The Ramsey Show - App - My Fiancé's Mom Controls His Finances! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

Career, Relationships, Budgeting, Debt Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us. My co-host today here on the air, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. As we talk about your life and your money, it is a free call. Some say the advice is worth what you pay for it. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Nicole starts us off this hour in Spokane, Washington. Hi, Nicole. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. My husband and I have a question about whether or not it is wise to consider him making his side work his full-time work, or if, like some of our family think, that might be risky to leave his secure government job to do that.

Security is an illusion. Right. So what's he making on his side gig? On a good year when he works a lot, it's about $15,000 a year. And what does he make of his good secure government job? Just over take-home pay is about $50,000 a year. Okay. What is the side gig?

Remodel, repair, construction, general contractor. So he's not doing much of it? Well, he does. Not much. He made $15,000. He should have made $50,000. Well, he does time and materials, and that's part of it is it's this balance between

not having enough time to take on the big jobs and whether or not it's nope um nope you can take on a bunch of little jobs he hadn't taken on enough of those yet so here's the thing a buddy of mine that does renovations made 300 grand last year he has two employees okay this is your husband's future right that's what i want him to do i want to make 300 000 and so he can look at your relatives and go i got your security right here you know right so uh because that's what he needs to do okay but now we've got to get there wisely jumping from 50 to 15 on a hope and a prayer and i could take the big jobs won't work okay yeah so how do we do that we got to get the boat closer to the dock before we jump you're

gonna miss the boat and land in the water so we're gonna work this year like maniacs doing a bazillion little small jobs all of them at time of materials plus profit or profit margin i don't care get better at estimating and deal with it but get your dad gum net profit up to 45 000 and then quit the government job and the next year make 90 well that sounds like a great plan it's not a great plan because this year's going to be hell he's going to work 80 and 90-hour weeks for a year. Okay. He's got two full-time jobs.

Yeah. But you've got to prove it to yourself and to your wife, or if it's the other way around to your husband, that this is real. Because you can't go, you cannot bet on a wing and a prayer that I think I can feed my family from 50 to 15. That's too big a jump. You've got to get the boat closer. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah.

And when you get ready to quit and you're tired and worn out and you made $45,000, you know you can make 90. But right now, you think you might make 90. Right. There's a difference. That's how I would do it if i were in your shoes and then i would uh quit the secure government job and be in the secure construction business because i gotta tell you man renovations and repairs if you show up on time you do good work you keep your word and you keep your price intact you will have more work because nobody does that

in that business you you have no competition you have more work than you'll know what to do with you'll be absolutely swamped that's what happened to my buddy because everybody you know they want to leave at 2 30 on friday and go sit on their butt and drink beer instead of getting their dadgum work done and the jobs have finished and the homeowner's crying and the homeowner's husband or wife's bitching at him because the thing ain't done if you're not that guy you can get rich in the construction business i just now stepped out during the break called my wife and said is everything squared up at the house somebody's supposed to take care of it and she said nope i'm going to do laundry at a friend's house because

they had a flat tire and they're going to have to maybe come tomorrow or the next. It's just the nature of that business. It's the middle of the freaking day. Just show up. You get over there and you fix the stuff. Fix it, man. Oh, my God.

Why is this hard? I don't know, man. And then when they go broke, they'll go, well, the economy got me. It was COVID. No, it was your lazy COVID butt is what it was. go, well, the economy got me. It was COVID. No, it was your lazy COVID butt is what it was. Oh, my God, that drives me bananas. Can you imagine if I called in and said, hey, Dave, I'm on Mr. Radio Show. I got a flat tire.

I'm squared up. I'll holler back at you. No, I can't. You know what? You could imagine that. And then you would say, just your tires are going to be flat for a while. Just don't come back. You ever heard of Uber?

That's right. Get your butt over here and call somebody to fix your tires. fix your tires out we have stuff to do god almighty okay now i guess yeah but i'm telling you the construction but i grew up in the real estate and construction business and i and i'm not mad at construction people they're not all that way but i'm just telling you they're just tell the truth and show up you can make so much money because all you got to do is my son. We were doing a renovation on our house. Daniel was 14 years old.

We're driving along. I know exactly where we were because I kind of panicked. We pulled up at a stop sign because I've been dealing with this person working on our house. And I pull it up a stop sign. Daniel says, Dad, I know what I'm going to do when I grow up. And I'm going, oh, well, this is a revelation. This is cool. What are you going to do?

He goes, I'm going in the construction business. What? He goes, well, it's easy. I said, what do you mean it's easy? He goes, all you got to do is do what you said you were going to do. Ta-da. And you won't have any competition. And I went, you're 14, and you get this.

Hey, you know what? That's kind of the secret to all of life yeah if you just show up and be a good person and do what you say you're gonna do yeah if you work hard and tell the truth you beat 80 of the people because 80 people 80 of the people cannot do those two things and then if you do good work on top of working hard oh that's the other 20 man man. You can charge anything. What's the estimate? Okay, do it.

Done. Yeah, because I can, you know, this is, yeah, you charged me what? Okay, that's okay. It got done. Yeah. I didn't have a flat tire. Nicole. Flat tire. Just tell him to show up and do good work.

Yeah, he's going to be fine, but you've got to prove yourself. $15,000 is too big a jump, okay? So get your income up and then go do it. And your relatives don't understand. My grandmother was the sweetest. I love my grandmother more than anything in the world. Her husband, my grandpa, lost a business in the Great Depression, worked 38 years for Alcoa Aluminum, one job, because it was secure. And I'll never forget, we had this business running,

and I had just sold the financial piece to the publisher for zeros on the end of the decimal. Right. And she said, honey, I hope all this stuff works out. When are you going to get a real job? When are you going to get a real job? There's that. It's just it because to her, I didn't have a real job. I was working for myself, which means I couldn't have got a job, apparently.

Right. So I wasn't employable. That job. I was working for myself, which means I couldn't have got a job, apparently. Right. So I wasn't employable. That's why I was working for myself. I love Grandma. There's probably some truth to that. Our families love us. She probably knew me better than I like to admit. They love us.

Oh, sweet. My precious granny. Loved her more than anything. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new baby boy. Shortly after, they had another expensive medical issue come up. They could have faced a huge financial setback, but thanks to Christian Health Care Ministries,

the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills. As members of CHM, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the longest serving health cost sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau accredited charity. It's Christians helping other Christians, and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. when it comes to staying focused on your goals 2020 has thrown some real curveballs but this year has shown what it's really important to you you can take the losses turn them into learnings you can get back in the game.

You can adjust, but you can only adjust if you had something to adjust to, and that's the original goals that you wrote down. Christy Wright, our number one best-selling author, just launched her brand new 2021. Won't we be glad when that starts? 2021 Goal Planner. Having this planner is like having Christy as your personal coach to plan the whole year ahead. It includes Christy's goal worksheet that you can start on today. The planner itself has the monthly, weekly, and daily calendar sections and new monthly teachings and action plans and powerful journaling and prayer prompts. Why am I telling you about this now? Well, because the planner will sell out really quickly. It is for 2021. It's on sale now at DaveRamsey.com. So you get your money,

your work, your personal life, the brand new Christy Wright 2021 Gold Planner. It's available in our online store right now at DaveRamsey.com. Our question of the day, John, comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you save even more. Always use the magic word, the promo code Ramsey. Question is? The question is, I just started reading this, Dave, and it's blowing my mind. This is an excellent one.

Blinds.com is going to get their money's worth on this one. Today's question comes from Tiffany in North Kentucky. She visits DaveRamsey.com to ask, My fiance's mother controls his finances. He was married for 10 years, and his wife spent a lot of his money, and his mother stepped in after the divorce and pays his bills. He's 37. Oh, crap.

Right? That's what I'm saying. We are getting married in three months, and I've been trying to take over finances, but his mother will not allow it, and he won't stand up to his mom. The only thing we argue about is the finances. I said we should open up a checking account, but he doesn't want to close his current checking account that he shares with his mommy. He wants me to come to his bank, which I don't want to, as I don't want his mother and my finances as well. Is there a way to compromise on this?

Yes, he has to divorce his mother before he can marry you. It's polygamy otherwise. I don't want to hurt tiffany's feelings but too late run run chariots of fire i'm trying to think like dude run run there's tiffany if this was your daughter asking you this question you would tell her, do not marry a mama's boy, a 37-year-old mama's boy. This is going to be a long life. His mother is a trip. And he invites her in his suitcase.

God almighty. Bye, Felicia, Tiffany. Walk away. Walk away. I don't even know what to say to to this i don't know what to say to this bye oh no there's a that's a throwback dude i just throwback thursday no this is i want to hug tiffany north kentucky's what this is i mean it's so easy to poke fun at because it's just so sad and ridiculous but the the truth is that, Tiffany, you've spent way too much time and invested too much already trying to get a guy to be a grown man that's not apparently willing to. Yeah, and the deal is his mom probably loves him and saw that he wrecked the plane the last time, and she didn't want him to take off again. And for good or for worse that's it's not

helpful but it is what it is and so you happen to be female and the last one was too yeah and this is that's bothering his mother yeah somebody got between her and her baby once and it won't happen again but um you you you have a line here that says i don't want his mom and my finances to clear his day this is what you're signing up for so if you go through with this in three months then you are inviting mom into your finances your fault yeah if you go through this yeah so he's not your fiance anymore and when he moves out of his mother's house and takes control of his own life and um becomes a man again um if this was a woman i would say exactly the same thing an adult becomes an adult there we go okay i mean if um if this was the dad controlling the daughter 37 year old daughter's finances it's exact same thing exactly so when you this is this is toxic and weird right and moms

dads don't do this let your 30 year olds. No, no, don't let them fly. Just shove them out. Yes. 37. Failure to launch. If you look around your home and your child doesn't have special needs, that's a whole different thing, and you have the account number to your 37-year-old kid,

you need to go to church. You need to go do something, man. Go find a therapist. Call your friend and say, Hey, buddy, do you have the checking account number? You're a 37-year-old kid. Can you imagine what Winston Cruz would say if I asked to have the account number, access to their checking accounts for Rachel and Winston?

Can you see Winston's face, the look right now? I can see the look. Yes. The storm cloud that would come across his eyes he he would just he would answer you over his shoulder as he gathered his children and headed to the car and he too would say bye Felicia I'm out Dave yeah I just I just I don't understand it and again this is heartbreaking Tiffany and I know you've driven this thing right up to the edge of the cliff before you you're about to hit the gas and drive off the edge but stop you know bridge out bridge out bridge out man bye felicia bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye uh sometimes these blinds.com questions man man. These are fantastic. Yeah. Well, they are. And, you know, I think the best part of that whole discussion is what you said, and that's to moms and dads. Stop. Don't do this. Stop. Make your kids grow up. You are not helping. No.

You're not helping. Okay, I understand he screwed up in his former divorce, and I understand she stepped in to help him get there, but she shouldn't have even at that point been on the account she should have just guided him and said i know you're wounded right now i'll walk with you and i'll coach you just like i would do for you that's right my friend yeah but i don't need to be on your account right in order to help you recover from your misspending wife that you got divorced from i can walk beside you as your friend and do that as two adults instead of me taking over your finances as if you are completely inept. And the moment my son comes

to me and says, hey, I have found the next person and we're getting engaged, you start that transfer. You should have. That should have never been in the first place. You start immediately. Your hands are off. Yeah. But instead, no, she doesn't. He she doesn't he doesn't he no oh man my mom couldn't wait to transfer responsibility to my wife like this is your problem here's the biscuit recipe here's his birth certificate this social security card get out of here man it was hey uh i'm sorry sheila this is your problem now this one's on you good luck with this one i'll be cheering for you that's right see you at christmas see you at christmas yeah um and guys um if you're not gonna have have a backbone, don't get married.

Don't get married. Don't bring somebody else into your dysfunction. Yeah. There's just so much here. There's so many people here that need to be addressed. But wow. And this is classic, too. The other thing that's classic, and you said it earlier, is it starts out with love and good intentions. Always, man.

Most of the time. This mom did not set out to harm this little boy. No. But she did. I have to ask, what role did this type of intrusive parent play in his first marriage what type of intrusive parent has set up a 40 year old kid that doesn't know how to pay his bills mama's a test pilot for a broom factory i mean i man i am not gonna check the um the uh youtube clips after this one.

Well, we might as well because they generally agree with us because that's why they hang out there. It would be funny, though. Oh, my gosh. Tiffany, run, baby, run. So Tiffany is supposed to say bye-bye, Felicia. Is that how this works? Tiffany's just supposed to hit the gas and turn the other way. No, no.

The other way. Oh, Tiffany. Hit the U-turn, spin out. That's right. And hit the gas. turn the other way. No, no. The other, yeah. Oh, Tiffany? Yeah. Hit the U-turn, spin out. That's right. And hit the gas. Okay. Wave in your rearview mirror. See ya, Bubba.

This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention. That's why before I spend a dime of my money on something, I do the research and make sure it's going to live up to what it claims. Recently, I got a great pair of sunglasses from a company called Shady Rays. When you're looking for sunglasses, it feels like your options are limited. Name brand sunglasses cost too much and the cheap knockoffs are ugly and really don't protect your eyes. Discovering Shady Rays is a game changer. With Shady Rays, you can count on premium sunglasses that protect your eyes and are affordable. They give people the best overall value in sunglasses they also replace your shades with

a brand new pair if you lose or break them from day one of your purchase and they guarantee your sunglasses for life plus they offer an exclusive for ramsey show listeners go to shadyrays.com and use the code ramsey for 50 off two or more pairs. That's ShadyRays.com, code RAMSY. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today here on the air. Brenda is with us in Pensacola to do a debt-free scream. What's up, Brenda? Hey, guys. Thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm so excited.

Well, we're honored to have you. How much have you paid off? I paid off $46,000 in about 14, 15 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that 14 months? Started off with $48,000 and ended up at $60,000 with take-home. Good for you. What do you do for a living?

I'm an officer in the Marine Corps. I'm stationed here in Pensacola. Cool. Thank you for your service. So you didn't hardly make $46,000 during that time. How did you pull this off? Did you sell something or you had some money in savings or what? I had about $5,000 in savings that went towards the big chunk at the beginning,

and then just kind of did a couple goals along the way that made it go by a lot faster. A couple of goals. What do you mean? I don't understand. Like a couple of goals that I sent. You can't make $48,000 and pay off $46,000 or even $41,000. Yeah, that's true. So what ended up happening was um which I was going to talk about later but I have a house and I was able to um split the mortgage with two uh two roommates oh okay ended up being able to like not have to pay a lot for housing gotcha okay so your income

ends up being more than the 48 or the 60 or the $60,000 because you got the roommate income. Now my math's working. Okay, cool. What kind of debt was the $46,000? About three was on my car that I had, eight on a credit card, 14 in student loans, and 22 in personal loans. Okay, wow. Cool. So what happened 14 months ago that lit you on fire to do all this? So for the past couple of years, actually, I've been like trying to figure out a way to get out of debt, but I didn't really figure it out until I thought it would be smart to buy a house. And I did. And within a week, my cousin Rihanna sent me a link to your podcast. And the very, very first call I heard was this woman asking if she should back out of a deal that she had made to buy a house. But she would lose that check, you know, the promise check with it.

And you had told her, like, you know, you're like morally obligated to keep your promise. But if you back out, you're going to lose that money. And I just stared at the podcast and I was like, oh my gosh, this is me. What have I done? Like, I should not have bought a house. So anyways, I just completely was so obsessed with listening to your podcast and my roommates are so sick of it um and yeah so I just I went all in um after I like moved into my house and put up um a plan up on my fridge and I was like okay I'm gonna get out of debt and I missed my goal by like a couple months but I did great I'm proud you did a wonderful job how's it feel now that you're free? Was it worth it? It's so weird. It's definitely worth it. But yeah, it is really weird being able to keep the entire paycheck that I get and being able to invest now too is really awesome. Very cool. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is?

The key, I would say to just like have a plan and submit to your book, The Total Money Makeover. There's really like, if you have a bad attitude towards following like certain guidelines that you put out, like you're, you know, you're going to still stay in the mess that you created. So just having like a positive mental attitude, like, you know, stopping things for now is just temporary and just staying on track is super, super important. Like, yeah. And definitely having an accountability partner is really, really important as well. Yeah. Cool. Way to go. Congratulations. Very, very, very well done. What was the hardest part of this whole thing for you I guess the hardest part was for me I was so excited that I was seeing so much progress

that I really wanted to like share my journey especially with my family um I guess um I was a teenager during the 2007-2008 like housing market crash so and I had a lot of little siblings in the house so I really just like the hardest part for me was like just trying to like egg on my family like you got to do this you got to do this you got to do this and um you know just letting them make their own decisions and you know me just being like come on like you know egging them on and being excited but I don't know I just really wanted to be an inspiration to my family and my friends and um just like not being able to be you know make them do it has probably been like the hardest part for me oh okay yeah yeah because i don't want to be like too overbearing you know but yeah it's it's hard to um when people you care about doesn't

don't necessarily share your enthusiasm for something like this yeah that's tough yeah for sure well congratulations brenda it's incredible brenda awesome thank you you did it you did it you did it we've got a copy of chris hogan's book for you you're a hero and the book is everyday millionaires that is the next chapter in your story you are well on your way you can accomplish this you can do anything with money. Very, very well done. Brenda in Pensacola, $46,000 paid off in 14 months, making $48,000 to $60,000. Count it down. Let's hear a

debt-free scream. Three, two, one, I got three! Yeah! Yeah! Woo-hoo! This is how it's done. I love it. I love it.

I love it. Josh from Facebook says, I'm 31 years old. I'm looking to purchase term life insurance. I understand you recommend getting 10 to 12 times my income in coverage would it make sense to get two policies a 15 to 20 year term and a 25 to 30 year term you can Josh I mean talk with Xander insurance and get the prices you know at 31 years old it just doesn't cost that much it's not that big a deal here's the reality most people during the 15 years do not become uninsurable. And the only reason to take out a 30 rather than a 15 is if you think you're going to need insurance for 30 years

and you are afraid you're going to lose your health and not be able to get more insurance. My personal journey was this. I bought my first term insurance policy in my 20s. Long before it expired, I bought more policies to add to it because my income had gone up. By the time 15 years had lapsed, term life insurance had gotten cheaper so much cheaper that the 15 year old older dave bought the same amount of insurance for less money than the kid did back in his 20s even though i was older because the prices had come down that much and i hadn't lost my health and so the reality is you're generally going to add policies and take policies away

as you go along through the scope of your life for different reasons basically as your children age out meaning they get closer to leaving home they are less of a liability in other words it doesn't take as much to take care of a 17 year old as it does a 17 month old if you were to pass away and as you are moving along that same timeline you're getting out of debt becoming debt free house and everything because we tell you never to take out more than a 15 year mortgage which runs parallel to this and on top of that during that period of time you're starting to do your baby step four, investing 15% of your income into retirement. Your income is going up, so that 15% is going up.

And so you look up, if you buy a policy when you're 30, you look up when you're 45, and the kids are grown and gone, or they're almost gone. The house is paid off, and you got $700,000 in mutual funds. You may not need any more insurance or if you did if you haven't lost your health you could buy another 10-year policy or something to patch you through if you wanted to but a 15 if you got a young family a 20-year level i don't recommend the 30s for that reason but if you want to spend the extra money because you're super concerned about becoming uninsurable at some point during the journey, then you can buy the 30-year. But I don't. I go to Zander Insurance.

I get a 15-year. I get a 10-year. My case, I'm 60. I get a 5-year. You know what I mean? If I need to cover something that I'm doing for some reason or another. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. our scripture of the day philippians 2 4 let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also the interests of others. Tom Peter said, management is about arranging and telling.

Leadership is about nurturing and enhancing. That's good. That is good. Yeah. We always say leaders pull, bosses push. Hmm. Zach is with us. Zach is in Fargo, North Dakota.

Hey, Zach, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. How can Dr. John and I help? Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Looking for advice on whether I should keep my own company or take a corporate job. Currently making $48,000, no benefits. And a non-corporate job offer would be $75,000 no benefits, and on corporate job offer it would be $75,000 with benefits. That's kind of the basics of it.

Okay. Well, you would take the corporate job unless you think you can grow your company to make more. Yeah, I guess the business side of me says I want to try to keep working on growing the company. The father and the husband side of me says take the corporate job. I'm going to be able to spend more time with my kids, and they're young right now, and that's important to them. And also to be able to give more time to my wife is also important. It's kind of torn between two sides of my personality, I guess. Well, it all depends on the timeline.

If it's going to take you 15 years of 80-hour weeks to move from 38 to 80 at your business, you should take the corporate job. You should do that financially. You should do that for your mental health. It's the smart thing to do, all those kinds of things. If you could spend two years and grow your business to a hundred thousand dollar income instead of taking the corporate job and then have the benefit of owning your own place and making your own decisions about when you work and when you don't um then you would stay where you are and build your company so i don't know how fast you can build your company. How long have you been at this? I've been at it since 2013.

So seven years to $38,000? Well, I took my first income in 2016. Why is it growing so slowly? I think I struggle with putting the amount of marketing time I need to put into it. I realize that I need to put my name in front of a prospect about 20 to 30 times in order to actually get that prospect to bite. But once they bite, I almost always keep them as a client. Initially, it's anywhere from 20 to 80,000 a year from that client, and then after that it's about $2,000 to $10,000 a year. What do you do?

It's control panel manufacturing on the automation end, like conveyor systems. So you've got an engineering background maybe. Yeah, electrical engineering. So I hear something in your voice, man, that the way you described this corporate job versus the two responsibilities, sounds like you've made your mind up. Are you calling just for a high five? Or are you really perplexed? I still feel like I'm perplexed on what to do. I've got family saying, take the job.

Why wouldn't you take the job? I mean, you're almost doubling your salary. And I'm not the type of person that has ever taken anything for money other than the fact that I have family involved. So it's kind of just trying to make my own decision but try to seek out as many opinions as i can and i've been in contact with the guy that would be my boss for like two months now and the reason i haven't there's actually not a position now because the corporate level has actually pulled a position for some reason but he said they will be putting position

back up and as soon as they do that um yeah i will be um kind of at the top of the list in the running so if you get the job i would take it sure yeah in your case okay to answer your question um and by the way nothing is forever and so in five years you might start your business back up again or in 10 years. Right. You know, there's nothing to say that it has to go away forever. You've learned some things in the last, since you opened this business up until now, that those learnings aren't gone.

They're not lost. But my encouragement would be when you open it back up that you do what it takes to grow it and that you pay the price, the marketing price, and it's against your nature to get in front of all those customers. You like working on the widgets. You don't like dealing with the people. I can tell that from talking to you. There's nothing evil about that.

I like working with the people. I don't like working on the widgets, so I've got to find somebody to help me with the widgets. You may have to find somebody to help you with the marketing in order to grow this thing because you need to grow it faster than you have grown it if you're going to run it ever but i i would take this job and say five years ten years and then we'll revisit and decide what i'm going to do nothing says you have to stay there 40 years it's not a law and you're not signing a 40-year contract with them and they're certainly not signing one with you they'll fire you when they get ready to too so i i think you're right john i think he's decided to take it it sounded that way

and he sounds relieved that's what it sounded like right it's going to double my income give me time to spend with my family you offered a lot of things that seem to sue your heart a little bit struggle in the dog fight and the scratching and the clawing around the business has gotten old yeah and for 38 grand i think it would get old. Absolutely. And there's no hard feelings if you realize, you know what, I love this thing. I've got this great skill. But running a business takes other skills.

That I don't want to do. I don't want to do it. And that's okay. You didn't fail. You learned something about yourself. And then you go take this job that happens to be double your income with a boss who's going to stick with you for a couple of months while you're wishing and washing around, man. It could be a good thing you learn about yourself. And like Dave says, you circle back in four or five years. Maybe you take an online marketing class for free at one of these free universities and you figure it out. It's something you like or you don't,

man. It's easy. Good for you. Good for you. Tori's in Pensacola. Hi, Tori. Your question for Dr. John and me. Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. I guess it's just kind of more of a simple question. So basically, long story short, when I was growing up, my mother wanted to make sure that I knew the budget, and her method of teaching me the budget was slapping me back the head,

yelling, screaming, and then when I didn't do it the way she wanted to do it because had my needs and i mean i was a high school college student at the time she'd blame my computer and take it away and just years later that's translated to me kind of drawing back and just not wanting to do a budget like i work with my boyfriend so let me get this straight every time you heard the word budget you got smacked and you don't like budget so i don't blame you. No way. It's like Pavlov's dogs, right? Tori, you are absolutely normal. You're a normal human being. I would hate budgets, too. If every time I said budget, I got hit.

I don't want to play. Nobody wants to do a budget. I will never touch YNAB ever again because of it. YNAB gives me the creeps. Reminds me of my toxic mother. My abusive mother. Okay, let's reframe this, all right? Forget mom.

Well, don't forget her, but forget all that stuff. And let's just say, okay, why would tori want to plan out and make her life behave because i want to make sure that my goals are set and that my emergency fund is going and that everything so let's call it a spending plan don't call it a budget that way you don't have to flinch and hey to hey, Tori, here's the thing. I don't know. Call it the EveryDollar app. Don't even use the word budget because budget makes your skin crawl.

The word does. And, Tori, I want you to do this. And this may be not fair. This may be giving your mom way too much benefit of the doubt. That tends to be my wiring sometimes i want you to just adjust your default setting that your mom was so passionate about you learning these things that she only used the only tool she had in her bag of of of her toolbox which was a hammer that's all she had and so she didn't do it well she hurt you doing it but the intention was she wanted her baby to know how to work money.

And how to do a plan. Because she cared about you. She wanted you to do a plan. But aside from mom, I mean, John's trying to get you to be in a position to forgive her and move on. But aside from that, just call it a spending plan. Just say, I've got to plan out my money. Because my money will leave and go to somebody else if I don't plan it out. And if you don't use it smart, your mom's going to continue to infect your decisions for the rest of your life.

And those smacks on the back of the head are going to continue to smack you upside the head with every bad decision you make moving forward. They just won't be mom smacking you. It's you hitting yourself now. You're smacking yourself now. That puts us out of the day. Ramsey Show and the Bucks will be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

This is James Childs, producer of the Dave Ramsey Show. Once again, you made the Dave Ramsey Show one of the top four most popular podcasts last year. To get your daily dose of motivation and inspiration from the Ramsey Network, subscribe or follow today wherever you listen to podcasts.