The Ramsey Show - App - My Mom Is in a Relationship With a Married Man! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and YouTube star, Anthony O'Neill. And we are taking your calls on your money, your retirement, your life, your relationships, anything and everything. Give us a call at 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225. The wonderful Kelly celebrating her Ramseyversary today. She's been here for 111 years.

And you look good for a 111-year-old. I need you to know that. Wow. Wow. It's like being here... She's been here nine years, but that's like... I was going to say it's like being here in dog years. You're not a dog. I'm just saying. Every year at Ramsey is long.

Right? She's been here for 176 years. Screening your calls, 888-825-5225. She'll answer the call here. And boy, does she have a smile on her face. I was just about to say, if America could see what Kelly is doing right now, I don't even think they would want to even call in, brother.

The studio glass is double-painted for good reason. So what I'm going to do is bail myself out and go to Nick in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Thank you. What's up, Nick? How we doing? Save us, Nick. Help us out, brother. How are you guys doing?

We're doing great, man. How are you? I'm doing well. I'm doing well. So I'll give you guys a little bit of background. So I am 22. I just graduated from college. Congratulations.

And I start my first full, thank you. I start my first full-time position on Monday. So you're about to be an old man starting Monday, huh? Yes, sir. Congratulations. So what's up? Thank you. So I wanted to get some advice on how to plan best for my financial future and maybe try to turn myself into an everyday millionaire. Outstanding. I love it.

I love it. How much debt are you graduating with, Nick? So my parents did as much as they can, but I do have $20,000 in federal student loans. Okay. Anything else? Any cards, credit cards? Nope.

Nothing else. Okay, cool. So you got $20,000 in student loans. Okay. Anything else? Any cars, credit cards? Nope. Nothing else. Okay, cool. So you got 20 K and a student loans. All right. And, how much are you going to be making a year there? 63,000 plus a 5% bonus.

63 K at how old are you, bro? I'm 22. No. Okay. Nick, you got, you got your woman brother.

You, you single. I have a girlfriend of three years, and we have been talking about getting married recently. Okay. I'm sorry, ladies. Nick is taken. All right. Nick, what are you doing for a living?

I'm in finance, so I'm working for a large German medical equipment manufacturer, and I am in their finance organization. Cool. Congratulations, man. So here's the key thing, Nick, that I want to give you. And America, listen, I talk about this on my show, The Table with Anthony O'Neill. And to any millennials listening, especially in this Nick age bracket, if you're in the 20s and the 30s, head over to YouTube, check out the show, Anthony O'Neill.com to learn more information about that. But Nick, one of the greatest things I can give you right now is nothing about money.

Okay. But it helps you with money. And that is the caliber of your financial future will be determined upon the choices that you make right now. And if, if, if you're being very intentional about making the right choice

when it comes to your finances, when it comes to your life, when it comes to what you're putting inside of your mind that will eventually come out of your heart and out of your mouth and into this earth, you will be successfully financially. And so one of the things I really want to encourage you to do is to step back and write down your why you know why do you want to have the things that

you're doing you want to be a husband one day you're dating this amazing young lady you said and y'all are talking about marriage well what kind of husband do you want to be what kind of provider to your home do you want to be if you if you desire kids what kind of father do you want to be what do you want to leave you know your your family down the of father do you want to be? What do you want to leave your family down the road? What do you want to build when it comes to wealth, when it comes to dreams, when it comes to your legacy? And so at your age, if I can go back to my age at 21, 22, 23 years old, that's the conversation that I'm having before I have any other money conversation. Where are you going, Anthony?

What do you want to do? Because if you can get a solid why, Nick, hear me clearly, a solid why, then a price of commitment is going to be easier for you to do. If your why doesn't make you cry, then a price of commitment will. So that's number one is just make sure that you're being very intentional with the choices and the decisions you're making. Then number two, Nick, is you got to attack this twenty thousand dollars. You got to have the mindset of I am broke. Yes, I'm making sixty three thousand dollars by the end of this first year. I'm gonna make about 70 with that five K bonus.

But you know what? You only make twenty20,000. You're broke. Okay? You are living way below your means. You got to tell your girlfriend, I'm sorry, baby girl, we can't go to Red Lobster.

We can't go to Rupert Steakhouse. Red Lobster. You know? Right now, we can go to my house, your house, or to the picnic, and we're going to have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We're going to have hot dogs, tomatoes,

and white rice. We're going to be drinking all the water we can until we pay off this $20,000 in debt. It's not we, it's you. You have that mindset for at least one full year. You're going to pay off the $20,000. You're going to set aside three to six

months, and brother, that means you're 25 years old you're 100 debt free you got a fully funded emergency fund you have hopefully you be either talking or engaged or married by then and the combined income is at six figures in y'all 20s now y'all investing man now y'all are building wealth and here's the thing man i did a i have a show coming out nigga i want you to check this out man um i have a show coming out if you just invest 500 uh 500 a month you know which for you um you're 15 of what we teach on babysat for it's going to be right around seven eight hundred dollars a month that you're going to be investing. If you do that, by the time you turn 55, you can have about $1.8, $1.9 million sitting in your retirement accounts.

That's just off of simple investments, you know? Yeah, and can I throw one more thing at you real quick? Throw it to me, brother. I'm going to catch it. All right. I actually just filled out my retirement information, and I have a 6% match for my company as well. Don't do it.

So I am going to put 15% in. Don't do it. Not yet. Not yet, brother. I want you to attack that $20,000. Get out of debt first. Yeah, get out of debt first, man. I want you to put all of your guns toward this $20,000.

Okay, if you're making $63,000, you can attack that and be done with this debt, bro, in about six to seven months, literally. And if you really want to go hard, I would go drive for Uber. I'll go drive for Lyft. I'll go pick up something else. And I had this debt knocked out in four months. You can't do it.

You only got $5,000. You can put $3,000 towards your paycheck and get another $2,000. Brother, you'll be debt-free, brother. And then after that, Nick, then after that, now we're starting to take advantage of what's coming up, which is your fully funded emergency fund. But I love this. Oh, I love this. Let that 6% match just float up there. Let it haunt you.

Yeah. Get out of debt quick so you can take your boss's other free money. So good. Ever wonder how to save more money or pay off debt fast? What about the right way to invest? Listen, I've been there, asking the same questions with no idea where to turn for answers. But here's the good news. You don't have to keep searching for answers. Ramsey Plus will guide you every step of the way so you always know what to do next with money.

Ramsey Plus is our step-by-step plan that shows you how to get consistent small wins with money and even some big ones. So you can see exactly how you're making progress then we help you turn all those wins into better habits that last you can be confident that you're doing the right thing with money and that means no debt payments cash in the bank for emergencies and a plan for your future get started today with a free trial of Ramsey Plus at RamseySolutions.com slash Ramsey Plus. That's RamseySolutions.com slash Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. Let's go to Shane in Dayton, Ohio.

Shane, what's going on? Not much. How are you guys? We're doing great. Thanks for calling. What's up? How can we help? So, just a little backstory my parents are divorced they have been for a while um my mom is in a relationship for a long time off and on with a married man uh-oh um so and obviously uh everything i was taught and raised up with, you know, that's, it's even more when I don't, you know, I don't support it. Again, this, you know, this guy has been an in and out of my life for a while now.

I, you know, I see him every once in a while again. I don't like being around that situation. So my question is, is how can I talk to my mom about this and let her know my feelings on it? Because I feel like every time I do, you know, she always gets defensive or, you know, has every reason as to why she should stay with him, this and that. How old are you, man? I am 23. 23. You still live at home?

No, sir. I live with my wife. Okay. So you don't have a lot of say in this conversation, but I do respect your desire to be heard, right? So what I would do is, Anthony would go out to dinner, I'd go out to breakfast, right? And I would go sit down and say,

hey, Mom, I want you to know that I don't like that you're in a relationship with a married guy. You raised me differently than that. You gave me a set of values that I've instilled in my soul. And this looks like you're not living your own values. I love you. You're my mom. And you're a grown woman. You can do what you want to.

And you have to be prepared prepared for the and then she may say bye then right and you've got to decide for yourself how important this conversation is what you're going to get out of it what you're hoping to accomplish with this conversation and if you're going into it just so you can make sure i was right i told her what's and that's a dangerous way to enter a conversation because you've got to deal with the back end and the fallout. If you think she can hear you, if you think she respects your opinion and you have the ability to go in and have a respectful conversation to your mother, then, man, I think that's a great conversation. I would have that conversation with my parents, but I would do it very humbly and knowing my place. What do you think, Anthony? Right.

You know, I'm like 50-50, and I'll be honest. I think 50% of me agrees with you. Like, yeah, I would want to tell my mom, like, hey, mama, this is not cool. You're hurting someone else's family. You don't know what's going on on the other side, and you're a someone else's family you're hurting you don't know what's going on the other side and you're a part of that and i would definitely be scared and nervous and then a part of me is like i'm married i have my own family i need to worry about my family and not create any more drama that can come into my family so a part of me is like should i just

mind my own business and the only and here's why i lean on that side if my mom was to bring him over my house then it gives me permission to now speak into it you know if if i was to go over to the house with my wife with my kids and he's over there then that gives me permission i'm not even saying something to my mom. I'm talking to the married man. You're the expert in this space. I don't think there's an expertise as much as this is just what I would do in my house. Shane,

are you worried about him coming over to your house? Being around your kids, being around your young family? What's the impetus for this conversation? It's more of just I want my mother to be happy. Is this conversation going to help her be happy?

I was about to say, because it sounds like your mom is happy. And she's happy in her own way. Right. Like I said, they've been on and off for, I mean, six years now. Let me ask you this question. Is he married as in living with his wife

or is he married and separated? Not that even word. It's better. No, they are married and still living with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she knows about it. Shane, maybe try it this way.

Maybe take your mom out and say, it's been six years since the divorce. It's been six years you've been off and on with this married guy. I just noticed you're not happy, and I love you. You raised me with a different set of values than this. It looks like you're hurting. It looks like you're struggling. It looks like there's some guy in your life that's taking advantage of you and I love you as

your son. And now that I'm getting older I just love you as my mom, as a friend. What's going on in your heart? Tell me how I can help. Maybe lean in towards it that way. I do think the boundaries conversation is something that's going to come up sooner

rather than later. You and your wife have kids and you decide I don't want this guy around here. I think Anthony's right. I think the harder, more direct, more integrous conversation is with him. Absolutely. That's a hard conversation, of course, and especially if he's a 55-year-old man. He's not going to want to listen to a 22-year-old kid running his mouth at him. And again, it's about respect and dignity, but at the same time saying,

these are my boundaries. This is where I'm drawing the line in my house for my family, and I don't want you around. And letting your mom know you're going to have that conversation. But that's down the road. I think right now you sound like you don't like what your mom's doing, but you're worried about the state of your mom's heart. So I think that starts – that's a different – it it's a direct but it's a different conversation there and anthony so i

part of me gets your like i don't want to create any more drama in my family i got my own i'm working through heck yeah the other side of it is it sounds like mom brought drama to to the family she did right she did and she's creating drama in the other family sooner it is it sounds like mom brought drama to the family. She did. Right. She did. And she's creating drama in the other family. Sooner or later, it's going to come out. Oh, it is out.

The other woman knows, right? Yeah. Wait. The other woman knows about his mama? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yep. See, that just couldn't be my mama, man, because I don't know if I can go at my mom in a very humble way.

My mom will be upset with me because she will hear the tone, the passion, the fire in my soul. You know, there's two problems that I see here. One, you're creating drama in another family. And two, you're settling for less than who you are. You deserve a husband. You deserve a man less than who you are. You deserve a husband. You deserve a man that focuses on you. You don't want a man that focus on you and another woman. So why put another woman through that crap?

And so, you know, that's why you're the expert in this space, because I would probably respond totally wrong. And I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it on you with our listeners, because our listeners because my mama will probably smack me. My mama will probably tell me to leave. I'm going to keep it 100 because there's no way in the world I would tell my mom, I love you,

but I've lost so much respect for you. The fact that you would bring this kind of drama and unnecessary drama into our family and into another home. When you raised me so much better than that. So I, it's so much, I don't think it's a professional approach.

I think for me, it's if, if my mom is hurting for six years, still struggling, wants connection so badly that she's willing to violate boundaries. I want to sit down and say, hey, something's wrong in your heart, man. Exactly. Are you okay?

She's looking for an external fix to fix something internal. That's right. And so it's like she's looking for a man to – But that's a relationship and connection. We're all looking for that, right? Absolutely. But it's like – no, fix it internal first because internally she should know that she was fearfully and wonderfully made she should internally she should know that hey i deserve this and i'm settling for

that right and that is crap yeah you know i can't cuss on this show they will come back and say you can no longer be on this show but that's a bunch of bs you know and i just think that um setting aside my emotions brother i'm praying for you i'm praying for your wife i'm praying for the other family um and i just believe that god can shift some things and so that that's that's the best advice that i can give at this present time because i probably just made half of america upset now with me. No, I think that here's the bigger lesson for me is we all have to have hard conversations with people that we love. Yeah.

Yeah. And the best we can approach that conversation with, you're fighting a war that I have no idea about versus I'm coming at you with my virtue. I'm coming at you to beat you up with my right and wrong answers instead of sitting down and saying, are you okay? with my virtue. I'm coming at you to beat you up with my right and wrong answers instead of sitting down and saying, are you okay? I think we can solve

a lot of problems in this country if I sit down and say, brother, sister, how can I help? Not, you screwed up, you're wrong.

Right? It's good. It's way to, let's just love each other, man. This is The Ramsey Show. 888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Blinds.com.

Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Bradley in Wisconsin, and Bradley writes, Last year my wife and I became involved in a multi-level marketing business. Since then, I found out how deceptive this company is

in their business practices. I don't want to waste any more money on these products, but my wife is so brainwashed that I don't know if she will exit this fake dream. It may come down to her choosing this business over me and our children. What should I do? First thing, brother, take a breath. Relax. There's way more going on here than multi-level marketing.

Anthony, you're speechless, man. I don't, I don't know what to say here, bro. And here's why I, I don't,

I don't know it. I don't know too much information to say. I mean, that's a heavy statement. It said that your wife would choose this multi-level marketing company over you. I would need some more information to see why does he feel that way? Because I agree with you. If your wife is going to choose an MLM over you and your children.

The way bigger problem is here. This is not about the MLM. It's about something else that the MLM is just covering. And so I would suggest that this guy gives your show a call because we need some more. We need some more questions. Just with what we've got here, Bradley,

what should you do? I don't even, I don't even like the way you're talking about your wife. What you should do right now, Bradley, is go find someone to talk to. Yeah, I agree. Go find a professional to talk to and say, I'm about to leave, take my kids, go to war over my kids because my wife wants to, I don't know, sell Avon or Tupperware

or whatever the MLM business is. Mary Kay. She wants to do a stay-at-home business, and I'm out, and I want to take our kids away. There's something way bigger going on here, Bradley. But you ever find yourself up against

a line here that says, I'm about to be out of here? Stop. Before you jump, go talk to somebody. And for the listeners, I want to make sure we're clear because you named a couple. We're not calling those companies scams. No, no, no. Because there are some solid MLM companies out there that I think are good.

But there are a lot of them out there that are bad. And I've had the opportunity to speak at some of them. But I do agree that some of them do brainwash, do do mislead. But then there are several of them out there that are good. And if you're willing to put in the work and good stuff for people. Yeah, you can really do it. You know, I have family that does, you know, like Avon and Mary Kay. And so, you know, I respect them.

But then there's some out there that, Lord Jesus, I run from them. I don't know enough about them. Yeah, I feel you. No, I just want to make sure that we said that because I don't want someone to think, oh, he just said, no, no, no. No, no, no, I'm not conning anybody.

I'm trying to more get Bradley to look in the mirror and say, if you're going to walk out on your family over your wife's participation in a work-from-home business, there's something bigger going on. Much bigger. They need therapy. They need help.

And correct me if I'm wrong, John, is this even a conversation that they should start by themselves? Or should they literally go to counseling and then walk through the honesty and the transparency with a third party guiding them through this journey or should they try it on their own so when so this is a good breakdown for the listener when i look at something like this and i see language like i found out how

deceptive i don't want to waste she's going to exit this fake dream. He's angry. He's angry. And the last thing a marriage or a friendship or a boss, an employee, they need is someone to go try to have a relationship conversation when they're pissed off. So what I want him to do is go sit with somebody. By himself? By himself. Anger's good. Anger is not a bad thing. Anger just points you in the direction of something you care about.

Yeah. It's good. Yeah. Right? Yeah. But when it changes your language, when it makes you get short of breath, when it makes you get ragey, and ragey is anger trapped, right? So when it makes you start wanting to start having fantasies about grabbing your kids and getting out of here, you need to go sit down with somebody, learn how to exhale, and then have a hard conversation with your wife you know that's that's so good man let's stay right there let's talk about the importance of therapy bro so i see a therapist i do too you know um doing what we do um being on stages being on platforms being in front of uh the world as a public figure.

I there are some days that I get frustrated. There are some days that I emotionally and mentally break down. There are some days that I feel like just giving up. I'm going to be I'm going to keep it a stat. And what you just said is I started saying certain words and immediately one of my friends said, you're not sick, but if you don't get help, you will become mentally sick. And I would definitely say and I'm curious for your thoughts because you promote mental mental therapy and just seeing a therapist on your show. When I started going to see a therapist and I was 100% honest with the therapist, I became a better man.

I thought better. I thought clearer. I started owning some of my thought processes. When someone offended me, oh, America, let me tell you the truth. Let me tell you the truth. When someone offended me, it wasn't that they offended me.

It was I was insecure about something. let me tell you the truth when someone offended me it wasn't that they offended me it's a it was i was insecure about something and so my insecurity made what they said offensive to me to cover up the truth that i was insecure about something and so for me when i see a therapist now man uh she is walking me through the process to okay wait why did this offend you let's let's identify why did this offend you why did you feel this way and john the truth is bro and correct me if i'm i'm wrong and tell me if you see this in your space 50 of the times when i'm hurt i'm offended was not because of the individual it was because of something deep down inside of me that i that i need to resolve i I appreciate your vulnerability there, man.

I think it's way higher than 50%. Oh, you think so? Way higher, yeah. Because at the end of the day, I give permission to people to hurt me. Oh. Right? People can frustrate me. Dave can take away my livelihood, right?

He's my boss. His name's on my paycheck. He can take away my livelihood. Right, right, right. The guy driving in front of me can frustrate me. Dave can take away my livelihood, right? He's my boss. His name's on my paycheck. He can take away my livelihood. Right, right, right. The guy driving in front of me can frustrate me. Somebody on Twitter or Facebook

can say something that's egregious and evil and wrong and it can make me mad, but I give permission for somebody to hurt me. And the smaller I can make that group,

the lighter I can walk through life. That's so good. The less I walk through so charged and fired up. So I actually went through an exercise back in grad school where you pick who you're going to get permission in your life to hurt you. And it should be about four or five people. And here's what happened. I love my parents. Yeah, yeah.

I took them out. I had this little imaginary box. Are you serious serious so my dad is allowed to give me advice he's allowed to help me with things give me his opinion but he does i don't give him permission to hurt my feelings so good but my wife she does and here's the thing i told her what about your kids absolutely not you know why because they're nine they're 11 they're six if a six-year- hey, the other day my six-year-old told me, yeah, she's five. She said, hey, Daddy, I love Mommy more than you.

And I smiled at her and said, I'm so glad you love Mommy. Isn't she great? And then I started to walk away, and she realized she didn't get me. And she goes, and I love Hank, my 11-year-old son, more than you. And I said, he is a really remarkable young man. I'm glad you love him. And then she went for the jugular. She said, and I love Stella more than you. And I said, he is a really remarkable young man. I'm glad you love him. And then she went for the jugular. She said, and I love Stella more than you.

That's our dog. Here's the thing. I'm not going to give my hurt over to a child. I got you. I've got a couple of friends that have walked with me for years and years. I called them and said, you guys got permission. Use it wisely. And they do.

And then I'm able to walk through life a little freer so good that makes sense so good man i get to choose who gets in there and starts firing away this is the ramsey show We'll be right back. This is the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and Ramsey personality, Anthony O'Neill, taking your calls on life and money. Let's go out to Paul in Washington, D.C. Paul, what's going on? Hey, how are you guys doing today?

Good. How can we help, man? So, I guess I'm a little bit lost in the sauce here. So, you know, at that point in my life, in our relationship, that I'm looking for an engagement ring. I'm just not really entirely sure how to decide on a budget for it. You know, and I just want to say that like, you know, that, you know, my, my, my lady is not the type of person that is going to be upset with anything that I choose, but at the same time I want her to be excited about showing it off and,

and I want her to feel loved once you get there, you know? That's such a good question, Paul. Let's get some fun answers on you real quick. How old are you, Paul? I'm 25. How old is your fiance to be? She is 25. Okay, cool. You got two 25-year-olds,

two young millennials on the low-end side. I love it. You have any debt right now? Nope. We just decided to pay everything off a couple weeks ago. We say we. So both of y'all are debt free? Yep. Okay, cool. What's your

you have anything in any savings account right now for an emergency fund? I've got about $7,000 in cash, $10,000 in crypto, uh, 10K in investment. Okay. What do you do for a living, man? Uh, I'm in fiber.

Okay. What do you make a year? Uh, about, uh, 115 base. 115 base. So what do you see on average on a month base, like a monthly, net-wise? I get paid every two weeks, so probably just shy of $6,000.

$6,000? Okay, cool. Great. So here's the thing, man. The general basis that Dave teaches is one month of your salary. All right. Or whatever your average one month salary, that's a general basis, whether you're in debt or out of debt, that's general basis. Uh, now is that law? Is that like, Hey, you have to do that. Don't go

pass it. No. Um, diamond. The diamond industry is not. It's kind of it's interesting, but I would definitely sit down, look at a budget. 6K at your age is a great ring, man. I mean, heck, 5K is a great. That's a great ring. So I would say in your budget, keep it in between four and $6,000 for your engagement ring. That's what I would say. Because what I want to make sure is that

while you're doing that, you're also going to cash flow your wedding. Okay, so you're going to need to set aside at least I would say five to 10K for that. And then from there, you all can save up and grow from grow as far as and get a bigger ring down the road a lot of people try to get very very big and go buy this three three uh carat diamond and like oh my gosh and then now they're in debt for it they're struggling on it but just remember and this is what I tell young people, and I'm not a relationship expert.

I'm not a marriage expert, but I am a money expert. The bar that you set, you got to go up from there. So if you set it at 5K, you can take that thing back and get something that's 7 to 10K. But if you start off at 10K,000, you got to go up to $15,000. So if you set the bar at a level that is comfortable for you and you know down the road you can advance from there,

bro, I think that's a good route. So I think in between $4,000 and $6,000, and if you want to stretch it, if you can find a great ring for $65,000, $7,000, that's cool. The key thing is just don't go past what you gross a month. All right? Yeah, that sounds good. I just didn't

want to fall into that loop of three-month salary. I mean, six. And for what it's worth, Paul? That's $20,000, bro. On a ring? Hey, it happens every single day. If you spent $20k bro on a ring hey it happens what every single day man if you spent

20 000 on a ring call into the show 888-255-225 if you're in your 20s and you spent 20 000 on a engagement ring i want you to call into the show and explain to us why why you did it i want to know and paul for whatever it's worth, again, I think I'm becoming the resident cheapskate personality. I spent way less than that. My marriage has been fine. Don't, don't, don't, don't do your wife like that. It's been fine.

Alright, let's go to Liz in Mobile, Alabama. What's up, Liz? Hey, so glad to speak to y'all. I'm kind of hoping you may have some kind of, you know, sage wisdom for me or You're talking to speak to y'all. I'm kind of hoping you may have some kind of sage wisdom for me. You're talking to a couple of sages. Here's what I can promise you. The wisdom we will give you is free, so go for it.

What's up? Appreciate it. Okay, so I am recently a single mom. I was inspired by one of your previous callers who mentioned domestic violence, and that was our situation for almost 20 years as well. So recently, living with my children

with a friend, it's very temporary, but having been a stay-at-home mom, having my debt just run up and my credit run through the ringer, having no job prospects, and no stable housing right now. I'm just I'm kind of mind blown as to where to even start. I have children in school. There's five of them from ages four to 15.

And I just don't even I'm looking at my student debt. I'd like to go back to college, but I also need to work, but I have very little in the bank, very little coming in elsewhere in way of child support. I don't really understand how that's been worked out, but it's dismal. So I just don't know which point to kind of jump off of where, where do I go? What do I do first? From, from a practical level, because we're about to come to the end of this show, I want to give you something very practical to do. And then I let John come in very quickly.

I think don't worry about nothing else right now. Um, as from a practical perspective, find you income. Okay. That's the very first thing is find a stable income. Don't worry about the debt. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about this. Find a job that will pay you stable income.

Then from there, give us a call back and we can walk you through. Okay. Here's how you start paying off a debt. Here's how you start building up a savings account. Here's how you start savings. But I think oftentimes when something extreme like this happens in our life, we

start focusing on everything. Well, no. Let's focus on one thing, which is a foundation. You need a job. You need stable income. And then when you have that, then we can help. But then on the mental side of this, John, with her facing all of this, what does she do?

So this is an emergency, Liz. Okay? This is an emergency. This is a four-wall situation. Right? You've got to make sure that you've got housing, that you've got food, that you've got transportation. And utilities. And you've got your utilities.

Right? So as Anthony said, you're going to have to hit the workforce, and you're going to have to figure it out on the fly. You're going to have to change the oil while the car is driving down the highway. So I want you to stay on the line. We're going to give you a copy of our friend Ken Coleman's bestselling book, Proximity Principle, to help you just even walk into that door. We're also going to give you a year of Ramsey Plus.

And here's what Ramsey Plus is going to give you. It's a step-by-step plan on how you can start managing your money. But as Anthony said, you've got to go get a job. And that sounds heartless and it sounds crass. There's not anything we can tell you on the radio that's going to heal 20 years of domestic violence. You're going to have to get a group in your local area. You're going to have to meet with some women who have been through that same thing and have overcome. And there are extraordinary groups in almost every city in the local area. You're going to have to meet with some women who have been through that same thing and have overcome and there are extraordinary groups in almost every city in the

United States. It's going to mean you're going to have to be vulnerable and reach out for help and you've got some great friends. High five to your friends who are letting you and your kids stay there while you get your feet underneath you. But I want you to reach out to a group of women in your community. I want you to reach out to folks who will help

women who are escaping domestic violence in your local city there in Mobile. I want you to focus hard on what's next and you're not in a dream job situation and what's the best me situation. You're on a, we got to get food so we can eat situation. Yeah.

And you're going to start working there slowly but surely. We'll give you the tools that we've got here, but I want you to connect with the local mental health group there. This is another hour in the books. Thanks for joining us. This is The Ramsey Show.

This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes section or head to theramzshow.com. Thanks for listening.