The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Thinks I Should Get a Second Job (Hour 3)
Episode Date: June 23, 2021Debt, Insurance, Relationships, Business, Retirement, Career Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started: Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME... Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE
Transcript
Discussion (0)
🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions,
broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios,
it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king,
and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW
as the status symbol of choice.
I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author,
host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, a very exploding popular podcast.
There you go. Check it out. You don't want to miss it.
He talks about mental health there and boundaries and relationships and anxiety
and how to get along with others
and things that people don't know how to do in our culture anymore.
So we'll talk here with you about that and about your money and your life.
The phone number is 888-825-5225.
Brendan is with us in Kansas City.
Hi, Brendan.
How are you?
I'm good.
Thank you for asking.
Yeah, I've been a big fan of the show,
especially working the baby steps,
but unfortunately that's not really what I'm calling today,
more of a John situation.
Okay.
I'll try and be brief.
So my sister was going through a divorce,
so we let her and her son move in with us.
That went pretty badly.
She's dealing with some substance abuse issues.
And so we kind of confronted on that a few times.
And eventually we kind of gave her the choice to either go into rehab and get help or find somewhere else to live.
So she went into rehab, came back, was good for a month or so, relapsed.
And that's when we told her she had to go.
So her son's living with us she's
was homeless for about a week and now she's living in we flip houses on the side she's living in
a house that was flipping um so that's kind of where i'm at she kicked her out of one house
into the other one essentially yeah i just felt terrible because she had nowhere to go and me and
my wife decided we could let her live in that house
until we were done working on it and sold it.
That's not working either.
Yeah, she doesn't seem to be doing any better.
What's she abusing?
What kind of substance?
Alcoholism.
Okay.
What happened with rehab?
She went through a 30-day inpatient program.
She got back.
She didn't listen to any of their advice.
She was supposed to go to AA meetings and stuff for follow-up with things,
and she didn't really.
She did all right on her own for a few weeks
and just started drinking again and hiding it.
Is she okay with her son staying with you guys?
Yeah, yeah, and we are too.
How old is he?
He's 13 years old.
That's hard, hard, hard.
He's surprisingly a great kid, actually, with everything he's been through.
He's got an uncle that loves him.
He's got a mom that loves him, right?
Yeah.
She's struggling.
She doesn't know how to do it well, but she does love him.
So how can we help, man?
I just feel guilty like I should be helping her more, doing more for her.
But at the same time, like, she's not helping herself, so why should I be, you know, I don't know.
I feel like it's enabling to continue to be there for her.
I don't know.
I'm just struggling with have I helped enough or should I do more?
Yeah, ultimately you making sure her son's got a roof over his head
and a family that loves him and some sort of structure and boundaries
is a generational shifting gift.
Okay.
And you have given her opportunity and another opportunity, another opportunity.
I think it's going to be what you and your wife define by help.
But at the end of the day, she's going to have to come to the conclusion that she's
going to have to get help, be a part of some programs, change her life, and ultimately
decide every day for the rest of her life, and ultimately decide every
day for the rest of her life that she's going to remain sober.
And you can't do that.
You can't make that happen for her.
That's a decision that she's going to have to come to on her own.
Unfortunately, most of the time, people have to find themselves with no other place to
go.
Right?
And that's hard.
And it's heartbreaking.
But at the end of the day, you're going to end up drowning yourself and your family trying to solve somebody else's problem that you can't solve
yeah and that's like you know i feel feel guilt about that like i should
should do more for her yeah um i don't work we've kind of already let me help you you you've
may have already done too much.
Okay.
So here's what John said.
He said, define help.
So this is just regular guy talk because I don't have the letters after my name.
He does. But enablers, all of us are enablers sometimes.
And an enabler is someone who is a very nice, sweet person like you, compassionate.
And all of us have some of that, even me.
You got a lot.
And, you know, I have the ability to go there.
But what happens is where you cross the line from helping or from loving someone well to being an enabler,
meaning you're giving a drunk a drink is the classic
line, right?
Where you cross that line is where you defined help wrong.
And when you cross that line, when you say, I'm defining help as I'm now participating
in the crazy, assisting in the crazy, rather than pushing against the crazy.
And so when you allow, when you create a situation where she can continue in this,
you're participating in the crazy.
That's defining help wrong.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah, I thought so.
And so I think a negative default can be to cut off all talk.
Until you fix it, you can't talk to us, you can't see anybody.
And what I'll often say is addiction is a connection issue.
It's a lack of connection.
People go try to solve that connection through addiction.
So here's a great example.
I'm going to make sure your son always has a roof over his head.
We're going to give him structure.
I'm going to take care of him.
I'm going to be at Cracker Barrel every Saturday morning at 9 o'clock
and I'm going to pay for your breakfast and I'd love to see you.
But July
1, rent stops from us.
You're going to have to go get a job and decide
you want to get well. And what you're
doing there is, and she's going to say, you don't love
me. You don't care about me. No, I do. I love you
a lot. I love you so much. I'm not going to
create a situation where you can stay drunk all
the time. But I'm not going to create a situation where you can stay drunk all the time but i'm not i'm not gonna i'm not gonna threaten my relationship with you i'm gonna
keep showing up at cracker bar i'm gonna keep taking care of your kid and um i'm gonna cover
the cost of breakfast every time because i love you and you're my sister and you're gonna tell
me some crazy stories and they're gonna make me laugh anytime you call me i'll feed you that's
right but we're not going to pay for you to be in a situation that allows you to continue to be a drunk.
That's right.
Because that's not helping you, and I love you too much to participate in your crazy.
Yeah.
And the moment you get out of rehab and you say, I'm ready, I'm going to my AA meetings, I do my 30 days in a row.
I'll be cheering with you.
Oh, my gosh, yes.
I'll be there clapping when you get your coin.
That's right.
I'll be telling you how great you are.
I'm going to tell your son how much you love him every night.
And I'm not going to shame you when you mess up.
I'm not going to do any of that.
I'm going to be here for you.
I love you.
But I'm not going to support you while you run the habit.
There you go.
I'll be your biggest cheerleader but not your biggest benefactor.
That's tough love.
No, that's just love.
Yeah, just love.
And, hey, unfortunately for you, there is no easy way through this.
Yeah, it's a pain in the butt.
It's going to be heartbreaking.
It's a pain in the butt.
Because you have to watch people that you can't control harm themselves.
Not only you can't control them, but you love them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you know, people you love doing stupid stuff.
Heartbreaking.
They're everywhere.
Good for you for taking care of that little boy.
Very hard. Yeah, you're a good man. Yeah you for taking care of that little boy. Very hard.
Yeah, you're a good man.
Yeah.
You got a good heart.
Oh, so hard.
So hard.
It's crazy in every family.
Dicks and hurts.
If you think there's not in your family, it's you.
This is The Ramsey Show. What are your teens and preteens doing this summer?
If they're business-minded or are wanting some extra cash, the Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox is perfect for them. Best-selling author Anthony O'Neill created this toolbox to walk teens through eight easy,
practical steps for starting their own business using our proven plan.
Your teens can turn their ideas into a profitable business right from home.
Teens love the ready-to-use tools, the interactive app, and of course, the money they earn.
And you'll love the parent guide and the conversation starter flashcards that help bring up discussions
about money and hard work.
Whether it's mowing lawns or selling handmade goods, the Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox will
help your teen turn their ideas into a business.
It will also teach them hard work, leadership, responsibility, and self-confidence. Buy the Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox at our online store at DaveRamsey.com
or call our Ramsey Concier is my co-host today.
Well, the housing market is hot.
That would be an understatement.
Your house could be worth a lot more today than it was 20 minutes ago.
That is not an understatement that's the truth your old insurance policy might not give you enough coverage so if
your house is worth fifty thousand dollars more than it was a year ago and your insurance policy
has the old value stated on it that's all you will get if it burns hello you need to update
your policy and guess what your insurance agent didn't call you
either some policies automatically raise your coverage a little depending on home price but
are depending on inflation rates but not enough to cover what's going on right now and if your
agent hasn't followed up and reset your policy you do not have adequate coverage so we recommend endorsed local providers for car and
homeowners insurance and you can get a much better deal and you'll get an agent that stays on top of
things these are independent agencies agents they compare multiple policies to find the best
possible coverage for your home and your budget text home to 33 789 and talk to a trusted insurance pro about finding the right
coverage for you getting the proper amount at the best possible deal text home to 33 789
richard is with us in atlanta hi richard welcome to the ramsey show
hey guys how you guys doing today?
Better than we deserve, sir. How can we help?
Hi. So I'm in baby steps four and six.
I make about $36,000 after tax a year.
I had an idea of working the next year getting a side job
and living off the side job money,
so working about 20 hours extra a week at a different
job and pocketing my primary job's money. And I was thinking about saving it towards retirement.
So, I'll just try and get your opinion on it. I have six months saved up right now. So, I'll just
try and get you guys' opinion on it. You're single?
I am single.
I have two roommates who pay my mortgage right now.
Yep, that is my home.
How old are you?
24.
Yeah, I'm all in, man.
Doesn't hurt anything.
Is it necessary for you to have a good life?
No.
If you start saving... If they're not offering me next year, I could take a year off and work my butt off.
Doesn't hurt.
I mean, you know, I want to work hard, make more money, and have more money.
Should I do that?
Well, the answer, unless you're, you know, giving up something major in your life by doing that, is yes.
That's where money comes from.
So, yeah, there's nothing wrong with that.
But I also don't want you to think that, you know, you're 24, you make $36,000 a year, you need to panic about retirement.
You can start saving 15% of your income now and do that every year as you get raises, as your career grows, and you will be just fine.
Would it make more sense to put that towards retirement and let it grow
or put the $36,000 towards my mortgage?
Well, we teach that you should be putting 15% of your income towards retirement
and everything else towards your mortgage.
So both?
Both.
So if you make $56,000 because of working extra, then 15% of $56,000 would go into retirement that year.
And any other money you can scrape out of your budget that you want to do something important with would go towards paying off your mortgage early.
That's what we teach.
Baby steps four, five, and six.
We also teach, especially for 24-year-old go-getters, don't overcomplicate it.
Don't try to outsmart the system.
Just follow it.
Yeah.
And, you know, it does kind of feel like that you're trying to figure a way to game the system here.
And my point is you can relax a little.
I think you're doing okay.
And it's okay to work extra, make some extra money, and then just follow the process, and you're going to get there.
You're going to get there just fine.
But it's not like if I front load this thing, can I never work again?
It's like, yeah, probably.
But that's not what I find as normative among baby step millionaires, everyday millionaires that I meet everywhere.
Tracy's in Birmingham.
Hi, Tracy.
Welcome to the Ramsey Show.
Hi.
My question is, I am married to a self-made millionaire.
We've been married for three years together for a total of seven. I put my career on hold and I kind of help him with everything,
his businesses, multiple businesses. What do you do?
I, well, one job that I have that I actually get a paid salary from is I am a project slash
office manager for an electrical contracting company. Um, and we do
jobs across the nation. So that is the one job that I do to actually get a salary, um, for,
but on top of that, I help them with everything of his other businesses that he has and all his
personal things, like, you know, like a normal couple would. But when we got married, I signed a prenup because I know, you know,
I understand that you, everything before me is yours and your success is yours.
But I'm starting to feel like we're never going to build together.
And I've put my career on hold, and I'm helping out with him and his things.
So...
Tracy, what else is going on?
There's actually a lot
I've been wanting to have
kids
and that's something that
I feel like he's stringing me along with as well
and
I feel like everything in our lives
is his.
Like, there's nothing that's ours.
Like, I don't feel like he values my opinion or me. You know why you feel this way?
Because that's the truth.
It's true.
That's why you feel this way.
Yeah.
You're not crazy.
Yeah.
Hey, Tracy.
You know what?
It's funny that you say that, John,
because he has been saying that I need to go to a psychiatrist.
Yes.
Because there's no reason why I should be unhappy with my wife because he provides me with all these things that I don't ask for.
Except for meaning.
He tells you what you're going to like and what you're going to love and what you need,
and then he provides that without giving you any input on the things that you
want and need.
And you're living somebody else's life.
It is correct.
Just like we all,
um,
we all got Biden.
We didn't all,
people got Biden checks.
They didn't get value and purpose,
right?
It's very similar.
Right.
You're not crazy.
It's the gaslighter special.
When you say,
Hey, I'm not doing okay. And they say they say well you should probably go see somebody right yeah dave said it the right he was right on
you feel this way because it's true yeah and i um i'm a very hard worker i'm very frugal
you said you've been married three years how old are are you? I'm 35. How old is he?
He is 51.
Yeah, he's acting like a daddy.
Yep.
It's not just the year differentiation.
You're acting like a daughter slash employee.
Yeah.
He's a wee bit overbearing, don't you think?
I feel like I'm more of an employee.
Yeah.
I wonder what would happen if you quit.
I have threatened that in the past. I wouldn't threaten it.
I'd just do it.
Don't threaten.
I'm saying, what would happen?
I think the dynamic would change.
It changes for a moment, and then, you know, he says all the right things, and then...
Now, hold on.
What are you getting paid to be the project coordinator slash administrative assistant?
What do you make a year?
Approximately like $50,000.
Okay.
You can go find another $50,000 job.
Yeah, go find a different job.
Go find a different job.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
And the thing that he always says is that I am spoiled and entitled because he pays all the bills, which he has said.
Hey, hold on, hold on.
I don't care what he says anymore.
All of a sudden, what he says doesn't matter.
I've heard enough of it.
Yeah, you don't work for him anymore.
Now you all have a chance to work on your marriage because you're not fixing your estate.
You need to go get a job without him and let the marriage counselor navigate you through uh setting this guy up for one possible chance to win or two possible chances to win and then
this isn't going to go well yeah it's already not going well yeah i'm so sorry i'm heartbroken for
you John, somewhere around 2% of the public should be institutionalized.
Probably higher than that.
They're crazier than a bean.
So let me tell you how crazy.
There's nothing crazier than a crazy Christian either.
So Deborah from Maryland calls at the break, won't go on the air,
and tells Kelly to tell you and I that we missed the last call,
that we screwed up the poor lady who's dealing with an overbearing, out-of-control
husband and says that you and I are not very Christian because if we were real Christians,
we would have told the woman to submit and she would be happy.
This is what you call an idiot.
Whoa.
Deborah, you're an idiot.
We didn't miss it.
You did.
And people like you give Christianity a bad name.
When you misinterpret Scripture and you think that someone should live in a toxic situation.
An abusive situation.
With an abusive husband.
And you call that submission.
That's not submission.
That's idiocy.
Wow.
Was I unclear?
I don't fully understand what you're talking about.
Just kidding.
Can you help me?
Goodness gracious.
Oh, man. talking about just goodness gracious oh man well the proof that there will always be a need for
your show and mine the future mental health practitioners of america thank you wow that
breaks my heart man yeah well i mean yeah you're yeah you want your daughter in that no so you she
want her daughter in that no her daughter walks in and is treated that way. You should just submit.
I just want... Wow.
Yeah, as two guys who have daughters who are brilliant and intelligent and very strong...
And as two guys who have wonderful, strong, brilliant wives...
Golly.
Who are not overbearing and don't tell us what to do, but we're not overbearing and tell them what to do.
We like work as a team.
Yeah.
Submit yourselves one to another.
It should be a race to the bottom in marriage.
Remember that bottom?
That's the scripture thing.
Yes.
It's in the scriptures.
Okay.
All right.
We've got to talk to these wonderful people,
and let's change the subject and go positive now.
Three, two, one.
Christopher and Ananda are on the debt-free stage.
Right here at Ramsey Solution. Way to go. Thank you, one. Christopher and Ananda are on the debt-free stage. Right here at Ramsey Solution.
Way to go.
Thank you, Dave.
How much debt have you guys paid off?
We've paid off $110,000.
All right.
How long did that take?
19 months.
Good for you.
And your range of income?
We had a decent shovel.
We started at $180,000, $185,000, and now we're north of $200,000.
Just north of $200,000.
Cool.
What do you all do for a living?
I am a cloud IT engineer.
I'll bet you are.
I'm a Lutheran school principal.
Wonderful.
Wow.
Cool.
Where do you all live?
We're just outside of St. Louis, O'Fallon, Illinois.
Yeah.
Okay.
Wonderful.
Yeah.
So good to have you guys.
It's good to be here, Dave.
Yeah.
Very, very well done.
How much, what was this $110 110 000 in debt um all the usual
stuff i had about 60 some thousand in student loans uh and we had the cars and we had the credit
cards we had a little bit of medical in there too uh just the gambit you know very cool yeah good
good so you're kind of normal we're very normal how long y'all been married? It'll be 16 years on Friday.
So what was the wake-up call 19 months ago?
Oh, gosh.
Well, we had lots of red flags, lots of warning signs.
The one that finally got to us was we sat down with one of our church's financial planners for estate giving in the future, thinking about that stuff.
And we realized when we did all of the paperwork and the balancing of the pros and the cons
and the plus and the minuses, we had nothing really to give other than life insurance.
Your assets and liabilities equaled zero.
Zero.
We're broke.
No net worth.
That's right.
That's right.
So it was kind of a pointless thing to go through, getting all this together and not
having anything to leave anybody.
It was a wake-up call.
That was a wake-up call.
We wanted to do something different, better for us, better for our kids,
and change the family tree.
Good for you guys.
Very neat.
That's wonderful.
So what did you do?
Well, shortly after that, we also had a small vacation,
kind of an extended weekend to Kansas City,
and we had to really pare that down because we had no money.
Again, back to the no money thing.
And those two things kind of hit us at the same time. And I started watching YouTube videos. YouTube got me over to Dave Ramsey trying to find answers to how to fix this. And
countless hours spent watching that and then listening to the podcast. And then I
total money makeover, read the book and talked to Ananda about
it and yeah we went through um we did the Financial Peace University we did it on our own at home
yeah went through the first two steps together uh watched the videos and read through the book and
um did those things got the every dollar app and we were really um you know very religious about
paying attention to that and making sure that we knew
where every dollar was going and planning it out and um yeah so we we were able to do uh all of
that debt payoff but also do a lot of other things too that we didn't even really think about doing
for example we were able to cash flow a master's degree for me in that 19 months while we were also paying off
the debt so for you yeah it's just about got intentional huh yeah being smart and prioritizing
and making good choices i i i called into the show uh later of last uh 2019 oh well no you 18. Uh-oh. Was I nice to you? Well, no, you shouldn't have been.
We were doing okay enough to be extremely done with our money.
And that was the kick in the pants that I needed to realize that, hey, we're squandering.
I wasn't nice to you. You weren't nice to me.
We're squandering the resources that God's provided for us and blessed us with.
And it really doesn't matter how big or how small those resources are. You can squander
two pennies if you're
done with money. And so we had
to get smart with money, and you helped us along
that way. Well, you know
I was only mean to you because I love you. Yeah, I know it.
I know it.
So glad. Oh my gosh.
That's incredible. You know you've got to make some choices
when you have to curb a vacation
to Kansas short. That's right. That's when you look in the mirror and say you've got to make some choices when you have to curb a vacation to Kansas short.
That's right.
That's when you look in the mirror and say, we should probably make some changes.
Yep.
We live in the Midwest, and we went to the Midwest for a vacation.
And you had to take a left turn.
We did.
We did.
Wow.
We did.
Incredible.
That's right.
Yep.
And I love the school principal telling us all we should make good choices.
Such a principal thing to say. That's fantastic. the school principal telling us all we should make good choices.
Such a principal thing to say.
That's fantastic.
I'm going to be very good at my job if I did it.
You're incredible.
That's amazing. Hey, everybody.
So what do you tell people now that you did this that the key to getting out of debt is?
I know for me, I actually tell a lot of the teachers that I work with at our school, and
our church has sponsored this program before and run the classes through the church, too.
But I do tell people it's actually easier than you think that it will be.
I felt like it was.
I know my husband had to pull me along a little bit at the beginning.
He and I are both very strong personalities.
And so that was tricky to start with at the beginning to figure out, you know, who was going to sort of take the reins and lead.
But so you weren't like submissive.
No.
Yeah.
No.
Exactly.
I don't struggle with that.
He does, but you don't.
To those of you listening, she is wringing her hands.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
By the way, I figured that out real early.
I love it.
But no, I tell people that it's a lot easier than you think.
And that for us too, it's about what we can do in a short amount of time so that for the long future, we're able to live and give like nobody else.
Live like no one else.
And you've changed the trajectory of their life.
Good for you guys.
The kiddos over there.
I'll tell you this about them too.
So my husband would listen to the podcast in his car with the boys all the time
when he took them to school and picked them up from school.
And there was one day I hadn't listened to the show,
and there was one day in the backseat of the car that these two said,
welcome to the Dave Ramsey show where debt is dumb
and cash is king
and they could do
the whole opener.
Oh my gosh.
That's awesome.
They know when you ask them
how they're doing,
they say better than I deserve.
I like these guys.
I like these guys.
What are their names and ages?
So this is Lucas
and he's 10
and Jonah is 8
and Micah is 2.
Good looking man. Good-looking man.
Awesome.
Very good.
Very good.
Well, well done, you guys.
We're very proud of you.
We've got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you to take you into the next chapter of your story,
definitely leaving a legacy for these young guys,
and a copy of the Totem Money Makeover for you to give away to somebody who helped you,
and you can give away a copy to someone else and pay it forward.
So very, very, very well done.
I'm so proud of you guys.
Thank you.
Excellent, excellent work.
All right, Christopher and Ananda, Lucas, Jonah, and Micah of St. Louis,
$110,000 paid off in 19 months, making $180,000 to $200,000.
Count it down.
Let's hear a debt-free scream.
Three, two, one.
We're debt-free!
Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Three, two, one. We're debt free! Love it!
This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. our scripture of the day matthew 5 16 come to me all you who are weary and burdened
and i will give you rest. Elizabeth Elliot said,
Of one thing I am perfectly sure,
God's story never ends with ashes.
Our question of the day comes from the good people at Blinds.com.
You can find out for yourself why they are the number one online retailer
of custom window coverings.
You get free samples, free shipping,
and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.
Use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best possible deal.
Two months ago, today's question comes from Alicia in Arkansas.
Man, this is a good one.
Two months ago, we started on the baby steps.
My husband made a budget, and I'm sticking to it.
There isn't much wiggle room to lower the budget as we have three children.
My husband works two jobs from 6.30 a.m. to 12.30 a.m.
I have a day job where I can bring our two youngest children so we don't have child care costs.
My husband thinks that if I was truly on board with getting out of debt, I'd get a second job.
Caring for our children and home is already a full-time job, and I can't be away from home as many hours as he is.
Could I please have some guidance as to what is realistic for me to do? Can I tell you what I first read this?
You know what it sounds like?
It sounds like an exhausted dad and an exhausted husband.
And who's...
Feels stuck.
Feels stuck, and so he's getting this comparative sacrifice game.
I'm sacrificing more than you, so my sacrifice is more valuable than yours.
And, man, that's just an exhausted person who's out of steam and out of gas
and needs to take a break for a second before everything just burns down.
That's hard.
Yeah, there's one of two things going on in the math there,
both of which are causing stuck, or either of which is causing stuck.
Thing one is the income is very low.
Even though he's working like crazy, he's not making any money.
And so there's not enough income to just keep the wolf away from the door, so to speak.
If that's the case, you have a career Ken Coleman moment here.
You need to be thinking about working smarter, not harder.
And I know that's cliche, but you probably need to not make minimum freaking wage and work 800 hours.
You cannot get ahead doing that.
So you've got to do something where you make more money if that's the case.
The other possible thing is you're making plenty of money, but you're sitting on two $45,000 cars with $800 payments. And you're suggesting that she go do this instead of selling these stupid butt cars you have
or this house you bought that you can't afford.
The house payment is 50% of your take-home pay, and you need to sell the stinking house.
Something is in the log jam here.
And, you know, the old lumberjacks in the old days, my great-great-grandfather, David L. I,
owned a lumber company back in the turn of the century.
And they would cut timber in Kentucky or eastern Tennessee or western North Carolina.
And they would, the huge logs, they put them in the river.
And that's how they transported them.
There were no big trucks to take them.
They'd float them and they'd ride them and poke them.
And if the river had a horseshoe bend, it hit the corner, those logs would would pile up and that's called a log jam jam yeah that's the name yeah you know
how they fix the log jam throw dynamite in the middle of it blow it up and then the thing you
know blow some of them out and they start flowing around again so you throw dynamite the middle of
a log jam is how you fix it and so when you've got a mathematical log jam you got to blow it up yeah you gotta sell the house you gotta sell the cars you throw dynamite in the middle of a log jam is how you fix it. And so when you've got a mathematical log jam,
you've got to blow it up.
You've got to sell the house.
You've got to sell the cars.
You've got to sell
everything in sight.
And so either you've got
a bunch of things around there
that the payment's on
you can't afford
or you have an income issue.
It might be a little of both,
but it's probably
distinctly one or the other.
What are the chances
of a number three
that I've heard
throughout my career,
which is a guy goes to work.
This is traditionally a guy goes to work and works real hard and thinks his wife is just, quote unquote, sitting around at home.
She just gets to play with the kids all day.
Well, I'm off X, Y and Z.
And it'd be nice if she got off her butt every once in a while and went and did it you know yeah i run into that sometimes um but most of the time it's because he doesn't think that we can make it if she doesn't oh so it's it's just it still goes back to a math problem
i mean most of the time there's a sense of we're stuck in other words let's say this let's say okay
he's working and she he thinks she's kind of sitting on her butt but he's making three hundred
thousand dollars a year and they got no money problems.
Yeah.
That usually doesn't come up then.
Right.
He goes, okay, sit there and eat bonbons.
You know, I mean, you know, and he's kind of done that.
Maybe there's some respect issues or something like that, but he's not like slamming his fist on the kitchen table going, why don't you go to work, you lazy bum.
Right, right.
You know, that usually doesn't come up there.
Where it comes up is when things are tight.
Yeah.
Usually.
Usually. I'm scared. I when things are tight. Yeah. Usually. Usually.
I'm scared.
I feel stuck.
I feel hopeless.
You know, hope deferred makes the heart sick, Proverbs says.
And so that's kind of what's going on.
So, you know, I'm with you.
I don't think this is a bad guy.
I think he's a tired guy.
Yeah.
Or a stuck guy.
And he can't see his way out.
And he's going, we got to do something.
And his version of dynamite is putting the wife out again yeah you know go you know you're not making enough i'm
doing all i can do so you got to row harder and i always want somebody this reminds me my
grandmother used to tell me she after she had her fourth kid she always wanted to go back to work
and my granddad used to say we can't afford for you to go back to work because child care costs
were so expensive and they've accelerated exponentially since back then.
And so I always want to model this out, too.
Before you go get a second job, here's what it's going to cost to put two or three kids in daycare.
And buy professional clothing and put the car on the road more.
Right.
And fatigue food because I'm not here to cook.
There you go.
And pre-prepared food is more expensive than cooking from scratch.
It's also not as good for you.
But it takes more time at home to cook prepared food, I mean, to cook from scratch.
So, yeah, there's tons of value that the home economist economically actually brings.
That's exactly right.
So there's something about you two need to get away for a minute and just stop and say, where are we?
Yeah.
Where are we? He's a hardworking guy guy he's not a bad guy and she's
hard worker too yeah he they both are but i mean she's pretty pissed at him the way i agree between
the lines here yeah oh yeah she didn't like that no she didn't like him calling her lazy
yeah and when i see somebody working full-time and taking two kids to work with them they're not
right they're not she's not yeah they're in a log jam i like that i like that analogy dave sometimes you just got to throw dynamite in it and say we need to
figure something else out it's got to blow up here because what we're doing is not working
keep doing the same thing over and over again definition of insanity expecting a different
result sophia's in san antonio texas hi sophia how are you hi how are you guys great how can we help so i'm a college student and in my last few years of
high school i was able to save a pretty good amount of money and so now i'm wondering how
much should i invest and how much should i sort of hold on to in savings uh what are you studying? I'm studying cybersecurity.
You're cool, Sophia.
You are going to make so much money.
I'm so proud of you.
When did you say you're going to graduate?
I'm going to graduate in three years.
Cool.
Are you going to come work for us?
Come on, Sophia.
Actually, I'm in Air Force ROTC.
I actually have a scholarship there.
Very good.
Good for you. So how long will you be in the service?
At least four years.
After school.
But I plan to serve longer.
Okay.
Good for you.
Thank you for your service.
Thank you for how bright you are and how mature you are way beyond your years.
So here's the thing I usually tell people is the the main investment we need to make the most return mathematically on investment the
most roi you can get return on investment is investing in this wonderful product called
sophia studying cyber security that completing that degree a% on time, debt-free, no stress,
pile of money in the bank when you do it,
is more valuable than the money you might make on a mutual fund
if you tried to invest some of the money and then ended up messing around
and getting a student loan because something bad happened to your money.
Right.
Literally.
The actual money you will make in the field of study you're in is way more
than you're going to make on a mutual fund so wait until you graduate to start your investing
you'll be just fine you're going to be doing great i would just pile up a big old pile of cash
and when you graduate you've got all kinds of options with that cash all kinds of things you
can do with that cash then, and you can get out.
And so, you know, John, in a world where everybody hates colleges and universities now based on how expensive they are
and this epic student loan crisis with our Borrowed Future podcast,
we still believe in higher education when you study something that's usable.
Yeah, and when you can be intentional and pay for it.
Yeah, and she's did all of the above.
Very, very bright.
Very bright.
That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books.
Our thanks to James Childs, our producer, Kelly Daniel, our associate producer, and phone screener.
I am Dave Ramsey, your host.
We'll be back with you before you know it.
In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace,
and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.
This is James Childs, producer of The Ramsey Show.
You can listen to all our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone.
Browse by topic or even send clips to your friends.
Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.