The Ramsey Show - App - My Dad Enables My Older Brother Financially (Hour 3)

Episode Date: July 30, 2021

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Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your money, your work, your relationships. We've been talking about all kinds of awful, awful work leadership issues. It's causing people to feel burned out, people to feel stressed. What should I do?

Should I leave? It's a good paying job, but it's awful to go into. Dr. John Deloney is joining me. I'm Ken Coleman. We are Ramsey Personalities, and we host our own shows on the Ramsey Network, and we're here for you. 888-825-5225 is the number. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Atlanta, Georgia, where Bobby joins us. Bobby, how can we help? Hey, how are y'all doing? We are living the dream. What's up?

So I got a relationship question for y'all. I think that my dad enables my older brother to his financial detriment. And it's happened many times in the past, but specifically right now, my brother wants $20,000 from him to catch up on some past due child support that he's getting in trouble for. And my dad usually bails him out, but he only has, he's 60. He only has about $150,000 in retirement with $600,000 in debt. So he doesn't really have the money to keep bailing him out. Should I say something to my dad and brother, or should I just let it go since I'm not really involved? That's an onion we just heard.

That's exactly right, man. There's a lot there. What is your dad compensating for uh my brother's mom wasn't involved in this past so is your dad my dad feels guilty there you go okay yeah yeah so two things at play here ken i'd love to hear you hop in here too at the end of the day this unfortunately for you this is a conversation between two grown men your dad and your brother also you um love these two men right these are your families are blood right and so i would say by proxy you have the

opportunity to have a conversation understanding that when you have this conversation, which I would if I was you, there's a chance that you burn this bridge between both of them, right? And so what you've got to do is put on your responsibility hat and your what are you trying to accomplish hat. Are you trying to protect your dad from your little brother? Because if so, you're going to go into a 60-year-old man who's trying to do well and say, you know what you could be doing better and no dad likes to hear that from his son right or are you trying to burn your brother you sick of him leeching off your old man and so you're going to try to go through your old man to get to your brother again you see what i'm seeing i'm getting at so right i want you to be really clear about what you're heading into i can see a really remarkable father-son conversation

where you sit down with him and say, I want you to have permission from your other son to stop this. You're a dad. You did your best. We love you. Of course, there's crazy stuff in the past. You don't owe us. You don't have to play catch-up by making yourself unstable in the future.

Because let's be honest, based on this trajectory, David, you're the one that's going to be taking care of him. He didn't have any retirement, right? Correct. Yeah, you're going to be the one having to clean this mess up. And I think an honest conversation about, hey, I want you to have permission to try to fix anything from the past, Dad, is warranted. It's great.

I would have that conversation. But you have to be prepared for what's on the back end right for him to say hey forget you um for your brother to find out and say heard you went to dad like all that kind of nonsense you've probably been dealing with that your whole life is that fair yes true yeah um is your dad gonna be receptive to that conversation i think he will be yeah, he's usually pretty receptive. I think it's more going to be an issue with my older brother. I wouldn't talk to the older brother. Just my opinion.

If it's me, I don't know what the benefit of that is. Maybe I'm cynical. I don't know, John. Yeah, do you all talk to each other? It depends on the state of your relationship, I think. No, we do not. Okay. Yeah, do you all talk to each other? It depends on the state of your relationship, I think. No, we do not. Okay. Yeah, it's a waste of time.

So I'm talking to Dad, and John told you how to do that. Look, if it's me talking to my dad, I'm going, Dad, look, you're such a good dude. Your heart is amazing, but I'm just sitting here looking at your retirement, and I'm looking at you. I'm looking at your situation, not my brother's. I'm not here to talk about him. I'm not here to talk about him. I'm not here to talk about what you've done for him. I'm only approaching you on this as your son who's worried about your financial situation

because I'm going to take care of you. But, Dad, I think you've done enough. And I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not asking you to do anything. But I'm asking you to go, is this really going to help the situation? And how much is this going to hurt you if you try to help? I think I'm couching it with that posture, but I'm not talking to the brother because I think I'm hoping that it's a confidential conversation between you and your dad

and that your dad doesn't even bring it up because the brother situation is already not healthy. There's not much of a relationship there, and I think that that makes it more of an issue. And hopefully your dad goes, you know what? Bobby's right. And this isn't, Bobby, this isn't a, hey, man, older brother got laid off again. He's working hard, and he's trying to make rent. This is 20 grand of...

He's a deadbeat dad. Let's just call it what it is. Yeah, not paying off the child support. Right. Yeah. And this is the third time. Yeah, he's a bum, dude. So this is this is a pattern yeah so he needs to hit rock bottom and and and let me tell you something this is hard all right i hate seeing my kids learn painful lessons i got three teens

fortunately we haven't seen a whole lot of pain but even the minors i'm like oh yeah you know what it's time for your brother to feel the sting. But there is a sense of dad thinking, I played some role in this. And I'll go to the ends of the earth and I get that sentiment. It's that moment when you cross over and you're enabling it. There's been no reason for your brother to get a job and step up and do what he's supposed to do. And pay child support, for God's sake. If you won't be a dad, at least you can pay for the kids' food and diapers, for crying out loud. But he's not. And now we're to the enabling part.

It might be good for dad to get in his face if dad's got it in him. It might be good, but that's just me. That's where I'd be. I would just be in his face saying, it's time for you to put on your big boy pants. But I don't know if that's going to work either. It's not. It won't. Bobby, thanks for your heart, man. Have a great conversation, but have it gently and with an open hand there.

All right. We've been asking for some calls. We got them coming in. Hey, I'm in an awful work situation. I got a horrible leader. It's not leadership. It's leader. I want to hear about you.

You know what I'm saying? You got that problem? I want to hear about the bosses. All right. Here's some fun stuff. How about a couple of funny work fails, Joe? Okay. We've all blown it at work embarrassment or whatever how about a little humor here uh these are from the internet i once called in sick in order to go to another

job interview only to find that my boss had done exactly the same thing was sitting in the same waiting area who got the job neither one of them by the by the way. Oh, that's an awesome Monday. How about that? It's an awesome Monday. You think you're playing hooky and applying for a new job, and you walk in, and your boss is there. This is a sign that you're not in a really great company. Wow. Here's a fun one. On my first day of work, big pressure day, I accidentally called my boss Daddy. Whoa.

Oh, man. Can you imagine looking over at Dave and be like, hey, Daddy, can I? No. I would resign immediately and clean my desk up. That's exactly. Hey, the other day I stood up. La, la, la, la, la, la. I don't even want that in my head right now.

The other day I was in a meeting and I stood up and said, hey, guys, I'll be right back. I got to run go TT. Well, you have a toddler daughter. I have a five-year-old daughter, but the room got quiet and I just said, I'm sorry. I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Well, John, we got some good news. We're going to take a short break so you can go daughter. I have a five-year-old daughter, but the room got quiet, and I just said, I'm sorry. I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Well, John, we've got some good news. We're going to take a short break, so you can go TT.

I will go TT, and I'll be right back. And for the rest of you, hang on. We're coming right back with your call. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey y'all, it's Christi Wright. Listen, I know you're busy, probably tired, and let's be honest, maybe even a little overwhelmed. And with the busy fall season coming up, managing your time is only going to get harder. But here's the thing. You don't have to live your life

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You are listening to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, John Deloney, and we're thrilled to have you with us. 888-825-5225. The number is 888-825-5225. Imagine what your income could do for you if it wasn't tied up every month in credit card bills, student loans, or car payments. How much different would your life look than it does today? That life is possible, and it doesn't have to take as long as you think. It starts with Financial Peace University, the class that's helped nearly 6 million people

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even more. Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Laura here in Tennessee. We relocated last Ramsey to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Laura here in Tennessee. We relocated last year due to my husband's job, and I took the first job that was offered to help our family financially. COVID happened, and then the CEO laid off several employees, and now I'm working 12 to 14 hours per day and weekends. I'm burned out, and it's affecting my health, but the problem is in our small town, the average salary is $40,000 a year and I'm currently making $70,000.

Am I stupid to leave my job in this security? We have saved up $30,000 in case I quit, but I'm not sure what I would do next. Well, John, these questions are tough when you get something like this. It's got a lot of layers and we can't go back and forth and ask them questions. But based on what I'm seeing, number one, you're not stupid to take care of your health and you're going to be forced to stop this. Your body will stop you if you don't.

That's right. And so the fact that you've saved up $30,000, in this case, I'm okay. Again, we don't know their debt situation. We don't know much here. But if we can plan financially by either cutting costs, tightening the budget, saving some extra money to get her out of this situation and find something else, and then we adjust our lifestyle, if that's what needs to happen, then do it. But the first thing I'd love for you to do is go to your CEO and go,

hey, thanks for keeping me, number one. Number two, you know that I'm stepping up. I'm working 12 to 14-hour days, seven days a week. I think you understand. I want to be here, but I can't keep the schedule up. Can you help me help you? Because I want to keep stepping up. I want the job.

But can we sit down and talk through the situation? There's a posture of humility and hunger and gratitude. But I'd start there. It's worth at least raising your hand going, how much longer are you asking me to do this? Yeah, so I've been a part of several organizations that had significant human reductions, right? Yeah. Had to let people go. Yeah.

And one of the things that when you're on the side of the ledger that gets to stay is, right, we've talked about this before, but you go to fight or flight. Yep. Your brain goes into panic mode. And nobody ever stops and has that question. I'm 14 hours in seven days a week. Yeah. And sometimes a simple conversation with your CEO, they say, oh, gosh, take care of yourself.

You're one of the last ones we got. Sometimes they're not aware. They're not aware. Because they're also burning it. Their life is on fire, right? That's right. And so letting somebody know, hey, I need to start taking care of my weekends i need to start protecting my family i haven't seen my husband in a year i haven't seen my wife in two years

um what does this look like and again i love that humbly quietly not not accusation not all fired up youth baby hey look so now we're settling into a rhythm here this rhythm is unsustainable yeah and if they fire you for that conversation you were gonna fall off anyway yeah it's just but don't just assume that they won't work with you don't walk away from 70 that's right let's just see if we can figure it out and uh those come ken why you you talk to folks all the time why are why do people avoid that conversation okay i'm going to tell you what i believe to be the wife okay listening to thousands of people talking about it yeah yeah but well but you've got the psychology training so this is fun okay the why on the surface is they don't want to deal with the confrontation okay even though it doesn't have to be confrontational it feels like

confrontation yeah so that's my way of saying it it's kind of yucky. They're like the idea of sitting with my boss and going, hey, I don't think I can keep doing it this way. It's physically bothering me. We're worried they're going to immediately fire us. So we'd rather leave on our own with an unknown than deal with somebody looking at us going, what's wrong with you?

I'm going to fire you. Yeah, are you a loser? Yeah. And so that's what I mean by confrontation. Part of it is the fear of being fired yeah but you'll suffer instead of going for that unknown will you help yeah i want to be here yep tell me what's the real layer there i think it's the our bodies solve for equilibrium we get addicted to stress chemicals biochemically right you can get addicted to the chaos and the drama.

And you can get addicted to literally everything's on fire. And we don't have a picture in our head of what a good, hardworking, busting it all day, but then being able to go home and be with your family. We don't have a picture of what that even looks like sometimes. So we don't know what we're trying to solve for. And so we end up waiting until there's a crisis. And then we just run around and we play avoidance, right? So you've got to lean in. Like you said, what are you aiming for?

And it always starts at the humility conversation. And I'll say one other thing, too. It's not just confrontation. It's what's going to be on the other end of it, the unknown. So what we do is, to your point, I've never heard that before. We're addicted to those chemicals. We go, I'm pretty much physically and emotionally miserable. I'm out.

But, well, hang on really too long. And we'll go, but at least I know what that's about. That's exactly right. It's terrifying to walk to the boss's office and go, hey, I'm afraid. It's when you've been overweight 40 pounds and you go lose it, your body solves for that back. It will gain that weight back because that's where it knows. Even though it kills you, even though it's what you know. That's why you can get out of a toxic relationship and you find yourself right back in another one

because your body will solve for that equilibrium. So you've got to change the equilibrium. And you can only change that with peace, with a destination of where you're going. So I love that idea of having that conversation. Hey, let's go to a YouTube question. How about that? We love YouTube. Shout out to the YouTubers.

Shout out to the YouTubers out there. Sydney writes in a very interesting question, John. Do you have any advice for choosing a therapist when you're starting a mental health journey? This is a fabulous question. I love this question. So number one, some places, wherever you can get in, right? Start there.

I've got a – Do you mean because it's an emergency to get to the ER? Is that what you mean? No, it is the demand on mental health care in the country is so overwhelmed that you call a therapist nowadays and it may be a six-month wait. Oh, I see. It may be a four-month wait. So you go where you can. Right.

I've got a partnership with BetterHelp.com. You can go to BetterHelp.com slash Deloney, and they'll give you – it's online therapy, right? You can do it through your TV in your living room if you have a safe place there. But sometimes it's getting in. The most important thing is lining up with somebody that you feel comfortable with. And what comfort means is you will tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help you god and that they are able to listen they create an atmosphere where you feel comfortable and here's where that's kind of challenging is can you and i go to the same therapist i might walk in and be like this guy's this guy's a scammer

i'm out of here and you may walk in and your shoulders drop and you say that's for me yeah so i always encourage people to find somebody um that is in your local community that has a good reputation that your friends or somebody you know or your colleagues refer you to. You go sit in there and after two, three, four sessions, if you think I'm shielding myself, I'm not being honest here, then walk away. See, that's good to hear because I was going to ask. There's no damage done by going two or three sessions with one person, not feeling it, and going to somebody else. It's not like you're starting a new regimen as far as medicine. You're just talking to somebody. That's right.

And you don't owe them anything. They're grownups, right? They're big boys and girls. I agree with that. They'll be fine. Walk away, man. It's the same as when you go to talk to an advisor about your finances, and you kind of feel uncomfortable, and they start kind of selling you, and you just don't want to leave.

Get up and walk out. Walk out, right? This is your mental health. But ultimately, the research tells us the most important thing with a mental health practitioner is the relationship. And so you've got to feel safe. You've got to be able to tell the truth. You've got to not lie.

And you've got to go and go and the truth. You've got to not lie. And you've got to go and go and keep going. That's good stuff. And can I just tell you, John's professionally trained. I've done it. Can we just get over the stigma of what somebody thinks when you walk in the lobby? They're just as messed up and just as broken as you are.

Just go. Tear the band-aid off and just speak to somebody who's a professional who knows how to see you it's so important it's incredible man it's incredible nothing to be scared of I'll tell you what

you don't need to be scared of there's more of the Ramsey Show it's coming up Welcome back, America. You're listening to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. We arrange your personalities, and we are here for you, taking your calls about life, money, your work, your relationships. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225.

All right, let's go to Jared, who joins us in St. Cloud, Minnesota. Jared, you are on The Ramsey Show. How can we help? Hello? Hey, Jared, how can we help? Good. Say, I've got a big relationship issue. I'm hoping you guys can help me out with.

Bring it on. What's up? So, me and my fiance, we've been together roughly four years engaged coming up on a year. And I've gone to her with the total money makeover as well as the five languages of love and several other, like, let's get a good foundation before we get married. And I sit down, explain to her her this is extremely important to me I've read the books front to back listen to the audio tapes and I cannot get her on board with anything and I really don't know what to do why won't she get on board if you had to if you had to diagnose it why won't she get on board or let you had to diagnose it, why won't she get on board?

Or let me ask it more directly. Why does she value what you want in this relationship so little that she blows off your heart, your passion, your contribution to this relationship? Why does she devalue you so much? I think a lot of it comes from both the relationships that we have, you know, my parents and her parents to look at. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. What is it about you? Wow, that's depressing, John. Yeah.

I guess I'm one of these people that before I even go to her with like the, the total money makeover, like I read the book front to back. I knew everything. Here's the budget, X amount of dollars in, out, in between. And then I, here's everything. And I lay it all out in front of her. What else do you do that with? Any little hobby.

There you go. Hey, let's go on vacation. We're going point A to point B, $14,000. I know every in and out before I even bring anything to her. So is there a possibility that this woman you love feels that she is a data point in your spreadsheet or that she is a cog in the machine that you are building for your life? And that Total Money Makeover, love languages,

is just another scheme, is just another something or other that you have prescribed for her life to come. I can see it that way, yeah. My guess is she can too. And so at some level here, she loves you. She wouldn't have been with you for four years. Do you think she loves you?

Yeah. She does. And she's also developed an alt universe you she wouldn't have been with you for four years do you think she loves you yeah she does and she's also developed an alt universe where she does whatever she wants to she lets you do your little thing and you're probably on to the next thing in the next few months right and so she has now learned to love you and just let you be my wife has done the same thing with and i'm speaking with authority here because this sounds like my house. I come home and say, guess what, honey? We're all going to learn how to play guitar.

We have a family band. And when we first got married, she would say, that sounds ridiculous and stupid. And you have grad school and this and this and this. Now she goes, cool, John, that's going to be fun. Because she knows in about three weeks I'm going to be on to the next thing. Right? All right. So I have a question. I'm listening to this. How much of this is she doesn't like this idea regardless of all this

i don't think the ideas even matter at this point oh so what does he do i think he sits down and has that conversation do you think have i turned you into a project honey we're about to get married we're about to spend our life together and i feel like i've come at you with hobbies and vacations and stuff. Is there a possibility that over the last three or four years I've turned you into something a problem to solve? I've turned you into a widget

in the life I'm trying to build for us and I've stopped listening to you. What do you want this thing to look like? And what I want you to do, man, is I want you to bring her into the picture painting process that y'all are doing together. Okay.

I think that the total money makeover will become a part of your life just because it makes sense. It's foolish to not do it. But right now, it's just another scheme and a long line of schemes. And you're painting a picture for your relationship that she's not even allowed to pick up a brush. Gotcha.

Yeah, that makes sense. Is that fair? A lot of, yeah, very fair. And here's the danger there. She's going to paint a picture for her life. She'll just do it without you. And I remember distinctly about a decade ago, and then it happened again three or four years ago,

where I realized I had put my wife in a position where she had to paint a picture because I had excluded her from the one I was painting. And I got to keep going back and I got to keep going back. And now I've developed a rhythm where this is just a part of our life where I keep coming back to the table and making sure we're both working on the same canvas. But I, but you,

but doing all that, John, he still got to make it clear. This is important to me. That if we're going to get married, this is how I believe we should handle money. What questions do you have? Still take it back to her. Right.

So the question becomes less, I want to do this thing for our family, and more, I am terrified. I can't breathe with all this debt. Yes. And give her some why, how that's he's just overwhelming her with another plan another plan hey let's go on a vacation not for us to to spend time together not for us to deepen our relationship not for us to get some r&r but so that we can do this track that i i found that i got us a plan and a plan and a plan to plan that's exactly that's different right so i want you to sit down with her and say the debt in our relationship makes it to

where i can't sleep and I can't breathe and I can't fathom bringing kids into this relationship. I can't fathom 20 years down the road when we still owe this money. Will you be a part of painting that? And that's a different conversation than, honey, I got another plan for us, right? Yeah, that's right. That's absolutely right.

And then she's a part of painting that picture. Thank you for the call, Jared. It's an awesome thing. Hey, you're a good man, Jared. I'm glad that you called and said, hey, how can I turn this thing around? I want you to go to her and ask for her input for the first time. Yeah, good stuff. 888-825-5225.

Let's go back to it. We're getting some fun questions from YouTube. We're kind of going, hey, fire those away in the chat room. So we only got a couple minutes. We'll do this one. All right, because this is do this one. Okay. All right, because this is a fun one. Yeah.

All right. Well, it's not fun. It's a sad one, but it's different. It's unique, right? I haven't heard this one. Yeah. So Jack wrote in, I keep hearing the phrase toxic positivity. What is it?

I have the same question. I think I know, but take that one on. So it's the other side of the bell curve. We all know Eeyore. Oh, yeah. We all know. Oh, can't find his tail. He's depressed about it.

My husband never picks up the shoes. My wife always wants to watch her show. Is she a great wife? Yeah. Is she a good mom? Yeah. Does she love you? Yeah.

Right? And she's like, what are you doing? This is the opposite of that. Hey, your husband's cheating on you, hon. Yeah, but he provides food. And he is always right. Toxic positivity. Delusional optimism.

That's right. Okay. And it's not, I'm an optimist by nature. No, I said delusional. That's the key word there. There's a, Wow.

Well, he left me, so it's probably for the best. Yeah. So I'm just going to find the happy here. Your house is on fire. Well, the furnace needed to be replaced. You know what? We probably needed some more carbon in the atmosphere.'s probably a character on saturday night live at some point it is right but it's a it's a coping strategy it's an inability

to say i am in a mess this is hard right now and i need to grieve this my heart's broken and that man sometimes people i've heard this phrase several times especially people who work in trauma they say if i start crying i'll never be able to stop and one way to combat that unhealthy it's pathological but an unhealthy way to come at that is just toxic positivity i'm just going to ignore anything negative and we'll just continue to we'll repeat those phrases that we see on bathroom walls and on pillows. They're crocheted on those little signs on bathroom walls. Not on the feet on the bathroom walls. We don't have time for this, but next time we're together on the Ramsey Show,

I think we might break down toxic. How do we know if it's toxic or something else? Because I'm afraid this word is getting worn out. It is out of control. So what's the difference between it's not great versus toxic? Because I hear toxic. I go, man, I don't want to touch that. I'm thinking Batman, like a Batman movie where you fell into the toxic slime and you die.

And you melt. That's right. You melt versus, eh, it's not so great. People that use toxic for, I'm uncomfortable. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. You've got to be careful with that word.

I'm with you. Pause. The next time you want to say toxic, pause and go, am I going to melt and die? Maybe we could start there. This is what you come to the Ramsey Show for right there, that kind of depth. Don't move. We're coming right back. Welcome back, America. You are joining the conversation here on The Ramsey Show.

I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. Thrilled that you are with us. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. Today's scripture comes from Micah 6, verse 8. He has shown you, O mortal, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?

Our quote from Helen Keller, Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. You know, John, you and I were talking earlier that it's sad how little history we Americans know. I think if there was one woman that everybody ought to know, every time they hear the name and everything about her, it's Helen Keller. Unbelievable strength.

She pulls a lot of excuses off the table for me. Anytime I think, you know, this is too hard. Nope, it's not. You know what I mean? What an unbelievable story. I think we gloss know, this is too hard. Nope, it's not. You know what I mean? What an unbelievable story. I think we gloss over the quote like that. When you think about the woman and what she went through. Yeah.

Listen, if you're a parent, I would teach your kids about Helen Keller. And if you're a parent, I would teach your kids and yourself around the community that rallied around her. Yes. Oh, no question. She had a lot of people in her corner, too. Yeah. And we tell that whole story about how community just supports each other. It's awesome.

It's great. All right, let's go to Kalamazoo, Michigan, and Chris is on the line there. Chris, how can we help? Well, I'm disabled, facing divorce, and trying to find a correction. Oh, man. I hate that for you, Chris. What happened, man? What do you mean by it?

What happened? What was the situation? Yeah, well, I'll tell you what. Let's go with the disability first. What are you facing? A broken leg for the last 17 years. Will it not heal? Nope.

Revision surgeries and whatnot, it hurts the sand. So are you primarily wheelchair? No. I limp. Okay, gotcha. All right. And talk about the divorce. What's going on there?

Two and a half decade marriage, and she decided to hook up with somebody that she knew from high school. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dude. When did this happen? It's been going on the last year. Okay. When is the divorce final?

I'm hoping the date will be soon. Yeah. And so you called us and asked what's next. I'll ask you, what's next? Well, I'd like to find some purpose for my life, something to maybe help others with my life challenges that I've been through, maybe to help others, but just don't know how to go about it. Okay.

Oh, now I love this. So, Chris, let's start with a big, fun question, and I want you to, if you can, disconnect your brain for a second. Answer with your heart, okay? I want you to just let your heart answer this question. What would you try tomorrow if you knew you could not fail? You knew that you could not fail and that you would really enjoy it, but you didn't also have to commit to it for the rest of your life. What would you do, Chris?

Wow, that's a pretty tough one there. I know, but here's what pretty tough one there. Really? I know, but here's what I know, Chris. I've asked that question thousands of times. And I know that when I asked it, there were ideas that were popping in your head. I know this to be true. But it's hard to kind of fire something off. But we're not holding you to it, Chris.

And there's nothing to be ashamed of. So I'm going to ask it again. What would you do, Chris? What would you try? Even an area. Who would you help? How? What would you try? Even an area. Who would you help? How would you help them? And you could get paid for it. What would you try, Chris?

I'd probably help people dealing with pain. Yeah. There's a whole lot of purpose there. What's it been like for you to deal with 17 years of a debilitating pain that affects your ability to just function normally and walk? That's what it does. It messes up your whole ability to function. Yeah.

Yeah. What kind of work do you do now? As I said, I'm on disability. Okay. You are on full disability. Yeah. Let me ask you this. How limiting...

Financially, I'm trashed. I get you. I get you. We're going to help you with that, by the way. So what could you do? Is it something that you can sit at a desk, sit and talk on the phone over video? I mean, what, tell me what the physical limitations are beyond pain. Well, I think that's the biggest problem is the pain just debilitates you to the point where you just don't want to do nothing you know when it hurts to stand up it sort of sucks but if you were helping somebody yeah it would probably probably give you a better outlook to be able to help somebody else deal with it sure it would distract you. Yeah. Well, it gives you that purpose you're talking about. It gives you contribution.

That's it. And that's what I talk about every day. And I think there's something there. I think you've got to get to a point where you go, okay, I still have some talent. The fact that your leg is causing all this physical and mental pain, does it take away from the fact that you still have talent? If I interviewed everybody that knows you, Chris, I went around Kalamazoo and wherever

else they live, and I said, tell me what Chris does best, what would they tell me? I don't know. Try and help others? Yes. Come on. There's something else there. Talk to me about a technical skill or a hard skill that you're just good at doing. Talk to me, Chris.

Tell us. I've got a history of good mechanical ability, but that sort of gets taken away when you don't have that physical ability. I get that. Let me push back, Chris. But a mechanic is not just good with his hands or her hands. The mechanic's good with their brain. They can see things that I can't see. They can analyze, and then they fix the problem. Don't you still

have that mechanical brain, Chris? Oh, yeah. I went back to school and tried to do something in the medical field, but it was just a little physically demanding. There you go. All right. Now, John and I can't solve the physical part. And John, I want you to come in and let's talk

about some of the emotional stuff, but I want to get to the financial, Chris. Here's what we're going to do for you. Chris, in just a moment, we'll put you on hold and Laura's going to get you in Ramsey Plus. It's going to get you Financial Peace University. We'll get you a copy of Dave's book that's helped millions of people.

Total Money Makeover. I want you to read it. I want you to do it because I'm telling you, brother, you can do it. We've got a plan for you to get your financial house in order. And I know it's tough because you're on disability. John, I'm going to turn it over to you because this guy's been through this, the medical stuff, the mental stuff. But, Chris, let me tell you something. You have got to find a way to use that mechanical brain

because that brain still can add tremendous value in so many places in this world because really you're that mathematician, you're that problem solver, and there is value. There are things you can do. But I would also want you to look into a little bit more on the helping people side of things and how we could get you qualified. So I'm going to turn you over to John because I want John to encourage your heart because that's a big part of this.

We're going to get you in Ramsey Plus where you get all that plus every dollar. We're going to get you. And Laura, let's also get him a counseling session where we can get you with one of our coaches. That's our gift to you and get you a starting point and get you off into this. And I also want you to consider calling my show in the next couple of weeks and let's do a deep dive on some possibilities. John? Chris, are you heartbroken

that your wife did this to you? Yeah, I actually believe in my vows. She did. There you go. Hey, you're heartbroken. Are you heartbroken that your stupid leg won't heal? Yeah. Yeah. Sucks. It happens. It does. Hey, hold on. It happens. And? Yep. And?

Right now, you've been dealt a couple of hard, hard hands, and it's heavy. And I want you to find somebody you can grieve with, whether it's a professional, whether it's a buddy there in town. I want you to sit down and take ownership of this. This sucks. It hurts, and it's hard. Hey, I'm alive. I'm blessed, really. No, no really no no don't blow it off we just

talked about toxic positivity you gotta sit for a second this hurts okay it hurts it shouldn't have happened and it did right and then and then you still have value to add to this world to your neighborhood to your family to your friends and you know this your neighborhood, to your family, to your friends. And you know this. Your brain does what you tell it to. And so you're going to have a period of grieving that you deserve and then you're going to work real hard

on turning the reflection in the mirror into somebody that you don't like, into somebody that has value and that somebody's going to go make a difference in your community and you're going to go make a difference in your community. And you're going to go out there and you're going to get them. Okay, we've given you some tools and resources. You're going to use them now, brother.

You're going to use them because you have value in your work. Chris, you're in the storm, but the sun is coming. Get somebody to sit in the storm with you. We've got some help coming your way. Hey, I want to thank our producer today, Ben Hill, our associate producer, Laura Johnson. I want to thank my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. And we want to thank you, America. This is your show. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys, this is James, senior producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600

plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com.