The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Babies His Parents (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thanks for joining us, America. We're glad you're here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show on the Ramsey Networks, is my co-host today. His new life, Building a Non-Anxious Life, comes out in under one week this coming

Tuesday. If you want to get a great deal on it, it's only $20 right now, and it includes on pre-sale, if you do it before Tuesday, $75 worth of extra goodies. So go check it out. The book will help you work through and deal with properly the preparation. So when anxiety comes with the six daily choices you've made, not if, but when it comes, you will know how to deal with it. So pick it up at RamseySolutions.com. Get started. Lynn is going to start this hour off in Philadelphia. Hi, Lynn.

Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. It's such an honor to speak to you. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Uh, I actually have a two part question. Um, not sure if I can get to both of them, but my first question, um, is really starting to, something's really starting to get to me. It's affecting my family and my marriage. Um, my husband is taking responsibility for his parents, my in-laws finances. He's has created them a budget. He's paying their bills for them. He's going as far as controlling

their expenses. I'm not sure this is healthy and it's causing friction is he using their money or your money he's using their money okay so it's not costing you anything how old are they how old are they um they are in their late 70s okay and why is this not healthy do they need help um let's just say that them doing it on their own, they haven't been doing very well themselves. And I think my husband is just afraid of, you know, them overspending. Yeah, but you said this is not healthy and it's driving you crazy. So why is it not healthy? It's driving you crazy. So why is it not healthy?

Why is it not healthy and why is it driving you crazy? I don't think it's healthy because he's taking over and doing it himself. We don't agree with it, so he's causing friction with us. And it's not that they're not able to do it. It's kind of like he wants to do it for them because he thinks he'll do it better. Could it be that he knows for 79 years, I've watched my parents fail at this

and they're getting really close to falling off a financial cliff that as their son, I'm going to feel some sort of obligation to help out with and I can stop them from driving off the edge. Is it that? It is 100% that, which I'm okay with, but he's kind of gone a little too far. Not just giving them advice, but just basically- There's something else deeper. do you not like them i love them they are my second parents i lost my

parents at a young age when we just uh we've been married for 25 years so they've become my second parents um so what's what's the thorn in your side on this you know i think it's that i think you know partly it's that they can't do it themselves. Okay. So are you mad at them or him for that? I think I'm mad at them. Okay. So let's make sure the anger's in the right direction.

All right. And? And I, probably part of me is just kind of bummed that the time that we should be spending together on our own finances is kind of going toward them. All right. That's a totally different conversation. One of those conversations gets wrapped up and you're pressing your husband up against the wall saying it's me or them. And he's looking and saying, I love you both. I dedicated my life to you. I said, I do to you. You're my wife. And I'm watching my parents

sliding off the edge. The real question you're asking is I'm really frustrated that two grown people who I love haven't and won't and can't seem to figure out how to take care of their money. And my husband is the kind of man who steps in that gap. But I don't want that to come at the expense of our marriage and our relationship and our time together planning for our future. And so husband, can we spend time together focusing on our finances? That's separate then you shouldn't be doing that with them. You see what I'm saying? I do. One of those makes him have to wall up and pick and the other says is makes calls is a challenge are you gonna be are you gonna be um my partner in this deal and are you gonna continue to dream with me on what our house looks like so you've voiced to him that you're

frustrated I have he knows um he knows I'm not a fan of the whole situation. Okay. So let me tell you what I think I heard you say, and if I was wrong, tell me, okay? Okay. I think I heard you say, I'm frustrated because these two grownups won't be grownups. I love them, but I hate irresponsibility, and I hate the way that they are just so lame when they don't have to be, and that aggravates me. And I'm also aggravated because you're taking time away from us that I really need to have some things done over here on our finances before you go over there. You pretty much nailed it. Okay why don't you say that back to him that way?

I think that's a really good idea. And can i throw one twist in there that's gonna be hard for you to say sure can you say i am proud that you're the kind of man that um sees his mom and dad in need and however frustrating it is you're willing to step in that gap yes that's super important i do agree you are proud of his character you just you just hate it that they're being so lame-o and i gotta tell you i kind of agree with you well yeah it's super frustrated at both of them they're perfectly able-bodied and able-minded to do this and they're just too trifling to do it right you're yeah yeah and that aggravates that aggravates people that are responsible right and you know that know, I agree with your aggravation.

I just don't think that your aggravation is going to fix it. Because you're being aggravated is not going to make them suddenly responsible. Correct. And so they're either going to run in the ditch, as John said, or over the edge, as John said, or your husband's probably going to do what he's doing. Because, you know, they may have seven years they might have 10 and um you know and they're either going to be a burden to you all financially because they completely wreck the rest of their lives here or your husband's going to do this because they the chances of these people

changing their habits the old dog new tricks at this stage, probably pretty low. Is that fair? Yeah. And can he go too far? Can he say, hey, I'm going to help you all not fall off the edge and suddenly become their mommy and daddy all at once? Yes. Yeah, and it's okay to call that out.

Call him out on that. Yeah. Sounds like you've got a good man stuck in a weird situation, and it's frustrating, frustrating. Let's work towards the solution. You have a valid frustration with their irresponsibility, but not a good solution. He's got a better solution. This is The Ramsey Show.

Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personalities, my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Lauren is in Chicago. Hey, Lauren, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you for all the work you guys do for American people. I have been listening for a couple months to a lot of the different shows, and my husband and I, I'm learning a little, and we are okay. We've made some good decisions and some bad decisions based on the Ramsey way.

But right now, we're looking at wanting to pay our house off. We don't have any other debt. And how do people do that? Like, is it okay to just set aside the money and then pay it off in one month from or what is what's the ramsey way or is there a recommendation or a book no it doesn't take a book it's just early and often every month send as much towards the house payment as you can send okay and what happens is it lowers your balance so the next month more of your regular payment will go towards principal

than and then it would have if you hadn't let's say you sent ten thousand dollars okay well you no longer have to pay interest on that $10,000. So the monthly interest on that $10,000 less will be low. I mean, on the balance will be lower than it was by $10,000. You follow me? I do. I understand that. I guess like my husband and I agree with it completely. That's what I've learned and understand. However, my husband is more comfortable with having a lump sum available just in case anything happens with the house, any emergency.

Yeah, before you start paying off your house. Do you have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses? We have an emergency. We have about $160,000 saved, and then we have an emergency we have about 160 000 um saved and then we have okay your husband's theory is ludicrous what do you what is he expecting what kind of what do you think is going to happen armageddon your cash won't be good yes there will not be atms during armageddon thank you for the laugh yeah that. No, no, no. What do you owe on your home?

I'm so grateful to God. We lived in like a thousand. How much do you owe on your home? Oh, $633,000. I'm sorry, $633,000. What I would do if I woke up in your shoes is I would take three to six months of expenses, given that your husband likes to have a little bit more, let's say six months. What's your household income?

$250,000. Okay. All right. So let's be super generous, okay? Set $100,000 aside. That's more than you need. That's more than six months, okay? And call that your emergency fund.

It's a ridiculous emergency fund. Set $100,000 aside. Everything above $100,000 is cray-cray. It needs to be going on the house. It's just you're not going to have $100,000 emergencies. Can I ask another dumb question?

No, not dumb. These aren't dumb questions. These are great questions. Do you ever recommend if, like, you have investments, do you ever recommend taking those out and putting it towards the house? Always. Or no? Always, unless they're in retirement account. Okay. You want to know why?

Single stocks, sell them. You want to know why? Why? Because when we studied the largest study of millionaires ever done in North America, over 10,000 of them, we never found them saying, we invested instead of paying off our home, and that's how we became millionaires. None of them say that. Okay. Almost all of them followed the model of a steady, reasonable amount of investing, like in their retirement accounts, then paid off the home, and then increased their investing when the home was paid off. And so the typical person with, say, a million and a half dollar net worth, their first one and a half million dollars of net worth, had a $500,000 or $600,000 paid for home and about a million dollars in their 401k. But the number of them that said, oh, we never pay off our house,

instead we invested more and more and more and kept the house debt, was almost zero. It was less than 10%. Thank you. That's helpful. Okay. So the data says that the best and the fastest way to build wealth is get the house paid off while steadily investing about 15% of your income above an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses.

So if you guys making 250 have squirreled over in an investment of half a million dollars, I'm going to tell you get this house paid off next 12 months and take that money in there. Now, not taking out 401k money, but I'm talking about you've just got a, you know, you've got a brokerage account of some kind over here with a half million dollars sitting in it. Take that and the 60 above the hundred and throw it at the thing. Let's get this house paid off because I got to tell you, if I ever get your husband to pay off his house, he will think he's a genius and he'll never ever ever go back in debt on that house well and i want to make sure we point we touch on this he's solving for safety and right now safety for him is having a bunch of cash yep and and non-retirement investment that's right and he's hedging his safety against all these other things and he's got this big elephant sitting in his living room and you we've joked about this off air before no one has ever called the show and said man i'm really mad at y'all because i

paid my house off and six months later dave ramsey told me to pay my house i wish i had my mortgage back i love my mortgage you could you say it all the time you could always go take out a mortgage six months from now if you don't like it right if you don't like having a paid for house but you think you're you think you're solving for safety with all these extracurricular activities try sleeping in a house that you owe nobody anything for that's a level of safety that you didn't know your body could feel until you go do it yeah i'm telling you when when you have let's just talk about safety okay when we have a fauci quarantine and the whole freaking place shuts down and your house is paid for it feels a whole lot different inside your physical body than having the same amount of your mortgage and a mutual fund because

there's a part of your brain that's been there for eternity that says, you're going to lose your house. Your kids are going to be on the street. Yeah. Because 100% of foreclosures happen on a house with a mortgage. That's right. Versus being real frustrated, right? Being annoyed and frustrated.

That's different than, I can't breathe, right? Yeah. I mean, I had, we had business stress. We had relational stress because of disagreements. But David, Sharon, we're always going to be okay.

Over the COVID. You know, we found out who our friends were, who were all worried about little COVIDs jumping on people and all the stuff. We dealt with all that stuff. But we didn't deal during the Fauci quarantine with the threat of foreclosure. Right. That was not in there. And so when you're solving for safety, that a good phrase i like that phrase you know you you probably need to really correctly define safety right and get the elephant out of your dadgum living room

which is the living room by the way ironically it's uh in the way we said it before we had john with two phds to help us understand it was if your house is paid for take your shoes off walk through the backyard the grass feels different you breathe different and um you work you won't work at a toxic place anymore because you have to you're not stuck anymore folks and so the solving for this is, you know, when I first started teaching this stuff, I thought, well, if you got rid of a house payment and you invested a house payment, you can turn that money into a million dollars pretty quick. And that's the math part, the financial part.

But there's an emotional part, a spiritual part, a relational part, a medical health, a mental health part. You know, someday it'll be be done I don't know that I'll ever get around to doing it but a study of the medical condition and the life quality of life and longevity of life of people who are debt-free versus those that aren't there's they're quietly starting to leak out into the world where people are doing mental health and emotional health in debt and starting to use that correlative data it's it's it's pretty frightening yeah i've talked to some doctoral

students who are interested in doing their dissertations on student loans and people with debt versus the mental health of those who don't owe anybody anything yeah and if you think about this think about think of all of us um um have had the moment in our career when we think oh man i gotta go have a hard conversation with my boss. I may not survive this one. Imagine your wife or your husband can put your face in their hands and look at you and say, hey, we're going to be okay. We've got plenty of money. Go tell the truth. We've got plenty of money and we've got no house payment.

Go tell the truth. Go be you. And we don't have any house payments, man. Like, that's a different conversation. There we go. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Spencer and Jordan are with us in the Ramsey Solutions headquarters lobby on the debt-free stage.

Hey, guys, how are you? Hey. Pretty good. Welcome. Where do you all live? Terre Haute, Indiana. Terre Haute. I love it. Very good guys, how are you? Hey. Pretty good. Welcome. Where do y'all live? Terre Haute, Indiana. Terre Haute. I love it. Very good.

Good to have you. All right. How much debt have you two paid? We paid off $150,000. We sold our house. Wow. Wow. How long did all this take?

Well, selling the house took a couple months, but we lived in the house three and a half years, and we downsized from 3,000 square foot to 1200 with the family of five so whoa but hey no mortgage payment so it's uh worth it hardcore wow so y'all renting now no we bought it with cash or what we made from our other house so yep oh so you bought a house so you don't have a mortgage no mortgage debt free debt're debt-free, debt-free. You sold the house, bought another house with the equity. No mortgage of any kind. How old are you two? I am 31.

32. But in order to do this, you moved into a tiny little place. Yes, sir. No regrets. I love it. Okay. But you don't have to be there forever. It's a step.

Yes, it's a step. And you're 32 years old. And what's this house worth that you're living in uh 130 135 range i'd say we we actually just cash flow to remodel on it too so um okay so it's pretty nice okay and we can live there for a few years and then move up easy easy easy and uh so okay again so this whole experience has really did down pretty quick, right? Yes, sir. But we actually grew up in Ramsey Foundations, right? We have family members who have followed the baby steps and passed that on to us.

Jordan actually has a great story with the Total Money Makeover. Yeah, when I was a junior in high school, my parents saw that I was not great with money, and they were like, we'll pay you $20 to read the Total Money makeover. Yeah, when I was a junior in high school, my parents saw that I was not great with money and they were like, we'll pay you $20 to read the total money makeover. So great $20. It did not stick until I got married. So not a great $20. But no, no, it was spent probably the next day.

I inherited $13 when we got married. Yep, part of that $20. that 20 and then uh yeah big shout out to my mom who's uh followed dave ramsey for a long time in the steps and uh all the way through college um we were able to kind of cash flow so this this all this stuff was around in your childhood you're kind of financial peace babies in a sense yes sir okay all right now but once you decided okay we got this big house we could sell it we could buy another house you did all that within a matter of months yep so really like four months or something to be debt free once you make the call right yes sir okay do you have

other debt to pay off too no we paid off my student loans um when was it a few years ago and uh we had a two and a half three year gap of no loans no no being debt free and then we bought the house 2019 sold it earlier this spring so so what lit y'all up what what said like hey let's leave this big nice house where everyone's got their own bathroom and room and let's get out of this mess you know we, we just, it was, it was a great, it was a big, beautiful house. And we just were like, you know what? We want to change.

And we knew that that wasn't our forever home. So we were like, why are we paying this big mortgage when we could downsize, be completely debt free and then save for what will be our forever home. Way to go, you guys. Very cool. What's your household income? Right now it's around 110. What do y'all do for a living i stay home and homeschool our three kids and i'm currently in

the air national guard working in it and then my civilian jobs in it as well so wow good for you good career y'all are both awesome yeah yeah way to go guys you're heroes okay so congratulations um to all of the young parents out there who say there's no possible way you could have three beautiful, rambunctious little ones. What is the oldest one? What? Six, seven? He's nine.

Nine. Okay. So you got nine and seven and five? Yep. Yes, sir. You can't possibly have a family of five in a 1,200 square foot house. It's awesome. How do you make it work?

Bonding. No. It's a family of five in a 1200 square foot house it's awesome how do you make it work bonding no it's a lot of bonding yeah the boys share bedroom and remy our daughter she has her own room and honestly it's probably been a lot harder for them than it has for us it's a lot less cleaning a lot less maintaining for us and i think they're getting used to it a lot of times outdoors but we haven't gone through winter yet so we'll see that might be the deciding factor january february range i have one sibling i grew up in a 1 000 square foot home yep so um and um yeah wow yeah it's amazing when you look i went over there and visited it not long ago it kind of shrunk yeah that's uh it's like going back to your elementary school it shrunk yes yes yes but i think you guys are gonna be great i'm so proud of y'all yeah it's not a

long-term play really it's a short-term play it's a it's a sacrifice and we knew it when we when we bought the house and we actually um you think about a thousand bucks a month going to the bank it's like you know what could we be doing with this and knowing that we were going to um buy a forever home from a family member um in the future um we can be saving that and you know treat this house as a rental for the kids yeah as they go through school and yeah that'd be great but no it's a and with the homeschool stuff so in your all's case you made this from one fell swoop you grew up with some of these things around you. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is?

Because your story is different. For me, it would just be the budgeting was the hardest part for us, I think, was just sitting down and making a budget. And I feel like it's gotten even harder now that we are debt-free, is sitting down and still maintaining that budget. But I think that that's what I tell people is get on the same page, sit down, write a budget, do what's best for your family. Yeah, the discipline and the reminder that it's God's money, right? Be a good steward of it and the lesson for the kids and all the way going through the house selling and the house buying process with them by our sides.

A lot of um well you took a step back so i i think looking at you from the outside looking in i think your secret was contentment you're willing to be content with that as a step uh i'm gonna live like no one else so later i can live and give like no one else being countercultural yeah and knowing that it's um just it's god's will yeah doing it so we often tell people don't sell your house to get out of debt because you don't you don't go through you don't learn the lessons but y'all y'all were debt-free for three years before you sat down and said let's go do something radical yep yeah very well done good job you guys i'm very cool

all right bring the kiddos up let's hear their names and ages have they been practicing any debt-free screams just since we've been here this is grayson he is nine mylon who's seven and remington who is five oh remington all right i think remington's in charge anytime a family has their kids come up and they all just stand in a straight line and they're respectful and kind that's great that's very cool makes me want to be better at being a parent. I love it. It's amazing. Very good, you guys. Hey, we've got the Total Money Makeover book for you, the Baby Steps Millionaires book.

That's the next chapter in your story for you. And the Financial Peace University membership. You can live some of that. You can give some of that. Thanks for coming down here from Terre Haute and sharing your inspiring story and your beautiful family. You guys are amazing. Way to go, heroes. You're heroes. You took control.

Those little babies right there, their whole lives are changed because their mom and dad are grownups. Very well done. Spencer, Jordan, Grayson, Mylon, and Remy. I got to love it. From Terre Haute. $150,000 paid off in about four months. Sold their home, moved into a smaller one, so they had it all paid off, making $110,000. Count it down.

Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free. Yeah. Wow. Fabulous. Fabulous. fabulous in 1963 the average family in america had a 1 000 square foot one level home one car that was the average family in america today the average family in america has 2.5 cars

and 2 900 square feet you would say something wild about that? Besides just the cost? One of my plans to go down a nerd rabbit hole is there's some quiet conversations about families over the last centuries and thousands of years have grown up together. You could hear each other breathe. You could see each other. And that one of the causes of anxiety may be that everybody from you get into the bassinet you get your own room and you're on the other side of the house you're on the other side of the house you're upstairs someone's downstairs and you're all on screens everybody's alone and everybody's on screens and there's something about bringing the family back together that's that's sounds kind of neat i don't know the data on it kind of regulates everything but it's interesting it's interesting thought regulates their bodies overnight we stuck everybody in their own room on the other side of the house and i don't know that we're designed for that. It's an interesting thing to think about.

This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money. Joe is with us in Springfield. Hey, Joe, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Dave, thank you for taking my call.

Sure. What's up? I've been listening to you often on the last couple years. A lot of things haven't soaked in, but the other day you said that nobody should own a new truck unless they have a net worth of a million and they're debt-free. Well, I bought a new one earlier this year, and so my question, number one, is should I sell that truck and downgrade and get something a little bit more economical so that I can

pay it off? How much do you owe on it? Forty-three. No, 42 and some change, so 43. What's your household income? 220, 210. And you don't have any money? No, I have about 40 in the bank right now.

How long have you been making that kind of money? Oh, years. You're making good money. Why do you not have any? Well, my wife kind of lives YOLO. I kind of live like, hey, we might live to be 500. And it's just been 15 years of just kind of we've sat down and we've put budgets together and it just doesn't stick on one end and it does on one.

And I've just kind of learned to compromise to keep the marriage happy. And, uh, but the marriage isn't happy, man. I can hear it on you. It's frustrating. I mean,

I love her to death. Wouldn't trade her for nothing, but it's frustrating when you have a divided house. Um, you know, like I hate Christmas. I hate it. Um,

you know, we spend $4,000 every year on Christmas, and it's to people and friends, and every year we argue about it, and it just gets me where I just hate Christmas, you know, because I know we're just going to blow a bunch of money, and we shouldn't, and we don't have to. You move on, you know. You can either dwell on it or you can just move on.

And then you borrowed $40,000 on a truck. Yes, well, I on a truck. Yes. Well, I'm a sales guy, so I have to have a truck that's less than three years old and so many miles. I get paid $850 a month for my truck allowance. Whether you have a car payment or not. That's right. And that's where I would rather tuck the $850 and throw it on the house. We're in a great situation on the house.

The house is worth about $6,600 and a quarter. We're in a great situation on the house. The house is worth about six, six and a quarter. We're down to about 270 on it. Joe, the truck needs to be paid off or it needs to be sold, but it's 10% of your problem. Okay? The problem that's screaming at me in this conversation is you make way too much money to be this broke. I agree. And you guys have really going to sit down and address that you're just you're just a quarter no you haven't because it's

not fixed what do you but what do you do well i think you know if you can't if you and your wife can't sit down and dream about a future that you're willing to control yourselves for because you're not controlling yourself you have no self-control in your household and if you the two of you can't find a house a dream in in high definition that the two of you can agree to that is worth working towards together and worth not spending everything we make to cause it to happen then you do need to sit down with a marriage counselor if that's the case. Often high-performing, high-earning folks sit down and have this conversation as a math problem. Honey, we make this much money.

We've got to make a budget. I have an Excel sheet I can show you. I know you do. It's useful. Here's what I'm telling you. There's a different conversation when you sit down with your wife and you hold her hands and you say, Honey, I can't breathe. I'm so scared.

We make way too much money. I'm working so hard. And I feel like you and I are pulling further and further and further apart. And I love you too much to be frustrated at you all the time because I know that's hard to live with. And I love you too much for us to pretend that we're all joyful and happy once a year at Christmas and we try to throw money at our friends and family instead of being a warm, safe place for them to come land. Would you build something different with me? That's a different conversation than, honey, look at my spreadsheet. Look look at this if you just would do this then we could get out of this crap one of those she's going to go to her defense and that defense is probably way older than you

and that's probably been there since she was a little kid and then you go to your defense because she starts bombing you back and it's different when you take ownership and say i want my wife and i want a family that i want to unify a unified front here. I want a unified vision of what we're going to do. And I'm scared to death. I'm going to lose you. The irony is, is that you think by acquiescing, you're creating peace and you're not. That's the irony.

The fire is burning in the basement and it is hot. It's coals. Yeah. Because it's eating you up and she can feel that on you and then she goes about solving that feeling with the way that her body's been solving those feelings for her whole life spending spending and trying to make people feel good about themselves and showing people how great she's doing and that's different than y'all two building a life together yeah yeah and if you guys can't sit down and work that through and start to say we need to develop a new vision for our future a different plan other than just

spinning our wheels feeling like a rat in a wheel i'm scared i can't do this this is killing me i cannot live in a situation where i make a quarter million dollars a year and we have nothing that is just absurd to me my brain can't do it anymore. My mind can't do it. My psyche, my spirit can't do it anymore. So we have got to develop a plan for the future that we're both willing to work towards. And I want to do that with you. Let's start fresh, a reset, not we've got to get on a budget. But that will lead you, by the way, to a budget. And it's not a spreadsheet budget.

It's an every dollar budget, but it'll lead you to the two of you working together to implement the plan that you have agreed to together, that both of you had a vote in. I love starting those conversations with, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've tried to control you the way I know to control a problem. I've tried to solve you. I've tried to fix you. I'm sorry. Let me tell you the truth. I'm scared to death. There's a different approach there. Someone can enter into your space that way instead of having to swing back at you. It's tough.

Hope that works for you, brother. And then pay that truck off in the next 20 minutes or a couple months and or sell it, one of the two. Because you went and bought a truck while she went and bought Christmas. Yeah, you showed her, man. I think you spent more. So there you go. And the $850 is coming in whether you have a truck payment or not, so that doesn't justify it.

Our question of the day is sponsored by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Most American homes have dozens of appliances, and chances are at any given time something wrong with at least one of them mr appliance a neighborly brand offers expert appliance service on your schedule visit neighborly.com today to find home service experts including mr appliance in your area today's question comes from jane in florida i pay the bills for my elderly father he has a bad habit of going to the ATM to withdraw money several times a week. A lot of times it leaves me with a balance too low to pay his bills. I've had numerous talks, threatened to stop helping, etc.

He apologizes and promises to do better. Then in a few weeks, he's right back to the same situation. I don't want to be disrespectful to him, but it's really stressing me out. What do you recommend I do? I'm not going to help you with your bills anymore unless you give me your ATM card. I'm unable to help anymore. Unless you give me your ATM card.

I can't participate. Yeah. You're making this too hard. You're sabotaging everything I'm trying to do to help you. I'm trying to love you, and you're telling me very clearly you don't want my love and support and help. Yeah. So if you want to give me the ATM card, I'll keep doing if you don't then i won't yeah that's fine i still love

you but i'm not gonna i'm not gonna spend all of my time resenting how you're living your life and then you come to me asking for help i don't want to resent you you're my dad i want to love you so i'm either gonna turn this over to you or you're gonna hand me your atm card yeah that's easy yeah i can fix that and it's not a flex and it's not it's not showing your muscles it's just saying hey i'm choosing to not do this anymore i can't yeah this is this is an absurd dog chasing its tails keep pulling you out of the pool and you just keep jumping in if you want to stay in there man it's tough i keep getting you out of the road and you keep running back out there yeah it's tough yeah it's um it's well it's um it's frustrating because, A, it's someone you love, and, B, they're hurting themselves.

And, C, it's so cyclical. Yeah. It's circular here. It's a dance. The whole thing is circular. It's ridiculous. Yeah. Stop dancing.

Bad Florida two-step. There you go. This is The Ramsey Show. Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. It's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes. Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.