The Ramsey Show - App - My Dad Took Me Out of His Will (Hour 3)

Episode Date: October 13, 2020

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Starting point is 00:00:00 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Dr. John Deloney with my good friend and number one best-selling author, Anthony O'Neill. We are taking your calls on life and on money at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Anthony, you ready to rock and roll? Man, I am, man.
Starting point is 00:00:57 It's going to be a great hour. The lobby is jam-packed with amazing people out there. And so we just want to thank everyone for coming. Let's go to Sarah in San Antonio, Texas. Sarah, how are we doing? I'm doing good. How about you? Outstanding.
Starting point is 00:01:14 That's good. Okay. So I'll give you kind of a quick rundown. I'm currently a grad student paying out of pocket. I have around $7,500 in debt for my undergraduate years. How much? I'm applying for $7,500. Okay.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Yeah. I'm applying for State Trooper, and I won't know if I'm accepted until November or December. And I want to build a tiny house on wheels. My budget would be around $20,000 to $25,000. So my question is, because I'm on a short time crunch, should I pull out alone?
Starting point is 00:01:58 No. No, Sarah. Sarah, I'm going to say this again. No. Okay. How old are you, Sarah? 21. 21 years old.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Why do you want to get a tiny house? Well, I know why she wants to get a tiny house, because, you know, that's what millennials are doing. And I'm not mad at Sarah. Well, let's let her answer. Sarah, why do you want to get a tiny house? I really like to travel, and I think with State Trooper, I would just be moving around a lot, and I don't want to get into serious debt buying a house that I may not want to live in. One thing I can guarantee you're not going to want to live in for a long time is a tiny house.
Starting point is 00:02:39 I know that looks so cool on YouTube, I promise. It looks so cool. I watch it all the time. I even watch the Netflix documentaries. I know it looks so cool on YouTube, I promise. It looks so cool. I watch it all the time. I even watch the Netflix documentaries. I know it feels cool. Yeah. So, Sarah, let's walk through this process. What's your total amount of debt right now outside of your loans?
Starting point is 00:02:58 How much do you totally owe in debt right now? That's it. This is $7,500. No credit cards, no car notes, no nothing. Nope. Okay, cool. Are you generating any income right now? I work with my family, but no, I guess not. No. All right. And so you're 21 years old and right now you are about to go into this school. This is what I really want you to do. Number one, we need to go ahead and get you into a solid income. You're already going down that path to start that journey. Okay. Now I agree with Jade, uh, that Dr. John, that long-term, you're not going to want to do this, but I will also admit that in this generation of young people,
Starting point is 00:03:45 a lot of young people in our generation, because I'm in this bracket as well, we really want to try this, get on the road, travel the world for two, three years and do this fun stuff. And I have no problem with that. But here's where I do have a problem with it. You don't really have a foundation to stand on. You know, you don't have a stable of income. You don't have a fully funded emergency fund. And there's really no solid game plan. So before I'm not going to knock your dream because I disagree with knocking dreams. What I want to do is I want to help you set yourself up to where your dream doesn't become a nightmare.
Starting point is 00:04:18 And if you go buy a house on wheels without having the right foundation, your dream now becomes a nightmare. So going ahead, get into your career field, going ahead, set aside a fully funded emergency fund, going ahead. And then from there, start investing and start saving up money to do what you want to do. And if that's what you want to do, that's fine. We don't have a problem with you doing what you want to do. We just want you to do it the right way. You understand what we're saying, Sarah? Yeah. So would you just recommend, I just, I'm not really a fan of staying in an apartment and
Starting point is 00:04:53 just putting in hundreds of dollars on a house or an apartment that's not mine. You know, it won't be mine. Yeah. But I mean, but let me ask you this question. Why not? Because right now what you're doing is, is, is you're setting aside money to eventually do what you want to do right now. You're not making a hundred thousand dollars right now. You don't have $25,000 to put on a house on wheels. You don't have that. So if you want to stay at home for maybe a year, build up some income, that's fine. But I do believe at 21 years
Starting point is 00:05:25 old, if you have the opportunity to step out on your own and really start developing some grown adult skills and some grown adult experiences, I would definitely do that. Maturing and becoming this grown person at a young age is more important to me than actually going out there and dropping a lot of money on a vehicle that's on wheels. And Sarah, here's the reality. If you get into the state trooper's office, I think they're going to make you, was it moved to Austin for a year? And then they're going to stick you in El Paso somewhere for another year or six months or 18 months and buying a $25,000 potentially depreciating asset. I know trailers do.
Starting point is 00:06:07 I don't know how even a loan would work against a house on wheels. My guess is it would end up being similar to a trailer loan, which means you'd be taking out a loan against a depreciating asset like a fancy car. And you're going to look up three years later, and your tiny house is going to be worth less. And you're going to be in the same situation just with this burden with this asset that you've paid money into that's not worth as much as you're going to get rid of it if you do the math over 36 months when you finally land
Starting point is 00:06:33 in the city where you're going to end up doing your job as a state trooper you're going to end up finding that you are in about the same position if not better from renting in a cheap apartment in each one of these towns you're going to bounce around to for the next few years yeah yeah and i and i'm telling you um at the beginning of this call i was talking noise about tiny homes here's the truth i would love a few tiny homes on my house right now uh my wife and i always laugh about i want my own tiny house and she wants her own tiny house and then we'll just build like a like a place where we eat dinner together in the middle i love them i think they're cool um and I know it feels like you'd be getting ahead of the game, but starting off $7,500 in debt, plus your continuing school,
Starting point is 00:07:11 plus now you've got a $25,000 mortgage against a trailer is just setting yourself up to be way in the hole before you even get going. And that's if you're for sure going to get this job. Being a state trooper is a hard job to get into. You've just got a lot of unknowns down the road. Just slow down. I know you don't feel like getting an apartment. Do it anyway.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Get out on your own. Like Anthony said, start building some wisdom. Start building some skills. And the mortgage and the home will come. Just be patient with yourself. But I appreciate that call. Anthony, how many millennials, how many young folks get out? They're 21 and they're just ready to take the world on.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Man, a lot. And this has been coming up a lot, especially like on my show my youtube show um at the table with ao i have a lot of millennials call and say hey man i want to go out there and really not just uh put a house on two wheels what they're doing now is they're taking like these buses and flipping them and um into houses and i don't have a problem with that. I think they're cool, man. I think it's awesome. I think it's great.
Starting point is 00:08:08 There's this young lady that she has that and she's debt free and she's generating like $100,000 on YouTube. That's great. But she has a solid foundation. But here's the thing with this when it comes to millennials. Just because you see somebody else doing it
Starting point is 00:08:20 doesn't mean that you need to do it. And you don't know what they're going through to experience that. And so I don't have a problem with young people dreaming, but let's dream on a solid foundation. That's all I'm saying. I love it. I love it.
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Starting point is 00:10:07 This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney with my good friend Anthony O'Neill. Taking your calls about life and money. Let's go to Amber in Sacramento, California. Amber, how are we doing? Oh, we're doing okay. How are you? We are doing well, too. How can we help this afternoon?
Starting point is 00:10:26 Let me get really quick. My father-in-law was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. He was given about 12 to 18 months. They don't have a lot of money saved up, and they're not close to retirement. So my husband and I are 30, and I don't know how to go about taking care of his mom when his dad passes. Number one, I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you. How's your husband doing? Not well. Do you have people in your life you can spend time with? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:11 I mean, we're trying to make it work, but I'm the thinker. I'm trying to focus on the hard stuff. That's right. So that they can deal with the emotional stuff. That's good. That's good, and I want you to not neglect the emotional stuff too, okay? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:33 I want you to have some people in your life that you can talk to and be vulnerable with and say this sucks and this is hard. So mom and dad, stepmom and dad, or your parents-in-law don't have any sort of retirement. When he passes away, your mother-in-law doesn't have a job. She doesn't have anything in retirement, no life insurance or anything like that. Is that right? Nope, nothing. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:54 So it may be where they're in a position where she may have to move in with you guys for a little while until she has a season where she can get under her, or feed under her and start finding work and figure out what her next steps are going to be. Is it an option for her to move in with you guys for a season? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Would she be open to that? That's more of the question. Okay. Tell me about that. I think it would just be hard to kind of give up a lifestyle. You know what I mean? I get that. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:12:28 The lifestyle is going away, right? That's where I stand, yeah. So it'll be a lot of, like I said, I'm more of the bad guy in this, but I just want to know kind of where to go. Cause I mean, we have room, we have room in our budget to take care of some things, but I don't have room in my budget to support another person outside of our home. That's right.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Let me ask you this question though. First Amber, um, and I'm trying to be sensitive to the emotional side of things, but I do want to make sure on the business side of things, we can have these questions answered. Do we have a will in place and do we have benefits in place for, for the family, for her? What are the, what's going on in that side of the things? As far as I know, there are no assets to be left.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Okay. Do we have any benefits? No. Okay. All right. So there's no life insurance, no mortgage that you can sell the house, nothing like that? Nope. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:39 And so I want you to never, ever, ever refer to yourself as the bad guy again. Got it? Okay. Because you're not the bad guy here. You are able to be a rock in a raging river, and that's a blessing. And you're a gift. You're not the bad guy. So what you and your husband need to do is sit down and have a challenging conversation,
Starting point is 00:14:03 which is going to be, in 12 to 18 months, what are we going to be able to do for mom? And that's going to frame the conversation you have with her, not the other way around. Because if you ask, what do you need? She's going to frame what she needs through the current life that she's living right now. And that's not going to be a realistic expectation moving forward. And so if the best you and your husband can do right now, which is a gift beyond gift beyond gift, which is you can invite her to stay in your home for six months or invite her to live with you for a year while she gets her feet underneath her and she grieves and you all grieve together and then she begins planning on she's going to have to get a job and slowly start rebuilding her life and what the back half of her life is going to look like, then that's what you're going to sit down and have that conversation with her.
Starting point is 00:14:50 But I need you to also hear this. It is not your responsibility to make grown-up decisions for her. She's going to have to make those decisions. And if she doesn't want to move in with you, she doesn't have to. And if she doesn't want to accept your generosity and hospitality, doesn't have to. And if she doesn't want to accept your generosity and hospitality, she's going to go do what grown people do. And that's whatever she wants to do. And that's going to be real hard to watch and real hard to experience for you and especially for your husband. And so you and your husband need to get together, say, here's what we
Starting point is 00:15:18 can do. Here's what we're going to do. And then sit down with her. And if she's not in a place to hear it, then she's not in a place to hear it. You're going to go back the next week and you're going to go back and you're going to go back until she says, we are not doing this. And you may need to get your father-in-law in the same room
Starting point is 00:15:32 and have that conversation and see if you can be a part of it with her. There's a lot of denial that's going to go on. That's a natural part of grieving. There's going to be a lot of challenging moments and conversations moving forward.
Starting point is 00:15:41 The best you can do is come up with a plan and if she doesn't want to take it, she doesn't want to take it. she doesn't want to take it. But you are not the bad guy, Amber. You're the good guy, okay? I'm grateful for you. Your husband's going to be grateful for you.
Starting point is 00:15:55 And if we can help moving forward, I want you to give us a call back. But you're going to start with a plan, and then you're going to start with some direct, challenging, but holy conversations with your in-laws. And these are hard, hard moments, Anthony, when families have to look at the math and they have to look at their hearts and they have to look at transition and they have to look at grief. It's hard. Yeah. And it's messy.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Yeah. And you walked it through the process, right, man? is there a way to where we can help so that her mother-in-law doesn't have to have a complete change of life because having a complete change of life and losing a loved one that is going to be detrimental and so it's like how can we go maybe from a hundred percent down to maybe 40 something needs to be there to keep her moving emotionally forward. And so I was just sitting here just thinking, but if she doesn't have any income,
Starting point is 00:16:52 and if they're just renting a house in a town that's far away, and that house rental goes away, and his income goes away, and Anthony, this is one of those things that is faced by millions and millions of people that folks who do have somebody in their neighborhood, or folks who do have assets or some equity in a home somewhere, they just can't put themselves in that situation, which is, no, my dad worked a minimum wage job or two or three of them. And he duct taped things together and plugged along and he rented a house.
Starting point is 00:17:18 And then all of a sudden he got sick and people are just left exposed. It's hard. It is hard, man. And this is why Dave and I were just talking about this yesterday on the show. This is why we're so adamant about making sure that you have no debt, making sure that you do have some form of real estate, making sure you do have the proper life insurance and benefits in place, making sure that you do have some kind of wealth in place so that way when you do transition off your your family uh it has tears but they turn from tears of sadness to tears of joy tears of sadness that their loved one is gone but tears of joy because their loved one left them with something left them with peace left them with uh with wealth one left them with something, left them with peace, left them with wealth, left them with wisdom.
Starting point is 00:18:08 And when I hear this call, it just, I really can't say much because I'm like, man, I'm so emotional. And I think about myself, like, Anthony, you can't be that man. You can't be that man that's transitioning. And as you're transitioning, your family is mourning your your transition but also they're also mourning their future of man scared to death yeah like what are we going to do how are we going to provide this how are we going to do this so this is why america we teach what we teach this is why we say avoid debt this is why we say invest into your 401ks into your roth or IRAs. This is why we say have 10 times of your salary for life insurance and a term life insurance.
Starting point is 00:18:51 This is why we say have a will. So this way, when it comes, because it's not a matter of if it will, it will come. I want to leave this world smiling, not crying. I came into this world and tears. I had a big head coming out of my mama's womb.
Starting point is 00:19:08 But I'm going to leave this world smiling because I know I'm leaving my family, my wife, my kids' kids with something to celebrate my transition off to heaven. My mama, praying for her, that family. But America, I'm praying for you as well this is the dave ramsay It is a prime day to say we all know shipping is going to get a bit crazy this Christmas season so avoid the madness and get a jump start on your Christmas shopping now. Big shocker, Anthony. Christmas doesn't just surprise everyone every year. It's on the same day.
Starting point is 00:20:10 It is? It's on the same day. Everyone acts surprised. It's on the 25th of every single year in December. Every time. Wow. Every time. Wow.
Starting point is 00:20:19 And everybody acts surprised. To help get you started, we're launching our Ramsey three-day sale on our best-selling books, audiobooks, and more. When you buy any of our books plus audiobook bundles, you'll get the audiobook version absolutely free. That's a $20 savings. For those wanting to get started with our seven-baby step plan and dump debt fast, you can get Dave's number one bundle, the Starter Special, and it's 66% off during our three-day sale. You can also pick up our number one best-selling book and audio book,
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Starting point is 00:21:16 All right, let's go out to Steve in Pensacola. Brother Steve, how can we help? Thanks for taking my call today. I greatly appreciate it. I'm a longtime listener to the Dave Ramsey Show going back probably 25 years. I'm 71 years old, and my question is related to my wife and I. Our credit score, on October 1st of this year, we just paid off our home mortgage, of which we're excited about.
Starting point is 00:21:44 And we have no debts at all at this point in our life. But the question is, when it comes time for auto insurance renewal, they look at credit scores. And already the credit score has dropped 10 points since we paid off the home mortgage. So how do we handle that with auto insurance? Well, you know, here's the thing, Steve, if you go to a new company, they will pull your credit and you probably will see a little higher premium. I'm just going to be honest with you on that part. But for the most part, with you just paying off your house, you're going to be good for like at least another year, two years before you have a zero credit score.
Starting point is 00:22:27 And so I can almost guarantee you, you're not going to see an increase in your insurance because of your credit score. You're not going to go from a 700, 800 down to a zero. You're not going to go from 700, 800 down to a 30, 300, 400, 500. OK, I can guarantee you that much. You just make sure that you just keep all the debt off. All right. Now let's just, let's just flip this for the people listening. Let's say for an example, you had a zero credit score, like our mentor, Dave Ramsey.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Then you probably will get a quote for a little bit higher premium. But that will be reassessed when it comes time to renew. But front, and that's okay to me. Like if that happened to me, I'm OK with that. I have no problem spending an extra hundred dollars on my premium just because I have a zero credit score. I'm not going to just spasm out for that, which is why, you know, we do a lot with Zander's Insurance and they offer us some great great rates i have my homeowner's insurance and rentals insurance through them and i didn't see a score
Starting point is 00:23:32 go up neither because all i have on my credit is just my mortgage as well nothing goes and so i don't have an 800 credit score because i don't i don't have nothing on my credit other than my mortgage but i didn't see a ridiculous increase in my premium. Steve, I'd be really vocal with my insurance companies too, especially if you've been a loyal customer and they are going to reassess you with no recs. I'm assuming you don't have a big lead foot up there in Pensacola, Steve, or down there in Pensacola, Steve. I would be really vocal and feel free to walk with your checkbook.
Starting point is 00:24:05 And if they're going to lose a customer who is so good with their money, they don't owe anybody, and who is now able to pay their annual premium with a check every year, if they're going to lose you over $100 or an increase in premium, then I would feel free to walk right out that door. Yeah. And I really don't think, I know my insurance company, I can't speak for yours, but my insurance company does not not pull my credit and they will not pull my credit to renew um they would just go off of my driving record make sure i didn't have any accidents or anything any kind
Starting point is 00:24:36 of claims other than that that's pretty much the normal hey and steve before we let you go you said you just paid off your house the other day? In October. October? Yeah. Just for me, there's no fanfare here. There's not going to be any confetti falling from the ceilings. Can you give us just a quick, I'm debt-free? I'm debt-free. Atta boy, Steve.
Starting point is 00:24:59 I should have her join in, too. Yes, we are debt-free. Hey, Steve, we're proud of you, brother. Thank you so much for the call. And again, this is a 71-year-old who's got no debt, who's paid off his house, and is still figuring out, what if they raise my rates $100? And that's how you become a millionaire. You become a millionaire $10 at a time.
Starting point is 00:25:20 You pay your house off. You look at it. You look at it. I'm proud of him. I love me some Steve. I love Steve too. I love me some Steve. I love Steve too. I love me some Steve. Alright, let's go to Lisa in Little Rock. Lisa, what's happening?
Starting point is 00:25:29 Hi. I want to express my gratitude for the Dave Ramsey organization, Dave Ramsey and all the personalities. I've grown into adulthood. I'm 56 but it probably took me until I was 40 to start growing up.
Starting point is 00:25:46 And Dave Ramsey has helped me on that journey. Well, thank you so much, Lisa. How can we help? I'm calling today because we're getting ready to do a will. It's been long overdue. We have a son that is a nary well, and we don't want to find stupid. And he's got two children. The oldest is maybe 12 that we've never met. And they're being raised in stupid.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Today, I knew it was coming. But today I found out in writing that I have been disinherited. My father was very abusive and I walked away seven years ago. I don't want our son to feel like I feel, even though I knew I did the right thing. I don't know if I can have both things. Sometimes we can't have both things. So I wanted to know, is it, how do you honorably not leave an inheritance to your children? And then should I just skip a generation, set up like a college fund for his children, not a college fund, a fund for his children. And if they're flying straight, if they're doing well, we pay for a semester of the college.
Starting point is 00:27:01 And if they're not, it reverts to somewhere else. I want to be honorable. So I think the person you need to be honorable to first is you. And the person you need to be honorable first to is you and your husband and what your decision is going to be about your money and your legacy and your investment in whoever's future. My husband's perfectly fine with not being unkind but not leaving anything to him i'm the one with this new experience and why do you not want to leave him with something again because you're saying he's doing stupid yeah how old is your son he's done stupid his whole life
Starting point is 00:27:38 yeah how old is him how old is he 30 36 okay all right what's a what's a conversation with him like these days? Are you all in contact at all? There is none. He doesn't answer the phone. He doesn't answer the phone. About once every two years, he'll call my husband to say hi. Okay. And why does he not talk to you anymore?
Starting point is 00:27:59 I was his stepmom. Okay. And as soon as he was old enough to leave the house, he, he chose his mother. She had a more relaxed. I was, she had, she didn't have a schedule. She didn't have a home routine and we did. And I was too strict in keeping it with all my children. But with him being the stepchild he really didn't need that and um so he left at 16 and he kind of he kind of turned his back on us but i did i turned my back on my father so we didn't abuse him well yeah it's a very different situation and so you're projecting your pain onto him you're projecting your hurt into a totally different situation.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Okay. That's what I wanted. Yeah, your pain is very different than his. And what you need to do is get with your husband and feel very good about your legacy. And you need to do what's right by you and what y'all want to do. Your stepson doesn't have an automatic right to your money. Now, wait, wait, wait. We're going to talk about this after the break. All right about this let's hang on let's hang on i got something
Starting point is 00:29:07 to say about this all right let's hang on yeah Today's scripture is Acts 2.38. And Peter said to them, Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. C.S. Lewis says, You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.
Starting point is 00:30:07 It's one of my favorite quotes of all time. Yeah, that's a good quote. All right, so we're going to go back to Lisa in Little Rock. And Lisa, I want you to know something. Off the air, me and Anthony had some good discussions, and we are in complete disagreement on moving forward for you. So are you ready for us to hash this out with you? Yes. Well, here's my thing. I don't disagree that the state that your son is in right now, that he doesn't deserve anything.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Here's where I disagree at, that he still needs to be in the will. But he needs to be in the will from his father and you with stipulations that um and i think you put in the will very clearly here are the stipulations and when you all put that in the will you somehow try to reach out to your son whether that's via a letter whether that's via a phone call and let him know, Hey, we want a communicate. We want to communicate with you. We want to have a relationship with you and son, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:12 we want this before, you know, we transition and go off to heaven. And so if, if you can honor that, we will honor you in our will. But if you cannot honor that, and if you cannot respect us,
Starting point is 00:31:24 then you wouldn't you will not receive anything from our transition so i'm saying have stipulations in the will that says if this is met if if if here's something for the kids if my son does xyz or da da da da whatever that is that you and your husband can agree upon leaving with something because here's why and here's the truth you know um i believe that life can change in the next three months two years we don't know what can happen and so if we can give him the possibility for change, I believe we speak what we seek, hoping that we will see what we spoke. And I believe that if your son hears you all's heart, receives a letter from you and his father, say, hey, we are preparing for this day. But before
Starting point is 00:32:21 then, we want a relationship with you. we want a relationship with our grandchildren and we want to honor you but we feel we feel obligated that we cannot bless stupid but we can bless honor does that make sense it does and we don't really even require
Starting point is 00:32:40 that he come around much or call much we just don't want him to be stupid with his money. I understand. He's a little boy whose parents got divorced and his dad got remarried. He is hurting to this day. But we don't need to sound stupid.
Starting point is 00:32:57 And I learned that from you all. And here's the thing too. And I might say this and y'all may not like me after this show, and that's fine. I'll love you. Oh, I like you. I might disagree with you, but I can do both. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:11 I think your husband needs to step up more. I think that your husband needs to step up and say, hey, son, I know what happened years ago probably hurt you. Let's talk about it. If you need to cuss me out cuss me out if you need to scream scream if you need to cry cry let's let's be two grown men and let's hash this out let me know how i hurt you um how it impacted you and then let's talk it out and if and if you're scared to do it with this us too let's sit down with someone let's call into the Dr. John Deloney show and get some
Starting point is 00:33:47 counseling to help this out because I think it's the father's responsibility somewhat I'm not saying all but I'm saying somewhat to reach out and say son let's fix this and then I think he will have a peace if your son stays
Starting point is 00:34:03 in a stupid mindset stays in this whole I don't care about you all. Then I would have a piece as a father saying I reached out. I wrote a letter. I even put stipulations inside my will. I'm going to heaven with a peaceful mind saying that I tried to leave a legacy. I tried to give my son something, but my son refused. The last thing I want on your heart or on your husband's heart is, did we really try everything that we should have tried to build that relationship? Right. Yeah. I can completely respect that. And so I'm going to say that Anthony
Starting point is 00:34:40 are much closer than I thought we were during the break. I mean, good. He said it in a more eloquent way. Your values are your values, and your money is your money. Correct. And so in a very similar vein, it's up to you and your husband to decide what are the stipulations and who's going to be the beneficiary. I'm with Anthony in this. I'm going to go to the ends of the earth.
Starting point is 00:35:07 I'm going to mine the depths of hell for my son. I'm going to get teary just saying those words right here on the show. And I also know I've worked with too many people, hundreds and thousands over the years, who their kids just walk away. And so I don't want the parent listening to this, I don't want your husband listening to this, for him to have his hands around his face and him saying,
Starting point is 00:35:31 I have, and my kid keeps walking away. So it's a both and, you know what I mean? Right. It's your money. We don't have our choices in our free agency. That's right. It's your values, and I'm with Anthony. I don't want to die without my son holding a letter with him knowing how much I love him.
Starting point is 00:35:47 I don't want my stepson to die. I don't want me to die without my stepson knowing how much I put in to get him on the phone to get in his grandkid's life every single chance I could. And I also don't want you to take your pain. You did a hard thing. You walked away from an abusive father. You broke free. And it's going to cost you financially, but your soul is going to be lighter. Yeah. Very great.
Starting point is 00:36:13 My soul already is. I'll tell you what I did. I knew this was coming. It's a little shocking to see it right. I knew this was coming, but I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And so I have dove in, immersed myself in sources to teach me about my eternal inheritance from my Heavenly Father. And it has really helped. Christ is there crying with me as he laughed with me. And he is walking me through this and then surrounding
Starting point is 00:36:46 myself with people who teach wisdom um i'm okay but it's just shocking to see it there and i didn't want to make the same mistake with my son his son totally different pains in totally different situations that look very okay okay okay. Okay. Okay. But I, I can accept that. I can accept that. And we can sit down and we can get this done. I love it. Lisa, you have, you have helped a chunk of people across this country today. And so I want to thank you for your openness and your vulnerability and for joining us. Yeah. And I want to thank you for spurring on a great conversation with me and my friend here. Yeah. As we wrap our heads around, how do you honor somebody?
Starting point is 00:37:27 How do you protect them from themselves? How do you do right by your money? And how do you go beyond the extra mile to let your kids know, however old they are, 5, 25, 36, 46, that I love you more than life itself. And I'm going to keep chasing and I'm going to keep pursuing you and keep pursuing you. And you know what too, man, and we can finish this here. Let's,
Starting point is 00:37:49 let's, let's end the show like this. Even if my son never came around, I would still leave my son with something, man. I would too, because I believe in the word grace. And how often do we as individuals have grace when we
Starting point is 00:38:06 don't deserve it and I think sometimes that grace when we don't deserve it it's the same thing that made us change our life and I think if I left my son something with a very detailed letter saying
Starting point is 00:38:21 why I left this even though you didn't deserve this, but because I loved you more than you treated me. We never know what kind of impact that could have on his life or her life, whoever it is. That's exactly right. Where I've seen parents struggle is when they know their kid is an addict. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:42 When they know their kid has some dangerous habits. Yeah. is when they know their kid is an addict, when they know their kid has some dangerous habits, and they understand that putting $100,000 in an account may hurt somebody. So I get that parental tension. That's different than someone uses language I don't like. But it's a hard thing, and it's a tension, and it's something that every one of us is going to have to grapple with. I want to thank you, my brother Anthony. Thank you, John.
Starting point is 00:39:06 I want to thank James Child. I want to thank Kelly Daniel and Ben. Everybody back there, the team who supports this show. Oh, look at Ben. We are so grateful for the listeners. We're thankful for everybody. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life?
Starting point is 00:39:41 Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.

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