The Ramsey Show - App - Maybe What You Need Is Some More Problems (Hour 3)

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm Ramsey personality, George Campbell, joined by author of the new book, Building a Non-Anxious Life, Dr. John Deloney. And we are taking your calls at 888-825-5225. Jump in and let's talk about your money, your life, your relationships, whatever ails you, whatever you're excited about, whatever conundrum you find yourself in. We're here to help you take the right next step. Grayson is in Ontario, Canada. Grayson, what's going on in Canada? It's cold here. I figured. Yeah, it's cold here. So I'm 25 years old. My take home last year was roughly $67,000 gross. I still live at home. I'm a single guy. The only debt I have is my truck.

I made it this year, my commitment to stop spending money on dumb things. So far it's worked out all right. I haven't spent any dumb things today this year yet. It's payday today. And I want to, how do I stop the urge of spending my money on dumb things? Number one. And number two is that I'm getting a pretty big settlement within the next, uh, two to three months, uh, tax free between 130,000 and $140,000. Um, and I want that money to work for me.

I really want to move out of my parents' house and buy myself a house right now. So that's my question to you. I have zero emergency fund, by the way. I have like $5,000 in the bank. So I want to make my financial situation secure. So George is going to walk you through the money stuff. I wanted to give you two bits of wisdom, okay? Number one, that's actually one of my New Year's resolutions too.

Stop buying dumb things. Should be all of America's resolution and Canada too. Even when I budget, I just buy dumb stuff. So I am 1,000% with you. Here's where you're going to get yourself into a lot of trouble. This word you use, urge. How do i get rid of the urge you don't you be disciplined and a grown-up in spite of the urge hopefully over time with um month after month week after week day after day year after year of new habits and practicing doing something differently,

the urge just kind of goes away. If I cannot eat gummy candies for two weeks, I've done the data on myself. Two weeks, I don't even feel the urge to eat them anymore. But dude, that first two weeks is brutal. So the goal here isn't like, because here's what you're looking for. You're looking for motivation.

You're looking for feelings. It's not going to happen. You're going to have to choose discipline, the next right action, the next right thing. Does that make sense? Okay. Yeah, that totally does make sense. So that means you have to set up systems that are going to help you be successful.

And one of those systems is a budget to where you go, that wasn't in the plan, not doing that this month. If I really want it, I'll put it in the budget for next month and see if I still want it. And usually you go, yeah, I don't even care about it a month from now. It was that urgency and that impulse. I have a note card with me that I write down things I want to buy that I get an urge to buy.

Okay. I have the same thing too now that you're speaking of that. If I want it in a month get an urge to buy. Okay. I have the same thing too now that you're speaking of that. If I want it in a month, like George just said, if I want it next time I come around to budget cycle time, I'll budget for it.

I'm almost positive that of the seven things I've written down in the first 12 days of January, I'm going to get one of them. And it's a replacement. It's something that got lost during travel. Yeah. So I'm going to set up of them, and it's a replacement. It's something that got lost during travel. Yeah. So I'm going to set up a system.

I try to spend my money. I try to look for decent deals when I do want to buy something dumb, but still I just want to completely stop wasting money on things that I don't need. So part of the way I grappled with this, Grayson, because I remember living at home. I had a full-time job. I was making $16 an hour at the Apple Store, and I legitimately was like, I am wealthy. I'm crushing the game, and I would blow every paycheck on more music gear and more discounted stuff through Apple. And I realized later on, I needed some

problems at 18 years old. And that looked a lot like moving across the country, renting and having bills to pay. And I think you heading into adult life, don't wait, just move out. And then you're going to go, crap, I got to come up with 1200 bucks in rent. I can't go blow 1000 on random crap. Or if you're Ontario, you have to come up with $185,000 a month for rent, right? Yeah. So if you can't save money while at home with no bills, you're going to be screwed if you keep that up in the real world.

Yeah. So I'm going to gift you a few things that will help. Like Deloney said, you need some systems in your life. One of those is a budget. So I'm going to gift you every dollar premium so you can get on a plan and go, all right, I made $5,000. I need to spend less than $5,000 in order to keep up my life. And that's going to mean saying no to a lot of things. And if it's not in the budget, then you just don't buy it.

And again, that comes down to discipline like John talked about. And John and I actually, we co-hosted a lesson in Financial Peace University called Why Spending. So I'm going to gift you that as well to go watch. And that's going to help you understand how your brain is causing you to spend money, how marketers and companies are coming after your money and get you on a plan to get control of your life again when it comes to spending. And the last thing I'm going to send you is a copy of my new book, Breaking Free from Broke, because I wrote a whole chapter called Spending is Self-Control. And in that, I walk you through a smart spender plan. And there's five questions. Here's the spark notes of those questions. It

spells out the word smart. Self-awareness is the first one. Ask yourself this, is this going to add real value to my life? Will it add real utility to my life? If you answer yes, move on to M for motive. Am I buying this for the right reason? Is this just emotional, impulsive, urgency, retail therapy? And if the answer is yes, then we got to pause to that. But if you can say yes, I'm buying it for the right reason, move on to the A for affordability. Is this in my budget? Can I afford this in full, in cash right now? If America answered that correctly, Grayson, we would be $0 in debt and same for canada right so if you can say yes i can afford it it's in the budget move on to the r for research is this the best option the best retailer the best price because i haven't

even googled to find out we just shopped impulsively and swiped up on the instagram ad and so that's going to help you just pause and make a better decision when it comes to that purchase and if you can say yes it's the best option retailer in price, you move on to the T for timing. It's now the time to buy it. This comes down to opportunity cost. Grayson's got a car to pay off. So the right time to spend on dumb stuff is not for a long time until you can stomach it when you're debt-free with an emergency fund and you budgeted for it. And then that dumb thing doesn't feel so dumb.

It just becomes, oh, I just wanted to buy it and i had the cash and it's a it's i spent out of my values and with the right motives can i tell you this brother yeah uh i have is me being honest i've really struggled to do this on my own and so it it really is um my wife and i using the EveryDollar app together. So I know when I buy something, she sees it immediately. It pops up on her phone too. I need that accountability. I wish I didn't, but I need that accountability.

I like that accountability. So maybe you find somebody. Maybe I'll have to get my mom to it. I'll have to get my mom to get that. And she'll be like, what the heck are you spending your money on? I told you not to. I mean, you're a grown man, so maybe mommy's not the right person. But somebody in your life who can hold you accountable, right?

Maybe it's a buddy. Maybe George Campbell. Hang on the line. He'll give you his cell number. You can just call him anytime. Booyah. Just kidding. Don't do that.

Well, you should hang on the line, Grayson, because we're going to send you Financial Peace University, every dollar premium. And I'm going to send you the e-book of my new book, Breaking Free from Broke, so you can get a head start on that before it comes out. Hang on the line, man. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm joined by Dr. John Deloney. I'm George Camel. And we are your hosts today.

You can give us a call at 888-825-5225, and we'll talk about your money and your life. Grant is up next in Columbia, South Carolina. Grant, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, George and John. Hey, how can we help? So I've got a question. My wife and I have been renting a house for like 20 years,

and the guy was going to do a rent to own. And every time I mentioned it to him, he'd never done anything. Well, now he wants to sell the house. And, um, you know, we figured up over the years, we paid $68,000 on the house. The house is only valued at 34,000 and my wife loves the house and now he wants to sell it and he wants 35 for it would it be in our best interest to go ahead and spend that extra 35 000 get the house that my wife liked do you have 35 000 no how much do you have? I'll have to get a loan. See, we just got started with y'all last week.

Cool. Yeah, I'm like 56, and I've only got like 8,000 saved up in 401K. What have y'all been doing? Living life. Hard. How much money do you guys make? Well, I figured between the two of us, we make $75,600 a year. Okay.

That's a little higher than the average income in America, so that's good. But I'm wondering what the heck's been going on with that income for the last 20 years. Well, I sat here figuring it up earlier because, you know, y'all talk about budget and everything, so I tried figuring that up earlier because, you know, y'all talk about budget and everything. So I tried figuring out a budget. And I was coming up with that we spend $3,100 a month on our budget, you know, on our bills. And that leaves me bleeding out somewhere around $2,000 every month. That's America right there, baby. You should run for congress

man so so and that's how much debt do you have that's what we're talking about we need to change yeah good hey i'm proud of you brother that's big we're right at twenty seven thousand dollars in debt what kind of debt is that we had two vehicles and a building, a storage building that we bought, and a student loan from where my son was in college. Okay. What's the storage unit for? For me to keep my tools and stuff in. Do you do that for a living right now?

Yes, I'm a maintenance technician. Okay. All right, so what's left on these cars? It's the only building that we have at home. You know, it's a building that we're buying. We only owe $1,300 on it, but we're fixing to pay it off. Okay. And these cars, are any of them worth selling, or are they not worth much?

You don't know much. Well, I owe $3,000 on a van. And then we just got a Jeep a couple months back, and we owe $18,000 on it. Ooh. Okay. That's half your mortgage, man. Yeah, I'm confused how this house is $34,000. Half of America, or 99% is going, where are they? Is it a trailer?

No, it's a house. It was built in 1945 but see we live in a really low uh economic area yeah and so yeah our house is cheap well for you guys the good news is you guys can get out of this consumer debt fairly quickly making 75k the bad news is you're not in a place to buy this house. Okay. It's just going to compound the problem. So we just need to continue renting until we get all of our debt paid out?

Yeah, I mean, you're making $75,000. You really get on that every dollar budget. You could pay off $27,000 using the debt snowball method, where you list your debts out smallest to largest, make minimum payments on all of them except that smallest one. Is that the storage facility for you guys? Yeah. Yeah, that's the storage building.

We figured we'd have it paid off at the end of next month. Hold on. If you have $23,000 and you have an $18,000 Jeep, if you sold that Jeep, does that knock off most of your debt? Yeah, that would be most of his debt. I would do that, man. i would do that tomorrow this is between you and a house if the car is worth half of the house you're renting i think you got too much car so you could downgrade to a five thousand ten thousand dollar car right and you're in the

maintenance business you i bet you're pretty handy all right so i i want to ask i'm gonna ask george a question grant on your behalf but i'm gonna ask him okay so i want to ask George a question, Grant, on your behalf, but I'm going to ask him, okay? So I want you to eavesdrop this conversation. George, we've got real clear principles when it comes to ratios to buying houses. This house is $35,000. It's less than most people's cars. Exactly. And so if Grant went and sold his Jeep and ended up with $5,000,

he pays his thing off next month. If he was to go down and get a mortgage for a $35,000 house with a $75,000 income, I mean, he could have this whole thing paid off. I'm wondering, I'm asking you, is there a, because this is such an, like, so far outside the bell curve situation, is there a moment where you don't normally get a $35,000 house and so if he'll have the courage to go sell that jeep and knock his debt all the way down there can he go and just buy a $35,000 house well the other issue is there's no emergency fund here you guys don't have anything in savings just like $500 so that's the part that worries me on a 1940s

house one thing goes wrong you guys are broke and you're going to go back into debt to solve this. So I would see if you can work out a deal with this guy and say, hey, listen, give us six to nine months. We're going to pay off our debt, get an emergency fund, and then we're going to buy this house off you. Okay. How urgent is this sale for him? I'm not sure.

I mean, he said he wanted to sell it but he would i mean he's been hanging on to it for two decades now while you guys rent it right yeah it originally started to be ours yeah this is the sad part about it it originally started to be ours we we had it we were buying it and i lost my job and we were getting foreclosed on. And I was doing work for the man, and, you know, he saw that I was in a conundrum, and he asked me what was wrong, and I told him, so he offered to buy the house. And he was going to sell it back to us. Well, you know, 20 years later. Yeah, I'm glad you have hope that you can turn this thing around,

because John and I believe you do, and you're going to get there. But I would clean this mess up first, man. Sell the Jeep, get rid of the debt, get an emergency fund real quick. Then if you want to take on, I mean, that loan to cover the house, you're going to be paying that off real quick as well. So within a few years, you're completely debt-free, no house payment. No more payments. And, George, i love the idea

of um grant sitting down with his landlord and saying okay in nine months i'm gonna buy this house from you so we're gonna shake hands on it and um grant and his wife get together and just just hammer out this payoff is dead get rid of this dumb jeep pay this thing off there's a carrot dangling i'm gonna take some extra shifts. I'm going to take my old van. I'm going to deliver pizzas with it. Whatever I got to do in my community. It sounds like it's a very low income community with a $35,000 house. I'm going to do whatever I have to do

to get this thing knocked out and to get some money in the bank so that I can buy this house. Yeah. I truly see a world in two and a half three years, they don't have a house payment. No debt, no house payment, emergency fund. I love it. Let's take a quick one here from Danielle in Charlotte. What's going on, Danielle? Hey, thanks for taking my call. Sure. My question is, what is the best way to pay extra on a mortgage to pay it off quicker? It's like to make an extra payment mid-month or just pay that extra

amount on the principal with my regular monthly payment. I love this question. I'll tell you the way I did it, and that was just to make an extra payment along with my regular monthly payment? I love this question. I'll tell you the way I did it, and that was just to make an extra payment along with my normal payment toward the principal every single month. And try to keep it consistent. Set a goal and say, hey, every month we're going to do an extra thousand, or we're going to do a double the mortgage payment every month, and try to beat your personal best every single month. But there's a lot of TikToks out there about the strategy, and if you do, you know, 14 extra dollars by the end of the year you'll have done an extra payment don't over complicate it just throw as much as you can along with your normal payment if that's on the first just go

ahead and do it on the first you're not gonna you know hack the system by doing a you know the the extra payment strategies that you see on social media okay Okay. How close are you? We only owe a little under 73. Actually, it's about 72.5 is what we owe on it. Amazing. And 11 years left on a 15-year mortgage, so I was hoping to get it off sooner. Oh, yeah, dude, crush it.

You will get there so much sooner. That's what I love about the 15-year, Danielle. Worst case, it's under 15, but then you're like, dang, we could do it in 11. You're like, dang, we could do this in 7. But the 30 year, you go, well, we got wiggle room. We pay it off in 15. That'll be a huge win. So I love this aggressive strategy you have to have total freedom. And most people following the baby steps, John, we find they do it in seven years on average. It's amazing. Just get tired of having it just hovering over you, right? You got a taste

of freedom in baby step two and you're like, let's just keep going. That's right. Love it. Thanks, Danielle. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Cantwell, joined by Dr. John Deloney, and we've got some guests on the debt-free stage. Bo and Sarah join us. How are you guys?

So good. We needed some pep in our step. We're so good. Not nervous at all, right? We are stoked. We're so excited to be here. We're just excited to talk to you. Yeah.

It's an honor. Where are you guys from? Lakeland, Florida. Yeah, Lakeland, near Tampa. Near Tampa. Sweet. And here to do your debt-free scream, how much did you guys pay off? We paid off $30,000 in 11 months.

Woo! What was your range of income during that time? $49,000 to $104,000. Okay. Did someone get a job or a raise? What happened? Yeah. You want to explain that?

Yeah. Yeah, Sarah got a job. So when we got married, she still had a year of school left of her undergrad. And so she worked two to three part-time jobs. And then I worked full-time. And I was doing school at night. Wow. All right.

And so what did you guys study? And what are you doing now? Oh, so I work for a non-profit organization i'm basically like a guidance counselor for high schoolers in a couple years out of high school cool but it's in our inner city um of our city that we're from but i studied biblical ministry and counseling and creative writing cool yeah and how about you bo uh john this one's for you i work in uh residence life at a college so I'm

on call I know you talk about being on call that's me I'm also in the army reserves I did ROTC in college I studied the bible I'm in school to become a chaplain in the army so that's what I'm working on very cool so they flashed your wedding pictures up here

you went all white shoes. It's a bold choice. I'm actually wearing those shoes today, you guys. Oh, yeah, that's right. Are you guys the same size? Y'all share shoes? No. Oh, she had her own pair.

Oh, you had your own pair. I had those shoes on, too. I was talking about Bo, but way to make it weird, Sarah. Way to make it weird. Way to make it weird. So what kind of debt was this $30,000? Student loan debt. Yeah, student loan debt, car debt, and a little bit of credit card debt.

Just sprinkled on top for some flair. And medical. And medical debt, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Wow. And 11 months ago. How long you guys been married? A year and a half.

Year and a half, yeah. So soon into this marriage, the honeymoon phase is over, and you guys are like, we have No, they're still in it. Because, see, they're holding hands with two hands. They're still super lucky. And we plan to be. For the rest of our lives. We plan to be indefinitely.

We all did, bro. We all did. I'm just kidding. Of course you will. Of course you will. All right. All right. Of course you will.

But what happened 11 months ago that changed things? Yeah. So we were gifted Financial Peace University as a wedding gift. So awesome. And we definitely had, we had dreams and goals, but to be rich and all that kind of stuff, but we didn't really know how that was going to happen. But we were gifted Financial Peace from a former boss of mine, Heather Root.

I told her I would shout her out. And we're so thankful that she did. So we went to a church once a week and took the class and we were sitting there. We were so, we're kind of young compared to a lot of the people that take the class. And we were sitting there hearing these stories of people who have gone through so much and they're in a really deep hole and they were right there alongside us trying to pay off this debt. And so we were encouraged hearing their stories and Sarah and I, we want to be ridiculously generous and to be, just like everyone talks about here, to be a blessing to those around us or our family.

And we saw this as our path. So during that time, time, we, we started off, um, you know, cutting up the one credit card that I had that I was building credit with, you know, I thought that's what I had to do to, uh, make strides in life. And Sarah had money set aside. She was much more prudent than I, uh, and during that class, we paid off my car. Uh, she $9,000 saved up, and we paid it off right then. Wow. Can I use your story as a really important message for everybody, especially younger folks who are just getting married, just entering into the workforce?

Yeah. On one hand, you have this picture. We're going to be wealthy. We're going to do these kind of vacations. We're going to live in this kind of home. And on the other hand, you have this picture. We're going to be wealthy. We're going to do these kind of vacations. We're going to live in this kind of home. And on the other hand, you work in a nonprofit, and you want to be a chaplain, right? And so there's this picture of these are the jobs we want to do, and this is what we want the end result to look like. And it's not until you sit down in a class, and you're surrounded by people who are 20 30 years into this and they've

been making great money and they're broke yeah and you realize yes oh my passion this thing i love doing is not going to get me to this end result unless we do something drastically different it's just choosing oh this is what reality is right yeah and that's that's a that's a hard thing for most people most people don't get it until they're 30 or 40 or 50 calling us desperate. Y'all figured it out really early. Good for y'all, man. It's awesome. Yeah.

I mean, we listen to the show all the time and we hear those stories every day. And we hear Dave and everybody say that a budget is telling your money where to go versus wondering where it went. And I feel like that's been the difference for us is so many of our friends, people that we know and stories that we heard in that class were just like, you know, I don't know how we ended up here, but we're here. But we started, you know,

we started off telling it where to go versus wondering where it was going. Yeah. That's amazing. What was the most surprising part of these 11 months of sacrifice for you guys? The most surprising part would be how well we work together and how like communication really can just be such a, y'all were talking about how we're still in the honeymoon phase.

Like I genuinely think that we're going to be in that for the rest of our lives, but it's because we're on the same page, not just about our finances, but along with everything in life, but importantly, our finances. We hear y'all talk about it all the time. Financial like pressure and stress is a huge reason for divorce, which that's never a plan for us. And so we wanted to get to the root of that at the very beginning of our marriage. And so it was so surprising to just be in communication with each other and see how easy it could be if we know that we're fighting for each other. We're not fighting against each other. We are for each other.

We want to give to others. And it's all our money. It's no one person's money and things like that. And just being able to see how much better that works, I think that was something that surprised me. I was just like, wow, if we're just in communication, I've always heard this is supposed to be super difficult, but this is actually fairly easy when we are talking about it every day and we're supportive of each other. And I'm more of the nerd.

He's the free spirit. But, you know, he lets me lead it sometimes in that. And then I let him lead where he's best. And so communicating about that was surprising to find this is actually easier than people make it out to be that's beautiful and you got some cheerleaders in your life along the way there's some weird people in the lobby hanging out with you yeah these are two of our best friends ashlyn and tucker we're taking a nashville trip with them this weekend and so they were super excited to be with us we're we love them supportive friends that's that's really

one more thing no sure yeah and if you have to be watching this on We love them. Supportive friends. Bo, can I applaud you on one more thing? Sure. Yeah. And you have to be watching this on YouTube to see it or on social media, but on behalf of all of us who never really understood

George Camel and those skinny jeans, thank you for bringing back jeans that Limp Bizkit would be proud of. That's my jam, dude. That's my jam. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you for that, John. Had no clue where you were going. Didn't know where you were going. Full JNCO on that one. No, he's JNCO'd out. He looks good. They're styling.

Beautiful couple. We're so happy for you guys. What do you tell people the one thing is to become debt-free? What's the key? I would say, well, every dollar budget is huge. But then also, we are believers, as you can probably tell. So just knowing that all of the money that we have is not ours.

We are blessed with, you know, bodies to work and this money that we've been given. And when we steward it well, we're able to live with an open hand. And so that's one thing that I would want everybody to know is that being a good steward of your money and being a good steward of your finances, really, you just see the Lord work in amazing ways. And yeah. Wonderful. I can't say anything different. Well, we've got the Living Give Box for you guys as our gift to you. Baby Steps Millionaires, Total Money Makeover, Financial Peace University. Use it, give it away, bless other people with it, get them on the journey. So proud of you guys. All, here it is. The moment we've been waiting for. Bo and Sarah

$30,000 paid off in 11 months making $49,000 to $104,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. 3, 2, 1, we're debt-free! Yeah! That was cathartic.

That was visceral, John. They're hugging, they're kissing. Gosh, what a beautiful picture of love. They're wearing clothes that fit. This is an amazing couple. Oh, they are heroes. We're so proud of them. And that kind of freedom is available for you, America.

Whether you're 25 or 55, it's available. And it is so worth going after. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Dr. John Maloney. Our scripture of the day, Matthew 5, 14, and 15. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp And put it under a bowl Instead they put it on a stand And it gives light to everyone in the house

Jordan Peterson said You should be better than you are But it's not because you're worse than other people It's because you're not everything you should be He's got a way with words John He's very smart You were on his show It's a great interview Yeah and hanging out with him in person be he's got a way with words john it's very smart you were on his show that's on his show

it's a great interview yeah and uh hanging out with him in person is one of the most uh like the word that comes to mind it people are like what is one of the most delightful human beings just a uh very like a joyful kind presence and so on on all of his clips are always very abrasive and cerebral intense, but just in person just a very lovely guy. People say that about me too behind the scenes. Hey, before we take one more call, I want to remind everybody George Campbell's brand new book coming out

January 16th. That is Monday. This is the last weekend. So you're either listening to this live or you're going to get this podcast tonight, sometimes Saturday, sometimes Sunday. This is it. Breaking free from broke pre-orders today for only 20 bucks and get a hundred bucks in free bonus items. If you know anything about George,

he's always looking for a deal. And so we made one that you can watch four X, five X here, your investment here, 20 bucks. And you get a hundred bucks of stuff for free. The last day to pre-order this is Monday. So go get it right now. Go get it right now. Go get it right now. Go to ramsay solutions.com

slash store S T O R E. Good spelling there, John. I'm excited about it. People already have the eBooks. Some people have the physical book. They found it in bookstores that got shipped to them early. And so it's cool to see it out in the world in real life and people are enjoying it and laughing while learning about money. And it's making it simple versus complex for the first time. And that was my one goal. So I'm excited to see how it helps people. Very, very cool. All right, let's get to the phones. Crystal joins us in Portland, Oregon. Crystal, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, thanks gentlemen for taking my call. Sure, how can we help? Well, I don't know how much of a backstory you want, but I'll just shoot off my question and then you guys can answer. Love it. Hopefully. It might be a Dr. D

question, but I'm really wondering, how do I get over a poverty mindset when my family is actually doing financially well? How do you, uh, how would you define poverty mindset? Well, um, I guess primarily the fear of not having enough or that my family will be destitute if I lost my job. Um, you know, I, I don't feel like there's really any dollar amount per year or in the bank that'll actually make me feel better.

Oh, I love that. Good for you. You're right. You're right. So I'm going to ask you a couple of like, just really simple yes or no questions. Financially speaking, are y'all leveraged to a point where if you did lose your job, y'all would be destitute? No. Okay.

So you know that your body feels one way, but data, the facts of the situation are something else. Yes, we are very fine. Okay. So here's, we don't talk about this very much. So actually what you're talking about, I tend to look at poverty as like an identity right it's very reality it's an economic issue but it's it's a way somebody sees the world what you're talking about is a scarcity mindset there's never going to be enough there's no amount that's going to fill the the bucket that you're trying to fill as a hole in the bottom right yeah and so what we don't often talk about this, and that's on me, I don't talk about it, is you're experiencing two things. One, this, I'm assuming you grew up and it was things where, was there, was there chaos? Extreme poverty on all forms of social services.

And my mother would still give our like food stamps away for drugs. That's right. That's right. So you don't have, you don't have, and I'm talking about in your nervous system, your body doesn't know relational stability. It doesn't know economic stability.

It doesn't know home stability. So all of this stuff is your body is learning in real time. You're changing the oil on the car while you're flying down the highway. Fair. Yes. All right. Here's what we don't talk about enough. You have, after grinding it out, you got out.

Fair, Crystal? You got out. Yeah. And I am more than I ever thought I would be. There you are. And you used that. It was jet fuel. It got you here.

And then there's a scary thing that you never anticipated. And it's that you don't trust you here. You trusted you when you were running, but now that you're here, you don't trust you because you have a disconnect between how you feel and reality. And you're smart enough to know both of them. And there's a huge gap and you're sitting in the middle of it and you realize, oh, when I was a kid, those people had this kind of money, not us, not me. And it feels like you're wearing somebody else's clothes every day, right? That's a very good description. Yes. Okay. So I want to tell you a couple of things all right number one i'm so freaking proud of you

if you were here i would ask everybody to stop the show and i would ask you permission to give you a hug and i would hold on a little bit past where it was uncomfortable to where it was kind of kind of like right and here's why i need you to understand how you have changed an entire family tree. Cause you said no. And I don't think you fully exhaled yet. Nope. Not yet. Not yet. If you don't exhale, you're going to run past the finish line through the stands into the parking lot. And then you're going to run into traffic. You're going to run past the finish line, through the stands, into the parking lot, and then you're going to run into traffic. You're going to get run over. So the habits that got you here, the grit, determination, the scratching and clawing

that got you here is going to be the thing that blows up your marriage and has people at work stop wanting to be around you. Okay? That's me just being honest with you because I love you. Okay. So what we have to do here is not beat ourselves up because we don't have the right mindset, not hate ourselves because we don't have character. We don't quote unquote feel right. We just have to say, all right, sweet. You know what? I've never been a millionaire and now I am. So I'm going to practice these new things. And I'm going to reverse engineer a new identity.

I'm somebody who does really well. I've worked really hard. And I've been blessed. I'm somebody whose family is okay. I'm somebody whose husband's not going to leave. I'm a mom who's never going to trade my kids food for drugs. And then I'm going to exhale because it feels weird to say that. Is that fair?

Absolutely. Why is that hard for you to hear? Pattern, the length of time, it could be a number of things. Okay, this is in your nervous system. Be really graceful with yourself really graceful you're so amazing you can't even see it

I'm going to tell you something that has helped me transition from growing up in a house where things were really tough to a very different adulthood and it's something I learned from not Dave Ramsey the Dave Ramsey but my friend Dave off air And it's something I learned as from not day Ramsey, the day Ramsey, but my friend Dave, like off air. And it's this idea of ratios. Okay. And when we had nothing, groceries cost X and there was a ratio there. Now we make this much money and the zeros look huge and the size of the house looks huge. And the mortgage looks huge. All these things look huge.

We're just going to look at ratios. How much do I make? How much do we have in savings? What are we going to spend on this car? What are we going to spend on this meal? What are we going to spend on this vacation? What are we going to spend on taking care of this family at our local church who has nothing for Christmas? The ratios are going to guide us because the numbers, they set off every alarm that we have. Is that fair? Yeah, you're right. I'm a little too detail-oriented. There you go. And when you sit down to go, I'm going to buy this car and it's $50,000, your body goes, $50,000, right? And all we're going to do is we're going to feel that. We're going to go, whew, yep. Trying to take care of me again. Appreciate you. And then we're going

to look at the ratios. I make $450,000. I can buy this $50,000 car. I got cash. I'm good. And I gave away $100,000 last year. We're doing great. I'm going to buy this car. See how the ratios will save you as you practice?

Yeah. So, Crystal, practice that in your budget. Force yourself not just to save but to also spend and enjoy and to give. That is going to unlock some magical things if you can learn to be generous and learn that money is not a finite resource. And so I hope that helps. These are skills to practice. Yes, and it's a muscle you have to continually flex

in that budget, and I believe you'll get there. I'm proud of you, Crystal. You're amazing. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. My thanks to my co-host, Dr. John Deloney, all the folks in the booth keeping the show afloat, and you, America. Until next time, spend wisely, save intentionally, and be wildly generous. We'll see you next time.