The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Bought a $60K Boat on Credit Without Consulting Me! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king. The paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, host of the Christy Wright Show, one of the Ramsey Network podcasts that is uber-popular,

is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jake starts us off in Garden City, Kansas. Hey, Jake, how are you? I'm better than I deserve. Dave, how about yourself? Just the same, sir. Just the same.

How can we help? I am 24 years young, and I've done a lot of dumb in my life. I'm a mechanic. I've got a question on if I'm doing the right thing here. I've got almost $22,000 in debt on my tools, which I have to do my job. So I'm paying that off as quick as I can. I'm in a place right now that my house, I have two offers on it to where I can get out and get a fair amount of equity out of it. Right now I'm paying on it and I'm paying the PMI on it and all that. And I'm on a 30 year mortgage. I didn't get into it very smartly, but I have good equity in it. And for what I'm getting offered in this market, it is a very good deal. And I'm going,

I found another place actually 30 minutes down the road in in another town that uh would still allow me to get to work easily um and it is already a place that i have equity in and with the equity i'm pulling out of this place would be able to put a significant down payment on it get out of the pmi uh then i also have my pickup right now i'm uh upside down in it, and the market has gone up. I'm sorry. You're going to have to stop, Jake. What is it you need? When I sell my house, do I invest into another house if I can get good equity into it and get under the PMI,

or do I use it to pay off credit card debt? I've got $5,000 in credit card debt and some snap-on tool debt. Do I use that towards the debts there, or do I use that to get into another house that I can be paying on? How much are you going to get out of this house? Approximately $35,000, a little over $35,000. And you're 24 years old, and you're single? Single, but I have a seven-month-old son.

Okay. And you make what a year? I make about $75,000 to $78,000. Good for you. Okay. All right. And you got $22,000 in tools and how much other debt? $27,000 on my pickup, which I think I can sell and get a cheaper vehicle.

And $5,000 in credit cards. Okay. So if you pay off the tools and the credit cards, you're renting right now? That would be correct if I did that. Yeah. You sell the truck, and you build up your emergency fund, and then you build up a down payment, and that's what I would do. Yes.

Yeah, no, I would not buy another house right now. Okay. And let me just tell you, from a business perspective, and knowing a tiny bit about your business, and one of my best friends was in the Snap-on business for a while, those guys are very, very good at what they do, which is selling you tools. And that line of I have to have these tools to make my living is partially true, but it's not true of $22,000 worth. Some of that was bought because you just wanted one. And in your world, adding to that toolbox, unless it absolutely comes out of that toolbox and causes your income to go up more than the cost of that tool, sometime in the next 90 days is BS.

Yes, sir. People in your world overbuy tools. Yes, sir. All the time. It's not that you don't need good tools. A Snap-on is good tools. It's not that you don't need good tools. A Snap-on's good tools. It's good quality stuff. But they will sell you a line that, well, you have to spend money to make money.

And this is what you do your craft with. And all of those lines are technically true, but it causes you to buy a good 30% more than you need in most people in your business. And subcontractors do it in the construction business. Computer people do it. People in the video world do it. They buy a bunch of crap, and they buy a bunch of equipment, and they spend all of their profits back out in equipment. And it's not stuff you have to have to do business.

We've talked about this before, Dave. Even with women that I work with through business boutique, there's an element of buying stuff, whether it's equipment, supplies, whatever, that we overbuy because it somehow justifies the business, because it somehow makes us feel like this is real, I'm really doing it, I'm a real fill-in-the-blank. It's kind of like, I use the example, but when I needed to go buy a suit to interview for my first job out of college. I didn't have interview clothes.

I just wanted to feel like I've got a new suit. I've got a new computer back. You don't need that to do your job. When you start looking at when you run your own business, that that money is coming out of your paycheck because it's taking away from the profitability of the business. Then you start thinking, how many tools do I really need to have? Is this going to ROI or can I get by with less and not justify the validity of the business with purchases? Because what justifies the validity of the business is money. Yeah. So here's the thing.

You got $22,000 worth in your box. You're making $78,000. You probably don't need any more for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Not going to make Mr. Snap-on very happy. Yeah. But my goal is not to make him happy.

My goal is to make you happy. Can he sell some back, you think? No, but those guys are on a route. And so they'll swing by and see him every so often and sell him a new one. We got a new thing. We got a new thing. You got to have this thing. You need this thing.

Yeah, and here's what's happening with that. Look what you could potentially make with this. There's certain tools that, you know, a 70-year-old version of it will actually still work perfect. Other tools need to be brand new. But you just have to be careful because that's the business that they're in, and they're very, very good at it. Well, and I would be willing, but there's an element of business analysis to this where you go, okay, they snap on tools, salesman guy comes by,

and he's like, oh, we've got this new thing that does this new thing. And you go, I don't have a request for that. You know what I mean? Like the requests that I have are oil changes, the brakes are bad, I need new, you know, rotors. Okay, you got the tools for that. Cool. Do get the tools for the things you actually use, not the new widget that someone's trying to sell you because you don't have people coming in with that. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, oftentimes that's very, very true. So be careful with that. It's all a morning yawn, Jake. But I think you're right. You sell the house, you become debt-free. You sell the truck, you become debt-free, get you a beater, finish your emergency fund up, then save your down payment. And that's probably a year to a two-year process for you right now from today. But during that two years, you're going to be so unbroke because you won't have any payments

that it's going to be a wonderful place to be um and you're carrying more stress maybe even than you realize right now between the credit card the tool debt the truck and the house and when you step out of all of that and you're just a renter uh for a couple years and you say okay by the time i'm 26 i'll be back into a house and i'm paying a really good strong down payment no pmi and i won't have any debt and it's completely different decision making than it is to doing it today. Yeah. And kind of what you're doing is you're cutting halfway through the thing.

And I'm just saying, cut all the way through it. Yeah. Cut all the way through it. Yeah. So good questions. Good question. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. This is The Ramsey Show. Registration is now open to attend our largest leadership event of the year, Entree Leadership Summit. We will be at the Hyatt Regency Orlando in beautiful Orlando, Florida, May 22nd through

the 25th, 2022. We always bring together the best leaders for this event, and next year is no exception. I'll be there speaking, as well as our very own Ken Coleman, Christy Wright, and Dr. John Deloney. We've also got legendary comedian and former host of the top-rated Tonight Show, Jay Leno, best-selling author Patrick Lencioni, founder of IT Cosmetics, Jamie Kern Lima, American restaurateur Will Gadara,

classic concert pianist and powerhouse speaker Jade Simons, best-selling author Henry Cloud, and more. These are leaders and speakers who have made their own rules in business and are going to inspire you to do the same. To learn more about the event and get your seats, text the word SUMMIT2022 to 44222. Thank you. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Thank you for joining us, America.

We're glad you're here. Nicole is with us in Jacksonville, Florida. Hi, Nicole. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you, Dave? Better than I deserve. What's up? Dave, I just want to thank you for your principles. My husband and I are on baby step three. My husband's father died very unexpectedly 19 days ago. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. My mother-in-law is 63 years old. Her lifelong partner of 42 years died with no life insurance.

She has car loan debt, consumer credit card debt, and a home loan. And her Social Security check is equal to her mortgage. So we are questioning you, sir, if this was your family, would you suggest us to have her file bankruptcy and stay in the home and have to, you know, stretch it and barely make ends meet? Or would we sell the house? And my husband and I are in a position where we have a walkout basement and we've given the opportunity for her to use those proceeds of selling the home and pay off her debt and then use proceeds at the home to renovate our basement into a one-bedroom apartment where she can live with us, but not with us. So we were just curious

to see what your opinion would be on everything stated. What's the equity in the house? She's got about $150,000 equity. Okay. And she has a car debt and what other debt? $6,700 on the car and roughly $33,000 in credit card debt that she can't make the minimum payments even on. Right. Okay.

And she was working for her husband he owned a very small plumbing company and when she lost her spouse she also lost her employment he was a one-man show so the business has been dissolved what was she doing just running the office just running the office yes sir okay all right oh what a horrible thing for her. I'm so sorry. Yes, sir. We're so grateful that we were following your plan and on Baby Step 3 that we could come in and help with his afterlife care. It was such a blessing to be in that position and not have to go into debt to do so. Yeah, she's going to have a good pile of money even after she's debt-free.

The house is gone. She can't afford to keep everything. And no, she's not bankrupt. She has $150,000 worth of equity. She's not even close to bankrupt. And bankruptcy would cause her to lose the house to the bankruptcy. So no, we're not doing that. So she's got to sell the house. It's sad. And that pays off the debt. And then she's got $100, house. It's sad. And that pays off the debt. And then she's got $100,000 plus in her hand.

And she gets a job. Right? She doesn't want to work. She's 63. I'm sorry. She can work. And 63 is not old enough to retire when you're broke. She's hurting and she's grieving, and that makes sense.

But she's going to need to do something for money, number one, but number two, to keep herself occupied. She's still young. Right. She doesn't need to sit on her butt from 63 to 93. You know, that's not good for humans. We need to do something. Absolutely. 63 to 93. You know, that's not good for humans. We need to do something. Absolutely.

And so, yeah, just to, but right now she's just hurting. So, I mean, we'll be gentle with her, but that's, we're not doing that. So, if I, if it was my mom, I would not move her into the basement. No? Because I don't think it's necessary. She's got $100,000, and when she starts working, she can get her a little rental apartment, set the $100,000 aside,

and in a couple of years start thinking about buying a home again. Okay. With $100,000 down, and it'll be a different price range home than she's in now. But without the credit card debt, without the car debt, with the pain and the tragedy in her rearview mirror, and she's back functioning again in a career, by 65, she easily could buy a house. Nicole, have you all talked to her about the basement plan, or has she asked to move in?

Has that been a point of discussion yet? Oh, it's definitely we offered we also got a thousand square foot walkout basement underneath our house yeah um so and it's unfinished it's a dirt floor so yeah she's not penniless she doesn't need to live in a basement well even if she we made it into a mother-in-law suite with her proceeds from the house i just i just wouldn't it goes back to what you say a lot of times dave would you do that if if it wasn't your mother-in-law would you have someone just move into your basement and build it out with their money you wouldn't and she has i mean we love her dearly we think the world of her listen we're not if she was on the street and homeless

absolutely we would do this but she's got $100,000 worth of options. Okay. I guess my question is, Nicole, is like what is the why of her moving in with y'all? Is she unable to take care of herself? She doesn't want to work, and this puts her up to where she doesn't want to work. She has the old-fashioned mindset that renting is throwing money away. It's not the time to be buying right now. We all acknowledge that's not smart to do right now. But just looking at rentals, you know, she doesn't, you know, it would be more than what her current mortgage is. And she doesn't want to have to dip into that nest egg every month just to

cover the basics, you know? And I mean, so it just made sense to, okay, renovate the basement and, you know, get her a nice one bedroom studio apartment down there. And then and, you know, get her a nice one-bedroom studio apartment down there, and then she would own it. And then when she's elderly and needs our help, we're right there. She doesn't own it. Well. You own it. Right. And she's only 62 years old.

Yeah. This doesn't play well for 30 years and when she gets ready to move on with her life now she's got her money stuck in your basement true true that's i i just i wouldn't make this decision today i would go rent an apartment for six months after you sell the house and be debt free stabilize let's get a better brighter future picked out rather than i'm going to hide in the basement for 30 years okay that's just that's mentally what she's doing it's escape it'd be different if it was necessary nicole that's where i go back to you she needs your care for her health i would never tell you i would never tell you not

take care of your mom but she's right you. She has $100,000 of cash, and she's young. She can work. There's no actual need base for this decision. She's debt-free. You adore her, and she doesn't want to work. This is more of a choice than a need. Rinse a little apartment over by the ocean, over by the beach somewhere, and goes for long walks and starts to reset her mind and heal from this grieving, go through the grieving process,

and just give her some time. And she needs to put her hand to something and go make some money so that she doesn't burn through the $100,000. Right. But I don't want her to rent for the rest of her life. I wouldn't suggest that. And let's say that she became ill or something was unable to care for herself yeah okay or after six months if we're still thinking this way if you all want to do it it's

not the end of the world but the problem is is it tight it closes down her future it narrows the focus on her future to where she's acting like she's 83 not 63 well and it's going to be it may be hard for her to find a job, and it might be hard for her to rent those things now that she doesn't want to do and has never done before. It's going to be a whole lot harder in five years after you guys have gotten all comfortable in the basement. And she won't. She won't. And she can't go buy something then because the money's in your basement.

Yeah. It's at 30 grand of the seven. You know, now we've got 70 left. Yeah. And now you feel bad because you got her money in your basement um and now you got to go sell your house to get her money out or something like that because she wants to move on with her life but i i think there's a second act here a third act an encore i don't think that this is the final curtain for her that's my point and so we don't want to

build something out here that that acts like it's final curtain stuff. And that's what you're doing. You're trapping her. So if you're going to do it, I'd wait six months. Let's rent for six months. Let's get some of the grieving behind us. You're going to have to sell the house. You've got to sell the house. Get debt free.

But get debt free. Go rent something. Put the $100,000 in a CD for six months. Sit on it. Live on the Social Security check. Begin to think about career. And then make this decision. And if you want to do it,

I'm not going to be mad at you, but I wouldn't. I think it's narrowing our options too tightly. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Brian and Andrea are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Doing great.

How are you? Better than I deserve. Where are you guys from? Atmore, Alabama. Atmore. Now, where's Atmore? It's about an hour away from Mobile. Okay. All right. Wonderful.

Well, thanks for being in Nashville to do your debt-free scream. How much have you paid off? $53,800. Good for you. And how long did this take you? 24 months. Yay. And your range of income during that time? Starting at 50, now we're at 65.

Cool. What do you all do for a living? I'm an accountant. And I'm a game attendant at Wind Creek Casino. Wonderful. Good to have you guys. Well, way to go, guys. How long y'all been married? Eight years. Okay. All right. What kind of debt was the $54,000? It was my car, a mattress, our shed, his truck, and then we finally finished it off with the house. You paid off the house and everything? We did everything. Wow. Wow!

It's not much of a house, but it's all ours now. It sure is. It's paid for by God. That's right. There you go. What's the house worth? Our guess is about $80,000. Like I said, it's not much, but it's ours.

How old are you two i'm 27 and i'm 29 i gotta tell you you're way ahead yes you are you don't need to apologize for that house it's a paid for dadgum house that's awesome i'm so proud of y'all thank you well done okay so you're married eight years but something after six years two years ago changed what let the fuse on this? So I started it. I kind of, it was funny because there was nothing that really happened. There was no tragic moment.

I just kind of just got tired of stressing about the credit card bills being due and all the other bills being due. The accountant, huh? What am I going to pay? What is he going to pay? Because we had separate bank accounts at the time. Oh, no. So a lot has changed since then. We combined incomes, combined bank accounts, and cut up the credit cards and did the whole shebang.

Wow. So how did you get connected to us? Google. Nice old Google. Okay, so that night you were just, that night you're doing the bills, you just got frustrated and Googled what? Well, it was actually March 3rd, 2019, and I'll be honest, I don't pray too often, but I did pray. I said, God, I don't know what it is. I don't know what I need to do. I don't know what direction we need to take. But there's something that needs to happen with us financially. I need you to help guide me.

And the next day, I found Dave Ramsey. Wow. So I can quite say that you and your entire team have been in answer prayer. Your team is just wonderful. Wow. Wow. Well, we're honored. That's amazing.

We're honored. If God would use us, that makes us worth showing up. It good for you guys well done very well done i'm so proud of you so y'all went from financing the shed credit cards putting everything on you know payments when you're financing the shed i know i heard that you're financing everything i know well that's but then they went but then they paid off their house like tell me about we're putting everything on debt to all the way to paying off the house. Y'all didn't mess around. Y'all went all in. Oh, no.

Yeah. We did the debt snowball. And start of the fall is the largest. And then we were finally done with that where we're like, well, let's just go over the house. It's not much more. So let's just go ahead and finish it all off and be done with everything. Look at you. And just be completely debt free.

Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. And I also want to say that something that really has helped me personally is practicing minimalism. I know you had the minimalists on here every now and then. Absolutely. So that's something that I discovered a couple years ago. And I took some time off of social media.

I took a little break. And I discovered minimalism. And it becomes less of a burden when you start selling things. Because you don't really have to. You really want to. So anyone that's never heard of minimalism, I would highly recommend looking into it. Those guys are great guys.

They're wonderful. There's just something peaceful about that whole process. There's a contentment element. There is. The mental simplicity that gives you in life. Yeah, you don't think of the effect that physical clutter has on your mental state, your emotional state, but it does. They're actually the guest on the Christy Wright Show that aired this week, just yesterday.

And just after talking to them when we recorded it, I was like, I went home and I was like, what can I cut out? What can I get rid of? It's so inspiring, right? Yeah. Yeah, I told them I'm kind of a maximalist. I'm not surprised by that. I think it's hard to hang out with those two and not go home and look at your closet and go, half of this stuff needs to be thrown out. 100%.

You haven't worn that coat in 17 years. You probably ought to get rid of it. You aren't going to wear it this week. No, you don't need it just in case. It's not going to show up. It's borderline hoarding that we all do. It really is. I'm proud of you guys.

Way to go, y'all. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I mean, you're of you guys. Way to go, y'all. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I mean, you're not even 30, you've got a paid-for house. Communication. Big, big factor. The cash envelopes.

Really doing the cash because our first trip to Sam's, I got the necessities, like the frozen chicken breast that you were talking about earlier. I got all those necessities out of the way, and I wanted a little bit of extras.

And for the first time, that humility sank in once I had to take something off of the register so I put it back yeah once that actually happened that just hurt my pride a little bit but it all worked out yeah it turns out that nobody at Sam's is going to run home and go that woman had to put stuff back you wouldn't believe it nobody cares nobody gives a rip nobody gives a rip as a matter of fact most of us have been there oh yeah yeah there's one person on the planet that cares about that and it's you that's yeah that's that's amazing but it's so it is embarrassing it's a moment i remember that feeling and it's one thing talking about it but then actually going through

it oh it just hurts but it's so worth it once you actually take you actually switch over to the cash envelopes yeah well and it's short term it's short term take you actually switch over to the cash envelopes yeah well and it's short term it's short term that you're making those type of that level of sacrifice to real you know what i mean and so then now it's like you have more money because all that money's not going to debt oh yeah it's not forever and i also want to say um i don't i'll let him talk eventually maybe i want to say that no matter your income and no matter what level of ratio from shovel to income uh anything you set your mind to, you can accomplish it. Because I was thinking, we don't make that much.

We're not going to have this paid off in a couple of years. I would never have thought that would happen. I was that person. And anyone that's listening, you can do it. It is possible. Just you have to stick with it. So, Brian, did she sell all your stuff? Yeah.

Not all of it. not all of it not all of it but uh just most of it yeah stuff i didn't need okay all right there you go that's fun so very very well done so you googled and you found the podcast or you found what with us youtube youtube i just i i really i started watching videos, and I learned everything from that. I looked into FPU, but I was like, I don't even want to spend the money and all the information on YouTube for free, so I just did that instead. I wanted to lead an FPU class. I attempted to. I signed up for it.

A couple people came in. They unfortunately couldn't stick with it. Something happened in their life, which is fine. I tried. I tried to teach an FPU class. Well, thank you. Hopefully someone will hear this and want to do a class. There you go.

I would love to. Well, that would be fun. We'd love to have you coordinate one. So well done, you guys. How does it feel? How does it feel to get to keep your money now? It feels amazing. Yeah?

It feels incredible. So who were your biggest cheerleaders? Well, we have my grandparents over here today with us. They were, throughout the entire process they were just cheering us on the entire time love it they've always been frugal their entire lives so the fact that we were being so cheap go baby go my mom my mom she did she tried to do the cash envelope a year many many years ago and yeah a long time ago but she's she's wonderful too she was a big cheerleader throughout all so they made the road trip up here with you

to nashville get to see nashville and get to throw their shoulders back, stick out their chest and be proud of you, too. Yeah, they wanted to be here with us. Amen. Amen. Nothing better than that. And you had a... Yeah, and I had a buddy of mine at work who was also very supportive of it. I wasn't all in at first.

It takes me a minute. I'm open-minded, but it takes me a minute to actually get with the program. Sure, sure. I started talking to a buddy of mine named danny at work he then he actually was doing this and uh he explained to me that it's real worth it really worth it to do all this and it's going to be just absolutely amazing in the end when we're finished so was he right he was definitely right all right there you go that's awesome well done, we got a copy of The Legacy Journey because that's the next chapter in your all story. Legacy is changed.

Well done. You're young and you got a paid for freaking house. It's awesome. You guys are amazing. Rock star heroes, man. Thank you. And a copy of the Total Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody and help. You can be Danny to somebody.

You can give them a Total Money Makeover and encourage them get them going and uh that's what it's for so very very cool brian and andrea from alabama fifty four thousand dollars paid off in 24 months make it 50 to 65 count it down let's hear a debt-free scream three two one We're debt free! Yeah! Love it! That's awesome. That's how it's done. Really cool. Why I come down here.

You and me, we're an answer to prayer. How about that? How about that? I like it.... ...... Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Debbie is in Boise, Idaho. Hi, Debbie. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you for taking my call.

Sure, what's up? I've got a few questions. Well, one is, I've tried your program for probably five or six years now, trying to get my husband on board. I can't get him to look at a budget or even sit down and look at the bills. He's a spender. He's the free spirit and I'm the nerd. So that's the first thing. So I've done things like refinance the house, paid off, saved money and paid off credit cards and gotten rid of them all except for a couple and then he's created more um so i feel like i'm just going backwards how old is how old is he

he's going to be 60 and i'm 55 how long y'all been married 24 years you know i honestly expected you to say he was 26, because he's acting like a child. Well, I know, and it's almost caused a divorce at one point. I can imagine. He came home with a $50,000 boat that he didn't consult with me. A $50,000 boat that he did not consult you on? Yep, he paid for it with our credit. Everything's credit.

And what's concerning me is he's self-employed, and his income, he's not as physical as he used to be, so our income is decreasing. So I'm stressed trying to get rid of the bills because I know we're getting older, and I'm just not able to get rid of the bills because I know we're getting older and I'm just not able to get rid of them when I turn around and create another card. I'll pay one off and he'll create another. Debbie, this is not a money problem.

This is a marriage problem, a big marriage problem. The fact that he's not consulting with you, to you considering what's important to you this is he does not value you by his actions right now and that is a major problem yeah this is not just about you're trying to pay off bills go ahead at this point honey you can't dig out the whole i mean you can't fill up the hole faster and he can dig it out. No. Uh-uh. Yeah.

And it doesn't matter how quick you pay it off if he continues to do this. And the level of disrespect you must feel when he does. It's not, again, it's not just about the spending, man. God, the level of disrespect that he's showing you. I've even gone so far as to not pay some bills so that he couldn't get more credit on certain bills because I was trying to pay off other bills. You're working real hard not to address the real issue, aren't you? Yeah, I guess so.

Okay. Do you guys happen to attend a church? I'm trying to, but I can't get him on board with that either. Yeah, okay. So here's what you need to do, Han. Okay, this is a lot more than Christy and I can fix in a radio call. This is 24 years of misbehavior. And your husband, I'm his age.

He's misbehaving if one of my friends was treating his wife this way i would be up in his grill if one of my closest buddies and i got i got about 10 or 15 guys i run with pretty tight and if one of those guys was acting the reason i run tight with them is they don't treat their wives this way. And I can tell you this. If I treated Sharon Ramsey this way, I'd have to be dealing with one mad hillbilly woman after about the first round. It wouldn't have lasted 24 years. It lasted 24 minutes.

Right. And I've tried things, you know. Do you work, Debbie? I do. Matter of fact, I'm, well, he's self-employed, and I'm self-employed realtor. We just sold our business of 12 years and moved to a different state and sold our house that was worth more and bought to reduce that. Okay, let me cycle back. The reason I was asking if you were in church was not a spiritual statement. I'm trying to find somewhere you can get community to get somebody to talk with him.

So what you need to do is you need to find a good faith-based marriage counselor as soon as possible. You're 20 years late coming to that meeting. He's not going to do that either but you go anyway because you need someone long form not a radio answer to begin to help you formulate conversations with him because you're either going to live a miserable broke stress-filled life for the next 24 years or you're going to force his hand on this, he's going to change or it's going to end. One of the two things is going to happen here.

And the problem is you're really late, and it's going to be very hard to get him to hear because he's never had to hear. You've cried wolf so many times. You've dug him out so many times. I don't know if he's going to hear it've cried wolf so many times you've dug him out so many times i don't know if he's going to hear it or not but you need to get someone to teach you how crazy you're being treated this is cray cray it's wrong yeah no and the reason i asked if she worked because i thought well let me dig into this is there it does he think because he makes the money no that he can

do whatever it doesn't it doesn't matter why, but you have to address the real issue. This is not just a financial issue. This is a lack of respect. This is a lack of value. This is a lack of communication. Y'all are not a marriage. You're not a partnership. The things that make a marriage, y'all don't have.

Trust, communication, mutual respect. You don't have those things. You may have a marriage certificate mutual respect you don't have those things you may have a marriage certificate but you don't have those things and so a counselor can help you figure out what this looks like for you what actions you can take begin to speak to him in a way that maybe he can hear you for the first time and give your marriage a shot because this is not going in a good direction hun um. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry you're dealing with it. It honestly makes me mad. There is not a financial technique in the world that will fix this situation.

Not one. Andreas is with us in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Hey, Andreas, how are you? I'm doing well. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? I was looking for some career advice.

Right now I'm a livestock manager on a ranch, and I've come across an opportunity to move to a different position on a different outfit. It's a lesser paying job with a lesser title, but a better culture, and I believe it would bring me a better home life. I have a three-year-old boy, and I'm engaged to get married. And I'm just wondering what your thoughts were on that. How much less? Well, right now I make $36,000 in a salary, and then I usually get about $9,000 in tips and bonuses.

And this new job would pay $28,800 in salary. But they offer a 10% match on the 401K and health insurance for the whole family. Okay. And what is the thing that's better for your 3-year-old, the health insurance? No, right now my fiancée, she travels back and forth two and a half hours every week, so she spends three days two and a half hours away, her and my son. So you wouldn't be separated from your family? Correct.

Okay. All right. That's a good start. And you get married, and she makes what? She makes right around $20,000. Okay. So you're going to have a $46,000, $48,000 household income. And I think that's a good step one.

I would take it. But I wouldn't want you to be doing that 10 years from now right we need a path for growth yes sir yes sir in your income and in your career yes sir yes maybe something self-employed yeah and even for your own sense of dignity and pride of the fact that you're making progress so you don't feel like you've taken a step backwards and you've stayed there. You've taken a step backwards so that you can take a step forward. So just don't look at this as like we've arrived at this.

This is a strategic move because of the reasons you've outlined, but you're going to continue to work on making more, figuring out what that path looks like. What's the wedding date, Andres? I'm sorry? What's your wedding date? We don't have one yet. You do now, as soon as you move. Okay. Marry this girl.

You had a baby with her, marry her, start your life. You want to get your family all together? Let's get everything right there at home, and then that sets you up for both of you to succeed going into the future. Christy, good hour. Good hour, James and Kelly. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys.

This is James, senior producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com.