The Ramsey Show - App - My Lifestyle Is Completely Unsustainable (Hour 2)

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where we help you win in your life, specifically in your money life, your work life, and in your relationship life. The phone number to jump in is 888-825-5225. It's a toll-free number, not toll-free. Toll-free, actually. Made up a word there. It's always fun when you're in a hurry line.

Toll-free, 888-825-5225. I'm Ken Coleman. Rachel Cruz is about to make fun of me. Go ahead. Well, toll-free, I feel like that's what we used to hear back in the day, like on TV when it was like a call for this product. I'm an old radio guy. There's a, yeah, the internet wasn't there.

Everybody pretty much knows it's toll free. You're going to give us a PO box to write to, Ramsey? Yeah. And make sure you go to www.ramseysolutions.com if you're a new listener. We've got a new listener survey that'll help you catch up. Remember, that's www. Just kidding. AOL keyword, Ram catch up. Remember, that's www. Just kidding. AOL keyword, Ramsey.

AOL, that's right. I don't know why I say that. I think it's an old radio ad. Toll free. Nobody even knows what that means. What is that? Do I have to pay a toll to call? I know.

It means it's a free call. Just Grandpa can. All right. Have you had enough? Let's see if Shelby. Are you feel good about yourself? I feel good. I feel good, Grandpa. All right, good. We'll move good. Thank you very much. Shelby is on the line in Sacramento.

Shelby, how can we help? Hi, thanks for taking my call. Sure. So my question is about when do you decide to put paying debt on the back burner, I guess, I have a lifestyle right now that's completely unsustainable. I have a three-month-old and a 15-month-old. I have no child care. And I am also working part-time 25 hours for a week from home. And balancing those two things has been impossible. And currently, my kids are really suffering, honestly. Sorry.

Because my job is so demanding that I'm not there for that the way I want to be. And I want to leave my job, but my job is paying for our debt repayment, you know, almost in full. Um, and so if I were to quit my job and be at home with my kids full time, um, it would significantly delay our ability to pay off our debt. And so I'm kind of just, I feel kind of trapped one way or another. Okay. Well, Rachel, I'll walk you through the numbers on this, but you guys can still get through this, but you can't get through it, period,

if you're burning out emotionally. And I am. I know. We can tell. And I just wanted to tell you, you're enough. You're doing fine. You're busting it. You guys will figure this out. But there was a season of life where Stacey was working and to

help bring in extra income, I was going for it. And my income was much lower. I took a strategic sacrifice and we went through something similar like this. And she was trying to help in which we had three kids under the age of three. And I got to tell you, you know, I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner. And I just said, hey, I'll make up the difference. But what matters right now is that you, the nerve center, the CEO, you know, the mama, the wife, you have got to just be home taking care of the kiddos. So I certainly empathize with what you're feeling. I just want to tell you, you're not a bad mom. Those kids are okay. You've not done any damage to them up to this point. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you. I appreciate that. So good. Okay. So Shelby, how much are you

bringing in with your job? I bring in about $2,000 after taxes. Sometimes I work a little bit more, but that's kind of the average right now. Okay. And what about your husband? He brings home about $5,200. Okay. And how much debt do you guys have? We have $30,000. It's just two cars. I shouldn't say just, it's still $30,000 in debt. It was two cars. And currently, if I were to continue working, we'd be able to pay off all of our debt in a year. Okay. Okay. Curious real quick.

What does he do for a living? He is a construction design manager. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can hear my kids. You're fine. You're fine. You're talking to two people who have three kids each. We've been there, done that.

It sounds like an insane place at our house all the time. Screaming and crying. You're fine. I love it. you're fine you're fine all the time yes all the time but so my husband is a team lead technically for a construction design company um he is in the process of requesting a raise but it hasn't happened yet and we're not sure if that's going to be possible. Is he pretty handy though? So handy, no. So he does computer work. He is not a construction guy. Join the club because you're

talking to the chief non-handy guy right here. I can barely change the toilet paper. You know, I have to get instructions out. I do my own oil changes. My husband can't. Shelby, you're a really sweet lady. Please don't tell anybody that again. What do you do? So I work for a nonprofit. I'm the program manager, so I run day-to-day operations, and it is not what I want to be when I grow up.

Okay, sure, sure. Okay, well, so the good thing is, I mean, the numbers are not crazy, Shelby. You guys don't have $200,000 of student loans and it's going to take you eight years. You know what I mean? Like, this is doable. What you're saying is like, instead of going, paying it off in a year, it may take two years because you have two little kids at home and you guys are trying to figure out, or he goes. I wonder, could he make $1,000 extra a month?

Yes. Could he do that? Or $2,000. If he makes $2,000, I'm not putting this pressure on him, Rachel, but if he makes $2,000 a month through side hustles or something, then he fixes this issue. He replaces your take home. So he needs to make $2,000 after tax and we don't miss a beat and you're with the babies. Or Shelby, with your administration skills, you could be an online assistant for one person

for 12 hours a week. You know, and it's something small and you bring in half of what you're doing. Just bring in a thousand. And that would still be something. Yes, totally. And then he matches it and then you guys do it or you guys back it off a little bit and it's 18 months. So you paid off versus a year. Like you're OK.

Nothing is on fire here. And we do celebrate the urgency of getting out of debt on this show. Like, we love it because when people taste that freedom, they are like, they're all in, right? And for some people, it takes them longer because of income, because of stage of life. I mean, all of it, right? So this has to play with who you are. And if you're at this point where you're like, I don't want to do this all the time. Like, I'm exhausted.

This is not fun. You know, there's gonna be points of that in sacrifice period, but for the long game, you don't want that for the long game. So, so yeah, I mean, I would be great if you guys pulled back a little bit again, like Ken said, he, if he could supplement something on the side, just for like two nights a week, you do some assistant work, but you know, be a virtual assistant, bring in a thousand a month or something like you guys can, you, you're going to be a virtual assistant, bring in a thousand a month or something. Like you guys, you're going to be able to get through this.

Are you guys just curious? Are the cars, would you be upside down in the cars if you sold one or both? Or what's the situation? That's a good point too. Yeah. So unfortunately, we bought these cars when we were young and didn't know anything about money. No worries. So we're having negative equity in both of them.

That's fine. You're going to pay them off. Yeah, the plan is to pay them off and then sell one of them because we don't need two cars. You're great. I can tell you right now, Shelby, I can sense a difference in your voice from the start of the call to now. Yeah, I feel better.

I think you called asking for permission. You didn't need it. But you've got to take care of you. And what's your husband saying? What's his take on all this he agrees um you know i think he's really stressed about the amount of debt we have but at the same time i have i have a wonderful husband and he really he's a good dude yeah to be okay yeah me to be okay and the kids to be okay and hey he can make more money he can make more money yeah i'm make more money. Yeah. And I'm telling him, you go watch this on YouTube.

Hey, listen, bro. You can make more money than you're making. I know you can. You just got too much skill, too much experience. You can take this burden off your wife. It's going to be a win for everybody. But you guys are fine.

And it's for a year to 18 months to 24 months. This isn't forever. Short time. Short period. I kind of miss the screaming baby face just for about a second. Come to my house, Ken. Then I get over it. This is The Ramsey Show.

Welcome back to The Ramsey Show America. I'm Ken Coleman. Rachel Cruz joins me. The phone number is 888-825- 5225. 888-825-5225. And we're taking your questions on your money and work-related questions. Feeling stuck, not sure what to do, want to get a promotion, I'm into baby steps. How do I balance all that?

Love to take those questions as well. Let's go to Cheyenne. Love that name. Nashville, Tennessee. Cheyenne, how can we help? Hey, guys. Thank you for accepting my call. So today I was just calling because first I just want to start. We started the baby steps in December of 2021. So we have no

anything besides our house. We have 59,000 left. I'm 21. My husband is is 22 and i was just kind of wondering when we should start having kids i'm ready now but my husband wants to wait until we get a couple more things done on the house just try to wrap things up he also wants to be more financially stable but my opinion i mean we're financially stable i I mean, you know what I mean? Well, it sounds like you're stable. What's your combined income? Combined income, we make about $5,600 a month. Hey, Cheyenne, are you inside of a tunnel by any chance? We're having a real hard time hearing you.

No, I'm so sorry. Can you hear me now? Yeah. Perfect. Maybe stand completely still and talk like a ventriloquist and see if we can get that through so what is your combined income um well I don't have it all but I know that we make about 5,000 or 5,600 a month okay and you're both working correct we are my husband makes 17 an hour make $13, but we're kind of working on also me changing career paths. Right now I'm a dental assistant, and he works on sewer lines and sewer mains and stuff. So what are you wanting to transition to?

Something that's more, I don't know, like office work or something. I don't really have a set. Okay. And did I hear you say you guys owe $59,000 on the house? You have nothing other than that? That's the only debt. Nothing other than that. We'll see Dave Ramsey and hopefully by we're 30. I love it. We'll have our house paid off. And can I presume that you have a fully funded emergency fund? We do. We have three months of us. If we don't work, it's funded. We have $20,000 in there right now. Let me say this.

Good for you guys. I understand your hubs. I mean, he's scared. You guys are really young, by the way. So I get the provider gland, but I'm going to defer to my friend over here the mama the wife when you tell them when to have kids well no it's not your responsibility to tell them when but what do you think that what do you think because i think you guys decide what is it what is it he's worried about yeah well and also cheyenne we never and you can tell your husband this when it comes to

kids or getting married we never tell people you need to be in a certain financial spot. So even if you guys had $30,000 student loans and you wanted to have a baby, like we would tell you like to go on with your life. Like financially, is it going to be more stressful there? Sure. But I would never say not to have kids or not to get married because of financial reasons. I think that you can work all of that out because honestly, there's never a good time. I'm like, you could continue to push that down. So, yeah. So my, I mean, I guess it would be understanding for you, you know, what's causing you to want to have kids now?

Like, what is that in you for him? What really is the root of, is it the remodel or is he thinking, oh my gosh, I'm going gonna be married three years without kids and enjoy life and you know like which are both fine answers but I think it's more getting down to the motivation and like what the why behind wanting to have kids right now yeah so I do want to add that we've been married we got married in August of 2020 so we have been married for a little bit. We got married young, but we act like an old married couple. I appreciate that. Listen, I just think this is, listen, here's the deal. I don't care what the issue is. You want it. He doesn't right now. Yeah, that's it. And I really think it's because he's scared. I don't think it has anything to do with financial. It has nothing to do with it. He's terrified. So what you have to do is his wife,

you want something. I mean, you got to get onto his page for a minute in order to get him onto your page. That's all that is. To say, hey, you know, a nice dinner, maybe a romantic weekend or something and just go, hey, what are you, I want to know what you're concerned about, and just listen. And once he gets all that out, it's not a point-for-point, counterpoint thing. It's just understand him and hear him, and then express your support for how he feels, and hey, what would make you feel comfortable, and just talk it out. And I think when he feels heard and supported and he feels united with you, that you're not forcing a timeline on him, I think things are going to work out.

That's what I think. I think that's just a basic, easy conversation about understanding. And I think it works out. Yes. Did he say he wanted to have kids? I mean, when you guys got married? Yes, he does want to have kids, but not like right now. I would have had him yesterday. I mean... Yeah, I get that. And I think that that's normal

too. You guys are not like bizarre people. I feel like that happens a lot. One spouse is so ready, the other one's like, oh. So it's a little bit of that. You're going to have to compromise that. So your original question when you called in is am I being irresponsible? No, you're not being irresponsible. No. On the financial side or any other side, you're fine. You're I being irresponsible? No, you're not being irresponsible. No.

On the financial side or any other side, you're fine. You're married. You want kids. But he doesn't right now. So that's where a little bit of that grown-up conversations have to come into play. And you'll have a lot of them in marriage. Oh, yeah. Welcome. One wants one.

Welcome. This thing, this. Well, we got to get to the root of what's really going on. How can we each love each other well? And I think Ken, always the advice I think is so great of seeing something through his lens. gets the root of what's really going on how can we each love each other well in it and i think ken always the advice i think is so great of seeing something through his lens what is he seeing what is he feeling and there's a there could be a lot there for him which is very reasonable and so um there's that and and as always with child you know people are prepping for kids i'm like and

you never know right it could take you you could get pregnant on the first try. It could take a year. So even that journey is a whole journey in and of itself too. So you guys deciding to have kids, it's at least going to be nine months. So it actually happens at the earliest. That's true. At the earliest. She's from Nashville.

Cheyenne, if you like country music, pull up a golden oldie by Diamond rio called meet in the middle the chorus is great i'd start walking your way you'd start walking mine we'd meet in the middle beneath that old georgia pine that's the theme i i mean as silly as it sounds that's the play it's a great song by the way uh on top of that but nonetheless sandra is in boston massachusetts sandra how can we help hello sandra It's in Boston, Massachusetts. Sandra, how can we help? Hello, Sandra. Sandra? Going once, going twice.

All right, we'll put her on hold. We'll see if we can figure that out. But back to Cheyenne's, you know. Yeah, that is really it. Like, you got to meet in the middle on money discussions, children, a lot of stuff. Yes. And I've heard two different sides of this piece of advice i'd be curious what you say i've heard some people say compromise is the worst word because that means somebody you both lose or somebody loses or whatever whatever whatever interesting um but i

think i found i'm like yeah but there's gonna be times that when someone wants to do something and i have to say i don't want to but selflessly i'm okay i'm gonna go and then same on the other side right there's stuff that i want to do that he's like oh geez another vacation whatever you know he's like yeah okay yeah we'll do it and i'm like think like yeah there's given taken marriage i'm like there's not gonna ever be this perfect formula whoever said that about compromise is probably bordering on the narcissistic side i mean mean, you had to give something up. Yeah, yeah, you did. It's called marriage.

It's called, well, it's called, I'm going to sacrifice. Yeah. I'm going to serve, which is a form of give. You said give and take. I don't think it's that harsh. I think it is, you know what? There have been times in our marriage,

I'm sure you could say the same with you and winston where stacy wanted something and there was no reason not to do it i wasn't there yet but there weren't any reasons not to other than i just wasn't as comfortable as she was yep but i shared the value of number one her desire and the value of our relationship. And it worked out every time. And I shared the story at Money in Marriage that I, the second kid, Winston was ready and I wasn't. We had like three trips coming up and Zika was a thing. And I was like, if I get pregnant, we can't, you know, we can't go on these trips. And he's like, we, our life is dictating our schedule or our schedule is dictating our life. Our life needs to dictate our schedule.

So it ended up being this conversation about more our priorities. And then Caroline came nine months later and we didn't go on the trips. That's right. That's a different story for a different day. That is. And she is as sweet as you think.

Love sweet Caroline. She really is. She's a doll. All right, good stuff. Thank you for the call. I love that. Love the young couples with big dreams and making progress, and that couple's an example.

Don't move. More of your calls coming right up. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman. I'm joined by Rachel Cruz. We're thrilled that you are with us. 888-825- 5225 is the phone number. So I've got something in my hands, Rachel, that says Ramsey

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And so much more. But your books are in the store, Ken. My books are in the store. My kids need shoes. Don't forget that. So we'd appreciate that. If you're looking to make a change in 2024 in your professional life to make more money or just get more meaning, you can just check out the Ken Coleman books, of course.

But the Rachel Cruz wallet, I've got to mention that. Black, camel, brown, champagne, and the brand-new Navy. I know. We came up with the Navy. It's beautiful. Wow, that's pretty nice. I could get a Michigan block M on that. Yes, you could, sir.

Yes, you could. The week-long Cyber Monday sale is at RamseySolutions.com slash store, RamseySolutions.com slash store. All right, Sandra, we're going to go back to Sandra in in boston massachusetts sandra you're on the ramsay show sandra hello hi are you there yes i'm there you sound like you may be in a tunnel oh i'm right in front of the window because I had to move position. Can you put your phone up to your mouth? Yes, it's right in my mouth.

Oh, it's in your mouth. That's why it sounds like you're in a cave. I want you to pull the phone out of your mouth and put it next to your mouth. All right, Sandra, we'll try this. Hold still. What's your question? My question is I'm interested in purchasing a home, and right now I live in an apartment.

Purchasing a home, then the mortgage would be twice as much as my apartment. I live by myself. My child is grown. He's not with me, and I wanted to know if it would be a good idea to purchase a home. Sandra, do you, what do you make a month? About $8,000, $9,000 a month. Okay. And do you have any debt? I have about $50,000, $45,000 to $50,000 in student loans.

Okay. Do you have any savings? But I have $50,000 in the bank. How much? $50,000 in the bank. $50,000? Yes. Great.

And then, okay, so what I would do, Sandra, I don't think you're ready to buy a house right now. I would pay off your student loans today with your $50,000. I would bump up your savings back up to three to six months of expenses and then take some time to save up a good down payment after that. And then you just want to make sure, even though it's going to be doubling a house payment versus the rent, it'll be double. If it works within the formula that it's no more

than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed rate, you're fine. You're fine. Just making sure that math works out. So I would not give you the green light today. I would pay off your student loans today, get an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses back up, and save for a good down payment anywhere from 5% to 20%, and make sure the new house is no more than 25% of your take-home pay. So if those are the parameters, Sandra, you're great, but probably not today would I pull the trigger on that. But I would consider a different cell phone plan. That might be our first purchase. Let's go to Grant in San Antonio, Texas. Grant, how can we help hey how's it going guys um so i am 24 and i just had kind of a massive change in income in my life in the past six months so i just wanted some advice on uh

on how to handle this properly um i was making about sixty thousand dollars a year then i got engaged and immediately got a new job right after that. So we're now I'm making around $140,000 to $180,000 a year. Wow. Good for you. Come on, Grant. That's fantastic. Thank you guys. Yeah. So I have, I have no car payment. I have very minimal credit card debt because it's all expense to the end of the month for my company. Um, my future wife, my fiance, she has a car that probably has about $8,000 left to be paid off on it. She has about $3,000 to $4,000 worth of credit card debt that we're going to pay off pretty much immediately when we get married. My main question is, I don't want my money sitting under a mattress and as inflation and the dollar de-evaluates, I don't want my money sitting under a mattress. And as inflation and the dollar de-evaluates,

I don't want it to lose value. What would be the best place to put that money to work and grow substantially by the time I'm 30 to 35? You know, I want to house some kids and, you know, be very well off for myself. Yeah. Well, that's a great question. What will she be making after you guys get married? She's right now, she's probably going to keep her job. She's right around $55,000 to $60,000 a year. Okay. Fantastic. I mean, you guys are, yeah, I mean, you guys are going to be doing amazing. So I would, I think paying off all your debt for sure is the first priority and knowing why the credit card debt was there and all of that, right? Fixing the symptom, not just the symptom, but the actual problem too um right but as far as yeah where to put your money i mean i would i would do a for sure just a emergency fund of three to six

months of expenses and you could put that in a high yield savings account or a money market account that's not that's more like insurance money than investments and then when you can look on to investing 15 of your income into retirement. So we look at good mutual funds to go within that plan of a 401k or a Roth IRA. And then beyond that grants, you could always, like CDs don't always keep up with inflation, but even just opening a Vanguard account and putting some money in the S&P 500 is a plan that you could do as well. But I would always invest my money when I'm thinking long term, more than five years, and making sure what I'm investing in has a long track record. And so for me, again, mutual funds, Vanguard account, like that, those kinds of

things is where I feel the best putting my money. But any short term savings that you guys have, if you're saving to buy a house or something again just it's just a good high yield savings account well well i mean some of those percentages nowadays that's the bad thing about you know everything going on with interest rates is if you have debt it's a ding on you but those of us that are saving you're like oh dang six and a half percent right here doing pretty good and high yield savings isn't that amazing so so yeah so all that's keeping up with inflation. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't worry too much.

I wouldn't park all my money in just a regular savings account or a CD for my whole life, but I think you'll do some investing and kind of spread some of that money around. Is that helpful? Yeah, no, it is.

And really what we're looking at too is, you know, we're both set up in 401k. Yep. Her company matches 4%. My match is 6%. So we have it maxed out. So it's free money at the end of the day. Um, really what we're looking at is right now we're in a two bedroom apartment that's costing about, I don't know, 1800 a month. We want

to get into a house cause we feel like we're just throwing this money down the drain every month. So we're looking at probably in the next five to four years purchasing our first home. You know, I know FHA loan is, I think, 3% down. So I'm just, I'm trying to, you know, this is all happening pretty quickly for me. So I want to take my time and do it the right way. For sure. I'm just trying to make sure that I'm making the right decision of where should I hold this money? You know, What the hell should I be looking at? Yeah. No, it's a great question.

Yeah. So beyond the emergency funds, yes, saving for a down payment anywhere from five to 20 percent. And I would just do a conventional 15 year fixed rates. And we always say for the payment to be no more than 25 percent of your take home pay. So that'll give you some parameters as you guys are saving. But four to five years is great. You guys should be great. You should be in a good position

for sure to buy a house. And I get the renting feeling of like, oh my gosh, we're throwing our money away. And that is right. I understand that feeling. But at the end of the day too, you're buying time and it's okay because you will learn very quickly

that home ownership is very expensive. When everything breaks and stuff happens, you're on the hook for it all. So it sounds very glamorous, and it's wonderful, right? Home ownership should be part of everyone's financial plan long term. But like you said, don't feel like you have to rush into this. I would be married. You guys get married, pay off this debt, get an emergency fund in place, start saving for a good down payment.

I would do at least 5%. I wouldn't go lower than 5%. Yeah. And Grant, I would recommend you go to ramseysolutions.com after the call and look up some smart investor pros that are financially, they agree with the Ramsey way and they're going to help you with that investment strategy. They're going to create a custom plan for you. They're going to make sure that they share it with you in a way that you understand it where you're making the decisions. So look up Smart Investor Pro at RamseySolutions.com. Pick two or three, meet with them, go with the one that you feel the most comfortable with, Grant, but that's going to help you on your investment strategy, but you're going to be fine. In fact, you're just crushing it right now.

Congratulations. So excited for you. Congrats on the gig. All right, don't move. We've got a couple of commercials coming your way, but Rachel Cruz and I, Ken Coleman, will be back very soon on The Ramsey Show. Don't move. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman. I'm joined by Rachel Cruz. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. We're here to answer your questions. Let's go to Jason, who joins us now in Los Angeles, California. Jason, how can we help? Hey, thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's going on today, Jason? So I have a, excuse me, I have a quinceanera that my daughter wants to plant.

And I don't know if you guys are familiar, but quinceanera is pretty much like a sweet 16. Yeah, yeah. We, and I'm in a bit of a pickle as to whether I could or I should, or if I could afford it or should I do it. How much is it going to cost? So, estimated is, I'm estimating between $10,000 and $15,000. Wow. You got an itemized list on that? No. Another detail on this is that I'm currently going through a divorce with her mother,

and this is kind of being planned by her, and these are their prices, kind of, or her prices as far as what they've found. I'm just trying to see. The problem is that I have just recently actually fully funded my six-month emergency fund, but that takes into account any support that I pay her, my ex-spouse. I don't know if I'm technically I can dip into that, but it's an emergency fund and this is not an emergency. Yeah.

Not only that, you can't afford it. You're calling us to ask. The way that you're talking, we know you can't afford it. Am I right? You can't afford $10,000 to $15,000. And they're expecting you. So they're planning, like she's planning it, and then they're going to expect you to foot the whole bill? Not foot the whole bill.

Foot half. She was asking for, at the beginning of all these talks was uh half of it a half of 10 which was five but i don't think that's realistic of what it would cost i can if i save up until the point of when this is supposed to happen i could probably save about four thousand okay but um Okay. But I'm just, whether I should do this at this time in my life is a big question. Jason, do you have any other debt, Jason?

No, no debt. No debt, okay. But you're fully funded emergency fund. How much do you make a year? Overtime's been good this year so it's about at 120 120 okay so here's my two things that i keep thinking as you're talking um number one how we define an emergency to actually dip into an emergency fund is when something is unexpected so this doesn't really qualify because we know that she's going to be. Yeah. Is it 16 years old or is it 15?

It's 15. 15. Yeah. Okay. So we knew she was going to turn 15. So it's not unexpected. Is it urgent? Do I have to do it like right now, right now, right now?

Yeah, I guess. I guess urgent would somewhat qualify because there's a date there. And is it necessary? Right. So these are the two things. So honestly, this whole thing, it does not check off all the two things so honestly this whole thing it does not check off all those boxes for me so no it's technically not an emergency um so that's that's one part of the discussion the second part is that you could bring together some money right

and let's just say and pretend that it is 10 000 they want you to do five you could say four could you take a thousand out of the emergency fund to get to the five sure like you could right i mean it's not the end of the world but my my biggest problem with all of that though jason is that just like weddings just like another party just like vacations anything if you don't keep a strict budget and have a limit to what you're going to spend it gets expensive more expensive i mean a house even when you build a house same thing like the line continues to move so jason if you decide to do this and to save the four thousand for her which i think would be great right like i don't think that's a necessarily a bad thing okay ken's not that happy about it if you do it though there has to be very clear communication and

boundaries with your future ex-wife to say and and your daughter i would bring her in on and say guys this is that this is what's going on. Here's what I will have for you. This is it. This is all I can do in good conscience and in good faith at where I am in life. This is what I have. Work with that, right?

And you set the tone. You set the amount on what you can do, Jason. Because if you tell them, sure, I'll do half. It's going to go from 10 to 15 to 20 and there's going to be no boundaries so you have to set that boundary okay Ken's dying over here I'm dying I'm dying I agree with everything Rachel said I just want to say this I'm going to try I'm going to I'm going to answer this as if I was in your shoes and I don't I don't know if there's any special features to this party so I'm completely ignorant but But if my daughter, Josie, who, by the way, turns 15 tomorrow, if she came to me and said,

I want a big party and I've got a budget, I think it's going to be 10, I would ask for an itemized list. There's no way I'm even going to give four, five, six without seeing where in the world is 10 grand going for a party for a bunch of 15-year-olds? So I'm starting there. And so I would say that everything Rachel said is absolutely right. You give your number after they give you numbers. You don't just get, well, it's going to be 10, maybe 12, maybe 15. You give half. And you have to ask for specifics and have a real conversation with your daughter.

And you're in a very tough situation now with the divorce. And now she's got two. And don't let the guilt. And don't let the guilt ride over that, Jason. Just say, baby, here's the deal, okay? Give me your budget. What do you want for your party? Let's just walk through it.

Let's teach her. This is a teaching moment to go, yeah, I'd like to drive a Lamborghini, but I can't. And so I know you want a $10,000 party, but guess what? Me and mom can't do a $10,000 party, but we can make it an amazing party. And this is how much money I can give towards an amazing party. I think that's the conversation. Well, it's not, I. That's exactly how I would talk it over with my daughter, Josie. I'd get her wish list, get real numbers, and then how can I meet her expectations in a much more budget-conscious way? I think that's where you start.

It takes the pressure off because now you're dealing in reality, and then you go, look, babe, this is what I can do. Yeah, and this stuff, Jason, and I know it's such a cultural part, right? I can see it. Like, I know that it is. And I know, like, you know, and I remember we had a guy call, I think he was from India, and the wedding that he wanted to spend was like half a million dollars. So, like, I totally am aware that there are certain things culturally that the expectation is really big.

But culture should never outrule common sense but that's it too so i'm like it's and you could say that about the american culture right weddings or whatever like you could plug in other things so so you do have to there's going to be multiple areas jason within you that you're going to have to be like this oh this is not doesn't feel right it's not what i wanted but part of being a grown-up to jason is looking at the numbers, what Ken's saying. And it's like, here's just, here's the reality. Here's the reality of what we have and what we can, or what I have and what I can do. And so coming back to you, Jason, you have a real number in your head that you feel like I can't afford. You feel like a guy who's in control of his money situation. You sound really stable. What's the number that you go, if I set it on fire for my daughter,

it wouldn't bother me, it wouldn't give me a Malox moment. What is that number? Well, right now, the big thing that is heavy on me is that I haven't even gotten into my investing portion of my life for the future.

I get that, but you didn't answer my question. What's the number that you, if you know, I can give this money to my daughter and I'm not going to lose sleep over it? As of now, I would say maybe for something like this, $3,000. Okay. Then now we've got a starting number. I'm trying to coach you through this practically. You got a number where you go, I know you don't want to spend any money

because you think you're behind you're not you're going to be fine on your investing you got to weather this divorce you got to figure out what the payments are going to be and all that you're going to restart okay

but you're okay but if the number's 3,000 where you go that's my baby girl she wants this I can give her three grand then let's start with that then go get the itemized list and let's see if we can

you know get closer to it that's what I's see if we can get closer to it. That's what I'm trying to do is get you to a point where you don't let guilt run the day and make a bad financial decision. And I think the $3,000 is a common-sense number. Would you agree? I would say so, yeah. All right. And your ex-wife's not going to like it.

Yeah. So prep for that. And your daughter may not like it. She don't like you right now anyway, so we're not losing that deal. Yeah, no. I mean, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm just keeping it real. What are you going to do?

Make her not want to be married to you more? I mean, we've already crossed that bridge. So you've got to stick to your guns, man, and get the itemized list. I'm rooting for you, Jason. Yeah, Jason, you're a good man. You're going to be fine. It's going to be a great party. Yes. Rachel, by the way, will come do a dance or something. I'll come party. Send that request. 15-year-old girls. That'll be great. You'll tell a story. This is The Reign of Show.