The Ramsey Show - App - My 35-Year-Old Brother Still Lives With Our Parents (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

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🎵 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation, a real, relatable, and relevant conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill. Co-hosting today with me is one of my favorite, the one and only Dr. D, officially known as Dr. John Deloney. We're sitting here answering your questions around life, around money, around relationships.

He's really good at that. I'm not. You're going to get there, Anthony. Hey, man, listen, around your money. And here's what I love. I love talking to all people about money. But if you're a young person in your 20s and your 30s, everyone your money. And here's what I love. I love talking to all people about money. But if you're a young person in your 20s and your 30s, everyone's young. But if you're in your 20s and your 30s, give us a call because I really want to help you start off your life right.

Build a solid foundation. The number here is 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. Dr. D and I would love to have an honest conversation with you. And I promise you, Kelly will get you through as soon as we open up some phone lines. She's the best phone screener and assistant producer we have. And so I'm just excited. So we're going to go out to number four.

She's not even paying attention to me, see? She is. You just promised that they would get through, and I'm going to promise you we get thousands and thousands of calls, especially with two good-looking guys like us on the radio. Yes. They're not going to get... Call anyway. We'll get them through. We'll get them through. I mean, I believe in Kelly.

John doesn't, but I do. I like Kelly, so I'm going to say on her good side. Thank you, Kelly. Going out to Chicago. We're going to have a conversation with Amanda. Amanda, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi, good afternoon. Thank you for Kelly. Going out to Chicago. We're going to have a conversation with Amanda. Amanda, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi, good afternoon. Thank you for taking my call.

You bet, Amanda. How can we help? So just a quick, okay, so here's just kind of what's going on. My brother's 35 years old. He's still living at home, and he continuously spends money every weekend on strip clubs. What? And he, he you know my dad's retired my mom has low income and he doesn't provide financially so you know I'm kind of the one that's witnessing this behavior and they allow that to continue so at this point it's like

I don't know when it's going to stop and I don't know how to have a conversation with them about it have you sat down with your brother or your mom and dad before? I've had conversations with my mom herself, but not my dad. My brother and I don't have the best relationship, so that's not even an option to consider. But my mom just kind of, you know, she makes a lot of her decisions based on emotion. So it hasn't really gone that far.

So do you want a relationship with your brother? Do you want a relationship with your parents? Or do you want him to stop spinning your inheritance? Like, what's the impetus behind this phone call? Are you jealous? Like, why do you want to get in the middle of this? It's just, you know, seeing my parents, right? Like, I mean...

But they're grown-ups. They are grown people with grown people money and grown people decision-making power. So what about this? And I'm trying to be provocative here,

but what about this do you want to get in the middle of? I just don't want to see my... Like, it just bothers me seeing that my parents are taken advantage of because of my brother. And they continue to allow that. It just bothers me and upsets me because, you know, my brother, I mean, my parents have been there for my brother financially a lot.

And sometimes when it's time to get back that he can't afford, he doesn't. And, you know, my parents talk about it with me personally but it's like they don't do anything about it so I'm kind of it's upsetting seeing them right like you know my mom's going to be retiring soon maybe in a couple years or so and it's you know their retirees all seem to be together and you know they're just going to continue to allow this behavior from you know my brother so it's upsetting in that sense because, you know, I mean, they deserve better than that. So I'm going to agree with you 100%. They do.

Your brother's living his best life. He's 35 years old. He's got free rent, free food. He's got somebody paying for his strip clubs and he is living his best life. There's not an incentive to change in the world for him. And your parents are still getting to play fantasy parents, right? Because their son's still home and they still get to feel like they're taking care of somebody and they get to still feel valued and you're left out and you're taking care of your own life. You're doing the things the right way. You're honoring your mom

and dad. The frustrating thing for you is there's nothing you can do about this. Nothing. You can, and I would strongly recommend that you sit down with your brother and say, I know we don't have a great relationship. I'm tired of seeing you take advantage of mom and dad. But you're going to have to decide whether you want to have that conversation just so you can have said it, like flex your muscles, or if you want to sit down and have that conversation in a way that he can actually hear it. And then you can do the same with your mom and dad.

And just know when you do that, and if they throw your brother out, then whatever fallout happens, fallout happens. But if it's the right thing, it's the right thing. I just don't want you to walk in with a fantasy that you're going to be able to change this because you're not. And I don't want you to walk in with your hopes up that you're going to be able to save your mom and dad from themselves because they're grownups and that usually doesn't work that way. If you want to just have this sense of justice and this sense of, yeah, I told them so, go for it. Before you do that, I'd have you just peruse Facebook and Instagram right now for all the people who just want to be heard and say angry things to people that really aren't going to change anybody's behavior. And I want to, like, man, this is heartbreaking, right? I'm not trying to make a lie to this.

This sucks. This is awful, man. And I hate that your loved ones are in this situation. But at the end of the day, I also want to recognize how powerless you are to actually fix it. So are you suggesting to her to not say something? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. There's a 100% chance I'm having this conversation.

Yes, okay. What I don't want somebody to do is to have this conversation because they want to be the knight in shining armor. Okay. Because that's probably not going to happen. Right. I don't want somebody to have a conversation based on jealousy. Like, my brother's getting all this and I'm out here working, so I'm just going to nuke his situation so that's going to make me feel better because it's not. Yeah.

And I don't want her to think that she's got power to change what her mom and dad are doing. That said, there's a sense of right and wrong here and a sense of justice here. And I think that's worth having a conversation. It's a big deal to me, and this is a change I made several years ago, that I stopped speaking just so I could have said something. Because I felt like I had to weigh in on every stinking issue, even issues that I wasn't invited to weigh in on,

just so I could have been, quote-un unquote, on the right side of that argument. And then I realized I was just melting people around me. Nobody asked for my opinion on this deal. And here I come bringing my whatever I thought I was bringing to the conversation. So I switched to I want to speak to be heard. Yeah. be heard yeah and so that means sometimes i talk differently to my 10 year old son than i might to my wife that i might to my friend then i might to some dude on the street because my goal is to be heard when i want to have a conversation not to have said something does that make sense no it

makes sense because i was just wondering because like i totally agree with you that um when there's 100 chance that i am going to have the conversation with my brother. I'm not going to my parents. Okay. I'm going to my brother. And I would. I'd go to my parents too. Yeah. So, all right. Brother, this is what's up.

Now, after that, I think it's about peace. And I'm talking about peace for my life. I'm not going to stress over it anymore. I'm going to put that brick down. I'm going to quit carrying it. Yes. I'm going to quit carrying it. Because after you've said what you've had to say, don't stress over their life.

If the parents are allowing it and your brother still wants to do it, I got to go on about my life. That's right. You know, I'm not going to stress over somebody else's life. Amen. 888-825-5225. We'll be here for another 30, 45 minutes. Give us a call. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about you but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right,

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That's GRIP6.com. Going out to Tulsa, Oklahoma, we're going to have a conversation with Mitchell. Mitchell, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Good afternoon, guys. I'm watching on YouTube live, so I just wanted to say thank you for all you do. Oh, man. So here's my question. My wife and I are on baby steps four, five, and six. We're both 33 years old. We have three kids. They are six, four, and one.

You are in it, Mitchell. That's it, and we love it. Brother, you are in it. Congratulations. Thank you, sir. question is this. We currently save $100 per month for each child and then the remainder of that we budget accordingly to put part of it into our mortgage. And I was wondering what the recommended allocation for that was. How much should we be putting towards education and when should we start putting it more towards the mortgage instead. Yeah, that's a real good question. So what's your annual income right now, Mitchell? We're a single-income family.

We make $66,000, and my wife is a stay-at-home mom. She's the best one ever, and I'll fight anybody who says otherwise. Oh, well, America knows what's up. Hey, that's a good one. So let me ask you this question. When you say you're saving $100 a month where are you saving this $100 at right now is it in a 529

or are you doing this just in a regular savings account it's in an ESA okay so you have an ESA okay cool sounds good and so for America if you're listening right now for those of you who may be new to the tribe when he's saying he's in baby steps 4, 5 and 6 pretty much what he's saying is he is investing 15 percent of his income.

He is saving for the kids college. And then also he is at the process now of about to pay off the house. And so I just want to make sure that you are pretty much caught up to what this conversation and where we're going here. But back to his original question, you're asking what should you allocate? So here's the thing when it comes to investing. Are you talking about investing into your personal life or investing into your kids' life? Because you're saving money for college. So in investing, is this investing for your kids' future or for you and your

wife's future? That one is for the kids, correct. Both my wife and I already have a bachelor's degree, and we have no plans to go back. So pretty much what you're doing is you're doing about $2,400, what's it, about $3,600 a year if you're doing it for a whole year for all three of your kids. What I'm going to do is just pretty much max out as much as you can.

If you have an ESA, maybe even talk to a smart pro, one of our smart investors, see about even opening up a 529 if you wanna do more of that. You can look into that if you have an ESA. A lot of people actually don't have, are not offering ESAs that much anymore. The actual gold ticket right now

is a 529 college savings plan. So I would look into a smart investor pro and see if maybe we can open up a 529 if you already have the esa another thing you could do is to open up a roth ira if you want to oh if you want to invest some more um as far as into their future i would look into that looking into investing into a roth ira but those are your three options right now when it comes to that outside of of college investing, what else are you investing for? What else are you trying to do outside of college? Or are you just trying to save up as much as you possibly can for your kids' college future? We are trying to save up as much as

possible. But we currently live in a 900 square home, and we're quickly outgrowing that. We're trying to start putting more down towards our mortgage, build up the equity, and use that as a down payment towards what we're calling our forever home. Yeah. So hold on. You said you want to use your mortgage, build up the equity, so you can sell that house to buy a new home? Am I hearing that correctly?

Correct. Okay, cool. I like that. I like that. 900 square foot home with three kids, family of five. I don't know if I'm going to invest too much more into my kids' future right now. I'm honestly going to keep that going because at their age, you're going to have a great return rate on that

because you're doing $100 a month. That's $1,200 a year per kid. I'm honestly now thinking about what can we do to go ahead and get into a bigger home. Now that I really have a clear understanding of what you're doing, I'm looking at, okay, what can we do to get our family into a bigger home for right now while I am still investing into their college future. Make sense? Yes, sir. Yeah. So are you looking for a specific dollar amount, Mitchell? Like if you have an extra thousand bucks at the end of the month, how much of that should go to kids college versus how much of that you should pay your house down? Is that really what you're at the end of the day? That's correct. Where should that break point be kind of given our situation? And Anthony, my understanding for baby steps four, five and six is once you pull that 15 percent aside, then that's a conversation between you and your future where you think your kids going to end up going to school. Are you going to be able to pay your house off and cash flow college? I mean, that's where that those ratios aren't exact.

It's really what's specific for you and your family. Yeah, we don't really have specific dollar amounts. We're not going to say put $100 every single month into your retirement. No, it's 15% of your retirement, your gross income into either Roth IRA, 401K, or any kind of retirement accounts. When it comes to your child's college experience, baby step number five, what I really want you to do is just focus, max out that plan as much as you possibly can. Here's what I do say. I'm not sacrificing my retirement to fund my kid's college. Right.

Okay? So for him right now, he's investing a good amount. I always say, bare minimum, put $100 a month into an ESA or a 529. For your kid? For the kids. Outside of that, he's winning. I mean, 6-4-1.

So especially his one-year-old and his four-year-old, they're in good standings right now. But the problem is a family of five living in a 900-square-foot situation, I don't like that. So what I'm saying is if they have the income, they can go ahead, keep doing what they're doing, but go ahead and get into a bigger home because he's already setting his kids up to win 18, 17, 13 years from now for the six-year-old. So that's honestly what I'm recommending. I really love that question, man.

I really, really do. And I, what I did in my house is I took a, I took a quasi arbitrary number and I reverse engineered it and said, okay, my kid's going to be in college in this many years. And so I'm going to back up and say, what's that monthly, what monthly do I need to put into an account so that when they graduate and

they're going to go, they're going to have this much. And then the rest of that, I'm going to attack and have no um no mortgage so that i can cash flow i can support them and help cash flow the rest of it yo man i i love it you know a lot of people come up to me and it's like man we have a student loan crisis problem i'm like well not only do we have a student loan crisis problem we have a parenting problem that's right you know it's it's and that's what I love that call. Yeah. Cause he's saying, what should we do? We want to take care of our

kids, but at the same time, we also want to make sure that we're also taking care of them today, giving them a good place to live and, and giving them a little bit more room to breathe. And so, you know, your kids are going to go to college. My family right now, we have a 529 open for all four of my nephews and nieces because we know for sure they will have the opportunity to go to school. If you know their father belief,

Glenn Henry, he doesn't really force, he's not forcing school onto them. He's saying, hey, whatever you want to do, that's what we're going to support you. If they decide to go to school, boom, they're going to have some money there so they can go to school debt free. If they do not go to school, then we're going to use you. So if they decide to go to school, boom, they're going to have some money there so they can go to school debt free. If they do not go to school, then we're going to use that money for other things for them. But let me tell you what else.

Let me tell you my vision. And this is something that I'm teaching to young people. You want to help your kids start where you finish. Not start where you started. I don't have any kids yet. And the moment that I do, my vision for them is I'm going to pay for their in-state school. None of my kids will go out of state unless they get a scholarship. Not only that, when they get married, they will get a check from me for $150,000 or I'm

buying their first house because I want my kids to start where their mom and I finish. I want to give them a head start. I want to start building generational wealth. I want to show them what they can have. So if I do that for them, then what's happening? They're going to do that for their kids and then they're going to do that for their kids. Now we're creating something new. I'm passing down wealth, wisdom, and knowledge, not debt and bills. And in addition to generational wealth, I'm going to give them generational tools. And so I might pay for their college. I'm not buying my kid a house.

I am going to teach my kid how to pay for a house. Hey. I may surprise them on the back end. Set them up in the beginning. There you go. The house I give them is going to be their first house. That'll set them up to buy for a house. Hey. I may surprise them on the back end. Set them up in the beginning. There you go. The house I give them is going to be their first house. That'll set them up to buy their next house. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We're going to go out to one of my favorite cities in America,

Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and have a conversation with George. George, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and myself help? Hey, good afternoon to you guys. Thanks for taking me. I love it out here. North Carolina is great.

Oh, yeah, man. You know, I'm from Fayetteville, North Carolina, so, you know, I love it. How can we help, man? My question is directed towards John. We've got the finances going real good as a family unit, and everyone's going good, so we're real happy about that. But my question is about myself. I just have a deficiency, and I hate to admit it, but I'm glad that there's an environment I can just feel comfortable saying I have a deficiency as a man and as a husband. And that is, I read a lot of self-improvement and I'm learning about grace, communication, listening, particularly with my wife.

And just, it's really just my, you know, my wife and my family. But gosh, I get frustrated. I'll break down. I get anxious over something that, you know, didn't line up exactly the way I envisioned it or see it. And I can't implement that. I just can't implement what I'm reading. It's like water gets thrown in my brain, and my brain's the electric board.

You know, I just short circuit. And I'm just having difficulty implementing the tools that I'm trying to learn. So, George, give me an example, man. I hear you being vulnerable, and I'm grateful for that, man. Give me an example. Okay. Well, it stems from we built a house a year and a half ago. We built a house on my in-laws' property.

They gave us land, and it was nice. But during that time, see, our financial plan now, I'm working weekends. We're going to pay this thing off in 15 months. We have about $215,000. We're going to pay it off. And that in itself does not really – we're all on board with that. My wife and my kids are. But the example is I learned that I'm not built for a fluid environment.

I need compartmentalized time with family and people. And so I end up getting mad when the environment becomes too fluid. And I just can't wrestle with it. That's probably the main issue that's causing some of this. So George, can I

give you some peace? Yeah. You're like almost every man in America. And your sense of purpose is based on what you can accomplish, executing a plan, doing a thing. You refer to yourself as having deficiencies because you're a machine that is just missing the right nozzle, and then you can go about your business in an orderly, fashioned way. And that's a curse on men across this country because it's wrong, wrong, wrong. But you get a lot done that way, though.

You do. You know what? You do. And then you start smoking, your cogs come off, and then what men do after they're done accomplishing things and they realize that their worth isn't in accomplishing things is they start getting anxious,

they start feeling shame, and the way men show that they are struggling is they puff their chest out and they start trying to control crap around them. And then when they can't control everything around them, they get more frustrated. And so they do the only thing they know what to do with is they take their big arms and they squeeze tighter and tighter and tighter. And then people around them start choking. Am I onto something with you? Yeah, absolutely, man. I'm man enough to admit that, sure. And so then what we try to do is we try to solve it with a new instruction manual.

So we want to get a new podcast and another book and another book and another book and shove more information down the front of our brains. And the problem is not in the front of our brains. It's in our amygdala. It's in the back of our brain that is just screaming for one thing. Connection. Vulnerability. The ability to sit down and tell my kids, I love you and I want to spend some time with you. The ability to not just communicate and bark orders with my wife, but I want to be with my wife. It's this idea of being over versus being with. And so if you want to solve this problem, and I hear it in your heart, man,

and I wish every single man in America would hear this, I would tell you to sit down with your wife and look her in the eye and say, we had a plan to pay this off in 18 months. I value spending time with you. I want to connect with you. I want to hear you. I want to be with my kids.

Can we move this plan to 24 months? And that's going to allow me to have Saturdays with my children. That's going to allow me to have Thursday nights with you. And we're not going to spend money on it. We're going to go for a walk together. We're going to have dinner together. We're going to have lunch together. But I want you to start building in connection, not communication. I want you to build in worth, not achievement. I want you to not think of yourself as a deficient machine, but as a person of value and worth being loved. And that's it.

And if you're like most men, including myself, dude, I can't do that by myself. I had to go spend some time with a mentor. I had to spend some time with a pastor. I had to spend some time with a counselor, all three of them. I still meet with the men almost every Friday morning of my life who is a mentor in my life that helps talk connection and helps talk truth into my life. Because I so easily dump back into, Anthony, my worth is based on what I can accomplish and what I can solve. And then I start trying to solve my kids and I start trying to fix my wife. And man, my wife's not a machine to be fixed.

My children are not puzzles to be solved. They are people of value and worth to be with. I have nothing to say on that. How does that ring true as a single guy looking to save money, to grow his net worth, to find a partner to spend the rest of your life with, how does that ring true in your heart? You know, I think I'm trying to think

because you said something that kind of struck a chord with me. And with me being single and listening to your expertise where I'm not an expert at, I'm still growing and maturing in this area of life, just to be honest. I think for me, I wouldn't stop the plan. I would ask my wife if this is what we agreed upon. I want to give you more time, but how can we get creative over what we already agree with what we were going to do how can we do this together love it you know so it was like not i go from 18 months to 24 months right okay we agreed 18 months we want to be here how can we enjoy this process together like in my room for thinking like as a man yes and I'm not even scared to lose control, but as a man, I want to finish what I set out to do.

And what I would say is yes and. And so for somebody like this young man who's had the courage to be vulnerable and to say, man, I'm doing all the right things and the machine still – it's breaking down on me. What I want to do is hit his feet out of concrete. I want to say what you've become is a slave to a plan. You have become so focused on control, what you can control, that you are missing out on being connected and with. And so you're right, man. If you can sit down with your wife and say, I want to keep this 18-month plan, but I want to be a better partner with you. How can we do this so we're going to wake up every day and say, hey, what's your picture of today look like?

We're going to get to the end of every week and say, what's our budget? How did we do this week? How's your heart? Here's a good thing guys can do with their significant other. They can look them in the eye and say, how was your day? And then they say, it was hard, man. My boss was a jerk or the kids were ugly. And instead of going, well, did you say this? Did you say this? They and say, how was your day? And then they say, it was hard, man. My boss was a jerk or the kids were ugly. And instead of going, well, did you say this?

Did you say this? They can say, how did you feel? Nope. They can say, I love you. Thank you for sharing that. And let it be. You know why? Because my guess is his wife is brilliant.

She grew children inside of her. She is accomplished. Did you just say your wife grew children inside of her? Men look at the women in their lives and think you know what she really needs my advice that's true and often what they need is our presence our connection i agree because women are brilliant they're brilliant they are and what they don't often need is another well you know what you should have said to this guy at work you should have told him that um nope they need need to say, that sucks, man, and I'm with you.

And you know what? As a single brother, America, that is something that I know I have to work on. Because it's like when I ask a question, I don't want her to speak to me in a novel. Give me the sentence answer. And what she wants you to do is know that you are by my side. You are with me. Trust me. I get it. I'm with you. That's why I'm listening to you today. You listen to me about money right now. You're going to help me get married and stay married. Yo, this is why I love doing the Dave Ramsey show,

especially with this guy, because I learned something. Seriously, you guys give us a call 888-825-5225. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. going out to birmingham alabama we're gonna have a conversation here with uh jackson jackson good afternoon uh how can dr d and i help man hey guys my name is jack. I'm 16, and I'm considering selling my truck. I have a 2019 Chevy Colorado that is worth about $23,000, $24,000, and I owe $6,500 on it. So I'm considering selling it, paying off the loan, and using what's left to buy a different truck. My dad, however, says I should stick with it because this truck will be able to last me through college and he worries the truck I would be able to buy won't last me

Jackson I know what you're about to say he's a young man so I'm just trying let me rewind alright Jackson so help me understand how are you 16 years old and you have a truck So I'm guessing this truck is in your dad's name. Yes, it is in my dad's name. OK, cool. So the truck is in your dad's name and you all owe sixty five hundred dollars on the truck right now.

And you're saying it's worth $24,000. Right, somewhere around that. My dad gave me about $18,000 to put on it, but he convinced me to be able to get a nicer truck to go above that $18,000 and buy a better truck, and then he would help me get a loan, and I would pay it back. So are you paying back to your dad? Is that who you owe the money to? Well, technically, it's an actual loan through a bank but it's in his name but it's like drafting out of my account

and that kind of stuff okay so anthony you can correct me if i'm wrong this this sounds like a dollar and cents question wrapped up in a real messy you're a 16 year old kid living in your dad's house question and the easy thing if you were 25 and calling us we would tell you sell the truck man you're gonna have six five hundred that's an easy no-brainer um the challenge you're gonna have is being a 16 year old kid in your dad's house and dad's the one paying this i mean dad's the one that's got his name on this loan. You're helping pay for it. And things are a little more complex than that. So if you went and just sold this truck this afternoon, what would he say to you? Would he be angry with you?

He can't sell it. It's in his dad's name. Well, I've already talked with him, and I think he's okay with it. He sees where I'm coming from, and I think he's okay with it. He just, like I said he said you know if you'll keep this one it'll last you through like he says it'll last me through law school that's what I hope to do go to college and then law school cool so here's my thing for you Jackson you have two options how much money do you have in a savings account saved right now um not a lot uh six seven hundred dollars

something like that six seven hundred dollars okay cool um right now if the car is worth twenty four thousand dollars that means you have about seventeen thousand seventeen thousand five hundred dollars in equity in the car if you were my son well if you were my son we would have never purchased a car we would have never took out the loan but right now if you were my son we would have never purchased a car we would have never took out the loan but right now if you were my son in this situation i'd be like son i get you i'm taking that seventeen thousand five hundred dollars in equity i'm gonna go buy me a ten thousand dollar max truck i'm gonna put that seventy five hundred dollars in the savings account and i'm gonna cash my college i may even buy like a seventy five hundred500 truck. I may even just say, you know, I'm gonna go buy a $6,000 Honda.

I get it. I see you're in Birmingham. Trucks are the thing out there, especially the trusses things, period. So I understand it. Or, or you can have an honest conversation with your dad and say, look, I don't want any debt. Either we need to pay off the car, but I don't want any debt attached to me going into college but being 16 i like the fact that you're having a ten thousand dollar truck boom paid for seventy five hundred dollars sitting or six thousand dollars sitting in your savings account to go towards college that's my opinion uh but i would i would love to have a conversation with your

father tell him you know uh follow me on instagram, follow me on YouTube so we can have a conversation because I have a problem with parents not teaching their kids everything and giving them all the options. Why do we only push get into debt, take out student loans, get a car loan loan get a credit card so you can establish a credit score like i really wish someone would have taught me when i was in high school hey here's another option you can go to debt free option and teach me everything on that side

you know we have so many classes which i won't name name on air, that teach you how to protect yourself if you decide to go down one certain road. But when it comes to money, we don't teach our young people how to protect themselves when they go down the financial road. We say, hey, listen, go hurt yourself. Go rack up all this debt. Go do all this stuff. And then, boom, now you're wondering why 80 of the people in america are living paycheck to paycheck frustrates the heck out of me well and i think it starts from uh i think it starts from a place of love i can imagine i i'm a dad i want my kid to have the the best i want him to be safe i

have all these imaginary challenges he's gonna have and the man then i've got eighteen thousand dollars i'm gonna put on the table for him and then i'm gonna teach him what I think is the right thing, which I'm going to teach him about credit. I'm going to teach him about paying your debts. All these things that we have attached to, quote, unquote, normal way of living. Yeah. And I think I'm doing him a favor. Yeah. I think I'm doing him a favor.

Right. But I'm not. You're not. Right? And so I want to come at parents and say, I know you love your kids. Right. I know you've saved up money and you want to help them out. Help them out in a totally radical new way,

which is to be beholden to nobody ever. You know, it was so funny you said that. When I was on vacation for my birthday, I went out and played golf with my dad. And he said something to me that just really struck a chord with me that really helped me understand why my father didn't teach me the things

that I wish I knew today about money. And he said, son, I grew up with 18 siblings. He's number 16 out of 18 siblings. My grandmother and all of my aunts and uncles lived with the man back in those days, and they picked cotton. And so back then, having money meant that you had at least $200, $300 in your name. It wasn't you had a big fat savings.

It wasn't that you were investing into your future. No, it just means you had a roof over your head, and you had a decent transportation, and that decent transportation to them was a bus ticket. And then you were eating. And so when I heard my dad, my dad said something to me while I was on the golf course. I remember it was a hole number three.

It was a par three. He was about to swing and he said, he looked at me and said, son, today I'm wealthy. I was like, you're what you're I'm wealthy because if my if my mother was alive today that what I have right now is a whole lot of money to my mom he was like so I couldn't teach you what you have today because I was never exposed to what you have today he said I taught you what I knew because I loved you. And so when you said that, that sparked something into me that you're right.

Parents are doing it out of love, and which is why I'm hoping that every parent hear us today. We're giving you the right information, the wisdom, and the knowledge so that you can pass down this information to the kids who you love. That's right. That's right.

And most of us are parenting the best way we know how, with the tools we have in our bag. And we were parented that way. Our parents loved us, and they had most of us, not everybody, but most of us, and they tried to parent us with the best tools they had in their bag. And it's just trying to give them some more tools and say, hey, there is another way.

There's another way. I'm curious. Dr. D., you have some kids. I don't. What is one thing you would tell me in America when it comes to your kids that you wish you knew before having kids? Um, I wish that I had known that the, um, the way to make a kid, a kid feel anchored in is to, um, show them, not tell them. I thought that the key to being a good parent was having all the right answers and the key to being a good parent was telling them all the right things.

And I, the, the beautiful thing about going back to college as an old person was I had to go be an intern again. And I worked for a psychologist who was way younger than me. And we worked with traumatized, abused children for a short summer. And he told me something that stuck with me forever, which was, John, kids don't listen to you. They watch you. Yeah. If you want your son to treat women right, treat your wife right.

If you want your daughter to be respectful to the people in your home, you be respectful to people in your home. And that changed everything for me. Wow. Wow. They watch you. They listen to you. They watch you. I want to thank our producer, James Chow, and our associate producer, Kelly Daniel.

Remember, the caliber of our future will be determined by the decisions we make today. America has been fun. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. On your smart speaker, you can add our skill by saying, Alexa, open the Ramsey Network skill. From there, you can listen to all our shows. Ask Dave money questions like, how do I invest my money? Or what is the debt snowball?