The Ramsey Show - App - My In-Law Told Me I'm a Bad Parent (Hour 1)

Episode Date: July 17, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a real conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill, co-hosting today with the one and only Dr. John Deloney from this beautiful city of Nashville, Tennessee. It is beautiful outside today. It's hot outside today. And beautiful. How are we doing, Anthony? We're doing well, man. We're doing well. I'm looking forward to the conversation we're going to have today, man. It's going to be a beautiful day. And so if you all want to have

a conversation with us, we're going to be here. Dr. D will be with me for the first hour. Then I'll be here for the next two hours. Give us a call. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. Kelly is back from vacation, and she would love to pick up your call and get you in and have a conversation with us. But I'm really excited about today, man. Are you doing anything this weekend?

We are laying low, working on a book. Who? You? Working on a book on anxiety, depression, ADHD. Are you serious? Got some book deadlines coming up, so we've got to get that done this weekend. Get it done, man. I can't wait.

I know it's probably too much, but I've got to ask. If you can't say, you can't say. But any estimated time about when it may come out? We're looking to launch the John Deloney show, the podcast, coming up in the next month or two. And then the book will come out early in the fall. So you've got your own show coming out. That's the rumor. We're working on it.

Is it going to be better than the Dave Ramsey show? No. He's got a 30-year head start on me, but I'm gaining quick. I'm gaining quick. I'm so glad you were honest with that, you know? Because, you know, you do have a hard time being honest sometimes.

You're going to put me on blast, and I'm sitting in Dave Ramsey's chair right now. Man, I love it. I love it. So that's good. You have your show coming up, and you're going to be taking live phone calls and helping people out with their life issues. That's right. Man, I'm going to call in once a week.

I only have two PhDs, Anthony. There's only so much expertise I got, man. But I'm going to keep working on it. I'm going to keep reading books, and I'll be able to help you soon. Well, here's a good thing, you guys. We have a full hour with Dr. John. So we want you to give us a call. 888-825-5225.

888-825-5225. Give us a call and we will answer your questions around life and around money. But this hour, let's get a lot of phone calls around life and then the next two hours we can talk about your money because you know me, I love talking about money.

So let's start it off going out to Scranton. Is that Scranton? I'm sorry. Scranton, Pennsylvania. Scranton, Pennsylvania. And have a conversation with Tammy. Tammy, how can Dr. D and I help? Oh, it's so great to talk to both of you today.

It's great to talk to you. You don't get a lot of office jokes, do you? Uh, no. Okay, good. The office, Scranton, Pennsylvania, is the home of the TV show, The Office. I didn't even know that. I was about to ask you, what are you talking about here? Yeah, that's fantastic.

So, Tammy, how can we help you today? Okay, well, this question is mainly for you, John, and Anthony. You hop in anytime and give me your thoughts too. That'd be great. This is referring to my mother-in-law and maybe some boundary issues that we're facing with. ever since we've been married, but they've kind of been stabilized and talking and chatting and texting, and everything's been good. But about a couple months ago, she just threw some stuff at us, and that came across as, well, we have a daughter who's adopted, and she does have some behavioral issues and as she's getting older she's a teenager now she's been um things very very stressful for us um but my mother-in-law has been just completely there's nothing wrong with her um you know you're the ones

who can't parent and she basically just told me this that you just need to grow up and you're the ones who can't parent. And she basically just told me this, that you just need to grow up and you're the adult. You need to start parenting and you're the one who has the problem. And she has actually, well, she's a pastor's wife and that's the sad part too. And I'm a pastor's wife and she started throwing this at us. And my husband said, just block her text messages. You don't have to take it. So I said, you know, I'm blocking it because she's telling me that I'm telling everyone how bad my child is. She's that my child's a monster.

I have never seen my child as a monster. I have never seen my child with a monster. Um, and just, um, she's even, um, has brought our, our Bishop of our church into it and saying, they have asked about our daughter, how she's doing, whether that's true or not. And I told her that that should never go beyond family discussion of what's happening in our house. That's what she needed to tell them. And so then she was getting really upset. And when I told her I am walking into text messages now, that's what my husband had said to do. And then she told my husband, she said, well,

I thought you were a better Christian than that. And now she is acting like, oh, sending text messages and, you know, I love you and all this stuff. And I feel like nothing is wrong. Sure. So let me hop in here. So you've got a husband who gave you permission to block his mom? Yes. So I want you to tonight, when he, the next time you see him, I want you to look

him in the eye and say, there's only one like you, honey. And I want you to hug him and say, I love you. And thank you. That's number one. Most guys are spineless and they default to their mommies and they don't stick up for their wives in these situations. The second thing is at some point your husband needs to have a conversation with his mom and say enough's enough's enough. Most guys won't have that conversation. I'm hoping that he has the courage and the strength to do that. The third thing is your mother-in-law, right, wrong, or indifferent, doesn't get a vote. And so it's you and your husband's responsibility to raise that child.

And mother-in-laws know parts of information. They want to be a part of things. They love their grandkids. They love, it sounds like she loves you, loves her husband, loves your husband. And she may not have the tools or the equipment on how to love when she's watching her adopted grandchild having behavior disorders. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. She doesn't get a vote. And when she opts out, when she takes herself out, Anthony, by taking your family business public, when she opts out by blaming you and lying about you then she has removed herself from a

voice she doesn't get a voice um and let it be and then you let that um as the great jay-z once said brush your shoulders off let it go and you got to put that stuff down and move on but it sounds like your husband giving you like that that's usually step number one is getting grown men to act like grown men around their mommies and good for your husband what do you think Anthony? I think you said it right there especially with the you know the Jay Z quote just brush your shoulders off and keep it moving

there we go in-laws do not give a vote unless you give them one they do not and you already have the permission with your husband I think that's a great first start so hey we're praying for you Tammy God bless this is the Dave Ramsey Show. We're all going through challenges, and our lives have been impacted in ways we've never anticipated. If we learned anything, it's that change is constant, and having a plan is crucial to our family's livelihood. This is why I talk about term life insurance every day.

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888-825-5225 888-825-5225 Give us a call. I want to hear from you today. 888-825-5225 We're going to keep going to the phone lines. We're going to go out to another hot place, Austin, Texas, and have a conversation with Rafael.

Rafael, how can Dr. D and I help today? Hey, fellas. Thanks for taking my time. Thanks for taking my call. Thanks for your time. Appreciate it. Me and my wife, we've been on our journey. We're coming up on 10 months now. We actually went and saw you in September when you were here in Austin. So we went and saw you, enjoyed you. You were great on stage. But anyhow, in those 10 months, we've paid off close to $50,000 in debt. We've paid close to $30,000 towards a ceremony. We're legally married, which got pushed out to another year, to 2021, thanks to COVID.

So collectively, we're on $80,K that we've been throwing at two initiatives, the debt as well as the wedding. I'm sorry. My question for y'all is. Raphael, hold on. I'm just writing all this stuff down. Raphael, you guys are already married or you're about to get married? So legally, in the eyes of the law and the Lord,

we're married. You're married. Okay, cool. Oh, you're saving up for a big party. You're saving up for a big party. For a celebration. Pretty much. That's what it is at this point in time. Okay. And how much are you going to spend for this celebration? Well, eight more K's have paid off completely.

One thing led to another. This looked good. That looked good. That venue looked great. So, you know, we're trying to walk them through bubble gum. And, you know, I know David would be like, probably didn't need to spend that much. 40K is about what it's going to be? Yeah.

It's going to be about. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. 40K on a wedding.

Okay. All right. You're paying cash, though. I'll high five you. All right. Go ahead. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. 40 K on a wedding. Okay. Hey, you're paying cash though. I'll high five you. Keep going. Okay. Yeah. So that's, that's cash. There's no, no debt on, on the wedding. So in total, my current, our current debt, including a mortgage is 340,000. Take off the mortgage. How much debt do you have? It's $132,000. Okay.

All right. $95,000 of that is collectively student loans between the two of us. Okay. And the other $37,000 is a vehicle. Okay. What kind of vehicle? It's a Chevy Tahoe. Beautiful.oe beautiful what year it's a 2018 okay all right you bought it brand new i didn't buy a brand new bought it used uh actually was upside

down on the the car that i had before that so that rolled into it uh but we've paid, you know, we're throwing cash at that too. So that's where we're at, $132,000, $95,000 in student loans, $37,000 in debt. My question for you all is that the mortgage, we do not live in that home. So I bought that home before me and my wife got married. You know, intended on living there. Baby was coming. I already had two children of my own, a single dad before me and my wife were married. And so we have three kids, and it's me and my wife.

So we needed a bigger house than what the house that I purchased. So we currently rent a larger home, and we rent out the home that we own. So my question is about selling the house. There's about $100K in equity in it. The appreciation has gone up. I've owned it for about four years now. Appreciation has gone up quite a bit. Bought it for $230K. It's somewhere around $300K, $310K. Right now, I owe $209K on the house. The renters that are in it today, they asked if209 on the house. The renters that are in it today, they asked if they could renew the lease. I was open to it because they're good renters.

They take care of it. They're responsible. Rent's in my bank account at 12.01 a.m. on the 1st. So I said, yeah, I'm open to it. They haven't renewed the lease. The lease is through, through August. Uh, I was considering selling the house next August. Uh, you know, in my mind, I'm thinking, Hey, let's let it appreciate a little bit more, build some more equity. So then when I do sell it, you know, after, you know, you know, taxes and realtor fees, you know, hopefully I could walk away with you know somewhere around 90 to to 100

that i could either throw at the remaining debt because again we're attacking our debt aggressively right now and whatever would be left over and then use whatever's left over if not use the whole thing for a down payment on a house my buddy of mine who's actually on one of your debt-free screens a couple weeks ago, Jamie, he's pushing me. He's like, man, don't wait until next year. You need to just sell it this year. What do you want to do?

What do you want to do, Raphael? Do you want to hold it or do you want to sell it now? What do you want to do? You know, again, my preference and what I was thinking was to hold onto it until next year, uh, to let it, let it continue to appreciate, especially at the rate that it is. And then in the Austin market, it's, it's a pretty hot market. It's, it's the house is somewhat central, uh, to downtown about 10 minutes from downtown. Can I do a quick math? Raphael, I'm gonna do a quick math problem with you, then I'm going to turn over to Anthony. You've got $132,000 in debt.

You've got a $37,000. $37,000 of that is a car. You're saving up. You've got about $40,000 in the bank for a wedding party. And you're sitting on $75,000 of washed equity. And so if you sold your house today and you sold your $40,000, $37,000 car, you would be debt-free

and you'd have $25,000 to go on your little party with. And I don't want to be dismissive of a wedding celebration, but you'd have $25,000. Talk me and Anthony into why you don't want to be debt-free today and why you couldn't just do a $25,000 wedding in the meantime. So the wedding, that $40,000, that's out. That's been – or not the $40,000, but what has been paid out, which is close to the $30,000.

That's already been pushed out to the venue, down payment or deposits. That's out there. It sounds like, and Anthony, tell me if I'm wrong, it sounds like you've got to decide, do you want to be debt-free today, or do you want to speculate and gamble on you want to be debt-free in a year? And here's the thing, Raphael,

and I think this is what John is going towards. We want you to get out of debt ASAP we don't want you to push it off and to play all the what if game what if this because what happens if something happens to you next month or what happens if something happens to your

tenants in the next three months so right now you have $100,000 in equity after you sell it pay taxes on it and pay your right now you have a hundred thousand dollars in equity after you sell it, pay taxes on it and pay your, your realtor. You have about 75. Okay. If I'm in your shoes, okay, I'm selling the house today. I'm going to tell my tenants, Hey, come August, September, I'll give you extra months since I'm telling you a little bit late. I'm gonna go ahead and sell the house and I'm going to sell the house and I'm going to put that 75 grand towards my student

loans. And you've already said your money is already into the wedding. And that's and I respect that, you know, I'm I'm I'm happy for you and your wife to not get to not wait to get married. You got married right now. So in the eyes of God and even legally, you are married. So I celebrate you for that, for not pushing off something that I believe is a blessing because I'm looking forward to that myself. So I celebrate you on that part. You know, I am a little disappointed that you and your wife spent $40,000 on a wedding. I'm very disappointed in that, but we can't we can't go there because you've already spent it. So I want you to enjoy that celebration.

Here's what I want to do though. Right now, the caliber of your future is determined by the choices that you are about to make right now. If I'm in your shoes today, I'm selling my house and I'm attacking my debt. And I love the idea of even selling your car, but it sounds like you have a big family so you need a bigger vehicle if you keep the car i'm taking your income and i am attacking that as well we're going to line up in the debt snowball and we're just going to work it if you hold off another year you're dealing with a bunch of what ifs and some things can happen and i don't want you to deal with a bunch of what ifs i want you to take control of your money today so you take control of your money tomorrow. Sell the house, attack your debt, and start figuring out what can you start doing now to bring in more income. You can be debt-free within you next time. so if you're like me drive time has become podcast time and if you listen to podcast two you're going

to love this the brand new ramsey network app is like a podcast player with all of the top shows in america i said it this is how you get better in every area of your life we're talking about the number one show i believe the number one money show in the world the dave ramsey show backed by the number two money show in the world the chris hogan show rachel cruz the king coleman show the best career show christy wright who's doing an amazing thing with ladies entre leader entre leadership and one of my favorites the bar future podcast all of these are in one place you can browse by topic save your favorite clips and share them with your friends because i'm sure

your friends need some positivity in their life and you gotta get better every single day so never again should you struggle to find the education and empowerment you need to improve your life so i want you to download our brand new app the the Ramsey Network app today in the app store. All you got to do is search Ramsey Network. Okay. I mean, this is amazing. It's awesome. I can't wait to have your show in there.

We're talking about turning my show into a podcast, but I'm really just, I want to win on YouTube. I want to be the you know the top youtube guy i don't i didn't know there's anything beyond you anything beyond like car repair videos and wow man until i started working here and i've seen this incredible stuff you're putting out there um i mean you're almost a million views on some of your series it's just incredible what's going on there man you're doing some really extraordinary things for the YouTube community, man. I love it. I mean, I just think everything

that we offer here at Ramsey Solutions is geared to help everyone in every aspect of their life. It's you coming on, helping people with their minds, mentality, anxiety. That plays a major role with our money. If I can't control my anxiety, if I

can't control my mind, then I can't control my money. Right. And if I'm $100,000 in debt, I can't be well. I can't be whole. I can't launch myself into my next life venture, my next relationship fully because I'm not fully tethered in. That's it. I'm not safe. That's it.

Right? That's it. So you guys, get the Ramsey Network app. I mean, you have some amazing personalities here from Dave, Rachel, Cruz, Christy, Rachel Cruz, Christy, Ken, John, myself. It's just a lot of great stuff that I really want you to check out. But 888-825-5225. Kelly is standing by to take your phone calls. I miss Kelly, you know, while she was gone. Good to have you back, Kelly.

Good to have you back. We're going to go out to New York City and have a conversation in New York with Miriam. Miriam, how can Dr. D and I help? Hi, guys. Thank you for taking my call. The reason why I'm calling is, first of all, I thank God for Financial Peace University, for Dave Ramsey, and guys like you who love to help out others with your advice and your input. And my question to you guys is, I am going to be 59 years old at the end of the year, okay?

I can kick myself many times because, you know, knowing that I'm going to be 59 and I'm a person who's been in credit card debt three times in my lifetime, which is pretty pathetic. But it's my reality. I've never been married. I'm single. I have a cat which was rescued during Hurricane Katrina. That's my little boy. So he's my only other dependent. But however, one of the things I've always struggled with, and I know that I am a person who tends to be a void filler. So I buy stuff, you know, when I'm set, when I'm happy. And I right now, when I started Financial Peace University in February, this was just a so a God thing, because they were having a class up the block from the church that I attend. I sing in a choir. And I started attending.

And, of course, then, you know, this whole pandemic hit. And at that time, I had about $11,000 credit card debt. I am down to, I'm on my baby step two, I'm down to $2,900. Congratulations. Yeah, thank you. I hope to be done by September, God willing. And even in that, I've seen God's hand with provision because all of a sudden I started having dental issues, and I don't have dental coverage.

I work for a real estate office. It's a mom and pop. It's a small family business. I've been there way too many years. I make $57,000 a year, but I did it. I guess I stayed with them because they became a family to me because my parents passed away in their sixties back in 84 and 94. I took care of them until I was in my late twenties. Um, I'm a person who's very, uh, a person who always gets easily stressed out i have psoriasis which is

caused by uh you know uh it's an autoimmune system disease but it's also caused you know if you stress out you break out um thank god for for doctors and they came out with this medication called emberl and i my skin is clear but i've always been a person who easily stresses and you know i know i have to do a lot with my childhood, but, you know, one of the things that my prayer has been, you know, Lord, even before this pandemic, I said, Lord, please don't let me die in debt. I don't want to be an embarrassment to my family. Hey, so Miriam. Yes.

When did you start talking to yourself in a way that you would never let somebody talk to your neighbors? Because you are talking about my new friend Miriam in a way that I don't like. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've heard you say that you're stupid, that you make bad decisions, you're pathetic. And I'm going to tell you right now, it's not true. You may have done some dumb things. You may have done some things I wouldn't do.

Yeah. But I want you to start talking to Miriam like she is a woman of worth, like she is somebody that has helped people find homes all over New York City for the last 10, 15, 25, 30 years, like someone who has helped a mom and pop shop stay a family business, and if somebody who's got value. Okay, so I want to start there. um so zero me in to my new friend miriam what's your what's your question how can i help you directly today so my question is i knowing that i'm reaching my goal and i'm sorry if i got emotional before no you're you're allowed to get emotional but um so my my thing, I know being so close to not no longer being in debt is that my prayer is I want to stay out of debt because it's like three strikes and you're out. I've been in debt three times.

I mean, come on, I'm going to be 59. And that's why I get so upset with myself. And I know I can't go back and I can't change those things, but I can change going forward. And so my question is like, because I start thinking, okay, oh my God, I'm going to have to work the rest of my life as long as I live. No, you're spiraling on me. Come back to the question. Come back to the question. So the question is, what is your advice if you were in my shoes and, you know, again, struggling the way I have and being so close, I don't want to fall back into debt. I got rid of my credit cards. I have one, the one that I have the debt.

And I would like to at some point retire and say, hey, I have, you know, I have at least some monies in the bank that I don't have to count on Social Security to carry me because I have nothing else. I don't have a 401k. Our company unfortunately never offered that. Yeah. So here, here's, you've laid out a few things for me. Number one, you've laid out somebody who just has a cat. You've laid out somebody who does not like what she sees when she looks in the mirror. She doesn't like who she is. You've laid out somebody who stress spins. You've laid out somebody who's got autoimmune issues, which is when your body just

turns on itself. The word that keeps coming to me is when I distill all this stuff down is I hear loneliness, loneliness, and loneliness. You are in a giant city. You are in the middle of a loneliness, and loneliness. You are in a giant city. You are in the middle of a pandemic. And you need to surround yourself the best you can with people who will love and honor Miriam.

Who will allow you to be vulnerable. Who will hear you. And that might be a pastor. That might be a professional counselor. That might be a continued coffee time with the folks in your FPU class. But Miriam, you've got to get some people in your life that you can surround yourself with. They're going to walk alongside the next 40 years of your life, Miriam, because you've got a long way to go. You're worthy of a community and you're worthy of being loved, Miriam. Thank you. Going out to Miami, Florida.

We're going to have a conversation with Rachel. Rachel, good afternoon. How can Dr. D and I help? Hi, Dr. D and I. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you for calling in. How can I help? Hi, Dr. D and I. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you for calling in. How can we help? Of course.

So my husband and I, we have saved up $50,000 for a home. And we have to move in a couple of months because our lease is up. We just ran into Dave Ramsey's baby steps. And we've gotten fired up and we started out with $100,000 in debt and sold a $20,000 car. We're currently at $80,000, which is made up of a $30,000 pickup truck, which we're about to sell. $50,000 is in student loans. As I kind of mentioned before, we're about to move. So we weren't sure whether to use the $50,000 that we do have in savings towards a deposit or towards a deposit to put on a home or whether to use it towards the student loan debt, which is currently at 0% interest for me, at least until next year since I just graduated and my job is not going to be active until January. Rachel, how old are you? I am 29. 29 years old. What's your household income? Our household income right now is 53. It'll be 100 next year. 53K and then next

year you'll be at 100, right? How old is your husband? He's 28. Alright, 28. Too young people. I love this right here. There we go. You said your job got punted until January, is that right?

Are you furloughed until January? Unfortunately. Right now you're filing for unemployment and you're doing that, correct? got punted until January. Is that right? Are you furloughed? Yeah, unfortunately. Okay. Yes. Yes. So right now you're filing for unemployment and you're doing that, correct? Is your husband, is your husband, so your husband's working right now, correct? Yes. And his job is secure. And that's the $53,000 that you're talking about. Correct. All right, cool. So here's the thing, Rachel, you're not gonna like my answer. You know that, on come on you know you call me ao so people who follow me know me so i already know you know who i am what i'm about to say uh you're not buying a house you're not ready to buy a house

right now i mean bottom line rachel okay um you're out of a job you're still eighty thousand dollars in debt all right and so what you need to do is take that fifty thousand dollars and follow the baby steps all right so what you're going to do is you're going to line up that eighty thousand dollars so you have a truck you have a student loans now i heard you say something that a lot of people have been trying to convince me on and i'm not changing my stance um well my student loans are zero interest so i'm gonna attack that before i pay off my other debt no you just line up all your debt and the debt snowball so whatever it's the smallest you line it all the way up to the largest and you attack it that way okay this is not this

is not a math problem this is a i need momentum i need to get excited and right now you guys are young okay you're young you're sharp you follow me you follow dave and you're gonna win okay so take the fifty thousand dollars throw that towards your debt all right you're gonna keep a thousand dollars into the savings now here's what i am gonna tell you before you throw it towards your debt i do want you to move because that that's a mandatory so if you are moving, you're going to move into another apartment. You're going to rent something. If you all need a house, maybe go rent a house.

So you will have to take some of the money from the $50,000 from there. So whatever is left after you move, you're going to keep $1,000 in emergency fund and then you're going to attack the debt snowball. So Anthony, let's walk through the numbers she just gave us.

What's the numbers? What would you want to talk about? So we got $80,000 totally. All right. And she didn't break down how much debt she has on the truck, but she said she's going to sell the truck because she already knows what we're going to say. If you're financing a truck, if you're financing any car, sell it and have a cash car. So let's say she owes $20,000 on that truck. $20,000 on the truck. She sells it today.

Sells it today. So now we're down to $60,000. Well, no, no, no, no, because she'll take that $20,000 and have to go buy a cash car. That's right. That's right. Somewhere. That's right. But now she's down to $60,000.

She owes $60,000. Yes. And so she's got $50,000 in the bank. Right. So let's pull $10,000 of that owes $60,000. And so she's got $50,000 in the bank. So let's pull $10,000 of that out for a new car. Now she'll take the $20,000. She could take probably $10,000

of that and put it towards the car. And put $10,000 on top of the $50,000. She has $60,000 in the savings. There you go. What I'm getting at is she could be $20,000. When you have a picture of a house out there, it feels like you're going to lose something. She's going to have to mourn this as a loss, like I was going to get a house.

But you can flip that on its head and say, oh, man, by the end of this week, I could have sold my truck, and we could only have about $15,000, $20,000, $25,000 left. She'd do it right. They could be out of debt by the end of this year. If she sell the truck and with him working, because right now with only living on one income, she has to be smart and make sure she covers the four walls. But she can be hustling, right? So she could be doing something on the side to bring in some income.

Then next year, once they get out of debt, they're stacking up to three to six months. Because I tell every young person it bothers me uh when i hear young people say you know what my mortgage is cheaper than my rent and i say that's absolutely true but your house is not a cheaper than your apartment a house would not be cheaper than you renting a townhome because you know how much money i spend in Lowe's every time I go? I think I'm spending $20. I end up spending $100. You know how much money my water bill, my electricity bill has going up? I'm telling you, man, my mom was over the house for Thanksgiving,

and she was like, son, well, why is it hot upstairs? Well, why are you upstairs? Come downstairs. Mom's got to go room to room and make sure her sons are living yes like come downstairs i gotta pay this electricity bill so i don't want to pay electricity upstairs and downstairs you know i mean i take five minute showers because my water bill is a lot because i gotta water my grass and it's one of those it's a trap right you just look at these two numbers and you forget all the bills all the hosesoses, the yard maintenance, all the stuff, right? Yes, man, all the stuff.

Not to mention the psychological baggage of I've got $200,000, $300,000, $400,000 in debt hanging over me. I've got this house, but it's not fully mine. I'm still living in a home that the bank owns, right? It's not fully mine yet. It's not. But that's why we have the baby steps because we want to walk people through the process rachel you can do this rachel can do this yeah she can do it uh justin from twitter is asking you a question uh dr d he says i've been independent for so long and have gotten accustomed to making my own decisions How do you combat this when going into a new marriage

and wanting to become one with your partner? I'm going to be right there with Justin. Anthony, did you just send me this question? I'm serious. I think you just sent me this question. Well, I'm not getting married,

but help me because that's me too, man. I might make my own decisions. I've been independent for so long and I've gotten accustomed to making my own decisions. How do you combat this when going into a new marriage? So I'm going to tell Justin long, and I've gotten accustomed to making my own decisions. How do you combat this when going into a new marriage? So I'm going to tell Justin the same thing I would tell any new person getting married.

Okay. And that is you have to start on the front end co-creating what your day is going to look like and your week is going to look like. And all that means is – that's an obnoxious research term. It's just a fancy way of saying you've got to sit down every day and you got to sit down every Sunday night and you got to say, Hey, what's the picture of today look like? What's the picture of this week going to look like? And then you've got to speak in pictures and not in words. And so when your wife says, you know, we, we talked about this last time we were together. Hey, I'm, I'm going to go hang out with some friends on Wednesday night. He's going to say, great, cool.

And so with his head, she's going to go spend 30 minutes, go get some coffee. In her head, she's out for the evening. He's got to fend for himself for dinner, right? They both said we're going to hang out with friends. That picture was different for him and for her. And so when you want to get your, start changing the way you do decisions, you have to invite somebody in intentionally and you've got to create new decisions together.

And the other thing I'm going to tell him is, he's going to have to act like a grownup and just flat out get over it, right? He's going to have to know, well, hey, that's not how I would do that. That's not how I would do that. And he's going to have to swallow his pride, exhale and say, let's do this together.

So I see you inhaling real deep. I mean, we don't have much time left, man. But it's like when you tell a single person, I got to grow up. I feel a certain way about that. Well, I'm telling you, when you choose to get married, you're not a single person anymore. And you're choosing to change your identity from single to together. And so then I'm going to say, if you're going to make a grown-up decision to get married,

you're going to make a grown-up decision to get over it and make decisions together moving forward. I'm going to be quiet. I want to thank the producer, James Chow, and one and only associate producer, Kelly Daniel, on the phone lines. Remember, the caliber of your financial future will be determined by the decisions we make today, America. It's been fun. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show.

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