The Ramsey Show - App - My Fiancé and I Broke Up Over Money (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 28, 2022

Rachel Cruze & Ken Coleman discuss: Where to put savings for an elderly parent's nursing home expenses, Restaurant inflation fees, Breaking up with a fiancé over money disagreements, How to be a good manager to employees. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods at Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Ramsey personality and best-selling author and host of the Ken Coleman show, Ken Coleman himself. We are here to take your calls at 888-825-5225. It's a free call anywhere in the country. And we're here to talk and have a conversation about what's going on in your life. And I was thinking about this. Ken, Dr. John Deloney talks about this a lot. It's just like the isolation of life and how few people have good friends.

And we always want to push you to have relationships in life, right? To have friendships in life. But if there's something that you're like, man, I just need a second opinion on this. Here's what I'm thinking. I have some questions. That's what we're here for. That's right. And let me point out too, I'm thinking. I have some questions. That's what we're here for. That's right. And let me point out, too, I'm here today, and we want to talk about your work, too. If you feel like you're in a stagnant, stuck situation, one of the greatest ways to increase your income is a better job.

Dave has said for decades, your income is your greatest wealth-building tool. So big shovel stuff. I'd love to take those questions. You feel like you've got a toxic work situation. Can you get out of it? Well, can I'm in the baby steps any angle from there rachel and i will come combine the advice there on the money side and the work side i'd love to take some of those questions uh trying to figure out what you want to do with your life anything in that area as well plus the relationship

plus the money um and uh who knows maybe you can ask us anything doesn't mean we'll answer it that's right i guess is that the way to put it? Yeah. We'll try our best. All right. Let's go. I'm standing by. All right.

Up next, we got Paul in San Antonio to start us off this hour. Hey, Paul, welcome to the show. Hello. Hello. We're doing well. How can we help? Okay. My mother is 89 years old with dementia.

Oh, wow. Okay. My mother is 89 years old with dementia. Oh wow. Okay. I just moved, moving. I'm actually moving her this weekend nursing home. I sold her house after walk away paying tax and some that she owed. I'm ending up with $250,000 okay. Okay. Plus her pension. She gets 1900 a month. Now every month I got to write a check to the nursing home on approximately $4,000. Okay. Okay. There's $250,000 that I have from

the house is going to pay for her nursing home rather than just putting it in a checking night, a checking account with her name and me power attorney, is there some way to do manage that money where it can be making some interest? Or just sitting in a checking account doesn't seem smart to me. You know, what's your idea on that? What could I do? Yeah, that's a great question. So knowing her state and where she's at, she's 98 she's lived an incredible life 89 89 i'm so sorry i thought you said 98 89 and um and she how long has she had

dementia for about three years okay okay i'm so sorry that is so, that's a, that's a hard, a hard thing to watch a loved one. My, my grandmother went through that. Um, so, you know, we can't predict how long she'll be there. That's kind of what I'm trying to do the math to, to see, you know, because, because 50, yeah, I mean, you're, you're paying close to 50 grand a year, uh, which is great. So meaning that she can stay in this for years. Five years. Yeah. Five years. And so, I mean, honestly, Paul,

the way everything's going right now, you know, when you invest, it's more thinking five years or longer you're keeping your money in the market. So doing anything risky like that with this money makes me nervous right now. And just, again, how volatile the market is because it's such a short-term play for you with this money, meaning five years or less. And so I know it doesn't feel like, oh, it's a good move just

to have it in a checking account. But I would probably honestly just put it in a money market account. You're not going to make a ton of interest but this money isn't isn't here for the purpose of making more money it's there to pay her bills that she has to have in order to stay there and so now she does she does receive nineteen hundred dollars a month on her retirement so yes she'll be getting nineteen1,900 a month. So that's about half. So actually, you will be paying like about no lower than $2,000, say $2,100 a month. Yeah, that's true. Yes, that's so true. Yep, yep. But still, honestly, Paul, I mean, if I were you, I just wouldn't put it in something that it could lose money in this

because you don't have the time frame to see it play out over 20 years you know i'm saying and so um if i were you having that money accessible that i can get to when i need it knowing it's there knowing there's a predictable amount in there that it's not fluctuating up and down majorly would give me peace and i feel like would honor her really well um so again it's not flashy it's exciting, but I don't think that's what this money's for. I think it's to help keep her in a nursing home for, you know, for as long as possible. Yeah, I was thinking something, some kind of money market or something where I have the checking account to pay her nursing home and say put like $50,000000 or 50,000 in it every year.

Yes, that's right. So yeah, a money market account would be a great option. So that's what I would do. But again, you're not going to see crazy returns on that. You'll see a little bit, you'll see more than a traditional savings account or a checking account. But again, that money is there really more like an insurance in a sense than an investment. So that's the way I would look at it.

Okay. Yeah, I really appreciate you talking to me i've been wrecking my brain on this you know she could die tomorrow or she could die in five years um you know but no matter what i don't want them money just all of us sitting in a checking account not doing nothing yes know what i mean yes absolutely yep but again i think that mindset of it's uh insurance not an investment but a money market account is what i would do and uh my husband and i we have a money market account we just put some savings in it's where our emergency fund is and extra money that we have every month and i think we use ally bank it's an online bank you know so there's some really um accessible easy ways to sign up for a money market account you can do your local bank, but you can even find some better rates possibly on an online bank. So not that we endorse Ally,

but that's what we use and it works great. Yeah. I think it's great advice because you got a short-term situation here. We don't know how many years she's going to have, fewer rather than, you know, longer, obviously at this stage of her life of what she's dealing with. And so it's, you're right. This is, let's make sure we use every, every penny of it to take care of her, give her comfort and dignity in these days, you know. And look, the money market is going to get you more than it ever has. I should say that. Yeah. More than it has recently. That's right. Yes. Because of where we're at with the interest rate. So it's a good place to park it. And making sure that her care is well too,

because that's a pretty inexpensive, I mean, on average, people are spending even 9,000 a month on some nursing home rooms for a single room. So it's a very, very expensive place. So it feels like, Paul, though, it's a very reasonable price that you gave me. I was expecting it to be a lot more.

So I'm thankful for that. And again, that half of it is covered with the checks that she gets as well so I hope that helps Paul thank you uh but can I mean that that stuff is hard that's why long-term care insurance is a is a is an important thing to play you know like when there's all these parts of our money that you look at um at different stages of life whether it's life insurance uh getting a will like all all these things, looking at that as a big picture is an important play. Absolutely. Thanks, Paul. Thanks for the call.

This is The Ramsey Show. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Well, it is launch week for our brand new Gazelle debit card. This debit card will help you spend and save the Ramsey way. The Gazelle debit card works the same as your standard debit card with the same card will help you spend and save the Ramsey way. The Gazelle debit card works the same as your standard debit card with the same FDIC protections. And no, we're not becoming a bank, but we have partnered with Pathword NA member FDIC to provide banking services behind the scenes. So that means that we can offer the same FDIC protections, and you will not be flooded with debt and credit card offers. So there's no junk mail from us. So the Gazelle comes with a debit card,

spending account, and mobile app. And it also connects to every dollar seamlessly. So you know exactly where your budget stands and where your money is going. So it is free to create an account and there's no monthly fees to maintain your account, and no overdraft. So there are no overdraft fees,

which banks make billions on every year. It's insane. So our team is continuing to add new features like joint accounts, Apple Pay, and more, all with the goal to help you reach your money goals fast. This is really really exciting it is so beautiful the gazelle card and just a point of conversation you know when you when you pull out the gazelle card people are like what is that yeah so good point it looks

great i was telling i was telling dave yesterday that like the the benefit of this card is if you if you're just kind of liberal with how you move your hand and arm around when you're using it at the grocery store, people are going to see it and be like, what's that? What the heck is that? And you get to talk about what you do and how you live with your money. And when you see other people with it. It's a great looking card.

Yeah, it is. Speaking of fees, I got to tell you. Are you done? Oh, sorry. Well, go to RamseySolutions.com slash Gazelle to sign up for your free account. Again, RamseySolutions.com slash Gazelle. Sorry, I had to tell the people where to get the beautiful card.

I'm very excited to run this by you. I did not tell James, the producer, about this, but he'll be okay. So I was talking about this on the Ken Coleman show today, and I gotta get your take on it. Okay. So there is a lawyer, she is a consumer advocate lawyer out of Hawaii,

and she is suing Romano's Macaroni Grill, the restaurant chain, because she went to eat there recently. She looked at her receipt, her bill when she was getting ready to sign it, and they charged her a $3 inflation fee. They didn't tell her this when she came to eat some pasta. And she's suing them.

And she's likeing them. And, and, and she's like, this is crazy. Why don't they bake it into the price? I'm just telling you. Bake it in. I don't,

I like what you're doing there, but restaurants, she goes, restaurants are doing this more and more. And if you're not paying attention to it, they, they, they,

they come up with a term for a fee and it's a feed. You were talking about banks and fees and it made me think about this. And so I want to warn the people. What? Because she is suing them. You call from the mountaintop, Ken. I'm just saying. Tell them from the mountaintop.

I'm just saying, you better look at your receipt. Because if Macaroni Grill's doing it, somebody else is doing it. And so they're charging an inflation fee. Now, here's the deal. Restaurants can do anything they want. It's their business. I'm's the deal. Restaurants can do anything they want. It's their business. I'm all for that. Yes. Yes. All I'm saying is when I show up and I'd say a party of

five, please, I would like them to say, oh, by the way, are you aware that we are now charging you a $3 inflation fee? I don't want to find out about it after I've taken my fill of bread and pasta. Yes. Yes. Do you think that that's right? That they don't tell you about it? I think it's not a smart business move. I don't think so either. I would put it in the prices. Because everywhere,

Winston and I just went out on a date on a Wednesday night and we looked at the prices and again, Nashville I guess can be bougie. We were at a pretty standard restaurant I'd say, but it's just, we even laughed, we're like, oh my God.

It's just a lot. I know. What an entree costs. So I wouldn't flinch at my entree being an extra dollar. Right. Fair. And so put it in. So I just think it's bad business.

It is a three dollar inflation fee. I mean, how stupid do we do these people think we are? We're just going to go, oh, well, that makes a lot of sense. No, you just hit me for three dollars for nothing. I mean, that even a real fee you just pulled that out of you you know what and i gotta tell you i told my audience i said let me tell you there's two ways to go let me tell me ken you can go in and ask them i just need to know before i take my seat do you have an inflation fee or some kind of no no you do that No, no, I wouldn't do that. I've given people who are non-confrontational that option.

Oh, yes. I'm confrontational. I love a good confrontation. I'm waiting until the bill comes, and I'm doing this number, and I'm looking at it. Looking, looking. And I'm looking. I go, okay, I can see there. I got the antipasto.

I'm going at it, and I see that, and I go, excuse me, ma'am, sir, come over here. What is this? And the waiter tells you, and you go, I'd like you, we have two options here. Either you can tell your manager I'm not paying for it, or you can send your manager over here, and I'm going to tell them that I'm not paying for it. That's what I would do. That's what you would do.

Someone has to stand up against the fees. Of the people, by the people, for the people, of the man, of the people. I'm just saying, that's ridiculous. I know, but the thing is, is you wouldn't think it's ridiculous if they baked it into the price of your food. But that's not the scenario I'm a man of the people. I'm just saying, that's ridiculous. I know, but the thing is, you wouldn't think it's ridiculous if they baked it into the price of your food. But that's not the scenario I'm bringing up. I know, I know. I'm saying that you have to fight for your finances, people.

$3 here, $3 there. That kills your budget. Before you know it. I'm just telling you, James. Somebody has to stand up for the people. Every dollar's not working. This is a great tease because we're actually doing a fine print episode next season all about macaroni and grill.

We are? Oh, well, listen, nothing against them. They believed you. Hey, listen, I like to frequent that joint. They got good food, but I'm going in there

and believe you me, I'm going, hey, party of five, please. Okay, so what, okay. No inflation fee. Here's what's fascinating to me, though, that she was so... She sued them.

Did she sue them? I like it. Like you go to a lawsuit, you go... you go i like it no i think i just pay the fee i don't have time okay i don't have time in my life i want to make sure that the people hear what's happening to deal with that i'm anti inflation rachel's like i don't care i have so much financial peace that i don't care if i went to olive garden and it was an extra two bucks, I am not going to think, I'm going to lawyer up. I didn't say go around suing people. Well, I just told her, though.

I just said, I can't believe she went down the road. I would just pay. And now you're saying, well, Rachel would just pay us. She doesn't care about your money or inflation. I'll tell you why I like it. She's an actual lawyer, so she's not hiring us. Oh, that's fair. Okay.

I like that it's her lane, and she's kind of standing up for the people. Yeah. No, I hear you why I like it. She's an actual lawyer, so she's not like hiring. Oh, that's fair. Okay. I like that it's her lane and she's kind of standing up for the people. Yeah. No, I hear you. I hear you. And she was, I think it's $3 inflation fee. I mean, it's ridiculous. Okay. So what should they do?

So let's say macaroni. Can we just talk about the situation? What if macaroni? I'm glad you asked me. I have an answer. Well, good. So if macaroni girl said, I am not going to raise our prices because it is so, you know, we're going to figure out how to do this to help the people.

Sure. We're not raising prices. Everyone else says we're not going to. Right. But to offset hourly wages, to offset the price of food, the gas that's in the trucks that deliver the food are charging us more. We're just getting charged more to run business today, which is what's happening. So if every customer pays an extra three bucks, it helps us keep the food costs down of what the customer has to pay.

And it's great. How about you come out and say, you know what? We as Macaroni Grill are not going to charge you a $3 inflation fee. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to keep prices the same because we know that everybody wants to go out and have a nice meal every once in a while. So we're going to be the restaurant chain who doesn't jack our prices

because as a corporation, we make a good amount of money and we'd love for you to support us. Now, you know what would happen? Everybody would go, let's go to Macaroni Grill. And everybody's going to tip the waiters and waitresses very nicely.

Well, I see on the board here, Rick has something about restaurants are getting discounts. Now, this is talk radio. Okay. Live reaction. rick rick are you hearing us chat about macaroni grill yes i did how you doing today we're doing great what say you rick um what a lot of restaurants around here are doing which i'm surprised they didn't do it in the beginning because anytime you use the card those businesses are getting charged by the people that process the payments. Yep, yep.

So what the restaurants are doing around here, there's been two or three of them here in our area locally here, that what they're doing is if you pay cash, you pay a cheaper rate, and they're basically, if you use a card, then they're passing that payment on, so that's a way for them not to have great prices. On to you. That's fantastic.

And people use cash, too. Love it. See, now that's innovation without sticking it to the little guy who just wants some breadsticks. You know? That's so good, Rick. Thanks for calling in on that.

That's a great... Thank you, Rick. So, restaurants out there, Rick makes an excellent point. We want to stop inflation. Everybody stand together. Take your Rachel Cruz wallet, take out the out-to- the out to eat money out the cash and you get charged there look what she did there then if you use a card because there's no fees for the merchant i see this is how we fight inflation how do we how do we think through this america you know what we ought to do james 30 days all americans decide we're only going to eat stuff in our house.

We're going to go on a spending freeze. Watch Target, Walmart, Kroger, and all of them drop prices. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. This might be the only thing that can unite America. There it is. We can unite it again. Ken and Rachel for America. This is the Ramsey Show. so welcome back to the ramsey, where we are taking your calls about your money, your career, your relationships, anything and everything.

888-825-5225. Up next is Karina in Boise. Hey, Karina, welcome to the show. Hi. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. How can we help? So last week, me and my fiance broke up because we couldn't decide on finances. And also more importantly, we couldn't decide on how to inherit our kids. He has two boys and I have one son and I have a paid for house and I make a bit more money than him.

And he has a house with some equity in it, but he has a roommate on the title and mortgage because I guess they invested together. And then, um, so I am, I am Christian and I know God wants us to put our spouse before our children, but I think in our arguments, I was just having such a hard time. And, um, you know, I haven't, I haven't been with my fiance, but for a week, but just moving forward with him or without him, I need to figure it out for the next time that this comes up about and, you know, figure out how to deal with it, you know. Do you guys share children?

Yes, children. Are your children from different folks? Do you share them? What's the situation? Yeah, he has two boys with his first wife. Okay. And I have a son, and I pretty much raised him alone. His father was not involved.

Okay, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. And what was the disagreement about, Karina? So I think it all started when I mentioned to him that when I moved into my house, which has paid off, I wanted to leave this as an inheritance to my son because I think I sacrificed a lot of quality time when my son was little because I was going to school for engineering and I was single and I was working. So I didn't get to spend that quality time with him. And when I finally got that stability, I wanted to give it to him kind of to make up for what I couldn't do before so it's really emotional for me to talk about

finances and um my my ex-fiancee she wasn't understanding that and um and I to this point I get it like um your spouse should come first. But in terms of finances, I'm just having a hard time dealing with that. Yeah. Did you initiate the breakup or did he? It was just kind of mutual. We just kind of got tired of talking about different scenarios and how we can make it work. And we both argued our points.

Like, I know he wants to protect his children, and I want to protect my son in terms of, you know, what we have established already. So what's your question for us specifically? Like, how do you go about finances in, like, a second relationship when you already bring in children? Do you, like... Because how old are the kids? Do you just inherit them, or do you just not get married?

My son is 21. Okay. And then his kids, he has a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old. Okay. So, no, I let Rachel take the bigger crux of the relationship and money, but I want to- He's 21 and he has a 15-year-old? No, my son is 21. My fiance is 47.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought you meant he has more he as in your fiance i'm sorry i apologize yeah i i just want to i want to point out something that's come up twice in the conversation with us and i just want to get that out of the way and i let rachel kind of help you on this and and i can weigh in on the marriage stuff too but this idea that the bible says that you value your spouse over your kids, this idea that that means you disinherit your son. No, no, no, no. This is all going to fall under the same umbrella that Rachel's going to advise you on, on y'all being on the same page.

And it doesn't matter if the kids are coming in from previous relationships or not. But no, under no scenario are you going to disavow or as you're saying disinherit your son uh that's not part of the equation and if that's part of the conversation it's not healthy and you did the right thing by walking yeah and Karina for you as a mom um because I can only imagine the sacrifices that you made when he was little and that's where a lot of this emotion is coming from. And so I feel like I would kind of challenge you to say, you know, this is a symbol. This house is a symbol of your hard work.

You feeling guilty, probably a level of mom guilt of leaving your son when he was younger. And it's excruciating. You know, when I had to leave my kids, I had a four-year-old crying in the garage when I pulled out to come do this show. Like, it's not fun. Like, it is hard as a mom for those working and that you're like, oh. And so you, as a single mom especially,

went through so much, Karina, so much in order to have this. But I would just challenge you, not that this would change your decision, but I want you to, if you can, separate this house and what you did for your son and the relationship you have with your son. This house has become a symbol. And I don't want it to be the make or break breaking point for you in the future with relationships. And I understand that it's to protect this for your son. But just as a mom, I don't want you to carry that burden of still feeling like I have to

make up for what I did. Because Karina, you did what you had to do. You were a single mom. And that was the situation you were in. And so you were not a bad mom for doing this. So giving your son a house or not doesn't make you a good or bad mom. So I want you to kind of separate that language in your head because I feel like that's twisted into this decision. Does that make sense? Yes. Because I, and I applaud you for being so protective of it. Because again, I hear what you walk through with it. So it makes sense.

But I also don't want this house to be the symbol of what I did and I feel bad. And now I have to make it up to my son. Because you know what your son wants, Karina? He wants you. And if he wants his mom to be happy if this man that you love um your your your ex-fiance you know if they're if if that is a relationship that is good for you and it is healthy um and you guys can find the way to to reconcile these two things or this thing of the inheritance which is a big deal but but also at the end of the day, there's a point, too, of companionship and love in a marriage.

Yeah, that's the question I have, Karina. And pardon me for, I was trying to listen. Are you guys on the same page with debt and everything else? Or is there also some separation in the way he sees money and debt and all that stuff? Because you've done everything the right way. Where are you guys on the rest of the stuff? The rest of the money stuff i mean he he's good with money and um yeah he's very smart with money and i don't think there there's an issue there i think it's just more about combining

combining households and um you know is he on the same page with you? And I'm being in one. Right. But let me ask you this. Is he on the same page in relation to debt? That's yes or no. Yes. Okay.

Is he also on the same page that when we come together as a married couple, we combine our finances? Yes. He is more for that than me. He said that we should combine everything. And at the end of the day, we just split it up. Like when we both pass away, we just split it up evenly between all our kids. Okay. All right. All right. So I'm the one that's kind of like selfish because I'm like, I'm bringing in more and and he has two kids, and I have one kid. Yeah, but Rachel's right. I hope you heard Rachel.

I'm telling you, she's right. So I've got to tell you, I'm taking a little bit different tack here. I think you guys need to have a nice dinner, and I think you guys need to sit down and get this hashed out and say what really matters, and let's look at the big picture. And you're going to have to let go of some stuff. I love Rachel's advice there. Yeah, but it's hard. I want to see her give this a chance. I know.

Because I feel like this is just about the investment through the inheritance. I know and it becomes this thing and we don't want our stuff to own us and at that point it's owning a part of you for good reason. I understand it but I want you to have freedom from that and I think it's attached to that mom guilt Karina that I really want you to

think through. So thank you for calling. I hope that helps and I hope you guys can, can go the way that you need to go, whether it's together or separate. Thanks for calling. so so Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz hosting today with Ramsey personality and bestselling author Ken Coleman. Going to the phones, Will in St. Louis is up next. Hey, Will, welcome to the show. Hi, guys.

Thanks for taking my call. Absolutely. How can we help? I have a career question. I work for a medical device company. I work in a very small department of that company. There's four of us for the whole country. And a couple of days ago, I presented a business plan to the VP that identified some gaps in our department and how to fix them and make it work better for the company as a whole. And in that business plan, it created a new manager role. And this morning, I got off the phone with him,

and he wants me to take over that new manager role that my business plan called for. And now I'm just extremely nervous and scared. I feel like I'm going to throw up all day. Hey, be careful what you wish for at one of those deals, huh? Yeah. So I, I've never been in a leadership role before. And, um, like I said, it's a very small team. I'm actually the newest person on this team.

Okay. Um, so you would be, you would be leading three other people if I heard that right? Yes. Okay. All right. So what's your question? I can't wait to answer it. Just how do I transition from, so I've been on this team for five months, so I am the newest guy. Right. How do I transition from being the new guy to being a leader and making this huge jump that I've never attempted before. Yeah. Okay. Great question. You ready? Yeah. You got something to take notes with? Because I might have you write a couple things down. You ready? Yes, absolutely. All right. So you have worked how long in a professional environment? How long have you been an employee?

I've been in the medical device arena for five and a half years. All right, so five and a half years you've been a follower, yes or no? Yes. Yes. And so you've probably had some good leaders. You've probably had some bad leaders. Maybe you've had some average leaders. Is that true?

Yes. Okay. So one of the exercises I want you to go through the next couple days, and preferably tonight start with this, is I want you to write down all of the things that you would say, I've worked under good leaders, and these are the good attributes. These are the things that I remember seeing and thinking, that was a good leader.

That was good leadership. And then I want you to do remember seeing and thinking, that was a good leader. That was good leadership. And then I want you to do the opposite and say, okay, when I worked for a bad leader, this is what they did that I thought was bad and it wasn't good. And this is just you kind of, as a follower, you know what good leadership looks like. You know what bad leadership looks like. And I want you to just write it down and go, okay, so now I remember and I've got some experience. That's the first thing. The second homework assignment that I want you to think through is I want you to think through what you think now because you came up with this whole

business plan and you came up with this idea of a manager. Now they're going to give you the role. And I want you to ask yourself this question. If I were in the other three people's shoes, how would I want me to treat them? Like, so put yourself in their shoes and go, wait a second, I'm the new guy. And now I'm going to be in a leadership position. If I were in their shoes and I had a new guy come in and all of a sudden he was my leader, how would I want to be treated? Do you understand that question? Yes. All right, write that down.

All right, now, those are the two homework assignments, and that's going to put you in the right place, I think, from a posture towards how I'm going to treat people. Now, there are some basic exercises that I tell new leaders because everybody's scared to become a leader when you haven't led before. But I think if you do two things every week, Will, every week, I think you could become a tremendous leader. And these are the two things. And even if they're remote, I want you to do these two things every week. The first thing is I want you to get on a regular schedule once a week, at minimum, asking your team, the the three people how are they doing personally this is not a

how you doing in the hallway as a greeting this is hey how are you doing how's life learn about their their marriage their kids uh their mom and dad's health learn everything you can about them and you're asking them on a regular basis how are you doing now? Now, listen, leaders, that's a personal question. How are you doing? They tell you. So you might get some personal answers. You're going to get some personal answers. But this is where you begin to build a relationship with them, and they learn that you care.

Now, the second question is, how can I help you win in your role? How can I help you win in your role? That's it. You can say it however you want to, but that's the heart of the question. So the first question is a relationship question. And the second question is a servant-based leadership question. How can I help you win? Well, I need this, or this has been happening. I think we need to look at this. Okay, great. Let me see if I can get in and make change. And those two questions are going to help you develop trust and then credibility. Too many young leaders try to go in, Rachel, and establish credibility

when certainly in this situation where you're the new guy, maybe you have some older co-workers, and all of a sudden you're the new green leader, and they're kind of looking at you, kind of going on, what's the story here? Whose butt did he kiss to get here? And there's all that cynicism. They try to win on credibility and you cannot win on credibility until you win relationally. Yes. Win relationally first, professionally next.

I could probably take over your job, Ken. You know why? I wrote a few things down as you were talking. I was like, what? Am I? Because I'm not a, I'm. You followed though. I have a brand leader.

Yeah, you do. Who reports to Jerry Breland, right? What would you say? We're in the chain of command. So I'm, I have, I have Katie, I have a brand leader who reports to Jerry Breland, right? So like, we're in the chain of command. So I thought, what makes my, what the leaders I've had working, what do I love about them? Like what makes them a leader? I put personal and the question, what can I do for you? You're kidding me. Literally.

Look at that. That's incredible folks. So I'm not kidding. Well, when I feel like she knows what's going on and it's been you know a hard season with the kids or something and she asks okay so how was so-and-so this morning how did she do i'm like thank you for just knowing me because it may be a hard morning and i just appreciate your acknowledgement that's it and then when they ask hey how what do you need from me it is like the most humble question because a lot of

leaders in a toxic way feel like what can you do for me because I'm leading this thing well let's flip that for a second it's like when you're a servant leader and you truly are like hey I'm actually going to serve you as my team like that is a that's a paradox that people are not used to well and people will be loyal to you because, man, that's hard to find. So let me flip that right in Rachel's scenario there. If as a leader, new leader, current leader, whatever, if you ask the how can I help you win in your job question and you've not established the personal relationship, guess what?

People are afraid to tell you because they feel like if I tell you what I need, you're going to think that I'm weak, that I can't do the job, and you may fire me. But when you lead with the personal and you say, how are you doing? And the employee feels as though you know them, see them, as Rachel said, and then they trust you because of the relational connection. And then they're going to go, well, I'm glad you asked me. Hey, Will, there's three guys on the team or three people?

Yes. Yes. You know what I would do? I would take them. Are you married, Will? I am. Okay. I would take you and your wife

and take each of them separately out to dinner. And if they're married, bring their spouse. There's just three of them. I love it. You don't have to do 20 dinners because there's not 20 of them. Begin to build a relationship. Yeah, and just be like, hey, I want to take you guys out to dinner and kind of get to

know you guys on a personal note. And that jump starts that personal connection. By the way, I want to point out, Will, I don't know if you've been listening the entire hour, but I wouldn't take him to Macaroni Grill. You're going to get hit with the inflation fee. Or at least ask ahead of time. And call that manager over, Will manager say listen i'm bringing in some some people from my work it's a corporate dinner man am i gonna get hit with the inflation

fee what are all your thoughts on all of that that ken just ken just gave you what do you think i like it yeah it's it's an interesting um take on it i've never thought of it that way before. Will, you can lead. You can lead because you can love people. We've got too many leaders who don't know how to love the people that they're trying to lead. It's not that hard, folks. That's right.

Well, that hour's in the books. What's the old saying? Put this hour in the books. I like this gesture. I don't know. I did a little gesture there. Gentlemen in the booth, thank you for all your hard work. Ken, always great to be with you.

This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, folks. Ken Coleman here. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? It's your daily dose of advice on life and money. Check out all of our shows from The Ramsey Network wherever you listen to podcasts.