The Ramsey Show - App - My Brother Is Stealing Money From Our Disabled Mother (Hour 3)

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I am Dr. John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and good friend Rachel Cruz, and we are taking your calls on your relationships, on your money, on that upcoming wedding, on what to do in the baby steps. We're taking your calls on life and money.

888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. And Rachel, we've said it every segment. I've got to say it one more time at least. Tonight is the big money and marriage event. That's right. You and I are going to have an adventure down in the TV studios here. We're going to beam it to many more thousands of families than we thought, right?

All over the country. Tell them all about the event. Yes. We're so excited about this, you guys. It's our money and marriage event on Valentine's weekend. That was on purpose. The love in your marriage we're going to talk about tonight. But really, what does it look like? What does it look like to have a better marriage? And I think what's interesting is

where we are right now in history for some people, it's a struggle. It's a struggle financially. It's a struggle in their marriage. They are just having the worst year of their life, people have said. And on the other extreme, some people have said, oh no, my business has been booming financially. We're doing great. Or my marriage, no, we've wanted to spend more time together now. We're not traveling for work and we get to be home and it's what we really wanted. So it's this extreme when it comes to these two subjects of money and marriage.

So I love that right now, not only is it Valentine's weekend, but we're diving into it in this world of 2021 and the craziness that we went through in 2020 to really get, no matter where you are on the spectrum, to get you to a place where you know each other deeper, you love each other better, all of it, and working on the same page when it comes to your money. One of the things I've heard, we get the bell curve, right? We get the way outside here, the long tail here, the long tail here. My marriage is better than it's ever, ever been. We had to figure some stuff out this year. And then with the politics and the election and COVID response, all this stuff, we've got folks over here going, I don't know who you are, right? I have no idea who I married. Right. I kind of knew. I just never asked. And now we super know.

And then you've got millions of people in the middle, Rachel, who, man, they've actually become really great coworkers. They've become, they've turned their home, their work from home, their homeschool from home into a well-oiled machine. They don't like it. It's not optimal, but they've figured it out. They've become great roommates. But, man, they've lost that desire, right? That spark. Like at the end of the night, dude, I'm going to bed.

Like I've seen you all day. We're good. High five. Good night, right? And there's the other side of it, right? Which is folks still figuring out the chaos of that home, right? So wherever you happen to be, tonight is for you. We're going to give you some actual real tools that you can put into practice tomorrow.

Yes. That you can wake up tomorrow. Yeah, and. We said it earlier, but it's true. Yeah, you're not going to just sit there, be bored. The last thing I want right now. Your spouse dragged you to watch this thing for an hour and a half, and you thought, man, we could be watching Yellowstone.

But no, here we are. John and Rachel are sitting on a chair lecturing us. It's not going to be like that at all. It's going to be super fun. We're going to have fun, man. So hang out to us. Go to DaveRamsey.com to get your tickets. DaveRamsey.com slash shows. Get your tickets. And we going to be super fun. We're going to have fun, man. So hang out to us. Go to DaveRamsey.com to get your tickets. DaveRamsey.com slash shows. Get your tickets.

And we hope to see you there. It's going to be a good time. And if you're a Ramsey Plus member, you get it for free. Log in tonight on your Ramsey Plus membership and you can stream it for free. If you've been thinking about doing the Ramsey Plus free trial, you can get online, get the Ramsey Plus free trial, and get this event

tonight free too. There's a bunch of ways to watch, but we hope to see you there this evening. Let's kick it out to Christine in New Zealand. Hey, Christine, what's going on? Good, thanks. How are you guys? Super. What's going on?

How can we help? Calling from New Zealand. Christine, what time is it there? It's 10 a.m. Okay, very nice. Okay, what's your question for us? We're currently on baby step three, but looking forward to our next step, which potentially might be baby step 3B.

But we've got a unique situation, and where we work, we live on the site, and that is for free. And we plan to have this job for, you know, the next 10 to 15 years. So just wondering whether we do Baby Step 3B or move on to 4. So you are, yeah, that is a unique position because my, so I kind of have, I had two answers flash through my head as you were speaking. One of them is, I mean, yeah, if you're going to be in that business for 10 years, you don't have to pay for housing, start investing, start looking, you know, if your kids are going to get a higher education outside of high school, what that looks like to save for, start working that and just be saving a ton during that time,

which is amazing. But then the other part of me is like, man, but I would love for you guys to invest and have real estate. I mean, a paid for home is a big part of people's overall financial plan and how they win long term is having that. That's such a big asset that I would hate for you guys to completely miss out on. So for you guys, is home ownership something that you really want down the road eventually? Yeah, yeah. So I guess we're quite young still. I'm 32 and my husband's 37. So when we potentially leave this job, which we really really love so that's why we're planning not to

do anything anytime soon but we don't want to walk away with um you know like we'd love to walk away with a pile of money that we've saved that we can put a huge down payment on something yes um and yeah obviously um have a smaller mortgage at that point. Because just with our job and where we live as well, we don't really want to own something whilst we're in this job. Because we don't really want to be, you know, landlords or anything like that. And we can't really dedicate time to get back to the house for maintenance and stuff like that. No, absolutely. Yeah.

So I think, yeah, I think you're in a great position, just like you said. I would definitely start investing. And then on the side, no, hey, we have a 10-year goal that we want to put 50% down on a home or 75% or 100% down, whatever it is, and to look out and have that goal out there that you guys are working at together. And I think that's perfect. Hey, Christine, what's your job? Where do you all work?

I don't think you have them over there, but we're motel managers. So we provide accommodation. And part of that is we have our house attached to the reception. So we're on site all the time. So I had the opportunity for the last, gosh, 15 years really to work with colleges and universities. And one of my roles there was working with folks who lived on campus, you know, in the residence halls with these students. These are extraordinary people. The work you do, it never ends.

It's 365, 24-7. But they lived on campus. And what I would tell you is I always had folks who had multi-year plans. I'm going to do this for three to seven years and I'm going to get this. There's an accelerated aging that comes with living where you work. Right. And so it begins, you have a 10 year plan and then two years in, it's like, well, I'm not a five year plan.

Right. It's just a lot to ask of yourself. And there's something eventually where you want your own yard. You want to have your own rules. You don't want to have people knocking on your door at 3, 4 in the morning or whatever just as a part of that gig. It's a great point. So, yeah, I'm with you there. Save up that money.

And, man, being able to put 100% down on a house, how cool is that, right? But your quality of life in that type of job is – It's a big, big deal. It's a sacrifice. That's a great point. So yeah, stock that money away, invest, and then when you're ready to transition out, whether it's in two years or 10 years,

and you'll be able to smile at the mortgage office with what you're able to put down. Thanks for the call, Christine. This is The Ramsey Show. Imagine the day you submit the last payment on your debt and you finally have extra money to spend and save how you want. For some of you, that day feels like it will never come. I get it. I've been there.

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33789. INSURANCE. Text it to 33789. Alright, let's go to Tommy in Ventura, California. Tommy, what's up, man? How we doing? Hey, Rachel and John.

Thanks for taking my call. You got it, brother. What's going on? John, I'm a huge fan of yours. And when you step down off that wagon, I'm team gummy candy all the way with you. Hey, listen, I am in partnership with a Navy SEAL right now, and I have to text him every day how many days I am sober from sugar. Otherwise, I've got a hard, hard workout. It's hard right now, man.

There are some things. Yeah, you're going to get me all thinking about gummy candy, man. You're going to get me all screwed up, Tommy. So what's up, brother? So I'm 29 years old, and I own a wedding venue with my wife. A few years ago, we got hit by the wildfires and we were forced to shut down until we rebuilt. We're finishing up our permits right now. We should be open next year. And through our downtime, we revamped our business plan to being solely focused on the venue to kind of being all inclusive to include the

venue rentals, food all the way down to wedding planning planning so we have a friend who is a part-time wedding planner in the past she has been vocal and clear that she wants to work for us one day in the past we were open to it but we know now that we're not going to employ her because she doesn't have the experience we want and in the past we've been burned from hiring friends so we've just made a rule that we're not going to hire friends but we'll recommend them we have not told her our plans for expansion, but we feel we should let her know what's happening in us hiring full-time planners and not hear it through the grapevine. We want to be kind and compassionate to her, but also preserve the friendship. We know it's not going to be an easy conversation and that there will be hurt feelings, but we want to still have that friendship. And we want to go about it in a wise way.

I want to see what you guys have to say. Man, who are you, dude? Every time I think the Internet's making me just sad about the future, I get to talk to a Tommy from Ventura, man. He reminds me that there are so many extraordinary people out there. Tommy, here's the thing. This is one of those conversations that is going to be hard, and it's a blessing at the same time.

I would tell you the number one thing that you and your wife need to do going into it is have exactly what you're going to say. And it's going to sound dorky, but maybe even go over it with each other. Write down what you want to say and what you communicate. One of the things that people do when they talk to loved ones in hard conversations is they start babbling and they start over communicating and over apologizing and over everything and then next thing you know she's either hired or you've gone one step too far it's because you're not accountable right you just say too much and so keep it short keep it like i mean your heart you're going to be a person of dignity

you're going to treat her like a person of dignity which is awesome the second thing I would do is really go into it with an open heart knowing you can't hold the outcome here if she chooses to hate you guys that's her choice not it's not as a result that y'all did the right thing for you and your family and your business okay and anytime you have these vulnerable conversations these truth-telling conversations are never comfortable. And this happens with marriages. This happens with kids and their parents. It happens with employees.

It happens all the time. The, the, if you got this skill of having hard conversations, being short, direct, um, you know,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, say it directly. Don't beat around the bush. Now you, we love you, but we, we're not going to be able to employ you at this time. We've got this entire vision. We need someone with a lot of experience.

You're not quite there yet. We're so grateful. We love you as a friend. I know this is super hard for everybody. We hope you'll still be our friend in the future. We'll love to use you if we can, but right now we're not going to bring you on. And that's the end of the conversation. Okay. Do you, do you guys recommend like an in-person just like informal, like a breakfast lunch or what would you say is the best way to do that? Kelly and James are laughing at me because I love having conversations over breakfast. This is one, it depends on the level of your friendship. This is one that feels simple enough for me and quick enough for me that I don't know that I would. It definitely, definitely has to be in person.

Definitely need to meet in person there. But it could be over coffee. It could be a broader conversation. I don't think it needs to. This one feels pretty slow, pretty quick, unless this is somebody that you are super tight with. Your kids play together. Y'all have been through the ringer together. Y'all went to college together. Something like that where it's going to be,

I'm going to go over to your house and we're going to have a conversation. I've made a few of those in my lifetime. That's great. Just not over text. Don't do anything over text, right? That's what I thought. Yeah, and man, I'm grateful for your heart, Tommy.

That's good. Rachel, what do you think? Yeah, for sure. And I would say, yeah, I think you and your wife being on the same page. I know conversations that Winston and I have had to be in together. We know we have a plan a plan going in so no i don't think that's cheesy at all john i think that's very very wise and such a great point that people babble that is me

i will like go keep keep going keep going keep going oh my god i've just said too much and then all of a sudden i've hired him yeah i've i've i didn't hire him for this i think you're great yeah that's right and We're hiring a full time nanny. It's going to be you. Right. Or you end up saying you try to defend yourself so

much. You insult somebody. That's right. That's right. That's right. You don't shoot him with respect and dignity and just just your whole spirit

about this Tommy is so good. And it's a good reminder for me to always remember who's the listener. Right. Who's the who's the person receiving this

information. That's right. Right. So good for you brother. All right? Who's the person receiving this information? That's right. So good for you, brother. All right, let's go to Jorge in Detroit, Michigan. Is it Jorge or George, brother? It's Jorge. How are you guys doing? Jorge, all right.

Good, man. What's going on? How can we help? Thanks for taking my call, first of all. Just wanted to give some advice to you guys. I listen to Dave Ramsey's show and you guys do it once in a while, so I know you guys are good, solid advice.

At the moment, I just kind of feel trapped. I'm 29. I started a business, a photography business, about three years ago. And the only reason I did that is because I was kicked out of high school in ninth grade. And I never went back. I never got no degrees or nothing.

I'll be honest. And I knew I had this talent, so I was just like, why not go ahead and pursue it, you know? So I started doing that, and I'm to the point where I'm doing pretty decent. My business is growing how I like it to be. And now I'm to a point where I have no degrees, but I'm an entrepreneur. I own my own business. I've been in rooms with people, and I work with people who have all these degrees, from Harvard to Spelman to

just, you name it. Doctors and lawyers and everything. I have no idea that I have no degrees. And I'm going to keep it that way. There you go. Good for you, brother. Yeah, the only thing I was questioning was this. Should I even consider maybe going back and getting that GED

or getting any degree at all? Or should I just keep striving the way I'm doing it and just see what I can do without it? That's my question to you guys. Man, Rachel, you mind if I hop in on this? Go, go, John. You're the answer. So there's a two-pronged answer to this, okay?

Tell me if I'm right or wrong here. Number one, you're real, real smart. And you probably lined up next to get, if I went and found 25 guys, I bet you would be confident that you would outwork them. Is that correct? Oh, for sure, for sure, yeah. And I bet you've got a standard of excellence

that rides real high. When you're dealing with people's photographs, you're dealing in the business of people's memories. And my guess is your attention to detail and excellence is high. Is that right? It is very correct, yeah. All right.

So when it comes to excellence, perseverance, hard work, you've got those three things. And you also have a demon in your soul about getting kicked out of school in ninth grade, don't you? I do. And there's something about you walking into that room where you know, I am just, everybody in this room put their pants on today. I've got value just like everybody in this room. But they told me back when I was 14 years old that I'm not good enough. Am I right?

You pretty much got it, yeah. All right, so here's the thing. You don't need to go to school to learn work ethic. You don't need to go to school, brother, to learn how to grind and talk to different people and learn all of these soft social skills. But if you're my best friend, if you and I were just hanging out and having a drink on the back patio, I would tell you, I want you to take that 14 year old boy, go get that GED for nobody else, but for you, nobody else, but for you. And there's some kind of closure, some kind of healing that's going to come from that.

Do you need it? No. But man, would it launch you? Yeah. So man, I want guys like you in my community, brother. It's so good. I say go get that GED. And if you don't, you're still good. Over the years, I've heard countless horror stories from listeners about being harassed by debt collectors, receiving calls at work on their cell phones, and some even getting yelled at and threatened.

That is not okay. There are laws against this. And there are people, attorneys, that can help make this stop if they are in fact breaking the law. Go to CollectionBully.com to learn more. Fill out a quick questionnaire that will identify if you are a victim of this type of illegal harassment. That's CollectionBully.com. this is the Ramsey show I'm John Deloney with my good friend Rachel Cruz

and we're taking your calls on money relationships and life 888-825-5225 it's 888-825-5225 Rachel we got a lot going on here on the Valentine's Day 5-2-2-5. It's 888-825-5225. Rachel, we got a lot going on here on the Valentine's Day extravaganzas, huh?

That's right. Valentine's Day, everyone. Sunday, don't forget it. And one of the big things when it comes to your money and to make progress is to be on the same page with your spouse. You have to learn to work together as a team, reach your goals as a team, and really seeing yourself as one. And to help to get on the same page, we have gathered some of our bestselling books, budgeting tools, and bundles for couples in one big sale. And you can save up to 83% on gifts that's going to help you reach your financial goals. So this is the last week for this sale. Do not miss it. And don't

miss again, our money marriage live stream, which is happening tonight. You can still get tickets. It's myself, Rachel Cruz, and Dr. John Zaloni will walk you through how to have a fun date night and have great conversations when it comes to your money. So you can visit DaveRamsay.com backslash store to get your live stream tickets and the Valentine's Day gifts to help you build a bright future with your spouse. And that sale ends February 14th, so Sunday. So you've been having these conversations with couples for years and years and years, long before I was around. Why is it so hard for couples to come together around their money?

I offhandedly mentioned something the other day about having a joint checking account. And you would have thought, you know what I mean? It was just like I was speaking a different language and it didn't occur to me that that was such a radical notion.

So you've been talking to these couples. Why is that was such a radical notion, right? So you've been talking to these couples. Why is that so hard for people to come together? I mean, I think it's a couple of things. I think ultimately we're told this lie out in our culture that, yeah, just because you're married, you still need to be independent. You still can't fully depend on your spouse. You still need to have your thing to make sure that you're okay in case something happens.

Like there's all these kind of messages or that you deserve to spend what you want. You make more money, so go and do it. Like there's like this division when it comes to money and it feels different. I don't know.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but it feels different than even parenting. It even feels different than like your relationship with your in-laws and like talking about boundaries like around holidays. Like all that feels, money still feels like it can be this independent entity It even feels different than your relationship with your in-laws and talking about boundaries around holidays. Money still feels like it can be this independent entity within marriage, and people believe that.

It's a tool. So I know over the last 25, 30 years, we've still got a long way to go as a country, but as women have gained more economic independence, it's shifted some conversations, right? Yes, Yes. Like it's women are, have more access, more accessibility, more ability to move in and out of, um, hard conversation, hard situations. But it feels like when, like when I was just thinking when you were saying this, when, when couples are, you're married, but you still need to make sure you're going to be okay. Yes. That's going into a situation, but leaving a crack in the door right which we all

know if you do that relationally you're just setting it up for it not to hold right yeah so I think we have been told that you still you need to run on these separate tracks so what does that end up doing that ends up literally ruining marriages because you'll see that money like you said it's just

a tool and so I talk about it in my new book but it's like so many life problems and marriage problems masquerade themselves as money problems. It's not really that you have a budgeting problem with your spouse. It's that you guys have no idea how to have empathy with each other. You have no idea how to communicate. Like it's other issues. It's coming out as money, but it's really some other things going on within the marriage. And it's like this band. It's like, oh, so people live these separate lives because it's just easier. Gotcha. Like, oh, yeah, it's just easier if he has his and I have mine.

And we will go 10 years just, quote, unquote, avoiding that big, hard conversation because it's, quote, unquote, easier, right? And then you end up in a... The wreck's coming either way, right? Right. You're going to have to have a conversation at some point. That's right. So so the avoidance of it people think that they're doing a great job and i'm like no no no and so that's hard to i think people are just opposites you know so like winston and i we from the beginning because we got married so young we have quote unquote you know been one when it

comes to our money we budget together all that but still to this day we just had this conversation it was two mornings ago about a big purchase I want to make. And I'm like, oh, okay, we have the money. Like, can we just do it? And he's like, man, I just don't know if I can follow the price tag, babe. He's like, because it's an experience. So it goes away after we do it. And he's like, how many more things can we buy?

Like, we're just opposite in how we want to even use money at times, right? And it takes this. It's a give and take of me hearing and understanding that, him hearing and understanding me, getting out of the place of neediness that I have in the purchase, his fear and what that really is, right? So there's like all these root issues. I mean, you can get to that and have a good conversation. Then you can say, hey, we are different, but we love each other well and serve each other

well. And there may be a give and take on certain months, but we make it work. So tell me if this analogy works. I had somebody or several people reach out and say, I would never have a joint checking account again. I'm never going to be unified in money because one time I got hurt real, real bad, right? Somebody, my previous girlfriend, a previous spouse took advantage of me. I'm never doing it again. Previous boyfriend took off with everything I have. I'm never doing it again. It's always going to be separate tracks from here on out.

And the analogy that went into my head is sometimes I've gone to a store and bought an appliance. And I took it home and plugged it in. And it worked for like a month and then it broke. Does that mean I should never have a refrigerator again? Right? It doesn't. It just means that I go through a hard process to get that whole thing out, box it back up, take it all the way back, get my money back.

It doesn't mean that it's broken just because you got hurt one time. That's right. You got to grieve it and feel it. And what makes me sad too is those people that make those absolute statements in their minds, they go into another relationship. They're setting themselves, I didn't think of that. And that other person now is having

to reap the terrible results of something that they didn't have anything to do with. So their absolute, their attempt to protect themselves is guaranteeing the next relationship isn't going to be successful. Yes, yes. And that poor other spouse or significant other is paying

the price for someone they didn't even know. And they're like, no. And instead of saying, hey, I'm going to be vulnerable and this is going to be hard and scary. And I got burned bad. Yes, but I'm going to allow myself to open up because that's going to show trust. Right? Within the marriage.

I don't know. You're the psychologist. Well, if you take, if you take the word vulnerability, a synonym for it is exposed, right? Yes. Yes. You are putting yourself in a position that somebody could hurt you. That's right. And that is the, unfortunately, the only way you can truly be loved is to be, to offer yourself up that way.

Yep. And if two people offer themselves up that way, then you can come together. That's right. If you hedge your bets in a relationship, man. So that's great wisdom. I appreciate that. I've been caught off guard by it. And I love-

Isn't it funny? That's like the one thing, if I post on social media, I can say, cut up your credit cards. I hate student loans. I can throw out these things. But if I say, join your checking accounts, you would think I ran over someone's dog. And I meant to. And was like, ha ha. Here I am in my car.

Being this terrible person. Oh, people get opinionated. But I can hear that it's scary. Right? That's right. If you've been hurt. If you've got no model for it. That's right.

But I want people to get beneath that and say, man, if you're going to be with somebody. If you're going to pledge, I'm going to be with you forever. That means you are all in. All cards on the table. Yeah, you're not joining your checking account with some dude you met at the bar. Right, man, if you're going to be with somebody, if you're going to pledge, I'm going to be with you forever, that means you are all in. All cards on the table. Yeah, you're not doing your checking out with some dude you met at the bar. Right, right, right. You're doing it with the person you're married to that you're committed to for life. Go all in.

You go into that marriage ceremony and say, we are doing this for life. That's what marriage is. When you go all in, you could lose, right? But that's a risk. That's the beauty of it. I love it. All right, let's go to Andrew in Toronto. Andrew, what's going on, man?

Hey, guys. How are you? Thank you for taking my call. It's awesome. You bet, man. What's up? So my question is that my fiance and I, we sat down, we spoke about baby steps.

We have just entered baby step number two. Very excited to get the snowball debt rolling. But then now it just hit me that we have a wedding to now prepare for save for just i i've kind of gone to like a roadblock like what would be this what would we what sorry what would the steps be do we stop with this with the baby step number two save for the wedding do both. Just kind of want to get your guys' take. So let's do this. Lucky for you, Andrew, we have a marriage and planning expert in Rachel Cruz right here. And also a baby step expert, all in one human being.

After the break, we'll come back and then we will pick up from there. You are listening to The Ramsey Show. Scripture of the day is 2 Corinthians 1.5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. Abraham Lincoln says, Be sure to put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. Good old Abraham Lincoln.

All right, so we're talking to Andrew in Toronto. Andrew, you are getting married, you are planning for a wedding, and you're in baby step two. You're also trying to pay off debt all at the same time. Do I got that about right? Yes, yes, sir. That's it. Okay, Andrew, how much will you guys be making together combined income after you get married? 110. Okay. And how much debt will you both have going into the marriage? That would be about probably $60,000. $60,000.

Okay. Okay. Well, so the rule with Baby Step 2 is when you have a big life event coming up, you know maybe you're getting laid off. You know, you'll be losing a job. Maybe you are pregnant and expecting. You have a wedding coming up. There is a time and place to pause the baby steps and to save on the side for this event that you know is coming up.

So that would be the same for the wedding. But for you guys, I mean, I, and again, there's not a, there's not a dollar amount specifically or a percentage that you guys need to save. I, number one, don't want you going into debt for the wedding. And then number two, you guys have debt So knowing okay, we're probably not going to have this crazy extraordinary massive expensive wedding we're we're going to do it as as well and as

Much as we can love it and it be inexpensive and being aware of the cost all of that because what that's going to do is What you spend on the wedding and then what you don't spend on the wedding is going to affect how fast you guys pay off this debt. So focusing, yes, I would pause baby step two to answer your question, save up a little bit for the wedding, making sure that that's covered. And then you can press play on baby step two once you have that amount of money or after you guys get married.

But, and John, you can speak to this more and more, but I'm like, the wedding is wonderful, right? And it's every, especially the woman in the relationship you love. It's what you dream about. It's your wedding day. It's fantastic. But it is a day. As wonderful and as celebratory it is, it is a day. And we just live in a culture that we go insane.

Go insane for weddings. So we're going to talk about this on a previous show, and I'm glad you're here. Oh, that's right. So let's do this. Okay. So help me figure this out. Number one, I think that we as a culture have stripped out all traditions, all ceremony, all pageantry, and I think that's to our detriment.

We go in and we just mow down these wonderful but small, older homes. We knock down Grandma's house and we look at it as, how many tall and skinnies can we shove into this square footage, right? And we take this home that will be here for another 300 years and we just knock it down because we can get some more ROI on that one. I think that's just a cultural thing. Why are we still doing weddings? Let's get rid of them. So there's a part of me that is all about,

man, weddings used to be a big deal, right? A week long, two weeks. They were celebrations, right? There's that. Then the other side of it is people are spending 30, 50, 100, $1,000. Oh yeah. Plus on a day on a day.

A day. And that sounds insane to me, right? My wedding was so great, so fun, and I know it wasn't that, right? So walk me through that balance between the importance of the day versus, man, we've kind of lost our mind a little bit on the circus and the ceremony of it all. Yeah. I feel like I'm talking on both sides of my mouth, right? No, it's true. But it's true.

It's a balance. And I think that that's the key. And I think knowing your motivation on why you want the kind of wedding you want is important. Okay. Right? Like, okay, well, I want the most beautiful centerpiece. I want all of this because I want the great pictures. I want people to see it.

I want people to be impressed. Like, what's your motivation to have these things or for it to look a certain way? And I bet if you stripped it down to say, okay, let's just say nobody sees the wedding, but you and your fiancé, probably going to do a little bit less. What would it look like? So, you know many more people than, you know many more brides than I do. You hang out with them, right? Let me say it this way.

I hang out with them. That sounded weird. All the brides. All the brides. I hang out with them. You've had more conversations about wedding in your lifetime than I have. How about that? How much of a ceremony, how much of the extravagance of a wedding is so that we can have those pictures?

Probably a significant part. Yeah. And I think people, because this is how I feel even 11 years after marriage, you want people to have fun. You want people to come to your wedding and be like,

that was a fun wedding. And that's how I am. I love that idea. Yeah. Like, man, that was a fun, great wedding. So like, that would be the pressure I'd put on myself today. But yeah, your pictures,

I mean, whether it's the albums or what you put online now, like all of that. I mean, yeah. I mean, I feel like that's a big part of it. So I don't have a solution. I just, I like the conversation because I feel like I'm-

I think knowing your heart, your motivation on why. What's your why? And do you have the money? And then here's the other, talking on both sides of our mouths. Even if you have the money, do you-

Is it a good use of your money? Is it necessary? Yeah. You know, where at the point is it like a... So, is it a percentage

of your net worth? Maybe that's... I don't know. You know, whatever it looks like but it's an interesting conversation because people can do it on these extremes.

Right. And it's a whole industry. I mean, they... Oh, man. People are taking out loans to go get a photo booth, you know,

at their reception. You're like, no. Or you can just cram all your buddies in the backyard and have a great old time. And at the same time, yeah, there's something about that legacy, that big event that everybody comes to. Right, right. It's the centerpiece event. So I don't have any good answers.

We just confused you all, America. I just was hoping Rachel could help me, and she cannot. All right, let's go to Corey in Des Moines, Iowa. Corey, what's going on, brother? How can we help? So, with this cold temperatures coming, we got essentially laid off for

a week and a half. I'm sorry, man. No, it's we're doing okay, but how do you plan for that in baby step two because $10,000 emergency fund I make quite a bit of money

low 200s and losing a month or a week and a half of pay how do you plan for that outside of baby step one because we're getting pretty intense of baby step one? Because we're getting pretty gazelle intense on baby step two,

but now we're in this crisis of sorts. And is that something that you balance the year and save some money throughout the year for this? And how much would you save being gazelle intense? Corey, do you know when those times that you won't be working and not getting a paycheck, do you know ahead of time kind of when those are coming or do you know the day of? How much of a timeframe do you have?

So with the weather right now, we found out last Friday that we would not work this week. Okay. And then Monday and Tuesday, it's going to be cold temperatures again. We found out last Friday that we would not work this week. Okay. And then Monday and Tuesday, it's going to be cold temperatures again. So as of right now, we won't be working until Wednesday. Okay. So is it when you don't work, is it like a week at a time, or do you foresee like a month you'll be out of work at any point,

or is it usually short term? Usually it's short term, and I's it's short term and i've been doing this career for 20 years and this is only the second time it's happened so it's rare yeah yeah but i was i was kind of unprepared and hopefully in a year i won't have to worry about it sure but um yeah i i would be great people too because because our goal for you especially on baby step two is that you cover your four walls that you have your food your shelter utilities and transportation that you have that covered and i don't want you getting behind on debt either and so there's a level of your your um standard of living that you have having a budget knowing okay these are the bills

that we absolutely have to pay and i'm not talking about clothing or miscellaneous or out to eat like these are the things that absolutely have to be paid and if you know okay we're probably i i'm not talking about clothing or miscellaneous or out to eat. Like these are the things that absolutely have to be paid. And if you know, okay, we're probably, I'm not going to have enough time to save for those things because I get a day or two days notice. I would be okay with you setting some money aside, knowing that I'm in an industry that I won't get a paycheck for a week and knowing that that is a reality. That's okay, Corey, to do and to plan for that. Now, that's not to say, you know, if you

have a salary job out there as an accountant, that's not me saying that, okay, you need to save more than $1,000 on baby step one, because you have a predictable income. But when you are in an industry, like you said, Corey, that there's a chance you won't have the money and that $1,000 will not cover your bills. Putting some aside is okay. Corey, how long have you all been? You know what? Keep it going. We just got ran up against the clock. So, hey, we want to encourage you in your debt-free journey.

I want to thank James Childs and Kelly Daniel for their superior production of today's show. Thank Bobby, the engineer. Rachel, you've got a future in this if you'll keep working hard. It's going to be great, John. Excited about tonight, Money in Marriage. We'll see you at the Money in Marriage event. DaveRamsey.com to get your tickets. Thank you for joining us.

Be kind to one another. This has been The Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Ramsey Show. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? Subscribe or follow today wherever you listen to podcasts.