The Ramsey Show - App - It's PERSONAL Finance... Sometimes Sentimentality Matters (Hour 2)

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. George Camel, Ramsey personality, host of The Fine Print on Ramsey Networks, one of our popular podcast series, is here with me today to answer your questions about your career, about your relationships, your mental health, about your money. We're here to help with your life. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Elma is with us in San Jose, California. Hi, Elma. How are you? Hi. Good, Dave. Thank you so much for taking my call. I really appreciate it. Can I just say thank you? You've given me a lot of hope, and because of you, I have $400,000 in investments, $18,000 in emergency fund.

Yeah, but I've got a question for you. Well, thank you, Elma. Hey, listen, let's just be real clear, though. I didn't give you any money. It's because of you that that money's there. I'm proud of you. You're a hero. Well, it was your book, Money Makeover, that gave me a lot of hope.

So thank you so much. And I cleared off $10,000 in debt. You're amazing. Thank you. Thank you. So I've got a dilemma, though, because it hasn't really been perfect. My husband and I have a home that's worth about a little over a million dollars. We owe $600,000 on the home.

I don't think I could do it in 7.3 years. I'm 53 and my husband will be 73. And I told him, I said, sweetheart, maybe what we could do is since your kids live in San Diego, maybe perhaps we can purchase a home there outright when we sell this home. And so I wanted to know what your thoughts were on that. So you have $400,000 in equity right now? Yeah. Okay.

And you're moving to San Diego, why? Because his children are there. And then, you know, he's 73 and we've got grandkids to be with them. Are you retired? Are both of you not working? I'm working. He's retired. But he just started working because I said, Sweetheart, you know, we just need to make things work here. What are you going to do?

Are you going to be able to take your job with you to San Diego? I'm looking. I may. What do you make? Right now I make $85,000 a year. Okay. Well, I mean, if you can move to another city, be near family, make the same amount of money, and end up in a paid-for house all in the process,

I don't know what the downside would be. Okay. Can you find a property for $400,000 in San Diego? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, you can. know it's it's it's below average price but you can't yeah the average price in San Diego is about a half million right now um wow I mean that's average meaning that there's a lot above and a lot median house price half above half below um I guess the reason why I'm hesitant is because it's my family home that we both bought together and it would be giving up my family home but it's just been giving me a lot of anxiety you know um so your family home that you grew up in is where you live now yes okay yeah that would be uh that'd be nostalgic it'd be kind of sad yeah yeah but i i don't think that um you know here's the thing i it's a trade-off then you know

you get to live with no debt you have to live near his kids um and the the downside is is that you go through the emotions of the family home moving on right yeah exactly yeah and there's gonna be a lot of grief there yeah and you know and you get rid of the anxiety that's associated with anxiety and i could do the debt-free screen well you could do that anyway you're debt-free except the house So we allow both kinds of debt-free screams. But either way. So, yeah, I don't see the only – now I actually have a reason not to do it. I didn't see any before, and that's the family home.

That's new information late in the conversation. It's sentimental. But I think this is going to set you up to where if you've got the only income there and you have no mortgage payment, you're going to be so free. Yeah. It's going to be amazing. I think it's a good idea to stop, though, and say, hey, things that are sentimental are valid. This is personal finance.

Then what you have to do is you have to weigh how sentimental it is versus the benefit on the other side. Let me give you an example. A lady called in one time. She said, I have a wedding ring that I can sell for $10,000 wedding ring and we could pay off ten thousand dollars worth of debt and uh how much do you make 120 000 a year how much debt do you have 50 000 bucks i'm like no because you're not gonna get that ring back you know and that's all it didn't you know it didn't complete if you sell for a million dollars thinking about it you know it was ten thousand bucks yeah and they make money and the ratio to their debt to me it wasn't worth the trade-off i would not sell my wife's wedding ring even if she wanted to for ten thousand dollars

in that situation you see what i'm saying so sometimes sentimental does out does trumpet yeah not always but sometimes is there a time where there's a false sentimentality around it like well this is just my car i had when i was in high school even though i've got dead you know is there a moment where you have to be an adult and say all right there's some things like that i mean and you know what i tell people today is well it was my dad's your dad's what john deere tractor i mean you know i mean what is what are you being sentimental about you got your dad's old Bible. Yeah, okay. That's an heirloom.

You know, that's an heirloom versus, but somehow the tractor, I've had pickup trucks. My dad's a pickup truck, you know. You know, I wish I had my grandpa's old pickup truck, though. Oh, God, it was so cool. But three on the tree, baby. But you don't even know what that is. I know. That's beyond my time.

Stick shift on the. Oh, I've seen those. Up on the, yeah, up on the side of the sun screen. Yeah, they don't make those anymore. They don't. It what that is. I know. That's beyond my time. Stick shift on the... Oh, I've seen those. Up on the... Yeah, up on the side. Yeah, they don't make those anymore. They don't. It was called three on the tree. Now there's like a button you just press.

It's real weird. I don't like those. I don't even want to talk about it. Sorry. With a little knob, you just turn it to reverse. And now you plug it into a cord. Dave's getting very upset. We've turned vehicles into Roombas.

You just turn... We were having a good discussion, George. I'm sorry. And then you did that. But this is... It's a very upset. We've turned vehicles into Roombas. We were having a good discussion, George. I'm sorry. And then you did that. But it's a valid point. It's personal finance, and it's okay to have feelings about this stuff. What you've got to do is weigh out where is it taking me and what is the weight of the item and what's the impact it has. If I had Grandpa's truck and I could sell it for $4,000, I'd never sell it in a million years.

If I had Grandpa's truck and I could sell it for four thousand dollars i'd never sell it in a million years if i had grandpa's truck and i could sell it for 40 million dollars it's gone gone so there is a weight to the sentimentality right you know 40 million it's gone there's no such thing sure but but i mean my point is everything does have a price in that sense it's not a this idea that you're supposed to that you're irresponsible if you use any emotions or sentimentality at all when analyzing things. No, you're irresponsible if you don't. You should have those involved. That's my point. Yeah. We're human beings.

We got feelings. It's personal finance. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time. In an uncertain world, being a good steward of your money is more important than ever. While some circumstances can't be controlled, there are items within your budget you can take charge of, such as your healthcare costs. For nearly 40 years, Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM,

has provided a budget-friendly means of sharing for medical bills when our members need it. Learn more by visiting chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a Ramsey Trusted Provider. A lot happening around Ramsey this week. Dr. John Deloney's new book has gone on presale.

It's absolutely incredible. Be sure and check it out at RamseySolutions.com. Also, he and Rachel Cruz, my daughter, will be doing the Money and Marriage event this coming Friday night. Money is one of the biggest sources of stress for married couples. Sharon and I dealt with our fair share of money stress, and I know how heavy it can be. About 33 years ago, we've been married almost 40. Our marriage was hanging on by a thread. We went through bankruptcy, and that's when I set out to learn

the right way of managing money and building wealth. Valentine's Day, instead of an ordinary date night, put them into the money stress to your marriage. Valentine's Day sale includes all kinds of gifts. It'll strengthen your marriage. You can do the money and marriage your marriage. Valentine's Day sale includes all kinds of gifts that will strengthen your marriage. You can do the money and marriage event this coming Friday night. You can check that out. We've got questions for humans, conversation cards for couples.

You can get 55 conversation starters there. We've got the wedding pack for newlyweds and engaged couples. All kinds of different fun Valentine's Day things you can do. But this coming Fridayiday night be sure and check out the money and marriage live stream all of this is going on for valentine's day right here at ramsey solutions.com be sure and check it out mary is with us in richmond virginia hi mary welcome to the ramsey show hey dave i am so so glad I made it through to you. I'll just start real quick. Seven years ago, I remember talking to you, and you told me to put my big girl panties on.

And I'm going to tell you, I grew up a lot. Whoa. So when I called in and talked to you about getting myself focused on what I needed to take care of and not worry about everybody else. So anyway, since then, um, my husband, uh, passed away, um, October 3rd of last year. Um, uh, it was actually glioblastoma brain tumor that a lot of men get, uh, women and children get it too, but a lot of men don't realize they have it until it's too late and there's no cure for it. Um, so, um, personality changes and that kind of thing. But who tells you when, you know, you start blaring off that you need to go have an MRI. Um, so, uh, chemo and radiation didn't help. It just extended life, that kind of thing. I became a quick caregiver, but thank you, Dave.

All right, so here's my, that's the back story. So I'm a woman of faith, and one thing I can tell you is the house that we bought, my husband at first told me, Mary, you've got to sell this house. It was over 2,800 square feet or 20. Any, anyway, it was, it was a big house. And, um, and then as he got sicker, he was like, no, you can't leave. Well, I prayed about it a lot. The kids didn't want to come stay with me.

They live in the city in Richmond. Um, and I said, no, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it now because the way the market's going. So I sold the house. I sold majority of everything in it. I just kept a few things. I bought the home at $276,000 in 2017. Realtor told me to sell it at one price, and I kept saying, no, I can get more for it.

And I sold it for $379,000. Wow. I, um, came out of it with 105,000 in my pocket after all fees were paid, um, which leads me to you now. Um, I have, um, I paid off over, uh, 7,000, almost $8,000 worth of debt that I had. Yes, I do have three credit cards, but I can pay them off. They're just stupid things that I had, totaling only $747. I have put $58,000 is just sitting in a checking account. I'm getting it within a credit union. Are you working? I am.

I am a paralegal. Where do you live? I make over in Richmond, Virginia. No, I mean, what are you living in now that you sold the house? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I am actually, when I sold the house, my daughter and her new husband told me I can come stay with them until my apartment comes open on February 18th. Oh, okay. So you move into an apartment next week to rent.

Yep. And you make how much a year? Yep, I'm going to do that for a year. You make how much a year? I make $67,000. Okay, and you're going to cut up your credit cards tonight, dadgummit, you know that. Yes, and I have a side gig of $20,000 that I cleared last year. So you can make a living and you have $90,000 to $100,000 laying around?

Yeah. Okay, so you park it until you get ready to rebuy. Okay, that's why I called you because i'm i was thinking okay i'd like to get a piece of rental property no cater to the visiting nurses no okay okay okay i want you i want you to stop okay and you haven't had time to cry yet yeah you've been just running from one thing to another that's all i've ever done you sold your house you moved your frenetic everything's going crazy and you you know how long were y'all married 34 years yeah you need to spend about a year we were we were a rock and roll couple

yeah you need to spend about a year crying and you don't need to work on nothing else just go to work come home hug your babies hug your grandbabies if you got any and see everybody eat dinner with friends drink wine and cry yeah it's okay and that's one thing i can't say grateful that the kids weren't there at the house during that time before i sold the house because i was able to grieve a lot yeah i know but my point is my point is you're still running in circles a little bit after all this extreme tragedy, and I want you to have a little bit of room to grieve and breathe

without having to make a big decision on this. And you certainly, crap, don't need a rental property in the middle of all this. It's a nightmare. I mean, you're just asking for more crap to deal with. I want you to make your life simple, clean, quiet, and then out of that healing, you're going to make a whole different decision in the spring of 23 as to what you do. I've never done that, Dave. It's time.

I've never just not done anything. It's time. And you're not going to not do anything for the rest of your life. You're not going to do anything for one year one year slow down get rid of that debt get that emergency fund you're going to sleep so good at night not having to worry about a flurry of activity that you've been keeping yourself busy with it's okay to just be quiet grieve slowly and you've got a pile of money that makes it a whole lot less stressful. Don't touch it.

Get on a budget so that you're living on what you make. Don't spend any of that money on anything. Set it aside. I put majority of it into a money market and just put like $12,000 into my checking. Don't touch it. Don't touch it. You don't need any of it. Right?

Just don't get the idea you need to buy something. You don't need to buy anything, right? Just don't get the idea you need to buy something. You don't need to buy anything. Stop. Okay. Stop. And I am driving a Dave Ramsey car. You'll be okay for a year. You'll be okay for a year.

Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. If it breaks, you can fix it. But, I mean, just calm, calm. Then a year from now, you go get a better car, figure out how much you want to set aside for that, set aside how much you want to do for the down payment on a house, buy you a home to live in or a condo to live in where you stabilize your housing situation.

You don't want to be a renter in perpetuation because you lost your husband at your young age. That's not the plan. And a renter while you have renters. It's interesting dave every time someone has a traumatic event happen our advice is first before anything is just slow down we don't need to make any decisions today or the next few months we're just going to take a pause especially when there's a big pile of money involved and things can get out of hand when you know emotions are in there we're starting to spend we're starting to make decisions while we're trying to grieve it's just too much at once yeah well i mean i i've been married 40 years she's been married 34 years something happened to sharon i mean i i'm not

my brain does not work for a while and i've got a pretty good brain yeah but it's not going to work for a while in that fog and um and i told her the other day if she leaves i'm going with her so how'd she take it she said, well, you have to catch me. But I've been catching her for 40 years, so it's okay. But, I mean, the idea that you can just, you know, you're the same as before that. You need to give yourself room. All of us do. That's a human being thing.

If you have the financial luxury, and she does, to not make decisions, big decisions, quickly, then don't make them quickly. Just go slow. There's no urgency here. Go slow. Go slow. Give yourself time for the fog to clear. You're right, George. That's good.

This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Levi and Sadie are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hey, Dave. Welcome, welcome. Where do you guys live? Wyoming. All right. Well, welcome all the way to Nashville.

And here to do a debt-free scream, how much have you paid off? $64,000. Good for you. And how long did that take? It took four years and six months. One year of that was a bachelor before I got married. So I really looked at that, just the report, kind of where you're paying interest. And that first year, I was like, man, if I could just throw a bunch at this right now, it's going to save me a lot of interest. Okay. So you got started early, and then you guys get married three years into the process,

or one year into the process, been married three years. Yep. Okay, good. So what was your range of income during this four years and six months? Our monthly budget is based on $36,000 to $48,000 now. Cool. What do you all do for a living? I own and operate my own mowing grass and plowing snow.

Oh, good for you. And I'm a bookkeeper. All right. Very good. Good. So what kind of debt was the $64,000? It was our house. Whoa! You paid off your house. What's your house worth? The realtor just said from all the people moving into Wyoming, it just bumped it up to $350,000.

Wow! Look at you! Whoop, whoop, whoop! I love this! Well done. Well done, you guys. Amazing. Good work.

Good work. How old are you guys? I'm 32. I'm 26. Oh, my goodness. With a paid-for house. What's up with all these young people paying off their house, Dave? I don't know, George. You'm 32. I'm 26. Oh, my goodness. Paid for house. What's up with all these young people paying off their house, Dave? I don't know, George.

You did it. I like it. I did it. How old are you, George? 32. Paid for house. Man, I'm seeing a trend here. That's incredible.

You guys are awesome. So what's the story here? Four years, six months ago, you wanted to be extra weird. Yeah, I didn't really go to college or anything and so i just saved money and then actually in 2007 or something i heard dave on the radio i went talk to my parents i was like who's this dave guy maybe i should take my college funds since i'm not really going to go to college and put it in uh gross stock mutual funds or something and they're like they kind of were on the larry briquette train a little bit so they raised me to to save money but then i think 2011 i finally was like you know what

i'm if i go to college i'm gonna you know just pay for it so i was able to put a little bit of my college fund away and then i was able to put 40 down on on the house. Wow. It was a foreclosure. All the pipes were frozen. Did you guys do all the work? Yes. Wow. I had a feeling you were a handy guy. And my family and friends.

And Sadie is just the most amazing person. She never complained. We got married and we didn't even have a kitchen. We used a second bathroom for our kitchen. Oh, my goodness. Cooking in the bathroom. That's a second bathroom for our kitchen. Oh, my goodness. Cooking in the bathroom. That's next level. It was an adventure.

But you are 32 with a paid for $350,000 house. Yeah. Yeah, you're a little weird and it paid off. Yeah. I like it. I like weird people. Good stuff, man. Way to go, guys.

You're heroes. Thank you. How does it feel to be your age with a paid for house? Well, we look at the house very differently now, I think. It's ours. I think it's actually made me maybe a little lazier. I'm like, I don't have to really pay anybody. I'm just, let's go play golf today.

Seasonal work. I'm like, take the winters off. Only when it's snowing. So luckily, we were able to come out here because we didn't have snow in the forecast this week. Oh, okay. All right. You don't have to work. Good for you guys.

Well done. All right. What do you tell? Go ahead. Oh, no. I just wanted to know with your landscaping business, do you still mow your own grass now that you have a paid-for house? Not as much as I mow other people's grass.

Okay. All right. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? The key for me is you got to love what you're doing. Anybody out there right now, if you just hate your job, hate going to work, maybe you should. This is America. Find something you love to do. I really enjoy serving older people, mowing their grass, and just doing that every day.

And the second key, having family support you and having a wife that's with you. She never nagged me about the house we were living in when we fixed it up. So that's huge. It worked out in the end. Yeah. I still got a laundry room and a bathroom to finish remodeling. Okay. You always need a project.

You need to get with that. I mean, come on. No laziness. Get it done. Come on, my man. This woman's putting up with you. Get this done. So did you guys have a lot of cheerleaders in this process?

Were they looking at you like, what are you doing, man? You guys are so young. Oh, no. We had lots of cheerleaders. My parents taught me Dave ramsey all growing up so from ever since i was little i remember listening to you and um they live your principles and so it was very much just natural for me to also do that as well so wow yep my my mom she's always encouraging me uh you guys are doing great and then one thing my dad he told me when i was a

teenager young guy he said you know i'm never i'm not going to give you anything but i will help you fix whatever you bring uh to me he's a decent mechanic and he's also done carpentry so i've taken that to i've taken advantage of him a lot good like hundreds of thousands of dollars just he's helped me fix up the house helped me fix equipment so yeah that's for him well that's a good way to give that's awesome very cool and he's participating and you're doing smart stuff yeah so uh so you know sadie's a financial peace baby and your mom and dad are larry burkett followers and larry was in a sense one of my mentors and it was a friend before he passed.

So pretty cool stuff there. It's a one-two punch. I love it. Very well done. Good job, you guys. Great work. Great work. All right.

We have a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires for you. That is the next chapter in your story to be millionaires for sure. You're well on your way, $350,000 paid for house. That's the direction you're going without a doubt and um also a copy of total money makeover for you to give to someone and help them get on their journey and you brought the kiddo with you what's the name and age this is recent and uh he's a year and a half all right and we also have one on the way all right very good very good have we done a gender reveal yet do we we know what it is? We don't know quite yet. Only two more weeks. Oh, okay.

Cool. Very good. Well, congratulations, you guys. What a great life you've got. What a great life you've built for yourselves. I'm proud of you. Very well done. Levi and Sadie in Reeson, Wyoming.

$64,000 paid off in four years and six months, making $36,000 to $48,000 a year. A paid-for house and everything at 32 years old worth $350,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. A debt-free scream!

Oh, my God. Yeah! Woo! might need to buy a new mic after that he might have blown it out and reason never flinched not a bit it's a real man i love his family that's incredible you gotta love this is proof more is caught than taught both of their parents decided to live by these principles and they saw that happen and they went i want to do that that's a good way to live we are really uh reaching the point that we're seeing anecdotally and i guess we need to quantify these these second and even third generation followers of these principles that needs to be our next study my grandma and dad my grandma did dave ramsey that's next our did ramsey That'll make you feel real old, though. Well, I'm already old. My great granddad did Dave Ramsey.

Too late. I'm there. My great granddad. No, he didn't. He's not. I'm not. Back in the 60s, he was listening to you, Dave. Yeah.

That's what it's going to be. Well, now the 2000s are vintage to this generation. So that's scary. Well, depends on the generation. But you're right. You're right. But it's cool to see. I think we should do a study on this as we get more of these financial peace babies.

Well, that's how these baby step millionaires are happening. Yeah. Is these guys are starting at this age, and now, I mean, we didn't ask in their case, but a lot of these people with doing a debt-free screen, whether they're 30s, 40s, 50s, when they pay off their home, that usually, if you combine it with their retirement account, makes them have a net worth of over a million dollars, And they baby-step their way into being a millionaire. Yeah. And that's how the whole Baby Steps Millionaires project was unfolded.

Imagine kids in their 20s avoiding college debt, paying off their homes in their 30s, becoming Baby Steps Millionaires in their 40s. And they have 40, 50 years to live and give like no one else. Well, and that million will become 10, maybe 20 million over that other next few decades. We could change the world, man. That's cool. We really can. And create a generosity movement like never before. We could all give so much that we could make the government irrelevant.

Oh, come on. Let's go. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. George Campbell Ramsey personality is my co-host this hour. Open phones at 888-825-5225. James is with us in Louisiana. Hi, James. Welcome to the show. Hey, Dave.

Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? The job I'm currently working at is a construction site. We're building a power plant, and the job is going to be over in the summertime, like June or July, August, something like that. And so I found your book and everything about a week or so ago,

and I paid a credit card down to about $700 and then stopped and started thinking, maybe I should be saving my money. Um, just in case, uh, something happens and I don't find another job before this job. Uh,

and so I was calling to see what you thought is, you think I should keep paying debt now or stop and save money until I find another job? What do you make, James? Uh, I make about 70,000 a year. Awesome. $5,000 in student loans, $9,000 in a car loan. Okay. And what are the chances you're saying that this could all come to an end in the summertime? How likely is that to happen? It is going to come to an end.

For sure. It's very likely. It's one of those, they build the plan and then it's done. Last time this happened, how long did it take you to get a job? A couple of months. That was a few years ago. What do you do? Last job, I swapped directly.

I am an IT guy. IT? Yes. What does an IT guy do on a construction site? Help me with that. Well, there's a group of individuals that are not computer savvy. And so I help them out with their computer issues and things of that nature and their phones and everything like that. So you could be an IT guy anywhere?

Definitely. It's not construction-related necessarily. It's IT-related. Correct, yes. Yes, sir. Okay. Would you want a salaried position that's full-time somewhere? Yeah, that would, I mean...

Why don't you go ahead and look for a job now? Yeah, what's the harm in just starting to look? No, I've definitely been looking for a few months. How much money do you have in savings? About $1,500. Okay. few months how much money do you have uh in savings uh about fifteen hundred dollars okay so we got baby step one here but i used it yeah well i used some of it to pay down one of the credit cards so all right so the answer the answer to your question is you have a storm coming and you're saying how much how much food do I set back for this hurricane that's coming, right? And how much is it going to take to survive it?

Well, what we have is we have a predicted storm. Sometimes they come, sometimes they don't. We know that. So what I would do is I would stop everything. I'd pay off that little $700 card and cut that up. But after that, I'd start piling up cash and then go get a job. When you get a job the storm has passed you know because it's the uncertainty the risk is over right so go get a job now you

don't have to wait till august is there some kind of big payout at the end no um the main thing is i about a year ago i went and got a degree i went, I went and got a degree. I went back to school and got a degree in a different field. So I'm really trying to swap to that field. Oh, what's that field? Start that career out. It's like a production, like an operator. The people that work at the plant and make whatever products. Usually at a refinery, making plastics and silica and stuff like that.

So you want to move into that field instead of IT. Have you looked into those jobs in your area, or would you have to move? Yes. There's jobs all around here. It's just a matter of what I've been doing, applying, and going on interviews. Good. Okay, so the answer to your question is pile up money until you get this job situation solved. Okay.

You've got to have the new job going forward, because until then we have a potential hole in August that you could fall into. But if you figure it out before August and you get the new job, then don't wait. Take all of that money and start working the baby steps. Okay. And go get the job. Don't screw around.

Wait on August. It'll be here in about 30 seconds. I want you to have a fire under your feet. Oh, I do. Okay. I've dealt with it before where I had no job and got laid off, and it's not very much fun. Yeah, it's less than fun.

So let's pile up as much cash as we can and get the new job and then take that cash and start your debt snowball with that. Push play on your total money makeover baby steps at that point. But that's exactly what you do. Hold on. We're going to give you a copy of Ken Coleman's new book, From Paycheck to Purpose. It's got some real insights on helping you land the job of your dreams, the career of your dreams, and it'll help.

So hang on. We'll have that sent to you. Bear is with us in Seattle. Hi, Bear. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you, sir. How are you guys doing today? Better than I deserve, man.

What's up? Not much. I've got a little situation with my wife trying to get our finances straightened out. Just to be honest, I've been... Sorry, Bear, speak directly to your phone for us. We're having a hard time hearing you. Is this all right? That's better.

We'll try and get it to go. Sorry. Just getting my baby set up with some snacks. I have been overly controlling with her finances in the past. It may have caused her a little bit of financial trauma just from, I know she's a very anxious person, so I tried to help by taking money out of her concerns, but I don't think that helped at all. And we missed her in the show for a little bit.

Obviously, secrets is not a good thing. And I think laying out a budget and having her, you know, contribute towards that is the best way to do it. But I got the free, you know, every dollar app and try to set up a budget with her, but she's kind of zoned out and didn't want to listen to or contribute to the

financial conversation. And I'm curious where to go from there. So she's anxious about the finances, but she doesn't want to look at it either? Yeah, and I think that's where probably my history hasn't helped out with a lot of this. How much of this is the trauma from you controlling it and she's going, hey, I don't want to deal with this guy? Well, I don't think she doesn't want to deal with me. She's got a lot on her plate. We're coming out of a real tough season.

What's the other stuff? She's in nursing school, so she's doing that full time. We don't have public child care, so I am working night. So we just don't see each other a lot. We're both working like 80 hours weeks. So it feels like, um, well, have you guys talked about your,

your financial goals together? A little bit. The only thing I didn't know that she really aspires to is building a house. Um, someday. And so that's kind of what I was trying to set up. Um, I just honestly not sure how to get there from where we're at.

Um, last year she was, um, yeah. So that's the biggest thing we're focused on pulling that out we should have it done in a couple months um we got credit cards get free and the last thing is our student loan we got about seven thousand dollars on that and we should be able to get that cleared in the next several months. Okay. Let me tell you, you've got to separate the distractions. You can turn off a stinking television, put the kid to bed, and the two of you sit down together quietly and set some goals,

and you draw her into the conversation with questions rather than statements and just say, all right, honey, how do you think we're going to get there? What do you think we ought to do about this? We're not going to do this anymore without your vote counting as much as my vote counts. I know I've been controlling in the past and I know you've been absent in the past. Neither one of us are going to do that anymore. We're both going to be here as two grownups. We're going to sit here calmly and maturely and we're going to make decisions about our future, and we both have a vote. If you guys can't pull that conversation off, you don't have a money or a budgeting problem. You have a marriage problem that you'll need to

sit down with a marriage counselor. That's what's going on. And Bear, I want to give you guys a Ramsey Plus subscription for a year. Go through the Financial Peace University videos, and we'll give you every dollar plus, which will connect to your bank. Hopefully that gets you guys on the path. Both of you. Together. Go through them together. You've done enough separate already. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books.

Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.