The Ramsey Show - App - I’ve Hit Rock Bottom & Don’t Know What To Do (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Dr. John Delony & Rachel Cruze discuss: Being sued by a credit card company, Pausing investing to pay off debt, Being desperate and scared going through a divorce. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good friend Rachel Cruz, and we are taking your calls on life and money and relationships, whatever's going on in your world.

Give us a shout, 888-825-5225. Toll-free, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Randall in St. Louis, Missouri. What's up, Randall? In 2019, I went into credit card debt and 2020 hit. Went out of work for a while, let all my credit cards lapse on me. Now I'm being sued by my credit card company and I need you guys' wisdom on what to do. How much do you owe, man? Altogether, about $17,000. For this particular credit card, $6,000.

Are the other ones going to be suing you in short order, or are you current with them? The other two are in collections. This one is the actual credit card company decided to sue me. Okay. How much money do you have? Yeah. I can get a hold of about $2,000. That's the max I have right now.

Okay. Dude, the way you said, are you going to murder somebody? How are you going to get $2,000? The way you just said that, I can get a hold of it. My family understands that i just started the baby steps and they're willing to help me cover this if i can get them to settle it's the most that they'll be able to help me with though because my sister just had a big financial issue herself so okay my mother wanted to help us both out of it okay Okay. Randall, how much money do you make a year?

I make a little over $13 an hour. What do you do? But I work full time. I'm a gas station attendant. I'm also going to college. Okay. What are you studying? Accounting, ironically enough.

Accounting, huh? All right. How are you paying for school, Randall? I took out student loans at the start, but when I first found out about Dave Ramsey, I stopped taking out student loans and I've been barely scraping together enough each semester to be able to cover up a pocket. Okay. Okay. Have you paid, where are you at for this semester? Have you already paid for the full total or are you paying in increments for this semester? I have three payments total. I've paid two of them for the semester. I have one in November. One in November. Okay. Um, okay. I don't, I, here's my, here's my knee jerk reaction, Randall. Um, the money from your mom, is this just a gift that she has surplus and she just says, I want to be able to help you or are you expected to pay this thousand dollars back to her?

I would have to pay it back and that would be a family loan yeah she needs help out at property so she wants me to work it off instead of actually paying her sure sure okay here's the deal randall it's six thousand dollars which i know is a lot okay that's a lot but it's not sixty thousand dollars so you have a thousand dollars to your name you could get another thousand from your mom as a loan uh you're going to school you have there's a lot of stuff happening here and you get paid thirteen dollars an hour where you're at which is drastically under what you could there's a lot of places that are 20 25 an hour So here's what I would

do if I were you, Randall, because how old are you? I am 26. I ran into near homelessness right after high school. Yeah. So it took me a long time to get back on track to where most people start at right out of high school sure absolutely yeah you've had a hard road this is a lot but i i have confidence in you randall and i have confidence in the numbers that i'm seeing so i would keep your thousand dollars as an emergency fund and then i would go and i would uber drive for uber I would work night shifts somewhere. I mean, I would go crazy, work like you've never worked before with a minimum of saying 20 an hour or whatever it is. Because there's a lot of places that are hiring for much higher than what you're doing. And I just think

if you get your income up over a period of time, you're going to be able to pay this off. And I would call the credit card company and say, hey, I got, you know, I got 500 bucks to my name and you're not going to get anything. So either we settle this and we get on a payment plan and you get that in writing to be able to knock out a bunch of this really quickly with a lot of work. And that's the road I want to take because I think, Randall, for you, there's going to be something in this process for you that's going to give a sense of dignity. And I think that going into debt with your mom, all of these things, they sound good in the short term, but I think you have the ability to fix this, Randall. I really do. Randall, here's a question I want to ask you, brother. Are you tired?

No, very much. Like, this has to be old. Like, your sister's gone through this. You've gone through this. You're almost homeless. You and I could probably talk for a couple hours over some nachos. You had a rough go of it as a middle school, high schooler. Is that fair?

Yeah. Yeah. You're 26. You had a rough go of it as a middle school, high schooler. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah. You're 26, you're 27. Are you just tired? Yes, very tired. Okay. Here's the thing. Rachel just laid it out beautifully for you. This isn't the moment to go cut corners and to put your mother and your relationship at risk by making it a financial transaction. Now don't do that. Stand up tall, call that number back that where they're suing you. And you can say, I'm coming back from homelessness. I'm working at a gas station. I'm in school. Like Rachel said,

you can sue me. I got nothing for you. You can put me on a payment plan at this percentage rate and send me a thing in writing and I'll settle for $1,000 or $2,000. That's what I can do. And no, the other ones are coming too. Right? And then for

the next 24 months, man, I want you to work like you've never worked before. Can you do that? Yeah. Let me say this. I know you can. Will you? Yes. I plan on getting out of all these debts. This is something that has weighed very heavily up in the last few years. Excellent. There's nobody in your corner more than Rachel and I.

And Randall, we see so often, I can't tell you how many stories of this moment in people's lives, and we kind of call it the sick and tired moment. And this is yours, where you're like, I'm getting sued by this credit card company. I have these lingering things. I feel like I just can't get ahead. It's just this, it's one after the next of not feeling like, what am I doing? I've had it. What I've been, what I have done up until this point is

not working. I have to change. And this is your moment, Randall. This is it. So hold on the line. Austin's going to pick up. We're going to send you both a copy of Total Money Makeover, Dave's book, Starts the Baby Steps, and a year subscription to Financial Peace University. And I want you to have every dollar of the budgeting app. So those three things together, I'm going to send them on your past, change your future. We're giving you a ton of stuff, Randall,

because we believe in you. You can do this. This is your moment, Randall. This is your moment to say no more, no more. You've got this. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី 888-8255-2255 This is the Ramsey Show.

And during the last break, we were joined by a guest. I snuck in here. The one and only George Campbell. What's up, man? This feels like what SportsCenter would be like. Like the three of us hanging out, talking about the big game. It would be if you knew what sports were. John, I've seen a sport before.

I can be Samantha Ponder on the desk with a bunch of guys. Don't know who that is. ESPN reporter? She's wonderful. I should probably watch that channel. Do you know what ESPN

stands for, George? Oh, dear. What does it stand for? Is this what the entire show has been like so far? No. Well, we were crushing it before you showed up.

Wait, seriously. What is it? Excellent Sports something Network? Excellent Sports Person Network? Yep. Good job, Rachel.

Okay, soorge is joining us i don't know if we've had a there's a big reason person co-host thing in a while has that ever happened has this ever happened are we making history we've had we've had three in there you're not special sorry sorry i was trying to claim it well we're here to celebrate rachel we are because george and i have have launched a new podcast called Smart Money Happy Hour. That's right. So this is something that we've been talking about for probably over a year now. It's been a long time. Is the conversations we have off mic sometimes are the most fun we have. And so we decided to just have them on mic. And so this is a podcast about money, pop culture. It's entertaining. It's casual. It's

just two friends who happen to be money experts armed with a drink in money, pop culture. It's entertaining. It's casual. It's just two friends who happen to be money experts armed with a drink in hand having the conversations you wish you were having with your friends. That's right. So we're going to be that. John's always saying find friends. And we cheers every episode. Did you like that, John? I did. Did you miss out? I like being right in the middle of it. Did you want a glass to cheers?

While y'all are talking about the Queen's finances, I'll just be at home out in the woods. It's just cool. I'll just enjoy at home out in the woods It's just cool I'll just enjoy the podcast Okay so we're going to give a little bit of a sample of it Yeah we have a clip This feels like a late night show It does

So this is a segment that we're going to do every episode Where it's called Guilty as Charged So our producer Lindsay throws out a scenario And we have to be honest It's like are we guilty are we not And all of you out there get to answer for yourselves as well. So we'll play that. Check it out.

All right, George, it's time for our last segment, Guilty as Charged. Wow. Okay, this is where our producer, Lindsay, comes up with a question. Maybe it's incriminating. We don't know. It's borderline ethical. I'm fairly nervous about it. And if we have done this, we got to take a drink.

Okay. What's the question for today, Lindsay? Have you ever fudged the numbers on your budget to feel better? Ooh. Yes. 100%. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Rachel's cooking the books all the time. Last month, grocery and restaurants were, I don't know what we were doing. I literally look at him like, I don't know how we spent that much on food. But we did. But I just upped it a little bit. And you know what I did, George? What'd you do? This is probably very guilty.

You took it away from the kids? I took it. Oh, no. The dog didn't eat, but Rachel got to eat it. I have thrown a nail salon transaction into Amelia's category. I've done that before. Just threw it right in because I thought she loves nails. Without her consent.

Without her consent, yep. Oh, my goodness. No, I took it out of our, like we have a savings line item that will save extra income. And I lowered it by a few hundred bucks to finish out the food category of the month. So I took it out. I didn't even go and take it out of miscellaneous that had like extra money in it. I was like, I don't want to move any categories this month.

So I'm taking it out of our savings. And threw poor little Amelia under the bus. I did put a nail salon transaction in hers. When you get to heaven. How about you? Have you fudged the budget? At the pearly gates, they're going to be like, Rachel, we got to talk about it.

Before you come in here, we got to talk about that time. Oh, boy. They didn't play yours. They're me under the bus. No, no. I made sure of that, Rachel. Oh, my gosh.

You don't have all day. You're not a very good person, Rachel. Wow. Oh, my gosh. You were guilty too, George. I didn't hear that at all. Because they clipped it. They stopped the clip.

The evidence would suggest that you're the one. That's what we call a tease in the industry. If you want to hear my side, you can go listen to Smart Money Happy Hour. Yeah, Rachel steals from her kids. George steals from his two little French bulldogs. Poodle, whatever those things are. They don't know the difference. Listen, so here's the deal. If you like

this show, I think you're going to like Smart Money Happy Hour. This is fun, casual money advice because money can be stuffy and boring and stressful and no one wants to talk about it and we're willing to have those conversations and make it fun so if it sounds like something you're interested in go check out smart money happy hour you can subscribe new episodes drop every single thursday the first two are out right now i'll tell you the titles and see if you know john let's see if this what's your whistle is convenience culture worth being broke?

I would say no. Well, you have to find out the answer. Go ahead. It's not for you to answer. It's rhetorical. The next one is the TV network that brainwashed us all. Can you guess what TV network it is? MTV.

No. HGTV. Yes. John. Nailed it. He's like our audience. I'm like your audience. John is the target demo. You are a target demo. I've never been a target demo before. That's fantastic. You are. You're welcome. Nailed it. He's like our audience. I'm like your audience. John is the target demo. You are a target demo.

I've never been a target demo before. That's fantastic. You are. You're welcome. That's pretty cool. So we've been seeing a lot of feedback already, Rachel, and people are really enjoying this. We honestly weren't sure how people would react.

Yeah, because we want to educate, so there's a point to all of the podcasts, but also it's like we could have a little bit of fun too. Yes. It doesn't have to be all just like educate okay give me something you've been talking about on the show like you just tease the titles well we talk about convenience culture so a lot of trends out there with technology social media amazon google and how it's affecting us psychologically listen to you of course she does i know i know. I know. So we talk about that. Do you have Alexa? Yeah, I do. I know. I know. I'm the biggest conspiracy theorist and I have it. I know. The government

is just listening to very unimportant conversations in the Cruz household is what's happening. Here's my thing. They're important. The government isn't great at almost anything. So the fact that they have this technology and they're all sitting around listening to us, I just I don't buy it. Nope. They just keep it on a reel somewhere just in case.

Yeah, and in 30 years when we're on trial for who knows what. No, Rachel's like, I'm running for office. And they're like, she'll do what we say. I'm convinced that every person who makes the final list of a campaign of any significance gets called into a room. Well, what's hard about Alexa is she does listen. And then it's attached to Amazon. So they're like, oh, we know what you need and what to buy

and then your app, suddenly all the algorithms so it makes you buy more. It's unbelievable. So that's what we talk about. We rabbit trail into how it affects your money. What that just was,

that is Smart Money Happy Hour. What we just did right there is great. You love it, John. You don't like it. You love it. Yeah, no, it's a fascinating conversation.

I would just say like, well, you just don't have Alexa. Near, near end of episode. You'd be a terrible. You love it. Yeah, no, it's a fascinating conversation. I would just say like, well, you just don't have Alexa. Near, near end of episode. You'd be a terrible podcast host, John. Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to also be launching a podcast called Sad Minute, where I just say, don't buy Alexa. That's actually a good idea. I would listen to that.

That'd be the follow-up to Happy Hour. So we do that. I'm really excited about this. This is fun. And then the other episode that's out is HGTV. And we just talk about our homes and- HGTV, I'm the worst. How great they are.

What? You're the worst with it? I am the worst. Do you love HGTV, John? With all of my heart. That's a guilty pleasure. It's a guilty pleasure. You should be a guest on the podcast.

I watch it and I'm like, I could do that. I could do that. I could do that. And I've got 400 unfinished projects. Yes. Half of a marriage left. And how much money you spent on half of it done I know it sucks shit we'll see if we can book you on the podcast John

the list is long it's Ken Coleman right now so it's a long list but we have a lot of fun and of course we do have a drink in every episode sometimes it's a mocktail and we rate the drink we tell you what's in it and how expensive it is and we give it a rating and so it's a quick piece of the podcast but it makes it more fun we just wanted an inviting environment you can talk about money and send it to your friends who may not listen to you know a few hours of the ramsey show or some of these other shows it's just like a little starting point for your friends that don't know what we're all about because money it is it's a thread in every area of life so whether it's the royals we can talk about that that That's true. Our houses, everything.

Like everything we do. We're going to do one on tipping culture, which is very stressful for me. Can I tell you, I believe deeply in over tipping. Wow. With all of my heart. Mr. Generous. Are you trying to sell to get on that episode? No, no, I'm just telling you. I have a firm commitment to, I

think one of the greatest ways you can honor people is just tip like crazy. Wow. I agree. Okay, well, it's going to be a very combative episode. Hey, do you tip when you go to buy food or anything and they have the little thing, they give you your to-go, you slide your debit card in,

and then it says tip? I'm insecure. Oh! Well, you don't tell me twice, John. Break you. I'm insecure. What do you do? Sometimes, if you're not doing anything, if you're not adding any, if you're not, if I'm

not buying the thing and your service, then no. But if I am buying the service with this, then yes. That's a fair point. We might steal your information and put it on the next episode of Smart Money Happy Hour. Well, it is, it's skyrocketing in the charts. And so go check it out. Smart Money Happy Hour. Two episodes it's skyrocketing in the charts. And so go check it out. Smart Money Happy Hour. Two episodes drop today.

New episodes every single Thursday. Go listen, follow, subscribe to Smart Money Happy Hour wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with friends. It's been a fun day and it will continue to be. That's right, George. Thanks for coming on. Cheers. Grab a drink.

Hang out with your friends. Smart Money Happy Hour. We'll be right back Hey guys, so we've all got things that we want out of life with our money, our relationships, our spiritual walk, but those results only happen when we're intentional with them, when we do things on purpose and we really can start to see things change. So let's be honest, we don't always get the results we want because we don't have the right tools, the right motivation. So that's why I am so pumped about the new 2023 Ramsey Goal Planner. So we took all your suggestions from the last Goal Planner.

And we have made a new one for this year. And we are so pumped about it. So it is on sale now and within it it has i mean well on it's a gorgeous beautiful cover me and george designed do y'all see that that's right we hand did the gold foil it's beautiful we gold foiled it and john george and myself have content all through here uh on your spiritual walk on your financial life, and when it comes to your relationship. So there's good content in it, and it also is just going to help you stay organized.

If you love a goal planner, this one's for you. And some people are at people. Cool, this isn't for you. But my wife is a big, are you a goal planner? Are you a planner person? I'm a calendar person. Calendar person. Just calendar.

Yeah. My wife carries something around that's like the size of an old phone book yeah exactly I've never had a great goal planner like this one so today's gonna be

my year John so John you and I have talked about goals I created like 38 goals in every area of life and then I would fail at 36 of them 37 of them

yeah exactly but this one it makes it very clear we have our goal teaching inside of this and it makes it easy to take the next step each day with the teaching so i'm excited to use it and be encouraged by youtube yep so you can get it at ramsey solutions.com slash planner today it's beautiful

it's wonderful great content in there it's everything you need and a great goal great gift yes all right let's go to john in detroit rock city what's up john hi how are you doing good my. What's up, John? Hi, how are you doing? Good, my man. What's up? So I just found out about you guys recently. I saw you scrolling through my Facebook news feed. The show started popping up.

So I thought I'd ask, since I saw one of Dave's posts about the seven baby steps, I'm thinking about not contributing as much to my retirement so I can get out of debt, and I'm wondering how much debt I should pay off before I start contributing to my retirement, and how much should I stop contributing to get out of debt. Well, first, let me welcome you to our gang, man.

You're joining millions of people who've decided, I'm done living like I was living. I want something more for my life, so congratulations, man. You're joining millions of people who've decided, I'm done living like I was living. I want something more for my life. So congratulations, man. Hey, we held George over. We kept him in the studio. We locked the door so he couldn't leave. And this is a great question

for both of y'all to walk our friend John through. My take on this, John, is you're joining a weird gang, which means we're doing weird things that don't make sense culturally. They don't make sense on paper, but they make sense emotionally for my behavior change. So how much are you investing right now?

What percentage? Currently, going into my pre-tax is 18%. My employer is contributing 8%. So they will contribute 4%, whether I put in a penny or I don't put in anything at all. Wow. It's incredible. And then they do a 4% match. And you're doing 18 of yours, of your income? Yes. Okay. And on top of that, I also contribute 500 a month to my IRA. Okay. John, I'm just like a... I backed out my health savings account every year as well. Okay. So on a rough estimate,

how much money is that 18% for you per month just for math sake? Uh, so that 18%, it's the, uh, 4% I put in is roughly 270 a month. And the additional percentage that I put in is about $912,000 a month. Okay, nice. What do you make a year? $79,000 and change. What's your total debt load? How much do you owe?

Everything. Everything. So I've got $177,000 on my mortgage. I've got about $34,000 in a home equity loan, and I've got about $7,800 in credit card debt. I've got no vehicle payments, no student loan payments. Those are it right there, along with just my mortgage and my utilities and vehicle maintenance, whatever else comes up. How much do you have in the bank in cash, liquid? Liquid, so in one account, I've got about $400.

I've got about $400 in cash. Another account, I've got about $2,400. And then there's all my retirement savings. So you don't have much cash. And I've got about $3,500 in stock markets. Okay. You've got a lot going on. You're doing about 17 things at once, and you're doing some great things.

But what we teach is in order with focused intensity, and that's the baby steps. So we would say while you're paying off consumer debt, so ignore the mortgage for now, we are going to pause investing down to zero for a short period of time. Because guess what? That frees up $1,500 a month that you were throwing towards investments are now going to clean up this pile of debt. So what George is walking you through is, I'm going to pause right here. I know, we know that sounds insane, John. Okay. Everyone has told you since you were a little kid that they made up some Einstein quote that probably wasn't real. That if you just put a dollar in every day, you're going to be a

billionaire when you're, you've been hearing that since you were a child right and so you're doing the right thing but by by focusing on retirement it feels so good like you're getting ahead and you're smart and you're making good money hear me very clearly you are at risk you're broke you owe a whole bunch of money okay so we're going to clean that nonsense up. And so when George says stop, stop, your first thought is, I'm just giving away free money. I'm going to get a match.

Just stop. You're broke. You're broke. You're broke. Let's clean this debt up so we can get back on top of it. What's the interest rate on that credit card? The credit card,

I don't remember the percentage interest rate i know like on my last statement that i just looked at earlier today i paid like 200 in interest ouch my guess is probably 20 plus in interest every single likely so john here's kind of the radical thing that what we talk about is that that we have a culture of doing exactly what you're doing. Okay, so you're doing 18 different things. You're taking your paycheck and you're trying to do it all at once. And there is something powerful when you have focused intensity on one thing, one thing only. And so that's what we teach when we say the first three baby steps. So we said $1,000 emergency fund, which you have.

Baby step two, when you're doing and getting out of debt stopping everything and every penny that you have is going towards this debt to get this momentum and that means even i would cash out what you have in stocks because it's not within retirement so i would do that and and all this yeah not even it was like 15 1700 bucks a month that you could have all this credit card debt just cleaned up in three to four months if you really get on it and you maybe even take a second job. And then that $34,000 HELOC that you have, you could get that knocked out, John, here in the next nine to 12 months. So there's just something powerful to put a plan on paper

to say, wow, what if I had no payments, that this credit card debt isn't hanging over my head? This HELOC that I have over here that I know is there and I'm kind of paying on it. Like all of that's gone. All of that could be gone in 12 to 14 months, depending on how intense you get with this. And so the power of not having those payments, not only mathematically freeze up your income but also just the amount which we talk about a lot here is just like the emotional freeze up your soul just like sleeping john be like i don't sleeping at night and just i have i have no one to pay yeah i have no one to pay there's such freedom in that and so walking that through is is so important so

like what george said at the beginning of the call, it's weird. This is weird advice. It's not probably what your Econ 101 professor would say. But also, this is the plan millions of people have done because money is such a small percentage when it comes just to the math. The bulk of personal finance is your behavior change. It is your behavior and what you do with money and getting these wins, John, under your belt

for maybe the first time in your life changes course and changes the way that you view money. So if you hold on the line, Austin is going to pick up and give you Financial Peace University. I've been giving this away. I feel like the whole show because it is the most powerful nine lesson course, John, for you to walk through. And if you are married, if you have family, do it. Do it all together and do this plan because there's something powerful about having the freedom of not having payments. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី this is the Ramsey show let's go out to Tim in Oklahoma City.

Hey, Tim, what's up, man? Hello. What's up? I'm 53 years old. I'm going through a divorce. And I spent the last couple years as a stay-at-home dad homeschooling my son. And I really don't have anything. I mean, the baby steps is definitely why I met I wish I'd have known about all this sooner in life but I didn't have parents my mom taught us

to cocaine and lose and my dad taught us to fight and booze and now I'm going through a divorce. My wife's trajectory is going out of the roof. She gets a lot of Facebook attention and Instagram attention, and that is a contributing factor. But I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm scared. I'm 53 years old and I'm scared. I have zero. I'm sorry, man. It's not your fault. I know, but you're my brother and I mean, my parents have some blame, but they don't.

They've never been parents. They did the best they could do and it was really terrible. My dad tried to throw me through a party glass window when I was three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know. Hold on, hold on.

Hold on. The moment it hurts, you start deflecting and wanting to go backwards, you want to go forwards, you want to talk about them, you want to talk about someone else. You got to just sit in it for a second, okay? It hurts. Because out of this hurt right here we call it grief out of this comes that scary terrifying question what are you going to do next exactly okay and i think with all my heart um you've got childhood traumas that are killing you from the inside out.

I have no doubt about that. Yeah. I bet you've got regrets with your kids. You have kids? I do. I have a 36-year-old daughter, a 24-year-old daughter, and a 7-year-old son. Different parents, different mothers. Okay.

You've had a long road, right? Yeah, I'm tired. There you go. Tired. I can hear it in you, man. I'm so tired. I can hear it in you. I don't know what to do.

I mean, like I said, I'm 53. It's literally starting over. I'm frozen out of the bank account. I live day to day on just trying to get by, actually, you know. Yep. And, you know, my body's broken. I can't do construction like I did. I live in a rural community, the largest metropolitan city.

I don't live in Oklahoma City, per se. I live outside of Oklahoma City. It's an hour and a half away. Okay. Are you ready for everything to be different? Yeah, I've been chasing different my whole life, and every time I do it wrong. Okay.

Who's somebody you can call right now that's a friend, an old friend, somebody you can call right now that's a friend an old friend somebody you trust i mean i do but i i don't no no no you do you don't want to i don't want anyone to know how bad it is and you know what that is that's shame my brother and that will kill you i have a lifetime of it i know secrets will kill you you know if you to say I have a lifetime of it. I know. Secrets will kill you. You know, if you look at Facebook, I don't know. You know what, dude?

Hey, I could care less about Facebook. I could care less about Facebook. It's a fantasy. It's not real. Could care less about Facebook, Instagram, all that crap. Could care less. You need a real friend in your life that you can look at and say, I don't know what to do next. And the moment you say that in the presence of somebody life that you can look at and say, I don't know what to do next.

And the moment you say that in the presence of somebody else that you love and trust, you will feel lighter than you have felt in 30 years. I have. I've reached out and I get the... I mean, people love me, but they don't know how to help me.

Okay. It's got to be a both and. Okay. You need to sit be a both and. Okay. You need to sit down with someone and say, I need help making a plan, whether that's a pastor, whether that's a local counselor at a community counseling center that's not going to charge you anything, whether that's a friend that you trust that owns a business that you have a sketchy past with because you've messed them over a few times.

I've not ever done that. I know. Hey, I'm just putting it out there, brother. I'm on your team. I'm just saying the time for ego and the time for pride. I helped people when I couldn't even help myself. It's left the building. And you happen to have hit the bottom in the single greatest job economy in the history of this country.

And now's the time to go to Taco Bell. Now's the time to go work at Arby's. Now's the time to go do... No, I agree. I agree. I'm just so far away. And then, like... I have Joy Cassidy and my son, so every other day, you know, and I don't have a support group

like she does. She has her parents. Tim. Tim. You're gonna have to make some short-term sacrifices to turn your thing around. I don't want to abandon my son. I know. But in an effort to not, quote-unquote, abandon him,

you're going to drown yourself. In six months of going to get yourself financially stable, getting a place to live, getting a job or two jobs or three jobs, getting some, not respect from your community, but respect from that guy you see in the mirror. Cause you don't like that guy.

Getting some respect back from that guy is going to come back and you're going to be six inches taller with that little boy. Mentally. I need my son though, because I don't, Nope. Nope, I don't have anybody else. And I feel, I already feel like he, he aligns with his mom and he pulls away. And when the days he pulls away, I almost can't deal with it because like, I can't go into how bad it was for me.

I tried my whole life to get my love from my mother and she's been nothing but cruel. I was suicidal at one time and you know, she didn't care. And then, you know, sometimes you just want that parent to say, Hey, and I'm never, I'm never going to get that. Okay. I don't want to do that to my son. Tim, where are you living right now? Right now in a marital house until she's at her parents. Is that a month from now? How far away until you don't have a place to live anymore?

A couple of, probably about a week. Okay. So that is our A1. We've got to have somewhere to live. You're not going to be homeless. You've got to take care of your son. We've got to put food on the table. Do you have any bills that you have to pay?

Any debt? I let my truck go back. I have no debt. I have no debt. How much money do you have in the bank? Nothing. Zero dollars? Zero dollars.

Okay. Then we've got to go to work today. And we've got to find a local community, a local church. And we've got to let them know that you are not doing well and that you need some help right now and see what they can do for you. That might be a roof over your head. That might be a meal. But you've got to stop living alone, and you can't put this on your son.

No, I agree. Hey, Tim, listen to me. I'm in a group of 100 people. I'm alone. Tim, do you abuse your son? No, hell no. Okay, listen, listen, listen. In a group of 100 people, I'm alone. Tim, do you abuse your son? No, hell no. Okay, listen, listen, listen. Do you abandon your son?

I feel like I'm going to have to in order to get on my feet. There is nothing similar about you and your mom. There is nothing. No, she did things on purpose. Hold on, hold on. Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. You are not your mom. You are not your mom. You are not your dad.

Your separation from your son for six months to go somewhere where you can actually get work and get yourself straightened out, get yourself some counseling that you need, is not abandonment. That's called love. Don't tell me that people who go on deployment are abandoning their kids or people who go to rehab for 30 days or 60 days or 90 days or six months are abandoning their kids. They're not. Because getting yourself, Tim, in the most stable, healthiest position, emotionally, financially, all of this, that is the biggest gift you can

give to your son. Because when you are, you know, even the conversation we're having right now, the kind of the back and forth, I mean, I hear the pain. I hear the pain in your voice and the story that you've been through. I can't even imagine. And the best thing you can do, Tim, for your son,

the biggest gift you can give him is a healthy dad. A dad that is supporting himself. It's not going to be the luxury life on Facebook like you're comparing it to. None of that. Cut all that out. But to have a dad who is stable and can love him well with a full, healthy heart, that is the biggest gift you can give him, Tim. So you're not abandoning him. You're doing something. You're giving him a gift by doing this. You can do it.

Call today and let some people know I'm not okay and I'm ready to go to work. We'll be right back. co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to ramseysolutions.com slash show.