The Ramsey Show - App - My Friend Gave Me a $20,000 Gift but I'm in Baby Step 2 (Hour 1)

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

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it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thanks for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Starting off this hour is Brianna in Austin. Welcome to the show. How can we help? Hi, Dave. First of all, you're my idol, my hero, and I love you dearly.

And I'm so excited to talk to you. You're very sweet. I'm about to let you down. How can I help? No, no, you will not. I love you dearly and I'm so excited to talk to you. You're very sweet. I'm about to let you down. How can I help? No, no, you will not. I know you won't. So my husband and I are in Baby Step 2. We've been on your program for a year. It's our year anniversary since we took your Financial Peace University at Celebration Church. Shout out pastors, Joe and Laura Champion, who are amazing. They're good friends. They're wonderful people. Yes, they are. So here's the thing.

So I just celebrated my birthday, and we went back home to California. And one of my closest friends from high school has become extremely wealthy. He works at Zoom and has built quite a wealthy empire through them. And my husband and I have been struggling to get pregnant for the last three years, and we saw a fertility doctor, and they basically said that at this point, doing IVF is our only shot. But we never did it because we're trying to pay off debt, and I'm not going to go into debt as much as I want a baby to do this. So I left it in God's hands, and my best friend gifted me $20,000 for my birthday to get IVF.

The stated gift was for IVF? Well, he wrote us a check. I know, but did he say the check is for your birthday or your check is for IVF and your birthday? It's to use, it's all of the above, to use towards IVF because they know, you know, that we couldn't afford it. So they wanted to bless us with that. Okay. So what's your question? My question is we're in baby step two. Um, and I just, I, I, part of me wants to put it towards our debt, but this is a huge blessing and our time is of a, of a,

of a concern with my situation. So I kind of just want your thoughts on using that towards IVF and continuing to pay off debt on the site. Okay, let's change the scenario and see how our critical thinking skills work on this. And I'll go with you because I'm trying to figure out a way to think through this okay let's say that uh this friend gave you a twenty thousand dollar paid for car okay and he said because i think you need a nice car and you were saying my car is a hoopty my car sucks and so he just gave you a car for this worth twenty thousand dollars um the person giving the gift gave you a car that's worth $20,000.

The person giving the gift said, this is what the gift is. They didn't say, now take the car, go home, and if you want to sell it and pay it on your debt, you can do that. They just said, no, I want to buy you a car. You probably wouldn't sell that car while you're in Baby Step 2. You'd probably just fight on through Baby Step 2, right? Absolutely. Because the giver of the gift said, this is the definition of the gift. That's what I'm basing that on.

Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. Now, if it was bizarre and they said, here's a $100,000 car, I would go, whoa, dude, I need to get out of debt. Would it be okay with you if we did something different? I would call timeout, right? Yes. But if they just, this is not a, how much debt have you got left in your baby step two? $38,000. What's your household income?

After taxes, we bring home about $85,000. And how much have you paid off so far? About $30,000. Way to go. I'm so proud of you. Yes, sir. How quick did you do $30,000? In a year.

I mean, it's been... Okay, so you've got a year. You've got 14 months left. Yep, exactly. And this is just an unfound blessing that just dropped from the sky. God, yes. God bless us. I think the giver of the gift told you what to do with the gift, and I think we have to honor that.

Okay. And I'm not doing that because of the emotion around this or because your clock's ticking or all of those things, because I figure, you know, 15 months is probably not going to decide whether you have a baby or not. Right. So your clock ticking is not, yeah, that probably doesn't cut it, because you're probably going to be about the same IVF results 15 months from now as you have today.

I'm not a medical doctor, but that's just kind of common sense, okay? Yeah. So, but I'm with you on wanting to have a baby. Babies are the best thing on the planet, most of the time. They're actually the best thing on the planet if they're grandkids because you can hand them back when they stink yeah there you go yeah i don't know how great grandkids are going to be i've been nicer to their parents okay but um yeah so yeah yeah i get yeah yeah i um do this and now i will challenge you just to do one thing, and that is to be very careful in the IVF world. Like anything else that is extremely important and noble, which the having of children would be those things,

there's extreme amounts of emotion around this and around adoption. Consequently, people get a wide variety of pricing in the adoption world and a wide variety of pricing in the IVF world. So you are now tasked with studying that world and the pricing structures and models from various places, not just one, and comparing them to give you the best possible outcome for the money that you have to spend. Okay. Because there are all kinds of deals that are not priced properly, and you're going to come out of it really poor and not have had the number of attempts that you possibly could have had. Okay.

I only know this because this has come up a lot in financial coaching over the years. And so I've seen this price for adoption and that price for adoption. And I'm going, you paid 50 grand and you paid 20. And both of you adopted a baby. Or you had unlimited attempts for $17,500. Or you got one attempt for $7,500. Exactly. And that's what's in your world that you're getting ready to find out if you get into this. I just observed it from the outside.

I know nothing about it at all except just looking at it. I think it's one of those things that people don't ask. They just go because it's so emotional. And I'm challenging you to ask, gather data, gather options, and make a wiser decision. Let's make this $20,000 do what it's supposed to do, God willing. And so I think it's incredible. It's interesting and a great discussion. I get the exact same question about adoption. You know, do I stop everything and do adoption? You know, well, you know, if somebody gives you the money specifically for that, yeah, you're not stopping anything.

You're just going to continue forward on it. But most of the time, we're going to go the other 14 months and be out of debt, save up and pay cash for the IVF or for the adoption. And in every case, it's probably the best thing you could ever spend money on in your entire life. I can't think of anything that gave you greater return on investment, high quality of life than babies for those that want babies. And it's a pretty fun stuff. So we'll be praying for you, Branna.

That's good. It's good times. This So we'll be praying for you, Branham. That's good. It's good times. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. You know, so many people have such a negative attitude about life insurance when it's actually one of the most caring and giving things that you can do. Still, 7 out of 10 families either have no life insurance or they don't have enough. I don't get it. Look around. People die at all ages.

I know it's sad, but that's reality. What's worse is when they leave their family unprotected, creating even more hardship. Yet somehow we find reasons not to get it done. It can't be the price. Term insurance is just plain cheap. Now, that's why I talk about Zander Insurance so much. Not because they're just an advertiser, but because they offer a crucial service that helps you and me. Call them at 800-356-4282 or check out their rates at zander.com.

Listen, in the end, you need to get past the unpleasant images and just make sure your family's protected. Be responsible and feel good about what you've accomplished. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. 800-356-4282. so i get an email last week from my buddy over at fox and friends steve ducey steve and i've been hanging out together plus or minus 15 20 years doing a little bit of tv stuff here and there up at fox and uh just a great, great guy. He said, we've got our new cookbook out. Would you have me on to talk about it? And I said, you dadgum right I will.

So joining me, Steve Doocy is on the line. Hey, man, how are you? I'm great. Thank you, Dave. How are you? I am better than I deserve, as always, brother, as always. I hear you. So congrats, man.

It's a beautiful picture of you on the front of the cover. I mean, you and your wife, everything is great here. This looks great. Well, you know, the idea of our new Happy in a Hurry cookbook is two years ago we did a happy cookbook based on food that, you know, from your childhood or from your life, that when somebody makes them, it just makes you happy when i when i was a kid my mom used to make this this pot roast with uh lipton onion soup and cream of mushroom soup and she'd cook it on the top of the stove all day and i would walk in the house as a little boy it'd be like i have no idea if there is anything better smelling on this planet

but for me and see my mouth day, that's what you did. You just did that. You did that. Yeah, I remember last time we were talking about this. So I was going to ask you why you're on the cookbook, but I know because the first one sold like crazy. It's a great seller, right? It did really well. And so when we were out, you know, after we talked to you about that cookbook two years ago, Kathy and I did a book tour,

and we went to these places, and we talked to you about that cookbook two years ago, Kathy and I did a book tour and we went to these places and we talked to all these people. They'd say, hey, could you sign this? Could you make it out to this person and that person and somebody else? And it's like, well, why aren't we making the book out to you? Why don't why aren't we writing your name? And they go, well, I don't actually cook. And I said, well, why are you buying a cookbook? They said, well, you know, they're funny stories.

And I don't have time to cook. So i'm going to give this book to somebody so we realized that my wife said we need to do a happy in a hurry cookbook so that's where this idea came from okay so these are quick recipes all of them well you know what they're quicker but you know uh for instance when you and rachel were on fox and friends uh a number of months ago where you made a pot roast that i love because folks uh it was this simple in a in a stock pot they put dave and rachel put a little uh grease down at the bottom seared a pot roast, flipped the other side over, and then poured in an entire bottle of red wine. And it's like that was really quick.

That's how Ramses roll, I'm just saying. What, under the influence? That's the way it works. This is a morning show, Dave. It's 5 o'clock somewhere. I know it. That recipe is so quick to make, and my wife and I actually have made that a couple of times since then.

And, you know, sometimes it takes a little – you might have to defrost something or you might have to cook something in a slow cooker, but it's faster than normal stuff. And that's, you know, because you've got more to life these days when you're on lockdown. You've got to walk around the neighborhood more and things like that. Absolutely. The Happy in a Hurry Cookbook, Steve and Kathy Ducey's second cookbook, also will be a New

York Times bestseller, I am sure. So in addition to recipes, I was flipping through this. This is like your family annual. I mean, you've got kiddo pictures and young Steve Doocy pictures in the White House with Reagan looking at you like, say what? And all these pictures are all through the thing. It's great. Well, you know, the idea behind what makes a recipe happy for you is like it's a happy memory.

So, you know, I remember on our honeymoon, Kathy and I were in Hawaii, and we were on the island of Molokai, which nobody ever goes to, but we were flying on miles, and it was cheap, and we went to a coconut farm. And so at that place, they had this amazing coconut cream pie. And ever since then, Kathy figured a way to make a coconut cream pie in about five minutes. Wow. And so that just keys us to the honeymoon. So we put in a picture from the honeymoon or when the kids are little and things they did.

You know, it's our story as a family. Things that made them happy. And you're right. It's kind of like a family album in addition to some beautiful pictures of food. Oh, yeah. It just makes you hungry. Yeah, they really do. I was flipping through it before we came on the air.

It's pretty incredible. So, yeah, it's interesting what smell and even sounds bring back, how it can take you back 25 years or 10 years or something so quickly, and certainly around the issues of food. Like you said, the smell of coconut always takes you to your honeymoon, right? Yeah. Well, you know, like I actually did some research into this. You know how when you smell something that you only smell every once in a while,

like the first time in the year when you smell fresh fresh cut grass you know you just cut the grass and it like it reminds me of when i was 10 years old and i was mowing lawns in the neighborhood or or things like that and research has been done where they realize that you can actually uh trigger memories with your nose because it's just a smell. I smell that. What does that remind me of? And then you'll go through it for a little while and then you'll realize, oh, wait a minute. That smells like grandma's yard because she had the she had the rhubarb plants and she that peach tree, and it always smelled like that.

And you look around, you're probably standing under a peach tree next to a rhubarb plant as well. It's just click, click, click, and you're right back there to happy times. Now, my wife is the cook at our house, and thank God. But I'm pretty good at basically following instructions and so I read in some of your stuff that sometimes people are intimidated by cookbooks. I don't think I'm intimidated, I think I'm lazy because a cookbook is pretty simple. If it says do these five things in this order, how can you screw that up? Well here's how Dave, you know when you're making

when you or your wife is making the pot roast with the entire bottle of red wine. It comes back to this. You decide, you know what, I think we can make this with an almost full bottle of red wine. And you have a glass of red wine. And then you just kind of lose track. Where am I on this page? And then you look at the ingredients and you figure i said salt so i'm going to put it in you put it in the wrong place that's not following instructions

no no no that's why they call it the happy hour it's like i messed that up but i don't care okay yeah this is what this is why people get intimidated. They don't follow the directions. Okay. So if you just follow the directions, it does work out, doesn't it? I mean, it passes that. For the most part. I mean, like I read you won a contest in your youth making cookies, and you just used the dadgum recipe off the side of the box, and you won the contest. Hey, Dave, it wasn't any contest.

I won a blue ribbon at the kansas state fair by simply using the recipe off the nestle toll house cooking uh morsels and it i still have that ribbon somewhere it's probably in the basement it's well it's proudly distributed i know right where it is wait a minute are you surveilling me again? So you completely followed the instructions and won the contest. See, that's my point. So these are recipes, though. I was looking through them. They're not really uber complicated.

You do not have to be a senior chef at the French Laundry to pull this off, right? I mean, regular people can do these things and have a great visual and sensory experience, right? You don't have to be as good as a chef at the French Laundry. If you can simply do your own laundry, you'll be able to make it that fast. And that's good. Steve Doocy, Kathy Doocy, their new cookbook is The Happy in a Hurry Cookbook, Quick and Easy Recipes, New York Times bestselling author of The Happy in a Hurry Cookbook, quick and easy recipes. New York Times bestselling author of the Happy Cookbook.

And 100 plus fast and easy new recipes that taste like home, smell like home, remind you of home, remind you of this. And in some cases you use these, you will be starting a memory, right Steve? That's exactly right. A lot of new families, when they first get started, they don't have a whole bunch of recipes in their repertory. And if you don't, this has got 100 ideas for you. Steve, thanks for hanging out with us, brother. We appreciate you. Appreciate your friendship and good luck with the new Happy in a Hurry cookbook. Steve and Kathy Ducey, anywhere great cookbooks are sold, like Amazon and so forth.

This is The Dave Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, Anthony O'Neill. Joining me as we take your questions at 888-825-5225. Ray is in Syracuse, New York. Ray, your question for Anthony and me, and I, whatever it is. Hi, Dave. I'm recently retired, 65 years old, and I got a couple of so-called savings accounts, and I'm not sure if that's where I should have my money. I have $30,000 in the credit union. I have $25,000 that I accumulated from my small retirement that I didn't need when

I was working and it's in the bank but it's I think it's called like a two-year money market thing and it's not making much money nope and my question is it adds up to fifty five thousand dollars Is that where my money should be? And my second question is, I have an IRA account that is worth right now $96,000, which adds up to, I have $151,000. Right now I'm living in $2,000 a month Social Security small pension,

but I may make a move down the road into a HUD, H-U-D apartment. What do you think about what I have and where I may be going? Okay. Very cool. Well, Ray, we teach, and Anthony and I both live, that there are two things you can do with money in this regard. One is save it, which you've done a good job, and the other is invest it. So the portion that is saved is for things you need to do soon. For instance, you would need an emergency fund out of this money that equals three to six months of expenses.

I doubt that's $30,000. The $25,000 is not invested. It's parked in a bad savings account. Needs to be invested. The $96,000, you need to know what it's invested in and make sure it's invested in good things. And so I would say, what is three to six months of expenses for you? It sounds like it's probably six to 15,000, somewhere in there. So you could set 12,000 of that 30 aside, call that your emergency fund. If you need money for something else, set that aside.

Beyond that, I'm going to probably sit down with SmartVestor Pro with the balance of that 30, that 25, and even the 96 IRA, Anthony, and try to get them all invested in some good mutual funds. Absolutely, Dave. I was literally just about to say that. And so the six to 15,000 dollars that you were talking about, Dave, that's okay to part that in a money market account. Exactly.

You know, that's fine. But the other part, you definitely want to sit down with a smart investor pro and even ask them, what are some other ways I can invest with his Social Security he does have coming in that kind of helps speed up the process. Because of his age bracket, there are some back doors he can get around to invest a little bit more. Yeah, absolutely. There's a lot of things you can do there. Now, here's the thing.

Let's just say you had $150,000 and you made 2% on it. That would be $3,000. Yeah. Or if you made 10% on it, you'd be $3,000. Yeah. Or if you made 10% on it, you'd make $15,000. I'm going with $15,000. So this is probably a $1,000 a month swing, a $12,000 a month swing between saving it and investing it in good mutual funds. Now, here's the trick, Ray.

Just in talking to you, this is probably your first trip down this particular path so it's okay to go slow your job is not to do what i say or anthony says or what a smart investor pro says your job is to learn enough about the mutual funds that you get comfortable with it and you decide whether you want to invest your money in X, Y, or Z. If I woke up in your shoes, I'm 60, I'm right near you, I would and my personal mutual funds are invested across four types. My investments are that, growth, growth and income, aggressive growth and international, across long track records,

and minor in IRAs and 401Ks and other investments as well, just straight up mutual funds. So your job here is to kind of go to class, in a sense. And it's not that intimidating. These people are there to help you. They have the heart of a teacher. Click SmartVestor at DaveRamsey.com. It'll drop down a list of the SmartVestor pros in your area.

You choose which one you want to sit down with, with the heart of a teacher. You learn from them how this works, and then you make the decision on what you're going to do. But when the story's over, if you did it the way we said do it, that's what we would do. And that's what I personally have done, what Anthony has personally done as well. We pretty much have savings for near-term things. If we get ready to buy a car or a couch or Christmas, you have savings for emergency fund, and everything else is invested. Everything. Because I don't want to make 2% when I should be making 10 or 12.

Yes. Aubrey is with us in Phoenix. Hi, Aubrey. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thanks so much for taking my call. Sure. How can we help? I have a 19-year-old daughter that has had a lot of personality changes lately.

We help her a lot. She lives at home, and we supply a lot of her finances. She does have a job. We pay for her cell phone, medical expenses, food, car expenses, school, books, things like that. She pays for most of her auto insurance and gas. She has a boyfriend that she's had for like nine months. They're in love and infatuated with each other. She recently came home and said that she was going to go on a trip with him out of state and stay in a hotel together.

We said, absolutely not. That's not okay and not what we believe. And she has said, well, I'm an adult, and I get to make my own decisions, so we're going to go. Anthony told his dad that one time. You told your dadony told his dad that one time you told your dad that one time what happened when you told your dad that i didn't come back home you ended up living in your car living in my car yeah yeah it didn't go very well with us either i said if that is how it's gonna go there's to be some significant changes financially.

There's going to be an address change. Yeah. Well, I guess that's why I'm calling you, to gain your guidance of whether we're on the right track. So my thought was she needs to get a new cell phone plan, no longer piggybacking on us. She needs to find her own auto insurance. She needs to move out.

She needs to move out. Yeah. You don't stay under my roof unless you go by my rules. Yeah. And new cell phone plan, Aubrey. She's already making the money, so she's not going to really feel that pain. Okay, so she'll take over that. Right now, what I think, and I'm not a father,

so I'll let Dave speak into this more often, but one thing I do appreciate about my father is he made it very clear. You're going to respect the rules of this house. The moment you break those rules, you can go do you, but you're going to do you outside of my house.

That's not mean. Why do you have that that belief because you believe it's what's best for her it's not affecting you if she sleeps around right it's affecting her right and you love her and you're smart enough to know this is not a good plan yeah and so you're just saying darling this is not a good plan and we love you too much to endorse your stupidity and let me tell you this much doing that okay when she turns 29 when she turns 35 she's going to really appreciate you for staying true and helping her become wiser because at the age of 36 my father is my main guy because he kicked me out of the house because I didn't want to listen. That grew me up a lot quicker. Now, everything my father tells me,

well, I don't do 100% everything he tells me, but I sure do listen to his wisdom and his guidance because my father, I know he loves me and he wants the best for me. But if you keep letting her get away with these kinds of things, she's never going to grow and mature into the woman that she can be and by the way when she made uh this announcement she knew it wasn't going to go well yeah yeah it wasn't like you just sprung a new set of rules on her she was raised a certain way and she knew she was going perpendicular to that right right yeah so it's very very hard darling yeah very very hard to. So it's very, very hard, darling. Very, very hard to set boundaries. It's very, very hard to love people well.

It's much easier to be a wuss and just let people do whatever they want to themselves while you pay the bill. It's easier in the short term. In the long term, their lives get destroyed. And so I'm not going to go with it. I'm going to be the big girl, the big daddy, the big mommy, and say, sweetie, can't live here if you do that. You've got to move. You've got to pay all your own bills. Go be you. This is The Dave Ramsey personality is my number one bestselling author is my co-host today here

on the air hey before we jump back to the phones i want to go back to that caller um sweet mom is worried about her sweet daughter who's wanting to run around do things that the value system doesn't line up we get a lot of these questions and you do because you speak a lot on college campuses and a lot with moms and dads of teens and of uh you know young adults uh 20 something earlys, that kind of a thing. So you get this question a lot. I really do. I really do, Dave. And here's one thing I go back to.

I go back to the story, and you know the story, of when my father and my mother, I was a little kid, and I used to always touch the stove. I used to always touch the stove. And my mom would always protect me from touching the stove. Well, one day my father, he saw me from touching the stove well one day my father he saw me going towards the stove to touch it my mom was coming around the corner and he he told my mom no he has to touch the stove my father went and grab a thing of butter put the butter in his

hand and then he followed me right to the stove and as soon as i got real close and i felt the heat i screamed and he looked at me he put the butter on my hands and he said you see why we tell you not to touch the stove to this day dave i wear gloves every time i cook because i am scared you still don't touch the stove that's good i don't want to touch the stove but the thing is my father he knew the only way anthony was going to learn his lesson is if we allowed him to get real close to that heat. He didn't let me touch it, but I got close enough to where I felt the heat. And I think that parents sometimes, especially with this younger generation, they're scared to let them feel the heat. If they want to make the decision that's going to impact their future.

And when you're trying to tell them to do something otherwise that will protect their future you need to let them feel the heat a little bit yeah but the discussion comes down to this is not a bunch of rules right that mom and dad put in place just because we're cosmic kill joys the bottom line is is that we got one thing in mind here and that's you're you yeah and you're good and what's good for you if you are going to go against what we value and what our principles are, you cannot stay under this house because that is us actually participating in you harming yourself. Yes. Yes. And so if I give you a free place to stay while you're doing cocaine, I'm participating

in you harming yourself. I didn't buy the cocaine. I didn't say the cocaine was okay i said don't do it don't do it don't do it but you have a free place to live because i just i don't have the heart to throw my own son out oh man listen and so he's doing cocaine in your basement or won't work and get a job or is doing whatever other thing out there that's a misbehavior that's bringing harm to him right or her because you as the mom and dad won't say no and and that's the thing you don't have that's tough love no that's

just love no that's real love because if you don't have the heart to kick him out if he is doing cocaine for an example so are you saying you have the heart to let him kill himself yeah i mean exactly no no an enabler is always assisting people in harming themselves. So when you enable your daughter to do things that you don't believe are good for her, you are assisting in that. Yes. And if you're financially supporting her for one penny in any way while she's doing all of that, then you are paying for the behavior that's going to bring them harm. Yeah. And that's not real love.

It's not. But I got to tell you, man, it's a tough thing because when a 19-year-old bows up, they bow up. Oh, trust me. I know. I know. You end up homeless, sleeping in your car. How long did you sleep in your car? Six months.

Yeah. Six months. And I didn't go back home. And it was hard for my father and my mother because my mom didn't know I was homeless. Now my father knew, but my mom didn't know. She thought I was leaving with some friends, but my father knew the only way this boy is going to become a man is if I put him in that position. But my father knew that eventually I will come back home and he didn't allow me to come back home until I said, I'm sorry. And I'm ready to become a young man. And I became the man I am today because of what

my father did. Yeah. Because of that process. Yes. And I've seen you guys together for the time you've been here. You guys are tight. Yes. Very, very close. Uh, and so, you know, the story doesn't always end up that way. It doesn't. Sometimes it's a separation for life. Yeah. But 19-year-olds, I mean, not all of them, but a percentage of them, when they turn that thing on and bow up, you just have to go, as for me in my house, this is what we do. And it doesn't matter if you're 14, 12, 2, or 29. My roof, my rules. Right. This is not hard right this is not hard it's not hard that's not being mean it's not a dinosaur and i don't really care about that dave i don't listen to you for that i'm 19 and i'm

watching on youtube and you need to go back to talking about money no you just need to change freaking channel because i'm gonna talk about whatever i want to talk about it's my freaking show it's the dave ramsay little twerk and so that's how that works so i mean seriously it's the same thing so my house my rules yeah no you're right you know and so it's okay if you don't participate right i can't make you do stuff you're a legal adult yes but i can make you not be here right i can i can make myself love you so much that i'm not going and this is the conversation you have honey we love you so much that I'm not going. And this is the conversation you have. We love you so much that we can't go along with this. We love you too much.

So we're going to make a federal case out of this. And by the way, young man that's wanting to take her off somewhere, dad be having a discussion with him. See, the conversation wouldn't even got there because the father would have got to him first that can't be my daughter you're going where hold on a minute yeah go ahead and talk to mom i'm gonna go to the store real quick babe i got some i got some stuff to take care of here yeah yeah i don't you know my daughters are dad out when they were little kids you know dad all the boys in the youth group are scared of you i said that's good yep it's good keeps away two things you don't want jerks yes and wimps yes no listen if they're wimpy you don't want them and

if they're jerks and they got the wrong idea you don't want them so it keeps that away so i'm your natural filter you ought to just say thank you yes you know and so then you know and we used to say we got great sons-in-law i mean you know winston you know, and we used to say, we've got great sons-in-law. I mean, you know Winston, you know Bill. Yes. I used to say, I hit the son-in-law lottery, hit the daughter-in-law lottery. No, I didn't. I taught them how to pick. And I showed them what dumb looks like because I run off dumb a couple times.

Exactly. No, dumb, you know, don't pull up in the driveway and be honking a horn unless you're delivering a pizza, buddy. You know, that's not how this works. So this is my princess. You're about to come in here and have a discussion while i'm cleaning my gun oh man and so it changes the whole thing you know i mean you got to set some standards right you really we joke around about all this stuff but it's a the process is love and then all of this melts into the financial because it always comes

down to what am i paying for dave you know some of the millennials listen to you right now are thanking God that you don't have kids in this generation. They're thanking God I'm not their daddy. That's what they're thanking God of. But, yeah. I'm a dinosaur. I understand. I'm old school. But you know what?

There's more of me out there than people realize. No, for real. They're everywhere. All over America. But I have to say, I've been guilty of just pulling up on the outside. I didn't blow the horn, but I did text him. I did text him. Hey, man, I'm outside.

Hey, I'm outside. Don't be texting either. I'm just saying. Use your voice and your feet. Get up, walk in, meet the dad, man. Meet the parents. Oh, man, that would be scary, boy. That's good.

On a first date? He keeps you straight, man. Yeah, well, you need to get an Uber. You know there's people tied to all this. You need to get an Uber. Meet me at the house. Meet me over here, because I can't meet Daddy. It's family.

It's family. It's family standing behind that girl. I'm just saying, buddy. That's how that works. It changes everything. It really does. It changes how their lives turn out when they're 40. Yes, sir.

And it changes the thing it changes the process and none of us are perfect at it right and my daughters will tell you i embarrassed them and all this and i did yeah and i you know if i had to do over probably be a little more gentle yeah maybe now i'm kind of getting where i don't give a rip i probably wouldn't be gentle but um i asked my dad would he if he if we had to go back to that season would he still kick me out? He said, yes. The only difference is I would have barred you back in sooner. That's the only difference.

He said, I would have said, all right, you've been out here for two months, three months. Come on back. Six months, it got kind of rough between him and my mom when she did eventually find out. And so he was like, but no, you had to go. But I would have changed that a little bit just to bring you back in. You would have softness to it or mercy to it, but still had the action. But I was Otis. So it was like he didn't that we all were learning at the time, you know.

So I think my mistakes helped my younger brother when he was going through his rough seas. Living in a car is not a good idea. Well, this all comes back to, you know, this whole thing of boundaries, and boundaries are intersected with the whole money discussion over and over. Yes. So you don't have a right to your parents' money. Yeah. You don't have an entitlement to it.

That's true. You don't have an entitlement to their inheritance. It's their choice. Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today here on the air. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes.

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