The Ramsey Show - App - Love Your Adult Kids Enough to Give Ultimatums (Hour 1)

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. You jump in, we'll talk about your life, your money. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. The phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Fort Collins, Colorado starts off this hour.

Courtney is with us. Hey, Courtney, what's up? Thank you so much for taking my call, Dave. First of all, we are in a little bit of a predicament. We were in the middle of baby step one when my husband was in a car accident that totaled a police vehicle that I had. So we're dealing with all that and we know we now have to replace that vehicle. Our biggest issue is that my husband is pretty much a road warrior for work. So we put about 40,000 to 50,000 miles a year on a car with about 1,000 miles a week.

And we're just trying to figure out. I know you're going to tell me not to take a loan. We're trying to figure out our best option on how to get something that's going to be semi-reliable for the income. Right. Okay. I assume that the car lease is basically going to be paid from insurance and you're not going to get any net proceeds into your pocket, right? It's actually going to be about $1,000 to $1,500 upside down in it. Okay. So you at least got out of that mess.

Yeah. But then that leaves you with no money and no car right exactly and your household income is what uh it's about 75 000 a year it just increased to that cool and what is the car that you are driving um the car that i that we i'm currently driving or the car that was totaled no the one that you drive that was his car that was totaled well it was the one that you drive. That was his car that was totaled. Well, it was my car that he was driving that was totaled. Oh, okay. Then what's the other car?

The other car is a 2004 Dodge Ram 3500. Oh. That's normally his vehicle. But since he got this new job and started commuting, we didn't want to get a million miles on that. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Well, that's a good thought. Well, there's a couple things running through my head when you tell me your story,

and then we've just got to figure out how to solve it from here. The lease was how much? What was the balance on that that the insurance company is going to write the check for? Well, the balance on the lease was about $5,600, and the insurance company is going to be writing a check for about $4,000. Okay, that's not the payoff on the car. That was just the remaining number of payments. The payoff on the car was $5,600 for the lease. Really?

Yeah. You could have owned the car title for that. So it was a cheap car that was leased uh it was and i was stupid when i bought it um okay anyway all right let's let's back up then i doesn't it's not it doesn't really change anything but it's just an interesting factoid okay so two things to know number one and you probably heard me say this before when you're a road warrior whatever you're driving, you are destroying it. Whatever he's driving, he's destroying its value. Whatever you drive.

If you drive a $100,000 car, if you drive a $2,000 car, you destroy its value 50,000 miles a year. Yeah. And it's going to be worth nothing fast. So the trick is to destroy the cheapest car possible that will get the job done now get the job done in my mind is two things one is has to be reasonably comfortable this guy lives in his car so we're not putting him in a smart car okay i mean he'd be in a chiropractor right so we're gonna put him in a decent vehicle that's got a little leg room and a little metal around him and that kind of stuff

the second thing is it has to be reliable because he can't be out there broke down on the side of the road and get his job done exactly and so it has to be the that that's what i mean when i say the least car that will get the job done that's usually an eight or a ten thousand dollar car and you're going to buy a different and you're going to buy a new one a change you're going to not a new one you're going to sell that one, and you're going to buy a new one, a change. You're going to, not a new one. You're going to sell that one and get a different $10,000 car once a year. And just drive, put 50,000 miles on it and do it again. And it could be like a nice little Ford Taurus, a Honda Accord, a little SUV, the smaller versions, those kinds of things. I don't care. But something that's just very bland, you know, a Toyota Camry, that kind of a thing that's got a lot of life left in it,

and you're going to take most of its life, and then you're going to roll it every 12 to 18 months. Perfect. Now, so how are we going to get that $8,000 or $10,000? Well, you were about $8,000 or $10,000 in debt already on cars. If you go get a car loan for $8,000 or $10,000, put that in your debt snowball. You know, you're basically saying, I had a car loan, $8,000 or $10,000. Now I'm going to have a car loan, $8,000 or $10,000. This is a net.

You know, we're not going to use the fact that this car got totaled to go buy a $25,000 car. We're going to use the fact that about a $5,000 or a $10,000 car got totaled, and we're going to buy a $5,000 or a $10,000 car. We're going to use the fact that about a $5,000 or $10,000 car got totaled, and we're going to buy a $5,000 or $10,000 car. So we're not going further in debt, because I think the numbers you're giving me are not the actual payoff of the lease, because that car is more expensive than you totaled. It's not a $5,000 car. The market value on that car was considerably higher than that. So there's some number twist up

in what's going on with the insurance company. I don't care about that. I'm going to set that to the side. I'm going to call this about an even trade for you, $8,000 or $10,000 worth of debt for $8,000 or $10,000 worth of debt. Okay. Put it in your debt snowball and get rid of it as fast as you can. Now, this is not you had a $1, dollar car and you only needed a thousand dollar car to commute two miles to work and you went ten thousand dollars in debt to get you a nicer car that is not what this is this is an even swap for a road warrior to get his job done awesome you hear me not moving up right oh well you don't want to move up because we just we the payment that i had on this previous car i was i was taken really bad and didn't read the fine print.

And I was paying $424 a month for a 2003 Nissan Murano. Woo! Because I was trying to do the whole get around. Yeah, so this is a blessing. Because if he had run that car out with that lease with those miles on it, he wouldn't run his miles up out of the lease. You wouldn't run your miles up out of that lease and you'd have been surcharged out your ears yeah for being over on your miles when you turned it in so this has turned into a huge blessing really i'm glad hopefully no one was hurt and that way we can just call it a blessing

so i that's how i'm looking at it two things is whatever you drive you're destroying and the second thing is is we're going to do a break even a neutral deal here no new debt no extra debt no nicer car but we're also not going to try to put a guy i'm doing 50 000 miles a year in a two thousand dollar car and expect him to get home on the weekend it ain't gonna work so i mean you can do a hoopty around town but a hoopty with 50 000 miles a year is not gonna cut it uh so going to be, and I really would never have more than about a $15,000 car. If you've got $2 million in the bank and you're putting 50,000 miles a year on a car, you can have a nice one, but it has to be the one that sits in the driveway, your weekend driver.

And you're always going to have a $15,000, $10,000 car if you're worth $5 million. I mean, I would never, if I was putting that kind of miles on a car, put it on a nice car. Because you're destroying it. You're destroying the value of it. And, yes, you can put miles on a car and they survive. That's not the question. But you're just taking a $100,000 car and turning it into a $10,000 car in 20 minutes. So you just don't want to do that, folks.

And people do it on the road all the time. They do it in the name of business and rationalization and all this crap and just don't fall for that folks hey courtney thank you for calling in i hope that was helpful to you this is the dave ramsey show Why in the world would you trust some random guy in a cube when getting your mortgage? Do you really think he cares about your long-term money goals? Well, he doesn't. Those companies care about getting you into whatever money goals? Well, he doesn't. Those companies care about getting you into whatever home loan program they're pushing that week. When it comes to ordering a cheeseburger, the meal deal works fine. But let's get real,

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That's 888-LOAN-200 or visit churchillmortgage.com. This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLSconsumeraccess.org. Equal Housing Lender 761 Old Hickory Boulevard, Redwood, Tennessee 37027. Thanks for joining us, America. Laura is with us in Eugene, Oregon. Hi, Laura. How are you? Hi, Dave. I'm great. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can I help? So my husband is currently active duty in the Army. We just started on the baby steps. We have our $1,000 emergency fund, and we are working on paying down debt. Our concern is when should we buy a home? He's set to retire in seven years, and he'll be 40 at that point.

My fear is waiting until he's 40 to take out a mortgage and being behind the curve on everything else. Our thought is maybe we should save up for a mortgage prior to retirement and purchasing a home. But we're just so kind of stuck. We don't want to get too behind. But at the same time, we don't want saving for a mortgage to take away from saving for retirement or a bigger emergency fund or anything like that.

Well, what I would do is let's work on through the baby steps. Get out of debt, get your emergency fund in place, and then start putting 15% of your income into retirement. And then I would say above that, I'm going to start saving towards the purchase of a home. And, you know, so you've got five, six years at that point to build a really strong down payment to get into a home, and maybe even, depending on what your household income is, maybe even save up an entire amount to pay cash for home during that time. And you'll be fine then.

Because what, you know, you're not really losing ground because you're building that fund to be able to buy your home fund, is what we're saying. You're going to have this separate fund above your retirement savings to do that, to buy a home with. And so you just start chunking money in there like you were paying off a house. And so anytime you find any extra money anywhere, a bonus or an inheritance or the sale of an item or whatever, you just throw it. We'll put that in the home fund. We'll put that in the home fund. We'll put that in the home fund.

And you may look up that you may very well look up depending on household income and go wow i'm gonna have to pay cash here at the seven year mark and you're gonna be fine you you know it's not ideal to start this whole process at 50 years old but people do and they make it and you're not you're you're starting it at 40 so you're not gonna really be off you're you're gonna be fine hannah's you're not going to really be off. You're going to be fine. Hannah's with us in Charlotte, North Carolina. Hi, Hannah.

How are you? Hello, Mr. Ramsey. How are you today? Better than I deserve. What's up in your world? Well, I have a few questions for you today. I've been earning money with babysitting, and it's a good bit of money for a teenager my age, and I was calling to ask if there was any particular book that you would suggest how to manage it.

Okay, very cool. How much have you saved? A few thousand dollars. Good for you. Way to go. How old are you? 14. Wow, look at you. Well done. You're sitting on a lot of kids.

So what do you want to do with the money? Save it and buy a car with it. A car. Okay. So you've got a couple years to save towards a car, and you've already got a couple thousand in that direction. I think that's ideal uh so this does not have to be some kind of super complicated sophisticated thing it could be as simple as you have a savings account at the bank and you throw a chunk of the money that you earn in that account because you want to buy a car with it in two years and you just keep throwing it in there and throwing it in there and throwing it in there and you've got a goal of hitting a certain amount and you divide that into how long you've got you got 24 months to get there and how much do you want to have in there and you say well that's how much how many

kids i need to sit you know and and you just work your way into it that way i i i think you're fine i don't know that you necessarily need to have some kind of sophisticated investment strategy at 14 with your babysitting money to buy a car with. I think you're doing fabulous. I will send you a copy of our book for high school seniors, and I think you'll have no trouble grasping it because you're obviously ahead of your years. It's called The Graduate Survival Guide, and it's mistakes to not make in college. And so I think it'll give you some ideas as you're saving towards your car. But you're doing beautifully, beautifully.

I'm sure your parents are very proud. They should be. Chet is with us in Chicago, Illinois. Hi, Chet. How are you? Good. How are you doing today, Dave? Better than I deserve.

What's up? I'm going to be debt-free next month except for our house. Good. Because I'm getting a decent bonus check. And I contribute the max to my 401K right now. And I just wanted to know how much of that should be Roth versus traditional. Right now I do about $7,000 a year to the Roth and about $11,500 to the traditional side. 100% should be Roth.

Okay. Okay. Because, yeah, and my employer matches 10%, which obviously goes to the traditional side as well. Yeah, and you can convert that to Roth if you pay the taxes on it once a year. Right. Oh, okay. I didn't realize inside the 401 you can roll the uh contribution to employer contribution into your regular uh and pay taxes on it i know because i

do that here with mine um then uh but here's the thing we want you putting 15 of your household income no more than 15 of your household income, no more than 15% of your household income into retirement at baby step four after you're debt-free except your house and after you have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. So you've got some of this running out of order here. If you're going to be able to fix it out pretty quick, that's fine. But if it's going to take you 12 months to get that order straightened out, you need to stop your retirement savings temporarily until you get out of debt and have

your emergency fund but if you can do that real quick by just continuing go ahead and do it but that's the order we usually tell folks to attack this then i would you have children yeah two kids and we are saving money towards college as well okay you got that started more yeah so you got that started. Yeah, so you got all these things going out of order then. Okay. And then anything else you find above 15%? No more than 15% going into retirement.

Above 15% goes to pay off the house early. And that's what we'll show you to do. The reason for the Roth 100% is real simple. 100% of what you have in your account is tax-free when you get to retirement. And almost all of what is in your account when you get to retirement, traditional or Roth, is growth. 90% to 95% of what is in there is growth. And either that is taxable or it's not taxable. So if there's $3 million in a traditional or in a Roth, in a Roth the $3 million is tax-free.

If there's $3 million and I put the same amount into a traditional and you end up with the same $3 million, and it's taxable. It's going to cost you a million bucks, taxes. So you want to be sure. That's why I say quickly and easily without even thinking about it, 100% Roth for the portion and when you do start with the retirement, when you get to baby steps. I hope you get that straightened out pretty quick there. All right. Julie's with us in Greenville, South Carolina.

Hi, Julie. How are you? Hey, I'm good. Thank you. Good. How can I help? Well, my question is, we just started your class last night for the first time, and I've heard about the snowball effect, paying the debt off. My question is, my husband has had cancer five times,

and so we've gotten some money from the insurance company and I want to know what to do with this money because we also have a credit card that's racking up like $100 a month interest and then we have a ton of medical bills that some of them

need to be paid and some can wait and so I just want to know what to do. How's he doing? Right now he is cancer-free. And he finished up some radiation treatment a few months ago. He's cancer-free. He goes back to have blood work done at the end of March.

Wonderful. Such good news. Yes. Thank you. That's a beast you've been fighting there. Okay. Oh, God. Yeah. So, just list your debts, smallest to largest, and get your budget going.

If you're part of Financial Business University, you've got every dollar. You should be using it for your budget connected to your bank. Lay that out. Make sure your bills are paid. Everybody gets minimum payments except the smallest debt. And if you've got a chunk of money, you work it down smallest to largest right down that list. So you start clearing off all those little ankle-biter medical bills real fast.

And then you'll start pounding that credit card and that car loan, that student loan, whatever else is there. List them smallest to largest. I get asked all the time about what people need to do to improve their family's money situation. Two of the most overlooked things are term life insurance and disability insurance. Both plans make sure that you have income to pay bills and take care of yourself and your family if something were to happen. For term life, you need to carry 10 to 12 times your income, and I recommend 15 or 20-year plans for most families. Stay away from cash value or return of premium plans. They're just a rip-off. Disability insurance is just as critical. How are you going to pay your bills if you're unable to work? Disability is the leading cause of bankruptcies and foreclosures, and that's why I send you to Zander Insurance. They've been helping my listeners find the right plans at the lowest

cost for almost 20 years. Call 800-356-1780 or visit zander.com and compare online. That's 800-356-1780 or Zander.com. Thanks for joining us, America, in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions. Daniel and Jennifer are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Doing good. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve. Welcome, welcome. And how much debt have you two paid off? It is $211,191.34.

Wow. And how long did this take? 34 months. Okay. And your range of income during that time? It was $150,000 starting out and ended at $200,000. Way to go. Where do you all live?

Connecticut. Cool. What do you do you all live? Connecticut. Cool. What do you do for a living? I'm in accounting. And I'm an advisory manager for a big global firm. Very cool. Good for you guys. $211,000.

Wow. What was that? Mostly student loans. About $175,000 of it was student loans. And then a little bit of everything else we brought on a 401k we got car loans credit card loans pretty much everything we were normal as you would say you were normal plus a little wow yeah look at this i mean that's a lot of debt no older than you guys are yeah so uh i mean 34 months $70,000. You cash flowed this, I guess, right?

We did. And wow. What happened 34 months ago? Is that when you got married, got out of school and everything, or what? We just got engaged, got a condo, and I kind of sat down and tried to understand our finances, combining our finances and everything. And when you put all those numbers together, I was like, I really don't know. I was a finance major.

I don't know much about personal finance, though. So I actually Googled personal finance 101, and your name came up. I listened to your podcast. I came home, and I'm like, this guy makes a lot more sense, actually, Jen. So why don't we start listening to him? And she got on board pretty quick. So the accounting major had no trouble getting a hold of you, right? No, not at all.

Not at all. Okay. And so how long, and then you get married after that, right? Yeah. We cash flowed our wedding, and then after that, once we were married, you know, we really kicked it into high gear. Our brother-in-law bought us FPU as a wedding gift. Oh, nice.

So that was great. Okay. So once they heard you had joined the cult, they helped you get all the way in, huh? Yep. Okay. Yeah, he actually paid his off the cult, they helped you get all the way in, huh? Yep. Okay. Yeah, he actually paid his off in like three or four months. Wow. So it was actually, I kind of told him about you.

He's like, oh, that's a good idea. And he pays pretty quickly, too. He jumped in there, too. Wow. So you're getting everybody on board. Good. Very cool. Well, this is impressive, you guys.

Thank you. That's a lot of debt. It was. I mean, you must feel like you lost 300 pounds. Yeah, it's a huge relief yeah for sure yeah the weight i'm telling you what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is you you have this impressive result um communication and persistence you know we always sat down and did our budget every month and talked about every dollar and where it was going

and uh just stuck to our plan even when all our friends were going out and we just, you know, stayed at home and, you know. Loud Netflix. Yeah. You've been on beans and rice, I mean, looking at this. A little bit, for sure. You for sure hadn't been doing anything. You've had no life for 34 months.

But now you can do anything. I mean, you're making a couple hundred a year. How old are you two? 29. 29. Oh, man. A couple hundred a year and you have no debt at all. I mean, you're in an amazing position.

Feels really good. Not bad. Very well done. Very, very well done. So what was the hardest part of this for you all? The hardest part, I think, was really just sticking to the budget. You know, seeing everybody go out every weekend, go out to dinner, movies, all that stuff. You know, we like to socialize with all our friends

and hang out. So staying home and really just sticking to it. Yeah, it was really helpful any time I feel like, oh, I want to go out or I want to buy this nice gift. She was there to be like, oh, we have every dollar. It's in the budget, it's in the budget. And then similarly, when she wouldn't want to go out, we had a good way to kind of work off each other

throughout the 34 months. Yeah, you hold each other up. Yep. Because it's a long track. I mean, 34 months, that's amazing. But that's a lot of debt. This is very cool. Very proud of you all.

So did you have more people cheering you on or saying you were insane? It was a mix of both, I would say. It was a good mix some family a lot of family members are kind of oh you always you always being dead don't worry about it but you know other family members are no you got this you can do it um just with the amount of debt we had it was a huge mountain to climb so it definitely took some time and then i remember before i think when i turned 29 i'm like you know what we have enough money let's just let's

just make the last payment and then huge sigh of relief after that i love it yep very cool well congratulations you two very very well done thank you got a copy of chris hogan's retire inspired book for you that needs to be the next chapter in your story that you're millionaires and outrageously generous along the way you are on track i mean you've got a great. You should be able to do that pretty quick. Very well done. Daniel and Jennifer, Norwalk, Connecticut, $211,000 paid off in 34 months, making $150,000 to $200,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Ready? Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! Yeah! Oh, that's how it works. I love it. Very well done, you guys. Very, very well done. Lila is with us in Los Angeles. Hi, Lila.

How are you? I'm good, Mr. Ramsey. Such an honor to talk to you. Well, you too. How can I help? Okay, so I just finished baby step number one, 29 years old. I've been married for a year with my husband. And now we're on baby step number two.

We have $70,000 in debt. That is $45,000 of student loans, two bachelors and a master's, and $10,000 for his car. And then I think $2,000 for medical bills. So it's around $70,000. But my car is dying slowly, but surely leaves me on the side of the road half the time. So I am in a pickle where I don't know if I need to stop baby step number two and stay for a car, a used car, or if I could just push through and later on buy a car. I'm not really sure what to do. What's your household income? I make $47,000, and he makes $38,000.

And we live in Southern California in a tiny studio apartment. We pay $1,000 a month, which is unheard of in my area. Yeah, I know, I know. Okay, very well done. All right. So how many times exactly have you been on the side of the road? Oh, this year, it's February, so probably twice, probably three times last year, four times. In the whole year last year and already twice this year? Yeah. I got about 40,000 miles left on that car according to my very honest mechanic.

Yeah. So what is happening to the car that is leaving you on the side of the road? It's old. It's a 14-year-old car. It's my first car. I got it when I was 15. I have a 1960 Corvette that does not leave me on the side of the road. Okay.

What is happening to the car other than age that's leaving you on the side of the road? What's the type of breakdown you have um everything from like just uh tune up so like transmission fluid is leaking so then that has to be fixed and um the none of that leaves you on the side of the road what broke that left you broken down on the side of the road? Yeah. What broke down that left you on the side of the road? A tune-up doesn't do that. Leaking transmission fluid doesn't do that.

Yeah, you know, it'll just stop. It won't turn on. So sometimes it's the battery, so then I have to recharge the battery. Sometimes it's just the most random things, and I keep taking it back in, and I just don't know if it's costing you more money than a bus pass. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I probably would save a couple thousand dollars and put with this car and buy a different car. Sell this car and put a couple thousand dollars with it and do that and buy a better car.

And then I want him to drive that car and I want you to take his. Okay. I'll tell him that. He doesn't know the federal law. Federal law is wife gets the good car. I'm recording that right now. Yeah. If anybody's on the side of the road, it needs to be his butt, not you.

Yeah. I think I would. I think I'd stop for a second here and get you something that would be reliable transportation. And let's get back in the game then real hard. not not anything big couple thousand bucks will do it this is the dave ramsey show you Thanks for joining us, America. I'm glad you're here. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Common sense for your us, America. I'm glad you're here. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Common sense for your dollars and cents. Joan's with us in Baltimore. Hi, Joan. How are you? I'm fine, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Okay, so I took your financial peace class in the fall and learned so much, and I'm about ready to start my first class on Sunday, as a matter of fact. And the sad part about it is I can't convince my rockhead daughter to, like, listen to these lessons that I've learned.

She just graduated from college. She has student loan debt. She's got about $4,000 in credit card debt. She just got a car, et cetera. And she wants it all, and she wants it all and she wants it now but that doesn't work and so I'm trying to get her to um like rework her budget and try to come up with a way to like knock this debt out while she's still living with me because I don't want that to happen for too much longer and um I um was wondering if you could probably you know try to help me and give her like an estimate,

like two years, three years, you know, but she's obviously got to stick with it. Well, she doesn't even want an estimate. Well, she doesn't, but, you know, she will listen if I give her some hard numbers. Really? Why? She hasn't listened before? Why would she now? I don't know. I keep praying and hoping. How old is she?

She's 25. Okay. And what does she make a year? She just started. She's making $30 a year. Okay. And how much did she borrow on her car? Okay. So the car is $15,000. Okay. And how much is she borrow on her car?

Okay, so the car is $15,000. Okay, and how much is her student loans? Her student loans are $46,000. Okay, all right. And she has about $4,600 in credit cards. $4,600. $4,600 or $46,000? Oh, no, $4,600. Okay, so $65 $46,000? Oh, no, $4,600.

Okay. So $65,000, making $30,000 a year, and she bought a car she couldn't afford against your wishes. Are you married? Well, actually, I'm a widow. Okay. What do you mean, actually? Actually what? Actually, she was actually in a car and totaled it, so she didn't want to have to buy a car. Nobody told her she had to buy a $15,000 car.

Well, true. I tried to get her to buy like a $6,000, like what the insurance was going to pay her, but you're right. Yeah. So she bought a car she couldn't afford, because you can't afford a $15,000 car when you make $30,000 a year with $46,000 of student loan debt. That's insanity.

Right. And then she's making the mistake of putting like 300 into savings and of course then she doesn't have enough money at the end of the month and winds up calling it back out again so i'm trying to put a thousand dollars i have a 26 year old son who's getting married soon okay but if this if he were in exactly the situation with exactly these behaviors, or if one of my daughters were in exactly this situation with exactly these behaviors, here's how we would handle it at the Ramsey house. That's how I know how to answer questions. What would I do if I were in your shoes? I would sit down and say, I am really sorry.

I've not done a good job making sure you knew how to handle money, and you are making so many mistakes. It terrorizes me for your future. I love you, and I'm so scared for your future because you are being unbelievably stupid. And it's my fault because I didn't teach you, so I'm apologizing to you for that. That's the good news.

The bad news is that I'm going to start requiring some things of you for that that's the good news the bad news is is that i'm going to start requiring some things of you for your own good and so if you are going to stay here under my roof you are going to do two things you're going to put your car up for sale and move into a car that you can afford, and you're going to go through Financial Peace University. If you're unwilling to do that, you have 30 days to move. And I would throw her out. I would throw her out. Yeah, maybe that's the only way she'll actually get the message.

Yeah, because you're enabling her. Right. You're participating in her crazy when you give her a free place to live while she's being stupid. Right. And it's not good for her. It's not harming you.

And I'm not suggesting you be mean. I'm suggesting you be very kind, gentle, but firm. Because the question you need to ask yourself anytime you're dealing with anyone you love is how can I help them be the best version of themselves five years from now and ten years from now? Is it to make them uncomfortable today so that they stop doing self-destructive behavior? The answer is yes.

I want to make them uncomfortable today so they stop doing self-destructive behavior. You know, when my kids were teenagers, I used to remind them all the time, my job is not to be your friend, and so I really don't care if you're mad at me. Okay. I've got to get that tough. Yeah, I can live with you being mad at me because I love you so much that I'm not going to participate in your self-destructive behavior. I love you so much I'm willing to let you be angry with me for your own good.

Does that make sense? Yes, it surely does. It's about you being loving and strong. It's not about you being a bully or mean or yelling or calling somebody names or something like that. Well, that's not my MO anyway. I know. I can tell.

You're just a very nice person, and I'm trying to say it's okay to be a nice person. And also, part of being a nice person is to want what's best for everyone and cause it to happen. Right, instead of, like, trying to fix it. You want this more than she wants it right now. Yeah, that's true. Because I can see where it's going to end up with her. Yeah, she's got a decade of pain ahead of her if she doesn't change these habits.

You and I can see that. Because I've been stupid, too. Hey, I've been stupid, too. I got a Ph.D. in DUMB. That's how I can see it, you know. You've made mistakes. That's how you can see it, right? Oh, I've made 63 years worth of mistakes.

There you go. And I'm just now getting it straight so yeah i i don't want to go through what i went through i would just start it with an apology i wish i had taught you better i didn't know i'm so sorry and i love you and i love you so much that i am at this point i'm no longer going to participate in your decisions that are going to bring you harm i love you so much i'm not going to bring you harm. I love you so much. I'm not going to give you a drink. You're an alcoholic.

I'm not going to participate in your behaviors that are going to bring you harm. And so you're going to start doing some smart things with money for your own good, or you're going to be on your own figuring it out, because I'm not going to give you a place to live if you're going to be crazy. And it's not because I don't love you.'s because i do love you and this is how the conversation goes and that's how it would go down at the ramsey house now i don't know exactly how it'll go down at jones house you can decide what you want to do but that that's that's how we do it and um and so you know but we don't have any grown kids living at home going into debt we don't have any

grown kids living at home doing drugs we don't have any grown kids at home that refuse to work um we don't have any grown kids at home thank you lord we get to see them when they let us see the babies. That's it. Hey, we've all been there. The book is Smart Money, Smart Kids. Hold on. I'll give you a copy. Joan was written with my daughter, Rachel, and I and her from the grown daughter's perspective who had to endure being Dave Ramsey's daughter.

Lord help my children. Right. And from the mean old daddy's perspective. Yeah. But it's how to teach your kids how to handle money smart money smart kids and that way they can grow up and be productive and you know have a good life because they make better decisions and it's you know it's the stuff we teach them those of us that are loving parents uh when we know to teach them and um sometimes you don't know what to do, but this is how you teach your kids from age 3 to age 33 how to handle money and how to make these decisions like we're doing right here. Hey, that's tough love. No, it's just love.

It's just love. It's not any kind of love to participate in someone's misbehavior and support it financially that's going to bring them harm. How can you call that love? It's called enabling. It's a toxic behavior. And so it's not tough love. It's just love. And is it tough love to make your kid brush their teeth so they have some?

It's not tough love. Is it tough love to make them do their homework so they can get through school and have an academic ability to do critical thought, ability to learn? No. Not tough love. It's just love. Discipline is part of love.

Guiding people gently, firmly, lovingly, kindly is part of love. Firmly. No is a of love. Firmly. No is a complete sentence. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey guys, it's Blake Thompson, senior executive producer for the Dave Ramsey Show. This hour's over, but you can find more great content on our YouTube channel. Catch the most watched Dave Rants,

Deathly Screams, and the very popular Everyday Millionaire segment. Go to The Dave Ramsey Show YouTube channel and click subscribe.