The Ramsey Show - App - My Fiancée and I Are Not on the Same Page (Hour 2)

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

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Starting point is 00:00:00 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your work, your relationships and mental health, and your money. I am John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and good friend Ken Coleman, and we are taking your calls on just about anything. 888-825-5225. Kelly's here to take your calls, and we will get you on the air. Let's go to Jerry in Phoenix, Arizona. Hey, Jerry, what's going on, my brother? Hey, guys. Good to talk with you both. You too. What's up? So I recently started a new job in the, I guess, job realm that I would love to be in.
Starting point is 00:01:10 It's an incredible job so far, but I feel slightly underqualified just because I never did like any formal schooling for it. And so I'm wondering if I'm already in the space that I want to be in, would it still be an efficient use of time to go back and actually get a four-year college degree or go into getting certifications and things? I'm in the IT world. If I should just specialize right away. Specialize. You don't need a degree. You're already in the field.
Starting point is 00:01:46 And many times people feel that the degree is the ticket in. And in the technology world, this is increasingly not the case. And so you're already in. Now the specialized is the key word. The specialized certifications and qualifications, that's what you need. And the fact that you're already in makes you even more valuable immediately because many times they'll pay for it. If they go, okay, Jerry's going to stay with us if we pay for his qualifications,
Starting point is 00:02:12 I'd start looking at all those opportunities. But it's simple. If college and a degree doesn't get you where you want to go, it's not the only way, then why in the world would you do it? And I think you've already seen that's the case yeah yeah that makes sense um i i still felt like uh you know there are probably just some external pressures saying you know what you are worth less because you don't have a college degree wait a second and i think who said that and so who are the external pressures?
Starting point is 00:02:48 Well, I would say it's not necessarily like from a, as a person you're worthless. I just think that there have been like several studies on potential earnings over a lifetime for people that have college degrees versus don't. But, you know, some of those studies may be outdated. Well, no. I look at that stuff every day. It's a part of what I do on the Ken Coleman Show. So there's no question that when you compare people who don't have a degree,
Starting point is 00:03:18 people who have a degree, that that's the case. Those studies are relevant. But we're not talking about that's a wide open field and understand that field the case. Those studies are relevant, but we're not talking about, that's a wide open field and understand that field of study and that research shows the high and the low, but we're talking about you and technology, and I'm challenging you to find any evidence that says you need a degree to go where you want to go in technology. Have you found that? No, I haven't. Because it doesn't exist, not in technology. Not in technology. Now listen, if you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer or physicist, and I could keep going, a chemist and on and on and on and on and on, then yes,
Starting point is 00:03:56 you have to have a four-year degree and then a higher education degree, but not in technology. This is, let me tell you where this whole call started out. The first thing I heard that is really the source of your call is that you got in the field and you said, I feel underqualified. Do you remember saying that? Yeah. Your feeling has no factual evidence to support it. Would you agree with that? I would agree with most of that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Who has told you otherwise? Has your new boss said, you've got no business being here? Or your new co-worker says, I can't believe they let you in here? No, I think it's probably internal monologue
Starting point is 00:04:43 saying that because there's just a lot that I don't know and don't understand yet. Hold on, hold on. I'm also confident that I can learn. Yeah, there we go. Jerry, you're not underqualified for what you're doing now. You feel like you're underqualified for what you want to do. Is that what's going on? Yeah, that's a much better way of putting it.
Starting point is 00:05:02 I see why you do this for a living. Right. Well, but here's the point. So I'm going to go back to what I said. I was right all the way, better way of putting it. I see why you do this for a living. Right. Well, but here's the point. So I'm going to go back to what I said. I was right all the way, not some of the way. Okay. Because here's why, Jerry. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:05:13 Your boss thinks you're qualified for the gig you got now, so you are. You're not qualified for what you want to do. No big deal. I can go get qualified for what I want to do. Go do that. And stop thinking that you're an imposter. And so at Ramsey Solutions, we hire different sorts of technology folks, and we've even gone to sending our own people through different training certifications to increase,
Starting point is 00:05:36 like Ruby on Rails or different programming languages and things like that. There's always certificates of things you can level up with. Sometimes your employers even pay for those if you show an interest in wanting to learn that stuff. Or you can do it online by yourself at night and learn these languages. Or you can just tinker around and work and work and chip away at it and
Starting point is 00:05:55 learn them yourself. But that's about you grinding it out. That's not you having some kind of magical pixie dust certificate that you can wave around and say, look, I've got value. I've got value. Brother, you're in the door. Now you've got to work and crank it out and do excellent work and be someone that's fun to hang around with. And then your value is going to speak for itself.
Starting point is 00:06:13 That's right. You don't need a degree for status, Jerry. Stop chasing status. You're significant, man. You're significant. Do you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, you've got talent, man. You're significant. Do you hear me? Yeah. Yeah, you've got talent, man.
Starting point is 00:06:27 You love technology work. You care about the missional result of the work that makes you significant. Nobody gives a crap about where you went to school. I love technology. Remember that? Yeah. It's a great movie. All right, it's time to put 2021 behind us.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Last year left a lot of people feeling burned out and sluggish. Eeyore was their spirit animal, but 2022 is a fresh start, and this is your wake-up call. If you're ready to own this year and actually accomplish your goals with money, your career, and life, we have the plan to get you there. You can make 2022 your best year yet, despite what all the nonsense on the news is telling you. We're running our New Year's sale right now so you can get up to 73% off our bestselling books, assessments, and envelopes. This includes Dave's brand new book, Baby Steps Millionaires, that will show you the quickest, right way to become a millionaire. Or if you're looking for a better way to manage your cash,
Starting point is 00:07:19 especially in categories that always blow up your budget, like food, pick up our popular essential cash envelope systems. Maybe you're having a hard time bouncing back from the last two wild years. You should start 2022 by checking out my quick read, Redefining Anxiety. Or if you're ready to move careers, check out Ken Coleman's From Paycheck to Purpose. The point is we got books for everybody going through everything. Go to our online store at ramsaysolutions.com backslash store to get serious and make real progress. But hurry, the sale ends soon. Ken, how many people do you talk to on a weekly basis that have it all lined up and they are the ones standing in their own way? It's about 50% of the calls
Starting point is 00:08:06 because people are calling in many ways just to say, here's what I'm thinking or feeling. Here's what I'm doing, Ken. Do you think I'm off my rocker or should I do it? They're looking for permission. It's all fear and doubt and pride.
Starting point is 00:08:19 It's one of those three enemies. Fear, doubt, or pride. Always. Those are the enemies of progress. We'll be right back on the show you Folks, having an ID theft protection plan has just become a necessity in today's digital world. For you and your children, the risk of being a victim is higher than ever. With all of these devices and time spent online,
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Starting point is 00:09:46 800-3525-5225 I'm John Deloney joined by Ken Coleman. We are taking your calls on life, work, money, anything and everything. Let's go to Jessica in Kansas City, Kansas. Hey, Jessica, what's going on? Hi, thank you guys so much for taking my call. Of course, thanks for calling. What's going on? Hi, thank you guys so much for taking my call. Of course. Thanks for calling.
Starting point is 00:10:26 What's up? So my husband and I are kind of on baby step three. I say kind of because we actually hit three months of expenses saved today. So we've got that and have kind of settled that we're okay with that. However, I think... I call bull crap on that. You're not okay with it.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Well, so I think that we're going to have to like re-level our home. Our car is going to break down and we're going to like lose our jobs all in one day, which is probably unrealistic. But... Jessica, you are my sister you are my sister in spirit i am with you sure ken and i will go to dinner and it's like ken you know
Starting point is 00:11:15 it's all coming down right dude you yeah i'm with you i'm with you but hey i want to go all the way back you said we're good with it i could tell in in your voice, he's good with it. You're not. Is that, is that accurate? Right. Okay. So it, so it sounds so exciting to be like, we're on baby step four. Realistically, we could pretty much invest 15% of our household income unscathed, um, with putting it into retirement. And then that would be really cool to be like okay well now we're on baby step five um but I just do I do we move on and three months is good and then every you know little surprise we just put a little bit more in our emergency fund or do we say hey let's just stick it out for another half a year and put the extra three months in and then move on or kind of right in the, I don't know. I need advice.
Starting point is 00:12:12 You're asking two questions. One is a math problem and one is an existential issue. The math problem is simple. How much do y'all make? What's your total income? Yeah. So taxes taken out, we make about 80,000. 80,000. And you owe no money except on your mortgage. How much is your mortgage? Our mortgage, we just got our home recently. So we owe about 200,000 on it. Okay. And how old are you two?
Starting point is 00:12:48 I'm 24, and my husband's 25. And what do you all do for a living? I'm in healthcare marketing, and he works for a university as a graduation advisor. And then I also have a part-time job that I love. So kind of three things. And so when I'm looking at the math here, you've got three months of emergency funds saved up. You owe nobody any money. You all make about $80,000 a year. And both of you are in relatively – you might not as much as him, but he's got a lot of places to grow professionally, right?
Starting point is 00:13:22 He's not going to be a graduate advisor forever. Is that right? Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And I don't know where you are in your career, but you've got places to go. You've got a very reasonable mortgage here. So math-wise, three months sounds fine.
Starting point is 00:13:36 Are your cars falling apart? Are the wheels going to fall off of them all at the same time? No, mine can stick it out pretty well, and my husband's is fairly reliable, but probably only has a few more years left on it. But when in doubt, we could go down to one car pretty easily. All right, so I think John's right. Existential's a fancy word.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I just think this is a relationship communication problem. I'm just curious, is he just like, I want to start Baby Step 4 right now, investing 15%? He's like gung-ho. He's ready to start seeing some ROI. Is that what's going on? How passionate is he on moving to Step 4 on a scale of 1 to 10, meaning 1 doesn't care, 10, he's charging the gates of hell with a water pistol. Where is he at? He's probably like a two. He could probably stay in baby step three for a while. I knew it.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Okay, well, this isn't that big of a problem. That's what I'm saying. He's a two. The problem's not been him ever. Jessica, it's you. Oh, it's in her head. Okay. You want to go to baby step four, and you don't feel safe.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Why don't you feel safe? Um, you know, I think it's because I have always felt like I need to do everything. Like I need to save, but invest in retirement and invest elsewhere. And I like put, I want to put my hands in like five baskets at once instead of focusing on one and moving on. I have a question, Jessica. Do you really think your fear of all the bad stuff happening is going to go away with three more months savings? I feel like yes, but probably not. I think the second part's true.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Now, Dave came up with these baby steps. If he were on here, I think he would say, we say three to six months based on your tolerance for concern and worry and fear. There's no right or wrong answer. But you've got to engage with what's really
Starting point is 00:15:38 going on with you. And it's that you and John are exactly like, I'll never forget going to a great lunch with John and his wife Sheila and my wife Stacy. And it was hilarious. In a 30-minute lunch, I think four times she rolled her eyes at you because you basically were chicken little. Like the worst possible scenario could happen. My wife, that's right.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Speak to this lady. Sheila was like, John. So I think that's what's going on. If you want to do six months and it makes you feel better, great. I'm not sure that's going to solve the problem. So, Jessica, here's how I handle this, okay? Number one, I'm always looking to solve for safety within reason. So if another three months makes you feel better, you're talking about what, $6,000, $7,000?
Starting point is 00:16:23 Well, yeah. Well, so version i guess i say my version six thousand six or seven thousand four dollars well so we try like i attribute like 6500 for a month like as if our life were to not change all right so you want to get about 15 or 18, 20,000 more dollars in that account. All right. If that makes you like, you will breathe fine. But the kid was alluding to, there's another step here and I'm going to say this publicly. I don't talk about it a lot. I actually carry in my backpack, my awesome go ruck backpack that I can carry around hundreds of pounds in. I have a small little notebook that I carry. And I wish there was another name that wasn't so cheesy, but this is what it is. It's my stories journal. And I write down crap that comes into my head to make sure I can get it out of my head and look at it objectively. Because I will spin up sometimes. I'll get frustrated
Starting point is 00:17:22 sometimes. I'll think it's all coming down sometimes. And if I don't address it right away, if I don't take action to control my thoughts, I will end up in a mountain of gummy candies trying to call somebody to go get a drink. And hey, right, right, it just spins out on me. And so what I want you to do is to begin to carry something. And I call her in a previous hour. I told him you can go to Walmart and get something for 99 cents
Starting point is 00:17:44 or you can overpay for something on Etsy and get some fancy artist. I don't care what it is, but carry something around with you. You can use your notes app on your phone, but I want you to begin to write down these. It's all coming down catastrophes. This is the end of time. We're going to have I want you to begin to write that down. And I literally want you to hold it at arm's length, and I want you to do one thing.
Starting point is 00:18:07 Demand evidence. Is this true? And what you're going to find is the more you solve for safety, if you don't deal with those stories, your anxiety will move on you, and it will move again, and it will move again. And suddenly, oh, he's answering the phone. It's probably some other woman. And, oh, my kid's coughing.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Oh, no, it must be. You're just going to keep moving the bar until you deal with those stories. oh he's answering the phone it's probably some other woman and oh my kid's coughing oh no it must be right you're just going to keep moving the bar until you deal with those stories and when you look at them objectively you get them outside and you say is this true and you go no then you can begin to write something new i am safe i have six months emergency fund brain thank you for trying to take care of me, but I'm good. Does that sound more peaceful? It does, yes. Thank you. And listen, Jessica, practically speaking,
Starting point is 00:18:53 I think I can speak for everybody that's walking the baby steps out. When you get that emergency fund fully funded, it still sucks when you have to use it. Oh, it's the worst. You don't want to use it. But guess what you do? That's what it's for. You replenish it. The emergency fund is there for
Starting point is 00:19:05 you to not have an actual emergency because financially you're able to take care of it guess what you refund it and life just keeps on going but can we acknowledge it's the worst to work that hard for a fund like that and then have to dip into it but that's why it's there it's the worst yes and you won't feel like there's no parade there's no things that fall from the sky when you go to baby step four that's right so if you need to feel like there's no parade. There's no things that fall from the sky when you go to Baby Step 4. That's right. So if you need to feel safe and fully fund your emergency fund, great. But you stop at month six and start investing.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Got it? And then address those stories that are haunting you. You are worth a good night's sleep. We'll be right back. Triple A, 825-5225. Let's go to Abe in Sacramento. Hey, Abe, what is going on, my brother? Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call.
Starting point is 00:20:23 You got it, man. How can we help? So I'm thinking about buying a new truck and I'm just trying to make sure it's a good decision. I don't owe any money to anybody. Paid off my house about three, four years ago. I have the money to pay cash, but it's just $ it's $45,000. And, uh, last time I purchased a new car, I said, I'm never buying a new car again. Uh, I'm just trying to see if it makes sense and, uh, trying to, to make sense of all this. What kind of truck is it? Uh, it's a Toyota Tacoma. That's a great truck, man. What, um, what's your annual salary? So household is about 120. Okay. So you got no debt,
Starting point is 00:21:12 you got no house payment. Normally, I don't want you spending more than half your take-home pay on vehicles, anything with wheels on it. Okay. So this falls underneath that a new truck is just expensive right now what i would tell you is man the difference between a 20 and a 22 what are we talking financially is it 5 000 10 000 or are they giving the bonkers market now exactly there's not going to be uh i'm actually getting a good deal on a new truck uh a two-, three-year-old truck I can probably buy for around the same money from a dealership. So it's just – it's not a lot of difference. Any other time – I always wanted to –
Starting point is 00:21:56 Yeah, any other time I tell you – because Dave's rule of thumb is don't buy a car unless you have a million dollars. Buying new cars, I just always think that's just a dumb idea unless you're just swimming in cash. In this current weird moment, based on your economic situation, I don't have any problem with it. What's your hesitation? It's just a lot of money. It's hard for that money. It's just hard to just write a check and drive away. So, okay.
Starting point is 00:22:23 So, I want to lean in on this, John. Yeah. Let's the three of us do this together, Abe. I love that John asked you that. You called us, and you basically were like, John, Kent, should I buy this truck? You got no debt. You got the cash. You know, opinions can vary on this issue.
Starting point is 00:22:40 That's not what's going on. I think in your heart of hearts, you wanted us to tell you not to do it. Is that true or false? I don't mind if I'm wrong. I kind of wanted the other way around. I kind of knew all the rules, you know, that 50%. So I kind of wanted to hear from you guys to say, you know what, go splurge a little bit. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:22:58 Well, John did. He gave you that. But I got to tell you something. I still think you feel bad about it and i think you got to come to grips with that because you're going yep uh man 45 000 that's a lot of money i could do something with it so then you have to sit there and ask yourself what matters most i think the permissions are there i think john already answered it you got what you wanted i just think this is significant enough for you to sit there and go all right what if i bought a five-year-old toyota and let's say i spent 35 and i got 10
Starting point is 00:23:34 grand what would i do with the 10 grand i think you just should play it out there's no right or wrong with you but i actually want you to wrestle with this a little bit more because i think that's what's really going on and i think you got to feel good about this yourself not get permission from two dudes you don't know why do you want a new truck well i forgot to tell you guys this i already have a truck i have a 2011 so you know i'm planning to sell that hey believe me with that yeah that would have been nice to know how much is that How much are you going to get for that? Probably about $20. Bro.
Starting point is 00:24:10 Hang up the phone and go buy a truck. Go buy the truck because you're getting $20 from the one car and you're only putting $25 in. And then come up with something cool with the $20. Give it away. Do something cool. Dude. How old are you, Abe? 38.
Starting point is 00:24:23 When's the last time you did Again, I am as cheap as they come When's the last time you did something nice for yourself? You know, that's why they call me Squeaky Abe Abe, go buy a truck, dude Go buy a truck, sleep well I thought he was coming out of pocket 45 He's only going to come out 25 after he sells that truck.
Starting point is 00:24:45 I know. All right, let's go to Garrison in Gulfport, Mississippi. What's up, Garrison? Hello. What's up? Can you hear me? Yes, sir. Awesome.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Well, first off, I appreciate everything you all do. I'm talking to my two favorite people in the world right now. Oh, wow. That's nice. You've got to get better people in your life. That's the truth. Well, I just now hit Baby step two about a week ago and my new year's resolution was to you know be more financially stable and to get myself out of debt and be provide well for my family and um i'm not seeing eye to eye with my fiance. I just found out on Christmas Eve that we are expecting our third baby.
Starting point is 00:25:28 And every time I bring up the budget and wanted to do it with her, she just keeps blowing it off. And I'm one of the payoffs are dead, but she's not seeing eye to eye with it. And I've been listening to y'all podcasts. I'm listening to the John Deloney show, the Randy show, and the King Coleman show for the last six months. I'm a truck driver and I love to y'all podcasts. I'm listening to the John Deloney show, the Randy show, and the Ken Coleman show for the last six months. I'm a truck driver. And I love everything y'all do.
Starting point is 00:25:49 So I was just trying to reach out and see if y'all could help me out. So first thing, congratulations on number three. How old are your other two? My son is five, and my daughter just turned one this month. When are you getting married? See, she's not ready yet. She told me recently she does not want to get married until she gets, excuse my language, a full job.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Okay. You're about to have your third kid. She's not ready yet. That doesn't compute for me, but that's a different call. You can call one of our shows and we'll talk about that. So when it comes to getting people on board, usually somebody's coming at somebody with either a bunch of, you need to do this, you need to do that right away, or they're coming at them with a math problem. If we just do this, we can save this much and then put this much away. And neither math problems nor people barking orders at you are ever compelling for long-term behavior change.
Starting point is 00:26:53 What is, is sitting down and saying, this is my heart in this matter. I am, I feel unsafe having three kids and owing this kind of money. I feel like I am not providing for this family because we are spending tomorrow's money on last month's food. Let me jump in. Garrison, there's a relationship issue that John's alluding to that's a whole other onion in this phone call, but we have to address this for a second. There is no we right now.
Starting point is 00:27:24 You guys aren't married. I'm assuming you have separate accounts, or do you guys join accounts, or you're paying each other's debts? What's going on? What does it look like? So, recently I'm a truck driver. I'm out on the road, so I put her on my account, but then she still has her own account with her job that she does.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Okay. My point is you have debts and she has debts, correct? Yes, sir. Okay. You need to be addressing your debts, and she does not need to be in your bank account if you guys aren't married. I'm not questioning her.
Starting point is 00:27:57 I'm not trying to take us down that road of why she's not ready, but I'm just telling you to protect yourself. John, I thought you used the right word here. I mean, you're the father of these children, but you guys aren't married, ready but i'm just telling you to protect yourself john i thought use the right word here i mean you are these child you're the you're the father of these children but you guys aren't married and you need to take care of your debt we're talking about legal legal legally right and hey garrison i i don't want to be the first guy to tell you this but here we go a breast enhancement surgery is not a reason to not get married.
Starting point is 00:28:26 There's something else here. Am I right? Yeah, I think there is. You know, I don't know if it's hard for her, me being out on the road this whole time and being so far away, I'm not sure. It's enough that she keeps having children with you, but not enough that she has said, I want to get married. Your relationship, y'all are, this is one of those,
Starting point is 00:28:50 I'm going to flip the lights on, turn the music off and say, hey, we got to stop the party. Something's not right. Yeah. I've heard you say that before. Yep. And you're there now.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Okay. Garrison, take care of you, dude. Yes. And those three little babies, take care of your relationship. But there's some dishonesty there. There's some mess here going on, and you need to get to the bottom of it. But when it comes to taking care of your money, you know what?
Starting point is 00:29:14 All this, Ken, you're right. This is all a relationship issue. Y'all are not on the same page at all in any way, and you're making humans together. You've got to get on the same page today. find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code RAMSY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Ashley in Minnesota after eight years in college.
Starting point is 00:30:24 My husband is graduating soon with a degree in chemical engineering. We currently live with my dad, and his parents support my husband when he needs money. He has a great internship that will most likely turn into a full-time job. He doesn't hate the job, but now he's saying engineering isn't fulfilling, and he wants to go into law enforcement. I don't want him to do this for many reasons, but mostly I don't want him to do this because we literally can't afford to live off of what a police officer would earn. I don't want to have to choose between paying our mortgage and a car payment or a car payment.
Starting point is 00:30:56 He acts like I'm the bad guy because I encouraged him to go into chemical engineering. He doesn't seem to understand paying bills isn't optional. I'm tired of always being the adult in this situation should my husband start a career that won't allow us to pay our bills when he has a great job lined up and this is exhibit a john whoa of a of a relationship question disguised as a career question i that's not a career question you know it and i know it and it's like sweetheart there's so much passive aggression and irritation dripping off of this, John. I can't answer that.
Starting point is 00:31:31 You know that's not a career question. No. That's a relationship issue. James, can we just break this down? Can we spend a little bit on this? There's a lot in this. All right, yeah, go. This is good.
Starting point is 00:31:42 After eight years in college, my husband's graduating with a degree in chemical engineering. You can already feel the disdain over the eight years. Yes. So my husband's dumb and lazy, okay? Right. We currently live with my dad, and his parents support my husband when he needs money. More resentment. So we're living with my parents, my dad, but his parents are paying our bills.
Starting point is 00:32:07 He has a great internship that will most likely turn into a full-time job. He didn't hate it, but now he says he's not fulfilled. He wants to go to law enforcement. Ashley, this is an email of somebody who's about to file for divorce. Yep. That's what this is. Yeah. And so should my husband start a career that won't allow us
Starting point is 00:32:25 to pay our bills when he has a great job lined up is not the question. The question is, are we going to be married this time next year? Yeah. That's where you start
Starting point is 00:32:34 because this email sounds a lot like you resent him and not a lot of relationships come back from resentment. That's usually when things are in ash. This is marriage counseling, heart to heart. Hey, here's what I want from you, and you've not provided it.
Starting point is 00:32:54 She doesn't feel safe with this guy. And he blames her for losing a decade of his life studying something he didn't want to in the first place. These two are just on opposite sides. It's like the old school revolutionary war movies where you know they fought this way yeah they just the british and the americans line up together and they look at each other they shoot each other point blank this this is what this relationship is it feels like it's back and forth back and forth they're not even on the same side and all they're doing is firing at each other close range. That's right.
Starting point is 00:33:25 And, for what it's worth, I grew up in the home of a police officer, and we did not have a lot, but we never missed a meal. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's important. You know what I mean? You know, I'm glad you pointed that out, because she's got a false narrative here. She's got a false narrative. That's right.
Starting point is 00:33:40 You can make a nice living, I mean, certainly now. It's hard. It is hard. It's hard. We don't pay police officers enough. That's right. You can make a nice living. I mean, certainly now. It's hard. It is hard. It's hard. We don't pay police officers enough. That's true. But I grew up in this house, and it was hard, but we made it. And so this, it's all good.
Starting point is 00:33:53 That's not it. You're mad at your husband. You're frustrated with him. You're done with him, actually. And you all need to get to a marriage counselor, ASAP. All right, let's go to Dan in Boise, Idaho. What's up, brother Dan? Hey, how's it going, guys?
Starting point is 00:34:07 Good, how are you? Thanks for taking my call. You got it. What's up? Good. Hey, so I'm in a job where I get calls a lot, a lot of different customers, a lot of clients, a lot of just random people, and I have a very difficult time prioritizing who I should get to first,
Starting point is 00:34:25 because every, in my line of work, everything's an emergency. So when I get a long list of things that I feel like I need to do, it just kind of shuts me down. It just, it just makes it difficult for me to focus on one thing and do that one thing. Then we're to the next week, even though I know that's what I should do. And then I end up doing nothing. And then catching up, you know, the next day or at night or something like that. What is your position, Dave? I do commercial HVAC sales. So you are a salesperson of HVAC systems, correct?
Starting point is 00:35:02 Correct, yeah. And you have a pretty good idea. I'm not going to make you say it on the air, but you have a pretty good idea what your jobAC Systems, correct? Correct, yeah. And you have a pretty good idea. I'm not going to make you say it on the air, but you have a pretty good idea what your job description is, correct? Yeah. Okay. Were you at some point, not right now as you're presenting, but were you at some point pretty clear on what is expected of you as a salesperson of HVAC Systems?
Starting point is 00:35:26 It's not a trick question. Okay, let me ask you a question. When you were hired to be a salesperson of HVAC systems, what is your number one priority, Dan? Well, it'd be to sell systems. But I look at it as providing good customer service to my clients. I don't necessarily look at it as my goal. It's just to sell X amount of systems.
Starting point is 00:35:49 I agree, but I'm trying to help you process all this confusion. You feel confused because you're getting so many different requests, and you're like, I'm having a hard time prioritizing, and I'm trying to help you see what matters most. So what is, if I was talking to your boss right now, what would your boss say your priority is? Probably just the sales part, to be honest with you. Of course. So give me an example of the type of calls that are coming in that are paralyzing you that aren't related to selling.
Starting point is 00:36:24 So I get a lot of calls from clients with little needs and then i feel like i have to take care of you know needs that are not related to sale give me an example service give me an example um so i have a customer who calls in says they have a thermostat problem and they have a it's a minor problem that a service tech could probably take care of. Well, I know that all our service techs are really busy right now, so I feel like I need to stop everything, help this person real quick, and then I can move on. Except that's not what happens.
Starting point is 00:37:00 No. Right. But, Dan, what happens if you, out of the goodness of your heart are always handling those requests and then it starts to cut into your sales dan what's going to happen yeah it hasn't happened yet i didn't wait a second you don't get to answer a different question you have to answer the question that i asked. What happens, Dan, if your sales start to drop? I make less and I'm giving them my
Starting point is 00:37:29 fear and my doubt that I'm always going to fail sometime in the future. And it's possible you could lose your job, too. Yeah, that's pretty that's not going to happen. Confident, Dan! I like this. We went from doubting dan to they're
Starting point is 00:37:46 not gonna get rid of me okay look i'll pass the baton to my to my partner but let me just say this dan you're gonna have to start to get over uh this people pleasing which is a messiah complex you got yeah you got some massive stuff going on here and the reality is you got to do what you know you're supposed to do. So I'll leave it to John on the counseling side, but if you know what you're supposed to do, start doing it. Here's my question. Do you like helping people more than you like selling, Dan?
Starting point is 00:38:14 Do you like taking care of knickknacks and taking care of the people that you're serving more than cold calling somebody? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, there you go. Okay. You don't like your job. So go do something where you can do customer service all day. Or stop trying to be the messiah and save everybody and pass these on to the technicians because that's their job.
Starting point is 00:38:35 And if they don't do their job in a timely fashion and respectable, dignified fashion, then you go to the owner or the CEO or your operating chain of command and you say, I'm trying to love and honor my clients and my customers and these guys on my team will not get the work done. But you trying to circumvent the system and be everything to everybody is giving you a free pass on the hard part of your job, which is actually selling units. Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. So listen, Dan, you have to decide. Do you want to be a customer service rep? Do you want to be a technician?
Starting point is 00:39:11 Or do you want to be a salesperson? It's time to be an adult. You got this. Decide. And then, stop doing other people's jobs. Go do yours. Just do yours. Go watch Frozen.
Starting point is 00:39:20 There's a great little theme song in that called Let It Go. Don't hold it back anymore. Hey, Ken, good show. James Childs, Kelly Daniels, as always, y'all are beautiful and handsome and brilliant. Another hour in the books. We'll be a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.

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