The Ramsey Show - App - My Father-in-Law Keeps Asking Us for Money (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Dave Ramsey & Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss: Teaching kids to manage money well, "Should I pay off my house early even if I have a low interest rate?" "My father-in-law keeps asking to borrow money" "My ex-wife doesn't want to sell the house" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Enter The Ramsey Cash Giveaway for a chance at $3,000! https://bit.ly/TRSgvwy Shop our bestsellers during the $10 Sale! https://bit.ly/TRS10Sale Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting to the pods, moving, and storage studios, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thank you for joining us, America. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author of the book Own Your Past, Change Your Future, is my co-host today here at 888-825-5225. Megan is in Dallas.

Hi, Megan. How are you? I'm well. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, first of all, I'm just so grateful that you took my call today. So my question is, I have got three kids and 26, 20 and 16 and I want to know how to break the cycle with them and teach them about money that was never taught to my husband or I. So one time, the coolest part about going back to grad school as an old man was I had to do an internship again and I interned under this guy. One of the internships I had to do was under a guy named Michael Gomez, Dr. Gomez. And one day we were working with kids who had experienced some pretty significant trauma,

and we were walking from one room to the next. And one of the young little boys we had talked to had some really awful things to say about women. And I asked Dr. Gomez, as we were walking from one room to the next i said wow what are you supposed to tell what are you supposed to say to little boys to get them to respect women to make them respect women and he looked at me and he said you can tell them anything you want but if you want to them to respect women just know they're going to watch you so they're going to he went on to say like tip the waitress really well and take care of your wife and your sister and treat them with dignity and respect they're going to watch you and so the greatest way you can teach your kids

how to break the cycle is more is caught than taught manage your money really well and invite them into budget conversations right okay that would apply to the 16-year-old, but all of these are old kids. They are older. Yeah, 20 and 26 is not exactly two and four. So when you say you break the cycle, is it a cycle that you continued? Yeah, so it's interesting. I read Rachel's book a couple years ago just about the psychology of how you grew up financially. And my husband and I grew up in very different homes, but the psychology of it was very much the same. He grew up in a very wealthy family. I grew up in a middle class family. families, like our parents ever talked to us about money. So when we did get married, we did start our life together. We really had zero clue as to what we were doing. We bought a house. We moved from California to Texas, bought a house just based on my husband's credit score. And a few years after getting here, I found my faith and heard the Lord tell me to sit on my hands because I was the main provider to help. So anyway, long story short, we did end up foreclosing on our house.

We did file bankruptcy to try to save the house. Again, we had no idea, just didn't know any better. And now we're fast forward. That was back in 2005. So now we're here, and we still have a little bit of debt, but it's relatively small. Okay, you're the only thing you can do with the 20 and the 26-year-old. Does the 20-year-old live with you?

She does. For how much longer? I'm going to assume she's going to be with us for at least another year. She's about to be a junior in college. Okay, so while she's in college, she's going to stay with you. And are you guys helping her with college? Yes, we have actually taken out loans for both her and her sister, so the 26-year-old and the 20-year-old we have college loans for.

Okay. Well, I think I would sit down with the 16- and the 20-year-old and the 20-year-old, we have college loans for. Okay. Well, I think I would sit down with the 16 and the 20-year-old and just go, guys, Dad and I are learning some new things about money that we didn't know before, and we weren't very good at it, and so we didn't teach you when you were young about money. But as we are learning about these things, as long as you are under our roof, you're going to learn about them because that's going to be good for you as adults that's the 16 and the 20 year old in other words as long as they're you're writing checks for them you have a certain level of power

there that you would exert but um but you starts with an apology of i let you down i didn't tell you because i didn't know and now we're learning these new things we've been through a bankruptcy and a foreclosure and now we're learning to be on a budget to live on less we make to not use debt we're not using credit cards we're using debit cards we don't borrow money for anything we save up and pay and we're always generous and these are things we're learning in financial peace and um uh know, have you and your husband been through Financial Peace University yet? No, we have not. If I put you through it, will you take the 16 and the 20-year-old through with you? Absolutely.

Okay. These are the things I wish I had taught you. I'm sorry I didn't. But they are going to apply to you as long as you are under our roof going forward. So you need to know because it's my job to do my best i can to help you catch up and learn this stuff before you leave my care yeah but do you realize you hear what dave said because what he says very very important you are leading with i screwed this up not here's what y'all need to know yeah you're leading with

we've definitely have come from that place with our kids and just saying you know and letting them know like hey it's kind of the way i did it on other issues was kids i i you know i got good news and i got bad news the the good news is is that we realized we screwed all this up and i'm sorry uh the bad news is your life's getting ready to change because i'm fixing this yes a hundred percent i think if you're a good parent you'll do that several times on several issues yes as you go along raising kids of a 26 year old you don't have any power with at all no the most difficult stage of parenting is when they are no longer under your control. And you have to watch them as quasi-adults do stupid butt stuff. It's very difficult.

So the only power you have with a grown child, which is an oxymoron, but the only power you have with them is persuasion. And so how would you – you probably have friends that have a 26 year old and so if your friend had a 26 year old and you wanted to convince them how would you talk to them well you wouldn't use your mom voice your dad voice you would use persuasion and you would talk about the time that you messed up but how i learned more and my life is better now and we're going through this class called financial peace and gosh man if i was 26 it'd be the thing i'd want to do could now i wish i had done it i wish i'd known it then and this is how you talk to your friends 26 year old is persuasion language not uh preaching language or shame language or all the history of the family language it would just simply be

persuasion on this subject okay i'm talking to rachel cruz that's the only option i've got but you've got a relationship too right yeah but i mean it's a persuasion based out of relationship but it's not going to be a debt because your dad said so right or you should do this to honor your dad that doesn't work no. I would also say this. That 26-year-old lived in that house where y'all went through bankruptcy and tried to save the house. That 26-year-old lived through hell. And I think there's something powerful about a mom and a dad sitting at a table saying, we brought you through the darkest of the dark and we're sorry. Yeah. Here we are. We love you and and so we're going to give you two

financial peace universities one for the 26 year old and one for the other four of you hang on this is the ramsey show dr john deloney ramsey personality is my co-host today. If you like the show, we'd appreciate your help. You can subscribe or follow on the podcast or YouTube channel that you're doing this. You can share the show, sharing the link or click the share button if the way you're listening or viewing the show allows you to. You can share the show just by telling people. I listen to it on talk radio. I follow it on TBN.

Wherever it is you're watching, to tell people to watch, listen, listen and join us if you'll help us spread the word it really helps we really do appreciate it and of course you can leave a five-star review one stars aren't helpful mama said if you hadn't anything nice to say don't say anything at all just move along just move along if you hate something why are you listening that's just weird it's a certain kind of pathology that is i hadn't thought about that if you hate the show don't listen to it there's certain kinds of music that i'm not a fan of as much as others i don't listen to that station why is that hard the way you said that was like so profound why is that hard i don't know there's certain kinds of books i read a friend

of mine gave me a book the other day and it absolutely sucked i will not read that author again ever and he's a huge fan of this author but he was just wrong but here's the thing i've had several conversations with you in the last week not one time have you come to tell me i you should never read this book no i did not bring it up not one time i don't understand that is a certain kind of pathology like so the and the one that really tickles me that i'll just while we're doing it this is funny okay so i haven't looked in a while but total money makeover is getting ready to celebrate its 20th anniversary and uh we've sold a little over 10 million total money makeover is getting ready to celebrate its 20th anniversary and uh we've sold a little over 10 million total money makeover books and on amazon there is something

like i don't know 30 000 reviews okay and it's a 4.8 or 9 out of 5 stars right what prompts someone in that situation would never occur to me i mean i like i'm a huge uh brad thor fan okay brad thor is a fiction writer he's a friend of mine writes all these wonderful cia novels and all this stuff and assassins and all the you know shoot them up i love it it's fun and even if i didn't like that book i read that I didn't like, I'm not going to go on Amazon and look and go, it has 4.9 stars. But me, I'm after 25,000 other people have established that it is a 4.9. I'm going to leave a one. I don't get that. I don't have time for that.

Well, I don't get that you're that wrong and still feel like you need to say so. I know, but I don't have enough time to go to the bathroom in the day. My days are so full. Who has time to be like, hold on, hold on, kids. Hold on, hold on. We got to get one star there. Wife, stop talking. I have to go tell the world this guy's book sucks.

Yeah. Really? What a weird life. Yeah. This radio this radio show this podcast show so there you go there's our little rant but yeah it's just be nice it's interesting to me and i think you know we've been talking about it a lot um in a couple of different settings we were with mike rowe the other, we're talking about that this little box that people carry around in their hand, it's like a little magic wand. You push buttons on it and stuff happens. Like you can push one button and stuff will be on your porch the next day. Just food shows up. Food shows up magically.

It's like crazy. And toilet paper right there on your doorstep. We live at Hogwarts now. Exactly. We do. It's a little magic wand box box and it gives you great power you can you can access the entire breadth of knowledge of the human race all off of this little box and uh through this weird thing called google and you know and it's just it's very interesting how much power that gives you and i think because people

have been walking around for decades with this great power in their hands, that they think their opinion matters. Everyone needs to know what I think. No, not really. You live in your mother's basement. Nobody needs to know what you think. You don't think much. Okay, we're just going to sit here for a second.

Here's what I don't understand. James is like, please take a call. just going to sit here for a second. Here's what I don't understand. James is like, please take a call. Please take a call. No, no. Here's what I don't understand. We're gone. We're down the rabbit hole now, buddy. Listen, you have a bunch of experience in finance.

You've got academic credentials. You've got a lifetime of personal experience and of working with other people. I don't understand how I can ask you a question and you give me an answer. Then my first thought is, well, that guy's an idiot. I'm not going to, I don't want to be that guy, but I've got two PhDs. You have two PhDs. I don't want to argue with you about this. The number of people are like, oh, that's stupid. I don't know a lot, but I know those two things. Those two things, yeah, that's exactly right. Higher ed and counseling.

Yes. If Andrew Huberman says, actually, dopamine works like this. My first instinct isn't to go, that guy's an idiot. No, I'm wrong. Or if I'm not, I've got to really dig in and prove why. Exactly. Exactly. That's what I don't understand.

I think it has to do with the arrogance of the magic wand. I mean, you may be onto something. It's given too much agency, too much power, the sense of I control my own everything, and it's a self-importance. There's an entitlement that goes with it. I think it's the magic wand. I really do. All right. Nicole is with us in Atlanta.

Help us, Nicole. Help us. Help James, Nicole. Help us help James. What's up? Hey. Help us help James, Nicole. Help us help James. What's up? Hey, so my husband and I are trying to figure out what we should do with some money. We have about $40,000, $45,000 we're looking at, and we don't know if we should invest it, put it towards our house.

So our house is our only debt that we have. We have no car payment. How much do you owe on that? $170, but we have a very low interest rate. And what's your household income? About $90,000, $100,000. Excellent. And how old are you two?

I am 34, and he is 31. Okay. What is the goal here, to make sure we maximize low interest rates or that we build wealth um i think at this point on we just want to keep building both of us contribute to a roth outside of our company i wasn't asking that i wasn't asking about your investments i'm asking so what is your goal is your goal to i want to look like everyone else or i want to build wealth as fast as i possibly can we just want to build wealth and so here's the deal we 10 000 millionaires that we studied nine out of ten of them were first

generation rich meaning they did not inherit their money 89 okay the number of them out of 10,000 that we interviewed that said i didn't pay off a low interest mortgage and instead invested the money in that was in the bank into mutual funds and became wealthy doing that was very close to zero the vast majority of them said we paid off our mortgage as fast as we could regardless of the interest rate because then when we don't have any payments house payment included we can build wealth uber fast and that's what most of them did that's the data okay not someone's opinion that's an actual data all right that in other words the so the answer is the vast majority of millionaires in america today by far i'm not even a close

second would pay off the house as fast as they could i know that because that's what they did. Okay. Now, here's my opinion. If I'm you and I owe $170,000, I'm going to put that $40,000 down on the house in a $130,000, and then I'm going to sit with my spouse, and we are going to make a game plan to go gangbusters and knock the rest of this out as soon as possible. Four years. You should be able to pay off the house in four years. And I would try to do it in two just because I have a problem.

You can't do it. We don't need to go that hard i know it's okay baby step five or baby step four five and six you're intent intentional not intense and so that's where we are here if you're out of debt you have your emergency fund other than your house you're out of debt you have your emergency fund in place you're putting 15 of your income away for retirement though on everything else at the mortgage in your case making 100 grand you could be debt free in around four years house and everything if you throw this 40 at it that's following the millionaire path that's how i answer the question it's not what my opinion is it's what the data tells me most people that built wealth did if the data tells me most people that built wealth did. If the data tells me most people that built wealth wear black shirts, then John and I would both wear black shirts.

So we would get there. You know, I mean, what's the data tell me the behaviors of the people I want to be like that have the success in the area? If the data says you want to be married 50 years, here's how you treat your spouse. That's how you treat your spouse. It's really not rocket science. And so it's a really, really good question on your part. Thank you for asking it. But the culture, normal people who are broke would say,

no, you don't want to get rid of that mortgage. You want to keep it around because it's so such a blessing dr john deloney ramsey personality is my co-host thank you for joining us triple eight eight two five five two two five well if you listen to the show long enough you can piece together uh the things we talk about and i think there's like uh i don't know how many youtube clips we have uh it would be probably close to 10 000 on our page including all the nine million debt-free screams but if you watched you all of the 9 000 youtube clips you could probably figure out everything we teach or you could do it the easy way and the fastest way and the most effective way and that's take financial peace university i can get all your stuff for free you could get all my stuff for free before

i was on the air it's called common sense it's always been free it's just not always been common you know so if you really want to do this stuff the right way the quickest easiest way the best path that i know is financial peace university and our personalities including one dr john deloney are all coordinating classes so ken coleman dr john deloney eddie cullen uh rachel cruz george camel and jade is leading the way and i'm getting killed here guys you're getting killed i'm getting killed here, guys. You're getting killed? I'm getting killed. Well. Jade and Rachel are crushing me. Yeah. Well. I need your help.

I, well. I need your help. I'm giving you air time right now. So there you go. Sign up for my class. I need to go to Financial Peace University with the guy with two PhDs, which is two more than all the rest of them put together have. I'm just saying.

Yes. Are they smarter than me? Yes. Are they prettier than me? Yeah. All those things are true. Definitely. Yeah. But listen but listen i need your help i'm crying out america help me out here we got all the we got personality classes if you want to go through the classes with a personality being your coordinator the classes are still the videos but the important part is

the relationships with the coordinator and the rest of the group we're doing that virtual in this case sometimes it's in person at your local church but you can join any of these classes now jade and rachel's class do have a disadvantage in that they've already started correct now you can jump in because it's first week and catch up but uh and my class is during lunch break so it's for between 12 and 1 you can take it when you're in uh where you're working you can step out in the car take it whatever and kins and i think george's are in the evening time there you go financial peace university at ramsey solutions.com or just go to fpu.com and sign up for one of these coordinated classes with a ramsey personality and apparently we're trying to help john out today this is the john deloney telethon section of the show.

Dial 1-800-HELP-JOHN. No, I'm kidding. That's not a real number. All right. They're going to dial that number. Kim is in Huntsville. Hey, Kim, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave and John.

Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Okay, so my father-in-law has been living on his own for about a year and a half, separated from his wife, but not legally yet. And he, about a month ago, he got a new job making more than my husband and I combined. But over the last month, he's asked us for money to kind of of cover his i guess butt until he got paid um and every time he asked my husband for money uh my husband can't say no um because he feels bad he's like that's what we're supposed to do is help family um but i think his father i think

my father-in-law is kind of taking advantage of the fact that he knows that we have money because we just recently sold our short-term rental. And so I guess I'm just kind of stuck. This has nothing to do with your father-in-law. It has everything to do with your marriage. Right. Well, I tell my husband no, but then I think it's his relationship with his father because he feels bad because of his situation. I know, but when you tell him no, you are taking on the role of his mom. Right. When you do this, you make me feel less than. When you do this, I feel like you're slapping me, your wife, in the face because I'm your partner in this deal,

and you are making a decision, a solo decision, in a commitment we made to make decisions together. That's different than, no, I said no. Well, yeah, that's true. I haven't actually said no the last couple of times because I figured he's trying to catch up on his bills because he had lost his previous job. So I haven't said no the last couple of times, but I worry that going in the future that it's going to keep coming up. 100% chance, yes. Y'all are a free bank for your father-in-law. Because your husband needs to run down to Walmart and pick up a backbone on aisle three.

Yeah, he's a very giving person no no no he's a very weak person he's a coward well he looks at money differently we grew up differently doesn't matter no he is not giving money to his father because he's generous he's giving money to his father because he's too weak to tell him no and i can tell by your answers that you spend a lot of time defending him yeah yeah you need to have a hard conversation in your marriage it's a marriage problem it's not your father-in-law's fault your father-in-law's doing what he does he's that kind of guy he's a parasite i guess my question is i just don't know how to address that but i guess that's something we would have to talk about but okay i think the way you address it is you and your husband come to agreement on the way we're going to handle money and when we're going to be generous and under what circumstances we're going to be generous and generosity is never a sign of weakness.

It's always a sign of strength. No one is actually generous from weakness. They're always generous from strength. And so we come into this conclusion. We say, okay, father-in-law has an actual real need because even though he's going to be making more money, right this second he doesn't have a dime until his check comes in. So we're going to take him down to the grocery store and fill up his buggy and we'll pay for it. That's something we could both agree to.

I would agree to that, as a matter of fact. But he can't say no. Yes, he can. He's choosing not to. He can say no. He can say no. Well, he can. He's choosing not to. He can say no. Right. He can say no. Well, he has gotten, he has gotten, my father-in-law has gotten his, you know, first and second paycheck. Okay, then it's over.

And he still asked us about a week ago. It should be over. He makes more money than you do. This is stupid now. And if it's all, if he's not calling you anymore, this is a great time because the smoke's cleared a little bit to go do a post-mortem and take your husband out to lunch and say look man what happened last time that can't happen anymore we have to be unified together on how we spend money and how we take care of each other and here's something to keep in your back pocket here's a sentence and i didn't make this up this is um from the mental health ether if will, choose guilt over resentment every time.

Every time. Because if you keep giving him money and your husband keeps giving him money, even though he's making money, he starts to, the shame builds up and what he's going to, over time, he's going to hate his dad. And I don't want anybody to hate their parents.

But to not hate your parents, sometimes you have to be a grown up and set boundaries that you follow. And so I'm going to choose to feel guilty when I can't afford to go on this Christmas that my mother-in-law is demanding I go on. Not my mother-in-law for real. My mother-in-law is awesome, but I'm not, I'm going to choose guilt over. I can't go to that birthday party or I can't afford to go to that wedding because I'm in baby step two. I'm going to choose guilt over borrowing money to go to a wedding and hating everybody at the wedding the whole time I'm there hating the bride for inviting me that's on me it's about

boundaries should I just said no just say no right and feel guilty of course you're sorry I can't make this one yeah and so now so Kim here's the thing if you and your husband can get on the same page about generosity and about money and about when we make decisions together on these things or we don't go forward you increase the probability of your wealth building by 10x the number of millionaires that we interview that say we became millionaires in spite of a constant disagreement with my spouse about money is almost zero the number of millionaires that we interview to say i work hand in glove like a real team we're in complete agreement on money the unity in our marriage on money is unbelievable there's a high correlation

between those kinds of statements and actual wealth as obviously common sense would indicate and by the way the byproduct is also an incredible marriage so and those are the things we need to work on you're not going to fix your father-in-law that's not your job. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us. Derek is in Detroit. Hi, Derek. Welcome to The Ramsey Show.

Hey, it is an absolute honor to be talking to you guys today. I really appreciate you taking my call. You too. How can we help? All right. Well, I'll cut right to the chase then. So Dave, my life is kind of a mess right now. I mean, it's crazy. I'm trying to do your system here. I'm trying to do your method. But right now, I don't really know where to start. Basically, I'm 26 years old. I work as a mortgage loan officer here in Detroit, Michigan. And if you know anything about the mortgage industry, kind of tough right now, the BNN industry, it's not what it used to be. And my income has taken a hit, safe to say.

And I've got about, I would say $68,000 in non-mortgage debt. And I also own my home on top of that, which is about a $200,000 mortgage. So, you know, I want this to be the year that I start to really tackle this kind of stuff, but, um, I'm going to kind of throw a curve ball in here. And that curve ball is I am currently going through a divorce. Oh no. It's tough. It's, you know, things are better now. I will say that. And, you know, the process is underway and what's happening is I kind of want to sell the house and use that to kind of jumpstart this process and kind of alleviate some of the burden because I'm finding that my income isn't enough. I don't really have enough left over at the end of the week to really do anything with it. You

know, I'm kind of scraping by here. So I kind of want to sell the house, but my soon-to-be ex-wife doesn't want to sell the house. She's out of mind that she wants to keep it. I don't really know what to do. Maybe this call is premature because we're still waiting for the process and everything. I kind of just want to know where to start and if I have any real options here moving forward.

Do you have an attorney yet? I do. Good. Okay. So here's what has to happen whoever's going to keep the house if it's either one of you has to refinance it and get the other one off of the mortgage right because too often attorneys take the lazy way out. And for instance, she wants to keep the house, and you say, okay, how much is the house worth? You owe $200, but what's it worth? It's hopefully worth about $280, maybe $285.

Okay. And so you probably got, after expenses if you sold it, you probably got $20,000, $25,000 a piece in this, right? So if she's going to keep the house, she would give you credit for $25,000 or something else or pay you $25,000 in cash, one of the two, to buy out your half of the house in a divorce. And then some attorneys that are lazy would tell you to quit to claim deed the house to her. She bought out your half and you give her the ownership. Problem is you're still on the mortgage. And in the mortgage business, you know what that means. Next time you go to get a mortgage, you already have a mortgage and it's going to be difficult.

And so someday when you're remarried and have a new life and you're moving along and your ex-wife five years from now, eight years from now, still has a mortgage with your name on it, you're screwed. So we're not going to do that. So here's your instructions to your attorney. If she wants to keep the house, she's going to buy me out of my half, and she's going to refinance. Otherwise, we're going all the way before the judge to force the sale of the house. Okay.

Just because she wants to keep it doesn't mean she gets to keep it. Does she make enough money to make the payment on that mortgage? I don't think so. I think that we've talked about it. So she's delusional about the results of this divorce in terms of where she's going to end up financially. My big thing is I just want to avoid conflict. You're not going to.

You're going to a divorce. Divorce is conflict. Right. It seems to be a recurring theme for me. No, it's the nature of the beast. I mean, you don't get to avoid it. If you avoid it, it's going to come back up. So one way to avoid it is, yeah, sure just eat you the house honey and then later on it's going to come back up like i described to you a while ago remember that part oh yeah so if

you avoid conflict and don't deal with it it comes back up later it has a high rate of resurrection i think i think it was dave i think dave, I think you're the one who gave me this analogy, which I think is great. The moment somebody files for divorce, it no longer is about preserving a marriage. It's a business transaction from this point forward. Yeah, this is just math and balance sheets and legalities. Take emotions out of it. Take drama out of it. This is a business transaction.

$68,000 worth of debt. It's, you know, 80,000 gross, probably 50,000 net worth of equity on this property. And it's, uh, and we're both on the mortgage. Is there cars involved? I own my own car. I have about a $12,000 loan on it and she leases her car. So they don't have your name on either one. Your name's not on hers. You know what? It might be. Yeah, it might be.

It likely is. Same situation there, brother. She doesn't pay the bill, the car will get repoed. You can't go pick it up and sell it. It's called grand theft auto if you do. You have to force your name off of these things. So, you know, untangling a marriage is legally and financially and contractually very hard. And by the way, the divorce decree is not a magic wand.

Well, the judge said she has to pay her bills. Not if it's got your name on it, the judge saying that in the divorce decree, okay, you get your car, you get your car, but both your names are still on them. The divorce probate court does not supersede contract law and divorces in probate court. So you're, you're not going to get out. I mean, you get your names off of these things as a part of this deal or it's going to come back to haunt you in every case and every time you do this it's

going to be a point of conflict oh well somebody wanted out of this and this is the cost of getting out of it so let me give you a baseline i want you to live by okay It's a chapter in my new book. You have to choose reality. The reality is you're in a business transaction that's going to be uncomfortable for a season. That's just the way it's going to be. You have a job that you love that has changed, and you are not making enough money to pay your bills. That's reality. So you have to live out of that reality and either take a second job for a while until the mortgage industry picks back up or take another job as a different kind of lender. You got to make some hard calls and not just sit in the middle of this and stare

off into space and wonder what to do next, what to do next. But there's something about writing down reality. Here's all the truths. Again, we talked about it in an earlier segment. Facts are your friends. Here's the reality. I am getting divorced. My wife has filed divorce on me. My heart is broken. My heart is broken and I'm sad as I'll get out. I need to connect with a group of friends. I am not making enough money to pay my own bills. All those things have to come on a piece of paper and then you can be about solving what you can solve, right? I want you to hang on the line here. I'm going to send you a copy of my buddy Ken Coleman's Paycheck to paycheck to purpose i want you to read that and ask yourself is there something else i can do beyond this mortgage lending is there another avenue i want to take because this

might be the moment in your life to do that and own your past change your future we're gonna give you both give you a copy of that one too both of them yeah sorry, man. I hate this for you. Listen, I don't like conflict is everyone. Anyone who says they love conflict is weird. Or they have a psychosis. I relish conflict. I don't relish conflict. But I do relish the results, the cleanliness, the simplification of my life when I engage in hard conversations now to avoid having a worse conversation later.

And I have learned to embrace conflict for that reason. But it's not because I'm like thrilled with the idea of pissing people off for, you know, no, that's not what I'm trying to do. That's not the goal. But I will do the hard but to get the long-term result that's proper that's grown-up stuff correct and uh but just i'm going to be in denial now that that that's going to get you burned so you got to get your name off that car you got to get your name off that mortgage and it may mean you sell both of them you force the sale of both

of them as a part of the divorce decree oh well and dave uh it's a it's a common thing that we all do but i see it especially in divorces when somebody files for divorce they often look at what the other person makes and they divide that in half and they spend that money in their mind and that's just not how it works and so she might feel like she's losing now because she wanted the house and she wanted the car and that's just going to be part of this conflict that they're heading into yeah exactly all right wow that puts us out of the ramsey show in the books Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started

on the Ramsey Baby Steps, go to ramsaysolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramsaysolutions.com and click Get Started.