The Ramsey Show - App - My Mom Is Boycotting My Rehearsal Dinner! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, get out of debt, do work that they love, and create incredible relationships, and speak clearly. We help with that, too. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my friend Jade Warshall. And we have the lines open, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Let's run out to New Hampshire and talk to Dylan. What's up, Dylan? How we doing? Hey, I just had a quick question for you both. I'm assuming, John, you'll be able to answer this a little better, but you might. Hey, I'm just kidding. Way smarter than me.

Roll the autoghost. So it would seem that my mom is boycotting my rehearsal and my rehearsal dinner because I changed a small plan. I don't know. I might be able to answer this one because I know about that. Dude, I'm laughing with you, man. So what did you do, Richard? What did you change that was so bad?

So I'll run it quick. So back months ago when we gave them the opportunity to uh kind of plan the dinner it's not what we wanted originally we told them you know we just wanted to have pizza and go back to the airbnb and just have a good time with the bridal party well my mom absolutely insisted on um paying for this and making you know big dinner and we go out and all this and that. Obviously, you know, listening to you guys, I try to save as much money as possible, but she wasn't on board with that. And, you know, I gave her the opportunity for months and months and months. And a few days ago, I talked to her and told her, I'm like, hey, we're really thinking

about switching back to our original plan. And I was like, I'll give you a few days to figure it out. Well, I just waited one day and I was like, you know what? I should do what I really want to do. It's my special day. You know, and of course my fiance's too, but, and I decided, I'm like, Hey, this is what we're going to do instead. So I didn't see this coming, but I want to lean on you a little bit and you push back. Okay. Of course. Why would you take this from your mom? It's like a dinner that she's paying for. Well, just because it's originally not what we wanted.

I should add to this, too. She started inviting a bunch of people that we didn't want there. There it is. Well, that, too. Lead with that, brother. Lead with that. That wasn't the biggest issue, I don't think. It's that she didn't really respect that we originally

wanted to do something else. That's how I took it. Dylan, is there strings attached to this? As in? As in, I'm doing this for you, so somewhere down the line, there's going to be an expectation of something I want from you? You know,

I'm not going to go as far as that, but it's not a possibility. Yes, there is. Oh, I know about it. All right. So here's the deal. This is as heartbreaking and complicated as this is, this is very, very simple. You made a grown-up choice. and with all grown-up choices there always comes grown-up consequences to those choices unfortunately your mom is choosing to act like a child and i mean that with all due respect i don't like talking about people's mamas but here we are oh i've said it a few times right so one of the hardest things I think any of us will experience

is when somebody we love opts out of relationship with us because they're choosing to be immature because they are making our whatever, how we're raising our kid, what school our kid goes to, our choice of diet, whatever you want to say.

They make our lives about them. Yeah. And she is choosing to not be in relationship with you and your wife during your big day. And that just hurts. And so it's a both end. I want you to spend time even just for a few minutes saying like, this sucks, man. I want my mom at my wedding. I hate that she's acting like this. And you and I both know she acts like this on other things too. This isn't isolated, right? No, not at all. Awesome. And can I add something? Of course. She's going to come to your dinner.

Well, I think she's going to come. I'm hoping. So I would write her a letter. I want her so bad. Hey, I would write her a letter that she want her so bad. I would write her a letter that she can go back to over and over and over again and say it would mean the world to us that you come. I know that you wanted a big thing and I'm so grateful that you're honoring

us with this one. We really want you here. Yeah. I mean, the thing is that she won't even come to the rehearsal, which is the worst part to me. I'm okay if she didn't want to come to the dinner. She's saying that and I don't know her. So I may be totally off base. I think that this is her last ditch effort

to get her way on this. And I would probably be willing to put a couple, I put some chips on the table on this that she's going to end up there. I don't think she's going to miss her son's major days over this. Now, maybe I don't know her, and I'm completely wrong, but something tells me that when the rubber hits the road, she's going to be there.

What about your old man? Have you talked to him about it? Yeah, I actually spoke to him today, and he just initially, and it's the first time also, keep in mind, my mother won't talk to me at all. She will not to me of course well you ruined her life jerk oh you know yeah absolutely but i did speak to my dad this morning and he was saying that she just feels hurt and it doesn't have anything to do with the dinner which i don't believe because this kind of stuff has happened before which she doesn't get her way in this which i don't believe but uh well

he's probably been covering her for her for a long time too, right? Oh, of course, yeah. I mean, obviously he has to take her side in most cases, and I don't blame him. But, yeah, no, I mean, yeah, no, I spoke to him. So if she will talk to you, the best I can tell you is what I would do in your situation, and that would be I would write a letter

and I would do my best to deliver it by hand. If you all live in the same community, put it in her mailbox by hand. I was at her house yesterday. Okay. And let her have something. Because listen, if you call her, if you text her, she is going to hear that one time through her filter of, Dylan is trying to ruin my life.

Yeah. And Dylan's going to embarrass me because I'm in charge of the dinner and everyone's going to ask me because I'm in charge of the dinner and everyone's going to ask me why I just did pizza. And it's all about her. But if you write it down, people can go back to the letter and back to it and back to it. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes that truth as a way of distilling itself down and she can rest in, He wants me there. Him and his wife are just trying to do things a little bit differently. It's not about me, et cetera. And you hope that's the case.

But we all have family. That's what I'm hoping, but that's a great idea. And tell your dad, we really, really want both of y'all there. Oh, I told him that. I told him that this morning when I spoke to him. I'm like, if the worst case scenario happens, I'm like, please, Dad, be at my wedding. Yes. At the very least.

I'm like, yeah, so. Yeah, no, it's pretty crazy. I hate it for you. I hate it for you. I appreciate it. Thank you, though. But yeah, that was pretty much it. I appreciate you guys.

Yeah, I don't get to, it's not every day I get to talk to somebody who just willy-nilly rips his mom's heart out, right, Jay? Dude, look, when it comes to these weddings, it's like that. Like, if i had done what all the parents had wanted i would have been married in a different state i would have been got i would have gotten married on a different date i would have gotten married you know in a different dress like they all have their preferences but at the end of the day it is your it's your day and sometimes it's just a dinner do the dinner but if it is that big of a deal

you made a grown-up choice. And that comes with grown-up consequences. That's right. Hey, this is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. What's up? We're so glad you're with us.

888-825-5225. Hey, Jade, I'm reading this CNN.com article. It says Americans ran up $105 billion in credit card interest last year alone. And about 1 in 10, about 10% of general purpose credit card accounts in the United States were in what they call persistent debt, which is this loop you can't get out because the interest and fees are more than the minimum payments. Wow. Wow. It says the industry uses rewards to get you in. You think you're going to pay everything off every month, but then some things don't go as planned. That's the whole purpose of this show. People get stuck and it just gets in this loop. And this is just

the people in persistent debt. This does not include the other 90% that are locked in at some shape, form, or fashion to become part of their life. That's right. You and Rachel Cruz have partnered up with EveryDollar, the greatest budgeting app in the universe, to do some trainings. Tell us about them. That's right. So you're going to hear us talk about this all the time. This is something that we're doing consistently about two times a month. We're hosting webinars here at Ramsey Solutions are totally free. And the webinars are to teach you how to budget because we hear I mean, for a lot of people, budgeting is a new concept. Or if it's not completely new, you were doing it before, but you didn't realize you were doing it the wrong way.

That's why it wasn't working for you. So we're giving up an hour and a half of our time a couple of times a month so that you can get this knowledge and so that you can break free from that paycheck to paycheck cycle so that you can learn how to budget and not just with any app we want you to learn how to budget with every dollar and so not only is the webinar free but you can download every dollar and start using that app for free so we want to help you guys and this is how we're going to do it all you need to do is show up it's during your lunch break i say it all the time You can sit and eat your sub sandwich. You can eat your lean cuisine and no one's going to know that you have broccoli in your teeth

because you're going to be on the interwebs with us. You don't have to show your face. You can just get this good knowledge and change your life. And I just want to talk to the folks out there who are rolling their eyes if i say something like hey uh how do you lose weight and i'm a friend of mine who's dr lane norton one of the best nutritionists on the planet says uh diet and exercise i can go uh you know thanks yeah right and of course there's so much more to it than that but i look at someone like that like lane who's ripped he wins these these awards he's got a phd in it and i just think to myself i'm just gonna go figure it out right and i don't have the courage

to say i need some help like can you walk me through this and he's a friend of mine so he'll walk me through at the at the microscope level at the big level at the macro level, at the macro level, this is very similar. It's easy to say, okay, I'll make a budget. Okay. The reality is if people knew how to do this, we wouldn't have this mess that we've got. Oh, 100%. Right? And so have the courage to be vulnerable and say, all right, I'm going to tune in. I'm going to go to everydollar.com slash budgeting, everydollar.com slash budgeting slash budgeting i'm gonna sit there for an hour and a half and i'm gonna actually get the tools on how to do this yeah and if you don't want to talk you don't have to talk you can let everybody else do the talking or if you're like

no i have specific questions you can put those questions in the chat we answer them or you can come on live and you can actually talk with us and ask your questions so this is super interactive and like you said this is not just us saying yeah i spend less money than you make this is super interactive. And like you said, this is not just us saying, yeah, I spend less money than you make. This is us going in and giving you the actual recipe. Okay. Here's how you go in and actually do it. These are the macro steps in order to get this done. And by the way, this is me just, again, being vulnerable. I have taken the headset off on this very stage that I'm sitting on right now and ask Dave a budgeting question. I've asked, I've called George and said, hey man, how do I, I do this for a living and I'm still getting some coaching, right?

And so it's, there's no shame in the game. Just seek peace in your life. And if you don't have the skills, go to www.everydollar.com slash budgeting. And I also understand that I make myself look 108 years, sound 108 years old when I said www.everydollar.com slash budgeting. And I also understand that I make myself look 108 years, sound 108 years old when I said www. You did. Go to everydollar.com slash budgeting,

sign up, the seats are limited. So get up there and do it. And join Jay, join Rachel for one of these budgeting trainings, man. Get it done, get it done, get it done. All right, the neighborly question of the day. The question of the day is sponsored by neighborly your hub for home services. When a disaster like a fire or flood strikes, neighborly's rainbow restoration offers homeowners

full restoration services, plus mold remediation, carpet cleaning, odor removal, and more. Download the neighborly app now to find rainbow restoration services near you. All right. Today's question comes from Manuel in Arizona. Or download the Neighborly app now to find rainbow restoration services near you. All right. Today's question comes from Manuel in Arizona. He says, I'm getting married to the love of my life. I am Mexican-American, born in the U.S. and raised in Mexico. I'm a dentist, and I'm also on track to pay off my student loans in the next year. I make about $300,000 a year.

My fiance is an endodontist in Mexico. When we get married, she has agreed to move to the US with me, which means she will no longer be able to practice dentistry. We have talked about this and she has agreed to become a stay-at-home wife, especially when we have kids. I make enough money to be able to support a family, but I'm afraid of my wife not being able to adjust to not making money. Yeah. What is the best way to handle this and allow her to keep some individuality when it comes to finances? She has worked really hard to become a doctor and she has made good money in mexico as an endodontist the last few years it will be a big change to have to depend on me financially oh lord look um i'm gonna say

something brief and then i'm gonna let john take this away the biggest and best thing you can do is to flip the script and put yourself in her shoes? And how would it feel if you moved countries and let go of a degree that you worked really hard for and a career path that you worked very hard for that you enjoy doing? When I hear the words that says she agreed to move to the US and she agreed that she will no longer be able to practice dentistry. There's part of that, and she has agreed to become a stay-at-home wife. There's part of that that makes it seem like this was your suggestion and she's like, okay. They're working through a contract.

Yeah. Go ahead, John. No, you keep going. Just as a woman, there is part of that that's like, the way this sounds, the way it's worded, and it this sounds the way it's worded and it might be the way it's worded is it does sound to me like on down the line she could look up and feel resentful and feel like I gave up everything for this and I'm not sure that I wanted to do that and where is your sacrifice there you go and so in in my house my wife was Dr. Deloney before I was. Yeah. And then when we made a move for my job

and me trying to get my head screwed back on straight when I was struggling with mental health stuff, she went to work part-time at a local school. And so she went from Dr. Deloney to Hey Miss in one year. Wow. And then she went to Hamlin to stay at home for a season. And now she's an author and coaches women, does a bunch of their stuff.

But all along the way, there was this big identity shift and there was some big changes. And what I've come to find out by just sitting with countless women over the last decade, there's no way to win, right? You're not a home enough or you're home too much, or you need to be making more money or how dare you make money instead of

there's just a guilt industry designed to keep women from ever getting both feet on the ground. I'm here for that. And so I think the best, what I've learned, Manuel, through my trial and error, and I've made many, many mistakes along the way, is I want to back up 30,000 feet and know this. Anxiety is your body trying to anticipate future train wrecks

and solve them in the present. So you are going into this trying to reverse engineer what might happen, what she might feel like, challenges she might have down the road. That's going to be a recipe for disaster. What I want you both to do is to say, every 30 days, we're going to check in on this transition. How can I best love you right now? And expect there to be loss. There's grief. I was a doctor and now I'm sitting at home cleaning up spit up all day long.

Or maybe she's free. Maybe she hated being a doctor. That's true. So she gets to drive that. And I want you to create, Manuel, a home where it's okay for her to be sad on some days, for her to be cheering on some days. And your question all the time is, how can I love you this week? How can I love you next week? And when she says, hey, this staying at home thing's not for me, let's have that conversation then. Yeah. But let's don't try to predict every bad thing and try to solve it right now because you're going to create chaos and anxiety in your house.

Week by week, month by month, year by year. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshall, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Indianapolis and talk to Madison. What's up, Madison? Hello. How we doing?

Good. I have a question. So I'm wondering if I should sell my personal car and just use my boyfriend's company car, his personal car, to pay off some of my debt. You want to sell your car to use your boyfriend's company car, his personal car, to pay off some of my debt. You want to sell your car to use your boyfriend's company car? Correct. I don't think that that's a good idea. This doesn't end well. Yeah, because this is where my mind goes. I'm going to just say it. What happens if you get in an accident in your boyfriend's company car,

which means the company is paying for him to use it for work transportation. So I have coverage through his work. We actually work for the same company. Do you have coverage on his vehicle or you have coverage because you just work there? Like you're listed on his vehicle? Correct. On both both of them so his personal car and his company car i have coverage okay so it's it's completely kosher yes and my car essentially is just sitting in the driveway right now and i i don't touch it so i don't know if i'm losing money by it just sitting there um i still owe on it, so I'm still making payments, but I don't know if it's beneficial to just have my car sitting here and not use it or if I should sell it.

I think that's independent from him. I'm more nervous about you. You're going to be very exposed. Okay. And when I say this, you're going to're gonna go not us it would never happen no i know i understand but you know what i mean like i wanted to ask yeah i if you're my sister or you're my daughter or you're just one of my buddies who's a woman i would tell you if he marries you great y'all make financial decisions together and y'all go in and share a car and all that. Yeah.

If it's a boyfriend, I mean, Jade and I would not have jobs if every well-laid plan ended right. And so you're selling your car, exposing yourself to him and his company, which happens to be your company too. It's just a lot of, you are hitching your wagon to some unsecure horses and getting dragged into the wild, right? That just makes me nervous. What's your car worth that's sitting in the driveway? About $9,000. $9,000. Is it paid off or you have payments on it still? I'm still making payments. So that's my biggest thing is I'm paying insurance. I'm making my monthly payments and I'm still making payments. So that's my biggest thing is I'm paying insurance. I'm making my monthly payments and I'm not using it. And how much do you still owe on it? About $5,000.

Yeah, I'm going to keep it. I'd pay it off. Yeah, keep it and pay it off. How quickly can you pay it off? So that's kind of the second part of this. I have some debt and I just don't know how to approach my debt and what's the most important thing to pay off first. Okay, let's figure that out. What, uh, list your debts for me just as however they come to mind.

Okay. So I have credit card, which is about 3000. Okay. I have, um, house. So we actually have a house. So do you want me to include my mortgage? Uh, who's, who's listed on the loan? Both of you are listed on it. Yes. All right. We'll get to that in a minute. All right. Madison courthouse this weekend. Yeah. We'll deal with that. Protect yourself. Yes. Okay. What else? Appliances? We have about 4,000. Oh Lord. Okay. Keep going. And then, um, my car was about 5 5 000 and then i have medical debt and that's a big one and i've i've paid a lot of it down and that's about 1500 now okay so it's only 1500 okay yeah um and then the mortgage just so i know uh what is it it's about 1900 a month yeah but how much is it, the total? Oh, total is about $200,000.

$200,000. Okay. Like John said, you guys need to get married. You're playing house. Just do it. And this is not like for religious reasons. This is for you to protect yourself legally because if it hits the fan, this is going to be so messy and so crazy that you're protecting yourself

by making sure that this is all legally wrapped up in a marriage um does he have any debt he does not he does not okay so until you get married but you're getting married this weekend we're gonna list these debts and and i'm i'm laughing but i'm being serious like get yourself the certificate go online and do the certificate and then you guys plan a party for later and have champagne and have it fun. But for now, let's get this legal stuff locked up. Is there any reason that he would not want to do that?

So when we graduated college, um, we sat down and we had a conversation and it really came down to what do we want to do first? And I'll be honest, we both agreed that we would rather go with the house first. Because of? Because we wanted to live somewhere.

So our landlord actually told us about 30 days before our lease was ending that he was no longer going to be renting and he was selling the house, so we didn't have much time to really find a place to live. So that's when we started looking for houses, and we lived with his parents for a few months. So you solved a 30 day, uh-oh, with a 30 year commitment? Yes. And that doesn't really, that still doesn't really answer my question.

My question was, if you said, hey, I want to get married this weekend, so we're protecting both of our butts in this marriage, is there any reason that he would not want to do that? That was my question. I don't think so. I think it's more of just the traditional essence of... Y'all have busted up tradition, yo. I was going to say, y'all don't care about traditions. Tradition's gone.

It's not those traditions. You guys borrowed money on a dishwasher. Y'all have thrown tradition out the window. But I guess what I'm trying to get at is i want to make sure that he understands that we're not playing house forever and yeah honestly legally you need to be protected and you need to make him understand that hey if this goes south there is nothing that is going to um there is no way that this is going to be decided fairly because there's no marriage here. So if you guys break up and you cheat on him or he cheats on you or you just dislike each other,

you have a house together and he can just up and leave and leave you with that debt or you can just up and leave and leave him with that debt or he, you know what I'm saying? There's so much tied up. Here's what makes me scared. Here's what makes me scared here's what makes me scared and oh and we're we're consciously leaning on the other side of the seesaw because you're on the happy side oh my gosh like oh great it's awesome right we're on the other side if something goes sideways in your job if something goes sideways in your relationship you don't and you have sold your car

and you're just driving around town in his car, you don't have a home. You don't have a car. You don't have a job. And here's what's important about that. You know that risk, and I'm going to believe you, that risk is very, very small.

But do you know what doesn't know that risk profile? Your amygdala. The part of your brain that is designed to keep you safe all the time. It knows one tiny misstep and you are homeless, carless, unsafe, without groceries, and your body would be failing you if it let you sleep all night in this current situation. Your body would be failing you if it let you have deep connected, intimate moments with your boyfriend because it's trying to not die. And so when we talk about like, dude, go do this now, your whole body goes, whew. And if the thought of getting everything lined up so that you could feel safe, if that makes you feel more anxious and more scared,

then y'all go see a pre-marriage counselor tomorrow because y'all need to deal with that reality. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And so it's us loving you because we just see the other side of this thing going sideways. And no one plans for that, by the way. Nobody plans for that. And I wouldn't wish that on you for one second. I want this to work out perfectly

and I want it happily ever after and all that stuff. But whew, man, you're exposed, exposed, exposed, exposed. But to answer your money questions, we've just told you how to handle your anxiety and your relational questions. Once you get married this weekend, you guys are

listing the step from smallest to largest, and now you're combining and getting after this together, right? With your combined income, combined efforts, your debt now becomes his debt. Both of your paychecks now become our paychecks. Both of your debt becomes our debt. And you guys move through this and you process it together. If you're not going to get married, if you're like, hey, I don't care what you guys say, then you pay this off by yourself and you need to look into a way of getting one of your names off of that mortgage. All right. And figure out how to do that because if you're not going to get married, you don't both need to be on this deed. Work two jobs, three jobs, make it happen. Get this debt paid off ASAP. We'll be right back.

Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Hey, listen, if you are sick and tired of all the financial, just the downer financial news, and you're finally waking up to the fact that nobody in washington's coming to save you and you listen to this show and you've been listening to this show and you just think gosh i wish everybody would just pull their heads out and start living these principles pull their heads out of where john any orifice any orifice they have shoved it in um um and you think how do i get this out there you don't have to spend one penny all we need you to do is leave a five-star review click subscribe put the little thumbs up but wherever you're consuming this please um subscribe to it push the buttons like it all the, and it kicks it up into

the algorithms and it puts us in front of hurting people who Google can't breathe in so much debt. How do I help my wife feel better about our finances? Then it kicks these videos up because you all have taken just 10 seconds to do this. It doesn't cost any money and it helps out your neighbors. It helps out us. It helps out you. It helps't cost any money and it helps out your neighbors. It helps out us. It helps out you. It helps out everybody. The only way this mess gets solved

in this country is from the bottom up. Grassroots homes like yours and mine deciding we're unplugging from the matrix and we're going to make different decisions. So thank you so much for your continued support. Let's roll out to Columbia, South Carolina

and talk to the powerful Haley. What's up, Haley? Hey, how are you? Good. How are you? I wish I could be better, honestly. Well, what's up? I was hoping to get some input on how to best address certain financial behaviors in my family while also financially preparing myself for my future at the same time. Okay, go for it. Unpack that for us. Right. So I'm 25. I'm set to graduate with my master's and take board exams to be a clinical informaticist in the next year congratulations thank you um i did have to move home due to covid and it being my graduate year that year a lot of job opportunities kind of fell off so okay um i was required to basically get my it took the time to get myself financially

together um moving home i realized how awful really our finances were um i'm kind of treated like the family bank okay slash emergency fund yes um anytime any emergency repairs or anything come up i'm usually the go-to person to go and fix it. I've honestly contributed financially to my family for years. The earliest memory would be 10, balancing checkbooks, helping to pay light or water, choosing between light and water.

Do you still live at home? Right now, I'm really trying to get myself in a better place as far as getting student loans paid off, which will be done within the next at least three or four years. Haley, Haley, Haley, Haley, Haley, Haley, Haley, Haley. Do you still live at home? Yes, sir.

Okay. When are you moving out? I need a date. The target date would be January of 2025. There's no way. After all board exams are over. Why? You got to move that way up After all, board exams are over. Why? You got to move that way up.

Yeah. And you know that, right? Yes, sir. Yeah. Can I ask you why you feel like you need to stay home until that point or why you felt like you needed to stay home until that point? In 2025? Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm trying not to cry.

No, it's okay. It's heavy. This is heavy stuff. Listen, let me just say this before you answer it. No 10-year-old should be paying their parents water bill, period. And I'm sorry that you as a 10-year-old had to take that responsibility on. And it's going to be the 25-year-old you who's walking across the stage with a graduate degree. I'm so proud of you.

It's going to take your 25-year-old having a hard conversation, maybe for the first time, and saying, the gravy train stops here. And then you're going to feel guilty beyond all guilt, and they're going to come after you and say all the mean things about you, and they don't get a vote. They've used you long enough. Fair? Yes, sir.

Okay. So when's your move-out date? Now would be after exams, which would be June of next year. Nope. Let's help you move this up. Let's help you move it up. Okay. Are you earning any money right now? Yes, ma'am.

How much are you earning? Approximately 30, I'll say 36 a year what's that per month what are you taking home per month taking for a month would at least be 21 to 22 okay so you're okay and 100 sorry i'm i i got you and you've got your student loans, right? How much are those? I'm currently still in school. Okay, so they're not due. Great. Any other debt that would hold you back? No, ma'am, that's it.

No, ma'am, that's it. That's excellent. Okay, let's start doing some research this weekend. When you get off the call, I want you looking around your area. Have you done that yet to see what an apartment would cost? A one-bedroom, one-b one bathroom in a part of town that's safe and that would get you where you need to go as far as school and everything else is concerned. Have you put up a note in the grad school office and saying roommate needed? I have and I honestly, I start and then I back out because I start to feel guilty. Yes.

Yeah. And so you've probably heard me say this a hundred times. I'm going to say it 10,000 more times before I'm done being on the air. From this point forward, I want you to choose guilt over resentment every time. And here's why. You are choosing to avoid feeling guilty and in the process, you're coming to hate your family.

Fair? That's fair. Okay. Let's don't do that to them. Let's don't do that to them. Let's choose to draw boundaries that are going to keep us safe and keep us whole. And let's choose to separate boundaries that are going to keep us safe and keep us whole.

And let's choose to separate where it's appropriate. And it's been appropriate for you for a long, long time. Because I can almost guarantee you that they don't have their hooks in you just financially. But it's emotionally too, right? Yes, sir. Yeah. You're worth being free. And your parents got to learn how to pay their bills.

What happens if you disappear? You go get an apartment and you're out. What happens to them? As far as I know, financially, arguing holes in various places. There's no retirement anymore. I had, at one point, started a college fund.

I did not know that was liquidated until just before I was applying to college. So your parents stole from you? They stole from me. I don't want to say it like that. I'm going to. They stole from you. They did. They stole from their child. Not okay.

I want you to put 60 days on the calendar and I want you to come up with a plan, even if you have to take some more hours. And I want you to put 60 days on the calendar and I want you to come up with a plan, even if you have to take some more hours. And I want you after finals this semester, I want you moving out over Christmas if that's possible. It's possible. You're worth being free, my friend. How does that sound? Honestly, nerve-wracking.

They've probably been telling you for a long time that not only can they not live without you, but that you're nothing without them, right? Close. Yeah, you are. You have been doing the hard work of changing an entire family tree, not only by yourself, but in spite of all the people hanging on. You're about to find out you are stronger than you ever thought possible. You've grown muscles in places that most of us never have to because we don't have

that kind of trauma. And the muscles aren't to drag them along. That's right. I want you to go see your college counselor, college counseling center. You pay into that fee and there's some great college counselors out there. Go sit down and say, I want to make a transition plan. It's time for me to get these chains off my arms and legs and for me to fly on my own. We love you. We're so grateful for you. This is The Ramsey Show.