The Ramsey Show - App - Mom Hasn’t Saved Money & Expects Me To Provide for Her

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Ken Coleman discuss: Should I cashflow college now or rely on my employers tuition reimbursement over time? Should you do a 401(k) if there's no company match? Does it make a sense to take a job outside your degree field? Are you responsible for caring for aging parents who haven't saved for retirement? Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Number one best-selling author of the book Paycheck to Purpose and Ramsey Personality. And host of The Ken Coleman Show. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

This is The Ramsey Show. We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing actual relationships. Todd is with us. Todd is in Mesa, Arizona. Hi, Todd. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. up to see if I should prolong my education to take advantage of my employer's tuition reimbursement program. The total cost of this program is going to be $30,000. But the one caveat is my employer, they only reimburse up to $10,000 a year. And I would prefer to just rip this bandaid off and get the program done within two years. So that'd be $15,000 a year, leaving me responsible to cover approximately $5,000. Do you have that cash on hand where you could cover it we do uh currently uh my

wife and i were we're saving up for a down payment on hopefully our our first home good what are you studying uh this is going to be a master's of engineering for mine engineering what does it do to your income when you get that uh the roi on it would be pretty great uh i think it would pretty much boost it about 30 grand in one year that kind of answers the question doesn't it like if you got it a year sooner you'd get the 30 grand a year sooner and you're only paying 10 grand to do that yeah yeah it was you know wait a minute stop stop make sure i didn't miss something okay if you get it in two years you get an a 30 grand raise in the third year that you wouldn't get uh into if you hadn't finished, right? Okay, yep.

And to do that, you have to come out of pocket with $10,000. Five each year. Yep. Which you have. I'm trading $10,000 for $30,000. Good trade. I like it when you frame it like that. I'm just kind of being a cheapskate yes but no yeah you're cutting your nose off spite your face so buddy yeah and todd you're the one that said

just moments ago i want to rip the band-aid off and get it done and oh yeah and so the math supports your desire so this is a no-brainer how big a company is this they're multinational uh mining giant okay perfect i know where this is going because you know what they need they need what you do really bad and you're a fairly rare bird that that is true okay so what i'm gonna do is walk into my supervisor and go dude y'all need to up it yeah in my i need a little waiver i need a little amendment to the uh big corporate giant stupid butt policy and y'all need to pay 15 a year for mine uh that way i'm helping you at adding value to your organization our organization at a faster pace

and i'll even sign something that says if i if i leave before the end of the third year when you would have given me the money anyway i'll pay it back yeah i love that dave i love it right because hey listen that's not going to offend them you have no risk in that conversation as long as you keep that posture of just hey here's an idea here's a thought here's what the rules say i can knock this out in two would you guys consider that that's not going to be negative even if they say well we're not going to do it you're not going to hurt yourself yeah but i mean they you know listen just talk to your supervisor listen how hard are you guys out there recruiting people for this exact role right now?

And I'm willing to step into that role a year sooner, but I need a waiver, and I'm even willing to guarantee you a zero risk on it because if I leave early, I would pay it back. That's like even – you might even get corporate America to think about that. Dave, I don't know. That makes too much sense. Yeah, we're trying to get brain cells to work here. But, yeah, that's a cool thing. Either way, you're doing it. Even if you come out of pocket with it, you don't know. That makes too much sense. Yeah, we're trying to get brain cells to work here. But yeah, that's a cool thing. Either way, you're doing it.

Even if you come out of pocket with it, you're doing it. That's correct. Because a 10 trading for 30 is a good trade. Yeah. This is, I want to do it or I'm going to regret. You will regret it on some level. Short-term regret, but why? You don't need to.

You got the money. And here's the other thing. You'll make up that 10 grand faster for that house payment anyway. Dave just played the math out for you so this doesn't hurt the dream in any way of buying the house yeah your your instinct towards the band-aid was the correct instinct and uh the neat thing about someone that's got this much engineering under their belt is that math is their second language anyway so he already felt the math he just hadn't done it the way i did it so you can they just it's down in the dna it's swirling around he's going i know this is right i just can't figure out why it's right so all right claire is with us claire's in nashville

hi claire how are you hi dave super excited to talk to you today you too how can we help yeah so i just accepted a job with a new company and i'm very excited about it but i did realize that this company doesn't offer a 401k match they have a 401k um just no match so my question for you is should i participate in this 401k or should i just open up a roth ira what do you think well once you're out does the 401k offer Roth um it's a traditional only is that what you're saying okay yeah no you would do a Roth IRA first here's the math the math says take all the match first you don't have that Roth is better than traditional so you max out your Roth before you do any traditional and then if that doesn't get you to your 15% in Baby Step 4, then you would do some in traditional.

But Roth is better than traditional. Match is better than Roth. And so Roth beats, I mean, match beats Roth beats traditional. And the best of all worlds is a match with a Roth obviously but you don't have that so and of course you're not doing any of this if you're not at baby step four and you don't have your emergency fund in place and you're not debt free other than your house right right I am already in baby step four perfect you're rocking it girl I will add to that my current employer now so this is a new position I'm accepting but my employer, I have been contributing to the 401k with them because they had a match. So that should just roll over into another 401k?

No, I would just roll it to a traditional IRA. And you pick some mutual funds. So what you need to do is you need to jump on RamseySolutions.com, click SmartVestor Pro, find some of the folks there in your area that we recommend for investing. We're not in the investing business, but these are people. You're in Nashville. It's probably the same people I use. And so you're going to sit down, get a Roth IRA going,

and do a direct transfer rollover to a traditional IRA from the old 401K, and you'll have no taxes on that if you do the direct transfer. And that's what you should do so hey good question congratulations on the new job this is the ramsey show I just saw a study that really made me sad. It showed that families owning life insurance in the U.S. was at its lowest point since the 1970s. After what we've been through the past few years, I'm just lost on how people don't make this more of a priority. How are you going to make sure your family needs are met if something happens to you? This is why getting term life is an absolute necessity. Rates have never been cheaper, and the whole process to apply is pretty simple,

with many companies not even requiring an exam anymore. This is why I send you to Zander Insurance, and I have for almost 25 years. They'll make sure you get the right protection at the lowest cost possible, and they're there for you and your family every day. I challenge all of you to make sure your families are protected. It needs to be a top priority. Call Zander at 800-356-4282 or visit zander.com. That's 800-356-4282 or zander.com. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host.

We were just talking off air about how excited we are. We're leaving in the morning to come to Las Vegas. Those of you in Las Vegas, we're doing a Building Wealth live event tomorrow night. It's located at Central Church there. If you haven't reserved your seats, you can still get them. It's going to be an action-packed night. Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney, Rachel Cruz, George Campbell, and me, can still get them it's going to be an action-packed night ken coleman dr john deloney rachel cruz george campbell and me we're going to be talking about what is going on what in the world is going on what is going on in the world and all about building wealth and all about the inflation stuff

that's going on there's a lot of craziness out there folks and it's affecting how people are thinking about their money and therefore it's affecting how some people are doing with their money. But you're going to walk away calm. Yeah. Deliberate plan. We're going to show you what to do, why to do it, logical, exactly what's going on, and you will do what we always do around Ramsey. We're going to increase your hope.

It's what we do. So come on out. Las Vegas Building Wealth live event thursday night tomorrow night and uh and we'd love to have you it's that simple orlando we're going to be there in two weeks on the 19th and we're from tomorrow we're excited about that uh we've got the entree leadership summit the following week there in orlando i think there's like five tickets available for that that's basically sold out but the following week there in Orlando. I think there's like five tickets available for that. That's basically sold out.

But the Building Wealth event in both of these cases is up over 2,000 tickets sold, approaching 3,000 tickets sold. Thank you for that, Orlando. Thank you for that, Las Vegas. But there are still seats available in both of these venues. We don't have a need to declare a sellout because we don't hype stuff when there's still seats. If there's two seats left, we'll tell you. So come.

We want to get as many people in there as we can because we want to help people. That's what we do. So $25 for a ticket, or you can get a four-pack for only $60. So you and your wife, you and your husband get a pair of tickets for your friends. And all four of you come. Make a night of it. It'll be a blast. We'll be signing books, answering questions,

and Dr. Deloney and Ken Coleman will be hosting a free bonus section about work and relationships before the main event in each of these, and so you don't want to miss that. I want to point out we are trying to get permission from the church to see if we can bring a tiger on the stage, so that's an extra bonus for that because it's Vegas. We thought, let's try to get a tiger. We haven't run that by you this i'm hitting you with this now but it's a pre-show bonus a little hype after you said we don't hype things yeah dr john deloney and

i and a tiger in vegas come on last guy that did that didn't work out for him i'm just saying there's another guy who tried that okay and i thought i thought i'd spring that one on you yeah no pun intended yeah oh i'm i'm seldom speechless but i am now okay everyone's i've got this visual i've got this visual of this kitty walking off with ken and his jaws okay and so i'm just mission accomplished trying to clear that's worth a ticket right there yeah so that that's worth that's worth a ticket right there. Yeah, so that's worth $25. I'm just, easy, easy. That's a deal of the century right there. It is right there. Wow. Thank you for joining us.

All right. You get tickets at ramseysolutions.com slash events, and you can come see Tiger King. There you go. I got it, folks. Tiger King. This is great. Ken Coleman's new nickname, Tiger King. All right. All right. Just wow. I knew knew you were gonna be a big hit someday ken i just didn't know why

erica erica's in des moines hey erica what's up hi guys um thank you for taking my call you You bet. You're welcome. How can we help? Hi. So I am a 23-year-old. I am on Baby Steps 3B-4, and I am graduating with my master's in accounting this weekend. Awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. So I had a question about finding a job in a field that aligns with what my education is,

what my master's education is, or finding a job that aligns more with what my undergrad is, because my undergrad is in one of Dave's famous left-handed puppetry degrees. What is it? You've got to tell us now. It's Western Equestrian Studies and Equine Business Management, so horse training, basically. Ah. Well, that's not left-handed puppetry. I mean, we're talking about big business there.

It's pretty nuanced, but yeah. Okay, so when somebody presents a question. There are actual people that have actual jobs doing that. Oh, yeah, and that's a big, big industry. So undergrad versus MBA is really not the filter that you should be asking that question. It's what do you want to do? And I'm questioning, is there a little bit more desire and excitement related to either the undergrad or the master's? Or are they equally just, eh? You know, I love being outside and, you know,

not working the nine-to-five desk job. That kind of scares me. But just being able to kind of have a schedule that, you know, I don't have to necessarily answer to anybody. And, you know, working outside, helping people with their horses, helping people. Why would you not have to answer to anybody? If you're working for a company, they're going to expect you to produce crap. Yeah, but not answering, like, you know, working with the horses, I wouldn't necessarily, I could be my own boss, necessarily.

Yeah, so that's what you want to do. want to work with horses yeah you want to start your own business yeah that's a different equation right okay third third variable to the conversation but horses is where you want to go correct yeah okay so why did you get an mba you must have thought this is going to help me somehow, some way. What did you think the benefit was? Because I see a lot of people in the industry that, like I see a lot of potential to improve and help people improve their business tactics in the industry because a lot of people, you know, get the reputation for being dumb horse people that don't know how to run a business. Okay. See, I don't think this is an either or. I think it's both and.

I think you get into the field, you start working with horses in whichever way you wanted to, and now you're getting real-life experience, and you're not only just getting experience, but you're getting perspective. You working for somebody and in the horse business, and you're not just taking care of a horse in a certain way as it relates to your job description, but your head's on a swivel. You're asking the person you work for, your leader, the owner, all kinds of questions about the business. Why do you do this?

Could you do this better? You become a student while you're a worker, and then with that MBA and that training of business training, you grow yourself into your own company eventually so i think it's both and okay based on what you said okay now i will give you one guardrail on that okay that is not saying take a job for ten dollars an hour shoveling out the stables right when you could have made eight and,500 as an accountant. Yeah. Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, so, I mean, I need you to step into a middle management,

you know, business-oriented, good-sized organization, making some good money in the horse world, even if you're not making quite what you could make doing accounting with the game plan of going up but this idea that you know i have to you know i have to wax the saddles and uh whatever else in order for five years in order to be no well no no i'm not saying that no i'm just saying don't do that yeah not at all yeah yeah i tried that and that's not no we don't need you to turn into an intern with a master's degree. That's not necessary.

Okay. Yeah, so if you, but yeah, there's no reason I'm not. The horse world, as you know, and you know it better than I do, Erica, but I know enough to be dangerous, it ranges everything from a $250 chevy pickup to a bentley yeah and so you know you want to be over on the bentley side working on this stuff you don't need to be trying to get some guy who's got three hayseeds to make money with them yeah okay so get get where somebody's dealing with some expensive horse flesh and there's some money flying around this thing.

And, you know, that way they can pay you because there's going to have to be some flex there. So if you're dealing with cheap horses, the employees are going to be cheap. That's what I'm saying. And so and horses like everything else are most everything else. There's a tremendous spectrum on what people spend for them. So, good stuff. Good luck with that, kiddo. Sounds like a lot of fun.

Sounds like you've got a great adventure ahead of you. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Debt Free Stage, Kevin and Alyssa are with us. Hey, guys. How are you? We're doing fabulous. Dave, how are you? Better than we deserve. Welcome to Nashville. Where do you live? We live in Sullivan, Indiana. It's a very small rural community. Near what? Near Terre Haute.

Okay. That'll work. Well, welcome. Good to have you guys. How much debt have you paid off? We paid off $72,000 and we cash flowed $18,000 of that towards my master's degree. Good for you. And your range of income, how long did that take you? It took us 26 months. Good. And your range of income during that two years? Range of income was started at $90,000 and and today we're at $152,000. Wow. Nice jump. What do you all do for a living? Well, I'm a history teacher for a high school called Duggar Union Community Schools, and

I'm also in the Indiana Air National Guard. Great. Your master's in history? It is in history, yes. Excellent. Good. Okay. And I work full-time as a federal employee, and I work part-time as an elected official

on my local school board just to clarify a different school board than elisa uh so there's no nepotism there oh i don't know i thought i thought you're setting up job security for the history teacher here i don't know man this is a yeah we can lay off everybody but that particular history teacher yeah yeah very good guys very good cool so what kind of debt was this 72 000 well dave we're a little weird we paid off our mortgage oh you're more than a little weird you're actually very weird congratulations thank you how old are you guys i'm 31 i'm 35 and you have a paid for house yes that makes you weird right there i'm just what's the house worth? In today's market, it's about $200,000.

I love it. How does it feel to not have a payment in the world in your 30s? Free. Very free. It goes free. Yeah, that's pretty incredible. Wow. I mean, most people never even think about paying off their mortgage,

and you guys do it in your early 30s. What in the world inspired all of this? Well, about 26 months ago, we happened to be looking at our amortization schedule. I got that right here. Happened to have it. Just happened to have our amortization schedule. And we were looking at our mortgage payment and we realized how much we were paying to the bank in interest. Over half of our mortgage payment every single month was going to interest and very little was actually going towards the principal yeah and so that upset us because

we were just basically throwing money at the bank and so you know it's amazing there's a couple of times people really get upset about math one of them is the first time you ever get a paycheck and they hold taxes out and you go what and the second time is when you figure out how bankers make money yeah right we were definitely giving the bankers a lot of money and so we decided we're not doing that anymore let's pay off our mortgage and get this done and over with love it wow boom how'd you get introduced to ramsey well dave we've been following the baby steps for years uh been following i've called in the Ken Coleman Show twice. So we love you guys.

We're big fans. So we followed the Baby Steps from step one all the way to now we're on step seven. So we've paid off all the non-consumer debt or the non-mortgage debt. And that was $77,000 actually. And we got to the point to pay off the mortgage. And that's when we just tackled it just looked down and went i only got two years i can be done yeah and actually david uh it was supposed to be four years that was our goal um so kind of to skip ahead just a little bit um so we set a goal

uh 26 months ago ago as a god goal to say say, how can we pay this mortgage off in four years? And we said, mathematically, it can't happen. We just don't have the income. But we had faith, and we had the faith that the Lord would provide for us. And we just put our heads down and we're grinding. And a friend of ours has a good quote, when you live in the kingdom, you can't lose. And so our number one piece of advice and our thing here is get into the kingdom. And the Lord provided and whether it was stimulus money that we would get,

we didn't need it, but we took it and we just put it right towards a mortgage. And we just kept on, we were blessed so much and we just continued to be blessed because um it allowed us to pay it off not in four years but in 26 months yeah i i can't prove it theologically or biblically but just observation for 30 years i swear i think god is standing around waiting on someone to start behaving, you know, and start going, oh, there's two that actually get it. I can give them some money.

They are worthy of trust. They are trustworthy. Oh, look at those two. I can give them some money. And I can give them a chance to go make some more money because you're not afraid of work, you know. And so because we know that God provides for the birds, but he does not throw the worms in the nest. They leave the nest, go get the worms out of the ground,

and that's what you've been doing. You've been working, but God gave you open doors, gave you options, ways to do it so that you could prosper. That's strong, man. I love that. Thank you. Good job, you guys. Yeah.

First, real quick question. Favorite period of history? I'd probably have to say World War II is one of my favorites. Okay, cool. I just had to ask. So when you guys decided you'd already paid off debt previously, and now you go, okay, we get after the home. And so I'm just curious, having gone through the first part of that, now coming after the home, what did you take from the first part of that journey of the consumer debt and all this other stuff? And how did it inform this journey, make you a little bit more effective?

I'm just curious what you learned and then what you put into play as a result. Yeah, great question, Ken. So the first part, we learned about the journey in and of itself. So when you set a big goal, when you're on that journey, it's the process of that journey that shapes you and shifts you and makes you a more refined person. You start building better daily habits. You start building better financial habits, healthy eating habits.

And so we just took those principles in the first few baby steps and then applied them to this baby step. And it's like this snowball. It got rolling and we couldn't stop it. And yeah, we were just so blessed with that. We just continued to work hard and followed the principles. You guys talk about them all the time and we just so blessed with that. We just continue to work hard and follow the principles.

You guys talk about them all the time. And we just put them into practice. That's great. Way to go, you guys. Very well done. Favorite period in history, I'm going to guess. Founding of the nation. You know that.

Revolutionary War period. He's a history nut. Okay. Which is fun to travel with if you're touring cities like Boston, right? So he knows more than the stupid travel guide or whatever the guy was walking around. Remember that guy? Oh, never forget him. That was interesting.

So, hey, way to go, you guys. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? The key is, number one, get into the kingdom. Number two, set big goals. Goals so big they scare you. And because when you're on that journey, that's when you start becoming a better person and learning. We would also say you're going to face adversity. There's no question.

Murphy's going to hit you or you're going to fail. You're going to make bad decisions, but you just never give up. What was the biggest adversity you had to leap over in this 26 months? 26 months, the biggest piece of adversity? Probably be our vehicles. Yeah. Our vehicles are 10 and 12 years old. They constantly break down.

There's adversity sitting in your driveway. Yes, every single day. And actually, we just got one of our vehicles back out of the shop. We had to get an alternator replaced. And, you know, it's like we could have very easily went and bought a brand new vehicle but it is time for you to move up in car now okay i mean you can wait you can wait all these used car prices come down a little bit that's right you guys need some cars way to go you guys you're amazing well done very well done we got a copy of baby steps millionaires for you that's

for sure your next chapter in this story. Very well done. And also a copy of the Total Money Makeover for you to give away and get someone else started on the process. Bring the kids up and give us their names and ages. Come here, Chris. This is Arian. She's nine years old. This is Amira.

She's seven years old. This is Kansas. She's six years old. And this is Kylie. She's 15 years old. All right.. She's six years old. And this is Kylie. She's 15 years old. All right. Very cool. Very cool.

Well done. So, Dad, I believe the ladies have ganged up on you in this family. Wow. Absolutely. Well done. Very well done. All right. Kevin and Alyssa.

Kylie, Arian. Arian? Arian. Arian. I'm sorry. Amira. I can't do any of it. And Kansas. I'm messing it all up.

From Indiana, $72,000 paid off in 26 months, making $90,000 to $152,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. You ready, ladies? Thank you for changing our family tree, Dave. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Way to go, you guys!

T-shirts say straight out of debt for those of you listening on the radio. I love it. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, best-selling author and host of The Ken Coleman Show, is my co-host today as we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, real relationships. Caitlin is with us. Caitlin's in Memphis. Hi, Caitlin.

Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave and Ken. How are you guys? Good. What's up? Great. So I'm 23 years old. I just graduated with my master's on April 30th.

Congratulations. And what? Thank you. And cybersecurity. Ooh. Wow. Cha-ching. Yeah you hear that sound you hear that printing press sound in the background folks that's money she knows it too that's the laugh of you're right good for you so thank you so my mother um

informed me that um she has zero say for retirement and expects me to take care of her during her retirement years. Obviously, I don't want to abandon my mother, so how can I best prepare myself to take care of her when that time comes? You're 23. How old is your mother? She is 46, sir. Okay.

So what part of her childhood trauma has damaged her psychologically to make this ridiculous but statement? That I am not sure. Do you agree that that's absolutely ludicrous for a 46-year-old to put on a 23-year-old that you're going to have to take care of me someday? When you've got 20 more years to work, you ought to be taking care of yourself? When you put it that way, sure, but I do love my mother. That's not a question of loving your mother. It's not a question of honoring your mother. Your mother's misbehaving.

Does she work now? Does she have any type of career or job? Or is there some type of challenge she's dealing with that makes her put this on you? What's the back story? She does work. She's a secretary and making around $30,000 a year. Okay. um she's a secretary and making around 30k a year um i just think it's a it's a matter of um not knowing how to get to so she hasn't saved up to this point i think it's a matter of not knowing when it's how to start or you know that type of thing was this a flippant comment or you think she seriously expects you to just write her checks when she retires because she's worked her whole life and didn't bother?

I think it's 100% serious. Okay. All right. Well, there's two or three issues going on. Okay. Issue number one is the answer to your question is how do you help anyone financially? You first have to put your own oxygen mask on meaning that you can't help people if you're broke so you need to become wealthy and you're going to do that you're going to be

making a lot of money and you're going to follow the baby steps that we teach and you're going to stay out of debt and you're going to invest and save and you're going to be a multi-millionaire by the time you're 40 okay and so you'll be able to write her checks that does not mean you should but mathematically you would be able to if you followed that. Do you agree with that? Yes, sir. Okay. Then the next part of the question for me is, how do we honor the office of motherhood?

In other words, the Bible says, honor your father and mother. It does not say buy them cocaine if they are a cocaine addict. That is not honoring them. And so the Bible is not suggesting that by honoring your parents you participate in their misbehavior. And for a 46-year-old to plan on retiring broke and be taken care of by their children is misbehavior in the American culture. Now, in some cultures, it would not be. But in North America, in Memphis, Tennessee, that's misbehavior. You follow me?

Yes, sir. So how can we help mom when mom is engaged in misbehavior, behavior that's inappropriate? And so what I would do is this i i would say hey mom i'm going to go through this class because i'm going to start making a lot of money call financial peace university to learn how to handle money and man i really want you to go with me would you go with me mom and i'll pay for it and let's get her in this class and teach her how to handle money. And let's get her believing, having some hope that she actually could have the dignity of controlling her own destination without depending upon her daughter. Because I got to tell you, I don't know what kind of person it is that actually feels okay about themselves when they are planning to fail and dump it on their own kids

i don't think she feels good about herself when she says that or she does if she does then somebody needs to bust her and we can take care of either one we can help her by busting her or we can help her that's right and caitlin help her by having some hope again and going okay hey let's take this 32 000 let's motivate you to get that income up let's motivate you to get your budget going and start saving because she honestly should be able to take care of herself and i can show her how and i will show her how and i'll pay for it yeah caitlin what's missing here is your mom simply doesn't know that's what you said early in the call she just doesn't know and so if you could take her to that class and then begin to cast a vision

for her to show her at the age of 46, if she puts away this amount of money per year over the next 20 years, where she can get to, she just needs to see some vision as well. So don't just take her to the class and encourage her, show her, but begin to take that knowledge that Dave's going to teach in that class and show her how to see what she could actually do. A lot of times, Dave, ignorance is debilitating. Yeah, you don't know, and so you become hopeless, and then you do stupid stuff like dump this on your 23-year-old kid. It's just absurd so um i i want you to hear i'm i'm uh the main thing i want you to come away from this conversation with caitlin is the courage to say mom you are responsible for you i'm don't need to be and no i don't

accept this assignment and i do love you and by the way, this woman right here, she could be a travel agent for guilt trips sometimes, can't she? Yes, sir. Yeah. And so don't cash the ticket in on the guilt trip. Just go, yeah, I know, Mom. I'm one of four kids who, like, not to, you know, throw dirt on my siblings, but I'm the one who, quote-unquote made it out and actually did something yeah with my life yeah you're gonna because you're gonna go big your income is gonna

be more than your brothers sisters put together uh yes sir i'm starting with 100k yeah yeah and you're going to and you're going to 200 and then i blink in your world if you're smart as i think you are and caitlin but that does not mean you have to take care of everybody that won't take care of themselves. Right. That is not a moral obligation on your part. And I want to set you free from that. Then, if you choose to turn around, once you're emotionally free from this toxic argument, this toxic mandate that's coming at you, once you're emotionally free from that,

if you still choose to come back as a position of strength when you don't have to, but even though I don't have to, I want to, I'm still going to be kind, and I'm going to help some people that are in a mess, then that's fine. That's fine. But I don't want you signing up at 23 years old for a 46-year-old babysitting job. That's just ridiculous. That's right. And, Caitlin, I would also tell you, if you're not careful,

there's an emotional trap in this relationship. And here's the trap. Mom puts the pressure on you to do this. You love your mom. You don't want to disappoint mom. So here's what happens. You do something that inherently you know you shouldn't have to do. And in trying to please your mom, you end up resenting your mom.

Yep. And what Dave is telling you to do is you need to be okay disappointing mom, but in disappointing her, hopefully pointing her to a better future. And then in the end, you won't resent her. And so I would always rather disappoint a family member or a friend than I would resent them. Because see, the disappointment is on her side. The resentment will stay with you the rest of your

life and so you got to be careful of the emotional trap here here's the last part of the story and then we're basically i want you to hold on kelly's going to sign you and your mom up for financial peace university i'm going to pay for it i want you guys to go to the class okay we want to help you fix this problem but here's the last part uh when you meet a guy if he's a really good guy uh and he wants to be your husband and you want to be his wife and you fall in love he's not gonna like this deal he's not gonna like this obligation that comes with this deal i've met this great gal but she insists on taking care of her mother who won't take care of herself that's how can i say this highly unattractive that's a good way of saying it

there you go okay it's ugly all right hold on kelly will pick up and uh we'll get you signed up for financial peace university this is the ramsey show Hey folks, Ken Coleman here. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? Get your daily dose of advice on life and money. Check out all of our shows from The Ramsey Network wherever you listen to podcasts.