The Ramsey Show - App - My 8-Year-Old Thinks Love Is Only Shown With Gifts (Hour 3)

Episode Date: October 9, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney, and we are pumped and excited to take your call. I know you're out there and you've got some questions. Maybe you're dealing with some relationship issues. Maybe you've got something going on with your siblings. Or maybe something's going on with the outlaws or in-laws or whatever they are.

You call them and you go, man, I want to get some clarity. Maybe you want to make the holidays this year better than they've ever been. Maybe you want to begin to clear the air and work through some situations. Or maybe you've got a money question and you go, you know, I've always wondered this. Well, today's the day. Pick up the phone, call us, 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We'd love to be able to hear from you. All right, we're going to Texas, so that makes Deloney's heart happy, first and foremost. We've got Kelsey on the line. Kelsey, how can we help you today? Hey, guys. Good afternoon. Hey, thanks for hanging on for so long. Kelsey, how can we help today?

No worries. So my husband and I, we are in baby step number two. We have four kiddos going on number five, and we are trying to get our kids on board with what we're doing at home, and we're really struggling with our oldest. I've got to apologize. No, that's okay. Hard to get through this one. So we actually got full custody of our oldest in February. And he went through a really emotionally traumatic experience with his biological mother in August. And he's been doing therapy and really doing as much work as an eight-year-old can do on his end. And his dad, we're at the point where we're wondering how we can kind of help him along with being with his mom.

He is used to getting gifts and going on shopping sprees and that kind of thing from his grandpa. They all live together. Anytime his mom would come up short, his grandpa would kind of take him to go and spend all kinds of money and just kind of cover up what happened. And we're trying to help him understand that we love him and care for him, even if we don't go to the store and we get a toy every day, or even if we don't go to the gas station to get a snack or go out to eat. And he associates buying things with love.

I was wondering if you had any advice for my husband and I on how we can kind of help him know, hey, we love you a ton, but this is the family goal that we have. We have so many other kids you know we want to make sure that you're feeling loved but in a way that that's also going to help our family progress at the same time yeah i love that question and thank you so much for your heart and trust um with that question how old is he uh He's eight. Oh, beautiful. Okay. So here's a couple of things you can do with an eight-year-old and any kid that suffered a traumatic injury or traumatic relationship break. Good for you for getting him professional help. Good for you for going through the gnarly, messy, gritty transition to get full custody.

I know that's not fun or pleasurable for anybody. He's going to have some healing to do. Some things you can do with an eight-year-old involve asking him to take ownership and leadership of helping with the younger kids. He's going to have to be built up from the inside out. I'll put it that way. Right now, he's got a lot of external plugs to internal holes and those things leak. They don't work. And so you can't plug up hurt or missed relationships or gap in connection with toys and food and things.

But for the eight year old mind, it, it band-aids over to the next day to the next day, the next day. So you're in for a long transition, but it's going to be quicker than you think. What he will need more than anything else is your direct attention, your love and direct connection. And those sound dramatic and hard with four and five on the way for you. That's going to be hard. Your husband's going to have to step in that gap in a

major way. But these are little things like, Hey, will you grab one of the other kids and let's go outside and play soccer this afternoon? And he's going to say, I want to think and say, I know I got you, but I want you to come out and play soccer with me. Or can you help take these other two kids? Would you go read to them? Would you go show them what a big brother does when, right? And so what you want to do is you're going to build him. You're going to heal him from the inside out. And that's through ownership, teaching him leadership.

And here's going to be the hard part. You're going to have to teach him boundaries. Kids crave, desperately crave boundaries and he's never had them or the ones he had were fake and they fell over. Somebody else propped them up and there is going to be a transition time. It's going to be painful. It's going to be annoying. You're going to think, are we doing the right thing? The answer is yes, but you're going to have to put up some firm boundaries. If you help with X, Y, and Z, then you can earn your way to some own money

of your own that you can buy your own toys with. And then he's going to smash up against those things to see if they hold. He's going to crash against your boundaries and see, are they strong? Do they really love me and care about me? And that's a process he's going to have to learn. And it's going to take, that's going to take a couple of years. And so you just got to buckle up with that one. But I would start with ownership, leadership, asking him to take an active participant, older brother leadership role in the house and then catch him being good.

Yeah. Praise him when he does right. Don't just look for the things, oh, we don't talk like that in the house. Find him when he acknowledges that one little sibling who said, can I get some water? And he grabs a cup and does it. Pull him aside and look him in the eye and say, hey, thank you for doing that. That's right.

Thank you for being a leader in this house. And he will heal from the inside out. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to be fun. But, man, you will help that boy grow from the inside out. And you're talking about a transitioned, changed legacy for that young man. That's amazing. And, John, you know, you start to hear this and obviously I hear eight year old, but you can easily start to know adults who have grown

accustomed to love being shown by the purchasing of something. That's right. Right. And it is this process of trying to gain love by buying. And what you'll find is some people have such a hole inside of them that there ain't enough gifts or time that you can deposit in there that's ever going to make a difference. That's right. I often, and same with work, right? Like I just need to make more money. I need to be at a different company, a bigger company. And I always tell folks, man, the worst part about getting a new job, the worst part about getting a new car, the worst part about getting a new husband or wife, is that you go with you. You're the one that gets behind that wheel.

And two weeks later, you're going to realize, that didn't work. I need a faster car, a bigger car, right? You go with you. And so what you can do with an eight-year-old is remind him, no, we're with you. You're a person of value. You're more important than a toy. You're more important than another sugar drink or whatever it is. You've got value because we love you.

You've got value just because you're in our home. Hey, real quick for parents that are dealing with split homes. But this little boy's situation, let's say he's going there every other week. Right. And so the work you do with him as it's moving forward, then he goes back to Disneyland or Toyland. And then coming back. So, you know, you would think for Kelsey and her husband, they're going to have to have the long haul.

You're playing a long game. It's a long game. You're playing a long game. And one day that 22-year-old is going to look back and say, I was loved. Yes. I was loved. That's good. I got high one place.

I was whole in another place. It's a long game, but you're doing a holy right work when you do that. And Kelsey, make sure you and your husband are staying connected. That's right. You guys are able to verbalize your irritations, your frustrations, as well as the celebrations. Do this stuff together. We love you, Kelsey. Yes, this is The Dave Ramsey Show. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about you but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique.

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To learn more and get this month's Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIP6.com. That's GRIP6.com. Welcome back to the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney, and we have had a blast. Now, listen, you've still got time. Just pick up the phone. Give us a call, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Or you can find us on social media, at Ramsey Show. You can find John at John Deloney. You can find me at Chris Hogan, three 60. We'd love to seriously have you follow us. Uh, one of the things we're intentional about is to making sure that we're pushing out information, staying connected and truly giving you life changing information. Uh, that's the goal here at Ramsey solutions. And I want to remind all of you out there that John and I both are a part of the Ramsey Network, meaning I have my show, The Chris Hogan Show, which is a caller-driven show. I'm talking to people about building wealth and retiring with

their goals and dreams. And John has his show, The Dr. John Deloney Show, where he's dealing with life, anxiety, emotions, and helping people really get connected so they can pursue and be the best versions of themselves. And so you've got an opportunity not only to listen to our show, but to watch us on YouTube. I want to encourage you to subscribe as you go over that way. Every time a new episode comes out, it's automatically just sent to you, but you've got a great opportunity to be able to share that with family and friends. I think in this day and age right now, with all

that's going on, we are so quick to share restaurants. We will share a recipe. We'll even share a song, right? But when's the last time you shared information with someone that might help them heal a relationship or to help them begin to dream a little bit differently. See, that's where we have to also have that ability to be able to share real life information. And this is no better time to do it than right now. And so I want to encourage you to check out the Ramsey Network. Rachel Cruz is there, Christy Wright, Ken Coleman, Anthony O'Neill, Dr. John Deloney, myself, we're all on there. And even Dave.

We even let Dave be a part of it. And so you can check it out and get connected with us. We'd love to hear from you. All right, we're getting on the phones. We're going to go to Detroit, Michigan. Got Shauna on the line. Shauna, how can John and I help you? Hi there.

It's such an honor to talk to you both. Well, thank you. What's on your mind today well um my husband is like miserable at his current job and yes and he but he just received a tentative job offer for his dream job he says says. It's within the same agency, but we would have to relocate. And they will not tell us where until they give us the final offer, and then we only have 48 hours to respond. What? Oh, my.

Okay, hold on. It's his dream job. What is this dream job? Is it for the CIA or something? Well, he told me i couldn't be too specific but he does work for the federal government okay i was right you oh man we're gonna have people rappelling down through the roof yeah i know right i didn't say them letters but but here's so once you find a you don't know where it is. Once you do find out where, you've got 48 hours to decide.

Yeah. Okay. There's, like, way more details. Hey, Shawna, listen. Listen, Shawna, that's not the problem. I heard in your voice when you said this is his dream job, so he says. Yeah. You don't believe him.

No, no, no no i'm sorry i do i do believe him i i do believe him i do so why why do you struggling with getting on board okay well so there's a lot just with me. Okay, so if he takes the position, at first there is a pretty significant pay cut. Okay. After 90 days, he would be back to his current salary. Okay. I also work full-time, and my parents here in Michigan can watch our babies. Mm-hmm. So, obviously, when we relocate, I would lose my salary and I would stay at home with the babies.

I have been looking into like work from home jobs. I don't really know how realistic that is with my two-year-old and four-year-old running around. But, you know, we are currently in baby step number two. We own a home now and it's beautiful and I love it. But when we sell, we are in baby step two, we wouldn't be able to purchase a home right away when we move down there. We are committed to the Ramsey plan. And so we have a long way to go. And I just feel like right now, we are not financially ready to be a single income family. And we're like two years, maybe two and a half years away from being debt free and, you know, having our emergency fund.

And I think that's like when it would be amazing to move and relocate and do all the wonderful things. But he is, he's so miserable and he loves his family life and everything, but he just can't, he's just so unhappy with it. How long has he been doing this job shauna um well he's been doing the job for nine years but um he just currently went to this he's been in this position for five years and so has he been miserable for five or for the last five months no it's been the first day he was like oh man so shauna this isn't shauna this isn't a math problem and this is not a baby steps problem or in two years this

would be a great time my wife and i took a seventy thousand dollar household income pay cut because i wasn't well it wasn't the right job for me in the right season. Within six months, we moved to a new town. I started a new job and we begin a trajectory now financially that neither of us could have ever wrapped our head around. Our marriage is in a place we never could have wrapped our head around. So that's not the issue. The issue sounds like it's a values issue. And that you love your house, you love your family, you love the security, you love the idea of a plan,

and you got a husband who has been grinding it out, as you said, five years, nine years, in a job that he hates to support you guys. And then somebody finally tapped him on the shoulder. And he's now in a position to choose between a wife who loves the security and the plan and her family, which isn't a bad thing. This is all good stuff versus, oh my gosh, man, I could actually breathe at work. And so y'all are going to have to have a

long-term values conversation that is not about math right now. It's not about staying on the plan or off. It's bigger than that. This is a, who are we going to be? Is it going to be six months? Is it going to be a year? Is it going to be two and a half years? And that's a much bigger conversation that I'm going to steal this from my friend Chris Hogan here. That's a dream and an HD question. What do we want five years to look like from now? What do we want three years?

Who's at that table? Where are our kids? What am I doing professionally? What are you doing professionally? That's way bigger than a math problem. And that's not something to be had when he comes home from work and be like, we've got to talk about this tonight. That's something y'all going to have to drop your kids off at your grandparents' house, get out for a day and dream. And listen, and you're absolutely right, John.

And this is going to be a low and slow conversation, Shauna, because all he's hearing right now is his dream job, right? He is thinking escape and, you know, the golden parachute. And we got to slow down and we got to start to look at this. I've been there in that path coming out of grad school, thinking that this one path was going to be the way that did everything. And it wasn't. I had to think long and hard. And you're right.

The importance of having family near you, the value of being able to have with the young kids, the support, the house. I think this is one of those things my grandmother used to tell me, if you've got to decide fast, then don't. Meaning if it's something that comes to you with this short window of opportunity, and you've got to hurry up and make a fast decision don't do fast decisions do focused ones meaning that i want to think this through and you know what i'm okay letting some stuff appear to slide by or to miss just to go it wasn't it was a mirage but also but also chris it's a mirage to say it's a 48 hour decision because they know several months in advance that is talking, right?

That's right. So even when I sat down with Dave, after talking with him for nine months, he looked at me and said, you've got 48 hours. We've been talking for a long time, right? That's right. And so they've got to pre-plan that conversation. If we get the offer, what are we going to do? Then what? And so you guys, as John said, have that date night, have the conversation, line up the values and find out, hey, how are we making this decision?

And I want to encourage, as John said, to make not just a five-year decision, but a two-year. Where do we want to be in two years? And what's the path that leads us to it? This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And we are excited. I mean, the phone calls you all have had this hour have been fantastic.

So I want you to pick up the phone. You still have time. 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We'd love to hear from you. Also, find us on social media at Ramsey Show. You can send in your question via social media or you can hunt John down at John Deloney or me at Chris Hogan 360. I, too, have a show that you can listen to and find at any of the places you listen to podcasts.

It's just the Chris Hogan Show. You can look it up. We have a lot of fun. We take calls. I've got a panicked and pumped segment where people get a chance to reach out and talk to me about things that they're panicked about or that they're pumped about. And then I also have a did you know. It's where I give you an opportunity to give you some new information that maybe you didn't know. Some of it comes from my books.

Other times it comes from just new information and research. But I love the fact that I have my VIPs. That's what I call my listeners, send me in articles that they bump into, things that they think might get me riled up, or things that get me excited, and so they'll send that in. The email address is ask at chrishogan360.com. So, at any rate, we'd love to hear from you, but let's get on the phone here. We've got William calling in from Cali.

William, how can we help you? Hello. I have a question about my finances. Okay. So I recently got a $250,000 settlement, and I used $50,000 to get me through COVID, pay off my debt. And, yeah, so also looking for a place to live. So with the $200,000, I put an offer for a mobile home, $110,000.

And I'm wondering, is it better to get a house or just keep investing? Because I put $80,000 into stocks. Right. And I'm not sure if a mobile home really, because they say it's a bad investment. Right. William, the $250, what did that $250,000 settlement come from? Pretty much I had a vape explode in my pocket. Oh, wow.

And I had to pay for medicals and all that. And so you had $50,000 in debt. You paid it off? I had like $20,000 in debt, and I paid it all off. Great. And I pretty much stopped working for six months. Okay. But you don't have any more debt right now?

No. Okay. So here's what I'd say. Do you have a fully funded emergency fund yet? Yeah, I have $120,000 in my bank account, so I could just put $10,500. Okay. All right. So here's the mindset.

Here's the thing about mobile homes that most people aren't aware of, is that it's a titled vehicle. Meaning, just like a boat or motorcycle or a car, it's a titled vehicle. So there's depreciation every year, not appreciation. Appreciation is the good stuff, brother. That's where things are growing. That's a home and things like that. Value is increasing. So with a mobile home, it's actually going to decrease each year.

Here's the flip side of it also, William, is that you're going to have to pay lot rent if you buy a mobile home. That means you're paying for the land that it's on each and every month. So I would say you'd be better suited, carve off a three to six month emergency fund, put that over in the money market account, and let's begin to look and save for a down payment on a home home. I mean, I'm even fine with a manufactured home if it's attached to land, but I would not, I definitely would not go the route of a mobile home. Uh, not, not a depreciating asset. I really and truly wouldn't. And in Cali, you know, uh, the housing market, I mean,

California charges for air out there. I mean, that's the bottom line. Uh, but you, you gotta be really intentional about the location in which you buy and more importantly, the timing, my friend. And so I'm glad to hear your health is back. I'm glad to hear you're on a path. But don't let this money burn a hole in your pocket. I love that you're investing, working with a smart investor pro, starting to think this through. But let's get you a job, get yourself back up on your feet and be intentional about this.

This money didn't just come from the sky. It came at a price. And so I'm glad to hear your health is back and that you're being intentional because you paid off debt. I'm very, very proud of you. But don't let it burn a hole in your pocket and get too antsy. Because if you buy a home before you're prepared for it, it can end up being more of a curse than a blessing. So thank you, buddy, for reaching out. Wow. You know, John, when people call in and they are dealing with either life insurance money

or settlement money, you know, all of those things come at a price, you know? And so it's one of those things I typically will tell people, park that money for three to six months, breathe, get some clarity before you run and do. Because I've had people get settlements or life insurance and you start trying to medicate with stuff. No, dude, listen to me. A guy got a home free and clear from his grandparents. I talk about this in my first book, retire inspired. He got into day trading to try to just keep his mind, took out a mortgage on this free home, ended up going up to $200,000 in debt.

And this was a home that was supposed to be a blessing. I'll never forget him sitting across from me and he goes, I squandered a blessing from my grandparents. He goes, and until I pay it off, I'm going to feel the weight of that. And I was like, oh, the lump in my throat. Because you felt for him. That's exactly right. You know?

And so trying to medicate, careful out there people uh and when you get that kind of money that falls out of the sky that way you got a hundred different people speaking into your into your ears oh my god everybody's got an idea you know what you should be doing you should be doing you should be doing and i'm so good for him for getting some wisdom slowing down a little bit yeah i'm proud of you william for reaching out and asking buddy um and you know what and that's's key. It's crucial. I think the more information we get, the more informed decisions we can make for ourselves. I really and truly do. Okay. Listen, it comes to insurance. I am amazed that people will stay with an insurance company for 27,000 years. I said it, 27,000. Never get another quote. Never find out

if you can save yourself some money or not. So here's the deal. A lot of times, people aren't aware that you've got an opportunity to be able to try to save some money. Some car insurance has already started giving credits for about 15% of the premium. Now, if you're confident that you're already paying the lowest price, then good. You do that. But if you're not, I don't want you to settle for some skimpy $70 savings when you may be able to save a whole lot more by shopping your rates. And I'm talking about your insurance. So to see if you can save more, connect with an endorsed local provider or one of our ELPs. That's what ELP stands for, endorsed local provider. These are people that we trust,

that we know how they're going to treat you. So here's the deal. You can do this. You can get this quote sitting at your couch. You can have somebody be shopping rates for you to see if you can save. So most people who work with an endorsed local provider save around 700 bucks. And after coronavirus, I mean, we, you and I both know every penny counts. So never again should you put your insurance on autopilot and overpay. You'll have someone to shop for you, saving you time and money. So here's the deal. Text the word auto to 33789.

Again, text the word auto to 33789. You'll get an opportunity to find out if there's a way for you to save some money. And money saved is a good thing. I love it. Yeah, you got a great opportunity. So, John, tell me this. With your show, what kind of calls are you getting these days? We are getting marriage calls, dating calls, mental health issues, parenting.

How do I plug in as a grandparent? I got calls on. How do I tell my as a grandparent? I got calls on. How do I tell my mom that I had a kid a few years ago and gave it up for adoption? And we haven't had that conversation yet. How do I? Goodness gracious. I discovered something on my husband's phone. It wasn't completely cheating.

Was it cheating? Was it not cheating? Man, we're getting the gamut. And I'm learning, Chris. People are hurting, and we have lost the ability in our culture to ask questions. Because it used to be if you were a jerk, we as a group, as a society, said don't be a jerk. Right.

And now we reward it. And now the further outside the boundaries you go, the further questions you have, hey, I'm just wondering about this. Man, we're going to go ahead and judge you for even asking on either side of any conversation. And what I'm finding is people are calling just because they've got nowhere to turn.

They can't ask their questions at work. They can't ask their questions to their friends. They can't ask their questions to church. And they just want somebody to be honest with them and to not hate on them. Ah, so here's the deal.

Check out John Deloney's show. Dr. John Deloney. You can email him. john at ramsay solutions.com uh it's a great opportunity to be able to learn and grow where you are right now doesn't have to be where you end up unless you stop this is the dave ramsey show Thank you. today's scripture comes from second chronicles 15 7 but as for you be strong and do not give up for your work will be rewarded today's quote is from theodore Roosevelt. In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing. Wow.

Love those opportunity to be able to get those shot in the arm, obviously, of the scripture as well as the quote. And great opportunity. And, you know, I think regardless of where you are right now, really acknowledging and identifying that you have the opportunity to be able to grow forward. And that to me is a beautiful thing. And I think not only should we be pushing and driving for ourselves, but let's also reach out and grab some others. Do me a favor. I'm sure you have four or five members of your family that maybe you've not checked in on in a while. I want you to pick up the phone, text them, call them, and check on them. Let's reach out. Let's start to break down some of these barriers connecting with people.

And I know everybody can tell me that you're busy, I got this or that to do, but to be able to sit and take 10 or 15 minutes to catch up is unbelievable. Now, don't get me wrong. We all have members of the family that it's a guaranteed hour phone call. Don't take those calls. Or, I'm just playing. Put it on speakerphone and go vacuum. That's true.

But text them. But reach out. Let's start to know what's going on with people. Find out how you can pray for them or what's going on. Just let's break down the barriers. And I know COVID has caused us to become more shut in and more secluded. And I want us to do the opposite. I want us to start to be more intentional of reaching out, checking on people.

And you can go by and check on your neighbor. You can knock on the door and be at six or eight feet. Just say, hey, is there anything you need? Especially if you've got some elderly neighbors where you might be able to pick up some things for them from the store. You know, let's just start to have a little bit more of a community mentality with this. elderly neighbors where you might be able to pick up some things for them from the store. Let's just start to have a little bit more of a community mentality with this. We are all in this together.

We are. We really are. And on November 4th after the election, we're still going to be getting gas next to each other. We're still going to be standing in line to order food next to one another. We're still going to be getting groceries by each other. Nothing is going to change. We're going to put a different human or maybe the same in the office.

It's not a savior. No. We are still going to have to get our own cape. We're still going to have to work our own financial plan. We're all still going to have to have a budget, an emergency fund, save for our futures. Again, and I don't know why we go through this every four years thinking that, hey, we're going to solve it this time. No,

we're not. We've been voting for a long time the bottom line is it boils down to us what's our mindset what's our focus and moving forward and how are we going to handle things that's the reality who do you love and who loves you at the end of the day who do you love and who loves you right oh that's good that's it who do you love who loves you huh and when there's a gap in that chris we've got it we've got it we've got a a question we ask ourselves what is your worth and that's a number for us man yeah that question the answer to that question is never a number no it is not the answer to what are you worth is who do you love and who loves you that's so good right because you matter you matter people uh people good. Right? Because you matter. You matter. To people.

People are counting on you. And you know the crazy thing that I've realized in this life stuff is that even as we walk through things, and sometimes you have to push, pull, or drag yourself, people are watching. Everybody's watching. They're wanting to see how you handle it. Everybody's watching. How you respond. And I've had some friends walk through some tough health situations, dealing with breast cancer or the loss of a family member or X, Y, and Z.

And I'm telling you, I am so proud of people who are clear, who refuse to do life alone, and that even in those challenges, they're clear on where they're going and, more importantly, why they're going forward. I love it. And that, to me, is a testament. And me, it's one of those heart touching things of courage when you see people walk through a tough thing, um, and they don't allow it to defeat them. That's right. They really and truly don't, or they know they're falling and they reach out and say, Hey, I need some help. Help me up. That's right. Yep. You know, and the beauty of it is, is let's be aware enough to be able to reach out and you

ain't even got to ask them. That's when you know you're connected. When you can come and you can just reach and you give someone a word or a kind action and you have no idea the ripple of effect of you giving that handshake or that half hug or just that kind word, the deposit that it'll make in a soul with somebody that maybe hadn't heard anything in a long time. We've got an opportunity to make a difference. What we have to do is an opportunity to make a difference. What we have to do is be willing to give the effort. All right, you all, you are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show.

I want you to call us, 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. We would love to be able to talk to you. All right, let's get to line three. We've got Megan on the line. Oh, I have wanted to say this ever since I was there about 12 years ago. Megan, tell me if I get it right. Calling in from Walla Walla, Washington. That's right. Yes. I've been wanting to say that. I've been to Yakima. I've been to all the places. I've always wanted to say that. So anyway, Megan, how can John and I help you? Hi. Well, thanks for taking my call, you guys. So my husband and I, we got married on

September 26th of this year. And we, as a gift to ourselves, our wedding gift to ourselves, we bought ourselves a membership to Ramsey Plus. And last night was our first Financial Peace University course. So we're learning to budget. All right. And we came across the giving category. Let me preface this with we are both givers to our core. We absolutely want to give as much as we can. But when we were looking at our budget, and we're done with Baby Step 1, so we're on Baby Step 2,

our household, based on the 10% amount, that would be anywhere from $580 to $700 a month of giving. And my husband, when we were looking at this, he's the free spirit. He said, couldn't that be spent better on the debt? So should we be giving less when we're in baby step two and focusing it towards that? Or I guess that's the question. How much should we be giving right now? Yeah. Well, Megan, this is one of those people oftentimes will call and ask this. And, you know, what I tell people is that the giving starts at the top. Like, you know, for a lot of people, they'll look at it and they do the budget, and then based on what's left, then they have the giving.

So I'm going to say just from a value standpoint, when you have it at the top, what you do then is you make space for the other things. And so as my friend John here would say, it's a values-based kind of thing as far as how you're going to approach it. So that's the key thing for you all to make the decision about. You know, the 10%, do you start there, and then you start to look, and the groceries and the other things start to fit in post that. And it just, it's a matter of what you're putting as a preference. Now, here's the other side of this. You know, the reality is, as a Christian, I understand my job is to steward, meaning I don't own. The Lord owns it. My job is to guide it and manage it to the best of the ability.

And so, you know, I'm aware enough that if he wanted it, he'd take it. And so it's that spiritual kind of stance with it. Mathematically speaking, yes. Could you do more with that money? Yes. However, could you also have done more if you didn't go into debt yes so we we don't want to play the the three-card money game with this i want to get real with it and it's a matter of where you stand megan how did the conversation go in your house

um it's actually kind of funny so So we were watching, we watched the video digitally last night and then had our course. And we were, when Rachel Cruz said 10%, we paused the video and I told my free spirit how much that equals. And he pointed out that we only budgeted, you know, like $150 for our dog. And we were kind of talking about the giving, going to the humane society and a local church we were kind of talking about the giving, going to the Humane Society and a local church and just kind of brainstorming. And so we ended up putting like $50 down, but it doesn't feel right. I feel like we should be doing more. We're not even at a $0 budget right now. We have room for it. So it was just, I guess that just feels like

a lot of money when you're staring at a pile of debt. Yeah, so like Chris was mentioning, it does feel like a lot of money. And I've played both ways. So when I owed a lot of money, we didn't give very much. We tried to pay out of debt. And it became a values issue. It became an answer to not a math problem, but a who are we problem. And I like to, like Chris said, I like to do my big rocks first.

So I want to pay myself first. I want to give first. And then I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do that month after that. Right. And so it's less of a conversation about what's the number. And it's more, honey, who are we? Yeah. And in our young marriage, who are we going to be?

And I'm going to tell you this, Megan, as you look at this, I have never seen anybody that's done giving that ended up regretting it. Listen, I want to thank all the callers for taking the time to call in. I want to thank all of you for tuning in. I want to thank Ben Hill, our producer. I want to thank associate producer Kelly Daniel. And I want to thank all of you for taking the time to

tune in. John, you did a great job today. You're getting better at this, Christopher. It's good to hang out with you, brother. This has been the Dave Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.