everybody usually goes to bed and somebody's crying and somebody's yelling, that yelled, this is important to me, is not helpful. That is a, I want to go out to breakfast, I want to go to dinner and talk about something that's really important to me, right? And here's the hard truth of these conversations. You have to have an or what statement. I want to have another kid.

I want to get out of debt. You better have in your back pocket an or what. Like I want to have another kid. I want to get out of debt. You better have in your back pocket an or what. Like, are you going to leave? Is that what you're really going to do? Or are you going to be in this marriage no matter what? You've got to be prepared

for that or what statement. That's hard. It's good. This is The Ramsey Show. If current times have shown us anything, it's that the least expected events can and will happen, and we have to deal with it. That's why everyone who has a family counting on them needs term life insurance. For over 20 years, the only company I've recommended is Zander Insurance. Not only because they search all of the top term life plans to find you the best rates, but over the years, they have constantly changed and updated their systems

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You only get 24 hours in a day, but I've got a challenge for you to help you actually get 24 hours back in your week. You can text time finder to three, three, four, four, four. That's time finder to three, three, four, four, four. Take the challenge. I give you a different tip every day for seven days that will help you get back truly 24 hours in your week. All right. We're going to go to Celinda in Duluth, Minnesota. Hey, Celinda. How are you?

I'm doing fine. How are you? Good. How can John and I help today? I was just wondering, how do you know when is a good time to sell a business? Well, tell me what's going on. Tell me what your business is and why you want to sell. Well, I have an e-commerce business, and I've heard two rumors that e-commerce businesses

are selling for a higher price right now because of the boom. And then also with an inflation and stuff, I'm afraid that maybe the business will start going down on those values. So kind of wondering if that's a good reason to consider selling or not. Okay. Well, how long have you had this business? For three years. Okay. What's your net profit annual? About $250,000. Okay. Do you like this job?

That depends on the day. Did you create this business with the intention of selling it? Yes, that is the intention. Okay. It's kind of to help fund the retirement someday when we sell it. Gotcha. Do you have offers on the table? No.

No, and we haven't listed or anything. It's just where my husband and I are considering whether we should or not. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 39. Well, here's what's interesting about selling your business, Celinda, and this is something that you can think about for yourself. I certainly can't tell you.

But there's two major factors in selling your business. Timing is not one of them, in my opinion. I mean, it is a factor, but it's not a major factor. The major factors would be the financial, right? Like, what are you going to make off of this sale? The other one that I would consider a major factor when you're a business owner, this is your baby, you built this thing up, is the emotional aspect of it. How you will feel when it's gone, how you will feel when someone else is running it. You may feel incredible relief like, yes, oh my gosh, I can't wait. And you may be like, I'm kind of sad. I wasn't quite ready yet. I jumped the gun because I thought the timing was good or whatever. There's an aspect of looking at

timing that is wise, but I never want people to make a major decision like that. And that's a major decision with a scarcity mindset. Like you can't sell it in three years or you can't sell it in five years. Hypothetically, if you do it right, the value should only go up and you can sell it for more later. So I'm not opposed to you selling it now. I just don't think you have to sell it now. I don't want you to make the decision to sell it now out of fear

because you think that you're not going to get as much or more later because I don't think that's true. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. And I think a lot of what sparked it was the market's good now, but it might not be later. Yeah.

I don't think. But I do enjoy it, and it is giving us a very good income. Yeah, it is. I mean, that's a great income. Here's the thing, Celinda. If you are not, if there's not a time-sensitive reason to sell it now in your personal life or your business life, I would not let a scarcity mindset about the market drive you to make a major decision like that. Because you can sell it later. You're only going to grow it.

E-commerce is not going anywhere. It's only growing as well. And so I think it's one of those things that it's not never, it's just not right now. If you came to me and you said, hey, here's all the reasons for, I'm ready to retire.

I'm tired of the business. I don't enjoy it. I want out. And the market's good. Cool. That's a totally different question. But if you're having fun and it's bringing in a good income

and the only reason you're thinking about it is because of the market, I would say hold. I'd say stay in it. Keep that awesome income. Keep growing it. And then when you're ready personally as a family, you're ready to retire, you're ready to let go of it fully, then you think about selling it and you're still going to make a great, great income on the sale of that business. I hope that helps. But you're in a great, great income on the sale of that business. I hope that helps. But you're in a great position and way to go for growing this business to a net profit of $250,000. I mean, that's incredible.

That's incredible. Well done. All right. We've got Emily in Grand Rapids. Hey, Emily, how are you? Hi, I'm well, Christy. How are you? Good.

How can John and I help today? Short version. Sorry, I'm kind of nervous. No, you're great. We're John and I help today? Short version. Sorry, I'm kind of nervous. No, you're great. We're nervous, too. We're nervous, too. Go ahead. Okay, cool.

And I was just listening to you down on YouTube, so this is even weirder. This whole thing is weird. He's everywhere. Wild. Okay. So my husband and I are in Baby Steps 4 and 6. We don't have kids. We've been in our career path for more than 10 years,

and we both hate it and want to do something else. And an opportunity has come for us to move across the country to take a completely different job, and I'm wondering if this is a fun opportunity and adventure that we should jump on or if it's just foolish and impulsive then we should be more thoughtful about picking up and leading what's the opportunity um so my brother lives in west virginia and he works for a natural gas company on the pipeline and he can get my brother a job down there so my brother's been wanting us to move to west virginia for the last year and now a job came up and he's like when are you moving are you going to apply when you're down there. So my brother's been wanting us to move to West Virginia for the last year. And now

a job came up and he's like, when are you moving? Are you going to apply? When are you moving? When are you going to do it? So now it's like, we'd have a job. Should we do it? Or is it just too impulsive to up and leave and quit our jobs? And I've never lived more than an hour in my hometown and I'm all nervous, but also this sounds like a good push to do something else. And if we hate it, we can always move back. If you hate it, the jobs you are in right now you hate. What do you do now? Yeah.

I am a clinical microbiologist. So I grow fungus and tuberculosis and herpes and anything else that comes out of you or off of you. That's crazy. You're really smart. No, it's not. That is really cool. So here's the rationale my wife and I just used. We lived in Texas every day of our life,

and then we got this opportunity to come work at an extraordinary, world-class university here in Nashville. And we used the exact same thing that you just said. If we come out here and it's a bust and it's a disaster, we can just move back. And we both have skills. And we were fortunate

that we didn't hate where we were. You've got that added pressure. You've got the right spirit behind this, which is if we go to West Virginia and it's a disaster, you can grow herpes. I don't even know what that means. You can grow fungus, right? Surely there's other places you can

grow that. You've got a set of transferable skills. You've got a million different things you can do. Christy's right. You hate where you are now. You've got a great job. You've got family connections when you get there. If it's not going to be a toxic, nonsensical environment, here's the thing.

I'm all for it. And so do the wild thing, the sensible crazy thing, if that makes sense. And I love your heart behind it. This isn't a forever thing. Give yourself two to three to four years. Go for it. And then if it's a disaster move here's the thing about you it won't be a disaster it'll be great and there'll be parts

about that are hard and there'll be parts about that you never experienced and you loved and you'll be lonely and you'll find new friends and all that will be challenging and exciting it's just going to be is that what you want to keep doing right yeah yeah we put so much existential pressure on these things that this doesn't need to be there. Right. Well, and it seems like all the variables you should consider line up to move. You don't have kids, so you're not worrying about school. You hate your life.

You hate your jobs. So we're not leaving something we love. We're moving closer to family, and you've got a job waiting on you. Even if that job was a stepping stone job, like, hey, we're going to do it. We may not love it either, but it's going to get us closer to family and be a new adventure. And then we find something new. We grow fungus in the new place. Like, that's cool. That's

exciting. Yeah. And your baby steps four and six. Like, yeah. I say do it. I don't think it's irresponsible. I say do it. You're leaving a job you hate. Do it. Do it. Do it. This is The Ramsey Show. auto insurance companies love to play the game where they see just how high they can jack up your rates for no reason. Real fun, right? Good news is it's not hard to beat them at their own game.

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Text AUTO to 33789 and put a trusted ELP agent on your team. That's AUTO to 33789. All right, we're going to go to Gina in Phoenix, Arizona. Hey, Gina, how are you? Hi, Christy and Dr. Deloney. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. How can we help?

Well, I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last five or so years, and I just got a job offer today. And so I'm wondering, not only, you know, opening this new chapter of my life, but as far as financially, we're going to have a second income. So I'm kind of wondering, you know, it's opening this whole new world to us. So just maybe some direction. Sure. Well, that's exciting.

I'm assuming you're excited about this. Yes, absolutely. Awesome. What are you going to be doing? I will be a personal trainer and a nutrition coach, which is finally what I want to do. Cool. Well, congratulations. That is super exciting.

Thank you. Thank you. Well, we guide people when it comes to money on the Baby Steps. And so are you familiar with the Baby Steps? Yes. Actually, we are debt-free except for the house. Awesome. So we're looking to invest and kind of move down that route.

And also there's things that now we have the opportunity to save for, like a bigger car and a roof on our house. Sure. The practical things. Sure. Well, here's what's so great. So now when you do your monthly budget, you're going to incorporate this new income into it. And so what that means is you're definitely going to have some more money to play on and just enjoy as you should for your work and the work from staying home and the work that you

now have out in this new job. But also, you're just going to be able to get a little bit more aggressive with your goals at baby steps four, five and six. So when you're investing, if you're not already investing 15%, you want to invest 15% total of your household income, your take-home. And then you're also going to want to put that money into a college fund if you haven't already started that. Have you started that yet? We have, yes. Okay, cool. So you continue to contribute to that. And then the rest is just put it towards your house. And so you can pay off your home early. You can put extra mortgage payments. You can, you know, if you've got one big lump sum you want to put on it, you can. If not,

you can just pay more each month on your mortgage. And so really what this is doing, Gina, is it's just giving you a bigger shovel towards your goals. So your goals are the same. You're on baby steps four, five, and six. You're definitely going to have a little bit more freedom in your budget. But as you incorporate that in, I think you'll find that you're making more traction on those baby steps even faster and having fun in the process. Does that make sense? Yeah. Awesome.

Go ahead. Hey, Gina, can I throw some unsolicited advice your way? Yes. of them's returning to the workforce and everybody's excited because they do the math. What often gets lost is the rhythm of a household, the rhythm of their relationship. And so I want you guys to build in on your calendar at least a weekly check-in. No kids, no calendar, no budgets, just a talking with each other for an hour or whatever. Look at each other and say, how are we doing? How are we?

How's work? And I want you to be able to say, I'm excited to be back in the workforce. This is way more tiring than I thought. Or I'm three weeks in and you are not helping like you said you were going to. And he's allowed to say, yeah, the business is about to get busy. We may need to make some other, but I want y'all to create a rhythm where you are checking in with each other because this is going to affect more than your money.

And I see couples all the time just look at that bottom line. They high five each other. We're going to get new cars, the new roof. We're going to pay our house off in two years. And then suddenly their marriage is on life support 18 months later because they didn't anticipate the extra shift in the relationship.

Does that make sense? Oh, absolutely. And we've already kind of had the conversation, you know, eased into it a little as far as, you know, you're going to have to be doing a little bit more and he's totally on board. Okay. So that can be a great primer, but you're going to have to be specific. And when things aren't being done, then you're going to have to be vulnerable and say it, and he's going to have to say the words, I'm sorry, and all.

So you're going to have to pick up some slack. I got it. Man, that's a recipe for flying by each other in the night, right? So set up some very direct, here's what I need you to do, here's some help I need, here's some support I need, and we're going to work on this together. Let's talk about this, John, because this is a really interesting point. And you, I always refer to this because it was so helpful for me. You talk about when you're communicating with your spouse or anyone, but specifically in marriage, visualize what something looks like.

I use this all the time. Like, hey, what do you want to do on Saturday? Let's have fun. Yeah, and we agree. And then our idea of fun is not the same. So you say visualize it it like in pictures. I think this could be even really helpful for this because Gina, in your example,

when you say you're going to have to pick up a little more, I think it would be a good exercise for you to define what that means. Are there specific things you expect your husband to do and need him to do and want him to do and certain things you want to do. And then get on the same, when y'all have these conversations and check-ins, have him speak into that as well. Like, what does this look like?

Because I think that he could, he may hear that and he may do a couple things. And he's like, well, I did it. Twice. I did a little bit more. Yeah. Like one time. Remember that was so great. That one time I did that one thing.

And he feels like he's hit the mark. I mean, I'm not trying to be funny, but he feels like he's hit the mark. And you're resentful because you're doing all the same stuff you did before because y'all were used to a rhythm and roles that you had and now that you're going back to work there has to be very clear like here's what i would like to see happen these are the things i want to still do these are the things i would like for you to do here's the things we do together so like um i travel gina and and so one of the things that matt i've talked about before is hey matt like i'm so grateful that you were able to hold down the four and all the things while i'm gone one of the things that is like really kind of frustrating to me is if i come home

and there's a house is a total wreck yes because it's like i'm coming home talk in my house coming home to a wreck i know it doesn't have to be spotless like we don't have to have grocery stocked but like if you could just not have it be a wreck that would be awesome and then he'll say to me like hey these are the things that I really hate doing. Can they just be your things? And I'm like, cool. Yeah, they can. And you just both speak into expectations with unbelievable specificity.

Speak into that and be very clear. And then I think what you'll find, Gina, is the conflicts, the resentment, the disagreements are much, much less because you had those conversations. But congratulations. Congratulations on your new job. Congratulations on being just a champion the last five years home with your kids. I can't even imagine how hard that season was. That is a thankless job of the diapers and dishes, and it just all happens the next day. And so you have done that successfully, and now you're in this new season and

we're just, we're super excited for you. So have those conversations, do the budget and I think it'll be great. Here's how, here's two examples from my house. One, if in the past,

feel said, Hey, I need you to help with the dishes and I'll say, got them. Sure. Monday goes by. I'm thinking help with the dishes. Someday.

Listen, there's still a cabinet full of cups. There's nobody out of cups in this house. They're right there. And for her, she cannot close her eyes at night if there's still cups out. This is a thing. There's still dishes in the sink. I'm so urgent. If I ask Matt to do something, I don't understand why it hasn't happened in the next three seconds.

He's like, chill out. Like, give me a minute. I'm like, sorry i meant right now yeah if they if i can't see them over the top of the sink we got plenty of space i open the drawer there's still spoons there there is no need for dishes and if there is spoons in right and so it's it's about that specificity so clear and then here's the other thing. So this comes a lot with intimacy. Like when you're first dating, you're first married, you're just infatuated with each other. You're all over each other. And then you meet with couples two, five, ten years in, and it feels less romantic to have to schedule intimacy on the counter.

Similarly, yet very different, now when my wife is coming home from being out of town, she will text and say, four-hour warning. Then she will text, two-hour warning. I will be home in one hour. And that is the,

I need this place clean. I know you've turned this into a bachelor pad. You've got four hours. But it's her helping me. It would be great if she just showed up and it was all clean. It's not going to happen, so she helps me out.

Help me help you. This is The Ramsey Show. our scripture of the day is first thessalonians 5 18 give thanks in all circumstances for this is god's will for you in christ jesus and our quote is from Sheryl Sandberg. You'll be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive. All right. I am hosting today with Dr. John Deloney. One more segment. If you want to give us a call, 888-825-5225. We are taking your calls about life and money.

I want to remind you, John Deloney and Rachel Cruz have an event tonight, Money in Marriage. You can get your tickets at ramsaysolutions.com. It is a live stream event tonight at 730 Central Time. And my new book, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance is available for pre-sale. And you can get your copy at RamseySolutions.com. All right, blinds.com 100% satisfaction guarantee means that even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promo codes they run every month, you'll save even more.

Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Pam in New Jersey. My two sisters and I will eventually inherit a sizable estate that includes not only investments, but real estate. One sister and I do not see eye to eye on most areas, especially money. How do I avoid confrontation or deal with high emotions when it comes to this sort of inheritance? John Deloney to this sort of inheritance.

John Deloney, this is your specialty. Avoid confrontation. Well, that seems like that's not possible in this situation. You're not going to avoid confrontation. Or high emotions. You're not going to deal, avoid high emotions. You're going to have to be highly intentional way, way upstream. So you say eventually inherit.

And so these questions are always hard because I want to know a little bit more information. You want more information. I want to know, is the person you're inheriting this from able to sit down and dictate what's going to happen now? Are they incapacitated and suddenly they're having to come to terms

with the fact that we're about to inherit this stuff? There's two things you can do here. Number one, you can go with your sister. Me and my brother did this. We went out one night and we spent a long night together just saying was i was leaving texas and i looked at him he lives in the same town as my parents and said i'm i'm out i'm the i'm the older brother here i want to make sure we're on the same page and he was so thoughtful and had so much thought out that i hadn't planned for and i mean it was just such a gift to hear what an amazing man my little brother was he's a

little brother he's in his like you know he's old now um but we sat down and had a heart to heart about it and um so i would recommend pam just so you can sleep at night to go out and say we're going to inherit this we know that that we do money differently. How are we going to approach this? Here's what this is going to look like. Assuming that doesn't work, then you're going to need to get a third party. Whether that's an attorney, you're going to need to sit down and decide, hey, can we look at this will so we know who's going to be the person who's the executor and all. Do as much of that upstream as you can. You are right. Once somebody dies and there are checks and zeros in real estate, it is a free for all. It's emotional.

It's a disaster. So the more of the stuff you can handle upstream, the better. Yeah. The solution to so many of the things we have been talking about today and questions that we've gotten on the Ramsey show is to talk about it. Intentionality. Yeah. Talk about it.

So many people just try to avoid talking about things. And if you would talk about it, now granted you need to talk about it the right way, with the right heart, and ask the right questions, and find the common ground. But man, avoiding, avoiding confrontation,

avoiding high emotions, avoiding conflict, avoiding communication, is not the way to do it. And if you have this conversation, and it is a train wreck, that's information, that's data, right? Now you know this is not going to be amicable, this is not going to be a simple solution

or we're not going to be on the same page here. Now I've got to go invest in a lawyer. Now I've got to go invest in fill in the blank, right? I've got to go do some other things. But until then, it's just this cloud of anxiety and anxiousness and frustration and anger. And that's just a mess. Yeah, that's a good point. You know how to proceed.

Even if it goes bad, you know how to proceed. All right, let's go to Melanie in San Francisco. Hey, Melanie, how are you? I'm doing great. How are you guys? Good. How come John and I helped today? Well, I've been debating on calling for

a long time. I just got on to Dave Ramsey probably two months ago from one of my agents in my brokerage that I work for. And I am 28 years old. I have two kids under two and I've been married for five years. We've been together for eight. And I just kind of hit a spot where I found no motivation. I don't feel like I'm worth a lot, like I'm just a mom. And I know that sounds so loaded. I struggle with anxiety a lot, and I've been struggling lately with self-doubt. And being a new realtor with nothing under my belt, it's hard to get out there to get your first listing or get your first buyer. And I lately I've been doing this for, I got my license in October and

I had my son a week later. So I've been really doing this for maybe seven months, like all the time. And I just don't know if it's right for me. I don't know. I go back to this is what I worked so hard for. I went to school. I paid this off. It's all ready, but I just, it's the self-doubt that gets me. My husband is, I love him to death,

and I'll spend the rest of my life defending him, but he just has no goals. He has no aspirations. He's just happy and content. And I'm mom and he's dad. He goes to work. He comes home and I do everything. And I hate to say that, but I don't know.

How do I go about getting my husband on the same page about getting debt free. Because I guess I'm just looking for insight. Yeah, Melanie, first of all, it's funny, even on the break, John and I were talking, and I was talking about just in Matt and I's journey, we had two kids a year and a half apart, and I remember that year. I remember that year, Melanie. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes, yes it is

it about broke us and and and I hear it in your voice I are at right now and I talked to him the other day I broke and I said I'm not happy something something I'm not happy and I I was such a fun outgoing social butterfly I would talk to anybody. And now I'm just, I'd rather just stay home, you know, with my kids. And I just, I just, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong for calling. I don't know. No, you're not at all.

I'm so glad you called. I want John to take this. This is his specialty. But I just want to encourage you one thing, because I was literally just in your shoes a few years ago. And I know everybody says it, Melanie, but it's true. This is a season. This is where you are. This is not who you are.

Your season does not define you. You are in a season of little kids that are absolutely consuming. You are exhausted. That is where you are. That is not who you are. I promise you, it will get easier. John can

take this from the anxiety and the self-doubt angle, but I'm just saying with the little kids, I hear it in your voice. I was you and I swear as I sit here today, it does get easier. You are still that fun girl and you will go out and be fun again you are just in a season that is exhausting and i promise you it will get easier i can take all of the clinical

expertise on planet earth and none of that matters like hearing from a mom who's just been there my husband and i also too i i don't like about it because I don't want anybody to feel pity for me because I don't want any pity. We lost our son at 41 weeks during delivery four years ago. And since that moment happened, we just kind of coexist. That's what it feels like to me. I love him to death, and he is my husband, yes, but we just can't exist at this point, and I want to save my marriage, and I want to get debt-free and buy a house

and do all these things, but it's very difficult. So you are taking on the world right now, and it's like your boat is sinking, and you're also thinking about a mortgage, and you're thinking about where your kids are going to go to college, and right now you've got to get to shore. Okay? You are exhausted.

And that's focus number one. So I want you to get some time with your husband. Y'all get away and find somebody to come sit with you with your little kids. You can get 48 hours and I want you just to be with each other. Christy's right.

This conversation, who we're going to become and what we're going to be and all that, your body's going to become yours again. Your heart's going to become yours again. Your mind will become yours again. And then you will have a season where you have solid ground. You can work on your marriage.

That's not today. Today is about survival. You got this. And we'll be praying for you, Melanie. Stay on the line. Kelly will give you a ticket tonight if you want to view it tonight or any time later just to encourage you and give you that kickstart to have that conversation. I want to thank producer James Childs, Kelly Daniel. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show.

If you would like to do your debt-free screen live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.