The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Doesn't Want To Talk About Money (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today, author of the number one bestselling book, Debt Free Degree, How to Send Your Kiddo to School Debt Free, or if you're a kiddo, How You Go to School Completely Debt Free. No reason to participate in this student loan nightmare that is in America right now. Why would you sign up for that trip? Anthony can help you not do that.

We're here to talk to you about your life and your money. The call is free. Some say it's can help you not do that. We're here to talk to you about your life and your money. The call is free. Some say it's worth what you pay for it. The phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Jonathan's in Charleston, South Carolina, starting off the hour. Hey, Jonathan, how are you? Good, Dave.

How are you and Anthony? Better than we deserve, sir. How can we help? Long story short, military, we're about to relocate from South Carolina to Connecticut. The housing market is very expensive up there, so we're fortunate enough to where we're selling here in Charleston, and we hopefully should make over $100,000 on our home here. And when we go to Connecticut, based off the market up there, we thought it'd be a wise decision just to go to base housing. That way, when I retire in three years, I don't have to worry about selling and I can pocket a lot of cash. My question is, for the next three years,

what should I do with this large amount of money that I'm about to cash out of my home here? And if we know where we want to end up at the end of my military career, is it wise to go ahead and purchase land if we could pay cash for that and sit on it until we're ready to build a home in three years when I retire? Well, thank you for your service. Yeah, absolutely. Let me ask you this question. Do you know for sure, for sure where you want to be settled at? I do. My wife is retired military already, and then, like I said, after years left,

and we want to end up somewhere around Asheville or Knoxville somewhere in the eastern part of Tennessee. Why? I'm originally from Memphis and close enough to family but far enough away, and just we love Tennessee. We'll be at a point in both of our careers that we will have our military pension. So we'll be at the point in our lives to where we get to do what we want. So the job, it's a factor, but it's not a huge factor because I believe I can find something wherever we end up.

And that's three years down the road, right? Yeah. Yeah. Correct. Andave may have something different on this one but for me i'm fearful about making a three-year decision especially when it comes to dirt you know i'm just not because a lot can change and a lot can happen within a matter of three years i'm not a fan of you uh purchasing that now i will be says a guy who's owned four different pieces of real

estate in the past two years exactly but see that's why because it's like you live in a tent i might be moving again yeah probably it's like a thing yeah i don't i think he's right though i i think what i would do is i'd want to settle into an area and make sure i landed my career there yeah um and you know i obviously you love the mountains and appalachian mountains in east tennessee that's where i was born as it's uh what causes my blood to pump so i love the area i'm with you on beautiful i'm with your general concept ashville is a considerably different city than Knoxville. Like way different. Absolutely.

Yeah. One is a conservative college town and one is a hipster craft beer town. Yes. And so just way different politics, way different vibe, way different everything. The only thing they have in common is the market and a state line near both of them. But both wonderful towns. It's just a matter of where you want to be so i think you settle in then and so where do you park it in the meantime uh you get you got two choices you can take zero risk and make almost no money sticking it in a money market or you can take a little risk

and drop it into something like a no load uh s&p 500 that's where i park money on the short term but i'm willing to take the risk that that hundred thousand might go down to 95 000 if you do that it might go up to 115 000 that's why you take the risk you know but it might go down to 95 during that three years it's possible i mean uh but a three-year period and just no commission on it so you're not you don't have to make that up over the long haul. I don't mind paying commission on funds. My funds in my 401K are commissioned funds, but they're in there for the long haul. Where you're just sitting on it three years like that, just a no load, meaning no commission.

Or you could put $50,000 in that and $50,000 in the bank, and that would limit your risk a little bit more, kind of take a middle ground. That's the Goldilocks approach, just right. But the one's hot and one's cold, and, you know, so anywhere in there. But I think Anthony's giving you really good wisdom there. And again, thank you for your service. But when you come out of the military, you're going to have a lot of changes. I mean, you've had a very structured, obviously, life for 20 years. Your wife has as well up until her retirement. And you're going to land and you don't have to do anything because

you've got two great sets of retirement, but you're likely going to want to do something that gives your life meaning in your career. And I'd want to settle all of that. Yeah. And then buy the land. Yeah. Get to know the area well enough before you buy the land, too. It doesn't hurt to rent in an area that you don't know anything about for a year. And right now is a really hard time to buy real estate. So sneaking up on a deal right now is dead gum near impossible. Jim's in Atlanta, Georgia. Hey, Jim, welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Hey, how are you doing, Dave? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I'm working on my debt snowball. I'm down to my last three debts. And my lowest debt is a credit card. My second lowest debt is a 401k loan. And my last debt is a car.

Lowest debt. I'm wondering if I cheat my lowest balance debt. Yeah, your largest amount. My largest amount is the car, correct. Okay, so you're down to your two largest debts. Last three. Okay, all right. I'm just making sure I understood what you were saying.

The middle debt is a 401k loan. I misunderstood. Okay, good. Yep. So my job could be changing they're shutting down a facility which means i would either have to find another job or i'd be pushed into a relocation so i'm wondering if in my case i should just attack that 401k loan and get it just done what's the balance i can be agile um it's about $9,200.

What do you make? About $112,000 base, and I usually do... How much have you paid off so far and over what period of time? For total, I've paid off about $23,000 total on all other debts. How long did that take? I'm sorry? How long did that take? It's been about five months. Okay, so in five months you'll be done.

Because you only got 20 grand left. Well, a lot of that was tax refund and taking savings and dumping into it. Right now my burn rate's about $2,000 a month. Out of $100,000? Yeah. Yeah, you need to cut some lifestyle down, dude. Yeah, bro.

Yeah. You're bringing in $8,000 a month. How in the world are you only seeing $2,000? Yeah, you need a little bit more help. No more eating out for you, Jimbo. Yeah. Yeah, you need to dial it back, son, and get this knocked out. And the faster you knock it out, the less this question matters.

And the higher the probability you're going to get laid off, the more the question matters. So if you've got an 80% chance of getting laid off, yeah, maybe you do knock it out. But if you're going to knock it all out in three or four months anyway, it doesn't matter much. Does that make sense? Makes sense. This is The Ramsey Show. As we continue to face challenging times, I hear that a lot of you have been calling Zander Insurance

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Be sure and listen to The Table with Anthony O'Neill. Lots of cool people come to that table and get all kinds of information. Lots of other stuff going on. Yeah, lots of other stuff, Dave. And we're going to get you on the table one day. We just got to get you cool first. But until the meantime, until the meantime. You got to get to the uphill battle.

It's an uphill battle. It's going to be a long way. But, you know, until the meantime, Dave, there was one point in my life I was not cool. I remember being 19 years old, and I was in tons of debt, taking on and taking out student loans in college. And that was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life. And I took out student loans, Dave, when my father actually had the GI Bill, and I had a partial scholarship, and I didn't even need them. And so I made some horrible decisions that kind of wrecked my financial future. What'd you buy with that?

You didn't buy tuition with it because you didn't need to. No, no, no, I didn't. Like a car stereo or something? Yeah, I bought a car stereo. I bought the spinner wheels. Oh, yeah. You remember those? The wheels, when you stop, they kept spinning. That's because you're cool.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. That was a very unwise decision. But you know what? Here's the truth. I've destroyed these student loans, got my life together. But, you know, Dave, one of the missions that I'm on is to really help young people avoid the mistakes that I've made, help parents help their young people avoid the mistakes that I've made. And we've all made because we've all made some financial mistakes. And that's why I have the perfect graduation gift, america for you to give your high school grad our team here recently redesigned

uh rachel and i's book the graduate survival good that's not survival good the graduate survival guide and look at it i mean it's fire he got blue the the new look is good. You see it right there on the screen. It really does match my shirt. They knew that blue was my favorite color. And check this out. It's only $10, Dave. Now, I was going to talk to you about this offline because it's normally $20, but they said that you wanted it $10. And so I'll go with the boss. But this is a great deal.

Well, it's graduation season. I get it. All these people, you want to charge these poor little broke graduates too much money hey man i'm trying to save money so my kids can go to but you're right david we want to help them out we want to help them out so for a limited time yeah ten dollars a great deal so if you want to get this gift today for any high school graduate. It's good for them. Text the word GRAD, G-R-A-D, to 33789. Again, that's GRAD to 33789, and get this game-changing book for only $10

before the prices go back up to $20, because I'm rooting for it to go back up. But right now, let's take advantage of this giving season. There you go. Well, buy a case of them, because you're going to get like 9,000 of those college or high school graduation invitations, and you need to send them something that matters yeah so instead of some stupid little thing that yeah that we all got you know remember that

absolutely i don't even remember it that's how stupid okay open phones at 888-825-5225 sebastian's up next in atlanta hi seb. How are you? Hey there, Dave. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? So I have a quick question for you, just a little background. I'm a recent college grad working in engineering. Recently just landed a job with a Fortune 100 company here local to me that I plan to have my full career with.

I live in the mountains of North Georgia. My wife and I just bought our first home and hopefully our last. We've got some property and we plan to settle there and make a life for ourselves. But I have $17,000 in student loans and I am looking to pay those off

hopefully here within the next six months. Now, my company has just told me that they are going to cover all of my tuition to go back to school for a promotion to a senior engineering position. My question to you is, should I re-enroll before or after I pay off those student loans? I'm sorry, they're paying for it. Yeah, right? Right.

Doesn't matter. Doesn't cost you anything. Right. Right. Now, how much Yeah. Doesn't cost you anything. Right. Right. Now, how much are you making there, Sebastian? Right now, I'm making about $45,000. Okay. And what other loans outside of your student loans do you have?

What other kind of debt? I have no debt other than a home mortgage that I share with my wife, obviously. All of our cars are paid off. I pay for school out of pocket myself, working full-time in college. So it took me a little bit longer, but I graduated with as little debt as I possibly could. Good for you. And I don't have any credit cards or anything like that. Is this 45K home income or is it just your income? Just mine. What does your wife make? Actually, the exact same. 45. So you are doing about $90,000.

Yes. And then does she have any debt? No debt. Okay, great. So, yeah, man, I'm attacking these. You'll be debt-free if y'all live below your means in three to four months. That's what he said. Yeah, it'll be done in six months.

So I don't understand why it matters when you register for school since school's not costing anything. Yeah. Well, our loan forbearance, as far as interest goes, ends in November. it matters when you register for school since school's not costing anything yeah well our uh our loan forbearance as far as interest goes uh ends in november so my goal was to attack that and get that done in six months but um the tuition program is a reimbursement program so 100 of that tuition will be reimbursed oh they're not paying for it until you pay for it. Correct. So there's the pinch. Okay.

So what's it cost? It's looking like it will probably be somewhere around $6,000 a year. And what's the first semester? You only need one semester. So $3,000. Right. First semester will probably be around $3,000 to $4,000. Okay.

So let's do this, all right? 17 and 3 is 20. 20 you make 90 i don't know why you can't do both right okay are you on the budget right now sebastian honestly we are we're actually budgeting pretty aggressively um i just started this job actually three months ago okay um and so we're we're budgeting as if we're starting from ground zero um starting as if when you if when you crunch the numbers and you're an engineer so you're good with numbers if when you crunch the numbers you have to choose then wait a little bit on starting the classes yeah let's get the student loan my one other option was wait until the spring semester we enroll in the spring semester that's what i, and start Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's cool.

That's what I'm saying. But I really think that it's only $3,000. That's the only pinch. Right. And that primes the pump, and then they give you three back, and you need that three to pay the next. And then they give you that back, and you need that three to pay the next. And so once you got the first three in, it rolls from there on the reimbursement program,

because assuming they reimburse reasonably quick. Yeah. I hear a little bit of stress in your voice, man. What's your mortgage payment, Sebastian? I just put him on hold. Oh, you just put him on hold? Okay. He's gone.

But anyway, but I think the bottom line is that that may be it. You may be on to something there, but yeah, let's put actual numbers to the problem and not discuss the problem in theory. When you put actual numbers to, math numbers to these problems, then you really find out if you have a challenge or not. And sometimes that helps me because then I don't have to think about the theory. But overall, if I have to think about the theory but overall if i have to choose i'm going to be debt free before i go back and start cash flowing something i would in this situation yeah in this situation i was going to stretch him day to go get that done in three months i mean it's about five six grand a month to get it done but i see now he has to pay

for it out of pocket yeah and plus his other bills yeah so. So I'm trying to see. But he could, by the time he, you know, if you put up the first three in September and that gets him going and it's still November before he gets the student loans paid off or December before he gets them paid off, that's good. That's okay. Yep. That's not a problem for me because you're still crunching all the way through it. So anywhere in something like that. But the point being that the actual numbers are

not that, the extra $3,000 is not what's killing the deal here. All right, Robert's with us in Jacksonville, Florida. Hey, Robert, how are you? I'm doing well, and how about yourself? Better than I deserve, sir. How can we help? Wonderful. Thank you for taking my call. I'm in a little bit of a situation. I don't know what to do. I have some debt myself, my home, and no other debts. My father recently passed away. I'm sorry. And I inherited a home in another state.

How old was he? It's a very emotional thing. 62. Whoa. Due to COVID-related things. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's not great. And I just had a child three months before he passed.

Three months after he passed, excuse me. So I'm trying to figure out what to do with his home and also his car. And I have no debt personally except for my mortgage. There is a mortgage on his home. I'll tell you what, I want to give you a good solid answer on this commercial sneaking up on me. And this is an emotional time. So you hang on for a second. We come back from this break. We'll make sure we give you a good long answer. Thanks for hanging out with us. Thank you. This is the Ramsey Show. Anthony O'Neill, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. We're talking with Robert in Jacksonville, Florida. Just had a new baby, and sadly, his 62-year-old dad passed recently from COVID complications.

He inherited some property in another state, and that's about how far we got in the discussion. Again, Robert, so sorry for your loss. What a horrible thing to go through. Thank you. How old are you? Yes, sir. 32. Okay.

And what did you inherit, and what's your question? So I have the house now. There's a mortgage on it. I would say I could probably sell it for about $450,000, and there's a $217,000 mortgage on it. Where is it? Which I'm maintaining. New York.

And you're in Jacksonville, Florida? Yes, sir. Okay. My house here is, I owe about $98,000. House across the street, same house, just sold for about $260,000. And I'm going to need to upgrade soon because of the baby. And we're going to try to have another one soon. I have no debt, like I said. I have a comfortable savings and I have a pretty good

income. I just don't know if I should turn the house in New York, maybe into a rental or if I should sell it because the market is going so well. Um, and also I'm not sure if I should buy a house now cause I want to upgrade a bit cause I have a new child and we're going to have another one. I only have a two bedroom house right now. So I need to upgrade a bit. Um, so I'm, and I know that a lot of stuff is overvalued also right now, you know, so they say, so I don't really know what to do, honestly. So Robert, let me, let me first say, man, again, we are, uh, Dave and I both are just extremely apologetic and sorry for your loss. And we're praying for you and your family to be sensitive to the subject with this. I think your father will want you to be wise.

I think your father will want you to not have any stress having a baby living out of the state of New York. And I think you should focus first on your family. So with that being said, I think you should sell the property. So that way you can focus solely on you and your family, having a family there, a young family and trying to manage a rental property way over in New York. If that's going to add on more stress to you as a father and to your family. And I would say just get a very good realtor out there.

Go through one of our programs to help you find one, to help you get the best bang for your buck. And in this market, you probably can get a little bit more than what it's worth. And quickly. And then take that money and bring it over to you and your family. But I don't want you to be living in Jacksonville, preparing for you and your future, your family's future, and then also stressing about a home in New York. Yeah.

And here's how we know that that's good advice. Okay? The house in New York is going to yield you a couple hundred thousand dollars after it's sold, after the mortgage is paid, right? Yes, sir. So if you call me up and said, I have $200 thousand dollars sitting in the middle of my kitchen table i'm thinking about going to new york to buy a rental property

you would have never done that that wouldn't come up exactly right that wouldn't come up and so um you know the only thing that's it's just so emotional because it was your dad's place and you're trying to think and the real estate market's whacked right now, so you're trying to figure out how to best do all that. So if I'm in your shoes, dude, I'm going to cry some. I'm going to go up there and find some items that he had that will remind you of him. Like I've got my great-great-grandfather's Bible. You know, I want that kind of stuff, right? But I don't care about the house.

Houses aren't keepsakes and so um yeah and i would liquidate the car the house whatever other miscellaneous things and let's bring the cash to florida and let that be your dad's legacy that he basically buys his grandkids next house right and there's no rush to buy the next house right you just had the baby i mean so there's not another one here the next house. Right. You just had the baby. I mean, so there's not another one here yet. And so if it takes you a year or a year and a half to get around to making that next purchase and getting yours sold, you can delay that decision.

But I don't see any reason to delay the one in New York, even though it's fully laced in emotion. Tori is with us in Salina, Kansas. Hi, Tori. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hello, sir. How are you doing today? Better than we deserve. What's up in your world?

Excellent. Well, so two times in the last probably three years, I feel like God has been nudging me to become a nurse. The idea of, wow, I should be a nurse, I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing, has hit me just out of the blue. And it hit me most recently at a funeral I was at. So, and then a little bit of backstory. The company that I work for, I'm actually one of the owners, I'm a shareholder, all that kind of stuff. We do home care, and they have graciously said that they will pay for me to go through nursing school because one of the owners, who is, you know, our company, RN, is older

than I am and going to retire, you know, at some point. So the thought is that I would just take their place when they retire. I'm calling because I'm very new in my Christian walk, and I have respected you for years and, you know, being very God-led. And so I'm wondering, you know, what I should do. How old are you? You know, the finance, I should do. How old are you? The finance, I'm 33. Excellent. That's a great question.

Thank you for honoring us with that question that's sensitive. Anthony? Yeah. You know, Tori, I think one of the things that I hear from you is, let me ask this question real quickly. Why do you think God is calling? Like, why are you so passionate about it? Why do you think God is telling you this is what you need to do other than what you may think?

Yeah. So the first time that it hit me and it was just it was just like a mental thing. Like, what are you doing with your life? You're supposed to be a nurse. It was driving on my way to work at a past job. And I saw a lady in scrubs walking down the street. And then, you know, I didn't really think much of it beyond that, because it didn't really apply to me then. But the one that happened most recently, I was, you know, at this amazing woman's funeral. She was

actually a client of ours. And, you know, I was there for support for family, of course, and also for our caregivers. And again, you know, no nursing really related. And it just hit me as I was getting a little bit emotional about her granddaughter's actually speech at her funeral. And I was like, what am I doing with my life? Like, this isn't what I've been called to do. First and foremost, there's not a perfect system. Yeah. You know, and I've been walking with God a long time,

and sometimes I find out it was last night's pizza talking to me, not the Holy Spirit. So you just don't always know for sure until you look back, right? And you look back and you go, well, that was not God. It's a disaster back there, and he doesn't sign us up for those. Or that was God. So I use three or four things. One is you need to have a peace. When you start talking about this, does your soul relax?

The peace that surpasses all understanding, the Bible calls it. Or do you feel angst? If you feel angst, it's probably not God. The second thing I look for is circumstantial things, because God will align things. He runs everything. He's there five years from now. He's there five years ago, and he's here now at the same time. He's not bound by time.

And so he's lining things up, and you've got some circumstantial things lining up here that make a lot of sense. And the third thing I ask myself is, what is this thing I'm hearing, does it align with Scripture? For instance, I believe, in my study of the Bible for 40 years, that the Bible does not say debt is a good idea. And so if I've got to go into debt to do it, I'm thinking that's not God, because it doesn't align with Scripture.

Right. Or if it involves you doing something else that's more blatantly even against Scripture. Obviously, being a nurse, a caregiver, would be a very godly thing to do. It's a wonderful thing to do. So if those three things are lined up, the only other thing I heard, which is beautiful, I know that visiting brand new babies when they're born and going to funerals, these are the tuning forks of life. This is when you stop your everyday grind and you're looking at a casket or you're

looking at a brand new baby and you get retuned to the Lord. Retuned to where God's taking you. It's a tuning fork. It sets you back in place. And so the fact that goes down to funeral home kind of gives me inspiration, too. I think it's him, but I could be wrong. We're just talking it through together. You don't have to get too spooky about it. You can just go be a nurse.

This is The Ramsey of Personality is my co-host today. Hey, you want to add anything to that how to hear God's voice discussion? Because you pastored young people. You were a youth pastor for many years. Yeah. I'd be interested to hear your further take on that. We got pinched by that commercial a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Dave, I think you was hitting it right on. I think one of the things that you said that resonates with me so well is when I know I hear from God, at least 90% of it, is when I can align what I hear with God's word. And what I've learned is God is really never silent. We're just not listening. And when we're not listening, it's because we're not really in the word. We're not really studying and getting connected and getting closer to him. So for me, I tend to say that was God when it's in my emotions, when I wasn't really reading. But when I'm reading, when I'm listening, God is talking.

And when he's silent that's still god talking and so for me when you said it has to align with the word of god that resonated with me so much because if i say that i hear something i'm hearing it through the word and that's that's that resonated for me dave yeah my counsel would be don't move on a singular spiritual event. Right. There should be more than, there should be confirmation in your spirit, confirmation in circumstances. But I had a dream, and I woke up that morning, and I'm going to go do it.

No. No. That's a dream. Well, it could be God. Right. But if it is, there's going to be more evidence than just that. Yes. Over a period of weeks or months or years. Yeah.

And it may be a timing thing. Yeah. You know? going to be more evidence than just that yes over a period of weeks or months or years yeah and it may be a timing thing yeah you know and so uh you know you you singular events uh can you're more likely to make a mistake and miss whether it's really him or not off of a singular event but if you can get more than one data point as you're walking through that, then, you know, like you said, another data point is it aligns with the Word of God. Another data point is this circumstantial thing lined up. And then another time I'm driving down the street and there's a lady in scrubs and I hear this voice again saying this in my mind. And then, you know, I get that.

But I don't come in here after my prayer time and in 30 years, maybe two times and say, God told me something this morning. We're going to do this. Oh, man. We just say, you know, OK, I'm going to just pause right here and make sure that's not last night's pizza. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I believe from our spiritual belief. I mean, if God says this is what he wants you to do, he's going to also give you the resources to do it. And he did. He gave them the pay. They're paying for us to be a nurse. That was awesome. So that's what I was like.

That was another big confirmation right there, yeah. Yeah. Like, hey, that could be. It sounds like God. An old preacher said the definition of prosperity is having the money to do what God says to do. Yep. And if that's a big thing, it gives you all that. If it's a little thing, it'll give you that.

Yeah. That's a sure sign. Yeah. That's a big thing, it gives you all that. If it's a little thing, it'll give you that. Yeah. That's a sure sign. That's a great discussion, you guys. In a world gone crazy, we need to talk about stuff like this more, and it'll calm some of you people down. Some of you people are out of control out there. Oh, my gosh. Get off social media until you grow up.

Well, that just means you won't. Okay. Anyway, see, there it is. All right, Ashley's in Tampa, Florida. Hey, Ashley, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you. What's up? So I have a question that's at the intersection of marriage, kids, and finances. I have considered divorce and there's a couple different factors for that. A big one

is finances. Since we've been married, we have been in debt. I don't know if he was in debt before I married him, but I was in debt. I wasn't, well, I had a small student loan that I took care of within the first few years of our marriage. Anyway, we got to about $140,000 of debt, mostly on credit cards. And a lot of different factors went into that. But there was a point I was just stressing me out so much. And, you know, I did all the 0% refinancing and all that. And anyway, so a few years ago, I was... I'm sorry, honey.

I hate to cut you off, but you're going to tell us what you need. Yeah. How can we help? So, I'm considering divorce, and I guess I wanted to get your perspective on the best timing for that. There's not good timing for that. That's a horrible thing to have to go through, darling. So, and it's due to disagreements over money? And kids.

And kids. What do you mean about kids? Having them or how to treat them or what? Yeah, I guess bringing them up. I'm sorry. I didn't know I was going to get emotional. It's okay. It's fair.

It's an emotional thing. Yeah. And how old are your babies? Uh, 14, 12, and 4. Okay. And so what is he doing about money that makes you want to end this? So, as I said, I had started listening to you a few years ago, and so I put together a budget, and I've been just really hammering on the debt. I've got it down to about $60,000 without the mortgage. Where is he? Why is he not helping?

I have asked him to help. I have had several conversations with him. Why is he not helping? He is unwilling. Why? Did you make all the debt by yourself? No, it's been with the family. I think I'm a big factor. Maybe that's what I haven't considered that.

But, no, it's just different things. He never said why he won't help no he wants me to handle it and then be involved once the debt is handled why why it's not logical he's not giving a reason he's just yeah that was the conversation how i ended up is that i'll handle the debt and then when it's done then we'll talk and make plans and stuff okay um well obviously that's not a good plan uh And is that reason enough to end a marriage? No. But is it enough to be upset about?

Yes. And is it an unreasonable process? Yes. So what I would tell you is this. I think you need someone to guide you through this relationship before you just slap your hand on the table and say, that's it, I'm done. And maybe can guide you through some tools conversationally to try to draw you guys back together and to work together.

And so what you need is a good marriage counseling. My guess is Mr. I'm not involved doesn't want to go to marriage counseling either, but you can go without him but you can go without him and talk to a marriage counselor who can hear your whole story long form and who can inject better wisdom than we can hear in a five minute radio call because i'm definitely not going to tell somebody unless there's domestic violence involved unless you're getting beat that your marriage is over on the radio. That would be very unwise of me and very unwise of you to listen to me if I did do that. But if there's something other than that, you've got some work to do

before you throw down the ultimatum gauntlet. And sit down with your pastor, sit down with a marriage counselor, someone to guide you through to where you can say, okay, I can't stay anymore after you've learned how to do this not from me but i can't stay anymore unless you're willing to do this with the kids and this with the money yeah and whatever this is and you fill in those blanks and uh but you've got you've got 15 or 20 years invested in this process with a 13 year old. And so, you know, you want to be very, very wise and very systematic in how you walk through this. That way you won't it won't be on you.

Yeah. And I can hear the stress in her voice, Dave. And I want to encourage everyone who's married out there. And if you relate, you can relate to her. Listen to Dave advice. I mean, seek marriage counseling, even if it's by yourself. I can't speak to much of it because I'm not married and I've never been in that situation. But we do know that the number one reason for divorces are finances. And so, uh, but we could do better at just getting the counsel, getting the wisdom before

we run. Yeah. So, I mean, you'd want to draw out why he won't get involved and see if we can solve that. Yeah. So the other thing we'll do is put you guys into Ramsey Plus and to Financial Feature University. Again, I don't know if he'll go, but we can help you through the process. And hold on, Kelly will pick up and we'll definitely give you that as a tool, hopefully, to save your marriage. This is The Ramsey Show.

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