The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Wants to Buy a $5,000 Gun (Hour 1)

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us, America. My co-host today is Christy Wright, Ramsey personality. And we absolutely are looking forward to taking your calls. The phone number, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Mark is going to start us off in Manchester, New Hampshire. Hey, Mark, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. What's up? Hey, Dave, how's it going? Better than I deserve. How can we help? I have a question. Me and my family moved here recently, about four years ago, and we got here illegally.

We are, we accumulated debt on the way, just trying to get our life started. And I want to have a question for you. I recently moved out. I paid off almost like $80,000 worth of debt with my current future wife. And I want to see, like, from my parents' point of view, they still have about, like, $20,000 worth of debt, making $60,000 a year. They're in their 60s, and I want them to like pay off their debt and save for retirement, I guess, what would be your action. Okay. What does their debt have to do with you?

I'm confused. Other than you just wish good things for them. You wish good things for them, but other than that? It doesn't have to do anything with me. It's just like they moved here and they made four financial decisions. I guess more of my question is how would they save up for retirement of being in their 60s right now? I see.

Okay. And where did they move from? Lebanon. And when? 2013? Okay. 2014? Okay. All right. lebanon and when uh 2013 okay 2014 okay all right cool and so they have a household income of 60,000 and how would someone in their 60s with that and 20,000 dollars worth of debt save up for retirement is that what you're saying correct christy i think they're gonna kick their income up and they're gonna be working a while yeah and i'm curious mark i've got one follow-up question are they already talking about it and and they're opposed to kick their income up, and they're going to be working a while, right? Yeah, and I'm curious, Mark. I've got one follow-up question. Are they already talking about it, and they're opposed to it?

Like, you talk to them about it, and they're opposed to it, or this is not even just on their radar? Because that's a little bit different how you approach it if you're coming from a position of they're oppositional to the idea, or it's not even on their radar, and you want to introduce it from an encouraging perspective. Well, it's on their radar. It's just they're having trouble with their debt primarily right now. And then with them getting older and their health issues getting worse, I guess, that would be thinking of retirement in the next, like, 10 years. Sure. Okay. That makes sense.

I mean, because a lot of times we have people call in and, you know, their parents just are not on board and not interested in hearing about it. So the fact that they're already thinking about it, I think is good. I think, you know, one of the approaches you can take, just like Dave said, with encouraging them to increase their income, whether it's a side business, take an additional job, whatever that is for the short term, not for the long term, for the short term to get this debt paid off. But if you come from a really encouraging perspective, I think a lot of times they can look at this as, well, we're older or it's too late or blah, blah, blah. It's like you can really encourage them, show them what's possible. Hey, if you increased your income to this and you set a goal to get it paid off by this time, you could kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel and get motivated by seeing the possibilities that may kind of light a fire under them as well.

Exactly. How old are they exactly? Sixty-six, sixty-seven. Okay. Late sixties then. All right. Well, it's going to take a year if they're on beans and rice to pay off $20,000 making $60,000.

Okay. So one year's done doing that. The next four months is going to be spent building their emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. And then from there, they're going to just do all they can to build a nest egg and to get into a position to retire at that point. The book that we have that would help the most with that is Chris Hogan's first number one bestseller called Retire Inspired. But it doesn't change the baby steps. The baby steps are based on the shortest distance

from where you are today to become wealthy. What is the shortest distance? And the shortest distance is the same when you're 26 or 66. It's clear through the debt and with no payments, you build an emergency fund and then you dive on the retirement grenade in this case, and you go crazy on it. So hold on. I'll have Kelly pick up, and we'll send you a copy of Chris's book, Retire Inspired. Danny is in Cincinnati. Hi, Danny.

How are you? Hi, Dave. How are you today? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, I've got a question. I'm going to be turning 72 here in October, and I've been doing some reading, and I haven't lost my hour rate. I haven't talked. I'm having trouble hearing you 72 here in October, and I've been doing some reading, and I have a lost IRA.

I haven't talked to it. I'm having trouble hearing you. Your phone's muffled. Can you speak directly into it? Okay. How's this? Can you hear me now? Yes, sir.

Okay. Okay. I'm in my late 70s. I'm going to be turning 72 here in October, and I have a lost IRA. I sort of just kept it in the closet there and haven't done anything with it. And I got about $30,000 in it. And I know if I read it correctly, I think the government now says when I turn 72, it's going to be mandatory withdrawal.

I'm just wondering if you have any ideas what I should do with it, change it over into a, I guess, a taxable type of mutual funds? Or do you have any other suggestions? Yeah, I'm not positive it's mandatory withdrawals on a Roth. I think it's only on traditionals. So double-check that with your investment advisor. And if it is, then take the required minimum distributions and just move those into other investments is what I would do in this case.

Or it's only $30,000. If you've got another nest egg you're really planning to live on, maybe you enjoy some of this money as it's coming on out. And, you know, that might be a way to get at that. James is with us in St. Augustine, Florida. Hi, James. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave.

Hey, what's up? Hey, well, I just read Financial Peace and Total Money Makeover a few years ago, but never really got on board with doing everything exactly as it was laid out. And then at the beginning of this month, my wife and I decided we were going to do it. I jumped on first, and after she saw I was serious, she was all gung-ho. We had, other than what was already in the account for bills, we had $1.58 at that time. And within 15 days, we had the $1,000 emergency fund, and we're staring at $30,000, a little less, $29,000 in debt right now that we've got to get out of. And our budget is bare minimum and already maxed out.

She just had to go back to work to bring in more money. And we're looking at it, and I was trying to keep up the intensity and with no desire to slow down, I got a brainstorm on what I could do. And I figured it out. Our house, we're house poor right now. We're at probably 50% of our income is going towards our mortgage payment. And it's, you know, for what it is, it's a great deal and everything. But for us, it's more than we can handle right now. We've been making it for three years there,

but I figured it up. And if I sold the house, I have equity in it. We could probably sell it for $300,000. I have some friends who have a trailer not too far from us that they rent out for a double line. They rent out for like $800 a month, which is extremely low. Everything else in our area rents for like $2,000 a month. And I didn't realize until I was talking to these friends that they actually did financial peace, and they're actually step seven, done with debt-free and everything. All right, I'll tell you what, when we come back from this break,

we'll get the rest of your details and make sure we can give you a good, solid answer. Hang with me. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. No matter what time of year it is, focusing on your family's financial plan is always a smart move. I get questions all the time about where to start and what to do first. One of the most crucial and affordable first steps to take is to protect your family and get term life insurance. I know it's not glamorous, but all the other steps mean a lot less if something happens to you and your family has no financial protection. Getting term life insurance needs to be a top priority. I recommend 10 to 12 times your income and lock in rates for 15 to 20 years.

This gives you plenty of time to get out of debt and build wealth. I've been recommending Zander Insurance for over 20 years, and they understand and live this strategy and will take the time to help you find the most affordable term life rates. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. It's not that expensive, it's not complicated, and you discussing with James in St. Augustine, Florida. He's got a house payment of 50% of his take-home pay. They just started their financial peace journey, and his friend offered to let him sell his house and move into their trailer for $800 a month.

The friend was an FPU grad as well. That's a fair summary of what you told me so far? Pretty much, yeah. What's your household income? The household income is about $41,000. My wife just started working. She'd been working and took some time off. She just started back.

And so when she works a full year, I want to say it's like $7,200 that she brings in. She just works a couple nights a week as an at-home care nurse. $7,200 a year? Yeah, she works like a couple nights a week. It winds up being like $150 a week that she that she takes home okay and she's a nurse uh yes sir yeah she um she started doing that a while back just to uh get make a little extra money you know to help out okay so how much is your house payment the house payment with the well the actual payment is only like $925, but with the mortgage and the property taxes, it bumps it up like $1,503.53.

Okay, so you're dropping at about $500 or $600. Now, is your wife staying at home because there's kids? Yeah, we have three kids, a four-year-old, a three-year-old, and one turns a year old in a couple weeks. Oh, y'all are in the trenches, James. The little ones. What's that? Y'all are in the trenches with the little ones.

Oh, yeah. And so the four-year-old's very opinionated. He's not totally on board with the house selling. That's part of my question. The four-year-old has something to say about this. Yeah. Let me help you with this so he doesn't get a vote, okay? Well, he doesn't have a vote, so I'm trying to say about this yeah let me help you with this he doesn't get a vote okay um he doesn't

have a vote so i'm trying to say how do i you know go about being a benevolent dictator yeah we're just gonna it's gonna be an adventure we're moving pack your stuff um the uh i have i could sell it for if i could get 300 for it which it's worth that i would list it for like 320 and try to get 300 but if i did that i could pay off the 29 000 in debt plus i could uh after paying off my own house i owe about 175 on the house pay that off plus 129 uh i mean the 29 rather that i have in in in debt besides the house plus i could get six months all in the emergency fund all in one shot and still be staying on 110 for a down payment on another place why don't you just do that why do you have to move to the trailer

well because i have to be somewhere in between because i have to sell the house and have the money sitting on it because you don't in this area no you don't i don't no you put the house up for sale and you accept a contract on it and you go buy another one contingent contingent upon the closing of your house okay it's done every day you just need to move down in houses all yeah yeah i thought you could find something james in in the area you want to be in or somewhere close to it that is better than this trailer option that you would feel great about, that you could still afford, still pay off your debt, all the things you're saying,

it's just going to happen without moving to the trailer. How long have you been working this plan? A month? Maybe a week. Okay. Let's push pause here, okay? You don't need to sell your house right now. I'm not sure that this is all that's going on. So you're just thrashing around in a brand new set of enthusiasms that you have. So you may need to sell the house, but let's wait six months. Let's work the plan for six months. The other thing I'm seeing here is if your wife is a nurse, she can do a lot more hours and still do child care for herself, still take care of her children.

She can pick up 312s and really make a good living and do that on some weekends and stuff for a short period of time, and you guys clean up some of these messes. I suspect if you clean up these messes and your income changes because she's working more than a couple of $150 a month worth as a nurse, that means she's not working at all, then I think we rearrange and we look at her career track. And again, if she has a desire to be a full-time mom,

I'm not saying that's a bad thing. The beautiful thing about being a nurse is there's a lot of different ways you can structure making some good money. That's what I'm saying, more than that. Around kids. Yes. And with kids and all that kind of thing. So that's exactly what I would do in this case. I would just wait a little bit and let's see how this works out. You know, like after the first of the year, if you're still struggling and you haven't made any progress, which I would be surprised, you may want to sell the house and move down.

But I think right now that's going to be premature. So, hey, thanks. We appreciate it. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. Christy Wright is Ramsey Personality co-host here on the air today. And up next is going to be Sarah, and Sarah is in New York City. Hi, Sarah.

How are you? Good. How are you? Better than we deserve. How can we help? So I'm a really new listener, so thank you for having me on. My question is more about my parents' situation. So basically a couple years ago, my siblings and I kind of discovered that they had just like an astronomical amount of debt and tried to help them.

They ended up having to file bankruptcy. And it's still at the point where they're like, especially my mom is resistant to doing the right thing and like cutting their spending and budgeting and making sure everything works so that they can get through this. And my issue is more just the frustration and the stress and the anxiety of having to deal with that. And it's just wrecking my relationship with my parents. And like every time I speak to them, it always comes back to this. And I can't even just sit down to dinner with them because I start to get like angry and upset. So that's sort of where we're at now. I've got a question, Sarah. Does the conversation come back to this again and again

because you're bringing it up because you really want them to change their behavior with money? Or are you all, are the children, you and your siblings, giving them money and bailing them out whenever they get in a tough spot? It's both. It's both. So it's like we've helped them. I've helped with, because I don't want to just give them cash because I know it will just disappear. I've helped with bills, you know, like utility necessities, things that they need to pay. And then, you know, my siblings have helped out. So it's that, but it's also then we like forced them

to join and like give access to their bank accounts so we could monitor it. And then basically I go in that or my siblings go in that and we see all this still like shopping and things that caused the problem in the first place. So it's like they're not. How old are they? They're in their late 70s, like close to 80. Okay.

Well, I mean, this has been going on for a long time, hasn't it? Yeah. So, um, you know, we found out about it three years ago, but clearly the amount that they had racked up was over like decades probably. And, um, you know, it took us a long time to even just get them to the point where they would be open and telling the truth. Like, I had to pull their credit report. And how long ago was that? That was a year. It was early 2019.

Not that long ago. And that was, yeah, and so that was when. When did you get on their bank accounts? Around that time. So when that was the point where we're just like everybody had had enough. You guys are going to have to decide as a group. The siblings are going to have to decide. Hopefully they can decide as a group.

Are we going to completely take this over and run it for them, or are we going to shake the dust off our boots and just let them be what they be? If I'm in your shoes, if I'm going to continue to give them money they are no longer having access to anything except the allowance that i give them and you're the parent other than that i become a parent as if they were mentally disabled yeah and you were just going to care for them out of the money that they have coming in and you can show them a statement for them out of the money that they have coming in. And you can show them a statement where the money's going, and that means, Mom, you get pocket money this much, Dad, you get pocket money that much,

and no, you don't have access to anything else. Or you don't get any more money from me, and I'm just going to have to watch you spiral into the wall. And you're going to have to decide which one. This middle ground is what's killing all of you. Trying to do both. This is the Dave Ramsey Show today, Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, in the lobby on the debt-free stage right here at Ramsey Solutions.

Carl and Danielle are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Great. How are you? Fantastic, Dave. Welcome. Where do you guys live? We're in Ohio, just a little bit west of Pittsburgh. Oh, fun. Welcome to Nashville. Good to have you. And all the way down here to do a debt-free scream. Yes, sir. Love it. How much have you paid off?

$41,000. Neat. How long did that take? Nine months. All right. Man, you did it fast. And your range of income during that time? Last year, we made $125,000, and this year, we're scheduled about $150,000. Nice. Well done. Very cool. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a nurse. I work in a billing office.

Okay. Good. What kind of debt was the $41,000? A tractor and a driveway. A tractor and a driveway. Those are not things we usually hear on this stage. True. What's the tractor for?

So we built a house, and we have like 25 acres, and he thought he needed a tractor. He, he, a little finger pointing there. The driveway was in a horrible location, so we had to make a better driveway, but we didn't have the funds to do that, so we ended up taking a loan out to make the driveway happen okay and uh use the tractor to do some of it probably yes yeah okay all right so uh what happened nine months ago that made you just say all right we got these two weird little debts we're getting rid of them well uh actually started about 10 years ago and we liked your program so much we did it it three times. Oh, my God. Third time's a charm.

Third time's a charm. Yeah. So originally we got married, and I was at the library, public library, because we had no money to do anything else. And I was looking for a book on money. And I saw a couple books, and I saw Dave Ramsey. I said, who's this guy? We'll look at this. Took it home.

And total moneymaker. Read the book. And I was like, oh, we got to try this. We got to try this. And I got her on board. We did it. And it was $67,000 worth of debt initially. And then I fell off the wagon. She stayed strong.

We took in some more debts. Just vehicle debt. Stupid debt. We paid all of that off. And then we went back in debt again. Then I fell off the wagon again. I fell off the wagon. She was my rock.

So what are we going to do to keep you on the wagon, brother? We need to camp here for a second. We need a coin. Get a little seatbelt. We need coins. One-year coin, five-year coins. So are you done this time? Yes, we're done.

We actually drove down in a car that we paid cash for. That's a good thing. Awesome. Yes. That's a good thing. Awesome. Yes. I think this time, honestly, we, you know, we were doing this whole debt-free like so many times. And we went to build a house because we thought that was going to make us happy. And, you know, I get on Pinterest too much. And I thought that I could have a Pinterest house.

And, you know, we had a certain income. And I kind of threw some little fits and we ended up building the house that we thought was going to make us happy. And, um, and we are happy with it. We love our house, but, um, we had all this, we accrued all this debt and there was a point in my life. I'm like, our marriage was starting to get a little, um, rocky. I don't know why. I don't know what happened because we've always been best friends and I didn't know why I wasn't happy. And I remember driving to work one day and I just felt the lowest point of my life. And I'm like, we have everything we wanted, but we're not happy.

And I dropped my phone in between the console of my car in the seat and I shouldn't have been driving digging for my phone but I was and I pulled out the cd from like fpu from a long time ago and I'm like where'd this come from and I remember this flood of emotions come over me and I'm like wow like if we would have done things right we wouldn't be here like I just felt like hopeless. I was like, why did we do this? And, um, I put in the CD and I think it was like lesson four about gazelle intensity. And I'm pretty sure I cried on the way to work. So I get home and I'm scrambling through our garage cause we still haven't unpacked completely yet. And, um, I found the whole case of all the CDs, but, um, I was missing the first three because just like money, you don't lend people stuff because you don't get it back. So I happened to get online to

look you up to see how I could get those first three CDs because I needed to do it again. And while I'm on your site, I realized I'm like, well, who's this Rachel Cruz person? And who's this Chris Hogan guy? So I was looking, I went to the library and it was when I read Rachel Cruz's book, like that changed my life. I realized that I was chasing the wrong things. I thought the house was going to make me happy. I thought, you know, I needed all these nice clothes and I needed to have the perfect house, but what's important is my family and God and, you know, our life and it's not the stuff. So we like sold everything. I mean, we haven't had a kitchen table for, we finally got our kitchen table. We haven't had one for like four years. And we were like gazelle intense. And it was in that time I realized it wasn't the stuff making us happy.

So we did nothing. The beans and rice was like, we didn't even have beans in our kitchen. It was just rice. We did a lot of hiking. It was free hiking. Hiking and running. And when I read that book and we started to come together and realize we don't need this stuff. We just need each other and to get right so we can live a life that we want to live and inspire others.

It was in that moment. And then I read Chris Hogan's book and I crunched some numbers because I'm kind of the nerd here. And I was like, holy cow, we can probably be millionaires by the time we're 40. We can do it. It's going to be hard. And we still have to kind of live a simple life. But it's doable. So, I mean, those goals, I think you have to have goals that are bigger than you thought.

Like, you have to believe. You can do anything. We live in a beautiful country that you can come from nothing because we did come from nothing um um we're we're making something of ourselves amen so love your life not theirs exactly yeah that's amazing i love rachel cruz she's amazing that's cool she is it's so cool too how your situation didn't change you changed yes and that's what changed the situation i thought if i could change the house change change the car change these you know different how your situation didn't change. You changed. Yes. And that's what changed the situation. You thought, if I could change the house, change the car, change these, you know, different factors, and they didn't change. You did.

Yeah. And it changed everything. It changed everything. That's really cool. Yeah. Well done, you guys. Yeah. Okay.

What's your son's name, and how old is he? Aiden, and he's 10. All right. So what do you guys, now that you've done it, and how you got out of debt and how you're going to stay on the wagon, what are the secrets? I think just honestly stop chasing the rat race that we do in America. Simplicity. Just love the simple things and be humble because when you have nothing, you realize when you get stuff how much more enjoyable it is.

Just contentment. And little victories. If you try to pay off $67,000 or $41,000 for the debt, it's insurmountable. But if you can do it, you know, $500 here, $1,000 here, it's definitely doable. Small victories make big wars. Yeah. Amen. That's awesome.

Amen. Well done, you guys. I'm proud of you. Thanks. Thank you. Very well done done i'm sure rachel is as well good stuff good stuff we've got a copy of chris's other book for you everyday millionaires and i guess you've got that one already so we'll get you a different one if you want something else whatever you want as your as your gift here for being with us and we're very proud of you all

right it's carl and danielle and aiden from just west of Pittsburgh. $41,000 paid off in nine months, making $125,000 to $150,000. This is the last time. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! I love it. I love it.

I love it. That's amazing. Very few people win at something as a linear projection. Most of the time there's some ups and downs, and sometimes the downs are even a complete falling off the wagon. Yeah, we see this in business all the time. People think it's just going to be this perfect path to success. It's like it's a roller coaster.

It's peaks. It's valleys. It's holding on by your fingernails sometimes. But you know what I heard in her voice that was so interesting when she talked about this time? She got it in her spirit. Not just in her head. She got it in her spirit. Went in her heart.

And that changed everything. That's the permanent change. That's right. That's transformation versus change. That's right. Yeah, there's a difference. Very good. Proud of you guys.

Very, very well done. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. We'll be right back. Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, joins us as our co-host today here on the Dave Ramsey Show. Rebecca is next, and Rebecca's in California. Hi, Rebecca. How are you? Hi, Rebecca. I mean, hi, Rebecca. Oh, my gosh. Hi, Dave. Hi. Thank you for taking my call.

Welcome. How can we help so i'm calling because my husband shows up last week from work and he says that he wants to buy a five thousand dollar gun we we just got out of debt um we handed in the fleeces we purchased our our first car cash, and we are stocking up money, piling up money to buy a house. And I have a dream killer now because he thinks that he should be able to buy this $5,000 gun. So I just wanted to get both of your point of view on this. So you're out of debt, you have your emergency fund, and you would have the $5,000 beyond that,

but it would come out of your down payment fund for your house. Am I understanding you right? Correct. Yep. We have about $72,000 saved, but we're still, we live in California, so it costs a lot to buy a house here. So that's just scratching the surface of buying a house. We probably need to save more along the lines of $150,000 for a 20% down on a home here. Okay. Yeah. What's your household income? We make about $145,000 a year between my husband and I. And is there anything unique about this particular purchase? I mean, it's a custom gun and he's sort of new to the, he's sort of new to it all. He has a few that he's purchased, but I mean, it just, we've been like gazelle intense for the past year and a half. And so I'm feeling a little, a little like,

hey, that's a little fair. You get to buy a $5,000 gun. What about my $5,000 bag? Or, you know, we've really been? We've really, really been gagelling times these past years. It's just been kind of off to buy a $5,000 gun and we're still in the middle of trying to buy a house. Well, you're at the stage that you would buy items if you wanted

to, but it's just so fresh off the back of the debt snowball that it feels weird, I'm sure. It does. So, you know, I think if you came in and said, I want to buy a $5,000 Louis Vuitton, he might have a double backflip. Would he? I think so.

I mean, well, okay, so I posted back to him, and I said, well, what about, you know, I'm not a bad person. I'm a bad gal. I just want to, you know, I really want a house. That's really what I want. So I'm like, you know, you're setting back our goals by you wanting to buy this gun. I mean, we could probably save $5,000 in two months and cash flow the gun. You have the $5,000 now.

You'd put it back in the $72,000 do we do we do so that's not the issue but the issue is just matter of priorities which one comes so here here's what sharon and i learned we we decided it's not no it's just which one comes first so we got in an argument like this about the time we were at the same place you were. She was driving a god-awful, nasty old blue Astro van with 900 million miles on it. You know, the two-tone blue ones, like redneck ugly. You know what I'm talking about. And if you're driving one out there, I'm sorry, but it were redneck ugly when we had one too. So, and it was newer back then. So she's driving that and she wants to upgrade to a Suburban. She's got a house full of kids. And, you know, we're off the back end of this bankruptcy stuff.

We're starting to make some money. And I'm like, you know, $20,000 or whatever the stinking thing was, I can do a lot of work at the office for that. And I was wanting to do some investing and stuff here at Ramsey, and she's wanting to buy this car. And so, you know, we got in this big thing about it and what we finally sat down and figured out was it's just a matter of when yeah and so she got the car first and and then uh as soon as that was done then I got to do the investing at the

office but it wasn't like we said you know you can do one but can't do the other right or there's something evil or wrong about buying a five thousand dollar gun that would be really hypocritical on my part because i own several but uh the one i carry on my hip is about that so uh but the uh uh so i mean i i'm i'm i'm sympathetic with him but i'm also sympathetic with you and i will tell you sometimes when i get a five thousand dollar gun it does cost me a louis vuitt occasionally. It's a deal you make. It's a good trade-off. But that's way late in the baby step seven game, right? So I think you guys just need to talk through, you know, are you willing to wait on other luxury purchases to get the house?

This is a luxury purchase is all it is, which in and of itself is not evil. Rebecca, is he the spender? He is the spender. He loves to spend, and I've sort of been the, he was the one with the leases and all the debt and all the stuff. So the reason I ask that is because you have a little bit of money, and I'll tell you, I'm the spender in my marriage. And as soon as we had our emergency fund and started to save up some money when you have a little money if you're the spender you're like but I got it what's the big deal like it's very tempting to get more careless because you have a little bit like Dave said this purchase is not uh evil it's not a bad thing but I think for him he's

looking at this savings account going well I've got the money what's the big deal but you're looking at it from a goals perspective priority I wonder if there's almost a compromise too kind of like dave said not the necessary bag for gun trade right now but does it have to be nothing or a five thousand dollar gun or could he get excited you said he's new to guns maybe he could get a five hundred dollar gun there's cool guns for five hundred dollars or nine hundred dollars that wouldn't set you back so much that would scratch that itch of him he's already got some of those um there's a there's a i wonder if it might work if not if not if not then i think you have the conversation about like you said what comes first in priorities because to you you're looking at it as this is going to set you back but he's looking at it like hey we've got

the money what's the big deal here here's the good part of the whole discussion a you're discussing it b you're going to pay cash for whatever you do and you're going to be in agreement if you can continue on that pattern you will be successful with money regardless and so it could be that you're saying that you know i'd like to go on a $5,000 trip well that would be okay and delay the house down payment by $5,000 that would be okay and delay the house down payment by $5,000. That would be okay, too. That's back when people traveled. You remember those days. Right. And so I would say cruise, but we would all laugh out loud right now.

But as an example, you could spend that $5,000 a lot of different ways, but in any of those cases, it would be okay, but you're choosing to delay your house by that little bit amount when you do that. So one last idea is um i would either say wait until after the house but maybe you just say you know when we get to uh you know we're 72 now we need 150 is our goal when we get to x between now and 150 maybe we stop there and you have a splurge and he has a splurge, and then we reengage the house thing or something like that. Maybe there's a couch that you want to buy.

I don't know. Whatever it is. Because none of those things at your stage are out of line with what we teach. They're wise purchases. They're fine purchases. It's just a matter of what you want. What you said, Christy, is exactly right. What do you want?

What does he want? And the good news is we talk about it. And certainly on an expensive thing like that. It's good to know who's the saver and spender, though, because when I went back to my marriage, Matt and I, I'm the spender. He's the saver. If Matt came to me and said, I want to buy a $5,000 gun, I wouldn't even question that purchase because he never wants to spend money. It's such a big deal when he does that that's such an out-of-character thing. It's such an exciting thing.

Like, yeah, what's this purchase? Let know make sure we've got the savings and so on but for me i have to know my temptation which is usually to rein it in because i'm the spender so that's a good part of the discussion too yeah you know it's a good thing to say out loud look um i'm the i'm this tight wad and so i'm the no person the dream killer i don't want to be that person but you also don't want to be the spender that runs us back into the hole we just got out of because a lot of those purchases were you. And when you bring this pattern to me, it scares me. Yeah. And that's a fair thing to say. Yeah. To know what your weak spots are. Yeah. And so, you know, Sharon and I have had those discussions because I'm the spender. And she would say, you know, when you're doing this or acting this way,

it's reminding me of back when we went bankrupt yeah and uh it's like it like opens up that wound yeah you know and so just have that discussion just talk about it out loud then you can walk through and come up with plans to get some stuff you know whether whether it's a couch a gun a purse a trip i don't care or a house none all of those things are proper there's not like you're an absolute idiot for doing one of those others. It's not. This is the stage that you would do those things at, but only when you both feel good about it.

And honestly, Rebecca, you might be more concerned about his pattern of spending than you are this actual purchase. It might be bothering that it's looking like it did before, like it did with Sharon. So good, good discussion. Thank you for calling in. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry.

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