The Ramsey Show - App - My Husband Wants to Leave Me (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 25, 2020

Debt, Savings, Relationships Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

🎵 🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill, and together, Dr. John Deloney and myself are co-hosting the number one talk show in the world in my opinion uh 888-825-5225 888-825-5225 is the number to give us a call we're going to be answering questions around your life around your money around your relationships around your mental health um around life this show has become a little bit of everything

you know Dr. D you and I talk about some of the hardest stuff on our personal shows and so I would encourage you all to give us a call 888-825-5225 pretty much nothing's off limits here come on as long as Kelly brings

it through hey we'll talk about it you know and she's standing by the phones right now doing what she do best and making sure that you all get through and i'm excited and she already has one for us out um in iowa uh and talk to michelle michelle good afternoon how can michael michael is it michael mason? Yeah, Michael in Mason City. I'm so sorry, Michael. How can we help, man? So good afternoon, first off. My wife and I are going to start doing the baby steps. We recently inherited, or she got an inheritance of $25,000.

So my question is, is going into baby step one, holding up that $1,000, we obviously have that. Would we use the rest of that money, the $24,000, to just start paying down debts right away? Or would it be best to keep that for an emergency or keep more of that for an emergency and then pay off the debts and start snowballing from there? Or what would be the best way to go about that? Yeah, so it's a great question. How long have you been a part of our tribe, man?

How long have you been following our teachings? I really just kind of started last week. Okay, cool. Hey, welcome, Brother Michael. Welcome to the family, man. Make sure that you download the Ramsey Network app as you're going on this journey because a lot of these questions you will be able to actually dive deeper into with myself, Dave, Chris Hogan, and Rachel Cruz, because we are

the money people. So I want to make sure that I just let you know that. But here's what I recommend. Number one, follow the baby steps. Okay. So you're going to put $1,000 into your emergency fund. How much debt, total amount of debt, excluding a mortgage, how much debt do you currently have?

Probably about $80,000. Okay, so we have $80,000. This means we're going to have $24,000 to go towards that $80,000. What's that $80,000 in debt? Student loans, car notes, what is that? There would be debt student loans car notes what is that uh there would be two car notes my car and her car okay um and tell me how much uh what what kind of cars do you have uh we have a 2011 honda crv okay how much you own that? That has about $10,000. How much is that worth?

I couldn't honestly tell you. Okay, and what's the next one? It's a 2012 GMC Yukon XL. Yukon. How much do you own that? $15,000. Do you know what that's worth? Probably right about $15,000. Do you know what that's worth? Probably right about $15,000. Michael, you

owe $15,000 on a nine-year-old car? Eight-year-old car? Yes. You have any kids? One. One. So you don't need the Yukon? No.

Here's what I'm going to suggest. Sell the cars and go buy you a cash car. I would definitely look at selling this Yukon because it can wash out. And that's a big car anyway, so it's taking up a lot of gas. So not only will you save on a car note, but then also your gas bill will go down as well. Now, the Honda, it's a nice car. I'm a huge fan of Hondas because of the quality of it.

What do you owe less than the Honda? Do you have any credit cards? Do you owe $1,000 somewhere else, $5,000 somewhere else? Or is the Honda the cheapest thing that you have than you go into your student loans? We don't have any student loans. Okay.

So we actually paid my wife's student loans off already. So, and I go to school, but that's paid for by the VA. Okay. Very cool. Sounds like you have credit cards in? Yeah, credit cards and then some medical bills. Some medical bills. All right, sounds good.

So this is what I'm going to recommend, man. Use a debt snowball. Having credit cards and to have that there with these car notes, with these medical bills. Medical bills, I can understand. Car notes and your credit cards. We need to get rid of those. So, yes, to answer your question, we're going to put $ put a thousand dollars into your emergency fund we're going to line up all your debt from smallest to largest and you're going to go ahead and attack it as much as possible make

your minimum payments and then take that twenty four thousand dollars and start knocking out the smallest one as quickly as you possibly can and i would do the game plan i'm definitely selling the the yukon i don't have a problem if you keep the honda though because that's a good quality car you only owe ten thousand dollars on it i don't have a problem to keeping that into the debt snowball and going from there if you sell the yukon i don't have a problem to buy buying cash a five thousand dollar car out of the twenty four thousand dollars that you will have left because i believe you and your wife do need a car do need a vehicle but my thing is i want to get you out of debt as quick as possible and right there instantly that knocks off fifteen thousand

dollars so michael i just did some some napkin math so you're going to want to double check this but just after this phone call you said you owed about 80 000 bucks right yep so you sell that car and you're down 15 and that puts you down to 65 yep right then you're going to get 25 000 bucks you're going to put a thousand bucks in your emergency fund you're going to take five grand and you're going to go buy yourself a camry or a used honda accord you're going to find a a to b car yep that's going to leave Honda Accord, you're going to find an A to B car. Yep. That's going to leave you with $19,000. You're going to throw that at the debt. And suddenly, by Monday of next week, you cut that $80,000 down to $46,000.

Look at that. Okay? Now, check my math on me, but that gets real manageable real, real quick. Yes. Yes, sir. All right. Hey, we are glad you're with us brother and thank you for your service in fact let's hook him up let's do it michael are you all in yes sir is your wife all in with you

come on now yes sir all right we're going to give you a year subscription to ramsey plus to thank you for your service to get you rocket like rocket shipped out on your journey here with us you're going to guarantee us that you're going to sell that car by the end of this weekend, and you're going to be under $50,000 worth of debt by this time next week, and you're going to be well on your way. All right, good man? Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Hey, thank you, man. All right, stay on the line, and Kelly, we'll get you hooked up. You see, that's what I'm talking about. I love it when new people call in, and they're like, yo, what do I do? How do I do it? What's the route I should be going? And how should I do certain things? Because we want them to get on their vision

and to stick to their vision. Right. And that's what I'm talking about. And it feels overwhelming. And then, bam, bam, bam, bam, we almost cut this debt in half and we're off to the races, right? That's why.

That's why you call into the day ramp to show you guys. 888-825-5225. It's Dr. D and myself, Anthony O' you guys. 888-825-5225. It's Dr. D and myself, Anthony O'Neill. We're here to take your phone calls. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about, but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip 6 belts are unique.

Owner BJ designed a truly modern, minimalist belt made of high-quality materials with no holes, no flap, and no bulk. And the buckles come in really cool designs and are interchangeable. I personally own these belts in different styles, and talk about affordability, Grip 6 belts come with a lifetime guarantee. And that means if you no longer like or fit the style of your belt, you can replace them for free. Plus, I like the way these guys do business. Grip 6 is determined to help build and modernize American manufacturing. To learn more and get this month's Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIPSIX.com. That's GRIPSIX.com.

Going out to Ontario, we're going to have a conversation there with Matt. Matt, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi, yes. Thank you for taking my call. Yeah, man. My question for you guys is, I am a truck driver, and I'm also a pastor. Oh, man.

Now, the problem that I'm finding is that with driving truck, I'm gone a lot. Like, for example, I left on Monday, and I'm just getting home right now, actually. And so it doesn't give me a lot of time for, A, the church, or B, my family. And I'm dealing with a lot of almost like feeling like I'm failing the church by not being able to give it 100% of my focus, but also knowing that I have to take care of my family. That's my job to provide. And so I'm just wondering how I balance both of those if that makes sense I think you know what you want to do and I think you know what you need to do

are you calling to ask for permission to resign your position as a pastor and come home and be with your family not as a pastor no I'm more I love being a pastor oh so you're thinking about quitting truck driving I'm thinking about quitting truck driving. Can you support your family financially?

I think if I... No, I don't do that. Can you support your family? As a full-time pastor? Yes, sir. It would be tough. It would be really tight. The nice thing about it is we're moving into the rectory right now,

so I'm not going to have any house payments or rent payments. We don't have any debt. All of our vehicles are paid for. Everything is taken care of that way. So we don't need a lot of income, but I know that I feel like that's what I'm supposed to be doing as pastoring but it's hard to balance the two if you know what I mean

absolutely 100% do you have somebody in your life that you trust you can sit down and lay this out that's not related to this church I think so yeah I think a pastor friend of mine I could talk to him I think that would be wise

Anthony you are a pastor weigh in on this I could talk to him. I think that would be wise. Anthony, you are a pastor. Weigh in on this. I'm not quitting my home job to possibly set my family up for some hard-earned pay. The Bible clearly says, Matt, that your first ministry is your home. The church doesn't come before your family, before your home. And so for you to be willing to put your family at risk to go take care of the church, I would step back and ask God for some more wisdom and guidance on that. I want you to pastor. I want you to go after your calling. Trust me, I really, really, really do.

But I would definitely say that God, if God called you to that, he will also provide and give you the clear path for that. Now, I'm not saying it's going to be an easy transition. There will be some sacrifice eventually, but it will not be to the point

to where you will not know how to provide for your family and so the the providing part should be the bare minimum until you can say i'm going to quit this guaranteed job for a guaranteed source of income now we may not be balling but at least we will have everything that has to be paid paid. We have an emergency fund set aside. Now I can go after that. That's when I will leave my job to pastor

full time. And I know a lot of people in the spiritual world say, you know, you got to step out on faith. Well, it's also faith saying I'm awake. That's also faith. And so you got to be wise. And I believe that just, you know, I know this is not a spiritual show, but, you know, you brought up a spiritual question. I believe just pray, say, God, if this is where you want me to go, God, give me the direction I should be going. Make it clear for me. Open up some doors so I can walk into that path.

But sometimes I believe God will give us the vision a little bit ahead of time so we can see where we're going. But he didn't mean for us to respond instantly. So go there as far as when God calls you to go there. But until right now, stay on your job, bro. Yeah, it's a big red flag to me when I ask somebody, can you make it? And they say, I think so. If this works out, man,

pause it, pause it, pause it, pause it. Pause it, man. Pause it. But great question. I love that question. Praying for a new journey, man. Let's go out to Knoxville, Tennessee and have a conversation there with Stephanie. Stephanie, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help. I am on baby step number two, and I'm trying to figure out, should I continue to pay off my HELOC loan? I basically rolled all my debt into a HELOC loan. Or if I should pay off my home with the market that we have now and pay off that HELOC loan and then take the money that I would make off of my home currently, put that money on a down payment on a new house, and finance it for 15 years. Okay, so let's talk about this because I want to make sure I understand.

Are you saying should you go ahead and just go back to babysit number two and just pay off your HELOC, which is your home equity line of credit, which is a number two mortgage, or should you pay off your mortgage, which is bigger than your HELOC? So have your mortgage paid for, but then have your number two mortgage still there? Am I hearing the correct question? No, and I'm sorry that I'm not being clear. If I were to put my house on the market and sell it, I have enough equity in my home to be able to pay off the HELOC and my home and still after everything is said and done have about 30 or 40 thousand dollars left okay then i would be completely debt free and i could turn

around and put that down payment onto a home that's similar to the one that i have now on a 15 year note and get myself out of debt faster? Okay. Or should I just aggressively go after the HELOC, be debt-free, and then start pounding down on my house? Let me ask you this question. Do you like your house you're in right now? Or do you want to? I do like my house.

I love it very much. But I would like to move into a different school zone before my son goes into middle school. And he is currently a second grader. one of our real estate realtors, have them come out there and look at your house and give you the proper assessment on your home. If you have enough money to, as far as an equity, to pay off your HELOC and you have enough money to put 20% down to go into a 50 or at least 10 to 20% down to go into a 15 year fixed rate mortgage, i don't really have a problem with that if you do not then yes i'm going to suggest you need to go after your heloc your home equity line of credit and pay that off how much is your heloc right now 24 000 24 000 how much equity do you in your house? Uh, an outside appraisal was right at 90. So you have $90,000 equity in your house? Correct. All right. So you don't have $90,000 as far as in that's coming to you. All right.

So you're going to take away at least 9% because you're going have real estate fees you're gonna have all that kind of stuff um out of the 90 000 so we're gonna times that by uh nine percent uh so we're looking at yep so you're gonna have you're not gonna walk away with that much and so i think you're gonna have enough to go ahead and pay off your your hel. But you probably, depending on how much of a house you want to have, you may not have enough money in that to pay for 10% to 20% down on your new home. So definitely have someone come out. Have one of our EOPs come out. Have them sit down with you and go over all your options on selling the home. And then if you can, come out with have them sit down with you and go over all your options on selling the home. And then if you can come out with 90 equity.

Now, if that's 90K after you pay your real estate fees and your title fees and stuff like that, then yeah, you might be in a very great position because you'll have about $70,000, $60,000, $70,000 to take care of that. So look into that. Great question. Thank you so much for calling in. I think I'd sell my house if I was in her case. I really would too, as long as my realtor says yes. And get that kind of that. So look into that. Great question. Thank you so much for calling in. I think I'd sell my house if I was in her case. I really would too. As long as my, my, uh, realtor says, yes, I can get that kind of money. We can get that kind of money. Hey, guys.

At the Dave Ramsey Show, we really value your input. It helps us to know what's important to you so we can deliver relevant content to help you crush your money goals. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. It only takes a few minutes, and you'll be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card. No purchase necessary. Take the survey at DaveRamsey.com slash survey or text survey to 33789. have you ever wondered if an online will is right for you do you need a trust or a mirror will what kind of powers of attorney do you need you hear me say everyone needs a will i say it all the time but i get a lot of questions asking if a simple online will is right

for someone's specific situation. With your questions in mind, our team decided to build a quiz. This quiz gives you custom results based on if you're married or single, where you live, and even the size of your estate. It helps you understand exactly what you need for your specific situation take the quiz to find out what you need to protect your family and your wishes text the word quiz q-u-i-z to 33789 we also text you we'll also text you back a promo code for 20 off your wheel that's quiz to three three seven eight nine that is probably one of the top questions i'm always asked from millennials you know hey i'm young i don't have any major responsibilities um i don't have i don't have a family all i have is a dog do i still need a wheel absolutely, yes, and then yes again.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And so I encourage anyone and everyone to text the word QUIZ Q-U-I-Z to 33789 so you can get a will to cover you, your family, and your

loved ones. The last thing you want is the state that you live in deciding what happens to your dog, your family, and your loved ones. The last thing you want is the state that you live in deciding what happens to your dog, your furniture. Your grieving parents can't go into your apartment because there's a lock on the door until the state tells them they can go. Just don't do it. And if you've got kids, if you're married, do the right thing and get a will. Yeah. Do the right thing and get a will. Do the right thing and get a will. My good friend John always says the only reason to not have a will is if you can't stand your wife and kids.

Get one. Get one. Protect your family. Protect yourself. Protect your stuff. Man, you know what? Where are we going next, Dr. D? Let's go to Kristen in Olympia, Washington.

Let's go. How can we help you, Kristen? How can we help? Hey, thanks for taking my call. I'll try to make this brief. My wife and I completed Baby Step 3, and we're kind of wanting to look into buying a house. But the problem, you know, I'm really,

I want to do the 20% down payment and all that, but kind of with where we live and house prices seem a little bit more spendy than, you know, other places. And the problem that I've kind of been seeing is that with how fast house prices are going and how long it's going to take for us to get 20% down. You see what I mean? Like, I just like a couple of years ago, I mean, it's been like tens of thousands of dollars just from, you know, houses, you know, just not that far ago. So you're in a good market. You're in a healthy market pretty much, which is a good thing.

Yeah. How much of a house do you want to buy? Like size or? Yes. Like mortgage or? Price size. Well, we have a size uh so we have a 17 month old and um are probably gonna probably have another one within the next few years or so so you know three bedrooms two baths something like that okay how long would it take you to come up with 20 of the house if he just had if you down, how long would it take you?

It would probably take a couple years. We make about $65,000, $70,000 a year. And when do you want to get into the house? I mean, I guess it just depends. I mean, like I said, I'd like to right when we get to 20 and then but yeah so hey crossroads christian let me just tell you what i did in my life okay um we had a kid i bought a house about a nice three two it was not wise i scraped together three percent to get into the thing and then i started doing the math i rediscovered this program and i started coming unglued because i was a dad way over my head in-house and ultimately i sold my house and my family and i me and my wife and my little kid

he was about two we moved into a residence hall director, which was a two-bedroom apartment. And we had a blast. I had to be intentional. I had to take my kid out, and we went and played in the yard, in the field. We went to play at local parks. We had to do things a little different. My kid didn't know any different. The only people who I had to change was me and my wife's magical fairy tale.

This is what it's supposed to look like when we have kid one. It's supposed to look like we have kid two. And if people wanted to come visit and stay with us, then they had to be responsible for their hotel room or their Airbnb. And for two years, if you and your wife suck it up, you figure it out, you work really, really hard. My guess is house prices will cool off at some point. If they don't, they don really really hard my guess is house prices will cool off at some point if they don't they don't but my guess is they will you're going to end up with a pile of cash and you're going to be able to get in there and do this thing right what you're doing is you're feeling a pain inside about what you want to do what you know is the right thing to do

and this ugly little thing called a math problem and the reality is 20 of the house you want to buy is going to be X amount of dollars, and you just got to suck it up and do it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Do it, man. Do it. You know, so Babyset 3B, we teach set aside at least 10% to 20% to get inside of your, to purchase a home. So the bare minimum we recommend is 10%.

Now, our goal is always 20%. We really want you to have 20% because we really want you to get as close as possible to that so you're not racking up any PMI payments. So my suggestion is if it's a rush, as far as in not a rush, but if you need to get into a home, 10% is cool. But if it's only going to take you a couple of years to get 20%, I'm going to take the couple of years because like you said, I'm going to grow closer to my family because we're

closer. We're real close. We're going to figure out how to talk. We're going to figure it all out. We're going to figure out what's important, what's not. We're going to figure out. We can't just put the kid in the backyard. We're going to have to be intentional about planning. It is a pain. It is different. But it's not the end of the world.

Your kid craves you. Your kid craves you. Yes. Your kid craves attention, connection. Yes. Your kid doesn't care about a third bedroom. The kid doesn't care about a special place for my office that I need. Kid doesn't need that stuff. Right.

What the kid does want is a pair of parents who love him and who aren't wound down and not losing sleep. I mean losing sleep because they're in too much house. Or the market recorrects and we're only 3% in and now we're underwater and, and, and. And, and, and. Do it right, brother. Do it right. Your heart's good, Christian. Do it right.

Going out to Colorado, we have a conversation with Carrie. Carrie, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Well, thank you for taking my call. Yeah. So my husband and I, we are in baby step five. Okay. We have been longtime Dave Ramsey listeners.

We were ish for a long time, but here we are to five and just now navigating college savings. We have a 17, 14 and 12 year old and trying to figure out what to do because we feel like we're so late in the game with the 17 year old. We've talked to an ELP. I've done the debt-free degree podcast and have the book. We've done it all, but I still don't really know what we should do because I feel like the 529 is too late for the 17 year old. Do we put the 529 in the youngest and then use it for the oldest if we need it? And how do we do that? Right now at 529, you go ahead and open it up. Put all three of their names on there and then

whatever you can use for the 17-year-old, that's great. Then whatever you don't use, it can transfer it down to your 14 and your 12-year-old. But right now, the main conversation you need to be having with your 17-year-old is, hey, your father and I, we started late. But hey, here's the thing. Here's what

we can bring to the table to help you go to college. But the most important thing you can do for your child right now, Carrie, is to help him or your 17 year old, him or her, figure out what's the best school for them and what's the school that they can afford. The number one thing that I see with young people and especially parents is they're not helping their child pick an affordable school what's an affordable school one we can graduate from debt free so that's maybe starting off at a community college for the first two years both sides are working you and your husband are set setting aside somebody to help him or her he's or working or she's working to get that get to that um get to that price area but the number one thing when it comes to going to an affordable school, it's the school choice.

That's in-state, community college. Those are the first two things that you two need to be having a conversation about right now. And don't feel guilty. My parents didn't have a conversation with me until a month before I graduated high school. So you're not the only one out there.

But what you can do now is give wise counsel to your son and to your daughter and help them figure out the best route for them this is the Dave Ramsey Show man i am so excited this is not on my uh list to announce but I just saw it come up on the screen that our Smart Conference is coming up. And I'm real pumped, man. This is honestly like my favorite conference of the year to go to. And it's going to be unique this year. It's going to be streamed live. We're going to have a tiny studio audience, but it's going to be a little bit unique, a little bit different all day.

It's going to be incredible. It is. This is going to be your first one, isn't it? It's my first Smart Conference. First Smart Conference on a digital day. It's going to be incredible. It is. This is going to be your first one, isn't it? It's my first smart conference. First smart conference on a digital platform. That's right. And y'all, I'm going to tell you right now, Dr. D is doing something special.

I am doing something special. All I can say is I'm not giving a complete 40-minute talk. That's all I'm going to say. Okay? I'm going to leave the surprise there. All I'm going to say onmber 7th of this year you want to be in the building uh because i have something unique something different i'm going to be doing dr d is going to be doing something unique uh chris hogan is going to be in the building

dave rams is going to be in the building rachel cruz is going to be in the building rachel cruz is doing something unique um i mean everybody's going to be in the building. I mean, Les Perry's going to be there. It's going to be an absolutely great day to grow in all the areas of your life. I don't know how much the tickets are. I wasn't supposed to announce it, but I'm announcing it anyways. Go to DaveRamsey.com forward slash events. It's going to be on November 7th, and I'm telling you right now, you do not want to miss this conference. I'm already pumped. That's right. It's going to be exciting. It's going to be on November 7th and I'm telling you right now, you do not want to miss this conference. I'm already pumped. That's right. It's going to be exciting.

It's going to be great. Let's go out to San Francisco and have a conversation with Sarah. Sarah, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi. So, I just needed some counseling

to prepare myself. I believe my husband will be leaving. Take a breath, Sarah. You're good. Take a breath. What's going on, sweetie? So he says that my father passed away five years ago and uh i have to pick up my mother who i brought her home and um um he says that i chose my mother over him and so he's running a meeting i've never worked all my life um he says the house is his, and he called social services to get her out of the house, and he couldn't do that.

And so I just need to, I need to improvise. I became debt-free. I paid everything, and later on I found out that he went in and had two extra credit cards. It took me three and a half years to be debt-free, and I'm driving an older car because I chose not to get a new car for the family purpose. But he says he no longer loves me, and I understand this might be a marriage thing, but I need to prepare myself. Sure. So he said several times, he no longer loves me anymore. And I said, I will still love you because God asks me to love you.

And so I stay here every so often. He tells my children that he wishes I wouldn't come back. Sarah, listen, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, I'm so sorry. I hate that for you. I'm so sorry. I hate that for you. I'm sorry. And I know that's devastating. You've known him for a long time. Is this a blustering move?

Is this him posturing? Or do you feel like this is a real deal? I think it's real. Okay. Do you have somebody in your life that can you can sit down with them

or walk through this with you no I'm very private I was never really allowed to have friends because he worked law enforcement

all his life and that's another side that I feel because he does have weapons and I've stayed and I stayed quiet. Are you safe right now, Sarah? Sarah, are you safe? I am.

Okay. I am. So here's the deal. You've had a different set of rules. You've had a different set of life guidelines. You've had a different set of boundaries and somebody came through and knocked your walls down. And so now what you're going to have to do is get somebody with you to reestablish new boundaries and new rules in the short term and in the long term.

In the short term, your safety is the most important thing. Having a place to live, having a place to sleep. Somebody in California doesn't get to say, hey, I don't love you anymore. You get out. Your mother get out. Everybody get out. That's not how that works. Okay? So I want you to find somebody that you trust, whether that's a co-worker,

whether that's somebody at your church. And I understand being private and you're going to have to come out of that privacy shell. You're going to have to be vulnerable. You're going to have to be somebody you probably have never been before. You're also going to have to put your oxygen mask on first for the next foreseeable future. You're in a position where you've been taking care of somebody else for a long time, making sure everybody else is okay, making sure your mom is okay, he's okay, your kids are fed. And for the next foreseeable future, you're going to have to take care of you first. Okay? And then, Sarah, I want you to listen to me. We love you.

You are loved. You're worthy of being loved. And I want you to know there's going to be healing on the backside of this, but it's going to be really painful. Okay? The second thing I want you to do is be long-term. If he's insistent on going through with a divorce, you're going to have to get yourself an outstanding attorney,

and you're going to have to sit down and be honest, and then you're going to have to go through that entire process. Okay? And they're going to get into finances. They're going to get into receipts. They're going to get into whose fault is this and who gets to stay and who gets to go. All of that stuff's going to come out. Not being honest about it, not letting your needs be heard is going to only hurt you and your children in the back end. Okay. And so that's why I want you to have somebody walk with you because it's going to be hard.

It's going to be against your nature, okay? Okay. Okay. Financially? A little bit. I don't have a lot. I've been saving a little bit, but I don't have a home. Sure.

Are you able to go home? Are you staying at home right now? I'm at home. Sure. Are you able to go home? Are you staying at home right now? I'm at home, yeah, but some family, some of these family members are telling me don't leave the house, stay there, and yeah. That's right. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't talk to me. He's just angry, and when we have conversations, he says stuff like, you chose your mother unless you submit to me and you follow me um there's nothing here and that's listen that's somebody who's working through their own challenges okay that's somebody who's working through their own pain their own shame their own struggles and they're going to keep reiterating a story out loud so they can justify what they've done

in their heart and mind they're going to keep reiterating a story to wallpaper over the pain that they have. Right? Yeah. And so what you've got to do is you've got to deal with the set of facts, however ugly they are, and the facts laid before you as somebody in your home told you, I want you out of here. I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be married to you anymore. And that hurts and that's ugly and that's painful, but that's the reality that's been

dropped in your lap. So what you need to do is get somebody to walk with you. You need to go find a great attorney and begin walking through that process. All the way. If you want to stay married to this man, and you want to continue to love this man and stay in this marriage, then you give him every opportunity to come to counseling with you, to come meet with you with your minister, to go for a walk with you and say, hey, what happened?

Can we grow back? Can we build something new? Okay. I'm heartbroken for you, sir. You know, and I'm going to ask this question, and I already know some people listening right now are like, oh, my gosh, Anthony, you're so single. And I am. That's why I'm asking this people listening right now. I'm like, oh, my gosh, Anthony, you're so single. And I am. That's why I'm asking this question to learn. But she says something that I think a lot of men would battle with.

I think I would battle with that if my wife chose her family over me. If I felt as if her family was more important than me, her husband, because I believe a woman would feel a certain way if my mom became more important than her. At what point do we have that honest, probably uncomfortable conversation saying, hey, this is how I'm feeling. And the spouse is like, okay, what can I do better to help? And then also me, the individual who's making the complaint, how do I internalize and kind of fix it? But I do believe that is a real concern.

Unquestioned. So your heart and questions, excellent. That's good. The challenge is you've got to have that conversation day one. You've got to have that challenge up front. People will go five years, 10 years, 15 years with unspoken conversations, unspoken needs, unspoken feelings, especially men. They'll just shove it down until one day it goes off. It detonates in their heart and they say, I'm out. You should have those conversations up front. So if your mom's moving in, we got to get away and talk

about what the changes are going to mean, how I can still honor you, how you can honor me, and how we can both help together moving forward in our new reality.

Right? I love it, man. Sarah, we're praying for you. We are. We are. Wow. Right here on the Dave Ramsey Show.

Dave here. We just launched a brand new survey, and we'd love your feedback. You'll be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card. No purchase necessary. Take the survey at DaveRamsey.com slash survey or text survey to 3370.