The Ramsey Show - App - My Former Employer Wants to Rehire Me (Hour 2)

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your work and your money. I'm Dr. John Deloney, joined by Ramsey personality, best-selling author, host of The Ken Coleman Show, Mr. Ken Coleman himself, the best-faced in radio. Wow. And we are here to take your calls about your work and your life, your money, all of it. So give us a call at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Ken Coleman, how are we doing?

Well, I'm good. But I have to use false advertising. This handsome, best are we doing? Well, I'm good, but I have to, it's false advertising. This handsome, best-faced stuff. I really have a face for radio, and I think that's... It's the best one there is, man. Oh, okay, all right, all right. I don't know, I don't know. But we're having fun today.

You and I, it's fun for us to come together and kind of come at this work and relationship and money thing. Come at this money thing from, what's the relational component? Come at this money thing from what's the relational component? Come at this money thing from what's the work situation? I like to tell folks that I'm focused on that big shovel that Dave Ramsey has been talking about to get you through those baby steps because if you're doing work that's in your sweet spot, which is using what you do best, your talent, to do work you love, that's passion, to produce results that matter deeply to you, that's mission.

Guess what? You're going to make plenty of money. Plenty of money. You see, it's not always how much you make, as Chris Hogan's very storied, incomparable study of over 10,000 net worth millionaires, which was the source of his wildly successful book, Everyday Millionaire. The third largest group of everyday millionaires, John, were teachers. And the median salary of teachers in the United States as of 2020 is $60,000, about $60,000 a year.

So what's going on? Are they making a ton of money? No. Are they making enough money? Yes. Enough has two applications here, and thus proves my point. Enough in that they live on less than they make. Ta-da!

They're using the baby steps, and so they put it away. Enough in that they're happy being a teacher. They're not pursuing a big-time corporate six-figure job because that's not what makes their heart sing. They find purpose and meaning in instructing kids. They're in their sweet spot. They're making enough money. So there's my two cents on work and money and the relation there. So we want to help you out today. We'll take your questions, relationship questions, work questions, purpose questions. Are you stuck in your job? We threw this out. How about you spouses out there who have a husband or a wife who's absolutely miserable in their work,

and you're going, I can see it's killing them, and it's eating away at them, and even our relationship. And I don't know what to do. We'll take that one on together. We'll tag team that one and so much more. So give us a call. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Lauren in Chicago, Illinois. Lauren, how are we doing?

Great. How are you guys? Outstanding. Very well. How can we help? So for most of my career, I've worked in mass media in a niche kind of department. And my last job that I was in, I had a really bad manager. And back in February, I left that job and started at a completely brand new industry really close to my home. And a very, very small company, only 11 people.

And this company has really become to feel like family. Well, my old employers come calling to they want me back. It'd be working for an entirely different market, entirely different management team. It would include a bump in significant bump in pay, added vacation, added benefits, that type of thing. I just don't know how to evaluate, should I stay or should I go? I love these should I stay or should I go questions. I want to know why you have doubt. And don't be ashamed of this. I'm actually digging here because there's a very, I think probably major factor going on, some kind of doubt, like this is too good to be true.

You're telling me you want me back, more pay, more benefits, more vacation, come on. Is there a catch? What is causing that? I know with my old employer, like pay increases are just, they just don't happen very often. So it's going to be like what I get now might stick around for a couple of years. And I've also like with the tight knit group that we have here at my new employer, it's, you know, we're like a family and it's an entirely, you know, it's an entirely different business, and I'm learning something new every day.

I've become an office manager. I'm learning how to do payroll and accounting and calling UPS and that type of thing. I know what's going on, John. This is what I like to call, Lauren, a classic wrestling match between the head and the heart. The head is saying one option, and the heart is saying another option. Am I right, Lauren? Definitely. Can I take a guess as to which one is saying what? I don't mind you telling me.

I don't mind being wrong on the third largest radio show in the world. I think your head is telling you, you've got to take this raise. They're calling you back. They think you're valuable. You don't have to work for the jerk you worked for before. And on top of that, they're going to give you more money, more vacation, and more benefits.

I think your head's saying that, but I think your heart's going, no, no, no. Why would you do that? You know it's fool's gold? That's probably a one-time raise, and you might be miserable, but the bigger issue is we like it here for all the reasons you just listed. Am I right, Lauren,

or am I wrong? You are completely right. So what do I tell people? You ever listen to the Ken Coleman show? I have. What do I tell people? What do I tell people when they're wrestling with their head and their heart? I'm assuming go with the heart. Follow your heart. Follow your heart. You know it. You knew it before you called us. I think you're looking for permission to follow your heart. And if that's what you're looking for, I'm saying

yes, because here's the deal. You probably have a ladder with this small family-owned company. You're not capped out. Am I right? You are definitely right. And I do know that right now, obviously, business isn't great, but I know it's going to get better. And I know these guys are just going to help me grow professionally and personally. Say no to the good and say yes to the best. It's not about the shiny ladder. It's about the right ladder. And I think you're on the right ladder. So I want you to stay and do not feel one iota of guilt because your heart was already telling you that before you even called. So so you got a really

good heart you're a good lady uh i i think this is a really good call john for other people to hear because it it does something to us that it should do when somebody calls and says we want you back oh it happens with very valid your old boyfriend it happens with right sure when your grad school calls you and says hey have you ever thought about another degree? Because they want another degree sold, right? Right. It just feels so, so good to be wanted. Yeah.

How about this? It makes you pause and think, yeah. Here's something else. Let's talk about the psychology of this. I've never been able to talk to you about this. How in the world do I say no to a raise like this? It's a significant bump. Am I an idiot if I turn that down?

That's a big part of that call. It is. Can I tell you? I think it's one of the greatest pathologies of our time. Oh, wow. Now we're getting somewhere. Somebody better write this down. We have distilled human success in the Western world with one question. You filter it all.

The vacations you go and don't go on. The degrees you got and didn't get. The jobs you took, didn't get. The things you bought. The cars you didn't drive. And it comes down to one question. And here's what it is. What are you worth?

Yep. What are you worth? And the thing is, is you are priceless. So you can't put a salary attached to your worth. The answer to the question, what are you worth, is never a number. Yeah, that's right. Go with your heart. Amen. So we your heart. Amen.

So, we're just getting started. They tried to woo you with money. Little did they know you can't be wooed. You love where you're at. Good for you, Lorne. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. This year has been unpredictable. Well, that's an understatement. But make this Christmas and New Year's your time to save money

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in the $10 sale so your teens can learn to go through college without student loans. Shop our famous Christmas $10 sale before it ends at our online store at DaveRamsey.com or call Ramsey Concierge Team at 888-22-PEACE. 888-227-3223. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by the host of the Ken Coleman Show, Mr. Ken Coleman himself. We are taking your calls about life and relationships, your work. Taking calls about what to do next, how are you going to survive.

You know what? You're going to survive? You know what? You're going to survive. How to navigate the holiday season, the complexities, the new jobs, the old jobs, all of it. You know, I saw you and I ran into each other before the show back here in the facilities and I was whistling, it's the most wonderful time of the year. I don't know if you picked up on that. I did not. But it occurs to me when you say that, and that's the kind of stuff you talk about on the Dr. John Deloney show as well, which is a great podcast. It's on YouTube as well. But it occurs to me it's not the most wonderful time of the year for a lot of people.

Yeah, it hurts. It's a rough time for millions of people. I mean, you think about it. They hear that song and they go, really? Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's not. It's a time when I've got to get together with in-laws that really make my life difficult or I'm faced with the fact that I don't make the money to buy my kids the gifts that they wanted or I lost my job this year and I'm still not fully employed.

Or I lost a loved one and this is my first Christmas without them. That's exactly right. Yeah. Or this is my fourth Christmas alone. Right? So whatever you're going through, give us a shout. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225.

Let's go to Austin in Springfield, Illinois. Austin, how are we doing? Good. Merry Christmas to you guys. Merry Christmas, sir. So I'm 33. Me and my wife, we have two real boys. And we're getting to the point where we're talking about setting up a will and trust.

And I'm just hoping to get some advice or input or perspective on how to do things properly when you're thinking about how Dave says, if your children aren't fit to manage God's money properly and responsibly, then they aren't getting any. Now, my kids are young, and so I haven't long tried to hopefully train them on that. But if for some reason they are not mature enough to handle the money properly, what I'm very curious about is how do I set it up to where I present them with the opportunity to increase? Hey, Austin. Austin. Austin. Yes. Austin, I'm sorry to interrupt you, brother,

but you are extremely muffled and distorted. Let's see if we can get you to change that phone angle right up on your mouth and see if that sounds better. You bet. Is that better? Just a little bit. Slightly. Let's try it again, but we're going to be able to help you out.

I think we got the gist of it. Am I hearing that you want to say, hey, how do i set that will up that if my kids turn into deranged maniacs and aren't worthy of the money i would protect it is that what the gist of the question is well that was that was part of it but more so that i want to protect the money from if they're not ready to handle it but more importantly i want to protect the money from if they're not ready to handle it. But more importantly, I want to leave the opening that if they do mature down the road, that that money is still available for them. Because I think if I got money and when I was in my 20s, I would have bought a stupid buffet, you know, and ate all of it. Right, right, right. Okay, well, here's some good news.

We can help you with that. One of the things I want you to do, I'm going to address the will and also setting up a trust for that money that has all of those protections in it. First, I want you to go to DaveRamsey.com, and you want to look in your area. You want to look at our SmartVestor Pros. These are investment pros that are part of our extremely effective program called SmartVestor Pros. We vet them. There should be multiple in your area.

I want you to at least talk to three or four, interview them, make sure that there's a good connection and that you feel that they are going to serve you very well. And then you meet with them and you walk them through your strategy and your questions. They will be able to help you set up that trust and that it's very viable and it is very protected and you can essentially lay out these are the ground rules. Now, as it relates to a will, we've got a great, great opportunity for you.

And Madison, let's make sure we get him our guide. We've got a guide on how to set up a will to protect your family. And actually, for the rest of you, I want to give you the rest. The rest of you can get it for free as well. If you text the word will to 33789, that's will. Text that word to 33789. We've got a guide that's called the Free Will Preparation Checklist. And this is going to walk you through seven important areas like the guardians, beneficiaries,

plus all of the little things that you won't even think of. And here's the deal. It'll help you set it up easily. You can rest your head on the pillow easily. Austin, we're going to make sure you get that. But for the rest of you, why wouldn't you do this? It only takes about 10 to 15 minutes to do something that you'll never regret. Text the word will to 33789. So directly to answer your question, when you are creating your will, you can set up a trust and the trust can have different release points for different ages to the beneficiaries of this trust.

Somebody like Dave has talked openly about he does not want his fortune to be used for some grandkids drug problem or to liquidate and go invest in some company that he would find morally reprehensible. So he's got some levers built into his trust that say, if this money is being used for X, Y, and Z, if the beneficiary of this will is not living up to A, B, and C, they get cut off. The money ends. He's not going to continue to fund things with his fortune after he's dead.

And so you get to decide those things. You get to decide those levers, if you will, what the money is going to be used for. You can direct it for education. You can direct it to be released, some of it at 21 and some of it at 25 and some of it up to 35. You can designate those things. It's a matter of you deciding what you want your money to be used in the future and how that money is going to honor the legacy that you're trying to leave and create for your kids. What I will tell you is 20 years from now, the world will look very,

very different. And so it is important to set up some ideas on where you want your money to go, how it's going to be paid out. It's also important to get people who would receive your children and make sure they're people of character and people that you trust and do the heavy investing on the front end model what a person of character looks like to your kids model what a healthy marriage looks like for your kids model what work and being at home and being present and being off electronics model all that stuff for your kids and a lot of these things will take care of themselves and so you don't want to solve stuff for your kids, and a lot of these things will take care of themselves. And so you don't want to solve your character or virtue issues via a future paperwork issue. You want to do the hard, heavy lifting every day

with these two beautiful three-year-old little boys. But it's a great question. And Dave has talked about, Ken, being a steward of the money you give away, right? Don't spend more energy on accumulating it than you do on where is it actually going to go and how is it going to add value to the world. And any tension over this should not exist because laying out very clear guidelines, as you just said, is very easy to do.

We address that. You can do it and put all kinds of stipulations and guidelines and all this kind of stuff. But you don't have to worry if they don't like it. You're not here anyway. That's exactly right. So get over it. You brought it up, Ken. If you do not have a will, I will say this boldly, not having a will is a decision to

not love your wife and kids. Not having a will is a choice you are making to make people's life infinitely more complicated when you are dead. Spoiler alert, you're going to die. Next week is a day that my wife and I, it's just not going to take a long time. It's not a big theatrical

event in our house anymore. We're going to go through the will again. Make sure we're all on the same page. We've moved. Make sure we're all on where is this going to go and where is that going to go because I'm going to go through the will again. Make sure we're all on the same page. We've moved. Make sure we're all on, like, where is this going to go and where is that going to go? Because I'm going to die, and my wife is going to pass away. Is that fun to think about? No. Is it reality?

Yes. Have a will. Have a will. Even if you get one for Christmas for other people, have a will. All right, let's – I'm going to take one more call here ken let me ask you this the first time you and stacy sat down to have a will was that a hard conversation an easy conversation uncomfortable uh i think it was weird because we were maybe married six months um and we and stacy was working for dave so it was like boom we got to do this

so we sat down we were just so young and so we're like in our early 20s it's like this is weird there's nothing to leave first of all we didn't have anything to leave to anybody so it wasn't a long meeting so it was a little bit weird that's the truth but I think that first meeting

set us up to be able to have the meetings when it really really mattered so yeah that's what it was like. But it's still a good exercise. Every year, sit down with the person that you call your husband, that you call your wife. Go over the will. Make sure everybody's on the same page. If you don't have a will, crying out loud, go to mamabear.com. Get a will.

This is The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good friend and bestselling author, Ken Coleman, taking calls about your life, your work, your money, all of it. Give us a call at 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Yeah, it'll get tricky every once in a while. You can't get going too fast through those. I was looking at the giant audience we have out there. An audience of one from Houston. We're happy to see you.

Alright, let's go to Aaron in Pocatello, Idaho. Aaron, how are we doing? Doing good. How are you? Outstanding. Thank you so much for your call. How can we help? Well, I'm

a single mom um and i discovered and that day brandy i would say middle of last year and so i got my budget together got everything you know everything put together and then um i was getting frustrated so i went ahead and called a financial coach and he said i had an income problem. Ah, there you go. I was doing good outside of that, and that was kind of a smack in the face, because my whole family, we literally just, we work, we buy a house, and then we die. So it was just kind of a, whoops, what do I do? And in my current company, they don't require college degrees to move up in most positions, but it's kind of an opportunity-based thing. And it could be, you know, it could be

next year, it could be 12 years from now that the next opportunity comes open for me. And so I kind of did the evaluation and I was like, well, I'm good at accounting and numbers and all that other stuff. And I'm just a little nervous because I don't have a degree, and I'm just not sure if I should get one or if I should just wait it out. What do you want to do? Let's forget the degree. What would you do tomorrow if you knew you didn't have to ace the interview and I just gave you the job, and it was that extra money that you've been wanting? What would you do tomorrow if you knew you didn't have to ace the interview and i just gave you the job and it was that extra money that you've been wanting what would you do you know you started to say it you've been you hinted all around it don't worry about

impressing us what would you try i would i would try i mean i'd like to be a financial advisor okay you know so you want to help out. I've always been. Keep going. Yeah. So say that you've always been what? Good with money, I guess, sort of. So would you like to be a smart investor pro? You've been listening to Dave long enough to kind of know that those are our, those are the men and women around the country that have gone through a vetting program. They believe like Dave. They better be teaching what we teach, right, or you can fire them. But they're helping men and women invest and get their retirement set

and pay for college education and all the things. Is that what you would love to try? Probably. I mean, I don't know if I'm qualified. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't ask you if you were qualified right now. I'm saying, is that what you would love to try?

If you knew you couldn't fail, but you didn't have to commit to it for the rest of your life, but you went, this is a fun work adventure, that's what you would try? Probably. Yeah, not probably. That's what you would do. So here's some good news. I do. Yeah, see, now you're laughing.

So there's the yes. So here's some good news. You do not need a college degree for that. There is the financial certification, you know, the advisor, and there's a certification program that you got to go through. And that's what you have to do. And then you start making connections. And I'm going to give you a copy of my number one bestselling book, The Proximity Principle, which will teach you how to get around financial advisors, people in your area or in other areas that are doing what you want to do. When you tell them you're a big Dave Ramsey fan and that you called the show and you want to get where they are and you'd love to get their advice, I think they'd be more than

willing to talk to you on the phone. But getting qualified for you, it's not going to be a whole lot of time and it's not going to be a whole lot of money. There's a process, a certification process for you. You can look it up, make sure that everything you need in Idaho and look through that because I'm not fully aware of what other state regulations might be involved there. But that's all you've got to do. And once you've got that certification,

it's about using the proximity principle, the web of of connections people that you know and who they know and you get an opportunity and you get a good company to buy into you and say hey we believe in you and we want to help you we're going to train you because you're qualified and you're off and running so if that's what you want then you just have to understand what the path looks like to get there. And I just told you what it looks like, and it's not so scary when you have that knowledge. And Erin, you called asking about your job. You're welcome to hang up at any moment, but can I offer you something else? Yes, please.

How old are you? I just turned 30 yesterday. Just turned 30. Congratulations. Happy birthday. And do you have little ones? I have one. How old? She is five.

She's five. Beautiful. And are you married? I am not. It's just me. Just you. Okay. So you are navigating the rough waters of life as a single mom.

Do you have family support in the area? They're about an hour away, but they're awesome. They've been really supportive of the debt-free thing that I've been doing. Very cool. So I want you to hear me, and I'm going to say it as directly and boldly as I can without getting loud, okay? Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, here you go.

Your voice matters. What you want to do is okay. And I want you to be, from this phone call forward, I want you to walk with your head held high, your shoulders back. You are a gangster ninja single mom navigating the wild world of Pocatello, Idaho. And what you want, you can do. The dreams you have, you can see them to fruition. And no more, I don't know.

No. I want to be a smart investor pro. I want to help people be not in situations that I found myself in. I want to help people build legacies, build dreams, and I'm going to own that. You know why? Because, Aaron, the words that come out of your mouth have value. The thoughts that are in your head and your heart have value, and I want you to own it starting now.

You got it? I got it. You promise? Now, Erin, Erin, one thing here. You don't have to leave your current job and interrupt your income to do what I told you. Do you understand that? Right. I guess that's not really an option.

Well, I know it's not. That's why I'm reminding you that this isn't as scary as it feels. I told you what the path looks like. There will be a qualification process. You can do that while you work and nail down that job and take care of that baby. And then there's going to come an opportunity where you're going to get hired and you'll leave that current job and walk right into this new future. So none of this requires you to do anything from a risky financial perspective. Do you understand? Yes. I know what I was looking for. And you're going to let your daughter

see you take this journey and you're going to change your family tree, not only financially, but you're going to raise a strong, also ninja, gangster woman because she got to watch her mom stand strong, also ninja, gangster woman, because she got to watch her mom stand tall, throw her shoulders back, put her head up, and begin to navigate the world of changing jobs midstream. Is this ninja gangster thing normal?

You say this a lot on the John DeLone Show. It just comes out sometimes. So this is a thing you call, is it just women? It's a broad application. When you're fired up, you are a ninja gangster warrior. I just want to. Here's the thing, Ken. So many of us walk through life with our shoulders hunched and our head down.

We just get in line, right? And it can be because of historical trauma. It can be because of stories people have put in our heads and our hearts. It can be because we've just failed. Let me tell you what it's for. Let me tell you. In her case, it's fear and doubt. And by the way, we all deal with fear and doubt.

Yeah, we do. Fear and doubt are the enemies of progress, folks. Listen to me. They're never going to go away, but you can't overcome them. But you've got to know what they look like. You've got to know what they're saying. And she's dealing with, oh, I don't want to, you know, ruin our financial future. I don't know if I've actually got what it takes to get qualified.

Will anybody hire me when I get qualified? All those are the voices of fear and doubt. And in those situations, you know, because fear can protect us from time to time. And most of the time, it's a big, nasty liar. So I like the ninja gangster punch fear and doubt right in the old Adam's apple. I like that. It's less about going to try that. It's less about going to war and more about just standing tall. Here's the thing.

If I tried to be a ninja gangster warrior, I'd pull a hamstring. It starts with yoga, Ken. It starts with yoga. Yeah. We are changing lives, America. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. show. Blinds.com find out for yourself why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering you get free samples free shipping and with the new promos they run every month you'll save even more use promo code ramsey to get the best deal and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Missy in Mississippi.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, and we have a 6-year-old son. We do not have a mortgage. We paid cash for our home. Our only debt is my Jeep payment. I've been a stay-at-home mom for my son's entire life. My husband makes $200,000 a year. That's the net. And says, if I want anything besides money for bills to find another job.

Oh, boy. Whoa. I put in the oh, boy. I want to build my own business. I'm working so hard and it is finally starting to profit. I don't get my hair or nails done or shop for clothes. And I don't ask him to pay for those things because he says it's not his responsibility to do so. Should I give up my dream and get a 9-to-5?

Is his money just his, or is it ours? Ken, I'm going to tell you something, Ken. So many questions here. Let me just say this part first. Do not give up your dream. You will regret that for the rest of your life. Now, I know you've got something to say. I was going to say, your marriage, you may consider giving that up, but not this dream.

Hey, whoa, wait a second. You've got to tell this guy that's not cool anymore, and we need to go see a marriage counselor, and he'll be paying for that. Or we will be paying for that. And you guys need to sit down with a really good marriage counselor and figure out what in the world is going on here. There's too much for us to infer in this email, but there are some real issues going on here. Yeah.

Ken, just as – But don't give up the dream. A way of life. I just don't get angry about a lot of stuff. I get angry about husbands, men who say things like, this is my money and that's your money. Yeah. And I make the money because you get to go out and have a job because somebody's at home taking care of your kid. And suddenly it's your money to spend how you want to.

And if she wants something, if they need something, they can go figure it out on their own. It's bull crap. It's ridiculous. Yeah. It's bull crap. It's ridiculous. Yeah, you've got to take a stand here, and the stand is, if you've controlled me for too long, it's not cool. I need money for this, this, and this. We're redoing the budget. If you don't want to do this, then we need to go to counseling.

If you refuse to go to counseling, then you're telling me you don't want an actual marriage. That's exactly what you're communicating. You want someone to take care of your kid and someone to run your house but you don't want a marriage yeah you want an employee and i'm never ever going to recommend or very very very rarely will i recommend somebody terminate their marriage ken i just don't do that i'm high on marriage i believe that almost every marriage can be salvaged but this marriage is, the issue here is not the dream job. The issue here is your marriage is on fire underneath you. And you're not safe.

Your kids aren't aligned. And your kids are absorbing all this, by the way. And so this is how cycles repeat themselves. When you get married, yours and mine become ours. Period. And if you are in a marriage where there's a your, a check, and a my check, and your expenses, and I pay for these, then your marriage is shallow. Your marriage is on real, real shaky ground.

Fix it. Come together. Missy, I'm sorry. I wish I had better news for you. I'm sorry I'm getting fired up here, but I'm not sorry at all. I cannot stand, Ken, husbands that do this. I can't stand it. Well, there's a lot going on there. A lot of pain there.

Go see a counselor. ASAP. Get your marriage lined up. Man, oh man. Alright. Let's go to Betty in Baton Rouge. I'm just going to not even respond to this anymore. We're going to go to Betty in Baton Rouge. How are we doing? We're doing great.

Merry Christmas, and I have a wonderful husband of 33 years. Hey, all right. Way to go. What's his name? I wouldn't, his name is Curtis. There you go. Hey, you know what, Betty? Thanks for bailing out my bad attitude here, so thank you so much.

How can we help well i my mom is about 82 years old 83 and she will not disclose any kind of financial information she is um she's divorced husband passed away so forth i have tried to get information out of her. Where do you want to be buried? Where are your financial information? What do we do with your house? And so forth. She will not tell me anything. Is there another sibling?

What do I do? There is. Uh-oh, there's a story there. Yeah, he's not really in the picture too much. Well, there is an only reason I ask that. Lots of drugs and alcohol. Okay, so the reason I kind of dug there is I'm just curious if your mother is sharing that information with anybody else. I don't think she is.

What did she say to you? You didn't give us the dialogue. Give me an idea of what she says when you ask her all these things. Does she say, leave me alone? Get out of here? Well, oh, basically, my dad and stepmother had siblings all together to discuss, and my father had a terminal illness, so it was like, this is what all together to discuss. And my father had a terminal illness. So it was like, this is what's going to happen.

And I, a few weeks later, called my mom and I said, wow, that was great what dad said. And now I know what to do. And where's your will? And she said, well, where's yours? And I thought, well, I'm'm married so my husband knows all about that kind of stuff and she got very defensive and shut down the conversation so betty this is a hard conversation that um i've had with folks for years and years and years and your mom is knocking on the door of the last decade of her life right the last five years the last 15 years um that feels very weird real to her and some people handle that realness by

becoming very intentional right getting a will getting all the kids together. Here's what we're going to do. Here's what I want y'all to do. And some see that finality and it sets off every alarm they have. And they revert to childhood wounds. They revert to be ugly about it, to immature behavior, to fear, to just punting it down the road, to I don't want to deal with it. And then sometimes people just get irrational about it. And not irrational irrational in a rude way but just they don't handle it well i just wonder john though and i want you and betty i'm going to ask this and let you and betty have some fun with this one how much of this is because it feels like there might have been a nasty divorce

and a lot of hurt feelings with between your dad and her and when you went in and went hey dad did this awesome thing where he told us about all the stuff and what's going to happen when he dies and uh you should tell us too you didn't say it that way but then she just went nope and shut you down how much of that is because she either doesn't have it and maybe she's not confronting it the way john's saying or how much of it is she's just mad at you because you glorified what he did. Well, no. They had actually a very good relationship. Okay. You know, and such a good relationship when I said, you know,

Dad and his wife brought this up and all this kind of stuff. She actually called him and said, you know what? I'm kind of upset at our daughter for bringing this up to me. So they had a very good relationship. It is what John's talking about. Okay, good. I was just curious. So at the end of the day, Betty, what I'm driving to is there's not a lot you can do about it other than get with your extraordinary husband, Curtis, and you guys plan the best

that you know how to deal with the inevitable. And if there happens to be a will, if there happens to be an estate, then you'll deal with that when it comes. You're going to be able to control the things on your end. But what I wouldn't do is rack your brain, rack your heart, poison the last few years of this relationship trying to get this information or being frustrated because you're not going to get it. If you have not done this, Betty, I would go so far as to call her up

or go in and see her and go, hey, listen, this obviously upsets you. I didn't mean to upset you, Mom. I was only trying to be a good daughter. I'm not going to get in your business. Just know I'm not going anywhere. I'm not digging. I didn't mean to do it. I apologize if it came across that way. I was just trying to

do it because it was fresh on my mind. I try to appease that. I want to honor your memory. I think that's the best you can do. It's hard and it's frustrating. We want to be able to have everything in a drawer. We want it to all be in may not respond well to them. Everything in a drawer,

we want it to all be in a file and we don't always get that. Yeah. This has been Ken Coleman, Dr. John Deloney on The Dave Ramsey Show. On your smart speaker, you can add our skill by saying, Alexa, open the Ramsey Network skill.

From there, you can listen to all our shows. Ask Dave money questions like, how do I invest my money? Or what is the debt snowball? Find out more at DaveRamseyNetwork.com.