The Ramsey Show - App - My Girlfriend Is Getting Pressured Into Buying a New Car (Hour 1)

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today here on the air as we take your questions. We're going to start with Joe in Hartford, Connecticut this hour. Hey, Joe, how are you?

Good, sir. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I got a little situation. I've been dating this girl for a long time, and I can definitely see marrying her shortly in the future. And her brother-in-law is kind of involved with a lot of her finances right now, and I've been pretty good at convincing her not to buy a brand-new car. And her dad is kind of out of the picture, so he kind of plays like the alpha male role.

And they have like a close-knit family, and he tends to take charge quite a bit. And he's been definitely pushing her to buy like a brand new Hyundai Palisade or something. And I've been trying to convince her to do otherwise. She's going to have a really good job this time next year, paying really well, and I've been trying to tell her to pay cash with something that she could afford and go from there. I'm not really sure what I should do in my position, you know, being the boyfriend and all. What do you want to do, Joe? I mean, because you said you're the boyfriend.

Why do you want to get involved? Let me ask you that question because I think you know the answer, but Why do you want to get involved? Let me ask you that question. Because I think you know the answer, but why do you want to get involved? Well, one, because I know she'd be in over her head with a brand new car. And two, I really, really care about her. And, you know, like I said, I could definitely see marrying her in the future. And, you know, I'm head over heels for it. I just don't want to see her make a bad financial mistake. But I don't want to overstep that. I could definitely see marrying her in the future, and I'm head over heels for it.

I just don't want to see her make a bad financial mistake, but I don't want to overstep that. So how long have you been dating? Quite some time, about a year now, and I've been friends with her for years. All right, so it's naturally progressing after a year towards marriage, and you don't really, you've got two problems with this. One is that her brother-in-law has too much influence over her, and two is she's about to make a stupid decision. Right. Yes, sir. Yeah, that's fair. Okay.

Yeah, that's fair. So how can you say those two things nice? That's the thing. I don't think you can. I think you can. I think you can. I mean, nicer than I just said said it but i'm not known for sugar coating stuff so but if you know i i think you know you're gonna have to help here because

you're the single guy right that's what i'm saying i don't think we can so you're just you're just gonna jettison the girl i'm just gonna tell the baby that's a stupid move that's not a wise decision don't do it okay well i here here i'm gonna try again okay there you go all right so it might sound like this um you know it looks like our you know we're progressing towards making this a very very serious relationship and i know this is you talking okay and i know from reading and from some of the financial things i've got input on that uh being in agreement on our finances is the number one cause of divorce and marital problems. And so if we're going to continue to progress, we're going to have to move towards being in agreement on our finances,

because not doing so sets us up for divorce if we wanted to get married. And so we have to, you and i have to deal with this and get on the same page uh because that's a deal breaker it's a deal breaker before marriage or after marriage one of the two but it's a deal breaker it's the number one cause of divorce so you know you really want to deal with the number one cause and so know, and in light of that, you going deeply in debt on this car is a problem. It's not wise. And I want you to be in a position to have a good life, not just have a good car, because I care about you. And the second thing is this, the number two thing that causes problems in marriages is extended family who can't stay in their lane. Interfering mother-in-laws, interfering father-in-laws, interfering brother-in-laws that can't stay in their lane.

And so we got two of the four issues that cause problems in marriage in play on this one subject. And so you and I, you know, I care about you. And so as a part of us going forward, I've got to talk this through with you in some kind of kind way. And you're going to have to hear me on this because it's a big deal. But now, Dave, let me ask you this question for Joe, because Joe said he's already told her no. So that's why I was saying for me, it seems like I'm framing it in. We have to solve this as part of a long term relationship, not just you're buying a stupid thing. I got you. I got you.

So the reason that you need to listen to this because you're not listening to this is going to cause serious problems in our relationship. Yes. Because we've got interfering in-laws with too much dominance, and we've got a bad decision on finances. Yeah. And those two things, because what this projects, Joe, for you is 10 years from now, this is worse, not better, if it doesn't truncate now. Yeah, that's what i'm worried about you'd have a field day with this guy i mean he's already in like over a million over his head with a brand new marina that's just the start yeah he gets into debt like it's his day job yeah well he's not he's not gonna make it and it's gonna be sad and you're gonna be sad for

him because you're hopefully gonna be married to his sister-in-law. And so you're going to get to witness the family going through financial destruction when he crashes, and he will because he's a reckless dube. And so, you know, but the bottom line is if you project negative things in a relationship into the marriage 10 years in, in other words, if you marry a princess and you think she's not going to be a princess 10 years in, you're an idiot. She's still going to be a princess. If you marry a guy, girls, that doesn't like to work much, he's lazy, don't expect him to suddenly get ambitious after there's a ring. That's dumb.

And so you can project these behaviors into your future relationship and that makes them if they're bad enough a deal breaker on the relationship i mean well you experienced this in your dating life you've told me stories about absolutely but i think that's why i'm still single because i took the old dave ramsey philosophy i just be like that's stupid that's crazy you know i just come straight forward but, but I totally agree with you. I think for me, at 36, I'm like, I'm done trying to, you know, be soft. You know, this is what I think, and this is what I... I mean, you can cut to the chase pretty quick. You don't have to go a year into it to figure this out.

Yes, sir. Like 26 minutes into the first date, you go, nope, nope, ding, ding. 26 minutes takes me 10 minutes, y'all. Oh, whoa. All right. All right. I don't want to know anymore. I don't want to know your techniques.

You don't need to tell them over the air. I mean, no. You may write a book on this someday. I mean, but if someone says, hey, I want to do finances or, you know, I want to purchase a car or I want to stick with the credit card 10 minutes into the game, well, I already know this is not going where I want it to go. Yeah. And if they're belligerent about it, predict it. Exactly. I mean, if they go, well, you

could probably talk me out of it. Okay, well, we'll keep talking then. Let's do that. But if they're like, and you're not going to change me. I don't know who you think. Oh, good. Okay, I won't. Check, please. Check, please. Anthony O'Neill, my co-host this hour. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I get the privilege every day to talk to smart, creative entrepreneurs doing great things for our economy. GRIP6 is no exception.

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with products sourced in the U.S. Give these products as gifts this season. To get the Dave Ramsey show. Kevin is up next. Kevin's in Salt Lake City. Hi, Kevin. How are you? Doing well. How are you guys doing? Better than I deserve. Kevin is up next. Kevin's in Salt Lake City. Hi, Kevin. How are you? Doing well. How are you guys doing?

Better than I deserve. What's up? Hey, so my wife and I are probably going to, well, so we're going to wrap up Baby Step 3 this month. And so that means we're going to start on Baby Step 3B. We are renting currently. And so we're looking to be in Baby Step 3 for quite a while. My question is, do I start investing during Baby Step 3? Like, can I start my 401k and my work again? I've been off that for about a year trying to get things stabilized with Baby Step 3, and so is now the time once we start Baby Step 3?

So you have the emergency fund almost done in Baby Step 3, right? Right. And when will that be done? By the end of this month. Okay. And then is when you're talking about this question, right? Correct. Okay.

All right. Well, people do it two different ways, and either way is okay with us. One way is that they do some investing while they're saving for their down payment on their home. Okay? Okay. And that obviously then slows down the amount you can put into the down payment fund. Agreed? Right.

Or sometimes they say, I'm going to hold off on Baby Step 4 investing until I get my down payment for my home built. And so they pause right in the middle of Baby Step 3B and pile up cash for the down payment, which obviously makes the down payment come a little bit faster, depending on how much you would have put in the investments. But either way is fine. We just don't want you saving for a house until you are debt-free and have your emergency fund, which is where you are. Yeah. Kevin, how old are you and your wife, man?

We are 29 years old. 29 years old. What's y'all's annual income, the household income a year? Yeah. My wife stays at home, and I earn $36,000 a year. Okay. $36,000. How much are you looking to save to put down on a home?

We're hoping to do 10% down. And so for us, that means about $30,000 just to, you know, give ourselves some wiggle room. There might be houses on the market for $300,000, but we could also go, you know, in that $200,000 range. So you're anticipating your income coming up dramatically? Yeah. No. You're not going to qualify for a $300,000 loan, dude, on 36 grand, right? Yeah, yeah, I agree.

I'm working to get that income up. I'm kind of working on side hustles, and I'm also working on moving up in my company. But, yeah, it'll be a while before I'm making what I want to be making for sure. You may buy a starter house cheaper than that before you buy that house you're talking about as an example. So that changes a lot of stuff. Yeah, it's all about the trajectory of your income because, you know, you're sitting there at about 40% of less than half or a little more than half of about 60% of the average household income in America right now. But you're just getting started in your career. There's no shame in that. Yeah.

And so you've got to, you know, you've got to build up that income, though, to be able to save the down payment to be able to qualify for a mortgage. And you may end up buying a $100,000, $150,000 house first. Or, Dave, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I would say in his situation, I would keep renting probably a little bit more, go ahead and start investing, get my income up, then start looking into buying a home. That might be. That might be a way to do it. At 29 years old, $36,000, get the thing up to around 50 55 go ahead and start saving a little bit towards a home but go ahead and start the investing now and then when you get to right around that income in the next maybe hopefully a

year or two years you can aggressively go after saving up for the house that's good it's a good point because there's three knobs to tune here yeah And which of those is the most important? Buying a house, investing, or getting your income up for him to be, when he's 49, a millionaire. Yes. Of those three, in his situation, it would be income. Yep. That's the most important one. Yes. And then buying the house and starting to invest would be somewhat tied.

Right. Because both of those things need to occur to hit the millionaire in 20 years. So, really, really good stuff, man. Hey, thanks for calling in. We appreciate you listening. Matt is in Washington, D.C. Hi, Matt. Welcome to the show. Hey, Dave and Anthony, thanks so much for taking my call. I really appreciate it. Sure, what's up? Hey, question. So, I don't know if I'm overthinking this or not, but I'm 25 years old, and I just moved to D.C. to be closer to my girlfriend and we broke up. And so I'm thinking about buying a motorcycle for about five grand.

I don't know if I can afford it or not. I make 120 grand a year. I've got about 150 grand cash just in the bank. I've got another 100 grand just sitting just sitting in $50,000 in single stocks, another $50,000 in my 401k. You're kidding. You've got all of that and you're calling us about a $5,000 purchase?

What's really going on? I said, what's really going on here? How much is the motorcycle? $5,000. Well, I also got $146,000 in debt. Oh. Well, write a check and pay all that off, and then we'll have a discussion about a motorcycle.

And then buy the bike? Yeah. I have two investment properties. I rent where I live, and I have a $24,000 on a car. But I don't know if I'm overthinking it or not, but I guess, you know, I don't know, but I guess you're saying maybe I am overthinking it. 1% of your life worries is a $5,000 motorcycle. 99% of your life worries is $146,000 in debt.

Yeah. Got it. Write a check and pay off the debt. Go buy the motorcycle. Are you buying a motorcycle because you're grieving over the girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I want something to do.

I mean, I thought my weekends would be with her, and now we're not together, so I just want to go out and make friends and just kind of have stuff to do, you know? You can make friends without a motorcycle, Ben. In the world? Why do you need a motorcycle to make friends? The only negative part about the motorcycle is, number one, the debt's in the way, and number two, it sounds like it might be some grief spending grieving over the relationship right and um not that it's because it's not going to kill you financially you can afford to buy the bike yeah you can afford to buy the bike and set

fire to it in the driveway and not worry about it wouldn't it's not gonna kill you financially but what you can't afford is to get into a situation where you react to bad feelings in your life by spending. Yes. You can't put that groove in your brain. That groove will destroy you long term. Yeah, it definitely will. Definitely will. And hear me clearly, man.

When you pay off this debt, I want you to go ahead and get your emergency fund back up because I got to give it to you to have that kind of money at this age. That's great. You're just doing a little bit backwards from what we teach. So go ahead and pause all your investments right now because I want you to go ahead and get out of the debt and then make sure you get your three to six months back up. I think he's got enough to do that.

He probably just needs to allocate it. It sounds like there's a couple hundred grand if I understood right. Well, it was $150,000 in his savings and $100,000 in investments. Yeah, so use some of both. Let's use all the savings yes you're hundred forty six thousand you're paid off that leaves four thousand dollars right okay pull some out of investments and make sure it's set aside as an emergency fund and buy the bike cool great and you get all three done then you've got your first three baby steps we call them in place matt

but just just search your own soul and look in the mirror and go dude is this just am i just grief spending here? Yeah. And that's not something you want to get into as a long-term thing, that every time I feel bad, I spend. Every time I feel bad, I eat. Those kinds of things. And you know what, Dave? This is why we teach.

Don't move until you are married. Don't make a life-changing move, because he said he moved to this place for his girlfriend. I mean, that's a different subject i mean we own the dave ramsey show so hey it's anthony o'neill show whatever it's all good with me it's all good with me so don't you're saying don't chase girls and boys around the country don't do it and not unless you and not unless you are married like why move to the city hardcore why move in with the person you are hardcore. Why move in with the person? You are hardcore. I mean, what, Dave? I didn't say move.

I'm not saying on that. But, yeah. But, I mean, chasing somebody, you know, moving to the city with the person versus... Moving in? No, I didn't say moving in. So, you... Into the city, not the house. Oh, yeah.

See, I still... If my daughter came home and said, I'm moving to another city so I can be closer to my boyfriend, I will have a problem with that. Yeah. I mean, it's not wrong. I'm just saying. You're up and rooting your whole life for the possibility of this thing to work out. I think I'd want some circumstances listed out around that before I would make that call.

Okay. If it sounded like immature and flighty and like she was being used up or manipulated. Yeah. Definitely. Okay. If it sounded like immature and flighty and like she was being used up or manipulated, definitely. But if she's a strong woman, make her own calls, that's a different issue. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage with a question is June from Omaha, Nebraska. Hi, June. How are you? Hey, Dave and Ayo. It's good to see you guys. Good to see you.

How can we help? So we want to thank your team. My husband and I have been debt-free for about a year and a half. Way to go. Awesome. So because we've listened to you so much, our daughters have sometimes been tortured

in the car for hours and hours just listening to the show. And we've talked a lot about business and they're very entrepreneurial minded. But sometimes as many teenagers can be, they have so many ideas rolling around that it's hard to kind of hone it in. So my husband and I would like to know

how we can guide them, but at the same time, not crush that spirit. Okay, that's really good. Give me an example of what you mean as far as in they have a lot of ideas. Give me like three examples they have. So sometimes they talk about they want to bake and sell their baking. One is very good at painting.

She would love to sell her paintings. They talk about maybe starting a dog walking business. So it's kind of all over the spectrum. So that's why some guidance would be great. As their mother, where do you see their strengths are? Because I think young people, we will come to the table with a lot of ideas. But as a mother and a father, you can guide us and say, you know what? Longevity, this is where you're strong at.

And we're just going to focus on this one thing. So one, you said is good at painting. Is that her strength right now? Then also we got to identify, can you even make money with painting at the age of 15 years old right now? Right. Obviously, there's one that's a good baker and who loves to paint, and her paintings are amazing. So I would say if I were to see somebody selling paintings for a younger person who was maybe

trying to earn some money to go to college or a car, I would definitely buy something like that. So I think I would love to encourage her in that. Now, the other daughter loves animals, and I would love to encourage her in possibly starting, hey, we'll do dog walking. But then there's always the questions, okay, do we have to have professional liability insurance? Like what's the ramifications on our end of it versus, you know, what she can handle as like a 14-year-old. Yeah. So the dog walking business is actually very, very common and very, very lucrative for a

young person. Actually, my most recent product we did about a couple of years ago, Dave, Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox Kit. One of our young kids in there was making about $45,000 just from watching dogs, walking dogs a year. So it's very, very lucrative. So I like that idea. i'm not privileged to the painting thing but i do know one thing people are always hungry and so baking um you know you can

honestly make some good money as a young person in that i don't know about the painting side so definitely go with your strengths but those two are good but i would definitely get our teen entrepreneur toolbox kit and as a matter of fact, I'll give you one. Oh, thank you. Because we're going to teach you everything you need to have in place for those two beautiful young girls out there for what you need to have to be a legit running business. And so there are not any insurance requirements for every state for walking dogs, but there are some. So you just have to go by the state that you're in. Okay. Yeah. And most of the time go by the state that you're in.

Okay. Yeah. And most of the time you don't worry about it. Yeah. Most of the time it's just, you know, I'm not going to make a big deal of this. The point of a teenager starting and running a business is not that that's probably going to be their life's work. The point is not that they're going to make a lot of money. The point is they're going to learn how to work.

They're going to learn how to be good to customers and smile and put up with a crazy person every so often. Those are called customers. And they're going to learn how to price something at more than they paid to make it. You don't want to lose 10 cents a watermelon and get a bigger truck. So you learn how to price it and make a margin and so it's all about the lessons yeah that they get it's not about that that's going to actually become their life's work or make them wealthy with the rare very very rare exception of some kid who you know goes on and starts making unbelievable crazy money doing something uh which happens one out of a thousand or one out of two thousand young entrepreneurs or

whatever i mean i have met the 17 year old that made 4.2 million dollars building an app for animal farm yes or something is that a thing yeah it is yeah he bought he built an app on like with cheat codes and stuff how to add stuff to the animal farm and had made like $4 million. But that's very, very unusual. His dad worked for him now. It's very unusual. But most of the time when my kids are working, it wasn't that I was trying to. I was just trying to teach them entrepreneurism.

Shake someone's hand, look them in the eye. Smile. Take care of the customer. Pricing model. Price it for enough that you make a margin. Here's what margin is. Here's what your gross revenues are, your net profits, cost of goods sold, and other things. Come out of the middle of that, and you start teaching basic accounting and some simple stuff. I mean, when I cut grass at 12 years old, it wasn't because I was going to own a landscape company.

But I had to take my gas from my lawnmower, my repairs on my dad's lawnmower because I was wearing his out. And, you know, the purchase of a new weed eater or something out of that. And then minus, you know, from all the income that I had created. And then that's my net profit. And it made me keep a profit and loss statement on my business at 12 years old. And so, oddly enough, I'm still doing that. So that part's good. So I think the lessons are what you're after, and one of the lessons you're talking about is focus.

Yeah, absolutely. And so it might be that you could look at, like we would look at a business here, we've got two opportunities. We don't have the ability time-wise, the bandwidth, to do both. So let's analyze and say, okay, if you made a painting, it takes this long to make it, and you would sell it for this. You'd have some supplies cost in there. And so you could do this many paintings in a year, and you would make X.

Well, instead, if you did baking, you probably could do more of that. It's probably cheaper. And so you'd have to sell the paintings for a lot more in order to offset what the baking would do. And you can compare the two things from a business comparison and then choose one. So maybe that's one of the lessons, because you simply can't do both well. I mean, you could put your finger in both things, but that's not good entrepreneurship either. So you start with one, get it going,

and then if you want to add something to it later, fine, once you've got this one going. But I start looking at the simple logistics of how much of this I can put out. What's the output? And therefore, what's the profit going to be? And then compare those two opportunities and choose one. That's a business analysis. And it's not that, it's not, I mean, a primitive business analysis. So not that complicated.

So I think the thing I have to remember when I was raising kids was I'm really not training them to do this thing. I'm using this thing to train them to be adults. As a tool, yeah. How old are you kids? So the blonde over here is 14, Chastity, and the brunette will, sorry, the blonde is going to be 15 like next week. Okay. And their brunette is going to be 14 next month.

Okay, great. Very cool. Well, Anthony, we'll take care of you. Kat will take care of you and get you a toolbox, a teen entrepreneur toolbox, and help you get that done. And that will be helpful, too. It's a pretty incredible product Anthony put together. So congratulations.

Well done. Thank you so much. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Brad is with us in Dallas. Hi, Brad. How are you? Very good, sir. How are you guys doing? Better than I deserve. How are you? Very good, sir. How are you guys doing?

Better than I deserve. How can we help? Yes, sir. So I'm a paramedic here in Texas, and we have a mandatory 7% that we have to donate to our pension. I was curious what would be better to do with the other 8%, whether it be

the 457 plan that has no employer match or roll it over into a Roth. I would do a Roth. Okay. The 457 is tax-deferred, and the Roth is tax-free. Yes, sir. Free is better than deferred. That's kind of where I was at, and I had a buddy of mine.

He was like, absolutely not. That's kind of where I was at, and I had a buddy of mine. He was like, absolutely not. That's the wrong choice. And he said, the people you go talk to, they're not millionaires. I said, well, I'll just call them millionaires. Well, here's the way the math shakes out, okay? If you put the same amount in the same mutual funds in a 457, it's tax-deferred growth. It's deferred comp. All right?

Yes, sir. And let's say that that account grows to $500,000. Okay? Yes, sir. You put the exact same amount in your Roth in the exact same mutual funds, it would also grow to $500,000. In the 457, the $500,000 is taxable. In the Roth, it is not. So taxes on $500,000 would be $150,000, which is how wrong your friend is. Yeah.

You can tell he's not a millionaire. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm going to go. Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, also the creator of the Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox, is my co-host today here on the show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. of the Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox is my co-host today here on the show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Sarah is in Louisville, Kentucky. Hi, Sarah.

How are you? Hi. I'm doing well. How are you all doing? Great. How can we help? Yes. So I have doing well. How are you all doing? Great. How can we help? Yes, so I have a question. Me and my husband got married in June,

and we've been together for almost nine years until I got out of college. So we decided we got married, basically. And I guess what I wanted to ask you is what do you suggest or how do you think we can communicate on compromising on if we should have separate or the same account. I personally would rather have a joint account because we're, you know, we're married now, we're a couple, we're one. He feels that we should have separate. Why? Good question.

I tried to ask him that and he doesn't, I don't know, it's hard to explain. I guess he doesn't want to be managed, which, like, as far as asking him why he spent his money on this or that. Not his money. Yeah, I was just about to say that. It's not what? It's not his money. And it's not your money. It's y'all's money. Yes, I agree. Yeah, it's our money. Yeah. If you wanted to be independent, you shouldn't get married. I told him that. Yeah. I was like, you know, I was like, then you know, I just., then, you know, I just...

Okay, let me talk, let's talk this through, okay? Jesus said your treasure is where your heart is. Where you spend your money is a direct reflection of what your views on life are, what your value system is, what your fears are, what your dreams are, and how you spend your money reflects all of that. When a couple does not combine their spending and their accounts and their goal, then they haven't combined their goals and they haven't combined their dreams and they don't face the fears together. They're doing life as two roommates, which is what you did for nine years. That's the problem. And then, but the, you know, you haven't combined where you're going.

And so communication is down and there's a high, a much higher probability of marital problems and divorce in that situation and the other piece of it is this out of the 10,000 millionaires that we interviewed one of the things we found very very consistently in the largest study of millionaires ever done was that

they combined accounts and worked together with their spouses and their spouses were supportive and cheerleading. Yeah. I agree. They weren't pulling apart. It's weird. They weren't pulling each other apart.

Yeah, I agree. It's weird. I come from one out of eight. He's the only child, grandchild. So, I mean, our values and views are the same besides, of course, the question I'm asking you. But as far as that, you know, we try to work together. Well, I think you need to get some marital counseling. Yes.

That's what I think. Okay. And have a good someone that you can both trust to speak into this, whether it's your local pastor or a good marriage counselor, someone you can both get trust with, because the idea that, you know, I don't want my wife telling me what to do. Well, I don't want my wife telling me what to do either. And Sharon doesn't want me telling her what to do. And so we lay out a game plan together that we both have a vote in.

And I don't tell her what to do, and she doesn't tell me what to do. We talk through it, and we both come to the same conclusion that this amount of money is going for this. But I don't just wander off and go do whatever the flip I want to do. And, oh, by the way, Sharon has not created a personal income by herself that she created income in 34 years. All the income that comes into the house, I did, but it's still our money. It's

our income. And I treat it as if she created the income in terms of her vote is equal to mine when we get ready to make a large purchase, when we get ready to make a decision. We have to do it equal. And listen,

this is going to be very difficult for y'all. It's going to really hold you back. It's going to be a stumbling block in your communication and your relationships if you don't solve it. And I don't have a magic wand to make it go away. And Sarah, what you got to do is you need to tell him, I mean, actually go find a counselor that's willing to meet with you all. And then come to him and say, you know, can, bag, can we, can we just get some, some wisdom? Uh,

don't make it just about this, make it about, Hey, we just want a healthy start, you know? So that way he doesn't feel attacked. He doesn't feel like you're just trying to prove a point, but say,

you know what? Hey, let's get some counseling. Let's get some wisdom around our marriage. So how we could do this, start off on the right foot and then bring that up in that situation. Because, Dave, here's my thing. If he's having a problem with that, he's having some some other problems and other things within their relationship as well.

Agreed. And so I would definitely recommend that Sarah to please listen to us. Get a counselor, but get a counselor for everything, not just one particular issue. Yeah. We pretty much, one of the conditions of me giving a blessing for one of mine getting married was that they're going to do detailed in-depth pre-marriage counseling because they come from a weird family. Yes. Can you imagine being my kid? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. What a blessing and what a curse. Yeah, yeah. You know? And so, or can you imagine marrying my kid and having to put up with this loud mouth family that's got a lot of opinions though you know you got so you got to get ready for this stuff and so if you're a single if you're

a only child and the only grandchild and so you think you're special well you're bringing problems to the marriage yes you know if you're one of eight and you're used to sharing everything, maybe way too much, you might be bringing problems to the marriage. Guess what? We all bring problems to the marriage. I know. And learning to work through those things. And so it's different like when you get married in your 30s versus somebody getting married at 21. It's a different game because you're kind of set in your ways.

I really am. You've got your little system, Mr. Bachelor. Yeah, I'm selfish, Dave. I know that. And, you know, somebody're kind of setting your way i really am you got your little system mr bachelor yeah i'm selfish dave i know that and and you know it's somebody gonna interrupt your system you know that's gonna be that's gonna require some some discussion uh dave can move on past the subject i'm over here like man dave is kind of scared i mean can you imagine rachel cruz and winston cruz sitting in pre-marriage counseling discussing Dave Ramsey? No. No.

Not right now. Not at the age that they are right now. I can promise you it ain't all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. I know Winston. Nah. I know I'm a saint, and I know I'm perfect.

But other than my narcissism. Man, listen. Listen, I get it. But you know, that's what. Can you imagine? I don't listen i get it but you know that's what you imagine i don't know dave but you know what the problems that you can i mean we have extra problems in this family because of the the celebrity status and the wealth and the other stuff there's extra problems you're coming into more than just normal everyone to his to sarah to anthony's point everyone has something to unpack. Absolutely. I'm going to have a lot to unpack. You know, my brother's getting married next month, Dave, and he actually did premarital counseling before he engaged because he knew that they both had a lot to unpack. So before they even said, yes, let's get married, they went to counseling beforehand to see if pre-marriage.

Pre-pre. Yeah. And he said it was the best decision so i said okay i'm gonna try that when i do find one and um i'm gonna try that as well yeah because there is a lot that comes with me i mean you're gonna have the same exact thing because you're in the spotlight yes everybody knows who you are you got a huge social media following yeah people recognize you when you're walking down the street you know and that's a weird thing to marry into. It is. It's a strange dynamic. And, you know, so it's just a thing.

So, yeah, and everybody's got something like that. So, Sarah, in your husband's case, it's just that he thinks the top, the axis of the world runs through the top of his head because his parents and grandparents told him that because he's the only one running around. Nobody else running around underfoot. And that doesn't make him a bad guy. But he's going to have to share for the first time in his life. Yes.

If he wants to be a good husband. That's just, hey, that's not picking on him. We're all got stuff. We're sitting here unpacking our stuff in front of you. So there you go. Good hour. Good hour. Thanks, James Childs, our producer.

Kelly Daniel, our associate producer and phone screener. I am Dave Ramsey, your host, and we'll be back. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.