The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Is Divorcing Me Because He Says I'm Not Fun (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 18, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. My co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality. So we are answering your questions about your life and your money.

And those two things are woven in together. Nathan is in California. Hi, Nathan. Your question for Dr. John and me. Hi, Dave. Thank you so much. John and me. Hi, Dave. Thank you so much for taking my call today. Sure. What's up?

So I'm in a little bit of an interesting situation. I had to move out of my parents' house about a month ago, and I currently support my 8-month-old daughter and my fiancée. So we had to move to a apartment that I, I think I broke a couple of year rules. It's, um, my income is $50,000 a year before taxes, and I'm paying, um, 1,687 a month. Um, thankfully I have, uh, over $20,000 in savings, but what I did have to do was drop out of college in order to make sure that I really didn't get myself into too much of a bind. So I have $9,000 worth of debt on an auto loan, and the vehicle is worth just about that. And so my question is, do I use some of my savings to get through school? Because I only have about six months left, and it costs me approximately $500 a month.

Or do I kind of continue to go on my career path and hope that I'll be getting a promotion in the next year, which is what has been kind of stalled with all the COVID stuff going on. I had to get my promotion on hold. You got a full plate. Okay, what are you studying? Business administration. Wait a minute, you're muffling. Put your mouth right on the phone. Say it again.

Okay. Can you hear me a little bit better? Yes, sir. Okay. I'm majoring in business marketing. Okay. And in a four-year degree, you're six months from completing it? About eight months, yes.

Okay. And it costs you $500 a month. Is that what you said? Yes, sir. So you need $4,000, and you have how much in savings? $20,000 in savings, right? Yes, sir. Okay.

And you're doing this while you're working full-time? Yes, sir. Okay. All right, cool. When are you getting married? We were supposed to get married actually last week, but we had to put the wedding on hold because of the social distancing and everything like that. You mean because people couldn't attend the wedding? Yes. It wasn't what my fiancee kind of wanted, and we decided, well, we'll save a little bit more money up and do it in 2021 instead.

Have the party in 2021. Get married tomorrow. Okay. Yeah, get married tomorrow. Have the party in 2021. You got a baby. You got a lot on your plate. You're going to take that off of your soul. Just do a celebration of your wedding. Redo your wedding vows at one year and do them again next spring or next summer at this time. You'll have a June wedding. There you go.

You've got a question. I want to make sure I hear you right. Are you asking if you should quit college for a minute and just work full time or are you tired from grinding it out? I'm trying to get the question behind the question here yeah yes sir um what my biggest concern is i am you know obviously a new dad and i try to take um my finances very responsibly and and my biggest thing i know that

i got into an apartment that's a little bit too expensive. I know that I'm probably spending too much on living and associated costs. And so my question is just whether or not I should, because I'm capable of completing school, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do right now and incurring an additional $500 a month cost. You got $20,000 in the bank name. Get that thing off your soul. Get that off your plate. Knock it out. Yeah. yeah okay and if you need to move apartments move apartments and get down to something um it it sounds like that some of this came on rather suddenly and you kind of hastily made a few decisions absolutely okay all right and so now to slow down a notch, breathe, and let's remake a couple of the decisions. And, yeah, finishing school is good.

Is she working? No, she is not. Okay. And is her plan to? Ideally, no, because she doesn't have any sort of work experience that would warrant a higher income. She'd probably be making minimum wage, and I don't want to get involved with daycare or anything like that. I come from a traditional household, and I would like to avoid it if possible.

How old are you? Just turned 24. Okay. All right. Well, I've got to tell you, man, you're throwing your shoulders back, and you're carrying all this, and you're impressive in that regard. All right. Well, I got to tell you, man, you're throwing your shoulders back and you're carrying all this. And you're impressive in that regard. Well done.

I mean, you're stepping up and you're manning up and doing all the right stuff and making all the right decisions. And it's more than a little bit overwhelming. And you're doing a good job weeding through it and pushing things back and making good calls. So take a breath or two, remake a few of the decisions. You probably do need to make that apartment a short-term thing. It doesn't fit. It's going to cause you problems in your budget. And I'm with John.

I'd go get married tomorrow, and this time next year I would have the big wedding ceremony and redo your vows and have everybody that come then. But you guys are it's going to benefit you relationally, psychologically, emotionally to put some of this behind you. You see, like in a year, you will have finished school. You will be married. You have an 18 month old and that's going to be your life is going to feel so much more together by then if you'll go ahead and put some of these things behind you and so i agree with john's uh suggestion there it's what i would tell my son if he was 24 and he called me with exactly the same question and so but i can i can hear in the circumstances some of the stress and things that

have gone on probably and and in your voice a little bit and i i just got to commend you i think you're really you're really stepping up and doing a good job it's it's impressive and i wish that everyone would take that level of initiative and responsibility for your actions responsibility i've got my baby that's my kid my my girl we're gonna i'm gonna be daddy and i'm gonna make her mine that's right dave how do you coach folks i know how it works in let's use weight loss for instance you're on a diet and then you just have a meltdown when people are doing fpu they're following it they're following it and they just have a clickathon on amazon.. What do you tell them to get up the next morning? You haven't blown it.

You had a bad day. You screwed up. You got to get back on the horse. Yeah. The thing that makes you successful is what you do the most of, not doing it perfectly. I love that. So be smart more than you are, Tom. There you go. You know, and then you're going to win. But nobody's ever perfect. I love that. Be smart more than you are dumb. Then you're going to win. But nobody's ever perfect. I love it. Don't quit. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Most people's money problems come from not paying attention.

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And they guarantee your sunglasses for life. Plus, they offer an exclusive for Ramsey Show listeners. Go to ShadyRays.com and use the code RAMSEY for 50% off two or more pairs. That's ShadyRays.com, code RAMSEY. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host on the Dave Ramsey Show today. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. This is a show about your life and your money. Corin is next in Minnesota. Hi, Corin.

How are you? Hello, Dave and Dr. D. Thank you for taking my call. It's an honor to speak with you today. You too. Thank you. So I have a question for you. So I'm the spender in the relationship and I want to work on changing this habit of spending my feelings of like grief and

guilt and shame. And I would like to know how I can do that successfully. So having gone through severe grief and sadness in the past with suffering the loss of seven pregnancies within six years. I found myself spending money that I felt I like deserved to spend with that, you know, to help with that suffering or so I thought. And so now we've paid off $100,000 in debt in the last 10 months. And a lot of that was credit card debt due to myself. So moving forward when we're debt free next March, I don't want to repeat the same habits. So I want to weather those emotional storms and I want to be able to, you know, come up with better solutions to how I spend. And so I was hoping that you could help me with

that today. Wow. Wow. That's a lot of loss in six years. It is a lot of loss. Yeah, it's devastating to have gone through it. So have you mourned the loss of each one of these young lives? You know, each. Sometimes they were know further apart so it gave me time um sometimes it was compounded within a month or two of each other um we had seven failed you know fertility treatments within that as well um and so i think the compounded grief um didn't i was trying to survive you know every day so um as as time has gone on, it's been better, um, to, to be able to grieve. So what I normally tell folks who are what I call have a transfer behavior, they have trauma, they've got loss, they've got heaviness, which loss of pregnancies

are, um, we've, I've experienced this in my own house. Um, they're devastating in a way that because there's that silence and there's that shame and there's that, does my body work and there's husband and wives agree with this differently and it just creates communication chaos, all of that. Right. Um, when people then move to behaviors that, that just to distract us, right? Whether that's spending. I would even call, and I hope this doesn't sound sacrilege in this show, there's a chance that you can transfer identity from I'm going to be a mom to loss to the baby steps, right?

And at some point, you've got to transfer trust back to your relationship with your husband. You've got to transfer trust back to yourself. with your husband. You've got to transfer trust back to yourself. And that starts with truly grieving what has happened. And seven losses of seven, seven pregnancy losses in six years. I don't know anybody that can do that by themselves. recommend you get a counselor, get a professional, get a pastor that you trust and do this with your husband and truly grieve the losses of each one of these pregnancies. And then set up a system for yourself coming out of this that makes it very difficult for you to default to your spending

habit. In my life, I gave my debit card to my wife for a season. I had to unhook Amazon Prime for a season, but I had to make it hard for myself until I developed these other behaviors that were going to be toward something and not just in response to trying to cover up trauma. But it starts with truly grieving the losses there. Yeah. I think John's exactly right. As you go through that part of it and you get some, somebody walking with you in that part and guiding you, then you do put the systems in place and it can be, you know, and I think the way you honestly, your self-awareness that you just said this all out loud, no one had to figure it out. You've already figured it out. You went, I overspent.

I was medicating my hurt, you know, and it brought us $100,000 in debt, and I got shamed from that. Now we cleaned that debt up, and I never want to go back. I mean, all of the fact that you can put all of that in about three or four sentences indicates you're in a really good place. Way ahead of the curve. Yeah, because, I mean, we didn't have to pull all of that out of you. You laid it all out and just, you know, which means you've already processed it.

And your self-awareness is, you know, recognizing there is a problem is 90% of solving one, you know, and you really are there. So then I, yeah, I would make sure you guys are doing a budget and that there are no secret accounts and that every month, any spending that he does, any spending that you do, both of you would know about it. Because the only way you did this crap was in secret. That's right. Yeah.

Last August, when I found you, Dave, I went to my husband. You said two things on that first call I listened to. You said, get on the same page with your spouse and stop the bleeding. And I went home that day and we changed like 180. We changed our entire financial world. Yeah. I'm proud of you. You've done great. If you guys are working the budget together and you are committed to, you're in a contract with your spouse, that neither one of you spend money that the other one doesn't know about, and it all shows up on the budget, which, by the way, Dave and Sharon Ramsey do that to this day, and John Deloney and Sheila do that to this day. They do a budget every month.

We stick to the budget. We don't spend money that's not on the budget. We don't have any side deals. This is it. And, you know, that that's the accountability if that's not enough accountability then you may have to unplug from a couple of things and lean in lean against your husband to carry you through a couple of those things like john said he turned over his debit card he he he unplugged and leaned over um and you can do that, too, if you need to. But I don't know if you're going to need to.

You know, I think you've got some grief work to do that John suggested and prescribed. And you got that from the doctor here. So you do need to follow that prescription. And then from my perspective, if you'll keep doing what you've been doing since you guys worked on the same page and you don't have any side deals then i think you're going to be pretty safe uh given how self-aware you are uh yeah but it's not unusual at all to have someone with a loss spending is a socially acceptable drug yeah it's it's harder to get off of than cocaine right you don't you don't have cocaine downstairs some people some people crawl in the bottle

that's not as socially acceptable you know some people crawl into other stuff and it's not you can't talk about that it's what there's but spending is like i just spent some money what's the big deal but you can kind of rationalize it in your head a lot more and the number of people that medicate grief with spending um we warn, for instance, widows in the loss of a husband or husbands in the loss of a wife, widowers, the same thing. Be very, very careful with that because the number of times I have met with somebody two years after the loss and they burned through $400,000 worth of life insurance and all that was was grief spending. That's right. Medication and medicated spending, and that'll burn some money. It'll burn some money, seriously.

And you can't outrun tragedy. You can't outrun grief. It hangs on you, and it hangs on you. You just got to do the hard work and turn around and face it. Yeah, go to the DaveRamsey.com, folks, and look at Dr. John Deloney's latest article. It's called Dealing with the Disappointment of Canceled Plans. And sometimes grief is just exactly that. That's what that is.

It's a canceled plan. I knew what tomorrow was going to be, and then suddenly tomorrow's different. It's not what I thought it was going to be. It's not. This ain't the trip I signed up for, baby. We've got a new one coming out, I think, this week on anxiety, kind of reframing anxiety. It's not a disease. It's not a blanket that you have to wear forever.

It's not a label. It's not a label. It's not a forever diagnostic that you're ruined or broken. And it's a way to reframe it and get some hope around anxiety. So I'm looking forward to that. So check all of that at DaveRamsey.com. And, of course, if you've got questions for John, you can always e-mail him for Dr. Deloney at AskJohn at RamseySolutions.com. We're getting some great questions on that.

I bet you are. Great questions. Good stuff. AskJohn at RamseySolutions.com. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. So so Families all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs, whether they're anticipated or completely unexpected. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new

baby boy. Shortly after, they had another expensive medical issue come up. They could have faced a huge financial setback. But thanks to Christian Healthcare Ministries, the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills. As members of CHM, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the longest serving health cost sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau accredited charity.

It's Christians helping other Christians and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, joining me today as my co-host here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Oh, my God. They taught me about it when I was there speaking a while back. But here to do your debt-free scream. How much have you guys paid off?

We have paid off $43,000. Good for you. How long did this take? 15 months. 15 months. And your range of income during that time? When we first got married, we were earning around $62,000, and currently we are earning around $70,000. Good for you.

What do you guys do for a living? I'm weird, Dave. I have to admit, I have three jobs. One full-time job and two part-time jobs. They're all working with adults with disabilities, whether it be in a day program or in a residential setting. Cool. Good for you.

What a good ministry. And you? And I work third shift at a production plant that makes shopping catalogs that get directly mailed to people. Okay. And while doing that, I'm also going to school part-time at Community College for Invasive Cardiovascular Technology. Good for you. Well done. Wow. So what kind of debt's the $43,000? So of the 43 that we mentioned here, we had other types before we got married, but this 43, since we got married, it was all school and car loans. Okay, cool. So you've been married 15

months? Going on two years. Going on two years. So just after getting married, it was all school and car loans. Okay, cool. So you've been married 15 months? Going on two years. Going on two years. So just after getting married, you said we're going to get out of debt. Tell me your story. What got this going? Okay, so I actually started a little before I met Tim. I took Financial Peace University right out of undergrad school, and I graduated December 2008. And I took FPU, loved it. I was able to move out on my own. I did have to take a huge bite of humble pie and had to move home with my parents after about four years

because I was not making very wise financial decisions. Fell off the wagon. I did fall off the wagon. It's not a fall drop because I'm pretty short. They were very gracious and let me move home with them. And it's not a fall drop because I'm pretty short. But still, yes. They were very gracious and let me move home with them. And then my sister-in-law, God bless her soul, she's like, would you like me to help you get back on track? I was like, yes.

So that was probably about a year before I met Tim. And during that time, I was able to pay off some, like, medical debt, my master's degree and everything like that. Good for you guys. And I myself, I had a small car loan that i paid off before i met her and i was working on my own school loans okay but you did 43 in the last 15 months yeah yeah so what caused you guys when you got married to go okay done we're knocking this out what was the what was the catalyst that caused that so i would say we we knew before we got married we were going to be doing the baby steps okay um and uh i think uh the main driving

point for her was living with her parents and for me i just had a taste for wanting to pay off my first car not having any payments it just felt like freedom i like living a simple life and it's just nice not having that to my name also none So none of the $43,000 was yours? Oh, yeah. No, it was. Oh, okay. It was about half and half when he got married. Okay.

So you guys were just part of your dating and getting engaged was we're going to work on this. Exactly. I got you. He saw me working the steps, and he was like, this girl's a little weird. Yeah, he is. But I eventually brought him around. Now you're weird. So I made him listen to the FPE CDs, and he listened to some of your podcasts, and that brought him around. Yeah. So. Yep. Now you're weird. Yeah. So I made him listen to the FPE CDs and he listened to some of your podcasts.

And that brought him on board. And I eventually got convinced that. Okay. Yeah, definitely. That this will work. Okay. Good for you guys. Well, you are successful.

Congratulations. Thank you so much. $43,000 paid off in 15 months. What do you tell people the secret to getting out of debt is? So the thing that made life a lot easier for us than probably a lot of the people who come in here to talk to you are that uh we're actually living with my parents since we got married and a part a big part of that is because i'm going to school and i got my clinical rotations coming up and i'll have to work part-time so we thought it'd be irresponsible to get home for

ourselves while i'll be working part-time. So my parents offered us their whole downstairs and everything, and they charged us very, very little. And because of that and us working full-time at the moment, we were able to tackle the $43,000 without much of a problem at all. Right. So just getting rid of all the expenses. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And neither one of you are afraid to work. You're both working all the time. Yeah. And we still had expenses. You know, we pay for our own car insurance, all and all that it was just the rent yeah obviously which is the biggest chunk yeah which helped us a lot um part of what worked for us too was that we had a lot of free or very low cost events in our community um that included taking part in pay-as-you-will theatrical productions and monthly art gallery walks.

You can probably call it a little bit of luck, but I actually won free theater tickets to a local dinner theater, not one but two occasions. Wow. Very cool. That was like our date night. We got to go out, go see something. Yeah, so just little things like that,

finding free or really affordable forms of entertainment. We also go to the library a lot because that doesn't cost a dime. You know what I mean? Okay, so you went through Financial Peace University as a single lady. You fell off the wagon. You bounced back. Now you guys get married. And now you go at it again.

This time you're done. Are you going to go back in debt again? Heck no. Except for a 15-year mortgage eventually. That's all we're planning on. Okay. Yep. So we are officially done now. We're done. All right. I'm proud of you. Can I, if I can just speak to how radical you truly are, because there's people across the country who say, I'd love to get out of debt, but I'm just a third shift guy. I don't have the kind

of money. Right. Or I'm doing something on behalf of others, right? I'm serving the least of these in my community, which is such a gift, but I don't make enough money to, right? Or my date life has to look like this. There's no such thing as cheap dates or free dates or fill in the blank. I've got to buy the book from Amazon. I can't just pick it up for free at my local library. Right. You guys do everything different, and now you are freer than everybody around you, right? Yes, sir.

What a gift. You have painted a picture for millions of people across the country that there is a different way to live and a more joyful. I wish the people at home could see your faces, man. You're just standing lighter. It's incredible. It's almost like a huge weight off your chest. You know, the elephant was sitting on your chest, and now you're free. It's incredible. It's almost like a huge weight off your chest. You know, the elephant was sitting on your chest and now you're free. You can breathe. Yeah.

And you've lived like no one else. And later you'll get to live like no one else. That's right. So you're making the steps in your career to change things. Everything's happening here. So well done. Who were your biggest cheerleaders outside the two of you? Both sets of parents and our immediate families. Our small group was also really... Small group at church. Small group at church was really integral. And by the way, our small group leader really adores you and he also follows the steps. Awesome. What about you, Tim? Yeah, just friends, family, the usual stuff. Yeah yeah pretty much well done guys very proud of you very proud of you heroes well done we got a copy of chris hogan's book for you everyday millionaires i fully expect that to be the next chapter in your story yep we're looking forward you got a great

story ahead of you there's nothing no you are on your way baby this is well done. All right, it's Tim and Katie from Pennsylvania. $43,000 paid off in 15 months. First order of business in the marriage, and they're done. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! That is how it's done.

And, you know, I appreciate you pointing out that how countercultural a whole bunch of their small decisions were. And an anti-victim mentality their small decisions were, because when you add up about four or five small decisions that they were making in different areas, they turned into a huge decision. They decided to be together, and then they decided what their dates were going to look like, not the other way around. They decided they were going to be together and then decide how they were going to live. And we do it, you know, Anthony has talked about this, we do it the other way around,

right? We decide what my dates are going to look like, and I try to find somebody to plug into that hole, instead of saying, nope, you know what, local theater's going to be fun. And if it's bad, we're going to laugh at that on the way home too, right? Yeah. Or the library's going to work for us. They do everything backwards, and they won. Yeah.

They won. You know, sometimes people say, well, I listened to the Dave Ramsey show for 23 minutes one time and basically I found out I was going to have to live on beans and rice, rice and beans and go to community theater

and I was not going to have a life and I'm not going to do that stuff. And really what you're saying is exactly that's, you know, okay. That's your right. You don't have to do this stuff. But we're not suggesting you do that the rest of your life. We're suggesting you live like no one else so that later you can live and give like no one else.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it yields a harvest of righteousness. Very cool couple. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. you may feel like there's not a lot you can control these days but i'm here to tell you you can control your budget and you can control what you feed your family. My longtime friends at eMeals are here to help. They have simplified meal plans and created new recipe collections such as easy pantry meals and freezer meals utilizing basic ingredients. It has never been easier to shop smarter and stay on a budget. Try it free for two full weeks at emails.com

so Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, my co-host today on the air. Our question today is from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You'll get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run all the time, you can save even more. Use the magic word, the promo code RAMSY for the best deal. John, our question. Today's question comes from Heidi in Missouri. She visits DaveRamsay.com to ask,

My husband recently served me with divorce papers because he says I'm not fun. We have a two-year-old daughter. I'm just going to let that sit for a second. Yeah, while I get pissed off. My blood's boiling, man. I believe he's going through a midlife crisis. I think he's a twerp. That's what I think.

I think he's an idiot. He wants to keep the house and all other assets, leaving me with a car and a small sum of money. I have $45,000 in student loans and make $58,000. Is it smarter to rent or buy? I'm going to answer the question, and I'm going to try to answer the question directly before I just get frustrated and angry.

Too late. Man. Guys, you don't get to do this, is what I'm going to say. You don't get to look at your wife and say, hey, you know what? You're not fun. You're not fun. You wuss. You don't get to look at your daughter and say, you know what?

Mom's not fun. I'm out. What up? Not a choice, man. Unbelievable. So, Heidi, here's the thing um the last thing you need to be worried about right now is he i don't mind dave just pisses me off just rent as cheap as you can and spend all the rest of your money on the attorney to take everything this guy has he doesn't get to this he doesn't get to keep

the house and all the other assets you take all of those everything you take everything you take everything this guy ever dreamed of owning and he deserves nothing and you take this story to an attorney and they're going to smile at you and say come in sweet heidi let's have a great great we're about to teach this boy about the law. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Gentlemen. No, that's not gentlemen. There's no gentlemen involved in this discussion. Well played.

Men, boys, children. Males. When you hold a woman's hand and you look her in the eyes and you tell her family and your family and God and your friends forever. It's forever. And when you have a child together, a two-year-old daughter, that's forever. Let me help you with this. When you have a two-year-old daughter, fun doesn't even enter the discussion. No. Fun's gone.

There is no fun right then. But I'm sick of the cowardice of these men. Stop. Stop. Stop. Heidi, get a good lawyer and have a these men. Stop. Stop. Heidi, get a good lawyer and have a field day. Yeah, just give this guy a haircut he'll never forget.

But rent. Rent's the cheapest thing you can. Get stabilized and get your life started over. And here's the good news. You now know what picking poorly looks like. And so the next time you pick, you won't pick poorly. You will have a different set of decision-making tools when you start your dating life again. You're young, and a decade from now, you'll have a 12-year-old.

You'll have a new family a new husband and your life is going to be amazing so i know it feels like it's shattered right now and it's all over it's not over this is just the down chapter before things get good and um but in the but but rent as cheap as you can and get stabilized, spend your money on your attorney so that boy child gets the haircut he has coming to him. Unbelievable. We do have a manhood crisis, and I think it's because the culture has made it very unpopular to be man to be a man, you know, like supposedly everything male is a troglodyte dragging their knuckles around.

I've never heard the word troglodyte. And, you know, you wanted wimpy men. Now you got them out there in the culture. You know, you wanted manhood to disappear and it's starting it's gone it's starting to uh and and so but there are a few of us left and um we're teaching our sons uh that that you the culture were wrong and that the message you gave them that they were not worthy to be good dads, good husbands, be men of valor, be knights of the round table.

Anytime you told our sons that, we've told them otherwise. And so there are a few of us that are waging war against you, culture, and we're not going to let you win. And so it pisses us off when we run into a creepazoid like this guy and um you know the wussification of america the wussification of our culture to where a little boy child can walk in and look at his wife and get you're not fun just want to yeah not good all right chelsea's with us chelsea's in uh utah chelsea you really don't even want to follow that but how can we help hey chelsea what's up um i just have a weird scenario

um so i'm in baby step two right now and i've been taking it quite literally i've been doing beans and rice you know for like two meals a day, and I'm losing a lot of weight. So that's where my question comes in. I'm sorry. Is this weight you wanted to lose or you're starving to death? Oh, no, this is weight that I needed to lose. Oh, okay. I heard it the other way, too.

Okay. I was wanting to make sure that what you were saying. So you're getting a side benefit of working. The side benefit of working the plant is you're also losing some weight you needed to lose. Good for you. Thanks. Maybe step 2.5 is don't starve to death. Yes.

I'm on that. So after my husband and I get our three to six months fully funded, my question to you was, should I save up and get a skin removal surgery, which is something that I've been thinking about for a long time, or should we save for a house? Hmm. So you are losing a lot of weight. Right. Like how much? So, so far I'm at 40 pounds and I've probably got another 50 to go. Wow. Good for you.

So proud of you. Congratulations. Yeah. How's that feel? Thanks. You know, it's life-changing. I have a two-year-old, and I can play with him now, and it's just the best. I'm so proud of you.

Very, very well done. How old are you? I'm 26. Okay. Well, this is a cosmetic surgery and it is after uh you positioned it correctly be after you have your emergency fund in place because it's not an emergency but it is a good thing to do it's a good thing to look at um if uh you were my daughter i would tell you to do that before buying a home okay but i also will tell you having a little experience sitting in

this chair that cosmetic surgery varies uh pretty dramatically uh around the horn on who charges what and so i'm not talking to just one doc i'm gonna get several opinions um it sounds kind of crass but i'm actually going to take bids on this and may not take the lowest bid, but I'm going to go investigate three or four different surgeons and get different, understand different techniques. I'm going to learn about the procedure. I'll learn about the different costs and use the highest quality, most cost efficient, one of those after I do all of that information gathering. But you want to live the rest of your life with this weight gone and no memory of it, and I'm with you. I would do that, wouldn't you?

I had a friend that had the surgery after an extraordinary, dramatic weight loss, and it was a profound psychological effect. It was a freeing. It was on to the next chapter. So, yeah, I'm in high support of it. If you can obviously cash flow it, pay cash for it. a on to the next chapter so yeah i'm i'm in high support of it if you can obviously cash flow it pay cash for it i have no idea what something like that costs i don't have any idea it's a lot it's a chunk of money like what 10 grand maybe 20 yeah 10 to 20 grand um but yeah it i i saw a new human being emerge yeah it was it was a beautiful thing

so yeah high support it's uh it's an amazing thing when someone loses that kind of what a what a guy here in the office we got a guy in the office lost 75 pounds he's getting ready to lose another 75 wow he's amazing i'm so proud of him this is the dave ramsey show hey it's kelly associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes

or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening. Please hear me loud and clear. The government is not going to bail you out of your student loans, at least not completely and not without a catch. What they're talking about only impacts federal, not private loans, and you need to take responsibility for what you owe and pay your debt down quicker. Right now, Splash Financial is offering their lowest rates ever.

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