The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Hid $200K in Debt!

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

John Delony & Ken Coleman discuss: A husband that hid $200k from his wife, A great job opportunity...that means moving to Alaska, Moving to be near family, Taking out student loans. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

I'm out. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions in Nashville, Tennessee, this is the Ramsey Show, where America hangs out and has a conversation about your money, your relationships, your work, pretty much anything and everything. 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined here by Ken Coleman, and we're taking your calls on life. So give us a shout, 888-825-5225. Let's go to Ella in Los Angeles, California. What's up, Ella? Hi there.

How we doing? Not too good, to be 100% honest. Oh, thank you so much for being honest. What's up? So my husband and I have been married for four years, and he has a son from a previous marriage, and it's a really bad divorce. My stepson's almost 10, and they're still in a custody battle,

and I found out that my husband, well, we lived out of state and we moved three years ago to be closer to his son. And that was a horrible decision because we don't have any family. But my husband has racked up about $200,000 in debt to his attorney. And he's on a payment plan of $12,000 a month. Oh. All a surprise. I had no idea. I knew something was up so i went into

his email which i shouldn't have done and i saw the bill and i like i felt like i was going to be sick and i told him this morning i wanted a divorce i mean we've just been fighting all the time over this for the past three years while he's been fighting for custody. And he told me that he's not going to stop until he gets full custody. And I had no idea he was filing for full custody. And I don't want full custody of his son because I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I would have to be the one to deal with him. And he has some developmental issues. I don't know if I'm allowed to say what they are, but he has a lot of behavioral problems.

And I can't take that on, and I don't know what to do. I just feel like crying almost. First one, yes. That's the appropriate response. You're in the middle of a hurricane right now. It's a lot. Crying is a smart, good, healthy thing to do right now. You've got a lot that you just put out there. What can we help you with today? Well, I'm almost to the point where I want to just, you know, I mean, it's really hard to do the debt snowball when he keeps,

I mean, this attorney is like 600 an hour. It's some high-profile attorney in like Santa Monica. I don't know how he would do the debt snowball when he keeps adding more money, and I also don't want to pay for this because I feel like as a spouse he should have come to me and said, hey, I'm thinking about getting full custody, what do you think? So listen, we call it financial infidelity here.

We call it betrayal everywhere. We call it dishonesty. We call it lying, whatever words you want to call it financial infidelity here. We call it betrayal everywhere. We call it dishonesty. We call it lying. Whatever words you want to call it. But your guts all over your kitchen floor, that feeling is correct. Part of you was stolen. Part of your relationship was stolen from you. And if I'm him, I don't get the betrayal part.

I don't get the dishonesty part. I get the I'll go to the ends of the earth for my son. I get that. But that's a conversation you have with your wife, right? Especially to the tune of $200,000. And just, I mean, it's illogical. You can't pay that. And so your feelings are justified and good.

What I don't want you doing in the midst of this pain is making lobbing grenades back. That doesn't help anybody. I'd love for you to get with some people in your life that you can circle up with and can help you walk through this piece by piece because there's lots of pieces. This isn't the moment for baby steps. This is the moment for your marriages. I mean, you basically told him this morning you want a divorce, and I understand why you would say that. There's no judgment here, but did you mean it, or did you just throw that out there? Well, I mean, honestly, these past three years, I've probably threatened divorce.

Honestly, it's like every other week I'm threatening divorce. So, Ella, let's stop that. Let's stop that. Okay. Let's don't threaten divorce anymore. Either I've reached the end of what I'm going to tolerate when it comes to the deception and getting dragged through the mud and you living a dual life and your dishonesty, all that.

I'm done with that. Or I'm all in on this, but we have to be all in on this together. You got one or two options. Threatening divorce. Yeah. I mean, it's just a weak, childish play. Don't do that. Don't weaponize relationships and make that, say I'm in or I'm out.

And then once you say I'm out, then it becomes a business transaction. And then we're going to go down that road together. Ella, John's right. We certainly can help anybody get out of debt, but you guys aren't even, we got to reconcile some huge issues here. And one is he's not going to stop fighting for a son at least that's his position up to this point right so we've got to get clear on that because you're going i don't want to parent this kid at the house forget the money piece yeah the money piece is exorbitant and it's probably going to keep growing so john's absolutely right this is a relationship

call right now because then we decide what do we do with the money i'm just curious how much money does he make well he's a real well he's in the army reserves um and he's a real estate agent so these last two years has been really really good money but he's only sold one house this month because of everything going up. So last year he made almost $400,000, and we have nothing to show for that. Right. Are you currently paying the $12,000 in the legal fees? Is he paying on that, or is that just racking up? He's paying with a credit card, so I think it's just racking up oh we have separate finances so

i don't i don't know and i'm a stay-at-home mom so he doesn't tell me financially i have no idea hey let me anything ella are you safe um like he's not um i'm sorry ella are you safe he's not physically abusive but it's like he doesn't, we have an age gap, and it's like he treats me like I'm his child. And all my family wants me to leave him. But I don't want to do that to my kids because I promised myself I wouldn't let my kids go through my childhood. But I'm 24 and he's 49, or almost 49. Okay.

So I am never, ever going to tell, if somebody's in the midst of unsafe abuse, I'm going to tell somebody to get out, okay? I'm not going to tell you to pull the trigger here. I don't know necessarily that I agree. I think that there's harder things going on in your home than you're saying out loud. Is that fair? Yes, that is. Okay. I want you to call somebody today. And if you've got family members who say, we love you and we're seeing something

that you're not seeing, what you're hanging onto is a picture of a fantasy that you created because you don't want your kids to experience what you did, which is beautiful and great and good. I'm glad you did that. The reality is your picture has changed. Full stop. Now the question is, are you going to hang on to that old picture and drown and bring them with you, or are you going to create something new? ASAP.

Most of us, when we're drowning, we cannot get out by ourselves. We need other people. You've got people around you saying, hey, we're going to help. Please lean on them. I agree. I would just say, We cannot get out by ourselves. We need other people. And you've got people around you saying, hey, we're going to help. We're going to help. We're going to help. Please lean on them. Okay. And I would just say, Ella, you cannot fix this marriage on your own. Absolutely.

Your husband is, you can't put that glass back together on your own. I think it's not a threat, but I think we've got to see if he wants this marriage. I can tell you right now, he doesn't. Right? He wants a daughter. And that's not you. It's time for you to reach out to your family and y'all start making a game plan of what comes next. And if you are being hurt, get

out. You're worth more. We'll be right back. for a lot of you last year was another year of just trying to survive. But you don't have to live like that. You can have confidence in your money and your future. So if you're tired of being stressed out all the time, you can decide to make a change. You can follow a plan that works. For almost 30 years, Financial Peace University has helped millions of people take control of their money. You'll learn our proven plan to save money, pay off debt, build wealth, and give generously.

Watch FPU on demand or get plugged into a class for encouragement and support from other people. You don't have to face another year of stress and worry. You can have confidence in your money. FPU is only available with a Ramsey Plus membership. Start for free by visiting ramseysolutions.com slash FPU. That's ramseysolutions.com slash FPU. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Christopher in Spokane, Washington. What's up, Christopher? Hey, a quick question. I guess I'm going to try to make it quick. So I'm a local truck driver and work at nighttime delivering pizzas, but I have an

opportunity to leave Washington state, go to Alaska, work for a summer. it's seasonal work probably be dropping my local truck driving job to go to alaska is it a fishing job uh no okay i had a buddy that did the cruise industry for the cruise industry yeah okay cool what's the what's the payoff if i go to alaska what happens so if i go to alaska i can pay off all my debt by october and have ten thousand dollars when i come home how old are you 34 are you married no no kids no kids but you were saying and we cut you off, but finish the sentence. I would be losing my health benefits and everything, and I would be pretty much jobless and homeless when I get done with it. Okay, first of all, that's a little dramatic.

Okay, Christopher, you scorched earth, and I'm going to be homeless, and no one will love me, and my grandma's going to take her socks back. Well, wait a second. You're going to be debt-free. You're going to have $10,000 going towards your emergency fund, which is baby step three. What is three to six months based on your current income? Current income? Yeah, what's three to six months expenses?

Probably $8,000 eight thousand okay wait a second so now we come back from alaska we have no debt we have a fully funded let's call it three months is that based on three months i'm guessing the eight thousand and i'd probably use that money you what i would use that money when i come back to get a whole no you would not no you're being melodramatic i'm going to show you how so stay with me in my narrative we'll get to your narrative if you don't like my narrative all right our pets are falling off come on yeah i mean man the sky is falling okay so listen you come back and you've got 8 000 in your emergency fund you got 2 000 left over so we know you're not going to be under a bridge starving.

You're going to at least have plenty of lifetime supply of ramen noodles for $2,000. Okay? So here's my point. You also are in a high-demand job as a truck driver, true or false? True. You also will have communication instruments, otherwise known as phone and email, while you're in Alaska, true or false? Or a pigeon in a small piece of paper.

Fair. I mean, for heaven's sakes, you've got to hire a dog to deliver a message. All right, so you can communicate back in your area and go, hey, it's possible that your current employer may need you back because you're not a jerk and you do a good job. Is that true or false? That could be true. All right, dude. Come on.

So what's the hang-up? Yeah. You sound like someone's forcing you to do this. No, I'm just wondering if it's worth doing because I'll be dropping where here I pay rent and everything else and food and everything, but in Alaska I won't be paying that. Right, so you're pocketing even more money. So if you don't go, how long until you pay your debt off?

That's the question. I would say 18 months. All right, then. So do you want to pay it off faster or in 18 months? Faster. Then go to Alaska and eat some great salmon. And then don't cut your arm off because you don't have any health insurance. Yeah, I mean, you're okay.

You could self-fund any health needs. You're on a cruise ship. What if I have a really bad gallbladder and I probably need to remove? Do you have a bad gallbladder or a history of gallbladder? Okay. Then maybe not having insurance is not the plan for you. So then don't do it. We're not telling you to be risky, but let's play this out

though. Are you talking with a doctor now? Are you in care right now to where they're going? It could, we may have to remove your gallbladder in the next year, two years. I mean, what, tell us what the doctors are telling you. They just told me that it could go, it could not go. If you eat healthy, then you could potentially have your same gallbladder or that gallbladder forever if you just eat healthy. Well, you could be talking about me right now, and I've not been diagnosed with any gallbladder issues, and I'm aware of knock on wood.

I mean, there's a hope it stays. But here's the deal. What would a gallbladder surgery cost you without insurance? Maybe $10,000. All right, then. So you start weighing, do I want to go to Alaska or not? I mean, the thing is that there's a small chance that that could happen, I guess. But at that point, you go, okay, well, could I afford it?

And you're also, Christopher, man, you're talking a few months to pay this off, right, as you say, October versus a year and a half. I think this is a different conversation if it's six years or eight months. Then I would tell you, dude, you roll the dice. You could live once. Right now, man, it's six months away, half a dozen another. I agree. If you're worried about the risk of the gallbladder stuff and being saddled with a $10,000 bill,

then don't do it. I would go. I personally would. I'd eat really good. I don't know, man. I may blow my gallbladder up on a cruise ship. Not me. No?

If I knew my gallbladder might blow up, I'm going to the Google and I'm going, what's the good gallbladder up on a cruise not me no if i knew my gallbladder might blow up i'm gonna go i'm going to the google and i'm going what's the good gallbladder but they have those cheesecake buffets well the buffets are an issue i agree my gallbladder wouldn't make it let's go to brendan in chicago what's up brendan hey can you hear me yes man. Of course, man. What's up? Hey, how's it going? Outstanding. How can we help? So I'm calling because I just have a, I guess, a full rounded question. I'm basically, so I'm about 30 years old, and I'm contemplating whether I need to rent more or finally settle down and buy a home. And then even furthermore, what state that home is in. I'm living in Chicago now. I'm from suburban Philadelphia, and basically I have some family

issues in Philadelphia and have a lucrative, well, what I think is lucrative job in Chicago, and I'm just wondering, do I buy a home outside of Philadelphia or do I stay in Chicago where I've been doing well? I've been in Chicago about eight years and I have a remote position now at a market research company. And I'm wondering, do I finally head home, be closer to my family or stay in Chicago and kind of be this shadow figure where I kind of help support my family remote. So that's what I'm weighing right now. So there's a lot to this question. We'll dig into a little bit here, but I'm going to hold you over the break because there's a lot we can pull from this call. Real quick, I think just to get out of the gate,

can you afford to buy a house right now? You have 10 to 20% down on a fully funded emergency fund. So right now I make 90 grand a year and I have about 32 grand in the bank. I got approved for a loan that would kind of land my mortgage around 1500, 1400 a, $1,400 a month. So here's the principles. And I'm renting a little above that. Okay, so that's a fallacy. I'm more concerned with if that $1,400, so that is below your 25% take-home pay. Do you have any other debt? No.

Okay, so you're debt-free, right? What's the lucrative position in Philadelphia going to pay you? No, he's lucrative in Chicago. It's not. Philadelphia is where he was born and raised. Sorry, I misunderstood. I apologize. So going back to Philadelphia, we'd have to try to find a job that pays you what you're making now.

Exactly. And one of the, you know, drivers of me staying in Chicago is I have this, maybe it's a fallacy, belief that marketing jobs are easier to find in Chicago versus Philadelphia. Yeah, that is a fallacy. years ago when I was struggling to find work. I went out, kind of got my life together, sobered up, found work, you know, got my life straightened out, and I'm doing well. All right, Brandon, hang on, hang on. I'm going to stop you right here, because you're going to come back, and we're going to put you on hold, and we're going to bring you back after the break.

And so remember where we stopped here. You got sober, you're doing well, and then there's a dot, dot, dot. We'll be right back. Okay, brother? Stay tuned, everybody. It's the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Ken Coleman. So we're going to go back to Chicago to speak to our friend Brendan. Brendan, you called to talk about potentially transitioning

from a new life you've created in Chicago where you're making great money, you're in a career you love, where you found sobriety, where you've created a new world over the last eight to ten years. And you're considering moving back to Philadelphia where your family lives,

where your home was. And so we've talked a little bit about the money. It sounds off the top of our heads, just doing off the top of our head math, that you can buy a house, you could afford a house. Here's my big question, brother. Why do you feel this pull to go back to Philadelphia? So I feel the pull because when I left, I was struggling, you know, I was drinking a lot. My mental health was horrible.

I was in a bad position. Um, but I'm one of six kids and, uh, uh, from, uh, my dad remarried, but, uh, you know, basically all six of us have our issues and I left, got it together. Um, and always thought, you know, basically all six of us have our issues. And I left, got it together, and always thought, you know, maybe leaving my siblings back, you know, around home, they'd eventually just grow up. You know, five to ten years goes by, I get it together. And actually, just like this past year, one of my step-siblings hung herself. And I look at the remaining siblings. There isn't a dime between any of them.

And they haven't progressed the way I worry about them. I just worry about them. And my dad's getting old now. He's not working anymore. He lost his job. And I don't know how to help. I want to help financially. That's my main push to further my career. But I feel Chicago is this goldmine of like successful businesses and marketing opportunities. Like, you know, it, it seems like things have been

doing well for me selfishly in Chicago. And then everything is kind of right where it was in Chile. And actually, I'm with my girlfriend now, and I just went back, looked at homes, and all these roads. They kind of made me queasy, flashbacks, the home life. Brandon, let me hop in here. And I'm going to turn it over again to talk about the career aspect. But mental health and relational health, all those challenges are almost, not always, often, often, often environmental. They're contextual. and you were able to summon the strength, the courage, whether somebody went with you,

or you saw a pinhole of a light somewhere way down the road, and you got out. And getting out let you breathe new air, and walk on new grass, and be around new people, and try new things, and stand up a little bit taller. My fear is you're going to go home, and you're going to go back to an environment that made you sick in the first place. And in fact, you've said the words,

it's like time stood still. Everybody's exactly where they were, except my dad's older now. And so there's nothing about re-entering that war zone for you that makes sense. And I also get the idea that you found your way, you swam through a swamp to get to a boat, and you're watching your brothers and sisters drown, and you can't stand that either, so you're stuck. Am I on the right path? Yeah, I mean, essentially, yeah. But I worry, essentially, yeah. You know, but I worry if this continues, you know, what if this whole, the incident of this past year, you know, what if that's not the end?

Like, what if that's not the straw that broke the camel's back? What if it just gets worse and then I'm 800 miles away, you know? Can I ask you a hard, hard question? You know, transfer that money and stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. All I want, you know. Brendan, this isn't about money, brother. I'm going to ask you a hard, hard question? Again, I can transfer them money and stuff. No, no, no, no, no. That's all I want. Brendan, this isn't about money, brother. I'm going to ask you a hard question, okay?

What are you going to do? Fast forward. You buy a house in Philadelphia. Am I even equipped to start coaching them? No. The answer is no. The answer is no. Brendan, here's two things I want to set you free on.

Number one, you cannot fix these problems. Would you agree with that? You don't have the power to fix all of these problems. Would you agree with that? Oh, 100%. I mean, I'm not a psychologist. I know, but here's the deal. I'm going to get it all said and done.

No, you're not. No, you're not. But here's the deal. Incredible young man. Second question. All I'm saying is I'm not equipped. There you go. I get it. Good. Good. But here's the deal. Second question. All I'm saying is I'm not equipped. There you go. I get it. Good. So the answer is yes. Second question.

Can you be influential in the lives of some of those family members? That is true. There we go. But here's the other thing, and I'll give it back to John, who can explain why I'm asking these questions. I just know what I'm supposed to ask. That's great. Here's the thing. Brendan, you cannot be influential if you are broken.

You've gotten yourself healthy. You have recovered. You are getting healthier and stronger every day, making good money, potential to make more money. You have the opportunity because of your healthiness to be a greater influence on your family in Chicago, in the life that you're in now. That's what I think.

Take yourself back, Brandon, when you were drinking. If someone just threw $10,000 at you, would that have solved any of your problems? No, I would have drank it away in a few weeks. That's right. So you don't owe them any money either. You've got to be smart for you. So here's what I would have drank it away in a few weeks. That's right. So you don't owe them any money either. You've got to be smart for you. So here's what I would love to do.

It sounds to me like you've got stability and health. As Ken eloquently said, he's much more eloquent than me. You've got stability. You've got community. You've got a girlfriend. You've got life here. From this place, you can anchor in and then you've got a place

where you can say, hey, brothers and sisters, if you need three months to get your feet underneath you, I have a bedroom. That's right. And here's the rules of my bedroom. There was no drugs here.

There's no whatever here. There's food and there is an opportunity you're going to go apply for jobs. And you can provide a platform for them to go, to go get healthy. You cannot make them get healthy. And there is no deeper pain than watching people you love decide, I don't want to be healthy.

But going back into the sewer with them, brother, there's six of them, five of them. You're going to drown. And it's not even their fault, man. Do you hear what we're saying? Yeah, but and you're voicing like my better judgment and what I want

to do. It's just why does my platform, can't my platform be like 100 miles away instead of 800? Or like something that I can drive to? Absolutely, yes. Okay, we're not saying that Chicago is the only place The 800 or like something that they can drive to? Absolutely, yes. Okay. What we're not saying that Chicago is the only place you can be healthy. What we're saying is don't sacrifice the gains that you've made,

the health and the stability that you have built for yourself. Don't sacrifice it because you feel bad. Let me tell you this. I think you need to be a lighthouse, not an ambulance. And so if you want to be a lighthouse 100 miles away, great. But what has to be true for that to be true, Brendan? You've got to go get a really great marketing job in Delaware, and I don't know that area super well, but you can get a great marketing job in Pittsburgh.

But the point is that John pointed out beautifully that the streets of Philadelphia are great for Rocky. They're not great for you. Brennan, I consider myself relatively stable, which is hard to say out loud, but pretty good. Did you know my wife, she can tell what generation of friend I'm talking to on the phone? Wow. By the language I use. Wow.

And I roll back into 30 years ago when I talked to the boys I grew up with on the same street I love them to death they are my brothers we've bled together, we've laughed together we've snuck out, we've done crazy things together and I start swearing like an 11 year old third grader it just

it becomes the and I'm well brother and you are too, but our homes, it's just a part of it. And I have to really be conscious when I talk to my friends and say, no, no, no, I'm a different guy now. This is who I am. And I, that pull brother, you're not there.

You just drive in on the road and you feel it in your stomach. That's your body saying not here, not here. Hear me say this. You can only be well. I mean, you can only help your brothers and sisters if you're well. Be a lighthouse. That's it. That's it.

That's it. And I also want to say this. I'm so grateful for your heart. Yes. What a stud. Absolute great heart. Coming up next, John's going to break down the potty mouth of an 11-year-old third grader because the audience wants to know.

I didn't know that they cussed like sailors, but apparently said so so we got to figure that out i'll fix that 11 year old third grader oh i stepped in it we'll be right back Thank you. This is the Ramsey Show. All right, so that last segment I said that when I was an 11-year-old third grader, I swore too much. So what's factually true? You swore too much or you weren't an 11-year-old third grader, I swore too much. So what's factually true? You swore too much or you weren't an 11-year-old third grader? Were you 11 in the third grade? I was not 11 in the third grade. I have an 11-year-old sixth grader.

Right. And I just whiffed. That's fine. It was funny. It was funny. This is life. People understand that you're live, and sometimes your brain gets going a little too fast,

and your mouth can't catch up that was my that was the case when i was a regular eight or nine year old third grader right i did swear way too much did you oh man stand by me came out man oh greatest movie ever great movie did teach a generation of kids to swear there's no question to talk right yeah yeah and the major league came out with us yeah it was just movies after movies man i'm just a product of entertainment. I'm going to blame them. Let's go to Emily in Vancouver.

What is up, Emily? Hey, John and Ken. How are you? Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Good. I actually have a career dilemma.

I currently am debating if I should go to graduate school for physical therapy and end up being $150,000 to $200,000 in debt with a starting salary of around $75,000. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. No, you should not do that. No! Or if... Or, what's the or? Or if I should find a new career path. Okay, well... You've either or-ed yourself. Yeah, I don't know if that's even the right choice. But let me ask this.

A couple questions walk you through this. Why physical therapy? Why do you want to do physical therapy? Give me the why. I really love it. It's something that I've worked really hard to get into this school. What do you love about physical therapy? Describe what you love about that work.

I want you to picture yourself working with a patient, and you're walking them through it. What gives you that juice? What is it about that? I love the personal relationships that you get to build with your patients. Good. What else? And helping them, like, rehabilitate. Okay.

And so you've worked really – go ahead, keep going. And? And probably just the fact that it is a really good career and it does provide that job security. Right. But I can tell you this. If you're $150,000 to $200,000 in debt, $75,000 is going to feel like $7.50 an hour.

That's what it's going to feel like. Emily, I'll free you from this. I've sat with doctors of physical therapy who owe their souls in student loans and they make $75,000 a year. It is not worth it.

So now let's talk about what can you do physical therapy? Can you do that training for way less? Or is that the price everywhere you go? And I ask that because I'm ignorant of what it costs to get trained to be a physical therapist. It doesn't cost that much everywhere, but you have to get into the program, and it's like a year-long process. That doesn't matter.

That should not deter you. Nope. So 12 months of waiting or 24 months of waiting to do this work that's going to be there and to be able to cash flow it. So give me the lowest price out there in the United States, lowest price to become a physical therapist, the training. I'd say maybe like $60,000 to $80,000. Okay. And let's pause on physical therapy.

You said, or should I do another career? I'm curious what the other option was in your mind. That's the problem. I don't have another option yet. Okay. So let me take you down a path. Do you remember just moments ago, you described very beautifully, you gave me three descriptions of why you like physical therapy. You remember that? You remember defining it for me? Yes. All right, let me ask you this. Have you ever written those reasons down and written them down so you could see them,

and then have you looked into other jobs and careers that would allow you to do that kind of work? It does not have to be in a moment of physical therapy where I'm helping someone who broke their thumb learn how to get full range of motion again i had to do that one time broke my thumb got a scar right here i had to tore the ligament and went through physical therapy i've done it that person helped me regain total i get that outside of that context what you described as the work you love where else could you do that kind of work? Have you examined that? I have not, no. And that's your homework assignment. And here's why. Number one, you can save up the money and cash flow your way through a $60,000 program. You can do that. It's going to take time. And that sucks, John. It sucks to wait. It's the worst. Nobody wants to wait. If I said to you, Emily, are you willing to do whatever it takes to be a physical therapist,

what would you say? I would say maybe. The reason why is because it's a three-year program. I'm already 24. By the time I graduate, I'm'm gonna be close to 28 like i want a family dude well listen listen i love that but you're assuming that you can't have a family while you pursue what you want to do you've got this narrative that is completely false i'm glad you acknowledge that but my gosh 28 you're talking to a dude who turns 48

this year. Spare me that. I'm going to be 28, dude. Comment. I'm not having it today because I'm on your team, Emily. All right, now let's keep going here. Here's what I was getting at. Most people say yes to that. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. What we as humans, me included, John included, what we aren't willing to do is to wait as long as it takes. So we've got to look at, I've got some very clear goals. I want to be a mama or I want to be married. Whatever your family goals are. Those are equally as important as your work desires.

More so. So we go, okay, can I have it all? I think the answer is unequivocally yes emily but i do know this you cannot have it all at the same time would you agree with that yep all right it's time to be a big girl now part of being a big girl is going what else could i do besides being a physical therapist that wouldn't cost me 60 for instance what other type of work could you be helping people with their physical development and thus their emotional and maybe mental health by guiding them like a physical therapist

would? Give me one just off the top of your head because you're a smart lady. What's another possible career? Forget about what you know and don't know, but where you could do similar work, but it's not physical therapy. Give me one idea. Personal trainer. Boom.

I'm not saying that's your thing. I'm saying your homework assignment is to begin to explore and see what, and here's your first homework assignment. I want you to write down to the best of your memory those three reasons why you are intrigued or you love the idea of physical therapy because see that speaks to your soul i don't care about the career path i don't care about the title of the job i care are you doing work that you love and you see some values connected to it i want you to write that down then i want you to begin to look okay physical trainer i mean personal

trainer okay what else give me one more john you. Okay, what else? Give me one more. John, you can pipe in if you want. Give me one more idea that is in that same lane, if you will, of the work of physical therapists. Give me another idea. Athletic trainer. Athletic trainer. Okay, personal trainer, athletic trainer. Sure. Working with a team, you know, of volleyball players or football players or baseball players or whatever. And you are individually working and connecting with these people to help them to advance. So I want you to begin to see what the world looks like. And then I also want you, I'm giving her lots of homework, John.

I also want you to start researching schools. And then what would it take for you to save up 60,000 to get licensed or certified to be a physical therapist and who cares if it's three years from now so there's two important takeaways one is an experience that my wife had she was talking to two really smart folks and they they were in their 30 i think they're 35 and they were talking about you know we wish we'd gone to med school and husband was like yeah i wish we'd gone to med school. And husband was like, yeah, I wish we'd gone to med school. We should have, man. But if we went now, we'd be 42. My wife, because she's wise, she said, the question is not should we have gone to medical school. The question is you're both going to be 42 someday.

Do you want to be doctors or not when you're 42? That's exactly right. That's the question. That's right. You're going to get there. And the second thing is ask your friends who are physical therapists if that was a great job when all of the physical therapy shops got shut down during COVID. Every job's a great job forever until it's not. Also, talk to a physical therapist who's drowning in debt.

See how happy they are. They're not. They're not. You can do it, Emily. We'll talk to you soon. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Hey, folks. Ken Coleman here.

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